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It was one of those rare days that they weren't doing anything when they got the message from Alpha. There wasn't an event at the community center or a game that had to be stopped because of a monster on the pitch. They were all just at Tommie's house not doing anything when that beep sound they all hate rang out in unison. There has been a constant stream of Lord Zedd's lackeys and servants attacking the town lately, leaving the six high school seniors run down and straight-up exhausted. Still, they arm up and head out because they have to and no one wants to hear about the consequences of them not showing up from Zordon.
Again.
As always it's an alien with a blaster shooting at random civilians, the only surprise is in the shape of the alien. The giant chicken kidnapping children was a weird day but every day is weird when you're a power ranger. After the third lizard creature you just kind of suck it up and deal with the crazy and make room for the moments for normalcy when you can.
Four of the rangers are lucky enough to have found reciprocated romantic love within the team of six. Billy and Jason and Trini and Kimberly specifically hold tight to the quiet moments they get that are few and far between. It's hard to go between fighting aliens that have kill orders from their boss to then make reservations for 8 for dinner plans you made weeks ago. They make it work with time, patience and the understanding that they are in this together.
The rangers forgo their Zords and head into the city to see a giant brain with a ray gun. Trini just stares at it unblinking for a good two minutes before speaking.
"Tommie, did you give us edibles again without telling us? Because I think I'm seeing things."
"You talking about the gigantic brain with arms and legs? No that's real and right in front of us."
"Oh okay. That doesn't make this better."
"I know."
"Any guess on what their villain name will be?"
"Brainiac? It's gotta be a pun."
"That's copyrighted."
"I'm going with Cranium."
"That's also copyrighted. I’m personally going with Encephalon, it’s an old Greek word and not copyrighted.”
"Well we know that but the aliens don't. Hey, remember the talking Giant Ear?"
"I remember you using ASL for that week because it took your hearing away. Zack called you Hawkeye for the entire time."
"That's still funny by the way."
"Not after the tenth time, you said it. You really know how to hammer a joke to death."
"Can we focus on the alien brain monster shooting people in the middle of town with the small army of putties, please? We can finish this bickering over nothing later."
"Sure thing boss. Let's do this!"
They all hear Jason sigh but they charge forward and take out the putties with practiced ease before they see the brain monster turn and speak.
“Oh great, it talks too why can’t any of these things be mute?”
“But Trini if they were mute how would we hear their Evil Villain Monologue that they all somehow have?”
“You’re telling me you wouldn’t love to fucking talk to an alien with sign language babe?”
“You know that I would enjoy that.”
“Guys be quiet I want to hear his name so we can settle the bet.”
"There wasn't a bet."
"Shh!"
The brain monster doesn’t have a mouth so when it speaks they hear it telepathically in their heads at once.
“Why hello rangers, I was wondering when you were going to show up. It’s nice to finally meet, I’ve heard so much about you and have been eager to introduce myself. My name is Encephalon and I have traveled a long way to wipe you off the face of the earth!”
“Well done Billy that was his name!”
“Guys, please. Focus!”
Tommie rolls their eyes and turns towards Encephalon and smirks coming up with the perfect comeback. They normally don’t get to say the witty one-liner but today is their time to shine.
“That’s not going to happen Encephalon, you’re about to become gray splatter!”
“Ooh, that was excellent wordplay, Tommie.”
“Why thank you, Billy, I know I’m not the pun king and queen like those two over there but I try when I can.”
“Guys?He’s aiming his gun at us."
Trini watches as Encephalon raises his blaster to them and aim directly at Tommie as the gun charges.
“Guys??”
Tommie still isn’t paying attention and Trini watches a single blast shoots out of the gun and directly for them. Trini acts, the closest to her green teammate, diving towards them pushing them both down and out of the way just in time to not get hit by the green-ray. The brain growls and starts shooting in all directions making them all scatter, running and jumping around like popcorn in a pan. They run and jump, or flipping in Kim and Zack’s case, for fifteen minutes when Jason finally speaks trying to come up with a plan.
“He’s a giant brain so whatever that gun does is going to fuck with our heads so don’t let it hit you!”
“No shit Captain Obvious. Keep circling and distract him, I’m going to try and take it from him. He’s a giant brain he can’t be good at hand to hand fighting.”
“Can we pause for just a minute? Yo Encep can I ask you something?”
Encephalon on their part does stop shooting at them for the moment and answers to Tommie. The gruff voice comes through their minds like cutting through cold butter with a hot knife. Forceful and a little bit jarring.
