Archive of Our Own ^beta

Kara watched Kal race along the halls with a gentle smile on her face. His vivacity really was the highlight of her life. Although there was a great deal of things that she was grateful for, and although she was infinitely glad to be back with her family again, the last of her Argo Fever finally subsiding, the one thing she loved most of all was definitely Kal and his endless energy and enthusiasm. He was just so bright and lively. He was so cheerful and endlessly entertaining. He was definitely Kara's favorite thing about being back home and healthy once again.

"C'mon, Kara, catch me!" he pleaded as he ran circles around her.

"I don't play childish games like that anymore!" she pretended to turn up her nose at his offer.

"Awww," he pouted. His bright brown eyes seemed to grow as he pushed out his little lower lip.

"Baby," Kara snickered down at him, but he only continued to look up at her with those wide pleading eyes. She had to mask a smile. The poor fool was walking right into her little trap…

"I just don't feel like playing those little kid games anymore!" she heaved a dramatic sigh as she carefully took a step closer to him.

"But why not? You don't have Council duty today!" he whined, unaware as she took yet another step closer to him. Kara, meanwhile, kept him talking, coming up with all these false excuses about why she couldn't/didn't want to play with him like this anymore.

"I'm a grown woman now!" she insisted. "I don't have time for-" but she cut herself off as she suddenly lunged at Kal. "YOU'RE IT!" she roared with laughter before she went racing away from him, leaving him to stare after her, dumbfounded. It took nearly five whole seconds, but he finally got there eventually and realized-

"Hey! You tricked me!" and then he went sprinting after her while she laughed at him, her taunting echoing the upper hallways.

The two had shared this relationship for as long as Kara could remember. Of course, she remembered looking after him when he was an infant and she remembered feeding him and changing him, but to actually get the chance to run around and play with him was a blessing unmatched and she thanked Rao for it, and him, almost constantly.

"It's funny, though, I can't seem to remember any of the days leading up to this..." she had mused to her mother once.

"It's the fever, dear," she replied tenderly. "Your full memories will restore themselves in time! Just be patient..." and Kara was forced to comply. But it was funny, even though Alura's argument was completely logical, there was still a tiny part of Kara's brain that refused to accept it. No matter what anyone said or did, Kara could never truly feel completely convinced that everything was the way it seemed to be.

The way she remembered it, Krypton had been destroyed when she was about 12 years old, and Kal had still only been an infant at that point. They were both sent to Earth in pods, leaving Krypton to be destroyed while they fled to safety. But while Kal's pod made it to Earth in record time, Kara's was knocked off course by debris from the dying Krypton. It trapped her in a place where time stood still and, for years and years, she remained in that state of suspended animation, until luck finally set her free once again. She finally made it to Earth, but by then, her little baby cousin had since grown into an adult man who did not need a caretaker anymore. Instead, it had been Kara who had needed the caretakers, and Kal had sent her off to live with some old friends of his, the Danvers.

For just over a decade, Kara had been a member of the Danvers family and she had only just recently taken up the title of "Supergirl", following in her cousin's footsteps and becoming a defender of the Earth. That was exactly how she remembered it. Yet as her mother continuously reassured her, this was all nothing more than a frightening and crazy hallucination brought about by a particularly nasty strain of Argo Fever. When she woke up in her bed back on Krypton, she had not been experiencing some intense dream, but rather, she had been waking up from one. With her fever finally subsiding, she had woken up again to her real and true home back on Krypton, which was most certainly not destroyed or on the brink of destruction. All of those years had been little more than a dream, and now Kara was truly awake once again.

"But the gaps in my memory!" she had argued at first, wanting to know why she had come to Krypton looking like a girl in her mid-twenties instead of the young teenager she had left it as. "How long was I out because of this fever?" she demanded, wary at first, but Alura had been quick to calm her back down and come up with a winning argument.

"The fever attacked part of your hippocampus, where the brain stores memory. It was damaged so much that you've forgotten the past 13 years of your real life. That's where your dreams filled the gaps!" Alura said. "But no, my darling, you have always been this age. You've only been out for a couple months. Now granted, that is a very long time! But it is not at all anywhere close to the time span you have experienced..." Alura gave her a pitying smile as Kara continued to try and process this information. "If you wish, I have the brain scans to prove where your hippocampus has been damaged. It is all reversable, don't worry, but it will take time..."

