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Crowley has been acting strange for a few weeks now. Not only has he been spending almost the whole time in his snake form, but he seems to be ultimately trying to avoid Aziraphale as much as he can. He no longer asks him out on dates to fancy restaurants. He won’t even walk to the park with him. The only place where they meet is at Crowley’s flat, since he refuses to present as a human.
Aziraphale wouldn’t judge him, of course. He might not be floating around the bookshop as a ball of energy with a million eyes, but he can understand why his partner would want to rest from his most socially acceptable shape from time to time. The thing is… it’s been a rather long time and Crowley doesn’t look that comfortable at all. In fact, he barely speaks, just wrapping himself around Aziraphale’s neck for hours —until Aziraphale has to tell him his shoulders are starting to go numb— and talking as little as possible.
Crowley is not okay and he knows it. Now he just needs to find out what’s wrong.
“Alright, dear,” he says one afternoon at Crowley’s flat, caring but firm, “it’s quite obvious that something’s not working here and I want to know what it is.”
“What are you talking about?” Crowley raises his head, looking confused.
“Listen, I’m always respectful of the way you choose to… manifest yourself, but I think you have been in this shape for a rather long time and I… I’m worried. I don’t know if you’re just not feeling like living in the Earth with me anymore, if I did something wrong that made you not want to be with me… as we have been for a while anymore, I don’t know if your human form is hurt, but… Please, I need you to tell me.”
Crowley sighs.
“My human form is alright, angel, don’t worry. It’s just… it’s perfectly wearable but… But I haven’t been wearing it as I used to and… I’m not sure you want me to wear it while I’m around you.”
Aziraphale looks heartbroken.
“But… but, dear, how could you think that? I’m… I’m in love with you, no matter what your appearance is. I wouldn’t have been dating a literal serpent for a month if I didn’t feel like that.”
Crowley is still reluctant.
“Crowley, please, it doesn’t matter if you wish to stay this way forever, but if there’s something else you want to be, you shouldn’t be holding yourself back, not even around me… Especially around me.”
That seems to convince him. He asks Aziraphale to close his eyes —makes him promise he won’t peek—, and, once he opens them, Crowley in facts look different. A weird crossover between his —her?— usual self and a modern Rita Hayworth. Quite pretty, actually. Aziraphale can’t wrap his mind around why Crowley wouldn’t want him to see this shape.
“Fuck, I knew it,” Crowley groans, after noticing the way his partner’s mouth hangs open, incapable of articulate one single word. “Don’t worry, angel, you won’t have to see me like this again…”
Aziraphale holds Crowley’s raising hand before the snap of the fingers.
“No, no, no, don’t change it,” he begs. “I… I love it. You are… simply stunning.”
Crowley is shocked. How could Aziraphale love it? He never showed any interest in women before. He just didn’t like them. Maybe he was pretending so he wouldn’t hurt Crowley’s feelings.
“But… but, dear, why wouldn’t you tell me you felt like this? Why spending all these weeks apart when all you wanted was to be…”
“I thought you would hate it.”
“Hate it? Hate you? Darling, that doesn’t make any sense. What about Nanny Ashtoreth? I never acted like I hated her, did I?”
“No, but… She wasn’t real. You were pretending to be someone else, too. And… and you weren’t forced to sleep with her… with me.”
“Forced to sleep with you,” Aziraphale repeats like he can’t believe it, “Crowley, please, hear yourself!” Then he seems to notice something. “Or would you prefer me to call you something else? Do you want to go back to Ashtoreth? Or Antonia, perhaps. Oh, Antoinette has such a nice ring to it! Just like music, don’t you think so? Just tell me how I should call you from now on and I will.”
“Crowley is fine. Sort of a habit. Fairly neutral, too.”
“Crowley it is,” Aziraphale nods, smiling. “And what about pronouns? Humans here have some interesting ones. Xe, I think, is quite…”
“I’d like ‘she’, if you don’t mind,” she replies, voice softer than usual.
Aziraphale nods again, taking her hands.
“Oh, of course, I’ll get used to it. My girlfriend here, my wife here, she’s one of the most beautiful ladies I’ve ever seen. She’s such a sweetheart, I can’t imagine my life without her… See? I’m already applying it! I can definitely use feminine pronouns while talking about you. Oh, to think I expected human pronouns to be so complicated! It’s quite easy, isn’t it?”
Crowley can’t answer. She’s blushing so hard, she thinks she will combust spontaneously if Aziraphale doesn’t stop.
“You don’t have to act so excited, you know, angel? I know you’re not particularly fond of women.”
“Oh, I can’t say I understand how some parts of their anatomy work, but I don’t hate them. And I’m quite fond of you, dear girl.”
Crowley dies a little inside because of the petname, but she doesn’t show it.
“Good news for you, I’m not planning to stay like this forever. Just wanna try this out for a while. I’ll probably go back to my old self in a few weeks. Days, even.”
Aziraphale puts his arms around her waist and kisses her cheek.
“Well, as long as this new self is here, just call me the…” He tries to remember the word, and then exclaims: “Straightest man on Earth!”
Crowley rolls her eyes.
“Fuck, you’re so…”
But she can’t finish the sentence before he pulls her closer to his chest. And they stay like that, just loving and accepting each other, just the way they are.