Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[ Golden Deer Chatroom -  11:27 AM ]

sexy owo: 👉😎👉

sexy uwu: 👈😎👈

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Sorry what the fuck are your names

sexy owo: we’re twinning

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: i could ask you the same thing what the fuck leonie

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: ,

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Who changed my name to this

sexy uwu: HJASDFFBSDGHDFGSD

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: CLAUDE

sexy uwu: IM NOT CLAUDE IM HILDA

sexy uwu: i mean it was claude who changed ur name but

sexy owo: HILDA

sexy uwu: HAHSASDFGH IM SORRY

sexy owo: WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TWINNINg YOU CANT EXPOSE ME ITS AGAINST THE LAW

sexy uwu: IM SORYYYYY IT  WONT HAPPEN AGAIN DONT LOCK ME UP OFFICER

sexy owo: ur forgiven our twinship is too strong to hold a grudge

sexy uwu: awwww bro…

sexy owo: bro……...

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: wait, why is my name this?

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: ...claude.

sexy owo: i have the right to remain silent

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Someone take his admin rights away, literally what the fuck

sexy owo: please no theyre the only rights i have

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Then perish

Marianne is online.

Marianne: uum what is this?

sexy uwu: hey marianne

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Wait why does she get a normal name

sexy owo: im not a monster i wouldnt bully marianne

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Fair lmao

Marianne: ,,thank you??

sexy owo: ur welcome :)

sexy uwu: wow anyone else in this house feeling threatened

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Yes

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: very.

sexy owo: :)

deathknightdestroyer69 is online.

deathknightdestroyer69: this name is ridiculous but I'll take it

Marianne: hhello, lysithea!

sexy uwu: sup

sexy owo: ok im tired of hellos lets get down to business

sexy owo: i have IMPORTANT NEWS

deathknightdestroyer69: shut the fuck up claude I literally just got here

sexy owo: huh is that how you treat your elders

deathknightdestroyer: I'm going to rip your throat out

sexy uwu: ladies ur both pretty

sexy owo: i agree im gorgeous thank you hilda

sexy owo: ANYWAYS

sexy owo: I HAVE IMPORTANT NEWS

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Did you finally get a tea party with byleth

sexy owo: not yet but its only a matter of time

sexy uwu: are byleths tea parties even real or do they only exist in legends no one knows

Marianne: ttheyre real!! i was invited once,,

sexy uwu: holy SHIT

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: god i wish that were me

Marianne: it was really nice!! byleth is a kind professor, and the tea was delicious,,!!

deathknightdestroyer69: aight stop flexing lol

Marianne: EE IM SORRY

sexy uwu: no marianne ur good she was joking

deathknightdestroyer69: yea I was don't worry

Marianne: ooh!! okay

Marianne: sorry

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: You don't need to apologize

sexy owo: GUYS LISTEN TO ME

sexy owo: it finally happened

sexy owo: finally…………….

sexy uwu: stop being cryptid and spit it out

sexy owo: i did the secret sign of the golden deer to dimitri and he copied it

sexy uwu: ,

Marianne: oh !!!

deathknightedestroyer69: HOLY SHIT

sexy uwu: OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD

sexy uwu: OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

sexy owo: I KNOW RIGHT

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: finally…

sexy uwu: IFGUDJHFDNFDHGJF THE MADMAN ACTUALLY FUCKING DID IT

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: OH MY GOD

sexy uwu: WE'VE ASCENDED

sexy owo: WE MADE IT

deathknightdestroyer69: it's what we deserve

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: We've successfully infiltrated the blue lions who's next

sexy owo: everyone

sexy owo: first dimitri, then edelgard, then byleth herself

sexy owo: soon everyone will be spreading golden deer propaganda without even realising what they're doing. the absolute fools

deathknightdestroyer69: it's what we DESERVE

sexy uwu: we RLLY out here

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: okay, but you really think you can get edelgard to do it?

sexy owo: you overestimate her

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: perhaps.

deathknightdestroyer69: I'm more confused as to how he thinks he'll get byleth to do it

sexy owo: your lack of confidence wounds me

sexy owo: have faith in your leader, young one

deathknightdestroyer69: call me that again and I destroy you

sexy owo: noted

sexy owo: anyways yall you know what time it is

sexy owo: ✋😎🤚

sexy uwu: ✋😎🤚

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: ✋😎🤚

Marianne: ✋😎🤚

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: ✋😎🤚

deathknightdestroyer69: ✋😎🤚

Moto Moto is online.

Moto Moto: ✋😎🤚

sexy owo: nice of you to join us raphael

sexy uwu: squad rolling in

Moto Moto: I cant miss out on the secret sing of the golden door :)

sexy uwu: secret sing

deathknightdestroyer69: golden door, that's us

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: The one and only

sexy owo: stop mocking him he's doing his best

Marianne: iaare you okay, raphael?? ;;

Moto Moto: Yes, very ! 

Moto Moto: I have a hard time with typing on this smart keyboa,rd, but I am fine :D

sexy uwu: ohhh that explains it lol

sexy owo: good to know buddy

sexy uwu: yo is everyone here yet

Marianne: ii havent seen ignatz,,??

deathknightdestroyer69: pretty sure he's busy

sexy owo: busy?? hm what can be more important than the secret sign of the golden deer

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: You mean the secret sing of the golden door?

deathknightdestroyer69: you mean the succulent song of the goldfish doner?

sexy uwu: u mean the subtitled sociobiologist of the godfather dongle???

sexy owo: okay please stop

Marianne: ii believe ignatz said he had an aart piece he wanted to finish today,,?? ;;

sexy owo: hm not good enough he should be here

*cracks raw egg over my head* its art you wouldnt understand is online.

*cracks raw egg over my head* its art you wouldnt understand: ✋😎🤚

sexy owo: LEGEND

[ Blue Lions Chatroom - 12:31 PM ]

draco malfoy: hey anyone here?

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: no.

Dedue: Yes.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: the duality of man

haha just kidding… unless?: there r two wolves inside of u… one is no…. one is yes…. u are gay

draco malfoy: okay cool i need help

haha just kidding… unless?: constant mood

so basically, im babey: what's up dimitri?? :o

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏:  We're happy to help!

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: what did you do this time

draco malfoy: i did not do anything, i just have a question?

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: doubt

draco malfoy: no for real

haha just kidding… unless?: is this about the shampoo again

haha just kidding… unless?: dimitri we've explained this to you before you have to use it or else your hair will look like shit

draco malfoy: it's not about? the shampoo??

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: doubt

draco malfoy: are you guys going to listen to me or not

Dedue: Please, everyone, allow him to speak.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Sorry, Dimitri! Please continue with what you were saying!

draco malfoy: thank you.

draco malfoy: so i was speaking with claude today- and then, in the middle of our conversation, he just… lifted his hands up to the side of his face? and just held them there? i think it was some sort of gesture?

draco malfoy: i was really confused so i just copied him doing it, but i didn't know what it meant. am i missing something?

haha just kidding… unless?: for once i have no idea

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: "for once"

oovoo javer: i've never heard of anything like that, sorry!

haha just kidding… unless?: maybe its just a claude thing???

draco malfoy: that doesnt help but thank you

haha just kidding… unless?: anytime ;)

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Hmm, how strange… perhaps he was trying to wave at you??

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I really have no idea, sorry!

draco malfoy: it's alright mecerdes

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: maybe it's a cult thing. maybe you just accepted an invitation into his cult by copying the gesture

draco malfoy: i dont want to join his cult

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: well you should have thought of that before you copied it huh

draco malfoy: my bad

haha just kidding… unless?: maybe he was hitting on you

draco malfoy: im sorry what

haha just kidding… unless?: u never know, maybe thats how they flirt in the leicester alliance. weird hand gestures. maybe by copying him you just agreed to marry him

so basically, im babey: wedding is this sunday!!

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Ooh! I can officiate!

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: they grow up so fast..

draco malfoy: theres no wedding??

haha just kidding… unless?: if it really is a flirting thing u should show me what he did so i can try it out sometime dimitri ;)

draco malfoy: ..okay??

Dedue: I'm sure it was just a joke of his. You can ask him about it next time you see him, Dimitri.

draco malfoy: finally someone with good advice in this house

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: :( Aw..

draco malfoy: *aside from mercedes

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: :D

haha just kidding… unless?: now that that's out of the way. dedue.

Dedue: ?

haha just kidding… unless?: why is your name so boring?? just dedue?? fr??

Dedue: I don't believe I need a less 'boring' name than this. It gets the point across.

haha just kidding… unless?: well that wont do will it

haha just kidding… unless?: give me a sec

haha just kidding… unless?: felix give me your phone

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: aight.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade changed Dedue's nickname to dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: OH SHUT UOP

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: I'm afraid I don't understand what this means.

haha just kidding… unless?: ingrid said that to me once

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i had a brief lapse in judgement shut the fuck up sylvain

haha just kidding… unless?: ;)

oovoo javer: you really thought it was a type of tree,,??

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: moving on

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: how come felix has admin perms

haha just kidding… unless?: pretty sure dimitri doesnt know how to use a chatroom so felix got to be admin instead

draco malfoy: i know how to use a chatroom

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: like you know how to use shampoo?

haha just kidding… unless?: SDFJFHDGSHJG

haha just kidding… unless?: FELIX GOING IN FOR THE KILL

draco malfoy: can we please just forget the shampoo thing

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: MOVING ON

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ashe whats up with your name

oovoo javer: oh this?? i didnt chose it

haha just kidding… unless?: hes never been to oovoo javer

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I believe it's a pun on his last name? Ubert?

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: sylvain chose it.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: sylvain why dont you give us good names

haha just kidding… unless?: dont hate just appreciate

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: please die

draco malfoy: on the topic of usernames

draco malfoy: felix?

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: what.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: yh whats up with your name felix

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i was expecting you to be named something

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: blander?? Idk

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: i didnt choose it.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: sylvain did.

oovoo javer: why?????

haha just kidding… unless?: he said it to me once

haha just kidding… unless?: he looked me in the FUCKIGN eye and said it and i ascended to the astral plane

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ,

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏:   He did?

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: it was a joke

haha just kidding… unless?: HE DID

haha just kidding… unless?: I THOUGHT I WAS DREAMING

haha just kidding… unless?: BUT HE DID

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: oh my god??

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ET TU, FELIX???

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: i was just making a joke.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: I KNOW ITS JUST NOT SOMETHING I’D EXPECT FROM YOU LOL

haha just kidding… unless?: DSFHGDJH RIGHT

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: please stop

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏:   I’m surprised too!

oovoo javer: cant believe felix was an undercover memelord this whole time

haha just kidding… unless?: please dont say undercover memelord ever again

draco malfoy: wait sylvain doesnt have admin rights, how did he change felix's name?

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: sylvain has no rights full stop

haha just kidding… unless?: if u wanted me to die u could have just said so

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i do

haha just kidding… unless?: noted

haha just kidding… unless?: also i changed his name bc sitting next to him rn so i just stole his phone to change it

haha just kidding… unless?: thats how i changed everyone elses names too lol didnt u notice

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: dimitri doesnt know how to use a chatroom we established this

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: also why are you guys texting if youre sitting next to each other????

haha just kidding… unless?: he wont talk to me :(

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: is this where i say "yall hear sumn"?

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: yes u got it

haha just kidding… unless?: ur doing amazing sweetie :)

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: dont talk to me.

haha just kidding… unless?: :(

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: (felix voice) is this where i say "oof"?

haha just kidding… unless?: woah felix is that you???

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: what the fuck

[ Black Eagles Chatroom -  1:44 PM ]

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: *ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: *ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR

sleepy bitch disease: *ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: *ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: CAN YOU GUYS SHUT UP IT WAS ONE TIME

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: which one of you changed my name im going to k*ll you

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: ;)

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: holup since when did you even have admin perms???

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: since i started dating our house leader

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: bow down to ur new kween ferdie

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: :)

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: once again the lesbians are my downfall

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: we're boutta end ur whole career

Jared, 19: hsd

Jared, 19: aughsd

Jared, 19: n

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: petra honey are you okay

Jared, 19: Hell Lo everyone

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: i dont know why but im scared

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: keep going sweetie ur doing amazing

Jared, 19: Thank  You, Door of Theo! I appreciate your supper rat,

sleepy bitch disease: oh, i see what's going on. she's using text-to-speech.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: petra, there's a keyboard on your phone that you may use to type. if you need any assistance with doing so, I would be glad to provide.