And in the end, Alura proved correct. Although Kara had been very hard to sway at first, adamant that this world was the lie and the Earth she had left behind was the truth, after enough time passed, the tables finally began to turn. With each piece of proof offered to her, including the records Alura had mentioned earlier, Kara began to realize that she was right. The fever had knocked her out for months, but because her brain was being damaged, it rewrote those months as years. But with the fever gone, she was recovering. And sure enough, all those missing memories began to fill up again... But what had really first convinced Kara that this place was indeed real was, ironically enough, Kal-El himself.

"Shouldn't he be... much older?" Kara had asked at first, sounding quite stupid, but all she could do was gawk at the handsome, beautiful young boy who had come running into her room, a playful and elated smile on his thin, boyish little face.

"Older?" Zor-El and Alura had chuckled. Kal, meanwhile, continued to give Kara that adorable and endearing smile that she quickly grew to love above all else on Krypton. He ran at her with undisguised delight.

"You're up! You're back! You're ok!" and Kara's protective instincts quickly kicked in. As he ran over, she opened her arms for him to run into them. Even though she was sure they had never done this before (embraced, that is) it felt so natural. To be holding his scrawny little frame felt so right and natural that it felt as if she had been doing it her entire life...

"And you have!" Zor-El promised, smiling down at his daughter and nephew.

"You just don't remember it yet," Alura agreed, nodding and smiling as well. Kara still hadn't looked too sure, but when Kal looked up at her with those wide, loving and admiring eyes, her heart and mind had turned to mush.

Kal was the first thing that she started believing in, the first thing that had really convinced her that this place was real, so it was only fitting that he would soon become the most important part of her life. Even more than her parents, or Aunt Astra, or the High Council, or any of her other friends and family, it was Kal. Kal was the one Kara loved the most. He had been the one to first really make Krypton feel like home again, so of course he would be the one Kara felt most protective of.

"Remember how to open it, Kara?" he had asked her once, handing her a little gold ball covered in Kryptonian symbols. She hadn't responded verbally, but the teary laugh she gave as she took the toy from him spoke loudly enough. She twisted the ball a few times over, tapping on certain symbols in order to complete the password, and then a small part of the ball opened up to reveal a projector.

"It's Krypton!" Kal breathed in awe and glee as he pointed up to the projection the ball was creating. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Yes," Kara breathed back, tears stinging her eyes as she studied the 3-D constellations in reverence. "It is beautiful..." and even though a part of Kara had no memory of ever opening that toy, she still had remembered how to do it as if she had been doing it all her life.

"And you have," once again, her parents came in to encourage her continued growth. "Your memories are returning just like they should, and soon, no more gaps will remain and you will have the complete story!" they both looked pleased, and so did little Kal. Once again, a shadow of doubt ran through Kara's mind, but as she continued to look upon Kal's hopeful face, she realized that they were right. They were all right. Although she felt terrible that she had forgotten so much of her life with them, she was more determined than ever to find her lost memories once again.

"I want the story to be completed faster!" she once admitted to her family. "I want to remember you, and all of our adventures together, now!" and while they were all touched by Kara's determination, they cautioned her.

"We are flattered that you are so keen upon remembering us, but please take it slow," they advised. "Memories don't come that quickly, you know. Brain injuries can take quite a while to heal!"

"But I feel so bad that I've forgotten so much!" Kara replied passionately, eyes pained.

"You will get it all back, don't worry, just be patient," came the reply and Kara was forced to be content, but once Kal came running in with another game to play, all of her worries vanished at once.

"Come on, Kara! Let's go play!" he pleaded and a smile split across her face as she hopped up from the table.

"You're on!" she cried, accepting his challenge, and then she went running after him without another look back. If she had turned around, she would've seen Zor-El, Alura and Astra all watching her run after Kal with delighted smiles on their faces. She also would've seen their eyes turn totally black, but that illusion was gone quicker than it had come...

Now here Kara was, racing through her house again, Kal in hot pursuit.

"No fair! You tricked me! You cheater!" he cried as he ran after her, moving quite fast for such a little boy.

"It's totally fair! There's no rule against it!" Kara shouted over her shoulder, laughing as she felt the wind rush through her long, golden hair. "You just need to be smarter next time! And don't forget, all's fair in love and war!"

"And I'm guessing this is war?!" Kal shouted up at her as she continued to evade him.

