Chapter Text
Once upon a time, there were some crackheads who joined a jojo server.
Mari was queen of his server, who everyone loved. THough, one day mari pulled out something long, and purple.
" st r a p" Liz said.
IT INDEED WAS A STRAP WHICH CAUSED EVERYONE TO GO ABSOLUTELY FERAL IN THIS FUCKING SERVER OK.
Val, Hyde and Mari decided to have a threesome where they all got the strap from Mari. It was MAGICAL. NO ACT ON EARTH COULD BE MORE BEAUTIFUL.
Anyways
After the strapping, everyone who is active on the server decided to go to taco bell.
Bryan's brother was waiting for Hyde in the back parking lot,
Val was planning out how to descriptively write responses while moaning loudly into a mic,
Karen faded away into the darkness with baby dio,
Kiwi and Bryan were having a casual conversation with each other about jotakak,
Mari and Hyde- well- they couldnt believe that somehow, their jojo bbu's were physically there and present. They gazed at Jonathan and Abbacchio, almost crying.
liz, well liz was on the floor crying because Caesar and Bruno were there.
THATS NOT THE POINT OK
anways-
"YOU WANNA GO???"" Hyde screamed at Bryan's brother for some reason. I FORGOT WHY THEY WANTED TO FIGHT BUT OK HERE THEY ARE
"HMMM NO YOU DONT" AN ENEMY STAND USER HAS APPEARED???? NANI???? WHO WAS THIS WOMAN THAT BLOCKED HYDE'S ATTACKS AND SL A P P E D HYDE???
"You thought you were going to fight Bryan's brother, but it was I, HIS MOM!"
instantly, there was menacing signs surrounding the woman and diavolo, on heelies- slid by on heelies, with cocaine around his nostrils. Ignoring the whore in the background, Hyde gasped as suddenly, Jonathan appeared, pushing the woman out of the way- causing her to knock out after hitting diavolo and killing him.
"Hyde, my son- are you alright? Let me wrap you up in a blanket and cuddle you."
thats what he did. Jonathan wrapped up hyde in a smol blanket, cradled him in his gigantic arms. "C-can you gib goodnight kiwss" hyde asked as he looked up at Jonathan. "Anything for you babey."Jonathan gave Hyde a lil kiss on the forehead, cuddling the manchild in his arms.
MEANWHILE, INSIDE-
liz was still dying- this aint about them
Val, still moaning was asking mari to stap him-
mari of course told val to wait, and instead was too bust trying to seduce Abbacchio to give him the strap. "Abbacchio-" mari started, shyly looking towards abbacchio, who was just drinking his wine as usual. "You will refer to me as daddy sex lord beast."
Mari just was s h o o k, and agreed. "Daddy sex lord beast, C-CaN I Strap you? W-with my strap?" He hesitated, and shrugged, this wasnt a cannon jojo character so what the hell. Mari proceeded to give Abbacchio the strap under the taco bell table. Val was looking at the scene- f u r I ou s that mari strapped the fictional character before himself, a hole. "Mari!!! I haven't gotten strapped in w e e k s!!!" Mari stopped for a second, "In a second Val, gotta make daddy sex lord beast my bitch."
Zorro and merc, being the only two semi-normal ones, were having tea with the other Italian part 5 characters that could care less about what the crackheads were doing.
The end.