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Wer hat in meinen Kopf geschaut und aus dem Traum gebaut?
Who has looked in my head and built you from my dream?
Shin woke up in the middle of the night. He didn't know what woke him. He was just awake, staring at the wall, since he was laying on his side. His shoulder hurt. Had that been the reason he opened his eyes? Shin stayed unsure about the reason, but he knew he had to turn around. Carefully Shin shifted his weight. A slight pressure of his arm told him to be this cautious, it was placed over his side and lay across his belly. Slowly Shinsuke turned his body till he lay on his other side, looking in the open eyes of Tanahashi. He was awake, smiling at him. Why had he been this careful just to find him like that?
But he could be angry at him. This smile! How could he be so lucky being with the man of his dreams? How did he deserve him and all this luck he brought in his life?
Deine Haut ist kühl und weich, ...
Your skins is cool and soft, …
Shin crawled closer to Tana, stroking with his hand over the massive arm of Hiroshi. He felt the cool skin under his fingertips. Just like silk, Tanas Skin was soft and always a little more chilled as Shins own.
A cold breeze blew through the curtains, kissing Tanas skin and helping to cool it down. Shin loved to touch him, his Mochi like skin, smooth and soft. Shin loved to kiss him or letting his tongue wander over Tanas body.
... deine Augen Sternen gleich...
… your eyes like stars…
Shin and Tana locked eyes with each other. The moon spent some light, making Tanas darken and warm eyes sparkle joyful and sleepy. Shin could lose himself in theses, just endless staring at him. He loved how intense they were. How quick they seem to change their color, when the lighting changed. It often felt like falling when Shin got lost in these eyes again. He just couldn't quit smiling, because of Tana.
... und sie schauen mich spöttisch an, weil ich nicht Süßholz raspeln kann.
… Which look at me mockingly, since I'm not good in charming.
Both of their heads were placed on the same pillow, both men smiling. Shin opened his mouth, having the urge to say something, to tell the other what his head was telling him. But Tana put his fingers over his lips, holding back the load of words Shin wanted him to hear. His eyes, playful, laughing, happy. A pure gift of emotions. "Shut up, chan… don't ruin it with bad words… just be there!" Tanas soft voice pleaded to him while having a joyfully tone in it, knowing what Shin was up to, like he had done it before. He wasn't a player who caught the world with words, he did it with his eyes, with long lasting looks.
Manchmal möcht' ich dich verführen, dich nur mit meinem Blick berühren, weil du so zart bist.
Sometimes I wanna seduce you, touch you just with my view, since you're so gentle.
Shins eyes strayed over Tanas face, down to his neck, pulling up again to his face. Shin sat up a little by pushing his body up to looking down on the man he loved who was bathed in the light of the moon. His bare chest, huge and wide. His belly, hard and trained. Huge arms, which could hold Shin tight. Shins smile changed from happy, to tempting, he slowly bid his lower lip, trying to seduce Tana just using his view. The older opened his arms, to pull him closer in to a loving huge that never wanted Shin to break up.
Und was ich am liebsten spür', bevor ich mich im Traum verlier', ist wie du atmest.
And what I mostly love to feel, before I will get lost in my dream, is how you breathe.
Shin let himself sink into Tanas arm. He closed his eyes, feeling the heartbeat. But most importantly he heard his lovers breath. With closed eyes he laid there, half of his body above Tana, the rest next to him. Skin met skin. Shin felt the breath of Tana in his hair, how it stroked over his forehead. This was the perfect feeling of peace. Laying in the arms of Tana, on the edge to fall back into his sleep. Hearing this low sounds of the other male falling asleep as well. Peace. This was Shinsukes save space… hearing Tana breathe.
Ohne dich bin ich nicht viel: Wie ein Besen ohne Stiel, wie ein Fenster ohne Glas, wie Mallorca ohne Bars, wie ein Vogel ohne Nest, und darum halte ich dich fest.
Without you, I'm not much: Like a broom without his stick, like a window without glass, like Mallorca without pubs, like a bird without its nest, that's why I hold you close.
