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Of all the places Nick could be when it happened, it had to be the campus library – the one place he was required to be silent, and therefore, rendered unable to freak out as he desired while the skin on his left hand began to tingle - warm, and pleasant. His eyes lock onto the patch of skin between his thumb and forefinger, watching as black ink appears, scrawly letters forming a word; Star-crossed.
Nick's heart skips.
He has a soulmate. Somehow, there was a person out there meant for him.
The thought makes his skin crawl.
It wasn’t that Nick was opposed to soulmates in general, he just couldn’t imagine that someone like him was meant for anybody.
He knew lots of people, charmed and used them, but he never felt like he'd truly connected with anyone besides his sister. He was a struggling addict with a messed up family, a drug dealer best friend, and an ex who had a way of sparking life in him at his lowest points whenever they reunited in rehab, but their love all felt conditional at this point.
For his mother and his step-dad Travis, it was conditional on his sobriety, while for Cal and Glo it was embracing the craving under his skin, the insatiable itch for more, more, more.
Love from a soulmate was pure, unconditional – in either romance or friendship - and they were bound for life, even during the worst of times because a half could not truly hate that which made it whole. Soulmates were magnetic, and sometimes repulsive, but they always had a way of staying in each other’s lives, either on purpose or by the will of whatever force decided two people belonged together.
And Nick had someone out there meant for him. He wasn’t sure how to react to this information, but it makes him curious what type of person was on the other end of this magical tether.
Would they be normal? Would they be an addict? Would they be the type of person who had their whole life planned out, or would they be the go with the flow type? Would they be a beautiful girl, a gorgeous boy, or completely uninterested in gender as a construct? Would they be sane or a little unhinged? Would they be able to match Nick at his worst or crumble under the cruelty he could spew in withdrawal?
The curiosity is what makes him decide to draw on his wrist and let his soulmate know that he exists.
A star. A small, uneven star appears on Troy’s left wrist and his breath catches, the buzz of the café fading, his whole world coming down to the drawing on his wrist.
He has a fucking soulmate.
It’s as fascinating as it is terrifying.
He’s lived most of his life feeling alone, unwanted, and now there's someone out there meant to be by his side, to want him in any and every way. Though, if he was a betting man, he'd put all his money on his soulmate being his enemy. People didn’t like to talk about that particular soulmate type, opting for the fluffier best friend, spouse, playful rival type often portrayed in movies and on TV shows, but they existed.
It wasn’t that Troy was a cynic, or at least, he didn’t mean to be, but he'd learned a long time ago that no one could ever truly love him. His mother hated him from the moment he was born to her last, rasping breath, his father too, and his brother…well, Jake was still actively trying, but sometimes, Troy felt more like a burden to him than he did his little brother. If his own family couldn’t love him, why would anyone else?
So, it stood to reason that he would be in the two percent of people whose soulmate was their enemy. Enemies made sense, even if rare, because like love, friendship, and rivalry there lied an undercurrent of obsession – a need for that one person to remain alive and nearby.
The prospect excited Troy. He would finally have a connection that could never be tainted, a person that could match the worst parts of him.
He grabs his pen and draws two smaller stars under the one his soulmate drew, on the opposite sides, matching the top point to the bottom of the bigger one so they form a triangle. Once that’s done, he packs up his laptop, grabs his coffee and goes to his dorm.
He's going to slowly coax his soulmate out, build up trust, and then, after his finals, he’ll set up a meet, expecting it to go as well as two starved lions meeting in the coliseum once they’re in the same room.
When he reaches his dorm, he feels another tingling sensation on his wrist.
He watches in awe as more stars appear, like his own personal night sky on his forearm, and then two sentences underneath; Our own starry night. We put Van Gogh to shame.
Troy doesn’t get it at first, his life on his family ranch not a very educational experience, but he googles it on his phone and laughs. This was going to be very interesting.
Two days after discovering he has a soulmate finds Nick running across campus to print out his English assignment that’s due in fifteen minutes. He rushes into the library, colliding with someone as he rounds the corner and falling on his ass, something warm landing all over his right pant leg.
“Sorry!” He apologizes to the man he ran into, taking in the scattered pages of an assignment and an empty coffee cup laying in between them. His breath catches when he looks up at the stranger, piercing blue eyes meeting his.
He’s gorgeous, Nick thinks, eyes roaming over a sharp jawline, patchy facial hair, plump, soft looking lips, and short curly hair. He’s older, though not by much if Nick had a guess.
“You fucking ruined my assignment!” The man exclaims, interrupting Nick's appreciation of him.
Nick's gaze slips down to the coffee-stained papers. Right. He starts collecting the pages. “I’m so fucking sorry man, I’m just in a hurry.”
The man scoffs and rips the pages out of Nick's hands. “And I’m not?” He starts collecting the rest of the pages.
“I apologized, what else do you want from me?”
“Clean this up while I go print out another copy.”
Nick really doesn’t have the time, but this was his fault so he says, “Fine, but save me the computer when you’re done.”
“Fine.” The man walks off.
Nick informs one of the student librarians of the coffee spill and they hand him some paper towels to clean it up. He soaks up all the coffee, throws away the paper towels in the bathroom and rushes over to the printing station, furious when he sees all the computers taken, gorgeous stranger nowhere in sight, now only having ten minutes left to print out his paper and book it across campus to his English class.
He doesn’t make it, and his fury only increases when he stares into the locked lecture room to see the stranger sitting a few rows back from his usual seat.
Asshole.
Troy’s eating and doing his math assignment when the stranger from the day before sits down opposite him in the booth. He looks at him expectantly, though he isn’t sure what the guy wants.
“You’re an asshole, you know that?” The guy says.
Troy shrugs, swallowing, then takes another bite of his turkey sub.
“I’m probably going to fail now because of you.”
“You should really watch where you're going next time,” Troy tells him, mouth full.
The guy makes a face, brown eyes hard and full of anger. He’s beautiful, really, soft, tan skin, long slicked back hair, a mischievous curve to his mouth by default. He’s dressed like he raided the geriatric ward, but it works for him despite his youth.
Troy swallows and adds, “Besides, if missing one assignment is that dire to your grade, you were probably going to fail anyway and that’s not my fault.”
He scoffs. “Wow. You’re an even bigger dick than I thought.”