Jared, 19: I do not see this key Board question mark

Jared, 19: Oh! I have found it. Thank you, Edelgard.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: of course.

sleepy bitch disease: could u guys stop texting so much im trying 2 nap

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: nap??? its literally the middle of the day and class starts in like five minutes

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: ill show u how to turn notifs off linhardt dw

sleepy bitch disease: thanks

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: by the way is hubert here?

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: in this chat? yes- you can see a list of members on the side of the screen, caspar.

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: i KNOW that im not blind

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: i meant here as in in this class right now that is starting in five minutes. i dont see him anywhere

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: look in the back corner of the room.

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: ,

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: thats

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: skdjskdnfhsjds i literally didnt even see him before oh my god hes literally hiding in the shadows

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: THATS SO CREEPY WHAT IS HE DOING

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: just chillin'.

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: hes what now

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: you heard her he's just chillin'.

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: ahello

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: bernie!! hello!! i hope youre doing well 💖

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: damn wish dorothea would be that nice to me :(

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: who are u again

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: dont

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: oh!! thats right i remember

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: you are *ferdinand voice* FERDINAND VON AEGIR

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: IT WAS ONE FUCKING TIMEEE

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: sorry2ask but a m i misssing something here ???

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: no please dont ask its fine

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: okay so you werent here for this bernie but the professor took us out to fight some monsters to train

sleepy bitch disease: ive always thought the professor's decisions to pit us against monsters was a questionable one, even if it's for training.

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: me fucking too but hey we lived bitch

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: we rlly did

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: anyways

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: during the fight ferdinand charges straight at one of the monsters and he just

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: screams at the top of his lungs

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: "I AM FERDINAND VON AEGIR"

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: HE RLLY IS…

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: IT WAS TH HEAT OF THE MOMENT STOP MOCKING ME

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: im sorry ferdinand von aegir it wont happen again

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: please im begging you stop this

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: ferdie

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: ill take it

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: oh i see!!/ thx for eexplaining caspar im sorr y for asking

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: u dont need to apologise lol

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: ok now that thats over can we go back to talking about hubert over there

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: he hasnt moved like at all hes. still in the corner

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: is he just?? watching us??

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: are you trying to change the subject

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: yes thats literally exactly what i'm doing

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: ok fair

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: do you,, do you think he knows we know he's there??

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: you all turned to look at him at the exact same time when I pointed him out earlier. he's probably aware.

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: stealth mission failed we'll get em next time

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: eeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Jared, 19: Excuse me- is our professor late in showing to class?

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: no one fucking say it ill literally kill you

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: if she's 15 minutes late we're legally allowed to leave

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: FUCK YOU

creeper is online.

creeper: She is late, yes- by three minutes so far.

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: e

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years is offline.

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: hubie!! nice of you to join us

Jared, 19: If you do not mind that I ask, Hubert, why is your name 'creeper'?

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: AW MAN

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: AWWW MAN

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: AW MAN

sleepy bitch disease: aw man

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: wheres the enthusiasm huh linhardt

sleepy bitch disease: the what

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: hes tired let him live

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: hes? always? tired?

sleepy bitch disease: correct

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: let him live you fucker

creeper: I did not select this username for myself. I'm guessing it was Dorothea who chose it.

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: hehe guilty

Jared, 19: Oh, I have understanding! Dorothea, what does this mean?

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: idk haha i just thought he was a lil creepy and so the nickname would be funny and fitting

Jared, 19: Thank you for the explanation!

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: anything for u petra 💕

Jared, 19: :)

sleepy bitch disease: is the professor here yet?

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: has it been 15 minutes??

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: dorothea i am going to fight you with my bare hands

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: hey whered edelgard go

creeper: what?

Jared, 19: I do not have sight on her in the classroom... Perhaps she went for a walk?

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: edelgard where are u :(((

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: @Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: oh, sorry- I'm just going to search for the professor. it's unusual for her to be this late.

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: nooo edie come back!! :(

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: dorothea?

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: edgelord baby i lvoe you

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: 💘💗💜💖💕💕💓💞💛❣️💖💕💗💗❣️❣️💛

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: 💖

sleepy bitch disease: are we just going to ignore that she called edelgard edgelord?

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: EDGELORD

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: hhey aareyou okay dorothea? ?? yyoure um typing a bit weirdly

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: girljs

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: words to live by

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖: shut up ferdinand youre literally gay

💎✨💖 dorothea ✨🎶💖 has changed their nickname to girljs.

girljs: better

girljs: sorry lads i just had a moment of Gay™ but im good now

sleepy bitch disease: my entire life is one big moment of Gay™ 

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: mood.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: I found the professor. she was fishing. we will be returning to class shortly.

girljs: women want her fish fear her

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: i fear her

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: what are you a fucking fish

[ Shared Chatroom -  2:49 PM ]

sexy uwu: what the fuck

sexy uwu: alright which of you fuckers thought this was a good idea

spill the tea kween: I thought communication between the houses has been limited recently, so I decided to create a chatroom for you all.

spill the tea kween: Be responsible, though.

spill the tea kween is offline.

draco malfoy: a wonderful idea, professor

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: I agree. this is a lovely idea.

sexy owo: this is literally the most awful idea ive ever heard and yet im here for it

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: professor byleth, please invite me to tea.

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: she literally went offline already u missed ur chance

girljs: professor byleth's tea parties are a luxury few can afford

sexy uwu: im still not sure if theyre real or not tbh

Marianne: they are, i swear!!! ;;

Marianne: aaa,,, who else here has actually been to one??

girljs: i have! ✨🍵

oovoo javer: i've been to one!

Moto Moto: I  have.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: as have i.

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: i have!

draco malfoy: me too.

sleepy bitch disease: i've been to one.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I went to one as well! It was quite lovely.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I believe Annette has well, though she's not online at the moment. 

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: And I'm sure there's a few more who have been as well who are not currently online!

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: hm, i see.

deathknightdestroyer69: someone sounds jealous

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: i am not.

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: uh huh

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i have some work to attend to, so i shall be off for now. if anyone needs to speak to me, please dm me.

girljs: gbye edie!!! i love you!!! 💖💘💞

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: 💖

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe is offline.

sexy uwu: adorable

haha just kidding… unless?: that could be us but u playin 😔✌️

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: who are you even talking to.

haha just kidding… unless?: the girl reading this

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: die

draco malfoy: oh, while we're here.

draco malfoy: claude, i was meaning to ask you- what was the meaning of that strange hand gesture you did earlier this day?

sexy owo: hehe

draco malfoy: what?

sexy owo: hehe nothing dimitri ✋😎🤚

sexy uwu: ✋😎🤚

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: ✋😎🤚

*cracks raw egg over my head* its art you wouldnt understand: ✋😎🤚

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: ✋😎🤚

Marianne: ✋😎🤚

Moto Moto: ✋😎🤚

deathknightdestroyer69: ✋😎🤚

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: I WAS RIGHT DIMITRI IT IS A FUCKING CULT THING

haha just kidding… unless?: i cant believe dimitri joined a cult without us

sexy uwu: yes we, the golden deer, are a cult

sleepy bitch disease: i knew it

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: can i join

sexy uwu: password?

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: please

sexy uwu: denied

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: :(

girljs: dw ferdie youll get em next time

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: if i could direct all of your interest back to the more interesting topic of byleth's tea parties.

girljs: what else is there to discuss

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i think hes just mad he hasnt been to one

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: no, i am not mad. 

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: but, in my opinion,

sexy uwu: shut the fuck up bottom

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: oh my god

girljs: hilda id literally die for you

sexy owo: h

haha just kidding… unless?: ASJHDFSGHJSDSFD

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: HELLO police? i just witnessed a murder

sexy owo: LMFAOSDFHGDJ I WHEEZED

sexy uwu: :)

the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days: that was not a murder, all she did was call me a bottom.

sexy uwu: shut the fuck up bottom

haha just kidding… unless?: shut the fuck up bottom

girljs: shut the fuck up bottom

sexy owo has changed the feet pics darling please it has been 15 days's nickname to shut the fuck up bottom.

shut the fuck up bottom: this isn't fair.

sexy owo: shut the fuck up bottom

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe is online.

shut the fuck up bottom: finally, someone with a bit of sense. edelgard, if you would, please tell the others here to cease this ridiculous name-calling!

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: shut the fuck up bottom

shut the fuck up bottom: ah

girljs: nNGIOASHGASDHSDGFGSDHJDFS

girljs: EDIE GOING IN FOR THE KILL

girljs: THATYS ,MY GIRLFRIEND 💜💘💖💖💗💕💜💖❣️💖💗 WHAT A QUEEN

sexy uwu: LEGENDARY

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: HELLO POLICE I JUST WITNESSED A SECOND MURDER

sexy owo: lorenz found dead in miami

draco malfoy: finally

sexy owo: JASHDFNASDHGFHDSJ

haha just kidding… unless?: NDFHGJHGSJ DIMITRI>?? ??

girljs: IM CRYING YO

sexy uwu: OH MY GOD DIMITRI TOO

sexy uwu: LORENZ JUST CANT CATCH A BREAK TODAY HUH

oovoo javer: he's being attacked from all sides...

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: the only time the houses are ever united

sexy owo: its for a good cause

haha just kidding… unless?: legends only

shut the fuck up bottom: who has admin perms in this chat?

sexy owo: no i will not change your name for you

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: me neither.

so basically, im babey: does dimitri?? :o

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I believe he does! But I think he's busy right now.

haha just kidding… unless?: whats he doing he was here a minute ago

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: he's in the middle of a sparring match with me. 

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: so he can't text at the moment.

sexy owo: wait youre literally texting us how can u be sparring at the same time

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: im multitasking.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: does he expect us to believe that

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏:   It would take a lot of talent to pull off something like that… I don't mean to doubt your word, Felix, but I don't believe it's possible, either!

sleepy bitch disease: i bet he could pull it off, this is felix we're talking about.

draco malfoy: hes not lying

sexy owo: ,

draco malfoy: you can all come to the training grounds to see. he was on his phone and texting while sparring.

haha just kidding… unless?: WHAT

draco malfoy: and he managed to still beat me.

sexy owo: ive gotta see this i still dont believe it brb

sexy uwu: claude out here doing gods work, report to us when u find out the truth

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: this is just a stupid joke, i cant believe you guys are falling for it

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: it's not a joke. i don't see what's so hard to believe.

sexy owo: HOLY SHIT

sexy owo: [ Video attachment: HE_STUDIED_THE_BLADE.mov ]

sleepy bitch disease: wow

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ,

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i stand corrected

haha just kidding… unless?: itwas time for thomas to leave he had seen eveyrthing

sexy uwu: HOW DOES HE DO IT

haha just kidding… unless?: IM IN AWE

sexy owo: im going back to my room this was too powerful for my bare eyes to handle

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: told you so.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏:   That's impressive, Felix! I'm sorry for doubting you earlier!

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: it's not that impressive, really.

haha just kidding… unless?: felix can you teach me how to do that

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: no.

haha just kidding… unless?: babe please

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: j

haha just kidding… unless?: ,

haha just kidding… unless?: felix

haha just kidding… unless?: are u okay there buddy

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: felix machine broke

haha just kidding… unless?: FELIX COME HOME

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: you broke him sylvain

haha just kidding… unless?: FELIX IM SORRY

girljs: you ruined a perfectly good twink is what you did. look at it. its got gay

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: LMAO

sexy uwu: ITS GOT GAY SDFUSAJHGGJ

sleepy bitch disease: wow same

sexy owo: i, too, have got gay

haha just kidding… unless?: WHAT DID I DOOOOO

haha just kidding… unless?: whyis he not responding felix please

draco malfoy: uh

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: what do you mean, 'uh'? dimitri, what did you do?

sexy owo: lmao that sounds so accusatory ingrid all he did was say 'uh'

sexy owo: let him BREATHE

draco malfoy: i think i knocked felix unconscious

sexy owo: UH

haha just kidding… unless?: h

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: im sorry what

haha just kidding… unless?: YOU WHAT

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏:   Ohh, no..! You guys are at the training grounds, right? I'll be right there!

draco malfoy: thank you mercedes

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏:   Of course!