There had been a time, when Shin wasn't lucky to find peace in Tanas arms. It was a rough time for him, he felt incomplete and without a meaning in live. Not completely dysfunctional, but incomplete. He wasn't lost or hopeless, but happy neither. It was like a puzzle that hadn't been finished until the last piece found its place. That piece had been Tana.
The puzzle piece didn't slip in on the first time they met, even with both man standing across each other on different side of the road for quite some time. Shin surveyed him. Tana was "just" an old friend he met again, but this time it was different to see him. Shin crossed the road to greet him. After that Shins and Tanas life grew together more and more and Shin was always just happy to see him. He hadn't that shallow feeling anymore, his heart started to race every time he would just sit next to him, looking into Tanas brown eyes. So one day he just jumped into cold water reached out for the older one, wrapping his arms around him, kissing and feeling how the kiss was given back. That was the moment the puzzle piece slipped into the whole in Shins life and he knew he had to hold him tight.
Ich fühle mich von dir beschützt, du bist so schön wie du hier sitzt, und auf mich wartest.
I feel saved by you, you're so beautiful sitting here, while you're waiting for me.
Tana did the same, holding on to Shin. His arms were wrapped around him and he felt saved. He didn't know what Tana was saving him from, but he did. This tight grip which didn't allow any resistance became his new save space and every time they met again after this special day, Shin was in pure anticipation to see Tana again. Sitting there, waiting for him. Seeing the sun sparkle in his silky hair which showed the wonderful variation of the different blond tones. Pure beauty and patience paired with security. Shin felt blessed and lucky and never looked back again.
Du musst nicht deine Liebe schwör'n, ich würd' nur gern für immer hör'n, wie du atmest.
You don't have to vow your love, forever I just like to hear how you breathe.
Both never tied the knot. Shin was happy how they lived. Everything what led his way had been this moments when he found his head placed on Tanas chest hearing him breathe. He needed big moments or vows. He just needed Tana and the having him sit next to him in the couch. Hearing his clear regular breath when he napped during their favourite show. Shin was plain happy with the older guy, happy that they found after the long time it took and enjoyed every moment in peace listing to Tanas exhausted breath when he was running on his home trainer.
Suddenly honking, loud noise, metallic screaming catapulted Shinsuke back to reality. Goosebumps where on his arms as he opened his eyes in shock. His view directed to the open window. What has happened? Shin stretched out his arms and legs, groaning a little, feeling that known pain in his limps, which won't leave him anymore. He sat up, slowly, but he was nosey! What did happen in front of their window?
Shin stood up by pulling himself up by the windowsill. His back hurt a little, his age showed there more than on his face. As he looked down, there wasn't anything interesting. Weird, but it took some time, maybe they had been gone already. "I'm becoming too slow, don't you... Think?" Shin had turned around to talk to Tana and realised the he wasn't here anymore.
Ich stell mir nie vor wie es wär', gäb's dich irgendwann nicht mehr, weil das zu hart ist.
I never imagine how it would be, if some day you wouldn't be there, because that's too hard to bear.
When he was awake, Shin constantly knew this fact, but right after his dreams...
Shin swallowed, sitting back on the bed, brushing back an grew hair strand. He bit his lower lip, was he ready to face the day already? Shin decided not to. So he crawled back on the bed, laying on his other side, staring at the empty bedside, letting his hand wander over the cold fabric where he used to be, ready to pull him into his arms.
Doch sollte ich dich einst verlieren, werd ich in meinen Träumen spüren, wie du atmest.
But should I lose you one day, I will feel in my dreams, how you breathe.
Shin closed his eyes again. Just to open them up again and looking at Tana. Sleeping, peacefully, breathing lowly. Whereever in the world Shin had to go, whenever he had to leave his love behind, he had been by his side in his dreams. Tana and his low regular sounds of his breath. Shin was happy to spend this time with him and theses small moments of love every night made him go on, because he knew. One day he would close his eyes and it wouldn't be a dream that Tana would be at his side again.