“Yeah. Can I go back to eating my lunch now?” Troy asks.
He gestures for him to go ahead, but doesn’t leave.
Troy sighs internally. “If you’re expecting some sort of apology, you’re not going to get it.”
The man shakes his head. “I know you won’t apologize, but I do have one question for you before I leave.”
“What?”
“What’s your name?”
“Troy.”
“I’m Nick, and if I fail because of you, Troy, I’m going to be a pain in your ass for the rest of the semester.”
Troy snorts. As threats go, it wasn’t very intimidating. “Whatever.”
Nick smiles, fake and full of promise, before he slides out of the booth.
Troy watches him leave, wondering what the guy could do to instill such confidence in his weak threat. He goes back to his work.
Twenty minutes later, a doodle of a rat appears on his left wrist, and something tries to break through his thoughts, but it slips away before it can manifest fully. He draws back a wheel of cheese, and goes on with his day, the encounter with Nick slipping to the back of his mind.
Nick smiles at the cheese next to his doodle of a mouse. He'd been thinking of Troy, and the threat he made, as he read the fable of Androcles and the Lion, intending to be the thorn in Troy's metaphorical paw, when the fable of the Lion and the Mouse – one of his last minor English assignments - popped into his head.
He wonders idly if Troy has his own Androcles or mouse to come to his aid or if he’ll even get to be the thorn. Considering his history with this particular professor, he thinks there's a good chance of it.
He doesn’t mean to be so dramatic about all of this, but something about that Troy guy sets him off.
Troy’s eyes land on Nick as he walks into their English class. He’s wearing an ugly, long-sleeved sweater, looking frayed and like he'd rather be in bed. Troy waves at him and gets a middle finger in response. He just laughs.
He continues to watch Nick in between taking notes and listening to the professor lecture about fables and their effectiveness of conveying morals. Nick struggles to stay awake, half-assing his notes, and drinking desperately from his water bottle. It’s no wonder why one missed major assignment could destroy his grade.
After class, Troy heads to his science course, taking extensive notes, and ignoring the tingle on his left arm until he heads to the cafeteria for lunch. He smiles when he sees the words can't sleep. He draws a sheep and gets the response One a moment later.
He draws another.
Two.
He draws five more before he gets, goodnight.
Alicia Skypes Nick a week after he finds out about his soulmate, and he doesn’t mean to tell her, but she sees the doodles on his arms - a cartoonish lion, a bloody sword, a rose, the words COFFEE and GO MAKE SOME marring his skin.
“You got your soulmate tether?!” She exclaims excitedly. “When did that happen?”
Nick tucks his arm against his stomach self-consciously. “Yeah, um, last Tuesday.”
Alicia had gotten her soulmate tether last year. She'd been sitting on top of the high school with her boyfriend, talking about the future as he drew some kind of rose on her forearm. They were ecstatic when the same drawing appeared on his skin moments later, a perfect copy on the same exact spot. Nick had been happy for her, but it had only cemented the idea he wasn’t meant for anyone.
“And you didn’t call me?” She questions, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair.
He shrugs. “I’ve been processing.”
“I guess that’s a good reason,” She huffs.
“Speaking of soulmates, how’s Matt?”
“He’s fine, but don’t think I’m letting you change the subject that easily,” She answers, expression impassive. “Now that you’ve had time to process, how do you feel?”
“I feel…” Nick considers the question a moment, then, “I was freaked out at first, and then curious and now I’m excited, but...also scared.”
“Scared?”
Nick untucks his arm, staring down at his left arm, the day's doodles a comfort. “I’m fucked up Leesh. I’m barely keeping myself together. How could I possibly be meant for someone? How could I be any good for them?”
Alicia is quiet a moment, and then, “Nick, you’re a goddamn mess of a person,” She says, and his eyes shoot up to look at her slightly distorted image, “You’ve made me hate you, you’ve made me sick of loving you, you’ve disappointed me so many times, but I still don’t know what I’d do without you. You’ve got a big heart, and you care too much, and that’s why you try so hard to numb yourself. Dad died, and Mom couldn’t handle it, and she took it out on both of us, but you got the worst of it because you’re the favorite. And you’ve done nothing but destroy yourself time and time again, but you want to know what I still see when I look at you?”
Nick's throat is constricting, so he nods.
“I still see my big brother getting on stage with me at the talent show when I forgot the words and saving the day even though he didn’t know the words either. I still see my best friend who helped me nurse a bird back to full health. I see the guy who would sneak me ice cream late at night, and hold my hand during horror movies and make me chicken noodle soup when I was sick. I see the person who's so full of life it breaks his own heart. You aren’t perfect, Nick, but I know first hand that you can be good for someone because you’ve always been good for me.”
Nick cries. He cries and Alicia doesn’t let him end the call until he knows at his core that he deserves to be happy.
After, he stays at his desk, loading up Blackboard so he can check his grades. He draws a heart on the back of his palm. He's not ready to meet his soulmate, but he can try to get to know them until he is.
The screen loads, and he's failed English for the last grading period. Rationally, he knows it's not really Troy's fault since he was already so close to failing already, but that paper had been his last chance to cement a passing grade and because he had to wait for a computer to free up, he'd missed the deadline and that was Troy's fault.
His soulmate responds by drawing a sword through the heart.
Not a fan of love? Nick writes on his forearm.
Love isn’t a fan of me, his soulmate writes back.
But I am.
His soulmate doesn’t respond, and he fears he came on too strong, but when he wakes up the next morning He finds a small t chart under all of yesterday's doodles, the words number of fans, and number of enemies written on top, a line splitting the categories. There’s one tally mark under fans, and four under enemies.
Not a good ratio, his soulmate has written.
Nick grabs a pen off his nightstand.
Everyone has to start somewhere.
Troy can’t help his smile at the words. Admittedly, having a soulmate was a lot nicer than he expected, igniting something warm in his chest with every doodle, every word. He’s still sure that his soulmate type is enemies, and thinks all of this pleasantness will die once they’ve met, but he wants to enjoy this while he can. After all, wasn’t it betrayal from your friends and loved ones that sparked the greatest hatred?
“Are you even listening to me?”
Troy's pulled back to Jake's apartment, the breakfast set before him, and his brother’s unsmiling face. He turns his arm flat against the table. “Yeah, you were just saying how I was a great disappointment, got to try harder, blah blah blah.”