"I guess it is!" Kara laughed right back, then she continued to sprint onward, away from Kal, who was still in very hot pursuit.

A few hours later, their game had finally ceased.

"Just in time for dinner!" Zor-El teased as they, tired and sweaty, collapsed into their seats at the table.

"Wait, who's the extra chair for?" Kal asked, wiping his sweaty hair from his head as he noticed an extra chair beside Kara's.

"Oh, it's for Del-Or!" Alura gave both Kal and Kara a wicked grin.

"Del-Or?!" they shouted back, but while Kal looked amused, Kara looked mortified.

"Don't worry, Kara, you still have 15 minutes before he'll show up. You have time to go get gussied up!" Zor-El teased, but Kara could only sit there, still mortified. Del-Or was a "friend" from the High Council, and to hear that he was coming over for dinner made her terrified and elated all at once. She couldn't even move until she felt Kal flick her arm.

"I know you like making kissy faces and heart eyes at him, but come on! Stop being such a doofus and at least try to look pretty for him! You smell like a wet dog!" he teased, trying to pinch and elbow Kara back into action. It finally worked, but she was so flustered and nervous that she hardly even seemed aware of Kal's jibes at her expense. Her parents, however, were quick to reign him in.

"Kal," Astra gave him a warning look, but when he saw the amusement in her eyes, he only pretended to humble himself in apology. She was the Cool Aunt, and she and Alura had gotten into more than their fair share of sibling fights. For Kara and Kal to fight felt like looking at a blast from the past, although Alura and Astra's age gap was smaller than Kal and Kara's. But while Kal pretended to apologize, Kara sprinted back to her room, hastily calling out for her caretaker robots to prep a shower and fancy dress for her. They obeyed and she, in record time, had managed to totally clean and detoxify her body before pulling on a fancy tunic and heading back downstairs right in time to see the handsome young Del-Or stepping into the house. Kara felt her heart stop and her stomach turned over, but she managed to keep a calm smile on her face. She tried to ignore the little smirks Kal was giving her as she greeted her "friend from work".

"Del-Or,"

"Zor-El,"

"Oh, quit being so formal!" Alura interrupted with a merry smile as she waved Del-Or over impatiently. "We're all friends here!"

"I think they're more than just friends, Aunt Alura," Kal replied with a snort. This earned him a smack from Kara, an amused laugh from Zor-El and a wink from Del-Or himself. Kara felt as if a thousand red suns had decided to inhabit her face, and she cursed every single one of them.

"Oh! Come on, already, I'm hungry!" Astra interrupted with a wink, trying to take some of the stress away from Kara by reminding everyone that a real feast had been cooked up for that particular evening. It worked like a charm and, soon, the natural ebb and flow had returned to the table as everyone happily broke bread with one another. As nervous as Kara had been at first, there was a reason she liked Del-Or so much, and that was because he was just so funny, charming and relaxed. He was very intelligent, handsome and intimidating on the outside, but there was a good, wise and enjoyable soul underneath that firm exterior and that was what Kara found herself so deeply attracted to. He made it easy to be herself. Kal made sure to remind them both of this by making barfing faces every time they stared at one another too long.

But the dinner passed easily and by the end of the night, Kara wanted to do it all over again.

"And we can! Tomorrow night, if you like," Del-Or offered as they said farewell on the front steps of Kara's marvelous home.

"Really?" Kara was genuinely surprised, but she wasn't going to turn down such a wonderful offer!

"Of course!" Del-Or replied. "I can always make time for you," then he snuck a quick kiss to Kara's cheek before fleeing, leaving the girl to turn as red and hot as Rao once again. She was infinitely grateful that Kal had not been around to see it. He would've never let her live it down...

But even though Kal hadn't seen that sweet little goodnight kiss, he had seen all the mushy-gushy looks Kara and Del-Or had been trading the entire night and that was more than enough for him. But for once, he didn't seem... happy.

"If you guys get married, will you move out?" Kal asked, but for once, there was no teasing in his voice, just a saddened sort of curiosity. But his question caught Kara so off guard that, for a moment, she couldn't even process what he had asked.

"What?" she echoed dumbly, but when Kal turned a saddened face towards hers, it all became crystal clear. He was worried about losing her again. He was worried that Del-Or would, in some ways, steal Kara away once again. Even though Kara had been back with the family for almost a month now, nearly 100% healthy once again, Kal was already worried that something would force them to part once again. Kara felt her heart turn unreasonably warm at her little cousin's protective envy, but she was quick to reassure him otherwise.

