Chapter Text
Jake’s done a lot of stupid stuff while being drunk.
More than once did he wake up regretting the decisions his past inebriated self had taken on an impulse – them being swiping right on an ex on Tinder, buying another (unnecessary) massage chair when he’s still very much in crushing debt, or bitching on the record about his boss to a homophobic journalist he used to admire.
For a moment, when he received a letter saying he would indeed be there several months after their breakup, he thought sending an invitation for Bruce Willis to attend his and Sophia’s (non-existent) Die Hand-themed wedding on one of their cheap wine-fueled date nights would be part of that list.
Right now though, as he’s nervously waiting in front of their precinct for Amy to join him on the podium, wearing the best tuxedo he could have rented (he went all out and paid extra for a four-button jacket) and a huge grin on his face, he thinks maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all. His eyes scan the place in search of Bruce Willis, who’s still nowhere to be found, but then a song begins to play as Amy starts walking towards him and suddenly all he can pay attention to is her.
She looks stunning in one of Gina’s white dresses and a bouquet of flowers in hands.
“We are here today to celebrate the wedding of Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago,” the voice of the officer Jake managed to convince to officiate the fake ceremony rises into the air when she takes her place in front of him. He’d asked Holt to do it but for some reason, his captain declined, claiming he wouldn’t take part in such a childish masquerade.
She shoots him a shy smile, making his own beam grow wider and his heart warms up in his chest.
He knows this is not a real ceremony but damn, do their names sound right when they’re put together – so much so that Jake can’t help but wish this was real.
Maybe not the whole ‘getting married’ thing. But them dating.
“Jake, you’ve spent 2000$ on a fake wedding – don’t tell me you don’t have feelings for Amy again.” He remembers Charles’s words from a few nights ago, during the bachelor’s party his best friend insisted on throwing for him despite Jake’s insistence this was not a real wedding and thus he didn’t need it.
“I did it for Bruce!” he denied at the time, although even back then he already knew this was a lie and his colleague was right. He still liked – likes – her. She was standing across the room as she and the other ladies of the Nine-Nine had joined them in the bar by the end of the night, looking beautiful with a playful smile plastered across her face that somehow grew wider when their eyes met and he let out a sigh.
“Okay, I might have been thinking about asking her out for a while, and then ended up asking her to fake-marry me instead,” he admitted as he brought his gaze back on Charles.
His friend only grinned in return.
“I knew it!”
“I believe you prepared your own vows?” Officer Lou’s voice takes Jake out of his reverie. The man’s words instantly make his heart race in his chest and he looks around the place again. His eyes wander around for a beat, setting on all the details of the wonderful venue Amy managed to put together in the small amount of time he left her to take care of everything.
Even as they’re standing here together, he still can’t quite believe she agreed on doing him such a huge favor, to be honest.
“I kind of did something stupid.” He brought his chair next to hers so that he could talk in whispers on the day after he received The Letter, about two weeks prior to this moment.
“What did you do this time?!” He saw her eyes grow bigger and the horror showing on her face.
He let out a sigh before speaking again. This was going to be embarrassing – he knew it. But it was a chance he couldn’t miss, and she was the only person he could think of that could help him.
(She was the only person he wanted to do this with.)
“Well, there was this article we read with Sophia, about a couple who invited a celebrity to their wedding and they showed up with a very expensive gift.” His mouth quirked up slightly in a nostalgic smile as he recalled the events that would lead to the question he was about to ask Amy. Even though he didn’t – and doesn’t – have any feelings for her anymore, Jake had to admit he and Sophia had a lot of fun together when they were in a relationship. “And I don’t know who got the idea – probably me, though – but we were quite drunk and decided to do the same with Bruce Willis, and–…”
Amy cut him before he could go on with his little story. “Wait. You and Sophia were planning to get married?!”
His eyes grew bigger in shock, and he quickly dismissed her assumptions. Of course they didn’t mean it seriously!
“What?! No!”
“So why would you send a wedding invite? I mean, there’s literally 0 chance he would have answered you, but what would’ve you guys done if he did?”
“We were drunk!” Jake tried to defend himself – he could hear the judgment in Amy’s voice and didn’t like it too much. “Obviously we didn’t think things through. I guess we would’ve just thrown a fake wedding or something.” Actually, he didn’t guess – he knew that’s what they would have done, as it was what he was about to ask her to do now that Sophia was out of the picture. “Because here’s the thing: he did reply. And said he’s gonna come.” He felt his heart warm up in his chest with the words, still barely believing his idol agreed on attending his wedding.
(Fake-wedding, actually. But this was just some unimportant detail.)
“He did what?!” Amy gasped.
“He RSVP’d to our invite.”
He handed her the letter – he’d brought it with him, knowing even before he let her in on everything that she wouldn’t believe him otherwise. After all, it took him reading through it three times before actually acknowledging this was all legit.
“But as you know,” he went on as Amy was thoroughly reading through the piece of paper, “Sophia and I broke up a while ago now. I can’t really call and ask her to go through with it and fake-marry me so that we can meet him…”
“If he was really gonna show up in the first place.” She still sounded skeptical but Jake needed more than that to lose his enthusiasm.
“He would’ve! And he will. If I manage to make this wedding happen…” He grinned at her knowingly as he talked.
Amy immediately understood he had something in mind. “What are you gonna do?”
His beam grew wider, more playful – although he was being very serious.
“Well, Amy Santiago… how does becoming Amy Peralta for a night sound to you?”
“What?”
He pondered for a second about getting down on his knees, but finally opted for something simple. “Will you fake-marry me?” he only asked, then.
“Excuse me?!”
