Chapter Text
The first thing I noticed as I started regaining consciousness was how fucking uncomfortable my bed had become in the night. The second thing I noticed was that I had apparently kicked off my blanket in the night, leaving my bare legs to freeze. The third thing I noticed was how abrasively floral my room smelled. It was a scent I recognized to my chagrin. One I had had to sit through with countless tea times with King FluffyBuns in his garden. The very first thing I had smelled when I first entered the Underground. Buttercups.
Deciding to deal with that scent later, I felt around for my blanket, determined to snag a few more minutes of sleep before Paps came to wake me up as usual. Imagine my surprise when I found a handful of flowers instead. Now that was concerning enough to have me bolting upright in my bed, eyes wide open,
“What the fuck.”
Or should I say flower patch?
Instead of my bed, and my room for that matter, I was sleeping in a very familiar patch of buttercups and a very familiar hole in the ceiling was illuminating a very familiar purple room.
I let out a loud whine of distress, realizing exactly what this meant. Another RESET.
When I had first entered the Underground nearly two years prior, I had discovered my odd ability to literally reset time. Unfortunately, the circumstances which I discovered my ability were less than favourable. I was doing a spike puzzle in the ruins when I slipped and impaled myself on the deadly spikes. I had to wait in excruciating pain until I finally bled out and died. I wasn’t expecting to be brought to a separate plane of reality. I wasn’t expecting to be given a choice. And yet…
I chose to reset, not ready to die. And so my journey started once more.
Flowey didn’t remember me. Or at least I thought he didn’t, at first. But when I avoided his deadly “friendliness pellets”, having learned my lesson the first time, he lashed out and revealed that he remembered after all.
He seemed to be the only one who did though. All of the other monsters in the ruins, including Toriel, remembered nothing about me.
I promised myself that day to only use my power for emergencies.
Eventually, I had to leave Toriel, Something deep in my SOUL was telling me that I would never be truly happy if I stayed in the ruins and I just couldn’t ignore it. So I fled, finding myself in a snowy forest.
From there I met the skelebros. Even with Sans’ initially aggressive attitude, we became close friends and I was invited to stay at their home. Not wanting to impose, I had initially declined, but you can only resist for so long against Papyrus and his promises of endless sleepovers.
So I moved in and everything was good. For a time.
Six months of living Underground passed before I started noticing problems. I found myself sleeping and eating less, becoming more depressed, and bruising easier. When I brought it up with Alphys, she theorized that the lack of vitamin D from the sunlight was affecting my health. With no other clues as to what else could be affecting me, we began meeting regularly to search for a solution. But it turned out we didn’t need one.
All of the food I had been eating in my time Underground was not giving my body the vitamins it needed, instead pumping it with more magic than I’d ever been exposed to. With no actual proof or way to study what had happened with me, we were left with our best guess: the surplus of magic provided my body with a way to heal itself.
It started so mundanely. Papyrus and Sans were out doing their jobs, (well, Papyrus was doing his job, Sans was probably sleeping) and I was left watching tv at home. Deciding I had enough of the tv, I waved at it absently intending to turn it off and leaned over to grab the remote. When I returned my attention to the tv, remote in hand, I was met with a black screen. Curiously, I waved my hand at the tv again, this time with the intent to turn it on, only to be startled when it actually turned on.
I was startled enough to outright toss the remote I was holding across the room. Instinctually, I reached out to catch it, fully knowing I wasn’t going to be able to. I was wrong. A light green glow surrounded the remote, keeping it suspended in the air.
Naturally, I panicked… which turned out to be a bad idea. As I got more frantic, more and more objects began glowing and floating around the room.
So there I stood for a good minute staring at the mess, not daring to put my hand down until slowly, very slowly, I reached into my pocket, grabbed my phone, and called speed dial.
He picked up after three agonizingly long rings.
“Sup?”
I took a shaky breath and laughed nervously, my eyes trained on my arm,
“Sans I’m freaking the fuck out. Come home, please. Right now.”
“Kid, wha-”
I hung up before he could finish, knowing he’d arrive as soon as possible. Instantly I felt his magic crackle as he teleported to the living room.
“Kid are you-!” He cut himself off, choosing instead to take in the mess I had somehow caused.
“Sans, what the fuck is happening?”
And that blue hoodied bastard started fucking laughing at me.
We figured the magic my body was using to heal itself had some side effects. By that I mean it found its way into my SOUL and I was developing my own magic like a monster child.