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏 is offline.

haha just kidding… unless?: HWO DID YOU KNOCK HIM UNCONSCIOUS

draco malfoy: we were sparring and he was texting as you all know

girljs: im still not over the fact that he can pull that off tbh

draco malfoy: i swung at him, and i was expecting him to block the blow, but then he looked at his phone and just. froze

sexy uwu: dont text and spar kids

sexy owo: im crying i cant believe felix's gay panic literally murdered him

girljs: can we get an f?

sleepy bitch disease: f

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: f

haha just kidding… unless?: oh mygod

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: f

haha just kidding… unless?: imcoming to the training grounds brb

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: F

haha just kidding… unless? is offline.

sexy owo: f

sexy uwu: f

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Okay, on a more serious note,

sexy owo: a what

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: What do we do? should we say something to byleth about this?

girljs: i vote we tell byleth nothing

spill the tea kween is online.

spill the tea kween: Tell me nothing about what?

sexy owo: felix had a gay panic and dimitri accidentally knocked him unconscious

girljs: CLAUDE YOU IGNORANT SLUT

sexy uwu: IGNORANT

sexy uwu: SLUT

sexy uwu: IM ASUISDFHFDHGJHGSJASFSDHGFHSDJHFSDG HOLYYY SHITTTT

sexy owo: if hilda and i werent currently twinning id change my name to that in a HEARTBEAT

sexy uwu: i appreciate ur loyalty thx bro

sexy owo: anytime bro

spill the tea kween: And is Felix okay?

girljs: ya im sure hes doing fine, no need to worry professor!

sexy owo: he could be dead for all we know

girljs: claude im literally going to slay you where you stand

spill the tea kween: Alright, I backread.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: oh no

draco malfoy: professor i am so sorry for this

draco malfoy: also no claude, felix is not dead

spill the tea kween: Don't worry about it, Dimitri. I can see none of you were intentionally at fault. I'm going to check up on Felix for now.

spill the tea kween: If anything like this happens again in the future, please let me know right away, alright? As your professor, your safety is my concern.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: if we tell you every time felix has a gay panic we're gonna end up spamming your notifs professor

spill the tea kween: Aha. You know what I meant.

sexy owo: i know you didnt mean for that to come across as threatening but that "Aha" is going to haunt my nightmares thanks teach

spill the tea kween: Anytime, Claude. I'm going to check up on Felix now.

spill the tea kween is offline.

sexy owo: terrifying

Chapter Text

[ Blue Lions Chatroom - 5:17 PM ]

haha just kidding... unless?: it's been 5 years since felix died

haha just kidding... unless?: i wont lie, its been hard on all of us

haha just kidding... unless?: losing such a good friend like that… it would change anyone

so basically, im babey: "good friend" haha okay!

haha just kidding... unless?: i think ingrid was hit the hardest by his death. its been so long, yet i can still hear her sobs echoing through the halls at night…

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨ : alright what the fuck

haha just kidding... unless?: as for me?

haha just kidding... unless?: well, i'll survive… even if it's without felix at my side.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: what are you doing.

haha just kidding... unless?: its been five whole years, and yet sometimes i can still hear his voice...

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: its been THREE DAYS SYLVAIN.

haha just kidding... unless?: WOAH FELIX WHERED YOU COME FROM

draco malfoy: what is happening

oovoo javer: i?? have no idea

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: literally WHAT are you talking about sylvain.

haha just kidding... unless?: OH MY GOD FELIX! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: is this even real

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Is anything even real?

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ,

haha just kidding... unless?: ,

so basically, im babey: ,

haha just kidding... unless?: hEY mercedes u good????

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Ehe, I'm doing just fine!

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: SOMEHOW IM EVEN MORE SCARED NOW???

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: mercedes please are you okay

so basically, im babey: mercedes??? is there anything you want to talk about??? im here for you if you need me!! :o

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Noo, really- I'm okay!! I just wanted to see you guys' reactions, ehe. I'm sorry for scaring you!

haha just kidding... unless?: oh my god

haha just kidding... unless?: we've been clowned

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: huh i guess im boo boo the fool

haha just kidding... unless?: can i get a honk in the chat

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: no.

haha just kidding... unless?: thanks!

so basically, im babey: honk!!

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Honk! 🤡

haha just kidding... unless?: h

haha just kidding... unless?: mercedes youre being terrifying again

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Oh- I'm sorry!! It wasn't intentional that time!

haha just kidding... unless?: mom come pick me up im scared

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: mercedes is mom, we're on our own this time

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: perish.

oovoo javer: does felix just lurk in the chat and wait for the best oppurtunity to strike, killing you instantly

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: yes.

oovoo javer: got it!!

[ Golden Deer Chatroom - 9:00 PM ]

shut the fuck up bottom: would someone here do me the favor of changing my name?

deathknightdestroyer69: loranz you've asked this every single day for the past three days on an hourly basis

deathknightdestroyer69: shut, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck up

shut the fuck up bottom: not until i am granted the justice of a name change.

sexy uwu: yall hear sumn

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Just give him the goddamn name change if he won't shut up about it

sexy owo: not to be dramatic but id rather die

sexy owo: i cant right now anyways im busy

sexy uwu: doing what

sexy owo: playing chess

Marrianne: isnt it a bit late to be playing cchess,,,?? uum since we still have training and such to do tomorrow,,

deathknightdestroyer69: it's only 9pm

sexy owo: haha yeah its only 9pm so im allowed to be awake :)

sexy owo: but shouldnt you be asleep lysithea?? since ur like three years old

deathknightdestroyer69: your days are numbered.

sexy owo: im counting on it

shut the fuck up bottom: would someone PLEASE change my name?

sexy owo has changed shut the fuck up bottom's name to please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(.

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: this is not what i meant.

sexy uwu: SDFKFSDHNGSDFHJSDF

[ Black Eagles Chatroom - 11:42 PM ]

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: hey you guys remember that time we made a minecraft server

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: dont remind me

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: it was… certainly an experience.

girljs: OMG I HAD FORGOTTEN

girljs: can we please bring that back!! and invite the other houses too!!!

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: awful idea

Jared, 19: What is this Minecraft?

girljs: OMG

girljs: WE HAVE TO BRING IT BACK SO WE CAN TEACH PETRA ABOUT MINECRAFT GAYS ITS IMPORTANT

girljs: petra honey its this fantastic game where you can build nice houses and farms and such

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: and fight others to the death to steal all the resources they gathered.

girljs: yeah!!!!!! :)

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: last time we tried this game, the ending was… less than ideal

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: dorothea, i love you, but please think this through.

girljs: i have and i think its a good idea

girljs: also love u too bby ✨💖

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: ii

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: / id like to brbring it back too,,

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: of course you would

Jared, 19: If it is okay for me to be asking… what exactly was this less than ideal ending?

girljs: oh this is my FAVORITE story

girljs: aside from the ferdinand von aegir one that is

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: of course it is lmfao

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: here we go

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: nno real ly you dont have to tell it,

girljs: bernie this is ur legacy i gotta

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: hh h hh okay ,, , go ahead /

girljs: AIGHT SO

girljs: it was like?? a month or so into the server

girljs: it had been pretty peaceful so far like some of us had set up base together and we were just chilling

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: just chillin'.

girljs: just chillin'.

girljs: anyways one day i log onto the server to find caspar, ferdinand and bernie GOIN OFF at each other in chat

Jared, 19: Oh, dear!

Jared, 19: Just to confirm… 'GOIN OFF' is yelling, correct?

girljs: yes u got it 💖

Jared, 19: I am glad!

Jared, 19: 💖

girljs: :') i (platonically) love u sm petra ur so sweet

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: can you just get this fucking story over and done with

girljs: sorry sorry im getting to it!

girljs: anyways i was boutta jump in and defend bernie when i realised.. she was not the one who needed defending

girljs: the chat showed that she was literally DESTROYING caspar and ferdinand over and over and over again with zero (0) mercy

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: im getting flashbacks

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: HH HH HDB IMSORRYREALLY

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: tthey um

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: ferdina,nd um killed my wolfdb and i just um

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: :(

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: yeah and i got stuck in the fucking middle

girljs: it was so legendary

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i suppose it should come as no surprise that bernadetta is skilled with the bow both in minecraft and in real life, too.

Jared, 19: Oh… this sounds like quite the violent of games!

girljs: no its fun i swear

creeper: Was it fun when you placed TNT in my house and killed me, Dorothea?

girljs: HAHAHSDHDFGHJSD I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

girljs: IM SORRY I WAS TARGETTING FERDINAND YOU WERE COLLATERAL DAMAGE

girljs: it was fun though ehe u right 

creeper: For you, perhaps.

girljs: love u hubie 💖💖💖

girljs: anyways basically petra we had a full out war in the end but it was fun so it was fine!

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: ferdinand wouldnt speak to me for a month straight

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: YOU KILLED FERDINAND VON AEGIR JR. CASPAR

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: MY DISTRESS WAS UNDERSTANDABLE

Jared, 19: Ferdinand Von Aegir Jr.?

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: my minecraft bird i miss him every day

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i really dont think bringing the minecraft server back is a good idea.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: all of you should be getting some rest now- it's nearly midnight, after all. 

creeper: Of course, Lady Edelgard. Good night.

girljs: gnight everyone!!!! 💖

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: goodnight. :)

[ the only valid bitches in these houses - 1:42 AM ]

sexy owo added 8 people to the chatroom.

sexy owo: i have gathered you all here today

sexy owo: for an important ask

sexy owo: you have been carefully chosen

sexy owo: with your individual strengths and weaknesses taken into account

sexy owo: each and every one of you are essential to my plan

sexy owo: that is why i must ask for your full cooperation

sexy uwu: claude

sexy uwu: you

sexy uwu: MOTHERFUCKER

sexy owo: ,

sexy uwu: EVERY time you send a message my fucking phone makes a noise

sexy uwu: and it is NEARLY TWO AM

haha just kidding… unless?: says the person who used three different messages to say "claude you motherfucker"

sexy uwu: my phone doesnt make a noise when i send the messages

haha just kidding… unless?: ah i see

sexy owo: hilda its for a good cause i PROMISE

sexy owo: AS I WAS SAYING

sexy uwu: use one fucking message this time not 5

sexy owo: noted

sexy owo: we have a mission. all of us. we must work together. teamwork is essential. i feel like without the dramatic timing of sending my messages one at a time this has considerably less impact than i wanted it to have

girljs: ur doing great honey keep going

sexy owo: thank u for the support it means a lot

girljs: its our bi solidarity 💖

sexy owo: of course

sexy owo: anyways

sexy owo: i found out some, as the kids these days would say, steaming hot tea

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: a

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: as the kids these days would say

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: YOURE LITERALLY

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: fuck it nevermind im too tired

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: tell us the tea claude dont keep us waiting

deathknightdestroyer69: yeah hurry up I wanna know

sexy owo: patience

sexy uwu: CLAUDE

sexy owo: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT

sexy owo: byleth has a date

deathknightdestroyer69: ,

sexy uwu: OMG

draco malfoy: ,

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: ,

sexy uwu: AS THE KIDS THESE DAYS WOULD SAY! SPILL THAT TEA SIS!!!

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: HOLY SHIT

haha just kidding… unless?: WAIT WITH WHO

sexy owo: I DONT KNOW THATS WHY WE'RE HERE

draco malfoy: wait

draco malfoy: what are you implying claude?

sexy owo: :^))))

draco malfoy: i dont like the sound of that

haha just kidding… unless?: i do

sexy owo: its tomorrow at noon

sexy owo: and thats the reason i have gathered you brave soliders here today

sexy owo: to stalk our teacher and find out her mysterious date!

girljs has added creeper to the chat.

sexy owo: DOROTHEA THIS IS A PRIVATE CHATROOM

girljs: sorry u said stalk and i thought his skills could be of use ;^)

sexy owo: u know what? fair

creeper: What is this?

girljs: byleth has a date tomorrow and we're gonna find out who it is!!!

creeper: So why am I here?

girljs: we need ur stalking powers hubie please

creeper: Fine.

girljs: and if you say no i'll

girljs: ,

girljs: ok u agreed faster than i was expecting welcome to the team hubie!! ✨💕

creeper: I'm going to sleep now. You all better have figured out a sensible plan for what you're going to do by morning.

creeper is offline.

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: cya hubert

girljs: okay bye hubie!! 💖

sexy uwu: there he goes

sexy owo: ok back to business

sexy owo: you are all the most chaotic motherfuckers i know and that is why you are here

sexy uwu: what he means is we're the least likely to tattle

sexy owo: exactly

haha just kidding… unless?: wait then why is dimitri here????

sexy owo: so we have someone to pin the blame on in case everything goes wrong

draco malfoy: wait what

sexy owo: also he saw me make the chat and demanded to be added

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: wait but you made this chat like ten minutes ago

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: it's nearly 2 am

girljs: omg..

