Chapter Text
Teru’s eyes shifted a little under heavy lids, he was awake, yet his body felt dull and heavy, as though it was covered by invisible weights. He found he lacked the strength yet to open his eyes, but he was pretty well aware of where he likely was; the smell was hard to ignore, sterile and musty as all hospitals smelled. He tried wading through the fog in his mind, grasping at a brief flash of memory before it became stringy and faded away, then blew back in full force like a knife to his temple. In the memory, there was Kageyama, rampaging, unreadable to most, but to teruki his emotions were laid bare. What he saw was unimaginable distress overcoated with a palpable layer of sadness. A pain swelled in his chest, but this one wasn’t from any injury he was aware of, it was just born of the overwhelming need in his heart to protect his friend, to offer him comfort.
The memory flickered in and out in flashes, one moment he was near his friend, the next slammed back, not once or twice, but three times; each recall he felt the sting more clearly than the last. The third time, the memory went dark, and he was back in the hospital bed, alone. Or so he thought.
With all the willpower he could muster, he opened his eyes, lashes flickering, eyelids still filled with an intense weight. The view was fuzzy at first but slowly unclouded after a few moments. It was dark, his bed was next to a large window, curtains drawn out of the way so that the night sky was visible. He heard the faint beeps of a monitor and shifted his gaze to the iv needle in his left arm. Wow, he really did a number on me this time, huh . He gasped softly upon noticing faint breathing coming from the opposite side of the bed. It took a minute, but he finally gathered the strength to turn his head in its direction.
It was Kageyama, and he was fast asleep. He was leaned over the edge of the bed weightily, as though he finally had the chance to rest after staying up for several days. His forearms were draped loosely over Teru's legs and his head laid at an uncomfortable-looking angle near his thigh. His breathing was heavy but steady, and he seemed to be sleeping relatively in peace, though there was an indent in his slightly furrowed brow that spilled the truth of worry his body was trying to hide. His dark mop of hair was an absolute mess, and his face was littered with bandaids and bruises.
He was no longer wearing his uniform, it had been replaced by a pink hoodie, and likely jeans (though the lower half of his torso was beyond Teruki’s field of vision). The last thing teru remembered about Kageyama's uniform was that it looked torn up beyond repair. He let a soft laugh escape his lungs and raised a brow, I wonder how many uniforms he’s ruined this year alone. At least he was able to make a little light of the situation, which seemed almost impossible before he saw the boy who was conked out at his side.
He noticed a thin hospital blanket covering him loosely and figured the hospital staff must have put it there when they couldn’t wake him. It must be well past visiting hours considering how dark it is outside , he thought. He took a deep inhale in preparation for a sigh and realized the mistake instantly after a shooting pain went up the left side of his abdomen. Well, that’s not normal, he thought, still wincing from the shock after having exhaled. I don’t need to wonder why I’m here then I guess. He wanted to try moving his right arm, but the thought of the pain that had just gathered in his side made him hesitant. It’ll be alright, this side of me doesn’t feel so bad. His lips formed into a long thin line on his face and he inhaled deeply again, though not nearly as much this time, and shakily lifted his right arm. It was certainly heavy, but the pain that came from his shoulder was dull and bearable. He stretched it out, flexing his fingers and rotating his wrist. It was a slow start, but at least he knew he could move.
Arm still raised, he glanced back to Kageyama's face. It seemed to have shifted out of its worry somewhat, the crease between his brows now barely visible, frown replaced by a neutral, slightly open-mouthed expression. Some of the hair from his messy fringe had fallen into his face, teru lowered his arm instinctively, lightly parting it to the side where it wouldn’t be a bother when he woke up. He let his hand rest on one of Kageyama's arms and felt weight pulling at his eyelids again. He blinked a few times, then felt himself drifting off, a warm feeling pooling in his chest.
Teru again found his consciousness after the view in his closed eyes became less black and more grey. His eyelids fluttered open, the weight from hours before having greatly subsided. It was morning, albeit a similar grey to the one in his closed eye nothingness. Light raindrops hit the window, trickles of water running down it mesmerizingly. He gazed at it in longing, he wanted to be outside letting it pour over him, not stuck here in this dingy, sterile room, helpless, no, restless.
