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I had finally admitted I had feelings for him or I hadn't told him yet, but the other boys had guessed it, now I just needed to find Michael and tell him. I walked into the hotel bar where I knew he would be, I met Luke on the way.
"Y/n maybe you shouldn't go into the bar."
"Why Luke?"
When he didn't gave me a reason I walked inside. There he was next to a pretty blonde, looking very much into her, I got near him but he hadn't seen me, and before I could call his name, he kissed her. There I was seeing the boy who had chased me just like the movies for years, with me telling him I wasn't interested in him like that and that he should move on. Him doing just that, but my heart broke. I knew I shouldn't have accepted those feelings for him, I knew it was a mistake, and I turned around, seeing Luke who had seen it all. I just walked past him, not in the mood to talk, I just wanted to get away.
I kept on walking, and walked a long way, just thinking about all of the great moments with Michael, remembering every private thing and every hidden smile. I wasn't going to cry, I couldn't, it was my own fault for not telling him. I had known about my feelings for so long, only letting myself feel them when I was alone, i had just told the boys about them and now he was gone.
I looked at my phone, on my screen, it was a picture, Ashton had taken of Michael and me, on a free day where we were all just goofing around at home. The picture was me and Michael napping, my head on his chest, his arms around me and a smile on both of our lips. I bit my lip so I could hold the tears back. I called Calum, knowing he wouldn't push me to talk.
"Ello?"
"Calum, can you please come pick me up?"
"Y/n? What is wrong?"
"I'm not in the mood to talk about it."
"Okay, I'll be there in a sec."
I waited and 15 minutes later, Calum came. He opened the door from inside the van and when I sat down he started driving, we didn't talk. When we reach the hotel, I whispered "thank you."
"He looked at me and said:
"You would do the same for me. So no problem."
We started going up, but when we reached our floor, I looked at the door where me, Luke and Michael had our shared room, there was a "please don't disturb" sign on the door, Calum looked at me.
"Honey, you can sleep next to me. Don't you worry, we will fix this."
"There is nothing to fix, Cal. I turn him down enough times, now he has moved on and I can't do a thing about it. Only being his best friend, and I'm good at that. So let's just keep this between us. What done is done. You know."
It wasn't a question he should answer, I knew what the boys thought, they wanted us together, but it wasn't going to happen. My heart had officially giving up. We walked the rest of the way in silence. I was glad Calum didn't push me to say anything. We walked inside, Luke and Ashton were watching tv and talking quietly together, when Luke saw me he started saying something, but I shook my head telling him not now. And walked to the bathroom.
"Boys? Is it okay that I'm taking a long shower?"
Ashton looked up, and smiled. He didn't know what happened.
"Sure babe."
"Thank you. But when I come out I don't wanna talking about Michael and me." And with that I closed the door, leaving Ashton confused.
I could hear them talk, but tried to think about something else. It shouldn't affect me like this, a week ago, I had kept all of this a secret, but this was the first time, since Michael started showing his feelings for me, that he hooked up with someone else. I went under the shower and no tears came. I stayed under there for 30 minutes, just looking at the water. This would be the last time I was going to think about my feelings, I was going to go out and be Michael Clifford's best friend, just like before. I dried myself and went out.
"Which bed can I crash in?"
The boys looked at me with so much sympathy in their eyes.
"Please don't boys. I'm fine, he is fine, we are all fine. If I can just get a bed..." I said with a tired and quiet voice.
"You can take whatever bed you want to night love." Ashton said with a unhappy voice. I nodded and went to the bed with nothing on it expect for a black pair of skinny jeans.
I couldn't sleep, the boys were trying to be quiet and let me get my peace after I had turn around a million times in about 30 minutes the boys were talking about going to bed.
"Lukey are you sleeping in here too?" I whispered
"Yeah I am hon." He answered
"Can we cuddle then."
"Always, I'll come in a minute."
When he came to bed and the lights was turn off I cuddled closer and he took his arms around me and started stroking my hair, I felt the tears and started crying for the first time that day. He comforted me and held me closer, suddenly I felt more arms around me, which just made me cry even more. We all cuddled that night, I didn't sleep much, but I felt save and loved by three amazing guys, it didn't matter that the boy I loved, was hooking up with some one else, or that was what I told myself.