“Yes, traitor?”
“Okay that wasn’t called for but whatever now I know how Zeddy boy talks about me when I’m not there. What are your pronouns?”
“What?”
“Come on you’re a giant brain, I’m sure you can understand this concept.”
Encephalon still doesn’t respond so Tommie decides to explain a little bit more about the concept of Gender. Like how they explained it to Trini’s brothers when they came out as non-binary to them
“Okay so are you like a guy brain or girl brain or neither?”
“Gender is not a concept on my planet. We are all giant brains that look the same with no genitals.”
“Wow, so you would say you have no gender? If you had to say one.”
“Yes, I guess I would say that.”
“Perfect, thank you. Guys apologize for misgendering the giant brain.”
Even though they can’t feel the looks the other rangers are giving them, they know the other five are giving them huge “what the fuck is wrong with you?” looks right now.
"Tommie seriously? They don't care about what we call them."
"Well I do, so apologize for misgendering them."
"Since we're stopped anyway can I ask what the weapon does?"
"How about I shoot you and find out?!"
"The fight is back on, SCATTER!"
The six of them split up, running in different directions and zigzag patterns in what is probably the most elaborate game of cat and mouse ever to exist. Zack and Kim end up jumping from roof to roof trying to keep the friendly fire to a minimum. Tommie is running directly in front of it but in a pattern to lure it out of the city which is only just working because Jason and Billy keep dodging from bush to bush and anything large enough to give them full cover. Trini is behind it being as quiet as possible with an occasional duck whenever Encephalon turns around, sticking close to enact her plan. Taking steps when they do to not give away her position. She just needs to grab the blaster and maybe a few kicks to the frontal lobe will do that as long as she stays quiet.
It’s a good plan, well it would have been if it worked. Billy and Jason in their efforts to distract run into each other and fall right in the middle of an open field making them sitting ducks. The other three are too far away to help them and she’s the fastest so she forgets going for the weapon and takes the blast for the two of them which immediately knocks her unconscious right in front of them.
“Trini? Trini are you okay, say something!”
“We need to get her out of here and back to the ship, she could be seriously hurt.”
“I got her. This isn’t the last you’ll see of us!”
The only sound they hear in return is the evil cackle of Encephalon in their minds as they retreat to the ship. Kim and Zack watch as Trini’s armor fades back into her skin once they get her back and to the med bay and see her nose bleeding. They clean her up and stay with her until she wakes up while the others do research on Encephalon and what that blast could do to Trini. Thanks to Tommie working with Rita before becoming good, they were able to create a database of all the planets with life that would want the Zeo crystal or the ones that Zedd has already taken over and are using the inhabitants as slaves. Jason and Billy are just about to figure it out when they all feel Trini coming to so they run into the med bay, Tommie decides to stay back and finish the search for Encephalon's planet and what that ray blast did. When they figures out what that weapon did to her, they pull Kim out of the room where Trini is and holds her back from going back in the room with the others.
"Tommie what the hell she was about to wake up?!"
"You need to hear this first. Encephalon is from a planet that name translates to Cranium, and when attacked their species can take another's memory away. I think Zedd took that power and weaponized it."
"So you're telling me that Trini might have lost her memory?"
"Yes but possibly not all of it. We won't know until Billy performs a concussion test."
"What if she doesn't remember dating me, I just got her I can't lose her again! Not now that I know what it's like to have her."
"One step at a time yeah? Let's see what she does remember first and then re-jog her memory."
Kim nods and walks back into the room alone, Tommie opting to stay out to not freak Trini out any more than she will be. The five of them watch as Trini blinks groggily and looks around for a moment before coughing and speaking.
“Why am I in the med bay did I get hurt? Also, my head really hurts so I guess that answers my first two questions.”
Kim, just happy that Trini is awake surges forward and kisses her long and hard, then hugs her even harder. The boys watch her blush but also look more confused than before which is not good. Trini pulls away from Kim, fighting her instincts to pull her closer and kiss her again. She’s missing something, she can tell by the looks on the boys' faces that something happened to her in battle and she had to be taken back to the ship to heal she just doesn’t know what.
“Okay, obviously I’m missing something here. What happened?"
Billy with a small hunch and orders from Tommie doesn’t answer but asks her a question instead.
“We’ll tell you but first can you answer a few questions, just to make sure you don’t have a concussion.”
“I thought Jason was the doctor on the team?"