Jake huffs. “If you'd actually been listening you'd know that I was saying how proud I was of you for passing all of your classes so far.”
Troy frowns. “You’ve been checking my grades?”
“Just for the sake of your scholarships.”
Troy nods. Jake always means well, but he can be a little overbearing sometimes.
“What were you looking at anyway?”Jake questions.
Troy sees no point in hiding it so he shows his arm to Jake – briefly enough so he can’t read the words, but still see the doodles.
Jake's eyes widen. “Did you…you have a soulmate?”
Troy snatches up a piece of bacon, “Yup,” he says, before biting into it.
Jake proceeds to spend the rest of breakfast bombarding him with questions, and he answers half of them before he goes to class, surprised to see Nick sitting in his usual spot.
“Take it you failed,” Troy says, coming to a stop next to him.
It wasn’t framed as a question, but Nick nods anyway.
He’s wearing sunglasses, a tank top with this weird long-sleeved white half shirt over it and baggy jeans.
“Not gonna move?”
Nick shakes his head and takes a sip from some too sweet, milkshake looking drink from Starbucks.
Troy rolls his eyes, and sits down in the chair next to his usual one, tugging at the sleeve of his shirt unconsciously. He didn’t want this brat to know he had a soulmate or anyone for that matter. After the way Jake reacted, it felt too personal of a thing to share. “At least you were on time today,” he mutters.
Nick's glasses hide it, but Troy can tell he’s glaring at him.
Nick goes to the bathroom after his second class of the day and washes off his arm, scrubbing away the ink staining his arm, then heads to the cafeteria to get lunch. He buys himself his a meatball sub, a macadamia nut cookie, and a bottle of water and heads to the dining area where he spots Troy.
It's only eleven so there’s still plenty of empty tables, but he makes a beeline for Troy's table.
He sets his stuff down, and slides into the booth, Troy already looking annoyed.
“This is your big plan then? Steal my seat, sit at my booth.”
Nick shrugs. “Said I’d be a pain in your ass, not that I’d destroy you or anything.”
Troy laughs incredulously, as if the idea of Nick destroying him is laughable. “You’re fuckin’ weird,” he says.
Nick doesn’t respond, and they settle into silence. Nick eats his sub while Troy works on some assignment, occasionally remembering he has his own food. It's actually kind of nice and Nick realizes then how lonely he is.
After he eats, he pulls out his own laptop and while it boots up, he rolls up the sleeve of his shirt and draws a star. He stares at his arm, willing for his soulmate to respond, to remind him he’s not as alone as he feels.
He gets a star next to his in response and smiles.
There you are, he thinks.
Words appear shortly after and he bites back a laugh when he reads, my review of Romeo & Juliet.
Nick pulls down his sleeve, and starts working on his latest English assignment, doing his best to subtly annoy Troy. He types too loud, makes more noise than necessary when he moves his trash out of the way, keeps dropping his cap every time he takes a sip of water, and keeps his phone on the table so it vibrates aggressively with every notification. Oddly, though, what actually gets to Troy is something he wasn't even aware he was doing.
“Stop humming!” Troy exclaims suddenly.
Nick looks up him in confusion. “What?”
“I’m trying to concentrate, but all I can hear is your damn humming!”
Nick, remembering that the whole purpose of sitting here was exactly this reaction, says, “Then go somewhere else!”
Troy scoffs. “No! I was here first and I’m not leaving!”
Nick crosses his arms. “Neither am I!”
They glare at each other for a very long time, and a spark of desire shoots through Nick. He looks away first, but doesn’t leave the booth. He starts working on his assignment again and so does Troy.
They don’t speak again, and eventually go their separate ways for class.
He draws three more stars on his arm.
My review of you, He writes.
He gets a reply halfway through class. You don’t know me.
I will .
And I’ll know you too.
The words aren’t meant to be ominous, but they are.
Two weeks.
Nick has sat with Troy everyday for two weeks. In class, it’s not such a big deal considering the worst the thing Nick does is copy his notes when he misses something, but at lunch it's his incessant humming, his phone vibrating violently, and the constant click of his keyboard. He’s one Candy Crush notification from strangling Nick in broad daylight.
But he can’t let him win.
So. When Nick starts humming that day, he puts in ear buds, turns his music up as loud as it can go and pretends he isn’t there. It works for blocking out Nick, but no so much for keeping him focused on his assignments. He gets frustrated after awhile, and has to turn it off, deciding to finish off the last of his turkey sub before he tries again.
Nick is humming still, absorbed in work, his eyes darting over his laptop screen, his lips twitching with unspoken words. Troy still thinks he’s beautiful, but he'd never admit it to the brat.
Nick catches him staring and the humming stops, but he doesn’t seem to mind Troy watching him. They both watched each other sometimes when they needed a break, or just a second to think. “Have you decided on the moral for your fable yet?” he asks.
Troy nods.
“What is it?
“Better strange freedom than blind obedience.”
Nick tilts his head curiously. “What animals are you using?”
“Sheep.”
Nick hums.
“Have you picked a moral?” Troy asks.
Nick shakes his head. “Got any suggestions?”
Troy eyes him, and idea forming in his head. “If I help you pass this last grading period, will you leave me alone?”
Nick considers the question, probably debating on if getting help was as equally satisfying as getting under Troy's skin. After a moment, he nods. “If you help me pass, I’ll leave you alone.”
“Good…Complacency strikes just as hard as violence.” He can practically see an idea manifest in Nick's eyes, and it makes him curious, but he refuses to appear interested in the other man. “Was that good or do you want more?”
“No it’s...perfect actually.” Nick starts typing.
Troy finishes his sandwich, sighing internally as Nick's humming starts up again. He opens his laptop and looks at his arm, but it’s a blank canvas. He's a little disappointed, but it wasn’t like they spoke everyday. He didn’t know what his soulmate did, but they seemed just as busy as him.
He continues working on his fable, until Nick asks about one of their online assignments that he helps him finish before they part for their next classes.
Can I ask you something? His soulmate asks.
Shoot.
Are you a girl?
No, why?
Troy doesn’t receive an answer until after his last class of the day when he feels tingling on his chest. He makes a quick stop to the nearest bathroom.