He heard his friend stir, and the feelings of restlessness dwindled in an instant. He glanced over to where Kageyama lay, brow crinkling and unwrinkling a few times in succession, soft noises escaping his mouth. His lashes flickered, then fluttered open, revealing a pair of deep brown eyes, ones that teruki greatly admired, ones that he had been unable to see on their last encounter. He felt the tug of a smile pull at his lips and let it form, he was happy just knowing he wasn’t alone, but even more so that it was Kageyama who kept him company. He held nothing of the previous day against him, the thought of holding on to any bitterness hadn’t even crossed his mind.
He allowed his friend to gather his surroundings, he was obviously surprised to find himself here, and sat up slowly, head turning about this way and that to observe and absorb. His gaze finally landed on teruki after a while, and after a slow blink turned from hazy to warm.
“I must have fallen asleep,” he said amusedly, rubbing away some of the tiredness in his eyes with the back of his sleeve. He looked down at his palms, which still laid gently on Teru's thigh. He still looked rather dazed to teru, although he could have been mistaking it for something far more serious. It was a rather unreadable look, which paired with his next words served to further edge teru, “this is my fault.” the way he said it was rather neutral, but teru knew that the statement was far from that. He wasn’t going to deny the claim since it was technically the truth, but him saying it so oddly, that’s what put teruki off. He considered his next words carefully.
“It doesn’t matter if it is or not. All that matters is you’re back to your usual self,” Kageyama looked up at him, his expression now readably somber, “you’re here, you care. That’s what matters. Right?” there was a flash of guilt in mob’s eyes, then a crinkle at their edges, brow furrowing upward. He inhaled a shaky breath through gritted teeth, tears beginning to form in the corners of his eyes.
“This is my fault.” this time the words were equally as shaky as his breath. Teruki was stunned, he had never seen anything like this coming from the person in front of him. All his outbursts had been immense and terrifying or completely inward and hardly readable, this was something new entirely. He felt his lips part slightly as if they wanted to say something, but he was at a loss for words, all he could do was sit there and watch helplessly as tears began to stream down Kageyama's face. He felt something warm dripping down his too and brought his hand up to touch the substance. He took a small glimpse of his glistening fingertips and then his eyes were back on his friend, studying his awkward whimpers and huffs reverently. Teruki carefully watched the way he rubbed the wet away from his face with his sleeve, the way he gripped the sheets covering Teru's leg white-knuckled. After a few minutes, the sobs subsided and made way for sniffles, his tears were ever-flowing, but he no longer seemed pressed to keep wiping them away.
“I’m sorry,” Kageyama's voice was but a murmur, slightly hoarse from all the sobbing it was not used to doing, “I'm sorry I hurt you.” he looked up at teru through glossy eyes wracked with guilt. Teruki still had no words to say, but he closed his mouth and tilted his head considerately, feeling a crease form on his forehead. He wanted Kageyama to know he was listening if he couldn’t respond however much his body craved it. He wondered if this was his first breakdown like this, it certainly seemed that way. He didn’t know what to do with himself, his body language all over the place, face red, and eyes puffy, mouth trying to form too many expressions.
“It’s not just you either... I hurt master Reigen, Shou...even Ri...Ritsu,” he was having trouble forming the whole sentence over jittery breaths, “none of it is excusable. All of it is my- my fault...I destroyed half the city with my carelessness.” teru had never seen mob indulge in such words of self-loathing, it didn’t fit him. Finally, he felt spurred into action. It took a decent amount of effort, but he had just enough strength to lean up and outstretch his arms to pull Kageyama into his space. He flinched when Teruki’s arms touched him, but he didn’t recoil, he let himself be pulled back down as teru rejoined himself with the slightly angled bed.
Kageyama seemed unsure of what to do with his arms which hung limply at his side. He was still shaky, though less so, taking care not to lean too much of his weight on teruki. Eventually, he brought his arms up one by one and delicately returned the embrace.
A few silent minutes passed, save for the pitter-pat of the rain on the long window. Kageyama then finally spoke again, still quiet, though far less sad sounding, “why?”
Teru finally felt he could respond, “why what?” his inflection was gentle and inviting, he knew if he pressed too hard mob would recede right back into his shell. He was going to be patient with this newfound part of Kageyama just like he was with all the other parts of him. He was going to treat them equally like he always had.
“Why aren’t you upset or angry or...” he heard Kageyama struggle to find the words he wanted and felt him bury his face further into his shoulder, he winced a little, but the pain was manageable. He figured that Kageyama had gotten an earful from Reigen and his parents already, there was no place in his heart to do the same. I want to protect you. I want to comfort you. I don’t want to act like another authority figure. I want to be your equal. He tightened his hold on Kageyama a little and bunched up the soft material of his hoodie into his fingers.
