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Alex wakes up to the sounds of a car screeching to a halt on the gravel, and a very familiar voice cursing as the door to the truck opened and shut.
Alex sighs rubbing his hands across his face and takes his time getting up, and slipping his prosthetic back on.
By the time he’s made it to the kitchen, it’s to see that Michael has let himself in and is raiding the liquor cabinet above the fridge.
Alex takes a deep breath and asks. “What are you doing here, Guerin?”
Michael throws him an incredulous look as though it’s obvious what he’s doing, taking a new bottle of whiskey down from the cabinet.
It’s the brand that he prefers, but Michael doesn’t comment on that.
He just sets the bottle down on the counter and goes in search for a glass.
“Okay,” Alex replies and steps into the kitchen.
Michael pours himself a full glass of whiskey and downs half of it before Alex can say anything else.
“Okay,” Alex repeats. “What the hell is going on?”
Michael laughs humorlessly lowering his glass and giving Alex a sardonic look.
“Noah,” he starts pausing and looking faintly ill. Alex feels his pulse skip a beat. “He’s the fourth alien.”
“Fuck,” Alex says and reaches for Michael’s drink, taking it out of his hands and downing the rest of it.
“He used Maria,” Alex flinches, eyes darting to Michael’s face. “To plant an alien power suppressant smoke bomb into my jacket to knock me out and lock me in my bunker with Max where we spent a couple of hours rehashing the last five years and the reason why I never let him heal my hand.”
Alex swallows hard and reaches for the bottle pouring another drink and handing it over without saying anything.
“Luckily Liz found us before the powder could kill us, considering what it did to Izzy.”
Alex’s fingers tighten around the neck of the bottle and he feels his stomach clench painfully at the thought.
“And even though he drugged Maria, and almost killed Max and Liz and almost kidnapped Isobel, even throughout all of that and what is turning out to arguably be the second worst night of my life, all I could think about when I stepped into that Emporium and saw the stupid fake space backdrop with the too big lights and the UFOs was you.”
Michael downs his drink, and Alex lifts the bottle to his mouth, taking a sizeable gulp.
“So my day has been crap, and my usual drinking buddy says she doesn’t want me around, so I came here,” he tilts his head in Alex’s direction. “You said you wanted to be friends, well this is what I do with my friends.”
Michael’s eyes drop to the bottle and he narrows them, holding his hand out for the bottle.
It slips out of Alex’s fingers and into his hand, and Alex inhales sharply, flexing the fingers of his hand.
Alex clears his throat, “You casually display your powers, and break into their home while drinking all of their liquor?”
Michael smirks, and winks. “Only the special ones.”
Alex sighs and takes the glass from Michael after he fills it, stepping closer and leaning back against the counter.
Alex takes a sip and then offers the glass to Michael. “I’m sorry about Noah.”
Michael looks at him unblinkingly for a few seconds before taking the glass from Alex’s hand.
Michael takes a large gulp and looks at the glass in his hands and then at Alex. “I should want him dead for everything that he’s done, for how he betrayed us all, but I-” Michael cuts himself off with a sigh and takes another sip.
“You wanna know more,” Alex says making a guess. “You think he’ll have information about where you come from?”
Michael licks his lips and nods once, watching Alex as he finishes the rest of his drink.
Alex clears his throat, looking away and trying to tamp down the warm feeling that wants him to lean in closer to Michael.
“Then what are you doing here?” Alex asks voice barely above a whisper.
He can see Michael shrugging out of the corner of his eye as he leans back against the counter as well, glass pressed to his face. “Like I said, my day’s been crap, and I didn’t want to drink alone.”
Michael offers the glass to Alex and Alex inhales deeply before grabbing the glass.
He downs the rest of the drink and turns and grabs the bottle before leaving the kitchen and heading towards the living room.
Alex sits down and Michael drops down on the couch beside him, too close and holding another glass.
Alex pours them each a drink, and watches in disgust as Michael fills the rest of his glass up with a bottle of acetone he pulled out from his pocket.
“Is that safe?”
Michael rolls his eyes. “Alien remember?”
“I’m not an idiot,” Alex snaps and sits up watching Michael. “Kyle gave me a copy of Liz’s report. She mentioned that acetone is like morphine to you guys. Do you regularly drink that much of the stuff, Guerin?”
