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The pain burns deep inside his lungs, stings inside his heart, pierces through muscle and bone.
Breathe in
Breathe out
Breathe in
Breathe out
His eyes fly open, blinking furiously, the world around him consisting of washed out colors, the strain of focusing redundant in the absence of materials.
He moves through the murky haze, yellow turning to orange, to red, to green, to blue, to purple, to grey.
The air doesn’t feel like air, no sound, no wind, no life around him, and he doesn’t see what ground he walks on, his body filled with a strange weightlessness, yet his insides are leaden, burdened with silent screams, unspoken pleas, and withheld needs, as he nears the precipice of guilt, of feeling unwanted, and unloved. Never good enough.
He wonders if this is his innermost part, the soul he regrets sharing if this is the wretchedness he gave, though he expected only darkness.
He walks on as fatigue dulls his senses, eyelids growing heavy, the cloudiness around him even more indistinct.
A sudden shiver on his neck forces his eyes open. A thud on his left side, above his pelvis. Like a barely existing heartbeat. But he can feel it. Strange, but familiar. Something else is trying to push through.
He stops abruptly, willing his sore eyes to focus on the small circular light somewhere in front of him, growing taller, casting new shine to its surrounding bleakness.
Surprise floods him as a body emerges from the light. Tall, dark, hazel eyes looking at him with kindness, the thudding of another’s heartbeat strengthening.
Alec.
He stares, stunned. Even here he won’t leave him?
But there’s another form behind his Parabatai. Shorter, long, black hair, a glowing piece of silver snaked around her wrist.
And another, a boy with glasses, and a smirk on his face, and two more figures; a man and a woman, meeting him with warm eyes, and comforting smiles.
He reaches for them, the urgency to be taken away from here crippling, and his legs start moving, but panic flares inside him as he seems to be unable to get closer. A scream vibrates inside his mind. They’re gone.
“Ahhh!”
He sits up in bed, covered in sweat, eyes wild, barely recovering when someone knocks on his door, and peers inside.
“Hey, Jace, you’re late for training.”
Izzy walks in, frowning as she sees him, behind her, Alec in workout clothes.
“Are you alright?” Deep concern in his eyes, a quiet understanding.
Jace takes a long breath, shakes off the cobwebs in his head, and wipes his eyes.
He nods. “I am now.”
He shifts to sit on the edge of his bed, for a moment startled and still as they settle beside him, Izzy’s arms wrapping around his middle, her head on his shoulder, Alec’s arm sliding around his shoulders, embracing them both.
He closes his eyes, breathing getting easier, and allows himself to fall, knowing they will catch him. They will catch each other. Always.