Chapter Text
It feels like everything is in slow motion. The people walking around the markets happily, talking about insignificant things and it makes Ben burn with hatred.
It has been 3 weeks when he and everyone else, was told about Callum dying on the field. Ever since then Ben has been self destructing, drinking harmful amount of alcohol to take away the pain. He can’t function without Callum at all.
Clique to say - but his world has stopped.
Ben cried soon afterwards when he heard the news in the Vic, he completely broke down into heart wrenching sobs in his bedroom. Then as the days turned to weeks he was just numb, felt like history repeating itself again.
Another love now gone - he kept thinking is he cursed?
Ben takes a sharp corner not caring he nearly knocked into something, too busy drinking from his whisky bottle. But something catches his eye - movement from Callum’s ( Whitney’s too but she moved out - it was too painful for her to live there ) flat. Ben frowns harshly, stumbles a bit before storming over there in rage. They cannot start taking away Callum’s things because they are his belongings.
It makes it so final now.
Ben bangs the door repeatedly, whiskey bottle left abandoned on the wall of the gate. Then the door opens and he nearly has a bloody heart attack.
The pain in his chest feels like he is having one.
“ Ben? You alright mate? “
Ben feels like he is about to be sick. “ C-Callum? “
Callum chokes out a laugh, his face crunching up into an adorable smile it lights up his whole face.
“ yeh the last time I checked. “
Ben stumbles back slightly, his heart about to fly out of his chest. He feels the blood drain away from his face and has never felt this petrified in his life.
“ No no no your - your dead. “ Ben lets out slowly and low, shaking his head in the same speed.
Callum frowns at him like he is stupid. Completely confused by this bizarre moment.
“ No I ain’t, look, “ he reaches out and cups ben’s scruffy jaw and starts to stroke ben’s cheek with his thumb. Ben just melts into the touch, letting himself fall. “ See? You feel that? I’m alive. I ain’t gonna apologising for being alive Ben. “
Ben opens his eyes again, the tears sitting on the edge of his bottom eyelid about to fall.
“ but - Whitney came in the Vic and said you died. “ his bottom lip wobbled. Callum still looks confused, instead of responding he takes Ben under his arm and guides them both to the couch. Callum sits down with a wince from his injuries but his main focus his Ben.
Like always.
“ There’s been a mix up. People were involved in an explosion- me included- a youngish bloke died. I was sent to hospital straight after, only been sent home yesterday. “ Callum explained calmly, his hand squeezing ben’s hand a little tighter.
“ But they shouldn’t have got mixed up. “ Ben’s voice cracked. Callum has never seen Ben look so vulnerable, only that one time in Paul’s old room. But this? He is more distraught.
“ They’re bound to make mistakes if the bloke who died had similar features to me. “
“ I missed you so much Cal. “ Ben let out a sob, lunching himself into Callum’s embrace. Callum put his chin on top of ben’s head where he lay on Callum’s chest.
“ I missed you too. “ those 3 months away from Ben were painful, he barley thought of Whitney. “ But I’m here now aren’t I? “
Ben snuggled his face further into Callum’s chest wrapping his arm around Callum’s waist tighter. Not noticing how Callum winced and silently gasped in agony.
“ I couldn’t function without you. It felt like I died. “ Ben admitted, his voice unrecognisable. “ It felt like Paul all over again. “ he nearly whimpered.
“ I didn’t die tho-“
“ I thought you did though! I was beyond heartbroken, it felt like Paul all over again and I couldn’t breathe! “ Ben shouted in frustration, he pulled away from Callum’s hold. He isn’t angry at Callum but frustrated he ain’t getting the point.
“ sorry. “ Callum mumbled. Ben shook his head, shifted closer to the other man taking his hand again. Ben slid his hand around Callum’s neck and he kissed him before pulling away calmly.
“ don’t apologise okay? “ he murmured. “ What happened then? “ he asked after the silence of content.
Callum sat back with his eyes downcast. “ There was an explosion near where we were, some of the people got the blunt of it. I was close, I flew back. Don’t remember the rest. “
“ but you’re okay? “ Ben could hear the fear and hope combined together in his voice.
