Chapter Text
“Trouble in paradise?”
He looked up from his papers, a look of complete confusion plastered across his face. His coworker, Ryuu stood in the doorway, smirking at his own joke.
“What makes you think that?”
“You're never like this unless somethings bothering you.” Ryuu gestured at the mess of paperwork strewn about the normally immaculate office. “Problems with the chief?”
“We’re fine. Lin just hasn’t been feeling well lately. Somethings probably making its way around the station again.”
Ryuu laughed, “Let’s hope it's just that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He was used to Ryuu joking around, but honestly, he was not in the mood today. He wasn’t going to lie, things had been rough with Lin under the weather as of late, but that didn’t mean it had to be a joke for his coworkers.
“I don’t know,” He shrugged, “just that you didn’t get her pregnant or something.”
Lee shot up from behind his desk, disturbing the precarious piles of papers and sending them fluttering around the office.
His coworker held his hands up as he took a step back, hoping to de-escalate the situation. “Calm down Lee, it was just a joke.”
Lee pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to get his breathing back under control. “I’m not in the mood today Ryuu.”
~~~~
“Chief, engineer Lee is here to see you.”
Lin waved her hand at her secretary, not bothering to look up from the current case she was reading. It needed to be signed, summarized and turned in by the end of the day, she didn’t have time for pleasantries.
Lee brushed past the secretary, closing the door
“If you’re here about wanting to go to lunch I don’t have time today.” Lin scrawled her signature across the document, flipping it over and starting on the next one in the pile.
“You need to see a healer.”
She snorted, her eyes still focused on the work in front of her. They’d had this same conversation multiple times already over the past month or so. “I told you, it's just a bug, it’ll pass soon.”
“But what if you’re pregnant.”
Her pen came to a sudden halt, a puddle of ink forming on the paper as the tip broke off. They may have had this conversation many times before, but never once had it taken this turn. Snapping her eyes up, she was met with a look of intense worry drawn across Lee’s face.
“I’m not pregnant.” Each word sharply articulated with a note of anger.
“Think about it Lin, you’ve been sick for weeks.”
“So that suddenly means I have to be pregnant? Look, I've been under a lot of stress, of course it would take me longer to recover. There is no reason to jump to hysterics.” She began to rub at her temples, feeling a headache coming on.
“Lin-“
“No. I’m fine.”
“Lin, please, just go see a healer.”
She sighed and dropped her head into her hands. She was not in the mood to fight right now, there were piles of work to get through, and if she was being honest, she did feel like crap. “We’ll talk about this later.”
“Lin!”
“Enough! I have a lot I need to get caught up on. I don’t have time to be arguing with you about this.”
“Fine. We’re going to discuss this tonight then.”
Lin just shook her head in annoyance.
~~~~
Lin cradled her head as the door shut behind him. Pregnant? Where did that come from? She squeezed her eyes shut as she leaned back into her chair. She raked through her thoughts, trying to remember everything that had happened over the past couple of weeks, for a moment that could have made him even consider the idea that she could be pregnant.
She wrinkled her nose. Even the word bothered her, it felt weak, not something to associate with her name.
But, perhaps it would be worth paying Katara a visit, even if just to prove her ever so caring boyfriend wrong.
~~~~
“Lin!” Katara engulfed her in a hug the moment she swung open the door. “It’s been too long, you know you’re always welcome.”
“Hello aunt Katara. I’m sorry I haven’t visited sooner, things have just been busy.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it, you’re here now, and I was just about to put on a pot of tea” Katara finally took a step back, sliding her hands down Lins arms and taking a good look at her, a frown forming on her face
“I take it this isn’t just a visit to catch up.” Katara said with a sigh. She should have known, Beifongs were never one to sit and catch up.
Lin shook her head as she dropped her gaze toward the ground. “I’ve been ill the past few weeks, and Lee, he’s starting to get worried.
“Weeks?! Oh Lin. Come in, come in. Straight back to the healing room with you.”
Lin gave her a weak smile, she could always trust aunt Katara to fuss.
“Now, what seems to be the problem.”
“It’s nothing really, probably just another bug I picked up at the station.”
“And you said it's been a few weeks.”
Lin felt her face flush. Hearing it from someone else made her realize how pathetic the whole situation was.
“Well why don’t you lie down and I’ll take a look.”
Lin suddenly stiffened, remembering Lee’s words from earlier that morning, the word pregnant pinging around the inside of her skull. A panic settled over her, breaking her out in a cold sweat.
“Lin?” Katara had sat down next to her, concern written across her features.
“I’m sorry, I’m sure it nothing, I shouldn’t have taken up your time.”
She began to stand, but felt a gentle hand on her elbow stopping her.
“Lin, what’s going on?”
She stood there for what felt like an eternity just trying to collect the thoughts which seemed to be swimming before her eyes. Seemed to be mocking her.
“Lee, he-he thinks that I…”
“It’s alright, don’t rush yourself.”
Lin sucked in a deep breath before she quietly spoke, “That I might be...pregnant.”
The hand on her elbow tightened into a comforting squeeze.
“Lin honey, please look at me.”
It took more effort than she could have ever thought to pull her gaze up from the floor and meet Katara’s eyes.
“Avoiding it isn’t going to help, it never does. You’ll just worry yourself sick over the possibilities.” Katara offered her a smile. “When was your last period?”
Lin racked her brain, but couldn’t seem to place the last time. She missed her periods often, what with how stressed she was at work.
“I can’t remember.” She replied after a moment. “I skip them sometimes.”
Katara nodded and stood back up, a look Lin couldn’t quite place on her face. “Why don’t you lay down for me.”
