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I wake up to a soft humming and feather soft touches and kisses on my back and neck and I feel so blissfully sleepy, it's wonderful. I haven't felt like this, so carefree and happy, since ages. I don't think I want to open my eyes just now, I just want to soak this right in and store it away somewhere in my brain so that I can pull back this warm feeling from my mind and go through it when I am feeling like shit.
As I start leaving my sleepy state of being and entering one that is more concious, I listen more intently to the song Baz is singing softly under his breath. It takes me a minute to get it and I almost stop breathing for a second.
I am positive that Baz thinks I am sleeping.
Which is why he is humming ‘You are my sunshine’ under his breath as he passes his hands through my hair and traces the moles and freckles on my back with his fingers, while I keep my eyes shut and try to keep my breathing even. I don't want Baz to know that I am up. I don't want him to stop singing.
It's taking all of my willpower to not start smiling giddily or giggle or cry or do all of the above, because Baz hardly ever gets this soft. I mean yeah, he does get soft, he sometimes gets so soft I can hardly believe that this is the same Baz who had pushed my down the fucking stairs in Watford, but I don't remember any other time when I woke up with him spooning me and singing a beautiful song like that for me under his breath and sounding so blissfully happy.
It's in moments like these, when I feel immensely glad for getting my wings and tail removed because that means there is no barrier between me and Baz. It's in moments like these when I fully realise just how much I am in love with Baz. It's in moments like these when I get to see how incredibly gentle he really is, and not cold like he portrays himself to be.
Crowley, I am honestly going to melt into a puddle in the next five minutes if he doesn't stop, but if I am being honest, I don't mind. I could die right now and I would be happy because it feels like heaven to have Baz's arm my waist and his legs entwined with mine.
Baz presses a soft kiss on my back and I can't help but shiver a little and the singing stops abruptly. I whine involuntarily in protest, missing his beautiful voice and his warm breath and suddenly, I can feel how he has practically stopped breathing.
“You're- you're awake?” He asks in a panicked whisper, though I can hear his efforts to sound cool and confident.
“Mhmm. I have been for a long time.”
“Oh.”
He sounds so embarrassed, that I actually feel kind of mad at myself for making him feel like that, even though he shouldn't feel like that at all because I was loving it so much. I should just tell him that so he can go back to doing that.
I shift and roll over and now I am facing him and in the morning light, with his eyelids slightly drooped, his mouth a little open, a hint of red gracing his cheeks, his hair all mussed up and a lock of it falling in front of his face, he looks so beautiful, my heart kind of stops beating for a second. I will never understand how I didn't notice how gorgeous Baz is. Or maybe I did, but I was too busy trying to imagine that he was out for my blood.
I lean forward instinctively and kiss him softly, hardly able to stop myself. Although he kisses me back, I can feel how hesitant he is and how embarassed he is feeling at getting caught singing because he thinks he has a terribly annoying voice which sounds like shit when he sings but I differ. He sounds like a fucking angel.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
I can't sing as well as Baz, I am a bit off key and sound nasally (probably), but he is still staring at me with something in his eyes that doesn't show amusement at my crap singing abilities, it's just love. Only love.
Then he is leaning towards me and kissing me, his hands like a steel band around my waist, and his lips soft and out of a dream. Sometimes, when I am kissing him like this, I can't help but feel so immensely thankful to have him.
He says I am like the sun but as I kiss him, slowly, taking all the time I have and soaking him in, I realise that for me, he really is my sunshine and maybe that sounds very cheesy and sappy but it's true.
He is my everything and I love him so much.