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: …...what are you guys doing together at nearly 2 am in the morning???

girljs: omg……………...

sexy uwu: ,

haha just kidding… unless?: ,

sexy uwu: CLAUDE YOU MOTHERFUCKERR

haha just kidding… unless?: I KNEW THE HAND SIGN WAS A FLIRTING THING

deathknightdestroyer69: tbh I'm not surprised

sexy uwu: OH MY GOD CLAUDE YOU PROMISED YOUD TELL ME THE SECOND YOU AND DRACO MALFOY BECAME OFFICIAL

girljs: sdfsdhgfshj draco malfoy, thats him

draco malfoy: what

haha just kidding… unless?: oh my GOD dimitri you should have told us!! what the fuck we're like your best friends you're supposed to tell us everything about your love life :/

draco malfoy: WHAT

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: i cant believe dimitri has more game than i do

sexy uwu: THIS IS A BREAK OF OUR SACRED TWINSHIP TRUST CLAUDE WHAT THE FUCKK!!!!

sexy owo: i

sexy owo: im lauGHING SO HARD THIS IS SO FUNNY

sexy uwu: NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS FUNNY YOU FUCK

draco malfoy: claude can you please explain? this is humilating

sexy owo: UDASDHASHDS OKAy its not like that you guys we're literally just playign chess

sexy uwu: ,

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: and you expect us to believe that?

sexy owo: [ Image attatchment: asnfdhdfgsdf.png ]

sexy owo: the games been going on for so long because we both take a solid half an hour each to make a single move

haha just kidding… unless?: story of my love life except replace "half an hour" with "ten years"

sexy uwu: this aint about u

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: we get it sylvain youre gay

haha just kidding… unless?: LET ME LIVE

girljs: actually i can vouch for claude's story!! i went by there in the evening and they were playing chess together lol

draco malfoy: thank you dorothea

girljs: 💕 np

draco malfoy: yeah we're playing chess. i didn't expect the game to last this long but time flies

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: wait how long HAVE you been playing

sexy uwu: yeah what the fuck claude now that i think about it you mentioned this like five hours ago

sexy owo: nearly 11 hours in total we've been here since 3pm

girljs: alright what the fuck

deathknightdestroyer69: you daft motherfuckers don't you have better things to do with your time??

sexy owo: of course not

haha just kidding… unless?: absolute madlads

sexy uwu: claude im sorry for accusing you of breaking our twinship trust can u forgive me

sexy owo: ofc bro anything for my twin

sexy uwu: thx bro ur the best :)

sexy owo: anytime bro :)

sexy owo: ok now we need to get down to business for real are u all done interrupting me

girljs: yes sir

deathknightdestroyer69: hurry up I want to sleep

sexy owo: alright the professor's date is at noon tomorrow

sexy owo: problem being i dont know where

sexy owo: thats where u all come in! my genius plan is that if we have enough people spread out around the monastary at least one of us will be able to spot byleth leaving lol

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: genius indeed

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: how does he do it

sexy owo: alright everyone understand the plan??

draco malfoy: yes.

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: uh huh

girljs: yes!!!

deathknightdestroyer69: mmhmm

haha just kidding… unless?: hell yeah

sexy uwu: yeet

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i think i'll manage

girljs: goshhHHH this is so exciting,, i wonder who the professor's date is!! 💕💕

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: you guys dont think itd be a student, right?

sexy uwu: oh fuck no

sexy uwu: byleth's an adult and most of us are kids youd need at least another five years before anything like that would happen LMAO

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: true haha

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: my bets are on seteth

girljs: ,

haha just kidding… unless?: SE TETH

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: GOD can you imagine

girljs: ferdie i love you, but,

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: no you dont

girljs: ur right i dont

haha just kidding… unless?: lol maybe its rhea

draco malfoy: somehow a worse suggestion than seteth?

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: this is awful

sexy uwu: i dont like this guessing game

deathknightdestroyer69: if it's seteth OR rhea I'm leaving the school

sexy uwu: take me with you

deathknightdestroyer69: sure lol, marianne can come too

sexy uwu: sounds like a plan we'll ride off into the sunset together

girljs: beautiful……………. goodbye my lesbians i will miss u all

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: maybe her date is manuela

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: manuela???

girljs: all of u choose ur next words carefully if any of u insult manuela i WILL smite you 💕

draco malfoy: got it

sexy owo: alright im terrified

girljs: :)

sexy owo: moving on!

sexy owo: it could be hannerman

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: what the FUCK

haha just kidding… unless?: HES LIKE 500 C L A U D E

sexy uwu: ,

sexy uwu: claude youre my best friend and we have a powerful bi solidarity going on. i love you very much, platonically, but if you ever say anything like that ever again i will not hesitate to kill you in a heartbeat for the greater good

sexy owo: ANSHGFJASD IM SORRY I WAS JOKING

girljs: you know what 

girljs: guessing time is over everyone go to bed

sexy uwu: fantastic idea

deathknightdestroyer69: yes please lets do that

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: goodnight to all of you except sylvain and claude

sexy owo: goodnight ingrid :)

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: im blocking you

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: gnight

haha just kidding… unless?: goodnight everyone!

deathknightdestroyer69: night

girljs: night everyone!!! 💖 sweet dreams!!!!

draco malfoy: good night

sexy owo: dimitri youre not sleeping until we finish this chess game :)

draco malfoy: of course

sexy uwu: oh my fucking god you guys

[ the only valid bitches in these houses - 4:26 AM ]

draco malfoy: I WON THE CHESS GAME

sexy owo: FUCK YOU

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: BOTH OF YOU GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

[ the only valid bitches in these houses - 8:12 AM ]

sexy owo: you wake up. its the middle of the night. you hear a knocking on the door. you wonder who it could be at this hour. do you open the door?

sexy uwu: is this an open roleplay

sexy owo: yes

sexy uwu: i open the door

sexy owo: theres no one there

sexy uwu: what the fuck

sexy owo: you hear a knock at the window

sexy uwu: i open the window??

sexy owo: theres someone standing there

haha just kidding… unless?: who is it

sexy owo: its seteth, "its me, seteth" says seteth

girljs: NHSDFGDGH WHAT

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i swear to god

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: can i be seteth

sexy owo: no im seteth you can be the fish

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: the what

sexy owo: the fish

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: oh haha got it :)

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: *flops around*

sexy owo: perfect

girljs: what is happening

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: its too early for this

sexy owo: seteth looks at you

sexy uwu: i look back

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: *the fish flops around*

sexy owo: seteth says "i have a favor to ask of you"

sexy uwu: i close the window

sexy owo: ah

haha just kidding… unless?: the thrilling conclusion

deathknightdestroyer69: can you believe I woke up for *this*

haha just kidding… unless?: why did ferdinand get to be a fish

girljs: hehe i GUESS you could say hes

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: w

girlsj: *ferdinand voice* fishdinand von aegir

haha just kidding… unless?: e

sexy uwu: FISHDINAND

sexy uwu: VON

sexy uwu: AEGIR

haha just kidding… unless?: KSDJSKSDAJS

*ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR: SSTOPPPP

sexy owo: OH MY GOD ADSFHNGFDSGSDFJ

deathknightdestroyer69: LMAO

sexy owo has changed *ferdinand voice* i am FERDINAND VON AEGIR to *ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR.

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: IT

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: WAS ONE TIME

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: THIS ISNT EVEN A GOOD PUN

girljs: okay fishdinand von aegir!!

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i wanna know what favor was seteth going to ask

sexy owo: hm well i guess now youll never know

haha just kidding… unless?: sad

sexy uwu: he was probably just gonna ask for another fish for flayn

girljs: oh my GOD we would have had to sacrifice fishdinand von aegir

haha just kidding… unless?: oh no not fishdinand von aegir :((

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: please no i have so much to live for

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: its for a good cause

sleepy bitch disease is online.

girljs: morning lindhardt!! 💕

sleepy bitch disease: what is this?

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: oh right u werent here last night were u

sexy owo: how dare you not be awake at 2am to scheme

sleep bitch disease: my bad

girljs: its lindhardt whatd you expect haha

sexy owo: fair

sleepy bitch disease: give me a moment to backread

sleepy bitch disease: alright got it

girljs: that was fast

sleepy bitch disease: mmhmm

sleepy bitch disease: wake me up at noon i'll be there

sleepy bitch disease is offline.

sexy owo: alright everyone we have over three hours to get in position

sexy uwu: damn do you think we'll make it in time

sexy owo: shut the up im just being prepared

sexy uwu: my bad

creeper is online.

creeper: So.

girljs: so

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: so???

creeper: Have you determined a suitable plan of action?

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: please speak like a normal person im begging you

creeper: No.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: alright!

haha just kidding… unless?: yeah we got a plan

haha just kidding… unless?: not to flex or anything but its pretty damn good ;)

creeper: Do tell.

sexy owo: so we're gonna spread out the monastery and pray someone sees byleth leaving for her date

creeper: 

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: HHSNSDFGNDASGDSFH

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: HUBERT U GOOD

girljs: hes in shock

creeper: Just a little taken aback. But I suppose your sorry excuse for a plan is better than nothing.

sexy owo: u flatter me

sexy owo: alright everyone we gotta plan our locations

sexy owo: i got eyes on the dining hall

haha just kidding… unless?: ill watch the training grounds

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: lmfao gee i wonder why

haha just kidding… unless?: what

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: nothing

girljs: sylvain ur so unsubtle its sad

haha just kidding… unless?: WHAT

sexy uwu: gee i wonder whos at the training grounds!

deathknightdestroyer69: I can't even begin to guess

haha just kidding… unless?: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: i'll head to the stable

girljs: im at the greenhouse! i hope it's alright if edie's here with me too??

sexy owo: sure thats fine

girljs: thx ur the best claude 💕💕💕

sexy uwu: ill take the marketplace

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i'll go to the cathedral?

deathknightdestroyer69: I'll stay at the fishing pond, byleth's bound to come past here sometime lmao

sexy owo: good point

girljs: watch out fishdinand von aegir the professor's coming for ur family

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: i just cant catch a break today huh!

sexy uwu: u cant catch a break ever

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: true

sleepy bitch disease is online.

sleepy bitch disease: i'm already at the library so i'll wait here

creeper: I'll watch the Entrance Hall.

draco malfoy: ill be at the dormitories

sexy owo: alright everyones got their places then

sexy owo: lets roll out

sexy owo: ✋😎🤚

sexy uwu: ✋😎🤚

deathknightdestroyer: ✋😎🤚

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: for the last time no one is gonna join your cult

draco malfoy: ✋😎🤚

sexy owo: ,

sexy uwu: ,

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ,

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: DIMITRI

draco malfoy: what i thought we were all doing it

haha just kidding… unless?: oh my fucking GOD

sexy uwu: AADHSFGSFDHGDSFHJ

sexy uwu: HES OFFICIALLY ONE OF US WE HAVE SCREENSHOTTED PROOF

sexy owo: our impact wow!!!

girljs: i DONT know what just happened but i have the feeling dimitri fucked up

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: constant mood

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: if i say ✋😎🤚 too does that mean i can join the cult

girljs: dont you dare u gotta be loyal to the black eagles

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: all you guys do is bully me and you expect loyalty???

girljs: im glad u understand!!

deathknightdestroyer69: sorry ferdinand, no thotties allowed

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: then why is dimitri allowed?

sexy owo: SDDHGSDFHSDFGFS OH MY GOD

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: DIMITRI A THOTTIE

draco malfoy: what??

sexy uwu: asnhsdfghj shit u right sorry dimitri u gotta go

deathknightdestroyer69: golden deer is chads only! :)

sexy owo: NO TEA JUST FACTS

haha just kidding… unless?: ASIDDSFHGDF

creeper: Are you all intending on wasting your time on this useless 'banter', or are you going to get in position?

girljs: lmao 'banter'

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: sorry sir

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: fun police is here

sexy owo: SCATTER

[ the only valid bitches in these houses - 11:47 AM ]

deathknightdestroyer69: I have eyes on the professor

haha just kidding… unless?: arent u like 15 thats a lil weird

deathknightdestroyer69: not in that way you dumb fucker

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: sylvain youre so fucking stupid

haha just kidding… unless?: IM SORRY I CANT THINK STRAIGHT RN

sexy owo: ha

sexy owo: interesting choice of words u got there, sylvain ;)

haha just kidding… unless?: ,

girljs: oh did u see a certain someone at the training grounds ;)

sexy uwu: ;)

haha just kidding… unless?: i havethe right to remain silent anything i say can and will be used against me

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: but you have no rights

haha just kidding… unless?: what i MEANT when i said i cant think straight is because im bored as fuck from camping at the training grounds for THREE HOURS

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: lmao what have u been there this entire time

sexy uwu: u realise u didnt have to be there for so long right

sexy uwu: im only just heading to the marketplace now

haha just kidding… unless?: wait fr

deathknightdestroyer69: sylvain you're so fucking sad

draco malfoy: have you really just been at the training grounds alone for three hours?

haha just kidding… unless?: i wasnt alone felix was here for a while but then he left

sexy uwu: HE SAID IT

girljs: AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

sexy owo: THERE IT IS

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i cant believe he fell for that

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: LADES N GENTLEMEN… WE GOTTEM

sleepy bitch disease: predictable

haha just kidding… unless?: oh my god STOP MAKING THIS WEIRD

deathknightdestroyer69: I'd love to stay and bully sylvain, but byleth just left the fishing pond, so can we return to this conversation later

sexy owo: OH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

haha just kidding… unless?: id rather never return to it thank you

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: no can do buddy

deathknightdestroyer69: she's heading towards the greenhouse

girljs: got it, im here so ill keep u guys updated

sexy owo: be subtle

girljs: i will!! dw

girljs: to the professor itll just look like edie and i are on a date ;) 💖

sexy uwu: genius

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: lesbianism, the perfect cover

girljs: aight i see byleth coming imma put my phone away for a sec

girljs is offline.

