Work Text:
Maria knows it’s selfish to be frustrated. They were all mourning Natasha in their own ways.
Yet she feels a sense of rage in her chest, as if it was about to explode and destroy everything. In a way, that thought is more comforting than her reality.
Her reality is waking up without a source of warmth next to her. Her reality making coffee and expecting a warm pair of arms to wrap her around her but instead being met by the emptiness. It’s breaking down because she accidentally puts on a sweater that smells like her. It’s sleeping on the couch because their bedroom brings up too many memories.
Natasha Romanoff is gone and here her team was talking about the memories but they didn’t know.
They don’t know that she loved eating pizza, all kinds of it. Pepperoni, Cheese, chicken, whatever combination they made, Natasha’s tried it. They don’t know that Natasha loved binge watching rom-coms and dancing along to the music while making breakfast. They don’t know that she hated coffee, despised it, no matter how tired she was.
They knew Natasha Romanoff but they didn’t know Maria’s Nat.
They knew the version of Natasha seamlessly brushed off missions like they didn’t happen, not the one who Maria patched up. They knew the version who hated being touched, not the one who initiated affection every chance she got.
They didn’t know what it felt like to have the honor of loving Natasha Romanoff entirely through and through.
The obnoxious parts like her inability to put her safety before others, and her stubbornness that somehow matches Maria’s perfectly. The amazing parts like her ability to make Maria feel safe and loved, no matter what.
They didn’t know her version of Natasha Romanoff.
The one who loved to watch cartoon reruns on the couch cuddled into Maria. The one who made funny faces at Maria during Fury’s debriefings to try to get her to laugh. The one who never ever gave up on Maria. The one who made her feel like she was worth being loved.
They didn’t know Natasha Romanoff, and now she’s gone.
And with her goes the whole life they built together. The early morning where Maria tries her best to slip out of Natasha’s arms undetected but fails and instead is pulled closer. Maria refusing to give in and gets up to make pancakes. Eventually she’ll hear her girl padding sleepily into the kitchen. Natasha’s lips were the softest in the mornings, Maria thinks.
There was something about the way she was so at ease in the morning, so serene. All the weight she carried seemed not to exist, she was just Nat.
Just Nat who stepped on Maria’s toes as they dance barefoot through the kitchen. Just Nat who pressed Maria up against the fridge and made her burn the bacon. Just Nat who looked at Maria with more love than Maria ever thought she deserved.
Natasha Romanoff is gone and she takes Maria’s heart with her.
Maria’s heart which was undoubtedly Natasha’s since their odd friendship first blossed. Maria’s heart which overfilled with love at the thought of Natasha. Maria’s heart which is gone.
Gone, and never coming back. That’s the thought that comforts Maria as she feels herself stepping off the roof of the Avengers tower and into the void of the night.
Natasha Romanoff is gone, and Maria goes with her too.