Michael licks his lips giving Alex a disbelieving look before he’s downing half of the mixture in his glass.
“I didn’t come here for you to get all judgemental on me just because you’ve got some fucked up idea of who I should be running around in your head.”
“I’m not judging you,” Alex says and sighs roughly. “I’m just concerned, okay?”
Michael seems to deflate all of a sudden and he sighs and leans back even further in his seat.
“I’m fine, Alex,” Michael says voice soft looking at Alex through half lidded eyes as he lifts his drink to his mouth. “Don’t worry about me.”
Alex huffs shaking his head, “That’s like asking me not to care about you,” he says taking a huge swallow of his drink.
Michael scoffs, and gives Alex a disbelieving look.
Alex rolls his eyes and lowers his drink. “Don’t look at me like that.”
Michael just scoffs again and downs the rest of his drink.
Alex sets his glass down on the table and grabs the bottle just as Michael goes to take it.
Michael sighs heavily and looks at Alex expectantly.
“You’re delusional if you think that just because I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve and make dramatic romantic declarations means that you’re the only one of us hurting about all of this. I meant what I told you.”
Michael raises his eyebrows and Alex swallows hard.
“I loved you, for a long time. And in the worst of it, the thought of coming back here to youwas the only thing that kept me going. So don’t act like me caring about you is somehow impossible, because I’ve never stopped.”
Michael watches him for a long time in silence, long enough that Alex’s fingers start going numb from how tight he’s holding the bottle.
Finally, Michael just nods once and Alex lets the bottle go and leans forward to grab his drink.
Alex takes a sip and watches as Michael fills the bottle halfway with the whiskey and then the rest of the way with acetone.
“It’s the only thing that helps with the constant ache in my hand,” Michael says voice low and self deprecating.
Alex downs the rest of his drink and holds his hand out for Michael to refill his glass.
Michael does, and Alex can feel him staring as he inhales deeply and says, “I’m so-”
“I don’t need nor want an apology from you about this,” Michael cuts him off raising his left hand in the air and waving it at Alex. “I never blamed you for what happened.”
Alex swallows down the sob that wants to escape and takes a sip of his drink.
“The pain reminds me that there are people out there who will hurt you just because of who you are, but I never blamed you. You were the thought that reminded me that some good things are worth the pain.”
It’s Alex turn to stare without blinking at Michael.
Michael stares at him back, tipping the drink to his mouth, a look in his eyes that makes Alex feel warm and tingly, but that could just be the amount of whiskey he’s consumed in such a short amount of time.
Michael pulls his glass away from his mouth and sits up a little.
“Alex,” he says voice low and thick.
Alex’s eyes fall shut and he shivers as Michael moves closer.
He feels Michael’s fingers on his neck, a touch that is just barely there, buy it sends his heart racing.
Alex’s eyes snap open and he tries to get up, opening his mouth to tell Michael that maybe they should stop drinking or have some coffee.
But Michael stops him, hand wrapping around Alex’s bicep to keep him sitting down.
Alex exhales and tries to steady himself but his voice comes out shaky when he speaks. “Guerin, we can’t do this.”
“Why not?” Michael asks and Alex feels like he’s sitting way too close.
Alex breathes deeply and looks at Michael. His breath hitches in his throat at the look on Michael’s face.
“Do you think I like hurting you, Guerin?”
Michael freezes, fingers tightening on Alex’s arm.
“Because I don’t. It kills me every time I do something to hurt you, but besides the fact that I want to get to know you better, I don’t know what else I want. And it’s unfair to put you in the middle of that when I’m feeling so confused about myself, let alone what I feel or may not feel for you.”
Alex inhales deeply, and looks away from Michael.
“If you kiss me,” Alex says and his eyes fall shut as his voice shakes. “We’ll have sex. And then it’ll happen over and over and over again, and we’ll bury the things that we want to say because why do we need words when our bodies know each other so well. And then there will be a misunderstanding and I’ll run away because I don’t know a thing about you, not really. And then the cycle repeats itself and I want to be more than the bad habit you can’t break away from.”
Michael is quiet for a long time, but Alex refuses to look at him.
