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Chan had been staring at him for a good few minutes now. Opening and closing his mouth from time to time, as if unsure how to approach whatever he wanted to get out. Minho was reminded of a fish in a way. Still the guy hadn't said anything and Minho had grown tired of watching his antics in his peripheral so he finally spoke up himself.
"Have something to say, leader-nim? If so, spit it out already or go bother someone else by staring holes into their head and acting like a fish out of water."
He kept his focus on his phone while speaking, browsing through his social media. He wouldn't let Chan's weirdness distract him from finding the right kind of filters to use for his next set of selcas. Though he doubted there would be any better than the thumbs up one. That one had been a true treasure.
Chan startled next to him and coughed to mask his embarrassment. He moved into a more relaxed position and cast his eyes downwards at his lap.
"Minho.. you're.. gay."
Minho was contemplating a filter that multiplied your eyes and scattered them across your face, making you look like a mix of an alien and a horror movie monster when Chan answered. He glanced up at the other for a second, confused. His attention back on his phone Minho choose to speak with the most dry tone he could muster. "Uh, yeah. We established that like a year ago. Thanks for paying attention, hyung."
"It's just that-"
Chan moved again. He shifted some more until he ended up facing Minho. The older looked up, glaring at the ceiling and grumbling in annoyance though Minho didn't understand the English words.
Chan let his arm drop onto the backrest of the sofa behind Minho with a heavy thump, hand curled into a fist. His face was weirdly twisted.
"I've been thinking-"
"Good for you. I hear not everyone has the ability to do so."
"Shut up. Lemme talk," Chan brushed through his hair in obvious agitation. Frown still deep on his face. "I've been thinking..."
Listening with half an ear Minho had started editing a few of his selfies, using the newly discovered filter.
Stays often comment on liking my eyes.. wonder if they'll still like them after I post these. They might get nightmares from them heh.
Now for the caption. What could I go with-
" ..about my sexuality."
Minho blinked.
His twenty-eyed self stared back at him with all its unmoving eyes, on the lower screen the text marker for the supposed caption flickered. When he lifted his head, eyebrows raised, he was met with wide doe eyes and tightly pressed together lips.
"Go on," Minho said calmly and put his phone to the side, holding eye contact. Chan had his undivided attention now.
After a moment more of silently staring at each other, Chan went pink in the face and dropped his head again. Minho was about to reach out and reassure him that everything was fine when he started talking.
"I.. I think I might be bi?" His voice became slightly pitched at the last word. Carefully, he peaked at Minho through his unkempt fringe. "It's just that.. Well, I've just been noticing.. that I might have been... staring at some guys a lot recently- no, not just recently.. think I've been doing that for some time and only realized now.."
Chan began to ramble, his eyes darting around and face growing redder. His hand was nervously rubbing his thigh. For a moment Minho let himself enjoy Chan's befuddlement with fond eyes, there weren't too many times you found Chan out of his wits like this.
Though what Chan was saying had Minho's heart pick up in beat too. A flame of hopefulness flaring up, one he had extinguished long ago. Or at least had tried to. Giving up when the last glowing embers simply wouldn't relent.
Pushing those thoughts aside Minho leaned towards Chan and slapped his hands onto the elder's cheeks, cradling his head. He didn't hit him with enough force to hurt him, only giving him a startle. Probably also making them sting a bit but Minho wasn't too worried about that. Chan's mouth snapped shut and his eyes stilled, focusing on Minho's own.
"Breathe, hyung. You make it seem like this is the most terrifying thing that's ever happened to you-"
"But it is!" Chan's eyes were wide, one brow heavily furrowed.
Minho's face fell and noticing his mistake Chan hastily continued, "I didn't mean to say it's a bad thing! It came out the wrong way, I'm sorry! It's just.. I never thought.. It came kinda outta left field for me and I have no clue what to do now.."
Minho let go of him and sighed, sinking back into a slouched position. "And why exactly did you come to me with this? Why not Felix or Jisung? What do you expect me to do?"
For some reason those questions made Chan's face color again. The blush that had been fading was back in a second.
Minho gave Chan an expectant look. "Well?"
Chan wrung his hands, a croaky chuckle escaping his lips. He took a deep breath and met Minho's questioning eyes.
"I actually kinda came to you.. to like, put it to the test? My bisexuality that is. You've kissed like at least half the members already-"
"Are you slut-shaming me?"