Made you look, he makes out on his bare chest.
Troy huffs a laugh. He goes into the stall, drops his pants and pulls out a pen. He writes the word Dick on his inner thigh, collects himself and leaves, grinning to himself. He feels his thigh tingle pleasantly the entire walk to his dorm.
He locks the door behind him and takes off his pants, almost crying with laughter when he sees a badly drawn penis spanning the length of his left thigh. He grabs a marker off his desk and asks, Are you a guy? on his stomach.
The back of his palm tingles. Yes.
Troy sits on his bed, stretching out his legs before he writes, Want to play a game of hangman?
Sure.
Troy sets up the game on his right leg then writes, Go! on his stomach. He switches where he writes the wrong letters constantly as the games goes on, getting a few that tickles! from his soulmate.
In the end, his soulmate hangs.
What was it?
The name of where I grew up.
Tell me.
No.
:( Fine then it's your turn to guess.
Troy spends ten minutes guessing, body tingling, but he hangs too.
What was it?
My full name.
Troy's heart skips. He’s just lost out on a vital piece of information. Tell me.
No :)
Troy pulls down his boxers a little, and draws a sad face on his hip. He feels a tingle on his right ass cheek after a minute and gasps. He gets up and after some awkward bending he finds ;D drawn on his skin.
He grabs his marker and draws a line on his cheek just so his soulmate can feel how weird it is.
A few seconds later his arm tingles. Whoa.
Feels weird, right?
His palm tingles. Yeah, then his wrist. Have to go now. Have a meeting.
Bye.
Troy stares at the writing all over his body, fascinated by the look of his soulmate's sloppy handwriting and the way it looks on his tan skin. He feels this unfamiliar spark of something in his chest. This thing he had with his soulmate flowed so easily, and he feels saddened by the prospect of winter break coming in a month and a half became he already doesn’t want to give this up.
Nick stares at himself naked in the mirror, smiling at all the things marking his skin. Part of him is sad to wash it all away, and another part is excited by all the new things he’ll be making room for. Talking to his soulmate or even just doodling wordlessly to him never fails to lift his spirits.
He gets in the shower, scrubbing every inch of his skin until he’s a mostly blank canvas. He covers what he couldn’t get off with an old hoodie and sweatpants before he goes to NA. He listens to a new member speak, and collects his ninety day chip at the end.
He won’t lie and pretend it's been easy staying clean, and though his course load and talking to his soulmate have helped exponentially, the quiet, free moments by himself still make his skin itch. He goes with his sponsor Victor to grab coffee, and chat about how he’s doing.
His left wrist tingles when they're both on their second cup and his eyes dart to it.
A sheep appears, then its wool gets colored in quickly. A black sheep.
“Soulmate?” Victor guesses.
Nick nods, but doesn’t let him see it.
“Have you met them yet?”
“No. We’re just enjoying what we have now.”
“Smart choice.”
Nick shoots him a curious look.
“I only mean that Soulmates or not, you’re still an addict struggling to get by and you know how bad a new relationship could turn out for you.”
Nick nods.
When he gets back to campus, he decides to go to the library to work on his homework and keep himself supplied with coffee. He planned to pull an all-nighter so he could skip his Friday classes, sleep in and enjoy his weekend.
After he gets his coffee from the adjoining twenty-four hour Starbucks, he searches for a spot to work and smiles when he sees Troy in one of the corners, sitting on a couch, laptop resting on his thighs, half-empty coffee on the table. He walks over and plops down on the couch wordlessly.
Troy frowns when he sees him, but he doesn’t say anything.
They work in silence, occasionally sipping at their coffee until Troy asks, “Do you need any help writing your fable before I go?”
Nick shakes his head. He saves his word document and starts packing up as Troy does. He'll finish the rest of his work in his room. “Want me to walk you to your dorm?”
Troy snorts. “I can protect myself, you on the other hand…”
Instead of getting offended, Nick says, “Guess that means you should walk me to my dorm then.”
Troy opens his mouth, probably to refuse, but just he just rolls his eyes and tells Nick to lead the way.
It’s a nice, cool night, the campus lit, but still dark in some areas. Nick didn’t mind the dark, and he wasn’t scared to walk alone at night, but it was fun to see what Troy would let him get away with.
“Got any plans this weekend?” Nick asks.
“Just going to get ahead on online assignments and clean my dorm,” Troy answers.
Nick hums. He never saw Troy with anyone, even when he happened to spot him around campus. “Friends didn’t want to drag you to a party?”
“I don’t have any friends,” Troy answers, seemingly unbothered by this fact.
“Do you mean here or…?”
“At all.”
Nick would offer to step in and take Troy to a party, but as a junkie, that really wasn’t allowed. “Good, then you can eat dinner with me on Saturday.”
Troy furrows his brow, looking uncertain so he adds, “And read over my fable to make sure it isn’t shit.”
“Fine,” Troy agrees. “Where do you want to meet?”
“The student center at seven. We’ll pick up our food and we can eat and work at my dorm.”
Troy nods. He doesn’t seem too enthusiastic.
Silence, as it often did, falls between them.
Nick decides to combat it by singing loudly, flitting around Troy in a half-hearted serenade, much to Troy's annoyance and reluctant amusement.
“It’s no wonder you needed me to walk you to your dorm. A killer heard you singing like that they'd be doing the whole campus a favor.”
Nick laughs. “Fuck off. I bet you can’t sing any better!”
Troy starts singing some old somber tune Nick's never heard, but is still pretty sure is being sung off-key.
He covers his ears and Troy flips him off, making him chuckle. He moves his hands off his ears and starts singing over Troy, until the older man catches him, clamping his hand over Nick's mouth.
“Stop or I’ll kill you myself.” His eyes are lit with amusement when he says it, lessening his intimidation factor.
Nick licks his palm, but Troy doesn’t move his hand until he bites it, jerking his hand away. “Fine, but only because my throat's getting sore.”
They quiet down, but there’s still a playful atmosphere around them as they walk, so Nick nudges into Troy roughly a couple of times, but when Troy does it back he almost goes flying into a bush. Troy catches him by the collar of his shirt and steadies him on his feet.
Nick turns to look at him with wide eyes. “Holy shit you’re strong.” He grabs Troy's arm, feeling the muscle through his thin shirt.