"No matter what happens, I'll always be your big 'sister', and I will always be here for you, I promise..." she told him, touching his shoulder and looking deeply into his eyes. For once, there was no lighthearted humor in their words. Instead, it was just sincerity and seriousness, the most loving and passionate display that two siblings could've ever afforded one another. Even if the two of them weren't technically siblings, they might as well have been. After all, Kara had practically raised Kal, and he was always at her house even though he had his own mansion not too far away (with Jor-El and Lara-El). The two of them were closer than siblings and Kara wanted Kal to know for certain that this would never change, no matter what. She had been with him from the beginning, she would be with him until the very end, and beyond.

"If you ever need me, just call, and I will always come," she continued to promise, pulling him in for a hug. "I promise I will never truly leave you. Not like when I came down with the fever. Not like that. Not ever again. Even if Del-Or and I do actually get married, it won't be like I will leave you forever. Instead, I'm always gonna be here for you, all you need to do is ask, and I will be right there by your side again, always..."

As she continued to whisper promises of eternal loyalty and friendship to him, she reveled in the feeling of his lanky but strong arms wrapped around her back as he clung to her like a lifeline. In hindsight, one of the most painful things of all for Kara during her time with the Argo Fever had not been the illness itself, but the separation from her family.

Even though she could no longer remember Earth, or the Danvers, or anything else of that nature, she remembered the loneliness and isolation. Feelings often lasted far longer than small details, as Kara was finding out now. And she remembered how sad she had been while she was sick. She wasn't just hurt or scared, it was also a deep and hollow grief. She had not been with Kal at all during her sickness, unable to be with him and watch him grow up. That fever had even stolen her memories of him, so in all the times she was able to be at his side, she forgot it all.

Alongside losing her parents and aunt, that failure to be with Kal as he grew up had hurt Kara worst of all. The physical side effects of the fever were nothing compared to losing her family and memories, and she wanted to make sure that Kal knew that so he understood that Kara meant it 1000% (not just 100%) when she promised to always be there for him. She knew what it felt like to be without him, so how could she ever inflict the same pain by forcing him to be without her? She would never allow herself to be parted from any of them ever again, whether by fever or anything else. She was here to stay, and she wanted to make sure everyone knew that for certain.

And finally, it seemed to click for Kal and after a few tears were shed (though neither of them would ever, ever admit to it), they were finally able to let go of one another and still feel confident, safe and loved. There was a new peace and understanding between them and nothing but confidence remained, even though they were physically separated once more.

"I love you, Kal," Kara finally dared to tell her wild and teasing younger cousin. She almost never said this to him out loud because he always pretended that it was mushy and gross when she got too overtly affectionate, but now she was throwing all caution to the wind in order to tell him the honest-to-Rao truth about how deeply she cared for him.

"I love you too, Kara," he replied sincerely, brown eyes glowing in the moonlight. For once, he set his boyish pride aside in order to tell Kara likewise, finally also admitting how much he respected, admired and revered her. For once, he didn't look at all ashamed to be just as affectionate, and he did not shy away when Kara gently ruffled and kissed his hair. Instead, he basked in it and smiled, and Kara knew she would never forget that image of little Kal, smiling up at her with such trust and love. It was the best feeling in the world!

But in time, their little heart-to-heart came to a close and they both went to bed.

"Goodnight, Kal," Kara murmured as she headed back to her bedroom.

"Goodnight, Kara," he echoed, heading to his. Even though this wasn't his house, since he spent so much time there, he had a bedroom in it as well. Kara watched him head away and she flashed him one last smile before both of them officially parted ways for the night, each of them closing their respective doors behind them. But the moment Kara's shut, she felt something... strange. It was a squeezing sensation in her chest, and for a moment, she found it hard to breathe. She wasn't sure if it was something in the air, or lingering emotions from the intense moment she and Kal had just shared, or even if it was some "residue" from the Argo Fever, but what she did know was that it was a little uncomfortable.

It was like something heavy sitting on her chest, and holding her tightly. But after a few moments, the feeling subsided and Kara felt air being forced into her lungs again. It was a strange thing, and she did make a note to tell her parents about it in the morning, but she figured that tonight was not the night to bring it up. They were all just going to bed, the last thing she needed was to scare the household back into the waking world. Everyone needed their rest, and if that attack was the only one that happened that night, Kara had no reason to be too alarmed.