“Humor me?”
“Okay, ask away.”
He goes through the typical questions like name, age, and her current location which she answers with ease. Those weren't the questions he was worried about. This is one of those times where he doesn't want to be right.
“We’re almost done just a few more you’re doing good. Where do you live and who do you live with?”
Trini chuckles obliviously at the question but answers confidently, believing she’s right.
“I live about four blocks away from you with my twin brothers and parents.”
Zack frowns first but she doesn’t see it focused on Billy and waiting for the next question. She doesn’t remember coming out and sleeping in his trailer that night because she didn’t want to be around her homophobic mother. That happened five months ago before Tommie joined the rangers and she started dating Kim.
“What happened yesterday? Like the most important thing that happened.”
“Uh I met Z from the soccer team and you all congratulated me for talking to another person that wasn’t you or Tommie. Am I almost done?”
Billy, now sure that Trini has lost a section of her memory like Kim lost her hearing a few weeks back, asks one final question to see just how much time is missing.
“What is your girlfriend’s name?”
Jason grabs Kim by the shoulders and braces himself for her reaction to Trini’s answer, knowing it won’t be Kim’s name she says. Tommie is standing outside the door listening to the questions and her heart goes out to Kim but if she’s missing six months how are they going to cover that up to everyone else? She doesn’t remember killing Rita with her or coming out to her mother and putting her in her place, probably the best moments of her life. On the other hand, she doesn’t remember the worst moments either like Rita kidnapping her and holding her hostage on the moon while she inhabited their body and that whole time. If she didn’t know Trini was the happiest she’s ever been with Kim she would take this opportunity to try and get Trini back but that isn’t them anymore.
"I'm dating Tommie. Am I all clear?"
Finally seeing the frowns on her friends' faces, her playful expression fades and she realizes something is very wrong.
"None of those answers were right were they?"
Zack shakes his head no and she can hear Kim begin to cry while Jason and Billy look just as sad but are holding it together. Tommie takes that moment to step into the room and comfort Zack and try to explain what happened to Trini. The confusion only gets worse when she sees Tommie walk in because she has no memory of them knowing she's a ranger let alone being on the team.
"Hey T. So this is about to be confusing for you but just listen okay? That's the best thing about you, you always listen. So we were fighting an alien that has the power to take away their enemy's memories and you got hit. You didn't lose everything but, after hearing your answers to Billy's questions you're missing about six months of time."
"Six months??? What did I miss, and don't just tell me the good parts."
"Well we broke up, and you started dating Kim. Which, finally, by the way. You came out to your mother and promptly moved out because you didn't want to deal with her anymore. You were homeless for a while until Billy found out and made you move in with him. Uh, we killed Rita, the two of us together and I joined the team as the green ranger."
Tommie turns back to the other four rangers, unable to go on before they start crying, asking for help and they help them fill in the gaps in Trini's memory the best they can. Trini listens to everything and while she's taking it all in she gets very overwhelmed by the things she hears very quickly. So much happened to them, to her, in the six months that she's missing that after a while she just checks out. Kim notices instantly and gives the other four of them a look, silently asking them to give them a moment alone. Zack gets the hint and ushers the rest of them out so his two girls can have privacy.
It's silent for a moment before Trini starts chuckling. Kim looks up at her with tear-stained cheeks like she lost her whole mind not just her memory.
"Are you seriously laughing right now? What is funny because I love to laugh if you can't remember."
"It's nothing, just...I'm finally happy and I can't remember what it feels like. The feeling I've been searching for, fighting for and I HAD it. Now I can't remember it all. Maybe I'm not supposed to be happy at all in life."
"That's not true."
"Well according to the facts and my history I beg to differ."
Trini pouts and Kim goes to reach out to grab her hand but stops short, unsure of what to do and instead reaches out through the morphing grid and feels for their connection. She tugs at it and it's still as strong as ever, unbroken even through this setback. Trini feels the tug in her mind and heart and interlocks their hands like Kim was going to do. Trini wishes that she could take the sadness away from her but she doesn't think she can, at least not until she gets her memories back. Still, she's gonna try, because sometimes trying is all you need.
"Kim. Can you look at me please?"
After about a minute she looks up making eye contact and sniffles a little bit, her eyes brimming with tears that Trini wishes she could wipe away.
"I want you to know something, so open those ears for me pretty girl. Just because I don't remember loving you doesn't mean I don't anymore. Because there is nothing short of death that will make me stop loving you. Actually no, not even death could stop the inevitably that is us."