Troy appears a little embarrassed as he says, “I grew up on a ranch.” He doesn’t seem to care that Nick is shamelessly feeling him up.
Nick loops his arm through Troy's and presses on. “What was that like?”
Troy shrugs. “I loved it. There was always something to do, something to learn, or fix.”
“What was your favorite thing to do?”
Troy considers the question, seeming to struggle on naming only one thing, but eventually he lands on, “Boar hunts.”
“Boar hunts?”
Troy nods. “They were always wrecking the fences, digging up seeds. It felt satisfying to hunt them and eat their meat.”
Nick huffs. “And you called me weird.”
“You are weird, and annoying, and a terrible singer,” Troy tells him.
“Hey, I didn’t say it was a bad thing! If you like hunting boars, that’s fine with me, but you could at least accept my terrible singing.”
“No.”
Nick sighs dramatically. “You’ve been so mean to me since the moment we met boar boy.” They reach his dorm building and he tugs Troy inside.
“And you’ve been a pest. Just like the boars I hunt.”
“Are you threatening me?”
Troy eyes him up and down. “Not enough meat on your bones to be worth it.”
Nick gapes, mildly offended, and Troy smiles – actually smiles for the first time since they met – and wow he’s even more gorgeous when he does that. It’s a little dizzying and Nick has to look away.
They reach his room shortly after that, and he confirms his plans with Troy before he lets him leave.
Nick shucks off his sweatpants then sets up at his desk, staying up until three AM to clear his weekend of homework, then he looks up boars because Troy piqued his curiosity about them. He doesn’t get to bed until six AM, and ends up dreaming of Troy fighting a boar with his bare hands.
Troy writes death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit on his wrist, then, a few minutes later leaves a gap to write I ’ll survive, paranoid, I have lost the will to change.
His forearm tingles as he starts drawing a rabbit head in between the two different songs; ??
Song lyrics, he explains.
He waits patiently for a response, and after a minute feels his left thigh tingle. He’d been getting ready to meet Nick so his pants are still off and he watches patiently as lyrics appear; I tried to start caring like you and like them when you said that I was killing myself …I’ve killed everything but my shame.
He grabs his phone and looks up the lyrics. He finds the song and pulls it up on YouTube, listening to it as he gets dressed. It’s about suicide, drugs, and struggling to find the value in your own life. Or at least that what he gleans from his first listen.
He likes it.
He draws a straight razor on his forearm close to his elbow, then he pulls down his sleeve and buttons it up at his wrist. He grabs his phone and his keys, stuffing them in his pocket before he leaves.
He’s ten minutes early to meet Nick, and Nick shows up five minutes late, out of breath and wearing a long-sleeved blouse, pink fuzzy slippers, and basketball shorts.
“Sorry!” Nick apologizes. “I had to double back for my wallet.”
"It's fine.”
They get their dinner, some snacks for later, and a four pack of mocha Starbucks Frappuccinos, then head to Nick's dorm. Troy sits on Nick's bed while Nick puts away the drinks.
“Want to watch a movie?” Nick asks, setting their snacks on his desk.
“Sure.”
Nick grabs his laptop, placing it in the middle of the bed before he sits next to Troy. The bed isn’t very big so he’s pressed right along Troy's left side, but he doesn’t mind. He wasn’t a fan of strangers touching him in general, but Nick, despite being a pest, didn’t pose any threat to him.
And if Troy was just a little touch-starved, and liked the warmth of Nick's body against his, well that was his business.
They decide on some slasher flick they end up not paying much attention to.
Nick asks him more about boar hunting, spewing some facts he obviously learned recently about the animal, and it feels…it feels odd, but nice that Nick cared enough to look into something he mentioned. From there, Troy finds himself talking about the Ranch, sharing his hard lessons, and explaining more about how he took care of crops, cattle, and his father. He talks about his best friend Mike and their (mis)adventures around the large land they grew up on
He talks and talks, because Nick listens, he asks him questions and encourages him to keep going and it feels so nice to talk about this part of his life. Jake didn’t like to talk about Brokejaw Ranch, pretending it never existed in the first place. He only stops talking when Nick says,
“You must be excited to be going back for break.”
Troy looks down at his half-eaten cheeseburger. “I can’t go back,” he says solemnly. “My dad kicked the bucket last year and my brother sold off the Ranch.”
“Shit, I’m sorry man.”
Troy shrugs. “It's whatever.”
“You don’t have to brush it off like that,” Nick says. “It’s obvious how much you cared about the place. You can tell me how you really feel.”
Troy looks over at him, studying Nick's open face. He seems genuine. “I’m fucking pissed,” he admits.
“And?”
“Sad.”
“Because?”
“Because it was my home and Jake just sold it off like it was nothing!” Troy exclaims, buried emotions bubbling to the surface. “He left! He left to go to school while I took care of our home! I worked so hard everyday to keep that place running, I begged him to sign it over to me, but he refused! He sold it the highest bidder and I had no choice but to move in with him and do what he wanted me to do!”
Nick shifts on the bed, his knees digging into Troy's thigh. “He’s making you go to school?”
Troy nods. “He made me get my GED, and used his connections to get me a spot here. He wants me to go into Accounting of all things.”
“He never asked you what you wanted?”
Troy shakes his head. “But I don’t know what else to do without the Ranch.”
“You can’t buy it back one day?”
“The man who bought it hated my father and me because he claims we stole it.” Troy's heart feels heavy because Brokejaw Ranch would never be anything but a memory to him.
Nick places a hand on his knee, squeezing lightly. “I’m sorry you lost your home.”
It’s such a simple thing to say, but Troy hasn’t heard it once from Jake, or even Mike. Not that he’s even heard from Mike since he lost the ranch.
“Thank you,” Troy says quietly.
“For what?” Nick asks.
“For listening.” No one else had for over a year now.
“I know to you I’m just a pest who’s humming drives you up the wall, but I’ve been told I’m a great listener.” Nick says with a smile and Troy likes the curve of his mouth, the confidence he exudes.
“I think I’m getting used to the humming.”
“Yeah?”
Troy nods.
“Guess I’ll have to start singing then.”
“I will slit your vocal cords.”
Nick laughs. “I guess that’s better than being hunted down and eaten. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was starting to grow on you.”