“I’m not going to be upset because you are who you are. I’m not going to lecture you either. You came here worried out of your mind, exhausted and beat up yourself, just to make sure I was okay and apologize. I’m more grateful than anything.” he felt Kageyama tense up, and then relax.
“Grateful?” he asked, tone far lighter than before. He pulled away finally to get a look at Teruki’s face, tear streaks dried and slightly crusted on his own. He hadn’t been crying for a while now, just enjoying his friend’s warmth and words.
“Yeah. that’s the most accurate description of how I feel.”
“Oh.” Kageyama moved back to his original position on the chair, this time his hands folded placidly in his lap. He was looking down at them, fidgeting a little when he found it was hard to keep completely still. Both of them were startled when their silence was broken by the sound of the door opening, a nurse with a clipboard in tow walking over to the end of the bed. Both of the boys’ heads followed her as she silently checked the monitor and the iv fluid bag, scribbling things down as she went. After a moment she sighed contentedly and smiled, finally acknowledging her patient and his friend.
“Still here I see,” she said with a hint of mischief in her tone. It was lighthearted, like her smile, and it made teru feel warm.
“Oh. Was it you who gave me this blanket?” asked Kageyama innocently, holding up the thin blue thing that teruki hardly qualified as a blanket of any sort. Still, the gesture was sweet and well-meaning and he could feel another smile tugging at his lips. She nodded curtly and reached for the blanket, Kageyama meeting her halfway with a similarly warm look to her own. She turned back to teruki after bundling it up and sticking it beneath the arm that held the clipboard.
“You came here quite a mess. We had to stitch you up a bit. Also, we took the liberty of giving you a clean shave since you were bleeding from all sorts of places on your head.” teru hadn’t even noticed until now, but a new cold feeling bit at his scalp. Mortified, he brought his hand up to feel his head, which was already lightly dusted with prickly hair. He had completely forgotten about that part of their fight.
He glanced at Kageyama out of the corner of his eye and saw the shade of beet red he had turned. Months ago teruki would have been furious or at least upset, now he just felt a tinge of sadness mixed with embarrassment. It’s fine, it’ll grow back. He thought, reaching out to place a hand on his friend’s shoulder. Kageyama looked back in his direction robotically, face still red hot and utterly mortified. Oh god, that’s right, I was naked too, wasn’t i. He thought, giving a glance to his hospital gown. Kageyama seemed to read his thoughts.
“Don’t worry, master and I clothed you before we came here, I had them ready when I went looking for you.” his timid voice was barely above a whisper, teru knew he wanted it to only reach his ears. “I’m sorry...again...” this time the apology was more humiliated than anything. Once again, teru accepted the apology almost immediately.
“Don’t worry too much about it, Kageyama. What matters is that I'm here and safe,” he swung his gaze back to the nurse, feeling a little bit of the warmth from his embarrassment tint his face. “Can you tell me how long I'm looking at staying here?” he asked her.
“Hmm. You’ll definitely have to stay for at least three days, you had some pretty heavy internal bleeding and four of your ribs on your left side are broken,” she paused for a moment to allow teru to absorb this new information since the hair thing seemed to upset him, but he just stared at her blankly this time as though the injuries themselves didn’t affect him in the slightest. “After we’re sure you’re stable you’re free to leave, but you should be in bed rest for at least another two weeks if not longer.”
He considered this carefully, two weeks didn’t sound like long, but to Teruki, it would probably feel unbearably so. His smile fell and he let his head do the same, staring at his upward-facing palms that sat in his lap. He could tell their two sets of eyes were watching over him with some degree of concern, for the air was beginning to feel heavy.
“You really shouldn’t be too worried, you’re already awake which I wasn't expecting at all. You should be able to leave in three days no problem.” teru raised his eyes slightly so he could see the nurse’s warm gaze. “Besides, doing nothing all day for a few weeks doesn’t sound too bad to me. You can use it as a chance to get into your hobbies,” he appreciated her encouragement, but it didn’t make him feel any better. She turned to leave, but before doing so said, “if you need me I’ll just be a button press away alright. Breakfast soon and pain meds around noon with lunch, unless someone is bringing you food?” she looked at Kageyama expectantly.
