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Two years. It has been two years since I was turned into a demon. In these two years I've felt more pain than in all of the 16 years I was a human.
It's all because of Sebastian, my once loyal butler. I foolishly let myself fall in love with him. I'd believed that now that he was to spend eternity with me, I could be truly happy. To him, however, I'm just an eternal curse.
He's become completely distant, cold even. The hate burns in his eyes and I know that he does not wish to be stuck with me forever. This kills me. I would've much rather he devoured my soul. I would prefer a thousand deaths over the never ending heartbreak that is constantly stabbing me. So I will let him go. I intend to free him of me, for just the thought of him being happy again is enough to give me incentive. I want him to be happy, even if it is at the cost of my own life.
"Sebastian." Ciel's voice rings out, filled with pain and weariness. His butler approaches him by the front door of their current dwelling place.
"Yes, my lord?" Sebastian asks in a monotone, his eyes betraying the hate and disgusts he feels for the former Earl.
"I'm leaving," Ciel murmurs as he looks towards the ground.
Sebastian sighed in annoyance. "Young Lord, it is not yet time for us to move again."
"I know Sebastian," the boy sighed dejectedly. "I'm leaving. You are not. I am leaving and not returning. You will finally have your freedom."
The butler hides his shock with an emotionless stare. "What has brought this on, young master? Surely you are just being dramatic."
Ciel turns around towards the door, feeling tears build up in his eyes. The coldness of his butler's voice stabbing at his heart. "No, Sebastian. I'd rather die than live this way for eternity. You do not understand."
Sebastian rolled his eyes at this, as he believed he did understand. He hated Ciel for being chained to him eternally. He lost his meal and got stuck to a brat.
"I've been beaten and bruised. I've been broken and raped." Sebastian's eyes widened at this information. "I've lost but haven't gained. I've been cheated and used by people for their own greedy desires. Yet the pain I've felt in the last two years is by far worse than all I'd experienced in my 16 years as a human. I can not handle your coldness, your hate and disgust. I foolishly fell in love with you when I was a human."
Sebastian couldn't believe what he was hearing. "My lord, if you loved me then why were you so cold and selfish towards me? I thought I was just a pawn in your game."
The young demon let out a bitter laugh. "Oh, Sebastian." He gave a pained laugh. "We both know that I was the pawn. Besides, I stopped considering you a pawn when I was 13. You were everything to me. I couldn't even fathom the idea of you being a mere pawn when you were my King, my rock, protecting me. My Queen, always by my side. My Knight, always riding into battle with me. My everything, Sebastian, my everything. I was mad at myself for feeling that way. No, not mad that it was towards you, a male demon who was my butler, but mad at myself for having those feelings period. I knew we were bound by the contract and that my feelings would never be reciprocated. That's why I pushed you away. I was hoping I'd stop having those feelings. I was setting myself up for hurt, waiting for you to completely abandon me as everyone else had. Yet, every time you pulled through. You were loyal and never left my side. Even when I knew it was because of the contract, I could barely contain my hope. I let myself hope and love. I let myself do something I never should have done."
Tears were streaming down his face as he looked towards the door. "Then, when we were bound for eternity, I let myself hope again that maybe, just maybe, my love wouldn't be unrequited. But when you became cold towards me, I knew this wasn't the case. I knew that the only reason you stayed was because of the contract and the promise of my soul, but I couldn't help but feel used once again. Isn't it funny how I would much rather go back to being held hostage as a sex slave than suffer through the heartbreak that your hatred causes me? Even with this pain, I still want you to be happy. If it means leaving, then I will leave. If your happiness comes at the cost of my life then I will willingly drive a stake through my own heart."
Sebastian couldn't help but feel saddened by his master's words. He didn't realize the feelings Ciel had harbored for him. He was about to speak but was cut off by Ciel.
"Sebastian, I'm leaving. This is an order: Do NOT follow me, do NOT come after me."
"Young master!" Sebastian exclaimed. The contract forced him to stay in place as he watched the young boy walk out the door with his shoulders shaking. The pain the demon felt at the confession had him regretting being so cold to Ciel. He hadn't realized just how broken his young lord truly was. He hadn't understood that he was the one who kept the boy together, yet also the one who broke him irreparably in the end.
Sebastian went to sleep that night convinced that it was just a dream. He believed that he would be able to wake up in the morning and tend to Ciel. He would apologize for being cold and hateful. He would show the young boy the love he craved, for he realized that he was in love with his lord. Looking back on when he'd served the boy as a human, he remembered the strange emotion always present in his eye when he would look at Sebastian. The butler had never thought to delve further into the matter for it was an emotion he was unfamiliar with. What had confused him was that it didn't seem like a bad emotion but he never looked at anyone else with the same gaze. It was love, the boy had truly been in love with the demon.