Troy starts eating again and doesn’t comment, enduring Nick's smirk.
They go back to eating and watching the movie, Troy commenting on what he’d do as a killer while Nick listens and occasionally points out flaws in his logic. It's fun and when he’s done Nick starts talking about the type of killer he’d be then they switch to how they would outsmart each other and it’s completely ridiculous, but Troy loves every moment of it.
They don’t end up getting to Nick's fable, getting lost in the natural flow of conversation and matching curiosity about each other. He learns about Nick's family, his addiction, his father committing suicide, the abuse from his mother that came after, his friends Calvin and Gloria who he doesn’t speak to anymore, how he almost died over the summer, and how he goes to NA not because he’s afraid of dying, but because he wants to live for his sister until he can find a reason to live for himself.
In turn, Nick learns about the abuse he suffered from his own parents – getting locked in the basement, getting slapped, beat and shoved around, being hated by them – how Mike stopped answering his calls and texts after the ranch was sold, how he was smarter than people gave him credit for, how he can be impulsive, how he was kicked out of six different schools before his dad pulled him out.
On the surface, it seems like they tell each other everything, but really they’ve only told each other the things that happened to them and how they got through them. Who they are and who they want to be is still up in the air, but Troy finds himself getting excited at finding out the answers.
Troy almost forgets he has a soulmate until it’s five AM, he's lying in his own bed, and his palm tingles; I think I’ve made a friend.
He grabs the pen he always keeps on his nightstand now.
Me too, he writes.
Things shift between Nick and Troy after that.
Nick still tries to annoy Troy, but only when he's not working on assignments. They actually talk at lunch, help each other with their schoolwork, supply each other with coffee. They hang out on weekends, mostly spending time in Nick's dorm watching movies or just quietly studying near each other. It’s shockingly easy to become friends.
Troy, despite being an unapologetic asshole sometimes, was also extremely caring. He often forced Nick to sleep on days he showed up to class with dark circles under his eyes, and made him eat twice a day at the minimum. He would walk Nick back to his dorm at night, and give him his hoodie if he got too cold. He put up with Nick's ramblings, his smoking, his humming, the thoughtless touching, the lack of personal space between them, the lows and highs of Nick's moods,though he would not budge on the singing.
Nick takes it upon himself to make sure Troy has fun, forcing Troy to go to a football game, taking him to the aquarium, dragging him around the mall, and going to see a movie in an actual theater over the course of three weeks. He notices a reluctance in Troy to enjoy himself at the beginning of every hang out, but by the end he always appears relaxed, their normal bickering and spiraling conversations taking the tension out of his shoulders.
It feels good to have a friend that doesn’t need Nick high to like being around him.
Things shift between him and his soulmate too.
They continue making little doodles, jokes, writing song lyrics, asking question, playing games of hangman and it still feels so nice, a sort of shallow love slowly deepening over time. He’s almost ready to meet the person on the other end of this tether, his budding friendship with Troy giving him hope that someone can accept him as he is.
Two weeks before winter break, Nick finds himself slipping under the stress of school after a particularly upsetting conversation with Madison about failing two of his courses during the last grading period. He feels the familiar itching under his skin. He texts Troy to come over after dinner with his brother, then grabs a pen and doodles on every inch of his skin, no words, just animals and he ignores the are you okay? from his soulmate. He draws for over an hour, but the itching is still there so he takes a shower, scrubbing himself clean, rubbing his skin raw with near scalding water.
He feels almost manic, everything inside crying for him not to cave one instant, then asking if it would really be so bad to slip up, just a little, just once and then he could go on with business as usual the next.
Troy finds him sitting under the shower, lukewarm water spraying over him. He turns off the water, pulls Nick to his feet, and covers him with a towel. He doesn’t ask what’s wrong, just tells Nick to dry off and get dressed before exiting the bathroom.
Nick does as told on auto-pilot, twitching, his desire still flaring hot and uncontrollable under his skin. He finds Troy sitting on his bed, watching him with an unreadable expression.
“Brought you some leftovers,” Troy tells him evenly. “Jakey makes some amazing chicken Alfredo.”
Nick tries to say he isn’t hungry, but Troy looks between him and the food meaningfully so he eats the pasta, and drinks the coke waiting for him on his desk while Troy talks about his dinner with Jake. He focuses on the sound of Troy's voice instead of the words, his heart slowing to a steady beat, his twitching becoming infrequent and tolerable.
After he’s eaten, he joins Troy on the bed.
“You want to use.”
It’s not a question, but Nick nods anyway.
“Then you’re going to have to get through me.”
Nick smiles weakly, and grabs Troy's hand. He half-expects Troy to slip out of his grasp, but instead he twines their fingers, squeezing gently.
Troy goes off on a tangent about Sea World and how inhumane it was, especially compared to farming which actually served a purpose.
Nick rests his head on Troy's shoulder after awhile, just listening to him rant, taking comfort in the warm press of their bodies, the calloused thumb gently stroking the back of his hand. He ends up falling asleep, waking awhile later to Troy tucking him in.
“Stay,” he pleas quietly as Troy starts to walk away.
Troy looks down at him uncertainly, but still chooses to get into the bed when Nick scoots over to make room for him. He lets Nick curl into him, allows him lay half on top of him and to rest his head on his chest. “Goodnight, Nicky,” Troy says, rubbing his arm soothingly.
He's really glad to have someone like Troy watching over him.
They don’t talk about it the next day, or the day after that, but Troy finds that Nick becomes a lot clingier. He doesn’t mind really, but the closer he gets to Nick, the more he starts to panic about his soulmate.
He can’t deny that he feels something for Nick, something primal to protect him, something warm and intense in his chest every time he sees him. He's afraid this is what love feels like, and therefore something to be used against him. Troy doesn’t like being weak, but he is for Nick.
He doesn’t want to meet his soulmate anymore. He doesn’t want them to hurt Nick just to hurt him, but there’s still this undeniable pull towards them that prevents him from ignoring their tether completely.
His soulmate makes him laugh, makes him feel the same warm and intense feeling as Nick, but he knows it won’t last when they meet, and he’s just as afraid of losing his soulmate as he is Nick.
He doesn’t know what to do.
Even after Nick blurts out that he as a soulmate one day, and he admits to his own. It doesn’t change much between them, but now he feels a twinge of guilt when he says Nicky – a term of endearment disguised as a nickname - and he sees the hesitance in Nick's eyes when they hold hands.