Given my anatomy, it wasn’t that much of a surprise when my magic type turned out to be similar to the skeleton bros. Gravity magic and, to my absolute delight, void shortcuts. I ended up with teleportation like Sans and I didn’t get any blasters or attacks aside from a tiny bone no longer than a pencil which I was only slightly disappointed about.
Papyrus and Undyne started training me and strengthening my control while being attacked and Sans helped me get the hang of my teleporting.
So we fell into an easy rhythm. I lived with my best friends. We’d train and cook and once a week we’d all get together for anime night. It was good. Comfortable. Familiar.
Until fucking now apparently.
Searching for any type of solution, I looked around, refusing to get up in case I was really just having a nightmare. To my surprise, the room looked a little more… run-down than the last time I was there? The floor was cracked in some places and the buttercups had red stains on them. I didn’t have time to dwell on that because looking at the buttercups encouraged a eureka moment.
What do you get when you mix buttercups, RESET knowledge, and negative emotions? The little yellow prick that is Flowey.
“I sure as hell didn’t fucking RESET. That leafy bastard is the only one (save for Sans) who knows about the damned things in the first place and he’s certainly the only one who wants one to happen.”
With that in mind, I stood up, fully intending to storm into the next room and confront Flowey when I realized just how breezy my legs felt. I cringed, knowing full well why, but looking down anyway.
Yep. Pantsless.
I never thought my t-shirt and panties combo as a choice of sleepwear would ever bite me in the ass, but there I was.
“Oh good, that means my phone is gone too. Fuckin’ delightful.”
Pissed, and not able to really do anything about my pants situation, I stomped into the next room. It was the sound of sobbing that made me pause for a moment. Peeking into where I knew Flowey would be sitting, I was met with a rather perplexing sight.
Flowey was hunched over and… crying?
Shaking it off, I returned to the situation at hand and got closer.
“Hey weed,” I bellowed angrily, “I have a bone to pick with you.”
Startled, he un-hunched himself and met my eyes, allowing me to get a good look at him. He was battered up and torn in some places and singed in others. I felt my SOUL permeate with kindness and couldn’t help but feel slightly bad for the little fucker.
Said little fucker began shaking in fear,
“A-a human! Oh, g- oh god please don’t hurt me! Please! I’m barely worth- I’m not- I’m barely worth any EXP!”
Now, I knew Flowey. I knew very well to never ever let your guard down around him. I KNEW this! And yet…
“Jesus Flowey, what the fuck happened to you?”
At the sound of his name, he only shook harder,
“How-”
“Cut the shit dude,” I rolled my eyes, “we both know you know about the RESETS and we both know I know about the RESETS,” I narrowed my eyes, “or did you think I’d forget after that little stunt you pulled? Thought if you initiated the RESET I wouldn’t remember?”
“Wait no I didn’t RESET! And how do you know about the RESETS?”
“Bull! Otherwise, I wouldn’t be back at the beginning!”
“But-”
“What do you have to gain from this anyway? You just want to fuck up my life or something? Do you just like tormenting Sans?”
“No! No no no no no please please don’t! I don’t know how you- h-how you know Sans or-or why you think I RESET, but please please don’t give Sans another reason to hate me! Please, I’ll do anything!” And with that he broke into heavy sobs, tears streaming down his damaged face.
I blinked, making sure I was seeing what was happening correctly. Flowey, the fucking murder flower was crying in fear over the thought of Sans being mad at him. I might not have known what the fuck was going on, but I did know one thing: this was not the Flowey I knew and hated.
Sighing, I approached carefully and sat beside him,
“Hey,” I cooed softly, “Flowey it’s okay. If you didn’t do anything wrong, then Sans has no reason to be mad at you okay?”
“He doesn’t care!” He sobbed hysterically, “Sans will dust me whether I did anything wrong or not!”
Everything inside of me screamed to help this poor scared flower. I really hoped this wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass. Slowly, I moved my hand to rest near FLowey and began stroking the top of his head soothingly,
“Sweetpea, Sans the Skeleton will not kill you. I won’t let him. Not if you’re innocent.”
“You can’t stop Sans! No one can stop Sans except Papyrus, and even he wouldn’t bother to say no to dusting me! He wouldn’t think I’d be worth saving.”
