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Panic sizzled in his chest, a fire igniting making it hard to breath.
It was too bright. Too much. He slammed his eyes together, making him very aware that his whole body was shaking, and so opened them again.
The world tilted dangerously and the urge to throw up grew as he stumbled forward slightly, not enough breath in him to ward off the fire that was starting to spread.
He couldn’t think of anything but the need to get out. He needed to get away, but his legs were not cooperating as well as they should, and he grabbed at the wall so he could somewhat steady himself.
He went rigid, gasping for air in between hiccups and sobs, not even aware that he was crying, and loudly. It came out more as a wail, and somewhere deep in his mind he knew that it had attracted some attention. Attention that he didn’t need right now.
He could faintly hear someone talking, but couldn’t make out who or what they were saying, too busy listening to the rapid thump thump thump of his heart.
He gasped again, and somewhere in his head he thought, ‘maybe now is a good time to sit down,’ only it was too late and he was already falling forwards.
He couldn’t breath.
He couldn’t do this.
He couldn’t...
Then his mind was wiped for a few seconds.
Reality clawed it’s way back in when he could hear his own hitching breaths, as well as the feeling of warm arms enveloping him. He pried his eyes open, still sticky with tears, and tried to breathe slower. Steadier. Everything was seeming to calm. He could hear the person holding him was talking, and the sound of his heartbeat was beginning to dull so that he could just about make out what they were saying.
“It’s okay my love. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
Freddie.
It was whispered, and as he became more aware he realised he was being slowly rocked backwards and forwards, plastered to Freddie’s chest so tight that he was glad he was starting to get his breathing under control.
His eyes lazily looked around from where he was curled against Freddie’s chest, seeing how John and Brian had preoccupied the roadies, and he mentally noted to thank them later.
He snuggled closer to Freddie, moving his head from his chest to nuzzle in the crook of his neck.
He felt Freddie’s hand slowly rub up and down his back. He felt Freddie breathing and tried to match it, trying to get his breathing back to normal.
Freddie placed a kiss to his hair before sitting back slightly so he could get a better look at Roger.
The blonde’s face was flushed, soaked with tears, his eyes bloodshot, and he was still trembling; his teeth chattering uncontrollably.
“You okay?”
Roger nodded, not trusting his voice.
Everything was still so overwhelming, but it had dulled slightly now that most of the panic had left his system, and instead left him with anxiety that made him just want to close his eyes again.
“You did so well my love. So so well,” Freddie whispered with a small smile, moving a piece of blonde hair behind Roger’s ear.
Roger sniffled, going back to press his face against Freddie’s neck. Freddie smelled faintly of cigarettes and sweat from the gig, but mostly of home. He was home. And it helped calm Roger to know he was safe. That Freddie would never ever let him go through anything alone.
“I’m going to help you stand up now and we’ll get you into the dressing room so you can sit properly,” Freddie told him softly.
Roger nodded again, and felt himself being pulled up from where he was crumpled on the floor and onto his feet, a protective arm wrapped tightly around his waist.
The anxiety was still there, causing havoc with his mind, but he could breathe properly with it only being interrupted with a slight hitch or hiccup.
He pressed himself tighter into Freddie’s side and let himself be half carried back to their dressing room, wondering what the hell he would do if he didn’t have Freddie.
The fire had nearly been blown out, only simmering in the back of his mind. But that was okay. He was okay for now. He would deal with the rest later when he felt more mentally prepared.
And he knew he always had his soulmate by his side.