"Wha- What!? No! No no no, I'm just saying that-"
"Hyung," Minho chuckled. "I wasn't serious, don't worry."
Chan visibly relaxed at that and quickly ran a hand over his face.
"Right. Anyways. As I said, you've kissed Jisung before, and Felix and Hyunjin. So I thought-"
"And Seungminnie."
"-that it'd make se- Seungmin too!? Aish." Chan became more unravelled with every sentence he spoke. Giving Minho a short disbelieving stare at the added info.
"Okay. So I thought it'd make sense if.. If you kissed me..? Because obviously you don't have a problem with kissing your group members and that way I can figure out if I like kissing guys.
...I guess."
Until right this moment Minho had watched Chan stumble around his words with amusement. Now he felt like the ground beneath him had given out, his heart stopping.
Chan-hyung wants me to kiss him?
Now objectively it shouldn't be a problem. Chan's reasoning made sense. Minho was very affectionate in that way and fully believed in platonic kisses. If it had been any other member asking this of him he'd have agreed right away, obviously with a good side of teasing.
But this was Chan.
Chan who was his adoring and reliable yet childish and idiotic hyung. Chan who was his strong and responsible leader. Chan who was his close and caring friend. Chan who he has been stupidly in love with for the better part of a year. As much as he'd tried to smother those feelings.
When he had kissed Seungmin it had been because Minho had thought the younger looked cute, all tired and disheveled in the morning. He hadn't thought much about it. In barely a second he leaned down and placed a quick peck on Seungmin's lips. As expected the response wasn’t too positive, the younger grabbing a pillow and hitting Minho with it while shouting expletives. Minho giggled throughout the assault, too happy about the cute blush adorning Seungmin's cheeks to care about much else.
Curiosity had been the reason for his shared kisses with Felix and Hyunjin. It was a late and exhausting night in the dance practice room. As the dance line they were the first to be confronted with new choreos. Needing to drill them into their bodies in as short an amount of time as possible. That night they deemed themselves masters of their upcoming comeback's choreographies.
The three of them had laid together on the floor, chests heaving when Minho had a wonderful (read: horrible) idea and shot up. He fished out a few bottles of alcohol from behind the couch for them to celebrate with. Changbin and him having stored them there once for specific emergencies.
All of them wound up more or less inebriated.
Hyunjin had already known about Minho's and Felix's sexuality, both having come out already in the beginning days of Stray Kids. During that time they had been believed to be the only non-straight members. Almost a year later and half their members identified as something other than straight.
That day Hyunjin had drunkenly told them about his doubts, and the weird, confusing desires. Minho didn't remember which one of them had come up with the idea but he wouldn't be surprised if it had been him.
In the end they all had ended up making out with each other at one point that evening. Sharing saliva and new experiences whilst giggling and bursting into laughter at the most random and idiotic of thoughts.
And Jisung.
Jisung was his own entire story. One Minho thought back to with a sense of nostalgia. He still remembered Jisung's hesitancy before their first kiss, his round uncertain eyes and pouty lips. The hesitancy that lessened and lessened with every press of lips that followed until it had turned into daring confidence instead. Memories of their heated kisses resurfaced, Jisung's passion overwhelming him-
"So?"
Chan ripped him away from his thoughts, his voice strangely loud. As if he had noticed it himself he cleared his throat and continued with a much softer tone. "What do you think?"
"Why me?"
If Minho was actually supposed to do this, he had to know why Chan didn't just ask Felix who he was so close to or Jisung who he’d known for so long.
"Uh.. you just.. seemed the least awkward option..?" Chan ruffled his hair, his eyes cast to the side. "With the others I feel like.. it would've kinda been like making out with a brother, you know?"
Minho's gears started turning. Something didn't add up.
"But aren't I a brother to you too?"
Confusion was clear in his voice. And maybe there also was a little glimmer of hope. The embers started to dance again, just the slightest bit. But there was no way that the implication of Chan's words would reign true.
Chan halted, eyes widening as if caught off guard. In an instant that expression was gone though, wiped from his face and replaced with a lopsided grin.
"Of course you are. But since you didn't have any qualms about kissing your other 'brothers', I figured it wouldn't hurt to add one more to the list?"
He smiled as he spoke, voice deceptively light. Minho raised his eyebrow as the other bounced up once at the end of his query.
Minho couldn't quite pinpoint it but there was something off about the other, something that hadn't been there mere moments before. Some sort of agitation that hadn't accompanied his nervousness until now.