She sank back down in a daze, Katara gently coaxing her onto her back. She felt the warm glow of the water as it started around her head but couldn’t bring herself to relax into it as she usually would.
~~~~
Lee paced the floor of the kitchen. He kept glancing at the hands of the clock, they seemed to be moving slower than usual. On his way out of the station he had stopped and talked to Lin’s secretary, telling him to make sure Lin left at the end of her shift and didn’t try to stay late. The secretary had promised, but when it came to Lin there was only so much a person could do.
The sound of the front door opening brought his pacing to a sudden halt. He glanced at the clock again, 7:00, Lin had come home on time after all.
She was kicking off her boots by the time he made it to the door.
She barely glanced up at him before she began to speak, her words seeming unsteady, “If we’re going to do this now, I’m going to need some tea first.”
“It’s already on the stove.”
She straightened up once she was finished putting her shoes away and rolled her eyes. “Of course it is.”
~~~~
She stared at the cup of tea Lee placed in front of her. He sat down across from her, picking up his own cup, stalling for time in the way that he always did, with tea.
“Is it too hot?”
Lin shook her head even though it felt as if it were burning throat. Quiet lapsed between them once again, the only sounds the ticking of the clock and the click of china cups on the table.
It was Lee who finally spoke first. Neither of them could ever stand too much small talk, and in true fashion he cut right to the point.
“Have you thought about what I said earlier, about seeing a healer?”
Lin set her cup down. In actuality she had done more than thought about it. “I went to see Katara this afternoon.”
She could feel the shock radiating off Lee. He was used to Lin being stubborn (he often said it was one of the things he loved about her), typically having to be locked out of her office and dragged to the healer. To hear she had gone of her own will sent his mind reeling. “And? What did she say?”
Lin bit her lip as she watched the steam waft out of her cup. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to admit it aloud, ready to make it real. But, as Katara had said, avoiding it would only make her anxious. Finally she tore her eyes away from the steam, meeting Lee’s expectant ones across the table.
“I’m pregnant.” The words seemed to have sucked all the air from the room.
Lee was silent, a look of shock plastered across his face.
For the first time Lin couldn’t stand the silence. She found it unbearable, suffocating.
“How do you feel about this.” We’re the words that finally shattered the silence and sent Lin’s mind reeling.
Her brows furrowed in confusion. What did she think about this? “What does that mean?”
Lee seemed to weigh his words, looking into his cup as if for answers. “I know you never wanted children,” he began, “and we were always careful, but, well…”
“Here we are.” She finished.
“Here we are.” He repeated.
Downing the rest of her tea, Lin tried to sort the thoughts buzzing through her head.
“I really don’t know.” Was all she could settle on. She could see the disappoint in Lee’s eyes even though he tried to keep his face neutral. “How do you feel?”
“Honestly?”
Lin nodded.
“Honestly, I’m ecstatic. I’d never thought much about kids, or starting a family, but, well, here we are.”
A smile crept across his face as he spoke. Lin wasn’t sure exactly what she had hoped to hear, and wasn’t sure if she was disappointed or relieved by his words.
“But, I’m not going to force you into anything.” He continued. “Lin, please look at me. If you decide this isn’t something you, I’m going to support you on that.” He reached out for her hand, it felt cold under his grasp.
She dropped her gaze again, pulling her hand from his grip. She studied the grain of the table, processing everything he had just said. He had given her an out, even promised to support her, but yet, she felt no relief in his words. Instead, she just felt sick. Sicker than she had felt in a long time.
Jerking to her feet, her chair clattered to the floor.
“Lin?” Lee sprang out of his own chair in a move to follow her, to comfort her.
“I think I’m going to be sick.” And with that she bolted from the room.
~~~~
Shutting the door, she gripped the cool marble of the sink. She focused on it, the coolness, the way the earth within it sang to her, hoping it would calm her racing thoughts.
This wasn’t like her, the avoidance, the anxiety.
Groaning, she raked a hand through her hair. It was at that moment that she finally caught a look at herself in the mirror. It seemed as if it was the first time she had really seen herself in a long time. The bags under her eyes, the slight hollow to her cheeks, the remains of the flush against her abnormally pale skin, she looked like crap. No wonder everyone had been tiptoeing around her lately, and Lee had barged into her office, demanding she see a healer.
Suddenly it all flooded right back, crashing into her and nearly knocking out the breathe she had finally gotten under control. The pregnancy.
For the first time she glanced down at her abdomen, nothing looked different, it was still too early. And yet, that would all change soon enough. She was going to have a baby.
Was she?
She groaned and crouched down on knees, the one position she somehow felt safe in. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to get her racing heart under control once again, when the door slowly creaked open.
“Please.” She whispered, “I can’t do this right now.”
“What can’t you do?” He was crouched in front of her. When had he gotten there? “Lin please talk to me.”
It was at that moment that she finally felt tears well up in her eyes. She had tried so hard to be strong, to get herself under control, to be the hardened chief Beifong everyone expected her to be. But at that moment, she was Lin. Just Lin, and it scared her. Nothing good ever came when she was just Lin.
They sat there, crouched together on the bathroom floor. Lee gripping her arms, trying to keep Lin grounded, from retreating into herself. And Lin, holding onto that grip, feeling further from herself than she had felt in a very long time.
It was after a long moment that she sucked in a breathe as she carefully aligned the words on her tongue. She knew what she had to say, deep down what she wanted to say, she just hoped the words were the right ones.
Looking up, she squeezed Lee’s hands. She had come to her decision. Not the decision Chief Beifong should make, but the decision that she, Lin, wanted to make.