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Ed doesn’t know how he ended up here—no, scratch that, he does know, but he refuses to acknowledge that he could have ever been so dumb to agree to this. Why the flying fuck did he agree to this in the first place?
Oh.
Right.
Because his boyfriend got one of his ‘galaxy-brain’ ideas and Ed is too in love with him to be able to say no to his stupid pretty face—especially when the bastard does the thing where he widens his eyes and pouts and just generally looks like a wounded puppy. It’s cliche and Ed should be used to such blatant manipulation tactics by now, especially after growing up with Al —you would think he’d be immune to the face at this point—but for some reason, it works. Fuck, is Ed whipped. So, so whipped.
Not that he’ll ever admit to that.
But anyway, Roy had asked Ed if he would do this stupid idea with him with these dumb mezmerizing eyes and pleading pout and Ed went all weak-kneed and couldn’t refuse him. So now here he is.
About to get into the bathtub. With his boyfriend.
So they can go live on Roy’s instagram.
… From the bath.
… To possibly announce that they may sell their— used —bathwater.
…
Why the fuck is Ed dating this idiot again? ( Because you love him, Brother, his inner Al snips at him.)
(Ed would question why the hell they’re doing this but. See, the thing is, before they had started dating, before Roy even knew who Ed was, Roy had done a live—a regular occurance for him—and made a joke about selling his bathwater. And Ed was—So Prepared to buy some. Along with a shitton of other people, apparently. Enough that it gave Roy pause and actually think about doing it. So Ed can’t really question or judge this too much.)
(The conversation where Roy found out about Ed’s… willingness to buy it is not something he wants to think about right now. It’d be an understatement to say that it involved a lot of laughing and embarrassed yelling and flustered screeching.)
At least the bathwater should be warm, hopefully hot enough to relax Ed’s muscles. That’s a plus. (Well—unless it turns out that the water is too hot, scaldingly so, that it heats Ed’s automail up so much that it burns him or Roy. That wouldn’t be fun.)
…
Okay, Ed has to admit, getting to take a steamy hot bath with his hot-as-shit boyfriend is a plus too. (And the prideful, show-off-y part of him relishes in getting to remind all of Roy’s followers—who constantly send Roy thirsty DMs and try to get him to dump or cheat on Ed—that Roy is dating him. And if some of Ed’s followers watch as well—likely, since there’s been a bit of a meshing of their followings since they went public about dating—then Ed’s not gonna complain about reminding them just how much ‘EdLing’ or ‘RussEd’ or whatever other bullshit will never happen.)
Speaking of said boyfriend—
“Angel?” Roy questions, dragging Ed out of his thoughts. Ed glances from where he had been staring at the tub, spaced out with glazed over eyes, to Roy’s face. His boyfriend is staring at him, pierced eyebrow quirked up questioningly and smiling with a familiar fond exasperation. Ed’s been on the receiving end of that look too many times—the look that says I’ve been trying to get your attention and have called your name multiple times but you’re so engrossed in something that you haven’t heard me but I can’t be mad at getting ignored because I know you’re just Like That™ and I love you. “The water’s not getting any hotter,” he says, expression shifting into a smirk. “Much like you’re not getting any taller.”
Ed rolls his eyes. “Oh shut up, I know. Just give me a fuckin’ sec, will ya? Maybe try to come up with something more creative than cheap shots at my height, ya bastard.” And Ed goes to remove the clothes he’s wearing—Roy’s clothes, worn and comfortable, an oversized t-shirt that leaves him swimming and a pair of boxers that barely stay up on his hips—but he—. He hesitates. Because while he doesn’t mind getting undressed in front of Roy—not anymore at least, they’ve been dating too long and Roy has sappily assured Ed too many times that he finds Ed beautiful, for Ed to really give a shit about it—going live in front of hundreds, likely thousands of strangers, many of whom despise him for the role he plays in Roy’s life—as if any of them would have ever had a chance with Roy—and baring his scars for them all to see… He’s a little nervous. His fingers fidget, fiddling with the hem of the shirt.