Chan kept wringing his hands, crooked smile still playing on his lips as his eyes darted over Minho's face, scanning him.
Minho huffed.
"You sound like I have a head count. I'm not a serial killer." He crossed his arms in mock petulance and smiled as Chan let out a giggle.
The elder's eyes grew softer, some of the tension leaving him. He titled his head, peeking up at Minho.
"..so?"
This wasn't really fair. Minho both wanted to vehemently decline and at the same time enthusiastically voice his willingness to help. And the sight of Chan's warm eyes, big nose and slightly protruding lips raised into a smile with his bangs falling into his eyes didn't help matters at all.
Curse his hyung and his damned attractiveness.
Minho swallowed. He was going to regret this. This was the most horrible choice he's ever made he was sure.
"Alright."
Chan's head snapped up so fast that he winced and rubbed his neck before he regarded Minho with big eyes. "For real?"
Minho repositioned himself to sit directly opposite Chan as he answered, "Yeah, for real."
He glanced up and couldn't hold back a chuckle at the sight. "What hyung? Nervous? You've made out with someone before, right?"
He received a punch on the shoulder.
"Sure I have, doesn't mean I can't be nervous right now. First time with a guy, remember?"
Minho just smiled at him, clear adoration in his eyes. Chan pouted.
His shoulders dropped and he sighed.
"Can we please just do this? Stop bullying me."
Minho sat up straighter, smirking.
"You like it though."
"What? Being bullied by you?"
"Yup."
Chan shook his head. "Ya. You really gotta learn how to treat your hyungs."
Minho rolled his eyes good-naturedly.
He cleared his throat. "Well enough of that," he said and finally put a hand on Chan's shoulder. "Shall we, hyung?"
Chan blushed again as he deflated and if Minho were honest, he could feel heat in his own face too.
"Right. Yeah. Sure."
Chan closed his eyes.
"Go ahead."
For the shortests of moments Minho caught himself admiring his hyung. His eyelashes fanning out on his cheeks, lips looking so soft and inviting. Minho stopped thinking as desire lead him to do as he was supposed to.
His hands rose up, cradling Chan's face gently as his lips met the older's.
Slowly he started to move. Careful and apprehensive. Subconsciously his thumb began to caress Chan's cheek as he tilted his head to fit their mouths together better.
A hum. Low and rumbling.
Minho shuddered at the vibration. A rough hand grasped at his hip. Pulled him closer. Dug into his flesh the tiniest bit. Another started to tangle in his hair.
A moan slipped from his lips. He let his hands drift away from Chan's face before he slung his arms around his neck.
The hand in his hair tightened. Minho gasped.
"Hyunng-"
For the fraction of a second Minho's eyes flickered open in surprise.
Chan's tongue was in his mouth.
His grip tightened, responding with just as much vigor with his own tongue.
Minho hadn't expected this. His intention had been a close mouthed kiss lasting maybe a couple of seconds. But this had turned into a full making out session.. seemingly on the verge of becoming even more by the sounds they were making.
His heart was pounding. All sense and care left for a later time. Chan's hand had travelled from his hair down to his neck, putting pressure onto it ever so slightly. His other hand wasn't on his hip any more either, having found purchase on his lower back. He was holding him so close.
All he felt was Chan. All he smelled was Chan. All he heard was Chan. All his senses tingled with Chan.
And then that moment found its end.
They parted, breathing hard.
Minho loosened his hold on the other, his hands staying on his shoulders though. Afraid somehow to let go completely.
After a few seconds of catching his breath he looked up, weak grin on his face.
"Please tell me this isn't how you'd usually kiss your brothers, hyung."
Chan's eyes were a deep abyss, the browns swirling with something.. an emotion Minho couldn't really discern. Chan's hands had lost their force but he hadn't moved them away. Instead his thumb slowly started stroking Minho's jawline.
Minho's breath stuttered.
"Because.. because this sure isn't how I'd kiss my brothers... "
"Remember what I said about staring at some guys?"
Minho nodded mutely.
"I sorta lied.. There's only been one specific guy I kept staring at."
"Wha- wait."
Chan chuckled nervously and retracted his hands. He put a little distance between them as he settled back a bit. Minho's arms dropped too. He missed the feeling of the embrace already.
"I hadn't planned on things getting out of hand like this.." Chan's eyes roamed over the ceiling. "I'm.. I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable.."