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: keep us updated!

sexy owo: this is so intense oh my god

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i have no idea who the professors date is and to be honest i'm a little scared

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: what if it really IS seteth

haha just kidding… unless?: please dont say that

girljs is online.

girljs: alright byleth just came by, grabbed some flowers, and left

sexy uwu: omg she got flowers for her date?? adorable

girljs: I KNW RIGHT 💖💕💓💞

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: wow seteth is a lucky man

haha just kidding… unless?: PLEASE STOP WITH THE SETETH JOKES ITS TOO SCARY TO THINK ABOUT

draco malfoy: i really doubt it's seteth

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i appreciate ur optimism dimitri

sexy owo: wait fuck does anyone know where byleth went next

sleepy bitch disease: not at the library

draco malfoy: i dont see her either

sexy owo: ANYONE???

creeper: Don't be concerned. I'm following her.

sexy owo: ,

girljs: ur what

creeper: I have been for the past hour. I don't believe she's noticed me yet.

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: should i be scared or impressed

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: definitely scared

deathknightdestroyer69: I'm impressed

girljs: hubie i knew you were the right person to ask for help!!

draco malfoy: is this? something we should be praising?

creeper: She is heading in the direction of the marketplace.

sexy uwu: oh!! thats me

sexy uwu: I SEE HER

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: god this is SO intense

sexy uwu: shes got the flowers and everything omggggg

haha just kidding… unless?: can you see seteth anywhere

sexy uwu: nope

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: THANK GOD

sexy uwu: SHES TALKING TO SOMEONE

girljs: WHO IS IT

sexy uwu: ITS

sexy uwu: the gatekeeper???

sexy owo: , who?

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: is she just having conversation or is that her date???

sexy uwu: SHE JUST HANDED HIM THE FLOWERS

girljs: OMG

girljs: wait this is the gatekeeper at the marketplace right???? i think i spoke to him once before!!!

girljs: hes really sweet actually byleth has good taste 💖💖💖

sleepy bitch disease: indeed, he's quite friendly

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: im just so relieved it wasnt seteth you have no idea

sexy owo: god me too

deathknightdestroyer69: nice I don't have to leave the school now

draco malfoy: i hope the professor is happy

sexy uwu: she looks happy!! shes smiling

draco malfoy: is it one of her real smiles or a fake one

sexy uwu: how????? am i supposed to tell????????

haha just kidding… unless?: take a picture we'll be the judge

sexy uwu: aight lmao

sexy uwu: [ Image attachment: the_only_valid_hets.png ]

draco malfoy: yeah thats a real smile she's happy

girljs: THEYRE SO CUTE IM GONNA CRY

haha just kidding… unless?: wow im jealous??

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: he makes her happy… seteth could never…

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: next time someone says seteth's name in this chat im coming for you and i will not have mercy

deathknightdestroyer69: honestly? they're cute. the gatekeeper's a cool guy

sexy owo: successful mission everyone i'm proud of us

deathknightdestroyer69: what now?

sexy uwu: what do you mean??

deathknightdestroyer69: do we just leave it here? or do we… I don't know, try to follow them on the date or something? to see how it goes?

creeper: I could do that. Easily.

sexy uwu: tbh id be down

girljs: nfdh

girljs: ds8asdsdfwkrjl32./

sexy owo: , dorothea????

girljs has added Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe to the chat.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: you will do nothing of the sort.

sexy owo: DOROTHEA

girljs: IMSORRY SHE TOOK MY P HONE

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: really, you lot? following our teacher on her date?

sexy owo: so this is how it ends

sexy uwu: it was a good run ill miss you all

haha just kidding… unless?: im too beautiful to die like this

sleepy bitch disease: it was nice while it lasted

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: goodbye everyone i will be reunited with my fish family soon…

creeper: Lady Edelgard, my sincerest apologies.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i'm not mad. but i will be telling byleth of this- she has a right to know.

deathknightdestroyer69: we really are screwed huh

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: it was for the greater good

sexy owo: IT WAS DIMITRIS FAULT HE PLANNED ALL OF THIS

draco malfoy: what the fuck claude

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: you're here too, dimitri? i thought better of you than this.

draco malfoy: no, you didnt

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: no i didn't you're right

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: it was definitely dimitris fault blame him

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i'm not blaming anyone. i'm just telling the professor, alright? i'm sure she won't mind so much, anyways.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: just don't follow her on her date.

girljs: gotcha babe

sexy uwu: im still counting this as a success!

sexy owo: u know what?? me too

sexy owo: great job everyone :)

[ Shared Chatroom - 5:26 PM ]

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: i cant BELIEVE

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: you guys STALKED the professor to find out her date

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: and DIDNT INVITE ME

sexy owo: my bad

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: do you lot really have nothing better to do with your time? this is pathetic.

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Yeah guys, that was super immature

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: But at least everything worked out in the end, yeah?

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I won't lie… I'm very interested in hearing about the professor's date, ehe! I hope it went well!

Jared, 19: I am in agreement with this! I hope she did have a good time.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: the professor will be back shortly, i'm sure you can ask her all about it.

sexy uwu: so this really is the final countdown huh

deathknightdestroyer69: we have mere minutes left to live

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: you guys should see dimitri rn lmfao he's so panicked

sexy owo: hows his written apology going

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: hes on his fourth draft so far its five pages long

haha just kidding… unless?: what a trooper

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: what an idiot.

girljs: you guys are stressing too much!!! im sure byleth wont be that mad 💕

Marianne: uu,, for you guys' sake, i hope so too,, ,,

spill the tea kween is online.

spill the tea kween: Well.

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: oh god here it comes

sexy owo: hilda if i dont come out of this alive,

sexy owo: tell lorenz hes a bottom

sexy uwu: I WILL CLAUDE I W ILL

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: im right here, you know.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ive had some time to reflect and you know what im ready to die

spill the tea kween: I'm not entirely sure what to say.

haha just kidding… unless?: FELIX HOLD ME IM SCARED

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: you're on your own.

draco malfoy: professor i am SO sorry please do not be mad. i am working on my written apology right now so if you give me just ten more minutes i can deliver it to you i promise

spill the tea kween: I'm not mad, don't worry.

girljs: woah really

sexy owo: …...so we're NOT gonna die????

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: honestly, you guys deserve a harsher punishment than this

spill the tea kween: Punishments won't be necessary.

spill the tea kween: I'm sure you all won't try anything like this again, after all. And at least you were stopped before you tried to follow me on my date.

spill the tea kween: So, no, I'm not mad.

sexy uwu: WE LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY

haha just kidding… unless?: THANK YOU GOD

draco malfoy: thank you for being fair, professor.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Professor, I'm sorry, I just have to ask!

spill the tea kween: The date was lovely, Mercedes. The gatekeeper is very sweet.

sexy uwu: CUTE

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I'm happy for you both!

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i'm glad all is well.

Jared, 19: That is some very lovely news, professor! I am happy also.

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: professor please invite me to tea.

spill the tea kween: Would you look at the time, I must be off.

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: ah i see.

sexy owo: SHDHNSDFGHJ RIP LORENZ

deathknightdestroyer69: brutal

spill the tea kween: Behave yourselves while I'm gone, alright?

sexy owo: will do teach!

draco malfoy: of course.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i'll make sure everyone stays in line.

spill the tea kween: Good.

spill the tea kween is offline.

girljs: so about that minecraft server

Chapter Text

[ Shared Chatroom - 10:29 AM ]

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: FERDINAND

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: THIS IS REVENGE FOR FERDINAND VON AEGIR JR YOU DESERVE IT

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: can y'all keep it down I'm just tryna breed my sheep

sleepy bitch disease: wow, i can hear caspar screaming

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: THIS WAS THE LAST FUCKING STRAW IM COMING FOR FERDINAND VON AEGIR JR THE SECOND

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: YOU WOULDNT DARE

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: YES I FUCKING WOULD BITCH

sexy owo: can i please get a waffle

girljs: i've missed this

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: if you come within 50 blocks of ferdinand von aegir jr. the second i will nuke your entire base caspar i KNOW where you live and i will not hesitate

sleep bitch disease: dont do that, i live here too

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: im sorry lindhardt some sacrifices have to be made

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: I WILL SLAY FERDINAND VON AEGIR JR THE SECOND AND EVERY FERDINAND VON AEGIR JR THAT FOLLOWS

sexy owo: can i PLEASE get a waffle

haha just kidding... unless?: i dont even go here

deathknightdestroyer69: remind me again who thought this was a good idea

girljs: guilty ;)) 💖

sexy uwu: lysithea you say that as if youre not super into it too

sexy uwu: ive seen your elaborate redstone creations. they scare me

deathknightdestroyer69: good. be afraid

sexy uwu: I AM

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: buckle the fuck up ferdinand youre lucky im even bothering to give you a warning. lindhardt and i are coming for you and then youll be sorry

sleepy bitch disease: leave me out of this

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: LINDHARDT I NEED YOUR SUPPORT

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Why don't we all just take a moment to calm down, yeah?

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: It's just a silly video game, after all!

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: THIS IS MORE THAN "JUST A SILLY VIDEO GAME" THIS IS WAR

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: THIS IS JUSTICE

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: you're getting too worked up over this, ferdinand, caspar. i only agreed to bringing the server back because you lot promised to be civil.

girljs: let them brawl it out edie theyll cool off eventually 💞

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade is online.

haha just kidding… unless?: hi felix

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: who did it.

sleepy bitch disease: huh

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: lmao felix u good

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: whoever it was, i WILL find you.

oovoo javer: wow i feel threatened and i dont even know what hes talking about??

girljs: hm mood

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: Felix. We cannot help you if you don't elaborate.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: i will find whoever took my diamonds and i will ruin your life.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade is offline.

haha just kidding… unless?: ,

haha just kidding… unless?: oh my god hes out for BLOOD

sexy owo: HDJASDGHF SOMEONES GONNA DIE

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: whoever did it i both respect and fear for you

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: it should go without saying, but please restrict the violence to within the video game.

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: haha thanks for the reminder edelgard i was actually planning on going and murdering caspar in his sleep :)

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: try it bitch you wont

sexy uwu: claude whered you put our iron

sexy owo: sorry i used it all

sexy uwu: ,

sexy uwu: on what

sexy owo: iron golem

sexy uwu: ALL OF IT???

sexy owo: yeah go check in the farm haha you can see the iron golem there

sexy owo: you can name him if you want :)

sexy uwu: okay youre forgiven i love him

Marianne: i can go collect some more iron if you guys wwant,,?

sexy uwu: ur the best marianne ill come w u!!

Marianne: aaaa u dont have to but thank y ou!! ;; id appreciate it

girljs: see edie this is the type of pure content that the minecraft server produces, how could you be against this 💕💕💕

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i suppose you have a point.

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: i am going to kill that iron golem.