“Flowey listen to me. I don’t know if this is some weird-ass fever dream or I’m in some kind of alternate dimension or what, but Sans is just a pun-loving, condiment-drinking, gremlin of a skeleton, and Papyrus is a puzzle-loving, pasta-cooking, sweetheart with self-esteem issues and amazing acting skills. And I know how to handle both of them. Now, if I decide you won’t be hurt, then I will do everything in my power to keep you from getting hurt, okay?”
The words ‘alternate dimension’ reminded me of a particularly interesting drunk conversation I had had with Sans involving the term ‘multiverse theory’. I had no time to dwell on it though because I still had a crying flower to console.
He sniffed and responded with a broken laugh,
“You’ve clearly never met The Great and Terrible Papyrus and his short-tempered, 1 HP brother.”
I smiled softly and used my thumbs to wipe the tears from his face,
“No, but I’ve met The Great Papyrus and his lazy overprotective brother. They’re dorks. I bet your Sans and Paps are dorks too.”
He let out a more genuine-sounding laugh,
“Papyrus would have you beheaded for that kind of slander... Can- can you tell me about where you come from? I have a feeling it’s a whole lot better than this hellhole.”
“Sure, sweetpea. But can you tell me about your Toriel first? She’s supposed to come around here soon, isn’t she?”
That, apparently, was the wrong thing to say because every trace of good mood he had was gone. He started trembling under my fingertips,
“Oh no- oh no. You- you need to hide! You need to hide! She can’t find you!”
“Why? Is she evil or something here?”
“What no! She’s not bad, really! She’s just… not healthy. She will try to kill you because anyone else would draw it out. She’s trying to spare you from Asgore I think, but... “
“Okay. I’ll avoid Goat Mom. But I wanna see if I can snag some clothes on our way out; I don’t really want to walk around Snowdin in only a shirt,” I stood up and dusted myself off before holding my arm out to Flowey, “You can live out of the ground, right?”
He smiled before nodding gratefully,
“Uh, yeah! Hold on, I’ll just,” he reached up to wrap his vines around my upper arm, securing himself on my shoulder.
“Comfy?”
“Yep!”
Just in time too it seemed because as soon as he said that, we could hear thunderous footsteps coming from the next room,
“Where are you, my child? I can smell you!” Toriel’s booming voice was coming closer.
“Okay, good cause we gotta get the fuck outta dodge.”
“It’s too late, she already knows you’re here!” his eyes were starting to tear up again. I gave him a reassuring head pat,
“Whatever you do, don’t let go.”
That was all the warning I gave him before teleporting directly into Toriel’s house. He was justifiably startled and confused. I gave him a few moments to process experiencing reality shift around him for the first time. The few moments in the void while the universe is trying to piece itself back together before re-entry are usually extremely disorienting and nausea-inducing for first-timers.
“Don’t puke on me.”
My request was enough to snap him out of his awe,
“What the fuck,” he replied eloquently, sending me into a mess of giggles as I moved to sweep the bedrooms for clothes.
“Yeah, that was about my response when Sans first teleported me.”
I decided to check the child’s bedroom first.
“What the fuck. But how? I thought humans didn’t have magic. Not like that.”
I threw open the closet. Score.
“Well,” I shrugged, pushing past a tank top fit for a toddler, “it’s kind of a long story but the gist is my body wasn’t getting sun and the magic in my food overcompensated. Probably. I think I got skele-powers because humans are technically just skeletons with meat. Anyway, Mr. Tall and Bubbly and Captain Anime Lesbian decided to train me while Sans helped with the whole teleportation control.”
Just as I finished my explanation, I came across a short red sweater dress and-
“Fuck yeah! A leather jacket in my size? Badass!”
I grabbed a pair of sneakers as well and placed Flowey on the bed. Not bothering to take off my t-shirt, I threw the outfit on overtop and Flowey climbed back on.
“Hey, you okay there buddy? You’re pretty quiet.”
He, somehow, shrugged. It looked oddly natural despite the lack of shoulders, and arms, and torso, and neck,
“I’m worried about Sans I guess.”
I hummed, beginning my descent into the basement, pointedly ignoring the smell of iron coming from the kitchen and the wrongness of a soft homey place like Toriel’s evoking feelings of fear and disgust,
“Sweetpea, Sans won’t lay a single phalange on you that you don't deserve. I promise-”
A loud bang from upstairs sounded as soon as we reached the bottom of the staircase.
“Where are you, my child?”