He feels Michael move, and inhales shakily when Michael presses his forehead to Alex’s temple.
Michael breathes with Alex for the space of a couple of heartbeats.
“Okay,” he says, low and serious. “Okay, Alex.”
Alex exhales shakily and moves into Michael’s touch.
Michael pulls away after a few minutes and settles back down on the couch. Alex turns to watch him down the rest of his drink and close his eyes as he tips his head back against the back of the couch.
Alex swallows hard.
He always feels the overwhelming urge to touch Michael somewhere any time he’s near. To establish skin to skin contact. To get as close as possible and then even closer.
He looks away breathing deeply and puts his glass down deciding that he’s had enough for tonight.
Alex leans back on the couch and looks up at the ceiling.
“If we were at the back of my truck we’d be able to see the stars,” Michael says and Alex hears him moving and the bottle opening.
Alex snorts, “If we were in the back of your truck we’d be freezing to death.”
Michael scoffs, “That’s why space heaters exist.”
Alex rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling.
He feels Michael move again, and jumps when he falls into Alex’s lap, face pressed to his thigh, mouth open and hot and damp against the thin sweatpants he’d been wearing to bed.
Alex stays still while Michael gets comfortable.
He sighs when Michael moves to rest his cheek on Alex’s thigh, and his hand drops to his hair.
Michael moves into the light touch and Alex shuts his eyes tighter and runs his fingers through Michael’s hair.
They stay like that for a few minutes. Every couple of seconds, Michael moves to take a sip of his drink.
The silence isn’t uncomfortable, but Alex has had just enough to drink to say the words that have been floating around in his head since he saw Michael in his kitchen.
“I’m sorry about Maria,” he whispers, low enough that he hopes Michael won’t actually hear.
He feels Michael sigh against his leg, and he moves to take another sip of his drink before he’s turning in Alex’s lap to face him.
“That’s as much your fault as it is her fault,” he says softly.
Alex looks at him, face in the shadow of Alex’s body. He looks like he’s thinking hard about something.
“Do you like her?” Alex asks before he can stop himself, curiosity and jealousy getting the better of him and he wishes he could reach for his drink or grab Michael’s to stop himself from talking.
Michael sits up, and downs the rest of his drink.
Alex takes the bottle before he can pour himself more given the fact that the bottle was full and it’s now almost done.
Michael tugs the bottle of acetone out of his pocket.
Alex sighs and puts the bottle down on the table in front of him as Michael tips the rest of the acetone down his throat.
“I’m not having that conversation with you,” Michael says gasping wetly.
Alex licks his lips and turns to face him. “Why not?”
Michael scoffs, “If you have to ask that-”
“I’m not a mind reader, Guerin,” Alex snaps. “Of course I have to ask, or else I’ll make assumptions and you’ve seen where that leads us.”
Michael slides his hands through his hair and exhales roughly. “I didn’t come here to talk about Maria.”
“No, you came to get drunk and to get off,” Alex says angrily and moves to stand, but Michael stops him again.
Alex closes his eyes and inhales deeply.
“Look at me, Alex,” Michael asks voice soft and pleading.
Alex’s eyes open immediately, and he exhales and looks at Michael.
Michael’s eyes are wide and honest and bright.
“I came here because you’re one of the only things that makes me feel safe, Alex. Even when we’re fighting and I feel like you’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, you still feel like home.”
Alex shakes his head, but Michael keeps talking.
“I told Max that you made me feel like there was a place for me here, and I didn’t mean in Roswell. I meant on this planet. And even though you don’t want me, I’ll still stay if you ask me to, because I never belonged anywhere until you gave me a place to stay.”
Alex shudders and his breath comes out in a sob, and he reaches for Michael fingers tangling in his hair, and pulls him in close, pressing their foreheads together. “You have to stop saying things like that.”
Michael laughs and it sounds painful. “I’m just telling you the truth.”
Alex shakes his head and presses their foreheads together harder.
Michael’s hands move to frame his face, fingers sliding up into the back of Alex’s neck.
They breathe together and Alex feels the stirring of hope in his chest.
Hope for a future where they could stop hurting each other and be happy.
Hope for a happy ending after everything they’ve been through.
Hope that maybe this time they’ll be able to get it right.