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: as revenge for the injustice of my username.

girljs: oh dear

sexy uwu: DONT YOU FUCKING DARE

girljs: lorenz i am trying to convince my girlfriend to switch her anti-minecraft stance and you are not helping

sexy owo: alright lorenz? this means war

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: implying you guys weren't already at war…

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Let's all just take a moment to calm down, please!

draco malfoy: can you guys just relax and enjoy the game?

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade is online.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: i cant figure out who took my diamonds so i'm blaming dimitri.

draco malfoy: ,

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ASDJHDSFHG RIP

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: when in doubt, blame Dimitri

haha just kidding… unless?: woah im not getting the blame for once?? nice

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: we share resources, sylvain. you'd have no reason to lie to me about it if it were you.

girljs: lmfao gay

draco malfoy: it wasn't me?

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: watch yourself, dimitri.

draco malfoy: WHAT

[ Shared Chatroom - 2:12 PM ]

sexy uwu: yo marianne, claude and i are gonna go shopping, can you defend the base for a while??

Marianne: !! ill try my best,,!!

sexy uwu: thx ur the best <3

deathknightdestroyer69: you'd have to be a monster to attack marianne while she was alone

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i would not put it past some people here.

sexy uwu: claude and i are the resident 'protect marianne' squad if any of u touch her while we're gone we're coming for u

sexy owo: we'll set our iron golem on you then youll be sorry

sexy uwu: yeah you dont wanna fuck with seteth the iron golem

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: ...Seteth?

haha just kidding… unless?: FDSHDGJSDG SETET H THE IRON GOLEM

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: oh my god

Jared, 19: That is certainly an interesting name choice!

oovoo javer: ,

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: wow

so basically, im babey: ehhhe what a nice name!!

deathknightdestroyer69: I can't believe you guys named your iron golem seteth.

sexy uwu: stop hating ur all just jealous ;)))

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: u got me there chief i wish i could come up with names like that

girljs: yeah lmfao u just name all ur pets ferdinand von aegir jr

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: its a flawless system??

Marianne: ddont worry hilda, claude, im sure no one will aattack me while you guys are gone!! ;;;

Marianne: i have,,,, , , seteth the iron golem here to protect mme after all !!

sexy owo: valid point

sexy uwu: marianne id die for u

Marianne: please dont ;;;;;

sexy uwu: no promises

sexy uwu: anyways claude and i are heading out now, cya guys 😎

girljs: have fun!! 💖

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: stay safe.

haha just kidding… unless?: hsdfhdfgj theyre just going shopping edelgard im pretty sure theyll be safe

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i have my doubts.

sexy owo: ur lack of faith wounds me edelgard

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: how unfortunate.

draco malfoy: have fun, you two

sexy uwu: we will!!! cy'all later

sexy uwu is offline.

sexy owo is offline.

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: did she just say "cy'all"

sleepy bitch disease: lmao wow

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: cy'all… hm. I don't like that

girljs: YEAH…….. that was kinda cursed

haha just kidding... unless?: *tips cowboy hat* cy'all ;)

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: thanks! you made it worse

haha just kidding... unless?: anytime!

girljs: okay ive already had enough can we stop talking about cy'all!!!!

Jared, 19: Dorothea, while you are here- may I ask for your assistance?

girljs: anything for u petra ily!!! 💞 whats up

Jared, 19: I am currently trying to get the plants to be planted, but I keep moving on them and they turn back into dirt? How do I fix this?

girljs: oh u just gotta be careful not to jump on them!! ill come help u out in a sec

Jared, 19: Thank you, Dorothea! 💖

girljs: ofc 💖

draco malfoy: alright.

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: Is everything alright, Dimitri?

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: dimitri whipping out the full stops its boutta go down

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w< : we had a whole two minutes of peace, now it's back to war

haha just kidding... unless?: dimitri's here to brawl

so basically, im babey: ooooo!! intense

draco malfoy: who blew up my storage room.

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: Someone blew up your storage room?

draco malfoy: yes. i have lost all my sugarcane

haha just kidding... unless?: USDFHJDS OH NO NOT THE SUGARCANE

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: how will he go on……..

oovoo javer: hey stop mocking him!!! the man is mourning his intense loss

draco malfoy: i am not playing games. tell me which of you did this

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: he is NOT playing games huh

haha just kidding... unless?: wow i've never seen dimitri this intense about anything except maybe the shampoo incident

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: UFSDHDG THE SHAMPOO INCIDENT

girljs: i keep hearing references to this shampoo incident and i dont understand what it is?? please someone tell me this story

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: i will one day dorothea but we have more urgent matters at the moment

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: namely: dimitri is out for blood and i want to watch this go down

Jared, 19: He is out for blood..? Is blood not on the inside of our bodies?

girljs: its a saying petra, ill dm u the explanation alright?? 💕

Jared, 19: I would appreciate this, thank you!

draco malfoy: i won't ask again, who did it

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: wasn't me i'm too busy planning to kill caspar

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: come at me i'm ready

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i know i will naturally be a suspect, but i would like to say it wasn't me.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: wasnt me either lmao

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: I am not sure who is behind this, Dimitri, but I will do my absolute best to track them down.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: there's no need. it was me.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Oh… oh, dear.

haha just kidding... unless?: USDFJHFDGJ FELIX

haha just kidding... unless?: OH MY GOD

girljs: THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN………

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: I wish Claude and Hilda were here right now, they would be losing their minds

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: nevermind them I'M losing my mind holy shit

draco malfoy: felix.

sleepy bitch disease: wow, he's serious about this

Marianne: ehhh hh guys pplease dont actually get mad at each other its!! rlly just  a game ;;;;

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: Felix. I'm disappointed in you.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Hey, now, Marianne's right. It's just a game!

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: u die in the game u die in real life

deathknightdestroyer69: stop.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: i don't regret anything. if you wish to fight me over this, dimitri, then we fight.

haha just kidding… unless?: YALL CHILL ITS JUST MINECRAFT AJHDSFNGHJ

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: just minecraft?? you absolute fool

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: you guys are getting very worked up over this. i hate to repeat myself, but please, don't take this too far.

draco malfoy: then we fight, felix. sleep with one eye open.

draco malfoy: dedue, meet me in the dining hall. we have plans to make.

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: Of course.

draco malfoy is offline.

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree??? is offline.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: what just happened

deathknightdestroyer69: this is sad to watch

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: sylvain. training grounds. five minutes.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade is offline.

haha just kidding… unless?: ,

haha just kidding… unless?: what

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: u heard the man, training grounds five minutes

girljs: enjoy ur date sylvain!!!! 💕💕

haha just kidding… unless?: its?? not?? a date???

deathknightdestroyer69: plotting dimitri's minecraft murder… what a romantic date

girljs: ugh goals

Marianne: hhave fun sylvain,,!!

haha just kidding… unless?: ITS NOT A DATE YOU FUCKERS

haha just kidding… unless? is offline.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: there he goes

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: aat this rate everyones going to be fightign with eahc other, ,, eeeee please dontattack me//

girljs: its ok bern us black eagles girls gotta stick together!! ill watch out for u 💕

Jared, 19: I will also!

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: aa,,, , yyou guys donthave to but thank you ;;;;;;//

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: the amount of conflict stemming from this game is very concerning… i would appreciate it if the rest of you tried to remain civil.

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: i'm coming to kill that iron golem while claude and hilda aren't here.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: what did i JUST say.

Marriane: EHH LORENZ PLEASE DONT ;;;;;

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: you have been warned.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: wow attacking while just marianne is there?? thats a low blow

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: admittedly, she is not my intended target, but this is the safest time for me to strike. i won't pass up this oppurtunity.

Marianne: nno really please dont i dont want to fight in this game ;;;

girljs: marianne give me ur coords im coming to defend u

Marianne: rreally??? i'll dm you thank you,,,

girljs: ofc i gotta protect my girls 💕💕💕

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I'll come help you too, Marianne!

girljs: LEGENDS SUPPORTING LEGENDS 💖

girljs: lorenz this is ur time to reconsider u cant take all of us ;))) ✨✨✨

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: i will not reconsider unless i get a name change.

girljs: well then ur going down

girljs: @Jared, 19 @I haven't seen the sun in 84 years pls defend our base while im gone ladies 💖

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: iiiill do my best !!/ imsorry if i fail

girljs: dw u wont fail bernie ive seen u with a bow in minecraft… ur fierce

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: ive experienced bernadettas minecraft rage firsthand. terrifying

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: i still get flashbacks. dont fuck with bernadetta youll regret it

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: imsorry ;;;;

girljs: dont apologize queen u got this!!!

Jared, 19: I will do my best to defend as well!

girljs: thank u queen

girljs: @Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe pls watch over our mooshroom son!! 💖💖💖

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i will do so with pride.

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: ur… ur what

girljs: edie and i have a mooshroom hes our son and we love him

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: does he have a name??

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: he doesn't need one. he is perfect even without one.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: o….. okay??

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I must say, it's rare to see Edelgard's affectionate side! ...Even if it is for just a mooshroom.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: he isn't just a mooshroom.

girljs: he is our son!!!

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Aw, that's sweet!

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i'll protect our son with my life while you are gone, dorothea. good luck on your journey.

sleepy bitch disease: you're all acting so dramatic about… minecraft

sleepy bitch disease: you realise she's not heading out to war or anything, right?

girljs: no this IS war and im ready to fight

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: this is indeed war- one i plan to win.

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: seteth the iron golem is going down.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I do wish we didn't have to resort to fighting… Marianne, I'll be at your base soon, alright?

Marianne: rlly thank you both ;;;;

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Annette, Ingrid, Ashe, watch over our sheep while I'm gone! I'd hope no one would raid our base, we really don't have anything special…

so basically, im babey: i'll defend our 15 iron ingots with my life mercedes!!!!

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: That's the spirit!

creeper: I'm inclined to agree with Lindhardt's earlier statement. You are all making a very big deal over a very small game.

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: says the person who went mining for diamonds for five hours straight then screamed at the top of his lungs when he fell into lava

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: USDFHSDH HE WHAT

creeper: That did not happen.

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: SO THATS WHAT THAT NOISE WAS

creeper: This is untrue.

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Uh-huh

[ Shared Chatroom - 3:04 PM ]

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: it is time for seteth the iron golem to breathe his last breath.

girljs: come at us we're ready

Marianne: oor we could just talk this out?,, ;;

girljs: im sorry marianne but this is war. just remember we are fighting for seteth the iron golem

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I'm sure it won't last long, anyways! It's us three against Lorenz, after all…

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I hope that doesn't make it an unfair fight!

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: theres no fairness in war so its okay

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: everyone place your bets now whos gonna win

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: wow, I wonder

deathknightdestroyer69: lmfao lorenz is gonna get his ass kicked there's no question

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: are you all really still going on about this?

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: of course they are edelgard whatd you expect

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i suppose i was hoping for some maturity.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: some what

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: edelgard you should know better than to hope for that lol

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: this is getting tiring, fast.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: @Marianne @girljs I believe I see Lorenz's nametag! He has arrived.

sleepy bitch disease: he has arrived… how ominous

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: it's about to go DOWN

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: and im not talking about lorenz vs seteth the iron golem 

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: :)

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: ,

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: CASPAR YOU BITCH

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: :)

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: ...what just happened? I saw the message that ferdinand died in the game chat

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: OH MY GOD

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FELL TODAY

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: FERDINAND VON AEGIR JR THE SECOND… HAS LOST HIS LIFE

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: wait what the fuck is happening i thought we were talking about lorenz

sleep bitch disease: caspar killed ferdinand and his parrot

so basically, im babey: aw, not the parrot.. :c

sleepy bitch disease: f

so basically, im babey: f!

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: F

girljs: f

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: I WILL AVENGE FERDINAND VON AEGIR JR AND FERDINAND VON AEGIR JR THE SECOND IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: TRY IT ASSHOLE YOU WONT

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: ILL JUST BLOW YOU UP AGAIN IT WAS FUCKING EASY

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: FUCKING FIGHT ME I WONT GO DOWN SO EASILY AGAIN

girljs: omg i want to watch this go down but i also want to fight lorenz.. im torn

Marianne: EE I FORGOT ABOUT LORENZ IS HE HERE YET

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Marianne, Dorothea… I don't believe we have any reason to worry.

Marriane: eeh rlly?? ;;

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Look at Seteth the iron golem.

girljs: ,

girljs: OH MY GOD

Marriane: OH

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: would you guys mind explaining what's going on for the sake of the people who aren't currently standing next to you in minecraft? I'm curious lol

girljs: LORENZ IS GETTING FUCKED UP BY SETETH THE IRON GOLEM

deathknightdestroyer69: LMAO FOR REAL?