I was fuckin’ gone. Sprinting as fast as I could towards the Ruins door while mumbling expletives under my breath might not have been my smartest idea as it was loud enough to incur violent thunderous footsteps racing down the stairs after us, but what are you gonna do?
“Don’t run from me, child! I only want to give you a painless end!”
We were getting closer to the door, Toriel slowly gaining. Remembering how heavy the door was the first time I had gone through it, I used my magic to open it and shave off those few precious seconds.
To anyone watching from an outside perspective, it would have been almost humorous. A grown woman with a screaming flower on her shoulder running away from a large goat towards an open door glowing yellow-green.
Okay, maybe it wouldn’t have been that funny.
I had managed to reach the door just in time to feel the heat of Toriel’s fire on my back.
“S T O P!”
“Hahaha! Wow, that’s some fire!” I laughed nervously, “Sorry Goat Mom, but I gotta dip!”
And then the door slammed shut behind me and all I could feel was the chill of the snow on my bare legs.
Immediately I doubled over in an effort to catch my breath.
“W-wow! You did it! That was- wow- that was terrifying, and I really thought we were gonna die there but you actually- you did it! M-hmhmh-man, I never wanna see Mom that mad again.”
I weakly chuckled, the adrenaline allowing me to feel my heart in my ears,
“Wow I see you had faith in me,” I grinned at him, slowly rising from my bent-over position. His returning grin was refreshing. It was nice to see the little guy respond with an emotion that’s not negative.
I was getting attached. Fast.
His grin was immediately replaced by a grimace when a cold wind breezed past, reminding me once again that I was in a dress. A dress with a hood. I reached up to flick the hood over my head, tucking my hair inside,
“Are you okay on my shoulder, or do you want to ride in the hood? “ I asked, eyeing how Flowey had started to shake as he looked around.
“Can I ride in the hood, please?” His voice came out small and scared, eyes never leaving a particular spot in the trees.
I followed his line of sight, finding the shadowy woods were too dark to make out anything. I figured it was probably just Sans getting ready to do his whole ‘scare the human’ thing. Good-naturedly, I shot that particular spot a smile and a wink. He was a version of my best friend after all.
“Just ignore him, sweetpea. I told you you’d be safe with me.”
“I- okay.”
And with that, he climbed into the hood and settled against my neck. Cold leaves and petals brushing against my bare skin. I began my walk down the path, snow already sticking to my shoes.
There was something… unsettling about this Underground. It was colder, darker. The trees looked less enchanted and whimsical and more decrepit and menacing. In place of pristine snow was a blanket of white tarnished by patches of grey-
“Oh my god is that dust?” I whispered, eyeing a large patch of grey as I passed. My companion let out a sigh,
“Yeah, it is. This place… it’s dangerous. Monsters are cruel and vicious. We’re targets because you’re a human and I’m weak, but everyone else is a target too, for one reason or another. You never know who could be hiding around the corner ready to kill for some extra EXP,” he pressed closer to me.
“What happened to you guys?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“When- when Ch- I mean the royal children died, da- Asgore got really angry. He declared war on humans all over again. But some people remembered the first war and protested. They didn’t want to see another bloodbath. But Asgore didn’t care; he only wanted revenge. So he started making laws and handing out punishments.
One thing led to another and people started getting just as angry as him. Now everyone kills whoever they want trying to become less of a target,” the sadness in his voice was suffocating.
“I’m really sorry that happened to you, sweetpea. God, listen, if I ever find a way back home, I’m taking you with me.”
“Wait, really? You’d do that?”
“You deserve to be safe and happy, Flowey. I don’t know how I’m gonna get home or how I’m gonna take you with me, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try.”
The few seconds of silence where I could only hear the sound of my feet crunching through the snow was broken by a sob, effectively stopping me in my tracks,
“Woah, hey, sweetpea, what’s wrong? I didn’t mean to make you cry. You don’t have to come back with me if you don’t want to,” second-guessing myself, I was really wishing I could see him.
“No, I-” he began, “I’m just really happy. No one’s ever- ever done anything this nice for me before. Please take me with you.”
Relieved, I let out a chuckle,
“Jeez, give the human a heart attack why don’t you. Of course, I will.”
“Sorry. Thank you.”
“It’s okay, Flowey.”
Up ahead I noticed a familiar stick in the middle of the path. I contemplated moving it out of the way to fuck with Sans a little bit but decided against it. Just in case. It’s hard to piss off Sans, but when you do, you better run.
