Chapter Text
It was a known fact that Levi was socially inept. Like, the sky is blue, the earth is round, Levi can't interact with humans to save his life. So it's a little...awkward to have a social skill-seeking role thrust upon him one morning.
Carla rang his doorbell at literally seven am and strolled inside with a bundle of his soon to be cause-of-every-problem-that-exists-including-global-warming-but-not-really cradled in her arms.
"Look Eren, it's grumpy uncle Levi." She cooed in that aggravatingly sugary, reserved only for babies voice.
Levi rubbed at his cowlicks, a little disoriented, unable to produce anything other than an,"Already?"
"Yes, Levi. Now don't just stand a foot away like he's going to bite, he doesn't even have teeth yet."
Levi leaned forward a bit and blinked down at the baby."I don't see what's so interesting about him when he's dozing off." Eren had his eyes closed, but his lips curved into a cute and toothless smile.
"He's dreaming." Carla chuckled a little. Levi hummed before cautiously poking his cheek. The kid stirred and his hand twitched, and then suddenly Levi's finger was in a death grip. Carla practically shoved him into Levi's arms.
"I still haven't gotten my coffee yet, hold him while I make some."
"Wait, I can't-" Levi resigned to his fate with a sigh, awkwardly standing there while the baby blinked it's huge eyes open.
"Oh look, his eyes are pretty."
Very pretty indeed. Except, his comments and thoughts about the brat changed a lot over time.
It started off with,"Eren, don't touch that."
Then,"Eren, don't fucking eat that."
"Jesus fucking Christ, Eren, not the Clorox."
"Dammit Eren, I just cleaned my fucking floors!"
"Give me back the fucking knife right now."
"Holy fuck I need an aspirin."
The brat hadn't even surpassed eighteen months and Levi found himself sprawled dead on the couch at the end of the days he comes over.