Roy seems to pick up on his apprehension and his face softens. “Hey, we don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to. I won’t mind, you’re more important than some video.”
Ed shakes his head automatically. He’s never been one to back down from something that scares him and he’s not about to start now— especially considering how minor this is. “No, I’ll do it—I want to,” he corrects, when he sees Roy about to protest. “It’s just—the scars, yanno?” he sighs. It’s different, when Ed makes videos. Because Ed’s in control then—and usually, he’s covered up enough that only his automail shows. And the few times when he’s not, he’s in cosplay; he’s not filming himself, showing off his scars, he’s someone else and the scars are just something that’s there, something that that person doesn’t care about. His followers, for the most part, seem to not care as well. It’s not to say that they’re all nice or that they ignore them completely, but appearance as they are with his actual content. Roy’s followers however… “Forget it,” Ed mutters. “It’s stupid.” the crowd on tiktok is different than those who run on instagram—they aren’t as concerned with Ed’s. He yanks off his clothes and slides into the tub before Roy can say otherwise.
The water is still warm, hot enough to make the warmth seep into his bones as he shifts and settles down in between Roy’s legs. Ed goes to start undoing his braid, but Roy bats his hand gently away and does it himself. He combs his fingers through Ed’s hair, scratching at his scalp the way Ed likes—though Ed still denies any comparison between him and a cat—and Ed feels himself relaxing, going limp—🅱️ oneless, a voice in the back of his head unhelpfully supplies―with Roy’s tender ministrations. Roy’s arms snake around Ed’s waist and pull him back against his chest.
“Nothing’s ever stupid,” he murmurs into Ed’s ear, “not with you, angel.” Ed feels the light pressure of Roy’s lips against the side of his head and he closes his eyes. “If you’re worried about my followers, don’t be. I’ll block anyone who dares to say anything against you. They’re worth nothing to me, when compared to you. You’re worth more than any trifle number on a screen.”
Ed’s face feels warm and he wishes he could blame it entirely on the steam.
“Just start the damn video already,” Ed grumbles.
Roy chuckles, low and rumbling in his chest. “As you wish.” He stretches to the side to grab his phone off the lid of the toilet and Ed slowly sinks down, lowering himself until only the top half of his face is above the water. It takes Roy but a few moments to open the app and start filming.
And then they’re live and there’s no return.
Roy’s holding the phone up with one hand, angled so viewers will only see his face and the start of his chest―Ed making an appearance in this live is supposed to be a surprise; he’ll pop into view once Roy does his intro and announces him. His other hand, which had still been resting on Ed in the water, comes up and slicks back his hair. And although Ed can’t see him, he just knows that Roy winked and is smirking. Stupid smarmy beautiful bastard.
“‘Sup Moltres?” comes the start of Roy’s typical greeting to his fans. It sounds so fuckboy-esque but it’s also fucking nerdy and just how the hell did Ed end up dating this loser again?
“If they’re the flaming chicken, does that make you Ponyta?” Ed mutters under his breath, having poked his head the rest of the way out of the water. Apparently not quiet enough for Roy to not hear him however, based on the affronted look he gives Ed through their images on the phone screen. It’s so stupid and ridiculous-looking that Ed has to restrain himself from cackling, biting down on his lip and shaking slightly. He can’t help from smirking though.
“ Ex cuse me,” Roy squawks in indignation. He sniffs, “I’d be Rapidash, thank you very much.”
Ed snorts. “As if. That’d require you to actually be cool.” He continues, mumbling, “though you’re definitely horny enough to be a Rapidash…”
Roy glances down at Ed in mock outrage and then back up at his phone. “Do you see what I have to put up with―such slander!”
Rolling his eyes, Ed replies, “Oh hush, you big baby.” He shifts and stretches upward, twisting back to place a kiss on Roy’s jaw. “There. All better now?” he asks dryly, raising an eyebrow.
Roy’s expression melts immediately, going soft and fond and all kinds of sappy that Ed can’t handle. “Not quite,” he murmurs before leaning down to capture Ed’s lips with his own.