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: it appears i have miscalculated.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: this is gold

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Ah, I hope it's not too rude to say this is a little funny to watch!

girljs: im crying yo he didnt stand a chance

Marianne: ahh,, , i guess i was worried about nothing after all

girljs: aaaaaand hes dead

sleepy bitch disease: f

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: f

deathknightdestroyer69: F

oovoo javer: f

so basically, im babey: f!!

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: F!

Marianne: f,,

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: dorothea, mercedes, marianne- i don't suppose any of you three would return to me the items dropped upon my death?

girljs: absolutely not, this is mariannes base so these items legally belong to her now

Marianne: r,, rlly?? ;;

girljs: ofc its all urs 💖

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: you haven't seen the last of me. seteth the iron golem will die by my hand- i will make sure of it.

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :( is offline.

oovoo javer: he sounds like a disney movie villain??

so basically, im babey: ohh, you're right!! he does sound like one :o

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: This is a little more intense than a Disney movie, though!

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: the only disney movie villain here is going to be me when i destroy caspar and everything he holds dear

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: as amusing as this is to witness, it's getting out of hand- and i'm getting tired of repeating myself.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: all of you, behave yourselves from now on. i don't want to see any more of this fighting.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: in case you had forgotten, the professor has access to this chat, and can witness all of you being ridiculous.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i'll say it one last time- all of you, grow up.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe is offline.

deathknightdestroyer69: is she actually mad?

girljs: dw she'll cool down eventually 💖 if not i can talk to her!!

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Ah, I had forgotten the professor was in this chat…

spill the tea kween is online.

deathknightdestroyer69: how does she magically appear every time we talk about her

girljs: its her sixth professor sense

so basically, im babey: hello, professor!!

spill the tea kween: Hello, all of you. I heard you were playing Minecraft?

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: hell yeah we are

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: oh no is she gonna kick our ass

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: just remember, when in doubt blame dimitri

girljs: sfdhdfnfhds hes not even here and ur gonna throw him under the bus like that… brutal

spill the tea kween: Ah, no, I wasn't planning on kicking any ass today.

spill the tea kween: I'd actually like to join you all in this game, someday. It sounds like quite the experience.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Oh! That sounds like a lovely idea, professor!

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: why do I get the feeling byleth would be absolutely terrifying in minecraft?

deathknightdestroyer69: she'd kill all of you instantly. i'm sure i could take her, though

spill the tea kween: I'm more interested in the fishing aspect of the game than the killing, actually.

girljs: SFHJGDFSJSFHGSDJ OF COURSE

[ Shared Chatroom - 4:39 PM ]

sexy uwu: [ Image attachment: twinning.png   ]

sexy uwu: its ya bois!!!! we went shoppin

haha just kidding… unless?: what is claude doing???

sexy owo: secret sign of the golden deer

sexy uwu: ✋😎🤚

sexy owo: ✋😎🤚

girljs: YALL….. GORGEOUS 💕💕💕

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: You two look like you're enjoying your shopping- I'm glad!

Marianne: ✋😎🤚

deathknightdestroyer69: ✋😎🤚

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: ✋😎🤚

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: dont you guys ever get tired of your weird cult shit?

sexy owo: of course not who do you think we are

draco malfoy is online.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: hey dimitri

haha just kidding... unless?: wow do u guys think dimitri was summoned by the weird hand gestures

draco malfoy: hi ingrid

draco malfoy: what do you mean, sylvain?

haha just kidding... unless?: like… u returned the gesture not once, but twice… and now as soon as they all started doing it, u came online……. maybe ur bound to the golden deer now. maybe whenever they do their weird hand sign thing youll sense it and come online

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: do you ever read your messages before you send them

haha just kidding... unless?: of course not

sexy uwu: its not a "weird hand sign thing" its the secret sign of the golden deer thank u very much!!

haha just kidding... unless?: my bad! dimitri maybe you were summoned by the secret sign of the golden deer

sexy uwu: much better :)

girljs: nah i bet he was summoned by claude coming online

draco malfoy: what

girljs: nothing!!!!!

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade is online.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: dimitri.

draco malfoy: felix.

sexy owo: ,

sexy owo: what the fuck is happening are you guys okay

Marianne: ahhh you guys have missed a lot while you were out,,,

sexy uwu: oh god please tell me seteth the iron golem is okay???

Marianne: yyes!! hes fine ;;;

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Hilda, Claude, you two really have missed a lot- I'll DM you both and fill you in, alright?

sexy uwu: thanks mercedes!!

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Of course!

draco malfoy: the time of your downfall is near, felix. you will regret destroying my sugarcane.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: JSDNSDGS YALL PLEASE CHILL

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: as you will regret stealing my diamonds, dimitri.

draco malfoy: I DIDN'T STEAL YOUR FUCKING DIAMONDS

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: YOURE ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNEW WHERE MY BASE WAS AND SYLVAIN OR INGRID WOULDNT HAVE FUCKING DONE IT

Marianne: AHH YOU GUYS ;; PLS CALM DOWN

sleepy bitch disease: dear god

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: ive literally never seen them so mad in my life

sexy uwu: ALRIGHT MERCEDES JUST CAUGHT ME UP

sexy uwu: LORENZ YOU MOTHERFUCKER HOW DARE YOU THREATEN MARIANNE AND SETETH THE IRON GOLEM

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: i will not apologize.

Jared, 19: Oh, dear- this is getting very 'out of hand', as I believe the saying is!

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: fuck this, fuck the plan, dimitri i'm coming to kill you right fucking now.

haha just kidding… unless?: ah shit guess i gotta go too then

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: Try it. We will cut you down.

draco malfoy: dedue, get our horses. we will meet them halfway to battle.

sexy owo: what timeline is this. where am i

girljs: im starting to see edie's point sdhjgsfdsd yall are way too intense

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Does everyone just want to take a few deep breaths to calm down?

so basically, im babey: that sounds like a good idea!! :o

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: I'm outta here, someone call me when you guys stop being stupid

sexy uwu: hey lorenz send me ur coords i just wanna talk

Marianne: hilda pplease its fine seteth the iron golem is okay ;;;;;;

sexy uwu: im sorry marianne but i am fighting not only for seteth the iron golem, but my pride and dignity as well

Marianne: aah i see,,??

girljs: thats the spirit hilda!!!

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: hhhhhhhhe y dor othea?? um

girljs: are you alright, bern???

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: i think isee peoplecoming for our base/

girljs: WAIT WHO IS IT???

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: um theyre

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: ttheyre coming from both sides iii

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: think irecognise felixand dimitris nametags,,>???

girljs: youve gotta be fucking kidding me

girljs: CANT YOU GUYS FIGHT SOMEWHERE ELSE

draco malfoy: no.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: no.

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: This is a convienient location. We will fight here.

Jared, 19: Oh, dear… how is it that our base happened to be where they would meet?

Jared, 19: I do hope that they do not end up destroying anything of our belongings!

girljs: , 

girljs: the fuckers just placed tnt

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: how does it feel to have your base blown up HUH dorothea

girljs: FUCK IT LADIES WE'RE JOINING THE FIGHT

girljs: BERN YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: on it !!!!

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: now you lot have done it.

haha just kidding… unless?: oh my god YOU GUYS WERENT KIDDING WHEN YOU SAID SHE WAS GOOD WITH A BOW

haha just kidding… unless?: there goes three of my wolves ill miss them

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: IMREALLYSORRY

draco malfoy: dedue, cover me while i place the last of my tnt.

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: Of course.

girljs: or you could Not Do That

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Ah… you guys take this game very seriously, you know that?...

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: just sit back and watch it burn mercedes theres nothing we can do

sexy owo: JUST GONNA STAND THERE AND WATCH ME BURN

draco malfoy: but thats alright because i like the way it hurts

sexy owo: ,

sexy uwu: H

sexy uwu: NFHASDMSDFGHSJKFADSGJAKSDGSDFK

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: OH MY GOD DIMITRI LMAO

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: in the middle of an intense minecraft battle and yet he'll still spare a moment for rihanna

sexy owo: dimitri you absolute legend i knew i could count on you to not leave me hanging

draco malfoy: cant talk, i'm about to blow up this whole place

girljs: THATS OUR BASE WE HAVENT DONE ANYTHING WRONG???

Jared, 19: Please, we can talk through this!

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: dimitri if you don't light that fucking tnt i will.

haha just kidding… unless?: i'm so glad bernadetta shot me down earlier this fight sounds way too intense to be a part of

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: imrlly sorry for killi ng you sylvain ;;;;;

haha just kidding… unless?: hey dont sweat it ;)

draco malfoy: if doing this lags the server, i apologize in advance.

girljs: ,

haha just kidding… unless?: ,

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: e

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: Ah.

Jared, 19: My screen just turned a white colour… is this supposed to be happening?

girljs: IT CRASHED MY GAME

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: hm. mine as well.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: im not even near you guys and my game crashed what the fuck how much tnt did you guys place

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: my ggame crashed too ;;;

sexy owo: i cannot believe this

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Oh…

girljs: i restarted my game

girljs: oh my gosh. our entire base. gone.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe is online.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: what happened now?

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: dimitri and felix brawled too hard and broke minecraft

girljs: edie they blew up our base and crashed the game :((

draco malfoy: i suppose there were no winners in this war.

haha just kidding… unless?: yeah because you guys killed everyone??

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: hm.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i see.

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: edelgardplease dont be mmad ..

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i'm not mad, actually. have you all cooled off, now?

draco malfoy: yeah i think i'm good, i can forgive felix for destroying my sugarcane

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: as am i. i'm sorry for wrongfully accusing you of taking my diamonds, dimitri.

draco malfoy: apology accepted.

sexy uwu: lorenz i think you learned your lesson the first time you tried to fuck with seteth the iron golem, so im not gonna hunt you down and kill you anymore

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: and i apologize for attempting to kill seteth in the first place.

sexy uwu: its all good!!!

Marianne: ahhh, im really happy we could all make up in the end ;;;

sexy owo: its our golden deer solidarity!

sexy owo: ✋😎🤚

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: ✋😎🤚

Marianne: ✋😎🤚

sexy uwu: ✋😎🤚

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I'm glad you guys made up!

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: ugh while we're apologizing

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: sorry about your birds ferdinand

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: caspar ill never forgive you for what you did to ferdinand von aegir jr and ferdinand von aegir jr the second…

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: but i suppose i can be peaceful with you

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: cool

draco malfoy: oh- dorothea, edelgard, petra, bernadetta. sorry about your base. i can help you guys rebuild, if you like?

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: i also played a part in blowing up their base, so i'll also help with the reconstruction.

Jared, 19: That would be much appreciated!

girljs: thanks guys, its all good 💖💖💖

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: wait a second.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: dorothea, is he okay?

girljs: who???

girljs: OH

girljs: OH FUCK

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: DOROTHEA IS HE OKAY

draco malfoy: edelgard?

so basically, im babey: what are you guys talking about???? :o

girljs: HONEY ICANT SEE HIM

girljs: oh

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: dorothea?

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: dorothea. please tell me he's okay.

girljs: edie honey im so sorry

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: no…

girljs: i found his remains

haha just kidding… unless?: wh. what the fuck is going on

deathknightdestroyer69: i thought the insanity was over.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: ...his remains?

girljs: leather, raw beef, and red mushrooms are all that remain of our son, edelgard…

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Oh… I see now.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: now you guys have done it. you killed their fucking mooshroom

draco malfoy: i'm so sorry.

girljs: as heartbreaking as this is… there are some sacrifices that have to be made in war, right, edie?

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: ,

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: you know what?

girljs: edie??

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: fuck this. fuck all of you. i've been trying to keep you all in line for the past few hours and it's fucking useless. i'm done with being nice.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: watch yourselves. i'm not holding back anymore.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe is offline.

girljs: ,

draco malfoy: ah

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Oh, my...

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: WOW

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: SHE SNAPPED, YOUR HONOR

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: im not fucking scared of her

Jared, 19: Oh no...

girljs: JSDFJH WOW I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT

haha just kidding… unless?: just when we thought the war was over

so basically, im babey: oh man!!

sleepy bitch disease: hm. i do hope she calms down eventually, or else this whole minecraft conflict really will get out of hand.

sexy owo: sdfasdgsfdj this is so wild

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Well, I'm going to head off now, everyone! It's been nice talking to you all today.

so basically, im babey: cya mercedes!!