They don’t acknowledge the blurred lines of their friendship – the cuddling, the texting, the need to be around each other – or talk about the private moments with their soulmates. And Troy thinks he has a handle on his growing feelings for Nick.
That is until they’re out one night, wandering around after watching a movie.
Troy runs into a store to piss, and grab them a bag of Doritos to share, and when he comes out he sees a guy whispering into Nick's ear, one hand gripping the back of Nick's neck. He feels something angry and bitter stir in his chest.
Nick pushes the guy away. “Not interested,” he says.
“C'mon Clark, twenty minutes and I’ll give you some of the good shit.” The guy grabs Nick's chin with his thumb and forefinger. “You know with that mouth of yours it probably won’t take that long.”
“Fuck off, Dante, I’m not sucking your dick,” Nick tells him angrily, jerking his head away from him.
Dante grabs Nick by the throat, and Troy surges forwards, rage flooding through him as Dante says, “Don’t act like you’re too good for me now you little cockslut.”
Troy grabs the back of Dante's hoodie, punching him square in the face when he turns to see who grabbed him. Once he starts he can’t stop. He throws Dante to the ground and wails on him. Dante tries to fight back but he can’t, and he doesn’t seem to take the hint to stop talking shit about Nick until he’s unconscious.
Troy feels a hand on his shoulder, and turns to see Nick looking at him with fear in his eyes. It cuts through the rage and adrenaline, and he stops.
Nick's hand slips from his shoulder and grabs his arm, pulling Troy off Dante. “Come on,” he says, “We have to get out of here.”
Troy hears sirens in the distance, and allows Nick to drag him away, feeling hollow because he knows how this ends.
Impulsive, unapologetic violence had always been Troy's greatest flaw whether it was justified or not. It was what had driven Mike away, it was what had led to him getting kicked out of school, it was what had caused an emotional rift between him and Jake and now it would be the thing to destroy his friendship with Nick.
Nick doesn’t stop until they’re several blocks away, pushing Troy into an alleyway, and he does something unexpected. He runs his hands all over Troy, turning his head this way and that. “Are you okay?” he asks, and when he meets Troy gaze he doesn’t see a hint of fear.
Troy nods.
Nick cups his right hand, gently prodding it.
He gasps at the sudden pain.
“Sorry,” Nick apologizes. He kisses the back of Troy's hand to emphasize the word and Troy's heart skips, the hollow feeling slowly melting away under Nick's gentle attention. “I’m going to call us a Lyft, we’ll make a stop at the pharmacy, and head back to the dorm.”
Troy nods, and Nick furrows his brow, lightly touching his face. “Hey man you’re not in shock or some shit are you?”
“No.”
Nick sighs in relief. He hugs Troy, slumping against him, and Troy wraps his arm around Nick, confused by how he was acting.
Nick only seemed to be worried about him, how he was feeling, and how to take care of him after what just happened. No one ever cared to check on him after the violence he'd done or the violence he endured – at least not since Jake emotionally checked out on him - but here was Nick, relieved that he was okay.
“Thank you,” Nick says. “I always hated that asshole.”
Troy laughs, surprising himself with the sound. It occurs to him then that the fear he saw in Nick's eyes wasn’t because of him, but for him. He squeezes Nick tightly, closing his eyes to shut out the tears he feels welling in them because the warmth he feels for Nick is now a fire burning in his heart.
Nick gets an Instagram DM from Calvin the next morning.
You don’t have to worry about Dante, it says.
Thank you, Nick messages back.
Calvin likes the message and Nick locks his phone as Troy comes in from the bathroom.
“Ready?” Troy asks.
Nick nods. He grabs Troy's uninjured hand and leads the way to the cafeteria. After they'd gotten back to Nick's dorm Troy explained how he'd always had anger and impulse control issues, and how it had affected him, how it had made Mike, and Jake scared of him.
Nick, unlike them, wasn't scared by the display of violence. Not because it was justified, but because he knows Troy would never hurt him. He'd told Troy as much and the soft smile he'd gotten in turn almost made him glad they ran into Dante.
Finals approach, and one day, Troy wakes up to I want to meet you on his wrist.
He thinks of Nick, and his beautiful, face, the way the his eyes crinkle when he laughs, the mischievous curve to his mouth that always makes it seem like he’s up to something.
But both his curiosity and the pleasantness he feels every time he interacts with his soulmate wins out and he writes back, Cabrillo Marine Aquarium, 12/ 9 /19, 2PM.
How will I know when I see you?
Troy looks around his room and he sees one of Nick's sweaters.
I’ll be the one in the ugly sweater under the giant whale skeleton.
Can’t wait.
Troy feels overwhelmed suddenly. He goes to Nick's dorm, and wordlessly stretches out on the bed. Nick curls up next to him after a moment. Something seems to be up with Nick too, but he doesn’t ask Troy what's wrong so he doesn’t pry either.
“You’re my best friend, Nicky.” He tells him after awhile.
“And you’re mine,” Nick says and he takes comfort in the intimacy of this moment before it has to end.
Three days before he's set to meet his soulmate, Nick catches himself staring at Troy's mouth as he reads him the final draft of his fable – a story of two black sheep being the only of their flock to survive a slaughter – and quickly looks down at their twined hands. He knows it's wrong to have this sort of intimacy with Troy when they both have soulmates, but he can’t seem to give it up.
He likes it, and he likes Troy and the way he makes him feel, and that he can touch him whenever he wants. He likes the way Troy smells – like cinnamon and green apples – likes the sound of his voice, and how he leans into every touch like he needs it too.
He knows that none of this is meant for him, but he’s too selfish not to take it while he can. He wishes Troy could be his soulmate.
Troy's hand slips out of Nick's and when he lifts his gaze he sees Troy take off his hoodie revealing a tank top underneath that exposes the muscles of his arms, the broad set of shoulders.
Nick's mouth goes dry. He starts feeling up Troy's left arm before he can reach for his laptop again. He feels Troy's muscles twitch under his hand.
“Like what you see?” Troy questions, sounding amused.
“Dude, you should show off your arms more.” Nick says, squeezing his arm.
“Why, so you can drool all over them?”