The position is less than ideal―Ed’s sure that his neck will be yelling at him later for it, crankier than the old hag―but he doesn’t care. Any last vestiges of his anxiety over the love disappear and his thoughts are filled with a litany of Roy Roy Roy Roy. Only Roy and he exist in this moment, live viewers forgotten for now― somehow.
The water sloshes gently around them and Ed hums softly. If he lets himself pretend, it almost feels like they’re at the beach. Almost like that one time, one of their first dates after Ed had revealed his automail and all the scarring that came along with it and the reason behind the need for it―it had been just the two of them at a secluded cove, floating in the water together under the starry midnight sky. It’s one of Ed’s favorite dates of theirs so far, if he’s honest.
They part, eventually. The racing of Ed’s heart is a sharp contrast to the calm he feels.
When Ed opens his eyes, Roy is staring down at him, eyes crinkled and practically sparkling. A smile tugs at Ed’s lips; his heart skips a beat. “There we go,” Roy says.
They’re brought back to reality however, by the sudden influx of notifications on Roy’s phone―and Ed’s phone too, by the sound of it. Roy’s phone is buzzing so much that he almost drops it, and well, wouldn’t that teach him to not do lives in the bath anymore?
Ed peers at the screen in Roy’s hand and holy fuck there’s a shitton of comments, appearing so fast that he can barely catch a glimpse of a single word. Most of what Ed can read just appears to be… Screaming. Over them.
Christ.
Ed’s eating a big ol’ bowl of regretti spaghetti right now.
Roy has a smug, self-satisfied― suave, Roy would describe it, but Ed’s just calling ‘em like he sees ‘em―look on his face when Ed looks back up from the comments.
“I suppose I really shouldn’t be too surprised by this question, but yes, Junklex, we are naked,” Roy responds, to a comment, Ed assumes.
Ed scrunches up his face. “We’re in the bath. Why the hell wouldn’t we be naked?” Like seriously people? Do you even think?
And Roy’s response to that is―well, he flicks water at Ed.
He flinches back, an instinctive jerk of the head. “Hey! It was a valid question!”
“And so was theirs,” Roy replies airily, tapping Ed on the nose. Ed nips at his finger, but Roy snatches it back too quickly, and Ed’s jaw snaps shut with a clack. He sticks his tongue out at Roy when he looks away.
It was a small amount, only a few droplets really, barely enough to matter and certainly not enough to make his face wetter or anything. But this is Ed; he refuses to take anything lying down. And he hardly does anything by halves, least of all counterattacks.
He tilts his head, staring, watching, waiting, calculating. He watches as Roy turns his attention back to the phone, starting to speak again. Fool. Ed doesn’t pay too close attention to what Roy is saying, instead leaning back on his side against Roy’s chest, letting his head fall just under Roy’s shoulder. He oh-so- carefully slides his left arm around Roy’s waist, and Roy shifts to accommodate him automatically. His boyfriend doesn’t notice, however, when Ed’s arm pulls away― slowly, so as to not catch attention, just shifts again while blathering away to his followers.
Ed smirks inwardly.
Revenge may be a dish best served cold, but we’ll just have to make do with lukewarm.
Quickly, he moves his arm upward, cupping his hand and dumping water over Roy’s head. A wave of water follows Ed’s arm, splashing Roy from behind. Roy ends up soaked, wet hair falling forward and covering his eyes as rivulets of water drip down his face. Ed cackles when Roy shouts, almost jumping out of his skin.
Roy whips his head around, pushing his bangs out of the way to stare at Ed with narrowed eyes. "Oh it's on, angel," he says, sticking his phone into a hanging case on the wall.
Ed grins. "Bring it, Mustang," he challenges.
And then it's on like a high noon showdown.
The two of them splash water at each other, acting like a pair of children in the summer, completely unrestrained and carefree. There's not-so-successful dunking attempts, and water flies everywhere in between all the laughter and shrieking and snarking. It's a good thing the floor in Roy's bathroom aren't wooden. Though, Ed muses offhandedly, he wonders how they'll be able to get out of the tub and walk through the bathroom without slipping and falling. Very carefully, he guesses.