"I thought I was supposed to be the talker between the two of us. Now, look at you."
"Well I was in love with you even while I was dating Tommie, so losing my memory doesn't change anything about my feelings for you."
"I know, you told me that when you first kissed me. You were still with Tommie when you told me you loved me."
"Don't spoil everything, I want to be surprised when it all comes back to me."
"You're insane."
"Yet you love me anyway."
"Because loving you is easier than breathing."
"Are you two done yet because we need to come up with a plan for what to do at school."
Zack and Tommie pop their heads in the door and Kim rolls her eyes because of course, those two are the ones to interrupt them.
"They were shooting civilians, right? We'll just say you were caught in the crossfire and help you out whenever we can."
"We can only use that excuse so many times before people start to catch on. Dr. Cranston will see through it when you go home."
"Why would I...oh wait you just told me never mind."
"We'll cover for her when we can but Trini is smart she can handle herself just fine."
"Yeah, I can bullshit my way out of any situation. Plus I have my journal, I write everything down, at least I hope I still do."
"You do don't worry, you're always writing in that thing."
"Aww, do you want to see what's inside babe?"
"Yes because you never show me and you know I'm nosey."
"It's just all my thoughts and emotions like Dr. Cranston said to. Do you let me see your therapy journal?"
"I tried but you said you didn't want to read it. You said that some things you didn't want to know as long as we aren't keeping things from each other."
"Wow I'm smart, you should listen to me."
Kim rolls her eyes but smiles lightly because her girl is still in there, just not all of her. The four of them continue to talk and come up with viable reasons for her memory loss and settle for saying that she got caught in the crossfire like they originally thought of. They hope no one notices at all and they can get through the week but they all know that won't happen. They all head home and pray that no one figures them out.
Trini as soon as she gets in her room, after an awkward dinner with Dr. Cranston, grabs her private journal and opens to the last thing she remembers writing down and starts reading. She reads and reads and reads, tearing through the pages until she gets to the last one. Frustrated she grabs a random bag, fills it with a few things, including the journal, and jumps out the window and making her way to Kim's house. Climbing up to look through the window she sees Kim writing in her own journal before looking up and towards the window and seeing her. She taps on the glass, surprised to find the window locked and Kim lets her in without question.
"It's not normally locked."
"Yeah but you usually let me know if you're coming by first so I would unlock it for you. Let me just finish this okay?"
"Yeah no, you finish that I'm gonna pace or something, or write in mine I don't know yet."
"Indecisiveness must have come with the memory loss, or you're freaking out. Give me like two minutes okay?"
Trini nods and paces for the time it takes Kim to finish writing for Dr. Cranston. She feels Kim before she speaks as her arms wrap around her midsection making her stop in her tracks. She sighs in the embrace and just breathes in Kim's scent calming her anxious thoughts.
"You know you've always been able to do that?"
"What?"
"Bring me back down to earth, it's always been you."
"Good to know, you do that for me too. What's wrong?"
Trini shuffles them both towards the chair in the corner and Kim gets the hint and leads them to it to sit down. The chair is big enough for both of them and it was bought with the thought of sharing in mind. Trini is gripping her journal in a clenched fist, making her whole body tense and unable to get comfortable in her position. Kim squints at the leather-bound journal in her girlfriend's hand and becomes confused. That isn't her therapy journal, it's a much fancier one like the ones Zack bought Billy for Christmas last year.
“You weren’t kidding about writing everything down, is that a new one?”
"No. I realized that if I only wrote about half of the shit that would happen to us it wouldn't help and I couldn't write it in the one Dr. Cranston checks so I bought this so I could write it all down. It has all my memories inside of it."
"That's great, right?"
"Yeah! Now I know what happened and when. I just have no emotional connection to any of it."
Kim sits up to face Trini directly and makes eye contact with her. She looks in pain but she knows it's not physical so she delves further.
"What do you mean? Help me understand."
"I mean that I read this and I felt nothing, it was basically like reading a sad book. I have no connection to my own fucking memories! I thought it would work like amnesia and reading this would make it all come back, but no. It's all gone, the first time we kissed, telling my mother to kiss my ass, our first time together all of it! And that makes me so fucking angry!"
Trini flings the book accidentally and it hits the wall with a thud loud enough that Kim thanks God her parents aren't home. She slides out of the chair and in front of her, kneeling in front of her and gripping her hands to ground her in reality and her presence. She hears the sobs and holds her through them occasionally kissing Trini's hands. The sobs subside to silence for two minutes or so before Trini speaks again.