"I'm sure I'll be fine," she told herself as she snuggled up under her bedsheets, already feeling a deep wave of peace and sleepiness wash over her like a gentle ocean's tide. But the real reason Kara didn't wish to tell anyone about that strange feeling in her chest was because something even more interesting had happened in her head. Just for a moment, she felt the strongest and strangest sense of almost deja-vu. She couldn't explain it, but as her chest had tightened around her ribs, she had been inexplicably reminded of something else. It was a name and face, but she couldn't make out what either was. Instead, she could only recall a feeling. A good feeling. A warm feeling. Something familiar, even though she didn't recognize it. And it all had to do with Kal. Another person, a misty figure. Another friend whom she loved, whom reminded her of Kal (or did Kal remind her of it?).

In those moments where Kara had found it difficult to breathe, a shred of clarity was offered to her mind and she was brought back to a different time and place. A different person, she was sure of it, but a very similar context. Talking with Kal about their eternal bond had triggered something deep within her, and the memory had manifested in the form of that strange attack. Something old was being brought back up to the surface, but like an item dug out of earth or water, it was so dirty and unclear that it was unrecognizable. It felt familiar, but Kara couldn't quite put her finger on it. But talking to Kal had been what triggered that old, warm, happy feeling. What was it? Or who was it? Who had reminded her of Kal? Or who had Kal reminded her of? But before she could figure it out, she had fallen asleep, and by morning, she had forgotten all about it.

But if she had been able to name it and place it, the answer would've been this: Alexandra Danvers. Her human foster sister, her Earth sister, the one who was currently sobbing over her body, begging her to wake up. That was the one Kara had seen in one tiny flicker of clarity. In one moment of pain mixed with memory, with Kal swirling around in her mind, that was who she had been thinking of Alexandra Danvers, her big sister. In her conversation with Kal, she had seen a conversation with Alex. With Kal, Kara had seen Alex. With the person she loved most on Krypton, Kara had seen the person she loved most on Earth. Kal had reminded her of Alex (or was it the other way around?) and even though she was trapped in a dream-turned-reality, her reality-turned-dream continued to knock at her metaphorical door, begging her to wake up and come back. What beautiful and painful irony it was, that the two people Kara loved most were in direct opposition to each other, and yet each of them were also working together to remind her of the truth, even if none of them were aware of it. But it was true!

Part of the reason Kara had found herself so drawn to Kal, to this version of him, was not just because he was her beloved cousin, but because she was being reminded of Alex. Part of the reason Kara had found herself so drawn to Kal was because of Alex. Part of the reason Kara had found herself so drawn to her cousin was because of her sister. Part of the reason Kara had found herself so drawn to this illusion of the past and potential future was because of the beautiful reality of her true present. Part of the reason Kara had found herself so drawn to this illusion was because of the truth it was representing and attempting to copy.

This shadow reality, this "perfect" double, was taking bits and pieces of her true reality to make it a more-convincing paradise, and in that, parallels were forming and things were crawling up through the cracks of this façade. Although this world was perfect, it was not sustainable alone. This Black Mercy vision was being fed and fueled by Kara herself. It was picking up pieces of her story and keeping the good bits while dismissing all the bad. It was trying to shape a reality she could not resist. It was fueling a paradise too perfect to be real. So because of that, it was a lie, but in order to work, it needed bits of her truth. It needed bits of Kara's true story in order to weave a fantastic tale where everything was good and happy all the time. The lies could not stand alone, they needed something to feed off of. In order to maintain perfection, they needed a power source.

That was where Alex was slipping in. Through the cracks in the Black Mercy's carefully-built fortress, there was Alex, bits and pieces of the truth, mixed in with the lies. Through Kal, there was Alex. Through one person that Kara adored, there was another. Through the beautiful lie that she had fallen for, there was the even more beautiful truth. Through cousin, there was sister. Through illusion, there was reality. Through lies, the truth. And it was waiting just outside her door, begging for her to wake up and come back, begging for her not to leave them all alone. Come back, don't leave me!

"Don't worry," Kara mumbled through her sleep. "No matter what happens, I'll always be your big 'sister', and I will always be here for you, I promise..." though whether she was talking to Kal or Alex, the sister whom she was no longer consciously aware that she had, was unknown even to her...