“Oh uh, me?” he said, she cocked her head as if to repeat the question, “oh that’s right,” he redirected his gaze in Teruki’s direction, “master Reigen and Serizawa said they would be paying you a visit this afternoon with food.” teruki assumed the nurse had spoken with Reigen the night before about this arrangement and that this was her way of reminding Kageyama, who was too focused on teruki to really remember anything else. She walked back out the door leisurely, closing it with a quiet click.
Kageyama’s master is coming to pay me a visit? Teruki thought, letting his head fall back onto the pillows. He didn’t have to search for a reason why for long, he knew from both Kageyama's frequent goings-on about his master and from meeting and interacting with the man himself that he was a thoughtful soul. He felt the dread from his face ease a bit. Having others in his life who truly cared about him had been a foreign concept up until a few months ago. Now it seemed there were many who cared, Kageyama and his master to only name a few. He took another long, admiring look at Kageyama, who was looking down at his lap where his hands were once again twisted and fidgeting.
“School has stopped for the week all around town,” he said nervously, “so at least you won’t be missing too much.” teru smiled at this, Kageyama being so thoughtful and kind, a hallmark trait of his personality. His happiness was not long-lasting though, because another glimpse of memory flashed by in his head, one of the tattered bouquet Kageyama had been holding onto for dear life. Oh right, the confession, I wonder how that went. He couldn’t hold back the tiredness that thought brought to him. He would always be happy to support whatever feelings Kageyama had for other people outwardly, but there was always a flicker of jealousy in the back of his heart whenever he brought these feelings up.
There was a bit of fear too, one he had first identified as that of missing out, but later reidentified as a fear of losing Kageyama to someone else. He didn’t like to think about it.
“So...what brought about the whole...rampaging through the city, thing, in the first place?” teru decided to go with a general question as to avoid letting on too much about the way he felt. He saw Kageyama's fidgeting come to an abrupt halt. He turned his head away slightly and didn’t answer for a few moments, another distinct hallmark of his personality. Teru could tell he wanted to answer more eloquently than he usually would.
“Tsubomi is moving away. I wanted to confess because I wouldn't have the chance I wanted to have later...” he paused, tilting his head the other way, gaze still downward, “something happened on my way getting there and I lost control...the only one who could calm me down was master Reigen, but it was already after all the damage had been done.” he stopped again and heaved in a large breath, “honestly though... I feel different from before. It’s hard to explain. I feel. Whole again.” he exhaled, balled up fists loosening slightly.
Teruki tilted his head a bit in puzzlement, what does he mean by again? He had not considered that Kageyama ever felt broken in any way. He felt guilt tug at his heart a little. Whole again. Was he really so unobservant to miss the bigger picture of what his friend had been going through? No, it didn’t feel that way...it was more along the lines of, he had never treated any aspect of Kageyama differently from the other parts of him; to teruki, he was whole, his being was laid bare. Kageyama wasn’t hard for him to read or understand at all, and he never had been. But apparently, this was not the case for Kageyama when it came to dealing with his inner self. He gritted his teeth in preparation for his next question.
“And...the confession?” he monitored his own tone closely, glancing out at the grey sky and then back to Kageyama. He didn’t want to hear the answer to this, feeling it would only upset him either way it went. If he said it went well, teruki would be filled with unpleasant feelings of bittersweet, all too supportive of his friend’s happiness but filled at the same time with jealousy. If he said it didn’t go how he was hoping then teru would be brimming with relief, but even that made him feel sick to his stomach; why he would ever be relieved at his friend’s sadness boggled his mind. Was he really that jealous? He didn’t know what reason he had to be jealous...then all of a sudden it slammed into him like a brick wall. Could his self-proclaimed rivalry with Kageyama just be a thinly veiled...crush? He could feel his face getting hot and turned away again, ignoring the thought entirely.
It had been a while since he asked the question and still no answer from Kageyama. He was about to open his mouth to ask again, but Kageyama's voice interceded.
“She turned me down...” he said, but he didn’t seem too torn up about it, as though he had already accepted the fact. As he had predicted, teru felt feelings of relief wash over him, but they didn’t feel as murky as he had expected them to. “She said that she sees me as her friend, and I'm happy about that,” said Kageyama, and his tone was quite genuine, “I'm glad to have gained another friend,” teruki looked back over to Kageyama who was looking up at him now and smiling gently. The smile made him dizzy, he was glad he was laying down or he might have keeled over from its effects.