"Wait wait wait.." Minho shut his eyes, scrunching up his face in thought, one pointer finger held up in front of Chan's face.
He opened his eyes.
"Does that mean.. you.. you like me? ..as in like like me?"
Chan crossed his arms, scratching at them nervously. He glanced at Minho from the corner of his eye. A weak and embarrassed smile played at his lips.
"Kinda?"
Minho stared.
A second later he was hitting his hyung with a couch cushion.
"What the- Minho, what the hell- hey!- stop- stop it!-"
After he got a few good hits in he cast the cushion away and inhaled deeply. Chan peeked through his arms, raised in defense.
Minho's shoulders sagged and he shook his head lightly at Chan.
"Hyung. You are such a dumbass."
"I mean I agree but.. what was the sudden assault about? Wait-" The laughter in Chan's eyes disappeared and his expression grew serious. "I did fuck up didn't I? I talked about a simple kiss and then I-"
Before he was able to go on further Minho huffed in annoyance and leaned down, pressing his lips against Chan's mouth. Effectively shutting him up.
They stayed like that for a moment until Minho moved away again.
"You're a dumbass for not just confessing like a normal person but coming up with an intricate plan instead," Minho huffed out.
Chan didn’t move, staring at Minho.
Several seconds later he swallowed. "For the record, confessing hadn't been the plan." He pointed his finger at Minho for emphasis. "I really just wanted to know if I thought too much into this-" he gestured between them "-but I can definitely say that I enjoyed kissing you quite a lot. And uhm.. yeah I'm pretty sure now that I'm.. I'm in love with you." He was avoiding eye contact at this point, focusing on a little stain on the sofa and lightly scratching it with his finger.
Minho's head tilted to the side as he took Chan's words in.
"Huh."
The scratching stilled. Chan peeked up, eyebrows furrowed.
"'Huh'?"
"What?"
"... I expected a bigger reaction? Like a rejection maybe? Or.. well.. whether you reciprocate my feelings?"
Chan stared at him. Minho stared back.
"Hyung."
Minho's voice held an edge.
"I kissed you back didn't I? I even kissed you a second time. If I hadn't wanted your advances, I would've pushed you off the moment you tried getting your tongue down my throat."
"... good point."
"Well?"
"Well what?"
Minho facepalmed. Chan still looked confused.
For such an incredibly smart person, he sure is a dumbass sometimes.
Minho sighed. His irritation left though when his gaze wandered over Chan's innocent face.
"I meant what we are now, hyung." He brushed through his hair and puffed out his cheeks. "We both confessed right? Isn't this the part where we decide to be boyfriends?"
Chan's eyes popped and he jumped back a little in shock.
"Wait. When- when did you confess too- You like me back??"
"Hyung, I've liked you for a very long time now. There was a reason Jisung and I broke up, you know. It's cause one of us caught feelings for someone else…" Minho stared down at his thigh, still feeling guilty about it. About hurting Jisung even if it hadn't been intentionally.
"Oh.."
"Yup." He pressed his lips together in a tight lipped smile, eyes still down.
Chan chuckled nervously. "That kinda explains a lot actually."
Minho met his eyes, tentatively he returned the smile.
"It does, doesn't it?"
With the tiniest bit of apprehension Chan moved his hand to take hold of Minho's, easily encasing it. A dopey grin formed on his face as he squeezed it a little.
Minho hummed lowly and moved his hand so he could intertwine their fingers. Subconsciously he noted how rough Chan's hand was, calluses all over it. He stroked over the rough skin with his thumb.
For a while they just sat there, hand in hand, gazes connected. Seeing yet not really seeing. Each discovering new things within the other, beneath that surface they had finally dared to breach. Now with the knowledge and reassurance of what they both felt, they had mustered up the courage to venture down that enticing path. Taking the dive to the allure in the deep.
And what Minho found made the fire burst up again with an unbelievable force. High, blazing, dancing and hot flames licked at his insides. Spreading the fire until he felt its tingling heat in each of his limbs.
A bright grin broke out on his face. Even his face was aflame. He grasped at their linked hands tightly and pulled.
And though Chan startled slightly, he let himself fall forwards and in the blink of an eye, their lips had found each other's again.
Only once Changbin came home, loudly yelling about something or another, did the both of them finally move away from each other and off the sofa, flustered and disheveled yet thoroughly happy.