So I stepped over the branch as normal,
“Remember, sweetpea, he won’t touch you with me here.”
CRACK!
I was quick to spin around to stare at the broken branch. That, coupled with Flowey’s shriek, almost made it look like I was startled,
“Oh gosh!” I feigned fear, “I wonder what kind of big strong monster is powerful enough to break such an impressive branch so quickly. Golly, I hope I don’t end up on the receiving end of that power!”
With that, I spun around on my heel and began marching down the path again.
“...what?” the confusion was rolling off of Flowey in waves. Helpfully, I shrugged but offered no other explanation. I didn’t have one.
Right on cue, the footsteps started behind me. Purposefully just out of tandem with mine so I could hear them. As I was approaching the gate thingy, (that still looked ineffective only with spikes this time) I was (predictably) stopped in my tracks by an unseen force. It was much less scary the second time around when I knew exactly what was happening to me.
Slowly, the footsteps got closer and closer until they stopped directly behind me. I was only vaguely aware of Flowey trembling against my skin.
“H u m a n,” the sound of Sans’ voice made me furrow my eyebrows; something was off, “Don’t you know how to greet a new pal?” it still held that signature low timbre, but it was different somehow, “Turn around and shake my hand.”
I mentally shrugged it off and did what he said.
Sorta.
With a shit-eating grin on my face, I grabbed the back of his outstretched hand and shook it.
Revelling in his strained smile and bewildered face, I took a moment to study this Sans. Instead of the iconic ketchup-stained blue hoodie that I had come to know and love, he was wearing a black jacket with yellow fur lining the hood, black and yellow shorts, a red turtleneck, red sneakers, and a spiked collar, strangely. His signature smile was full of sharp teeth and a golden tooth on the one side. Finally, his soft white eyelights were replaced with striking red ones.
Returning my attention to our hands, I turned his to see what gag he had set up.
“Ah,” I nodded wisely, “joy buzzer. Classic.”
My voice seemed to snap him out of his stupor and he pulled his hand back,
“Jesus lady, way ta’ ruin a guy’s joke.”
It clicked.
“What the fuck. Sans, do you have a Brooklyn accent? How?”
I was too busy contemplating how a monster, having never heard of Brooklyn, could have a Brooklyn accent to notice Sans’ eyelights go out.
“How do ya know my name, lady?”
I returned my attention to him and grinned,
“That, my dear, is a long story-” I cut myself off and raised an eyebrow, having felt Sans’ magic crackle in the air setting my hairs on end,
“Not really in the mood for games, lady,” Before I could react, a ring of magic was circled around my neck, eliciting a terrified shriek from Flowey. An understanding look passed across Sans’ face, “Oh I get it. It was the fuckin’ weed.”
My hood was thrown off my head, exposing his trembling form.
“Thought I told ya to stay the fuck away from me, weed.”
“I-I-”
“You know what I do ta little runts that are in my way-"
This was the point where I decided to step in,
“Sans Serif, stop fucking harassing him! Now if you’d wait for five fucking seconds and let me explain myself, you’d know that Flowey, whom you’re not allowed to bully, by the way, has nothing to do with the fact that I know your name!” I snapped, using my hand to protectively shield my companion from Sans’ harsh glare.
A glare that was promptly switched to me.
“Where the fuck do you get off tellin’ me what I’m not allowed to do? You have no fuckin’ power- oh right,” his anger was quickly replaced with a smug sense of satisfaction, “Yer a human in the underground. You won’t last five fuckin minutes here.” his smirk was blinding.
I groaned loudly, this was not how this conversation was supposed to go,
“Of all the fucking- listen, Sans! I’m not from around here-”
“Clearly.” I paused to glare at his interruption,
“Yes, but I’ve been living in the underground for the last two years.”
He bristled at this claim,
“Bullshit! That fuckin crazy lady behind the door would have killed you on sight!”
“Right again, Sansy! But if you would shut your trap for five fucking minutes, you’d know I was living in another Underground!”
“Bull-”
It was a shot in the dark, but-
“Do the words multiverse theory ring any fuckin bells, moron?”
Well, that shut him up. I fought off the urge to express my joy that I remembered my Sans’ drunken rambling correctly. As he somehow managed to glare and gape at the same time, I glanced back at where the path leads. Where I knew Papyrus was stomping down at that moment,
“Now, if I remember correctly, Papyrus is just down that path and on his way. Would you rather I hide, or do you want me to meet him now?”