He decided it would be best to respond with at least a little sympathy, although he was trying hard to come up with much, “I'm sorry it didn’t turn out how you hoped. I’m glad she’s your friend though,” his tone was flat, hopefully, you’ll just stay friends. The thought was fleeting, but he had allowed it to come through; he blinked a few times in surprise.
They sat there in silence for a few minutes, both unsure of how to continue the conversation. Teru decided he could try his best to lighten the mood and turned to playfully gloat a little about what he remembered from their fight.
“You know, I remember saving a bunch of people,” he said. Kageyama gave him a look of pleasant surprise.
“Yeah?”
Teruki made a small sweeping motion with one of his arms, “Yeah, you were about to pull this insane move, so I did the same thing and floated all the civilians away from the spot,” he pulled his hand back and placed it on his chin, raising his head off the bed slightly. “I bet you didn’t notice though because you blasted me away right after and I passed out.” he chuckled and saw Kageyama's smile fall a little, oops, oh no, save it, save the moment, “I guess I wasn't able to surpass you again, rival of mine,” he punctuated the sentence with a soft grin, but to his dismay, Kageyama's face became even more serious. Bad move I guess, he thought, wincing a little.
For once Kageyama was completely unreadable to him, it was rather dispiriting to teruki who had just been thinking about how easily he was able to read him. I should say something else...but what-
“Hanazawa...what do you mean when you call me your rival?” teruki blinked once, twice, and then a third time completely blindsided by the question. This conversation had taken all sorts of turns, but this was not one he had been expecting at all. It was a rather pointed question, teruki knew to expect bluntness from his friend but this was a little more than that.
He had to think of something quick because he could feel the heat rising in his cheeks again. “Well, you’re an example for me to follow, someone I really admire, someone I aspire to be like...” that was the only way he could think to put it with how little time he had given himself to prepare. There was, of course, more to it than that, but not anything he was willing to share at the moment. He saw several emotions pass through Kageyama's eyes, still unreadable, finally he landed on something warm.
“Oh, is that so.” his tone gave away something different, something skeptical, but that too was fleeting.
“Yeah...” teruki didn’t know how he was going to be able to burrow himself out of the grave he had just dug for himself, he’ll ignore it. Please tell me he’ll stop thinking about it. Say something else! Something! Teruki could, however, not force his mouth open a second time. Once again he was saved by the nurse, who came in bearing a tray of food. He found his stomach growling, he didn’t realize how hungry he was. She came over to the side of the bed near the window and raised up the little side table, setting down the tray and giving him one of her pleasant smiles, “you doing alright? Feeling nauseous or dizzy at all?” he wanted so badly to say yes, but he knew the dizzy, nauseous feeling in his body did not stem from any of his injuries.
He laid his head back down on the pillow for a brief moment to gather himself, “I'm quite alright, thank you.” he said, more meekly than he’d hoped to. She nodded and left again without a word, obviously she wanted to give them both privacy. The air in the room had returned to being light however, the conversation turn from the last few minutes seemingly forgotten. Teru took a small forkful of the omurice from the tray and nibbled at it. Kageyama was watching him with a pleasant look, however, it also read in a similarly hungry manner to the way his stomach had growled earlier. Then he heard it, a low rumble that came from Kageyama's own belly. He clutched it and looked away awkwardly, a little bit of pink blooming into his cheeks. Teru couldn’t help but giggle.
“Do you want some of my food? You haven’t eaten since yesterday either and I know I won't be able to finish all this.” he gestured to the tray which was loaded with fruit slices, several boiled eggs, even a bowl of miso soup. He wondered if the nurse had loaded it with extra food on purpose. Kageyama turned back to him and nodded timidly.
“Only if that’s alright with you.”
“Of course it is.” he noticed an extra fork on the side of the tray hidden beneath one of the plates, so she really did bring enough for the both of us. He smiled and fished it out from its hiding place, handing it to kageyama who gaped at it in astonishment. They both ate in silence, eventually, Teru felt a bit of heat on his lower legs and looked out at the sky and saw it was beginning to clear, rays of sunlight poking through the clouds and onto the bed. It made the room slightly less dingy looking. He felt peaceful again, warm inside and now outside as well, sharing a meal with the person in the world he cared most about. It was enough to fill him with enough warmth to make the next two weeks at least bearable.
He found himself drifting off after having eaten his fill, eyes closed head laid back, mind relatively at ease. He wondered if kageyama would still be there when he woke up again, the thought becoming hazy and fading away as he lost consciousness.