The next day the arms were gone. Nobody was in the room, but I didn't feel alone, I needed time to think and time to find out what I wanted, I knew that is was a lie that I could just stop loving him like more than a friend, but I had to try. I looked to the side a saw a note.
"We went to a signing and an interview we will be back later, use this day to sleep and think babe. We love you, Ash, Cal and Lukey"
I smiled, I knew that these boys would love me no matter what. But I missed his name on it. I couldn't stop wondering if he had asked where I was or if he didn't care anymore. I felt a sleep thinking about him and I. When I woke up Luke was in the room, just sitting next to me, I looked up.
"How was the interview?"
"It was fine, nothing special."
"What about the signing?"
"Super great a fan asked about you."
"That is sweet I love talking with your fans." I said smiling. The fans were one of the best parts of being friends with the boys, always so nice and always up for a chat when I was waiting for the boys to come find me.
"And they love you. We all do"
"I know. I love you guys too."
"Good baby. How are you?"
"I'm not sure Luke." I really wasn't. I knew it was my own mistake but still.
"Okay, but we are here for you. Always"
"I know. I'm here for you too."
Nobody said anything for a while. Then Ashton walked in.
"I'm hungry. Do you wanna get lunch Y/N?"
"Sure. I just need some clothes." I said realizing that my luggage was in Michaels room.
"I can go get it for you?" Like suggested.
"No it's fine. I have to treat him normally. He didn't know about my feelings and that is my own fault."
I walked out the door, down to our room, used my card and walked inside. I could hear the shower running.
"It's just me, Michael. I need so clothes to go grab lunch with Ashton and Luke."
He didn't answer, so I just started grabbing some clothes. I took a pair of jeans on, a t-shirt and a hoodie. I looked in the mirror pulling my hair up in a high ponytail and checking my face for makeup, most of it gone, so I took some new mascara on.
I grab my vans and my purse. The shower had stopped running and the door opened.
"Hi Y/N. Where are you going?"
"I have just told you through the door, but apparently you couldn't hear me. I'm going out for lunch with Ash and Luke."
"Can I come?"
"Sure you can." I said. Not really sure at all. I wasn't ready to spend time with him, but I couldn't stop being his friend.
"I'll tell the boys to wait. Maybe find Calum too and have a lunch like we used too."
He smiled at me.
"You mean like yesterday and the day before that?" He said while laughing. I nodded. He didn't knew that yesterday changed everything.
Doing lunch the boys were all trying to hard to acted like nothing happened. The tension was so big or at least for me, Michael didn't seem to notice at all. Everything seemed normal, but it was an act. I didn't say much if they didn't talking directly to me.
"Y/N?" Michael
"Yeah Mikey?"
"When have you stolen that t-shirt?"
I looked down. It was his famous IDIOT t-shirt.
"Sorry I hadn't seen that it was that shirt. Some of your t-shirts are in my luggage. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It looks good on you keep it." He said and smiled. Looking so sincerely.
"No it's fine. I'll change when we get back to the hotel."
"Babe it's okay. Keep it."
"Please don't call me babe today."
"Why?" I could feel all of the boys eyes on me now.
"I'm not your babe."
"But when Calum said it five minutes ago you were his?"
"I might be. You don't know if me and Calum are dating. You are to busy hooking up with slutty girls." I said, looking at him.
"So you like Calum? Date him. See if I care. I'm so done with this."
"Fine Michael." I stood up and walked away. I wanted to go home, but it was summer time, so it would be a hell getting a flight home from the US to England. I started packing my luggage, if I couldn't return home, I could book a room for myself.
After getting a room I looked at my phone. I had a couple of messages from each boys. None from the boy I wanted, but Cal, Luke and Ashton wanted to know where I was. Five minutes later there was a knock on my door. I opened it. It was Ashton.
"You're still in his shirt and slutty girls? Really? I don't want to pick a side but he is my brother and what you said hurt him so bad. He wanted you for so long and when he finally stopped trying you decided you wanted him. But guess what that is not how the world is. You can't play with peoples feelings like that."
I was shocked. I didn't know what to say or do.
"I'm sorry Ashton."
"Yeah but you shouldn't say that to me."
"I know, but..."
"No buts. You are not breaking this band up we all love you, but you weren't fair and we need Michael to be happy."