“I-” he began, sweat starting to form on his skull, “you-” a very familiar shrill voice interrupted him,
“SANS! WHERE ARE YOU YOU FUCKING LAZY BASTARD?”
I blinked a few times trying to process what I had just heard,
“Holy shit! Did Papyrus just swear?”
“Get out of here!” Sans snarled suddenly, “If he finds you, you’re dead.”
I wanted to inform him that that was very much not true, but one look at his panicked expression told me it wasn’t such a good idea, so I nodded instead.
“Sure thing, Sansy Pants. (Oof, I’m gonna have to give you a nickname.) Come meet me by the door when you’re ready. Hold on Flowey.” With a wink, I teleported back to the Ruins door.
One beat of silence.
Two beats of silence.
Three beats of-
“What the everloving fuck!”
“Wow. Swears,” I sarcastically scolded the shaking flower, earning myself a huff,
“Well excuse me for being a little shaken up after staring into the face of death himself!” his voice grew watery from relief.
Oof guilt.
“Yeah… listen, I’m really sorry. I had a plan- well sort of...okay it wasn’t as thought out as it could have been- but then he had an accent and I got distracted and fucked it up. I really could have handled that better, that wasn’t how I was imagining this going,” sighing, I slouched against the door behind me and shoved my hands in my jacket pockets, “Are you okay?”
After a moment of silence, he used his leaf to pat the side of my neck,
“Yeah, I’m fine. But next time have a plan or something, jeez. Dumbass,” I could practically hear the huge shit-eating grin I knew he had plastered onto his little flower face, prompting me to grin in response.
“Anything for you, sweetpea!” I practically sang.
“Anything?” The mischievous intent rolled off him in waves,
“Oh no-”
“Can you tell me about where you came from?”
I chuckled,
“Of course sweetpea. What do you want to know?”
He hummed,
“What am I like? In your world.”
I frowned,
“You won’t like what I have to say about the Flowey from my world.”
“I know. You made that pretty clear when you thought I was him. I still want to know.”
I nodded, relenting,
“Alright. Well, the Flowey in my world is, and this is putting it lightly, a fucking douchbag. He’s spiteful and rude and full of malice. The very first thing he tried to do when I first fell down was kill me. Unlike here, Sans actually has a reason to hate him because back when he could RESET, he used it to torture the inhabitants of the underground.”
"Oh."
"Yeah. Sorry, sweetpea."
"I think your me would like it here."
I outright laughed at the deadpan way he said that,
"You know you're probably right."
"Okay well, what about Sans?"
Speak of the devil and he shall appear I guess because as soon as Flowey asked that I felt the crackle of Sans' magic.
"What about me, weed?"
He appeared directly beside me, a clawed hand gripping my shoulder tightly as if to prevent me from escaping. In response, Flowey moved so that my neck was between him and Sans.
"Sans don't get your fucking panties in a bunch okay? We have more important things to focus on." I turned to look at him head-on, my eyes meeting his glowing red lights.
He glared at me for a moment, but when he realized I wasn't going to submit, let out a short growl and relented, releasing my shoulder,
"Fine. So start talking, human," he clipped.
I frowned- it was weird having your best friend address you so coldly. The last time Sans had seriously called me human was way back when he was warning me against ever hurting Papyrus. But, I reasoned, this Sans wasn’t my best friend. And it would be unfair to compare him to my Sans regardless of how it makes me feel. However, that doesn’t mean I didn’t want this Sans as a friend as well.
With that in mind, I shot him a smile,
“Sure thing, skeleton. Ask away.”
“What do you know about the multiverse theory?”
I winced,
“Okay so here’s the thing,” I began awkwardly, “I can’t exactly confirm or deny that that’s what this is- frankly I still can’t rule out that this is some weird fucking fever dream- because I know basically nothing about any of that science stuff-”
“Then how-” he started to cut me off angrily but I just spoke louder,
“-BUT-fuckin’ hold yer horses! But I know it exists because of my Sans-”
“Your-”
“ONE question at a time, PLEASE Sans! I know it exists because of my Sans. He likes to ramble about his theories and shit when he has one too many bottles of ketchup at Grillby’s and he told me all about it. I was too preoccupied with keeping him from smashing his teeth offa the bar though, so I don’t remember any details.”