Jared, 19: Goodbye, Mercedes!

draco malfoy: bye mercedes

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Goodbye!

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏 is offline.

haha just kidding… unless?: im signing out too, this has been one hell of a day

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: where are you going, sylvain?

haha just kidding… unless?: i dunno?? dining hall to eat dinner i guess

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: cool. i'll join you.

haha just kidding… unless?: ,

haha just kidding… unless?: oh okay see you there!

haha just kidding… unless? is offline.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade is offline.

girljs: speaking of being gay

girljs: im gonna go talk to my beautiful lovely terrifying girlfriend!!! behave while i'm gone alright?? 💖

sexy owo: no promises

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: I think there's been more than enough chaos for one day. talk to you guys tomorrow?

sleepy bitch disease: goodnight everyone

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: lindhardt its afternoon

sleepy bitch disease: gnight

so basically, im babey: cya everyone tomorrow!!

sexy uwu: cy'all tomorrow :)

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: oh my fucking god she said cy'all again

[ Shared Chatroom - 10:56 AM ]

draco malfoy: who did this.

sexy owo: HOLY SHIT

haha just kidding… unless?: i dont know what i was expecting to wake up to but this was not it

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: OH MY GOD

sexy uwu: whoever it was thank u for sparing seteth the iron golem even if you destroyed literally EVERYTHING ELSE

girljs: djhfasdghsdfj i havent logged onto the server yet, what happened??

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: I believe everyone woke up to all of their stuff having been destroyed…?

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: what the fuck.

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: WHOEVER DID THIS FUCK YOU

sleepy bitch disease: mm. who would have the time and dedication to bother with something like this

sexy owo: I CANT BELIEVE THIS

Marianne: aaa,, ,, hildas right at least seteth was spared ;;;;

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: ALL MY BACKUP BIRDS.. DEAD

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: rrleally?? everything was destroyed,,,,????/

girljs: holy shit theyre right its all gone

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: hm.

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: who did this.

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: what the fuck is this

draco malfoy: i have a guess.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe is online.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: it was me.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i won't apologize. i was avenging my son.

girljs: EDIE…………… i love u

draco malfoy: ah, there it is.

haha just kidding… unless?: sdfhjgj brutal

sexy owo: tbh im impressed that takes dedication

Marianne: tthank you for sparing seteth the iirongolem…,

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: FUCK YOU EDELGARD

please have a tea party with me byleth i am desperate :(: what the hell, edelgard.

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: Perhaps this is a good time to move on from Minecraft…

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: yeah i second that, it was fun while it lasted at least

creeper: I agree.

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: m,, maybe ill just stick to singleplayer ffrom now on ehheee

girljs: yeah im gonna close the server

girljs: i have fun playing w u all!!! 💖💖💖 even if it went to shit in the end

Marianne: ii had fun too,,!!!

draco malfoy: as did i. perhaps we can revisit this game in the future, once we've all matured.

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: yeah we're clearly too immature to play an adult game like minecraft

sexy uwu: ill miss seteth the iron golem when the server's closed…. but its for the best

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: I have no problem with moving on from the game. In my opinion, it was quite the waste of time.

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL WASTE OF TIME WHILE IT LASTED….

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: i'm glad we're finally moving past this ridiculous game.

Jared, 19: I also have the belief it would be best if we moved on from this game! But I would like to thank Dorothea for taking the time to show it to me.

girljs: ILY PETRA!!!!!

girls: alright server's officially closed everyone… can we get one last f

so basically, im babey: f!!!

haha just kidding… unless?: f

Jared, 19: F!

dedue??? isnt that a type of tree???: F.

Marianne: f,,!!

🙏✨ But are you verified in the eyes of God? ✨🙏: F ✨

draco malfoy: f

i'm not like other girls ✨ i'm worse ✨: f!

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: f.

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: f…..

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: fff

sleepy bitch disease: f

sexy owo: f

sexy uwu: f!!

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: f.

[ Shared Chatroom - 12:07 PM ]

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: you know, i still don't know who took my fucking diamonds.

haha just kidding… unless?: maybe there are some mysteries better left unsolved

while you were busy being heterosexual, i studied the blade: maybe you're right.

[ DM: sexy uwu -> sexy owo - 12:09 PM ]

sexy uwu: it was you who took felix's diamonds wasnt it

sexy owo: of course it was

Chapter Text

[ Black Eagles Chatroom - 2:21 PM ]

girljs: hey anyone in this chat know how to cook

Jared, 19: Why are you asking, Dorothea?

sleepy bitch disease: what did you do

girljs: edie and i tried cooking but we are just simple lesbians and now everything is on fire

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: of course

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: fucking geniuses

Jared, 19: Ah… I see! This is not so good.

Jared, 19: I am not the best with cooking, but I am able to offer my assistance!

girljs: ty petra!! 💖 we need all the help we can get

sleepy bitch disease: i'll bring the fire extinguisher

girljs: lindhardt ur a legend thank u!!

sleepy bitch disease: no problem

creeper: Is Lady Edelgard alright?

girljs: no hubie she's on fire thats why im texting you guys nonchalantly instead of extinguishing my burning girlfriend

creeper: Of course you would resort to unnecessary sarcasm.

girljs: yeah u know me so well ;))

girljs: ,

girljs: oh FUCK

creeper: What did you do.

girljs: i think we blew up the microwave??

girljs: its…… making a noise i dont think microwaves are supposed to make

girljs: and its sparking

girljs: uh lindhardt we're gonna need that fire extinguisher!!!

sleepy bitch disease: on it

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: ugh if linhardts going i might as well tag along

Jared, 19: Are Edelgard and yourself alright, Dorothea?

girljs: sfdmhfgfsdjkgfsdk dw about us we're fine!!!

girljs: cant say the same about the microwave though

creeper: Hm. So you're incompetent.

girljs: hubie are u gonna come help us or not :(((

creeper: I will, but only to ensure Lady Edelgard's safety.

girljs: im flattered

girljs: anyone else wanna come join this disaster??? the more the merrier

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: well, if you INSIST, i suppose i could help you guys out :)

girljs: thx ferdie we owe u one :)

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: what were you guys even cooking anyways

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe is online.

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: pancakes.

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: ,

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: at 2pm????

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: isnt that a breakfast food???

girljs: every hour is pancake hour ferdie!!! stop judging us we were hungry

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: no im gonna judge, what the fuck

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: hold the fuck up

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: how did you guys fuck up a MICROWAVE if you were making PANCAKES

girljs: SHUT UPPPP WE DONT KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING JSDFNBDFNS

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: CLEARLY???

creeper: This is absurd.

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: ee hhey whats happening,,??/

girljs: chaos

creeper: Dorothea ruined the kitchen.

girljs: not to throw her under the bus or anything but edie's here too and as my girlfriend she will take equal blame

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: indeed, this was partially my fault.

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: iii wont be ofmuch help but can i come tothe kitchen too??? jjusti ncase

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: ican um

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: watch from a ddistance or so mething

girljs: ofc u can bern!! 💖💖💖

sleepy bitch disease: wow, you weren't kidding when you said everything was on fire

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: what the FUCK you guys what kinda pancakes were you making

Jared, 19: Indeed… this is much of a mess.

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: EEEe whyis everythingg burning imtoo young to ddiee

girljs: its not that bad!!!!

girljs: u guys think we can clean this up in time before anyone notices???

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: probably not. but we could always try and pin the blame on someone else.

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: dont even fucking try to frame me i have screenshotted this whole conversation as proof that this was not my fault

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: a pity.

girljs: fuck there goes that plan!!

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: lets just fucking run for it this is a lost cause

creeper: Do you not intend on even trying to fix the state of the kitchen?

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: the school can clean up the mess. we should head out before it gets any worse.

girljs: wait i have an idea!!

sleepy bitch disease: oh no

girljs: ive been practicing my magic recently let me see if i can magic this kitchen back to normal 💖

Jared, 19: Dorothea, I do not have any doubt for your abilities… but is this a smart idea?

girljs: dw petra i got this!!!

sleepy bitch disease: wait, don't you only have fire magic tomes?

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: aah maybe we should jjust

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: ,

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: oh

girljs: i

girljs: i have made a severe and continous lapse in my judgment

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: OH MY FUCKING GOD

sleepy bitch disease: wow. we're going to need another fire extinguisher

creeper: Are you fucking kidding me? Now look at what you've done.

girljs: IM SORRY I PANICKED

girljs: CAN WE ALL JUST LEAVE BEFORE WE BURN TO DEATH

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: HHHHI DONTWAN T TO DIE LIKE THISSS IMSCARED

girljs: JDFNBS BERN ILL CARRY YOU OUT

I haven't seen the sun in 84 years: tthankyou

Please Decapitate Me With Your Axe: yes, let's leave before we make this even worse.

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: pretty fucking sure we cant make it even worse

girljs: im sorry okay!!!!

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: wow, the school is going to need a whole new kitchen after this

*ferdinand voice* i am FISHDINAND VON AEGIR: lets get out of here, i can barely see or breathe with all the smoke

creeper: This is truly pathetic.

Jared, 19: I am worrying about having left the kitchen like this… but, if you all believe if is the better thing to do, I shall be following you all.

say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole: alright lets hurry up and get the FUCK out of here then

sleepy bitch disease: mm, lets go

girljs: black eagles roll out!!!!!!!

[ Golden Deer Chatroom - 2:36 PM ]

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: What was that noise?

sexy owo: the explosion??

*cracks raw egg over my head* its art you wouldnt understand: the what?????

deathknightdestroyer69: what did you guys do.

sexy owo: FSDHHASD THIS WASNT ME THIS TIME

deathknightdestroyer69: doubt

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: doubt.

Marianne: ddoubt,,

sexy uwu: dfjssfdg even mariannes calling u out claude that says a lot

sexy owo: IT REALLY WASNT ME

sexy owo: hilda you know if i was blowing things up youd be invited

sexy uwu: hm fair

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: well, if it wasn't Claude- what was it?

sexy owo: well i heard a loud noise, saw smoke coming from the dining hall, then saw the entire black eagles house running for their lives

sexy owo: but haha who knows maybe they were completely three unrelated events :)

Moto Moto: The dinning hall ? :(

sexy uwu: oh my fucking god

Marianne: ooh dear,, ,,

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Oh my god, those fucking idiots.

deathknightdestroyer69: wow. and I thought they were the responsible house

*cracks raw egg over my head* its art you wouldnt understand: is the dining hall okay???? or is it on fire :c

sexy owo: haha okay give me a sec to run into a burning building and survey the damage :)

sexy uwu: u got this bro

Marianne: wwait hes nnot

Marianne: hhes not,, actually doing that right ;;;

sexy owo: whew there is a lot of smoke in here thats for sure

sexy uwu: ,

Marianne: OOH NO

sexy uwu: CLAUDE GET OUT OF THERE

sexy uwu: I WAS JOKING GET OUT OF THE BURNING BUILDING

*cracks raw egg over my head* its art you wouldnt understand: claude thats dangerous????

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: Claude you fucking imbecile

sexy uwu: claude ur my best fucking friend get ur ass out of that building right now or else i will run in there and drag you out of it myself

Moto Moto: Is  the kitchen damaged,?

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: RAPHAEL NOW IS NOT THE TIME.

sexy owo: JFSDSDGH YALL CHILL

sexy owo: its mostly smoke from what i can tell, if there was any actual fire its gone by now

sexy owo: i think they must have been in the kitchen and fucked something up because it is not a pretty scene in there

deathknightdestroyer69: lmao, wow.

Moto Moto: :(

Marianne: a,, are you out of the building yet cclaude ;;

sexy owo: hdfsdfsj yeah dw im out

sexy uwu: dont ever do that again you fucker

sexy owo: aw thanks hilda im glad you care :)

sexy uwu: im going to murder you in your sleep

deathknightdestroyer69: I'll join you, hilda

Marianne: uum

Marianne: wwhat do we do about this?? should we tell someone;;;

sexy owo: i say we say nothing and watch what happens

sexy uwu: agreed

j-jeraldt senpai!!! >w<: sounds like a plan.

Marianne: ooh,, alright tthen! !! ;;

deathknightdestroyer69: lmaoo, this will be fun to watch it play out

sexy uwu: anyone wanna make popcorn

sexy owo: id love to but in case you had forgotten the kitchen has been destroyed