"Why aren't you more upset?"
"Why would I be upset? You're going to get your memories back, just like I got my hearing and Billy got his eyesight back "
“But they're still gone. I feel voilated because of this, he took away everything from me. He took away you."
"No he didn't I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."
"Don't you see what's happening? Things always seem to get in the way of us being happy together. Because as soon as we find our way to each other finally this happens. This is a sign that we shouldn't be together. Aren’t you tired of always having to fight for us?”
Kim kisses the hand she’s gripping again and smiles sadly at the girl of her literal dreams. The girl that she promised to never stop fighting to love and protect even though she doesn’t need it. The girl who tries to hide her soft center behind a damaged hard shell. The girl she is desperately in love with.
"No, because if I stop fighting for us assume I'm being brainwashed and knock me out okay?"
Trini snorts but doesn't smile or react to her joke past that. Kim stands and lets go of her hand but only for a moment to move about the room. Kim walks over to pick up the notebook and holds it in her hands for a moment then walks back. She goes to sit back down in the chair but Trini has man-spread across the entire seat.
"Normally I find it hot when you spread but that chair is big enough for the both of us so scoot over."
She forces Trini to lean to one side and slides in behind her, placing the notebook in her lap, and starts taking down her twists to massage her scalp. She waits until all the tension has left her body then speaks.
"Are you ready to listen now or are you still in your head? It doesn't matter I'm going to talk anyway because this is what you came here for, my advice and care and intimacy. Whether you knew that or not is up to you but I know you well enough to know that's why you came over instead of wallowing in your self-pity or the bottom of a bottle. So you don't remember our first kiss? I do, it was clumsy, awkward, while you were with someone else, and on the heels of Rita's torture. I don't want you to have that as a reminder of our first kiss, or our first time because it happened on the same day because you wanted me to help you feel human again. I'm not angry about this because while that alien took your memories it also took your traumas and pain and all the things I never want you to think about again. And I know, living comes with pain, but you have had to deal with more than most. So, so what if I don't want you to see your Mother's face or hear her voice as she called you a disgrace in your nightmares, or no longer have PTSD? I just want to be a little selfish for you since you would never be selfish for yourself. As your girlfriend, my priority is your happiness first, and fuck if those memories make you happy then maybe I'm doing this wrong."
Kim leans down and kisses Trini's forehead while she takes a breath. Trini doesn't speak or acknowledge her but Kim knows her girlfriend better, she's processing everything and begrudgingly admitting to herself that she's right.
"And if this is a sign that we should give up on this, on this thing that we have that is more beautiful than the Nothern Lights, maybe that shot took your sanity too. If you think I am about to give up on you, you're out of your mind. So you dont remember our firsts? So what! We can always just replace the old memories with some new ones, better ones. Those memories mean nothing when we can just make more to replace the old ones, besides I'm always down for some fun under the covers, especially now that you're mine."
Finally, she gets a laugh out of the shorter girl and looks down to see beautiful brown eyes staring into her own. Her smile is soft and Kim knows it's the smile reserved for her in the moments where they are alone that show how completely in love with her Trini truly is. They share a Spiderman kiss before Trini sits up and rolls her eyes at her girlfriend.
"Of course you would end that heartwarming speech with asking to have sex. Never change."
"Can you blame me? You're very good at what you do."
"Can it wait until after we get my memories back?"
"Really? Do I have to give that speech again?"
"No, it's not that I promise. I just want to save it for a celebration."
She sees nothing but honesty in Trini's eyes so she nods and kisses her again before finding her something to sleep in for the night. Kim gets to sleep easily but Trini stays awake a little longer than her, her brain working in overdrive making her restless. She sees her journal in her peripheral vision and grabs it and opens it to a new page.
Today I lost my memory, I can't remember anything I wrote in this book before today. Most of those memories were bad tho and Kim says I shouldn't want to remember them but I want to. Having my memories stolen from me feels like I've been violated and I just want to take it away. I shouldn't worry about it because the team will solve this and everything will be back to normal but it won't be for me. I will have another trauma to add to my seemingly never-ending list of them. I just want it all to stop It is getting harder and harder to breathe. I'm so tired of treading water in this never-ending ocean of pain, when will I finally be able to swim to shore? The shore seems so close but I can never seem to reach it. I'm so tired of trying to stay afloat to appear fine.