“Are you done?” he practically growled. I could feel his magic crackling in the air like he was gearing up for a fight and it was causing Flowey to quietly whimper in fear.
“Yeah, but can you tone it down on the magic, please? It’s unnerving.” I reached a hand up to quietly stroke one of Flowey’s petals to calm him. Sans watched me do this with apt attention.
“You mean it’s scaring the weed.” It wasn’t a question.
I smiled softly. Observant as ever.
“Yeah, it is.”
He seemed taken aback at my soft tone and begrudgingly did as I asked, letting his magic dissipate.
“You used a shortcut. How?”
“Okay, so how much do you know about human anatomy?”
He chuckled,
“I know that when you get hit with something sharp, your weak fleshy bodies start spewing this red shit everywhere.”
I snorted,
“Okay so nothing then,” I turned to face Sans completely, giving him my full attention, “Anatomy lesson. Basically, humans need these things called vitamins and minerals to keep everything working and healthy. We usually get them from our food, but we get something called vitamin D from sun exposure. Obviously hard to come by in the Underground. Now, I’m not a doctor or a scientist so I’m not super sure how it works, but the jist of it is I wasn’t getting enough vitamin D and my body was getting sick. So I met with Alphys, but before we could figure out how to fix it, it started fixing itself.”
“What does that have to do with my question? Have something to hide, dollface?” Sans cut in, the edge to his voice back.
I waved my hand dismissing him,
“Almost there, I promise. The magic in the monster food I was eating was acting as a substitute for the vitamins - at least that's what we think. We figure too much of it got absorbed into my soul and I started developing magic like a young monster. Skelle magic to be specific. Paps taught me to control my magic and Sans taught me to use shortcuts.”
For a while, he didn't respond. We just stood there in silence with him glaring at me and me watching the gears turning in his head. Then I watched his eyelights travel downwards until they were staring at my chest. I was about to tell him off for being a perv, but then I noticed he wasn’t just staring at my chest. Oh no. He was staring at a very specific spot.
Seemed creeping on souls was just a universal Sans thing.
“Hey!” I snapped my fingers in his face, “My eyes are up here. Seriously, you’re not even gonna ask first?” I crossed my arms in front of my chest and glared at Sans’ shocked face. He was quick to put on a lecherous grin.
“Sorry dollface, but with a body like that how could I not stare-”
Ticked off, I interrupted him,
“How fucking dumb do you think I am?” Irritation bloomed in his expression as I raised my voice, but I wasn’t done, “I tell you I live with Sans for two fucking years and you think I’m dumb enough to not know when I’m being judged? Honestly, if you had only asked, I would have gladly let you check me so you could see that I’m not a liar.”
“I’m not about to ask for some prissy human’s permission for shit, alright?” He growled, reaching out to yank my arms away from my chest, but I teleported just out of reach when he tried.
He had the nerve to look indignant.
I opened my mouth to chew him out… but thought better of it. In fact, thinking back on our entire conversation, I realized I was being just as bratty as Sans was.
“Aw fuck.”
Not what he was expecting to hear apparently. His indignant expression lessened and his jaw clicked shut, letting me continue.
“Listen, Sans, I’m sorry for snapping at you. That wasn’t cool of me, it wasn’t fair to you, and super not the way to fix this problem. This whole thing is stressful for the both of us and I understand your whole not trusting me, but I can’t just let you invade my soul like that whenever you want.”
He opened his mouth to say something again, the anger returning to his features, but I just kept talking.
“I also know that you aren’t going to ask for my permission and as annoying as I find that I'm not going to force you. So we need to find another way.”
“An’ how,” he finally cut in, “do you expect we do that?”
I pursed my lips and stared back into his eyelights, not having an answer. After a few moments, however, a thought came to me and I resisted the urge to facepalm.
“Of course!” I exclaimed, “The codes!”
He looked at me like I had just rolled around in the mud and started painting the walls with it.
“What.”
“Well, assuming you’re similar enough to my Sans that you have secret codes that only you know. And I’m also assuming you’re similar enough that they’d be the same. But! If I’m right, it would prove that everything I’ve said so far isn’t just total bullshit, right?”
He continued staring at me blankly for a few moments before his face contorted in realization and he burst out laughing.
“Ya mean those stupid ass secret phrases I made up when I was a baby bones? Your universe’s me still uses them? Yeah, lay em on me,” he wheezed, still highly amused.