The raven haired man thought back to when he first saw that emotion. For some reason it had made his heart (yes, he did have a heart) beat faster. Sebastian had been disturbed by this, wondering why that alluring azure eye had such an effect on him. Why had he had the urges to run his hands through the silky strands of blue hair? Why did he crave the milky hands to caress his own inky strands? Why had he felt so protective, so concerned for the boy? Was it because of the contract? He'd never felt this way in any other binding before.
Love was a foreign concept so he didn't recognize when he was on the receiving end of such a strange emotion. Sebastian couldn't comprehend that the boy's love wasn't unrequited. He'd felt a strong bond towards the boy but never did he think it was love. When he became bound to the boy, he was so mad because of the loss of a meal. He had truly believed that the boy was a heartless brat. The butler became cold to the boy and in turn, the boy's orders became further apart and fewer in number. He hardly ever made any commands at all. The boy also became distant, yet the emotion that filled his eyes was pure sadness and pain.
Waking up, Sebastian realized that this was not a dream. The young lord was, in fact, gone. The man felt an emptiness in his chest at the realization. He dropped to his knees and buried his head in his hands, crying for the first time in all of his existence. The pain and heartbreak he felt at knowing he drove his beloved away was unbearable. He knew that his pain didn't even compare to what Ciel had felt on a daily basis, though. Now he would never get a chance to right his wrong. He had been ordered not to go after the boy. What should he do? How could he find his love without disobeying orders? He thought back to when he first was contacted by the boy. His conditions for the butler had included to remain by his side no matter what until the end. Realizing that he was still under this command, he disregarded the last order and began to search for his love.
It's been a week since I left Sebastian. The pain in my heart just won't go away. It literally feels like my heart is being torn out piece by piece with every passing moment. I have no idea where I am, only that I am hundreds of miles away from where my heart belongs. No one is around me. I'm in some meadow and I see a lake up ahead. I slowly walk over to it and stare at my reflection. My eyes are puffy from crying. My hair is greasy and my skin no longer has that healthy shine. I literally look like the personification of death. My thoughts wander back to Sebastian and I fall to my knees, my body beginning to violently convulse in heart wrenching sobs. I hear footsteps pounding behind me but I ignore it. Then I hear a voice that has my heart stop beating.
"Ciel!" Sebastian's voice calls. I realize that it is the first time that he's said my name. I then notice that I can't find any traces of the coldness that there once was. I stand up and turn to him.
"W-what?" I sniffle. "I ordered you not to follow me."
He took a step forward. The sun was illuminating his skin like an angel, his beauty breathtaking. "You did, Ciel. Don't you remember though? I made a promise, you gave an order. I will stay by your side until the end, no matter what." He took another step forward, now just a meter away. "If I couldn't fulfill that promise," he began, coming another foot closer. "For the man that I love," he continued, now right in front of me. He put a hand on my cheek and my breath hitched, tears pooling in my eyes. "Then what kind of a man would I be?" He cupped my other a cheek and lifted my head so I was looking him in the eye as he was still a good 6 inches taller than me. His warm breath fanned my face. "After all, I am one hell of a man." His lips brushed mine. "One hell of a demon." He whispered with another brush of the lips. "One hell of a butler." His lips pressed against mine a little bit harder. "One hell of a lover," he whispered before capturing me in a kiss.
His lips moved passionately against my own, the emotions pouring through from just this one act. He kissed my tears away and ran his hands through my hair. His embrace was so warm, so caring, it had me melting in his arms. I felt that sense of security I'd missed. I finally felt the love I'd desired since I was a small teen. What amazed me was how gentle he was. Sebastian didn't try to force anything on me, he moved slowly and carefully, holding me tight as if he thought I'd disappear. I pulled away to catch my breath. Sebastian had tears in his own eyes and his face was flushed, lips swollen. A single tear ran down his cheek and I reached up to brush it away.
"You fool," he whispered softly, voice cracking just a bit. "I love you too. I'll never leave you." I jumped into his arms and wrapped mine around his neck. He caught me and held me close, moving my legs so they were around his waist. I sobbed into his neck. "I'm sorry," I cried. "I'm so sorry for being cold towards you as a human." He rubbed comforting circles around my back as he backed up to a tree. He slowly slid down so that I was sitting in his lap and he was holding me tight. I felt tears landing on my head.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," he muttered softly. "I'm sorry for being hateful. I was so mad about losing a meal and thinking you were a brat to even consider that I was hurting you. I've been in love with you for so long, I realize that now. I was too stupid to understand that what I felt was love. I remember how my heart would speed up or skip a beat whenever you would look at me with that love in your eyes. I didn't know it was love then but I know now. And I know that now I would love nothing more than to spend an eternity with you, Ciel."
I gave a small laugh and held him tighter. "I love it when you say my name, Sebastian." He chuckled and stood up. "Let's go home, Ciel. Let's go home."
"I love you," I whispered as he carried me. He kissed my cheek. "I love you too."