“Please?” he pleaded. He could tell Amy wasn’t too enthusiastic about his offer. “I really wanna meet him! It’s not every day you get the chance to meet your idol. I’d do it for you if that boring crossword guy you admire so much said he was gonna come to your wedding!” He pouted like a child.
“His name’s Will Shortz, and he’s not boring.” Amy crossed her arms above her chest. Maybe insulting her wasn’t the best way to convince her to help him, Jake realized.
“If you say so. Anyways I’ll pay for everything,” he tried to coax her with something else. “I’ll even let you keep the gift if he comes with one. I mean, depending on what it is…” He allowed his mind to wander off for a second, thinking about whatever Die Hard merch Bruce Willis could bring to his wedding. He quickly chased the thought away to focus back on the current topic.
“All you’ll have to do is help me plan the whole thing.”
“… And marry you.”
“Fake-marry me! It won’t be an official ceremony, obviously. Think about it as…” Jake paused for a beat to think, then his eyes suddenly lighted up. “A toit night of partying with Bruce Willis! How cool does this sound?!”
He caught how Amy’s lips curved up into a slight smile at that, and it made him smile too. She remained quiet for a while, probably weighing her options.
It felt like an eternity to Jake.
“When is this wedding supposed to happen?” she asked, making his beam grow wider in victory – if only for a moment, as he quickly remembered the date he and Sophia wrote on the invite.
Amy wasn’t going to like it.
“May 15th,” he mumbled the words without looking at her.
“What did you say?”
“May 15th,” he said it more clearly this time.
“May 15th as in, next Spring?”
“No. May 15th as in, in two weeks…”
He prepared for the worst as he glanced back up at his colleague and friend.
“TWO WEEKS?!” There it was.
“This is why I’m asking you!” he tried to defend himself. She truly was the only person he knew would be able to pull off something like this in such a short amount of time.
Jake waited for a few seconds in heavy silence for Amy to say something – anything – as a response. It took her a moment, but she eventually let out a sigh.
“Okay.”
With that, Jake released the breath he didn’t even know he was holding.
As he keeps looking at the people all seated in front of them while thinking about what brought them here and now, Jake doesn’t have another choice but to admit Amy was right to be skeptical back then. Bruce Willis still is nowhere to be seen, among the small crowd of their friends and colleagues. And even though some part of him is disappointed, he’s also somehow relieved.
“Nah, it’s okay. We can skip this part.” He brings his gaze back on Lou as he answers his question. No need to embarrass himself with a speech he hasn’t prepared if the one person who doesn’t know this ceremony is fake isn’t here. It’s well known Jake’s not good with emotions – he would most likely ridicule himself, then, if he tried to come up with a fake declaration of love to the woman he actually does like but she doesn’t know.
It would be too awkward.
Amy shouts him a questioning look when his eyes fall onto her again.
“He’s not here yet,” Jake whispers, nudging in the crowd’s direction to emphasize his words. “We don’t have to pretend we’re in love or something.”
“Oh,” she simply lets out. He swears for a second there she looks a little disappointed but he doesn’t have the time to linger on that thought too long as the officer talks again.
“Well, okay. It’s time for the ring bearer now then, I guess?” Officer Lou seems taken off-guard by this sudden change of plan too.
On cue, Charles immediately stands up, as if he’s been waiting for this from the moment the fake-ceremony started. He hands both Jake and Amy their cheap rings with a huge grin and a thumbs-up before taking back his seat. Jake rolls his eyes as he offers Amy a playful look. She smiles in return.
“Do you, Amy Santiago, take Jake Peralta to be your husband?”
“I do.” She gently puts the ring on his left hand’s finger and for a moment, as he carefully watches her do, Jake forgets all of this isn’t real. His heart starts beating faster in his chest. He can feel his whole body warm up at the touch of Amy’s hand holding his to keep him still as she glides in the little piece of cheap jewellery.
All of it feels like a dream, but not the nightmares he sometimes gets about weddings. For once, as he’s here with Amy in front of their precinct and he’s hit with a new wave of affection for his colleague, it makes him think he might want to have a real wedding someday finally, he who’s usually afraid he’ll never find the love of his life or worse, will end up like his parents in a failed marriage.
At this moment, he doesn’t care about Bruce Willis and whether or not he made it to this fake ceremony.
When he eventually looks up at her, Jake’s pretty sure his eyes are shining as bright as the fairy lights Amy put up above their heads. The smile she’s still wearing on her face is somehow shy, now. It’s full of sincerity, though. There’s also new glow inside her pupils he can’t quite decipher.
All he knows though is that here, standing in front of him in the dark of this beautiful mid-May night and surrounded by so much light, she looks absolutely stunning.
“And do you, Jake Peralta, take Amy Santiago to be your wife?”
“I do. I do.” The words are out naturally when it’s his turn to put the ring on Amy’s finger.
“You’re married. You may now kiss the bride.”
This time, Jake doesn’t look around to make sure Bruce Willis is here before taking a step forward. He doesn’t think about the possibility to skip that moment as well, if the actor’s not there. All his attention is focused on Amy, and only Amy, whose eyes seem glued on him too as she acts as if she’s gonna meet him halfway.
All of this feels very romantic and Jake forgets this kiss isn’t really real.
He’s already closing his eyes with his heart pounding in his chest with the anticipation of discovering what the lips of the woman he’s pined for for so long tastes like when a sudden noise forces them to draw away in surprise and he opens his eyes again. His mouth opens wide as he stares at the person who just came in, his hands falling from Amy’s waist to his sides.
He can’t believe it. Right in front of him is standing his idol.
Bruce Willis made it to his (fake-)wedding.
“Welcome to the party, pal!” The man winks at him knowingly and just like that, the moment between him and Amy is gone.