I couldn’t help but smile back, his joy contagious.
“Okay, so, there are two codes,” I began, Sans looked SO ready, “The first one is your secret codeword. It’s and I quote, ‘I’m a stupid doodoo butt’-”
He doubled over and burst out laughing. By the time he looked back at me, red tears were in the corners of his eye sockets,
“Yeah? And?”
“And the second one is not your secret secret codeword (you don’t have one of those) but your secret secret triple secret codeword. It’s ‘I’m the legendary fartmaster’-”
Once again, as soon as the words left my mouth, loud laughter bubbled from his.
“Fuck I can’t believe it! That’s fucking gold. How much of a fucking pussy does your Sans have to be to… to- OH shit!” immediately, his good mood washed away and his eyelights refocused on me, “That means yer telling the truth. “
I nodded,
“Yep.”
“Shit.”
“Mmhm. And that brings us to why I’m here. I kinda need your help to get back.”
“My help? The fuck you need my help for? Wha’ makes ya think I’m even gonna help you anyway?”
I tilted my head back and forth, thinking it over,
“Well, I’m kinda dumb when it comes to this kinda stuff so I knew I needed someone who wasn’t to help me. And the only two people that I know that might even have an inkling of a chance at getting me home are you and Alphys. And I have a feeling I’ll run into Undyne if I ask Alphys for help so she’s kinda not a choice. Plus Sans is my best friend and even though you aren’t really alike for a lot of things, it makes me feel better to be around you.”
“Ew fuck off with that sappy shit, I’m gonna barf. And that doesn't answer my second question. Why should I help you? It’d be a skeleton less work to just bring ya to Boss and use your soul to get us outta this mountain.”
I grinned.
“Been there, done that, Cherrybomb. My soul is super useless for the barrier.”
“What?!” exclaimed Flowey from inside my hood. He was so quiet, if it hadn't been for his subtle movements around my shoulder, I would have forgotten he was there. It seemed Sans had though.
Uh oh. His glare was back.
“Can it weed, the grownups are talking. Yer lucky I haven’t dusted ya yet.” he turned his attention back to me, “Nicknames already, dollface? How’s about you explain what the fuck yer talking about first.”
I shrugged and offered Flowey a few comforting pets,
“Okay, so human souls are so powerful because they don’t have an outlet for all the magic in their souls and it stays trapped inside. Well, I have an outlet for my magic. So, like, my soul isn’t as powerful as a regular human’s. It’d be like trying to use a boss monster’s soul to break the barrier.”
That last sentence hung in the air for a second or two before Sans’ glare morphed into a full-blown scowl.
“Fucking hell. The first human to fall in years and she’s fucking useless,” he grumbled, taking a step to walk away.
“Please, will you help me, Sans? You’re my only hope of getting back home. I really do need you,” I pleaded.
He froze in his tracks not looking at me for a second. Before ever so slowly, I watched his shoulders relax as he groaned and turned to face me.
“How the fuck am I supposed to leave you here when you ask me like that, doll?”
Hope blossomed in my chest,
“Does that mean you’ll help me?” I asked tentatively.
He let out a big shuddering sigh,
“I fuckin’ guess.”
I let a smile spread across my face a split second before I launched myself at him in a hug, almost bowling him over. He didn’t even have time to react and neither did Flowey who shrieked when he realized how close Sans was.
“Oh thank you so much Cherrybomb!”
Before he (or Flowey for that matter) could attempt to impale me, I stepped back and beamed at Sans. He hadn’t moved, aside from his eyelights that were rapidly shrinking and dialating as they followed me.
“Uh,” I began, worried, “Cherrybomb? You okay, dude?”
Eventually, he seemed to snap out of his shock, putting on a lewd expression to hide it. I could tell it was forced.
“Do ya just throw yourself at e’ry guy ya meet, dollface? Didn’t realize ya wanted to jump my bones so badly.”
Taking pity on the poor guy and not really wanting to push him to find out whatever that was, I played along.
“Aww, only the handsome ones, sugar skull.”
To my joy, that got him to flush a brilliant cherry red.
“Shut up!” He sputtered, “And don’t call me that!”
He turned tail and started stomping away, leaving me desperately trying not to laugh at how he was acting like a petulant child.
“Just fucking follow me and keep your damn mouth shut!”
“Whatever you say, Cherrybomb.”