Nick's eyes shoot up to meet Troy’s. “I’m not drooling, I’m appreciating.”
“Here, let me get that for you.” Troy reaches over and swipes his thumb over Nick's bottom lip, pretending to wipe off saliva on his shirt.
Nick rolls his eyes. “Shut up.”
“Oh wait, I missed a spot.” Troy does it again, but this time Nick kisses his thumb and they both go very still.
Nick's heart starts to race. He doesn’t know what possessed him to do that, but he can’t say he regrets it when he sees Troy staring at his mouth, sees him lick his lips. He grabs Troy's wrist and gently kisses it, watching Troy for any sign that this isn’t okay.
“Nicky…” Troy breathes, his body twisting and gravitating towards Nick until their faces are inches apart, eyes closing, noses gently bumping into each other.
Nick feels like a livewire, his whole body tingling with anticipation. His soulmate flashes into his mind and he rests his forehead against Troy’s, eyes fluttering open. He’s supposed to meet his soulmate in a couple days and here he is about to kiss his best friend.
Troy's eyes open slowly, and he presses roughly into Nick's forehead. “I wish I could kiss you,” Troy whispers.
Once, Nick thinks. Just once and I can move on.
But Troy hugs him before he can make a move, pulling them flush together, resting his head on top of Nick's.
Nick does his best not to cry.
Troy sniffs Nick's ugly sweater, smelling cigarettes and honey. He closes his eyes, inhaling the scent with a twinge of sadness in his belly. He hasn’t spoken to Nick since the other day and he misses him so fucking badly, but things between them are too complicated now.
He’s going to meet his soulmate, and let their lives intertwine as they were meant to – as enemies. He hasn't talked to them since they set up the meet in preparation.
He only wishes that when Nick eventually meets his soulmate, that they love him as much as Troy does.
Nick looks around the aquarium nervously, wondering which of these people could possibly be his soulmate. He wishes he had told Troy about today, that he could meet his soulmate with his best friend by his side, but things are too messy between them now.
He’s a few minutes early, not wanting to be late to something this important, and his nerves are frayed. He finds the whale skeleton, a smattering of people loitering under it, and he’s so on edge he nearly misses the familiar pattern of one of his sweaters.
He stops dead in his tracks when he sees Troy standing directly under the whale skeleton, wearing one of his favorite sweaters that’s just a little too short for Troy. His luck couldn’t be this good, could it? Troy couldn’t actually be his soulmate…could he?
Nick pulls a pen out of his pants and writes Boar boy? on his palm. He watches as Troy looks down at his palm a few seconds later, frowning in confusion. He smiles, heart skipping when Troy looks around the room, his eyes eventually landing on Nick, but the frown doesn’t disappear.
Troy pulls a pen out of his jeans and writes Nicky? on his palm.
Nick holds up his left hand and nods, tears of joy welling up in his eyes.
Troy takes a step back in shock.
Nick walks over to him, grabbing Troy’s hand. “It’s you,” he says, sounding delighted to his own ears.
“And it's you,” Troy says in disbelief, awe coloring his expression.
It's Nicky.
Nicky is his soulmate.
But that couldn’t be right, could it?
Nicky wasn’t his enemy. Nicky was stubborn, blunt, and bit of an asshole, but he wasn’t arch-nemesis worthy. He didn’t want to destroy Troy, he wanted to annoy him, and drag him out of his shell and cuddle him when the day was long and drained his energy. He wanted to listen to Troy talk about anything and everything, and torture him with his awful singing and atrocious outfits.
Nick cups his cheek. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “Disappointed?”
He says it teasingly, but Troy hears the insecurity in his voice.
Troy slips his hand out of Nick's, then he grabs Nick's face, stepping closer. He feels nervous suddenly. He’s never kissed anyone before and doesn’t want to mess up his first kiss with Nick.
Nick smiles, and grabs his right wrist, guiding it to the back of his head. “Gonna kiss me or just stare at me all day?” he teases.
Troy huffs. “Who said I wanted to kiss you?” He drops his left hand from Nick's face, but before he can step away Nick pulls him into a soft kiss. There’s a bit of adjusting, but they find how they best fit together, the kiss deepening and taking away Troy's ability to over think it. His right hand tangles in Nick's hair, pulling lightly.
Nick pulls away after a moment, and Troy rests their foreheads together, unfettered delight washing over him as Nick gently pushes into him. “I’m glad that it's you,” Nick says.
Troy grins, so happy he could cry. “You know. I always thought my soulmate would be a pain in my ass and I was right.”
Nick chuckles.
Troy decides right then that he wants Nick forever and not as his enemy, but as his best friend and more. He always thought no one could ever love him, but the way Nick is looking at him right now makes him think he was wrong. He hopes he's wrong.
“I’m glad it's you too,” Troy tells him.
Nick kisses him again and Troy thinks he could die happy. When he pulls away again, he pulls on the front of the ill-fitting sweater. “You think this is ugly?” He questions.
Troy nods. “Half of what you wear is a fucking eye-sore.” Nick pouts, so he adds, “But at least it distracts everyone from your face.”
“Are you calling me ugly?”
Troy shakes his head. “Too beautiful for your own good.”
Nick smiles and takes a step back, grabbing Troy's hand. “Let’s look around, my gorgeous soulmate."
Troy grins and Nick has to wipe a tear off Troy's cheek.
Nick can’t stop looking, touching, or kissing Troy as they make their way through the aquarium. It made sense that it was Troy, the person he's connected with so easily despite their rocky start. Troy who took care of him, who came to his aid no questions asked, who was honest and unexpectedly sweet sometimes.
Nick leads Troy to the gift shop, begging Troy to buy him a whale plushie, and then they go out to eat at a restaurant, chatting giddily about whatever came to mind, before finally going to Nick's dorm. They make out on the bed, Troy pulling off the sweater when he gets too hot, and they settle onto the bed, Nick's head resting against Troy's chest, Troy's arm around him, rubbing his arm gently.
“Nicky?'
“Yeah?”
“You’re my boyfriend right?”
“Always,” Nick answers, looking up at him.
Troy shakes his head. “Can’t be.”
Nick furrows his brow. “Why not?”
“Cos you're gonna be my husband one day.”
Nick laughs and kisses Troy because he gets to do that now. He gets to do it forever.