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“You’re trembling.”
Tony startled at Steve’s voice. As soft and as low as it was, it still cut through his thoughts and brought Tony back into the present. His eyes snapped up and they locked onto Steve’s where he saw the other man looking down at him with a small smile.
As it always was, Steve’s whole face was open, emotions laid bare for all to see.
“Yeah,” Tony admitted, catching his bottom lip between his teeth. He took a deep breath to steady himself, though it didn’t really work. Laying his feelings on the table had never come easy to the Stark men, and standing in front of Steve was only making it worse. Tony didn’t need to look down at his body to know that he was shaking like a leaf in a storm; he could feel his hands trembling where they hung loosely at his sides and his knees already felt weak just from one locked gaze. “I’m nervous.”
“Hey,” Steve said in an almost whisper as he took a step forward until he was standing almost toe to toe with Tony. He lifted a hand and took Tony’s arm in his hold gently, his thumb rubbing in slow circles to offer a small ounce of comfort as he kept his eyes on Tony’s. “It’s just me.”
Tony relaxed into the touch minutely and a smile spread across his face as though it couldn’t be stopped if he’d tried. “I know,” he said and lifted his own hand to cover Steve’s. He squeezed it lightly in a silent ‘thank you’ before his eyes dropped to the floor and he sighed. “I know it’s you, but this is… It’s–”
“It’s different now,” Steve finished for him.
Tony’s head lifted up again and he nodded as he gestured out to one side with his other hand. “Exactly. I’m not sure – I mean, I don’t know what I’m doing, Steve. This is new. This is scary.”
Tony and Steve had been building up to something for a long time and it seemed to have finally reached its climax. They had grown from strangers to colleagues to friends before they had hit whatever this was.
It had been a first meeting with incorrect preconceptions and a slightly too-tight handshake that had unknowingly set the wheels in motion. It had grown from a vicious hatred and avoidance to sitting across from each other in briefing meetings, their eyes flickering away when the other looked over, scared to be caught staring but not actually wanting to stop ogling. It had become sparring and training sessions that had given way to coffee dates, which had then somehow started to turn into shared meals or movie nights.
Somewhere along the line it had become something deeply special, something that nobody could have predicted but all were intrigued by. Battles seemed to be won easier when Steve and Tony communicated better, training sessions ran smoother when the two men weren’t trying to beat the other into the ground. They protected the other; looked out to make sure that each of them had managed a full night’s sleep or eaten a whole meal at least once a day.
It had spread further and eventually the whole team had started to meet up for dinners and bonding days more and more until they tried living together.
The thought of all of that burning into the ground and crumbling to dust if he made one tiny, stupid mistake had Tony’s heart jumping into his throat.
“This is a lot different,” Tony said, hating the way he stuttered a little as he tried to find the right words. He was supposed to be good with words, meant to remain strong under pressure. “Do you know what I mean? It’s real; it’s gone from a harmless little flirt to admitting that there’s something here… It’s, it’s–,” Tony rubbed a hand over his face and shrugged as he huffed a self-deprecating laugh. “I’m not sure what it is.”
“It’s good?”
Tony lifted his eyes to Steve’s at the hesitant words and he gave an almost incredulous look to the other man. “Obviously it’s good,” Tony said simply, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. “It’s amazing.”
And it was.
Even though it wasn’t defined or set in stone, it was somehow everything that Tony had wanted but wasn’t sure that he would ever get. It was the kind of relationship that people dreamt about having, a perfect fantasy that Tony still wasn’t sure was real. Despite how much he wanted it and how happy Steve made him with a single look, Tony was terrified of admitting that there was actually something there; that what he was feeling was love.
He didn’t do relationships, didn’t do the whole commitment thing. As much as he craved it, he had always held himself back. Tony was convinced that as soon as he said it out loud, the first time that he let whatever was building up in his heart spill out to the forefront so that everyone could see it, everything would come crashing down around him, leaving his heart smashed and his life in ruins. It was dramatic as hell, but it was love and that’s what love did to a person. It made them pathetic and dependent and scared. But it also made them happy.
The mere idea of it all made Tony’s heart want to sing and the way his whole body seemed to glow whenever he so much as thought of Steve’s name had actually started to annoy him.
“If it’s so good, let go,” Steve whispered and let his hand trail down Tony’s arm until he caught his hand. “Let yourself fall; I’m here.”
“Yeah?” Tony asked, his voice barely audible. He clutched Steve’s hand like a lifeline, eyes locked on Steve’s without even blinking.
“Yeah,” Steve promised, “and it’s only going to get better.”
Steve took a step forward, the move putting him almost nose to nose with Tony. He lifted his other hand to cup Tony’s neck and he twisted their fingers together even tighter. There was a long moment of anticipation as Tony pulled back ever so slightly to search Steve’s face intently. When he found the answer that he was looking for in the form of open affection and nothing but hope and assurance, Tony couldn’t have stopped himself from leaning forward and pressing his lips to Steve’s if his life depended on it.
The world could fall down around his ears and Tony would be safe. After all, Steve was there to catch him.