“ Just a broken leg, arm - cuts, bruises - had internal bleeding. But apart from that I’m alright. “ Callum listed off, emotionless.
Ben sensed something that Callum was holding back. “ what you holding back from me? “
“ it doesn’t matter. “ Callum starts to internally curl himself away.
“ no come on tell me. “ Ben pushes.
“ I feel selfish I survived. “ Callum confessed, he knew he’d angered Ben by his facial expression. “ this young lad died and I get to carry on with my life? It ain’t fair. “
“ Your young too, I know it terrible but I’m not gonna say I wished you were the one to die.” Ben said, knowing he probably does sound a bit insensitive.
Calum sighed heavily, grunting in pain when he lifted his broken leg on top of the coffee table.
“ people really think I’m dead? “ It seems weird to think about it.
“ Yeh, Mick and Linda did a moments silence for you and we all had a glass to drink. Whitney has been organising your funeral, but becos of no body it was hard to do. “
“ I don’t know what to say. “ Callum commented gobsmacked. “ How is she? “
Ben shifted. “ coping. Everyone has been supporting her, mainly mick and Linda, they saw you as their son. “
“ Ben, I’m not actually dead stop using past tense. “
Ben huffed out a chuckle.
“ sorry, still need to get used to it. “
“ charmin’. “ Calum smiled, not showing his teeth. “ What about you? “
Ben frowned. “ what about me? “
“ Well hasn’t anyone been supporting you? “
“ Why would they? They don’t know we’ve been having an affair do they? “
Callum looked upset. “ So all this time you’ve practically been alone? “
“ I was fine. “ lies.
“ I know you’re lying, you look a mess. “
“ Cheers, knock a man down when he is down. “
“ but you do, it looks like you barely have been looking after yourself. “
Ben shrugged, looking down avoiding Callum’s gaze. “ Didn’t want to knowing you were dead.” He mumbled.
Callum sighed softly, feeling his heart contract with sadness.
“ Don’t mean you stop looking after yourself. “
Ben frowns a tiny bit, feeling more sober now. You wouldn’t think he was drunk at all. “ I loved you, you were-are- all I think about. Every day, every morning and night I thought about you. You were everywhere, in my head and heart, when I heard you died. It felt like you slipped away, I couldn’t function becos you were just gone - I couldn’t say goodbye, couldn’t say I love you again becos you were gone. “
“ That’s why you been drinking loads then? “
Ben frowned more, taken back. “ how do you -?”
“ because I know you. “ Callum said ever so softly.
“ I love you Callum. “
“ I love you too. “ Callum repeated, the love showing in his eyes brightly. “ Ben Mitchell. “ he grinned, more of a watery one than anything.
Ben let out a wet laugh, feeling the tears roll down his cheeks.
Callum wiped them away, it feels like it’s just them in the entire universe.
“ Do you want to go to bed? “
Ben nodded his head, letting Callum take them both to his room. Ben helped Callum with leg and they lay comfortably on the bed. Ben’s head on Callum’s chest, all his half naked body against Callum’s side.
“ I’m going to tell her tomorrow. “ Callum said out of the blue. He tightened his hold on Ben, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
Ben looked up surprised but Callum saw the excitement in his eyes. “ Cal-“
“ I need to don’t I? I don’t want to lie to her anymore, to myself, I want you for all myself, I want to call you my boyfriend. You to be mine. “
Ben looked like he could cry.
“ I love you so much. “ he murmured. “ I don’t want to force you though -“
“ you ain’t forcing me, i was thinking about telling her when I was back out there but then everything happened. You haven’t forced me, you helped me to be me. “
“ softie. “ Ben murmured, needing to joke.
“ I’m being serious. “
Ben looked back up at him, smiling so softly it made Callum fall more in love with him. “ I know, I’ll be there with you every step of the way, okay? I’m never leaving you, you ain’t ever leaving me either. “ ben threatened, without any burning anger behind his words.
“ I’ll hold you to that. “ Callum murmured, nearly falling asleep. They lay in silence for awhile both content but after a few minutes Ben looked up and smiled foundfully at Callum sleeping peacefully. Ben snuggled against Callum needing the comfort of the man he loves, he feels alive again.
This feels like home again.