"Okay." Ashton turn away and walked down the hall. I knew I had to say I'm sorry, but I was to stubborn.
I walked around my room thinking for a long time. Not looking at anything, but seeing everything differently.
I walked up to his door and knocked. Nobody answered.
"Mikey? Michael. Please, can we talk? I said some mean things that I didn't mean." Still no answer.
"I'll put you shirt outside you door." I could hear that he was there.
"I'm going home for a while. I just need you to know that I love you and that you will always be my best friend. No matter what." I waited a couple of minutes.
"Bye Mikey."
I started walking away. Tears started going down my cheeks, I went down to my room, taking my luggage and going for the elevator, right before the doors closed someone yelled.
"Please hold the door!" I pushed the bottom and took my earplugs in wanting to hear some sad songs, maybe I would finally get what Taylor Swift sang about in those sad love songs. I kept looking down until I hear my name being said, I looked up, there he was. Michael Clifford. The person who had made me cry, not on purpose.
"Michael. I have to go home."
"Please stay, I need to know everything. I can't understand why you suddenly hate me."
"Michael the elevator is going down now."
"Then come out." He said taking my hand. I looked down, smiling at our hands.
"Okay, let's talk and put everything on the table."
He nodded. We walked to the room in silence. When we came inside, I looked at him and he looked at me. The time stopped and suddenly we were much closer than before.
"Y/N I'm going to kiss you now, if you don't want to push me away, but I have to try this one thing" and with that he kissed me. His soft lips met mine and I kissed him back with all the passion I could. I needed to show him why I did what I did earlier. He moved away.
"Wow babe" he smiled at me and I nodded because wow this was amazing.
"Now, I really hope you are not with Calum or any other." I had completely forgotten about that and suddenly remember the girl. I pushed his arms away.
"Michael I need to tell you something. Last time I saw you was right before your tour started and we were acting like we always do, I am me when I'm with you, you can always make me happier than any other. And when you left I started missing you like never before, I mean I always miss you, but this time my heart felt empty." I looked at him, he was looking at me with so much passion so I continued.
"I didn't know why, I just knew I missed you more than anything and that I wanted you next to me. So I started thinking about all of the times you had said that we should date and I had answered with nah we are not meant to be, and wished I had never turned you down. Because I love you more than just a friend. I love you like the soulmate kinda thing you know? You have said this for many years and my parents have said it too, even the three other boys have said it, but I couldn't see it before you were gone. Now it is all I can see."
I looked him in the eyes and he was crying.
"I love you too babe. Always have and always will. We are meant to be. Every time I write a song it's about you, every time I get asked to described my dream girl you are the first thing to pop in to my head. I want you more than anything. I know you saw me in the bar with that girl and Luke have told me that you cried over it. But I needed you to tell me all of this. I don't wanna be with any one other that you. When I took her up to my room, it was the stupidest thing I could do and when I tried hooking up with her all I could see was your beautiful face, and your eyes, your pretty, pretty eyes. I couldn't focus on any other thing than you and I started crying. She left. The only reason I took her up was because I had giving up on you. I needed to feel some love and the only person I wanted was you, but you didn't want me. Therefor I found love somewhere else but that wasn't love. You are. I can't imagine a life without you."
His speech had made me crying so now we were both crying. I pulled at his hand and kissed him.
"I want this so much. You are mine. And I don't wanna share you with anyone. Please tell me you wanna be my girlfriend now?"
"Okay." I said, and he smiled
"Okay." He laughed. I laughed too and whispered "okay" against his lips.
"And that is the last time I have done this with you. I love you, but I'm not quoting love songs or movies with you." He said. I knew he was a sucker for love stories, but it was fine with me.
"Okay." I laughed and he playfully pushed me.
I looked at him with hope and love.
"But I'll only accept that if you write me a love song." I said joking.
"I will write you one everyday."
"Okay." I said with the biggest smile.
"I love you, Y/N. So much."
"And I love you Mikey. Let's cuddle."
"I kinda promised the other boys that we would find them when we were doing fighting. But yeah let's cuddle for a while."
"Or we can find them, tell them. Go out buy some ice cream and then come back cuddle and watch movies?" I said, thinking about old times.
"Just as long as a get to kiss you."
"Sounds like a plan in my head" and I kissed his lips.