In the end, neither of them truly win. But Ed claims victory anyway as he straddles Roy's lap, pinning his arms against the wall above his head.
He leans in close to Roy's face, the pink ends of his hair hanging down around him like a veil. "I win," he whispers triumphantly, nipping at Roy's nose before kissing him.
Unlike before, this kiss isn't calm and serene. It's wild and passionate and wet and filled with the high of endorphins from their water fight. Ed shifts his hips just slightly and Roy groans in a way that can only be described as obscene, biting at Ed's lip in retaliation.
Ed can barely hold back his own reaction, and it's with great reluctance that he pulls away before things start to get R-rated. Really, the only reason he's able to is because he hears the ringtone he has set for when Al texts him. And if Al is texting him when he knows Ed is with Roy, then their viewers must have started to bother Al about the video.
They part and Ed drinks in the sight of Roy below him, face flushed and breathing heavily. He presses a kiss to Roy's lips one last time, murmuring, "tell your followers to stop harassing my brother while I try to convince Al we're not filming a porno."
He doesn't wait for Roy's reply before stretching out to the side to grab his phone, ignoring all his notifications besides the messages from his brother. He skims the texts, snorting at Al's complaints. He can practically hear his brother's disappointed tone, sighing about Ed getting arrested for public indecency. Ed shoots back a quick reply, al stop being such a worrywart. jfc its fine, i dont plan on being the next kim k, and tosses his phone back on the toilet lid.
Roy, meanwhile, has taken his phone down out of the holder and resumed filming.
“Apologies for the interruption, Moltres—”
“Fire chickens,” Ed mutters.
Roy shoots him a look, continuing as if he hadn’t been interrupted, “—but someone just had strike back, apparently.”
“Like the empire, duh.”
Roy turns and stares at him flatly.
“What?” Ed demands, feeling like maybe he should listen to Al and learn to stay quiet every once in a while.
“Ed, my love, my darling angel, that’s—really not the best comparison you could have used.”
“Why the hell not?” he questions.
“Ed—the empire loses against the jedi.”
Ed feels his face prickling warmly. Okay, he has to admit, it’s been… a Hot Minute since he’s seen Star Wars. And maybe he fell asleep during some scenes. “Well—yeah, okay but the empire’s cooler!”
Roy raises an eyebrow, skepticism written in the DNA of his face. “The empire… the evil, wants to destroy or enslave most of the universe, empire is cool?”
“They use red lightsabers! That’s an automatic win over the jedi, anyday,” Ed says,trying to save face.
His boyfriend shakes his head, sighing. “I can’t believe you’d root for the empire just because of the color of their lightsabers.”
“Oh—whatever!” Ed snatches Roy’s phone from his hand and starts rapidly speaking. “Anyway the entire point of this video was so that Roy could tell y’all—” fuck, there goes his old accent slipping in, “—that for those freaks who’d want it, he’ll actually be selling his bathwater this time—er, our bathwater, whatever. It’ll be on his merch site soon, kaythanks bye ,” he finishes in a rush, ending the livestream and throwing Roy’s phone out of reach. Thank god it’s finally over.
Roy is still staring at him by the time Ed is done and Ed feels red crawling up his face, ears burning. He can’t read Roy’s expression. “What?” he questions hotly, and nope, his voice totally doesn’t rise an octave, not at all.
Roy continues to blankly stare at him for a few more moments, and just as Ed starts to worry that he might’ve broken his boyfriend, Roy bursts out laughing. “Nothing, Ed, nothing to worry about. With the way you act in your videos, sometimes I forget how you can get when it’s you on camera,” he replies, tugging Ed towards him and enveloping him in his arms.
“Shut up,” Ed says, voice muffled in Roy’s chest.
Roy chuckles quietly and kisses the top of Ed’s head. “It’s cute.”
“‘M not cute,” Ed grumbles, ruffled feathers starting to settle.
“Mmm, I beg to differ.”
Begging, hmm? Ed peeks up at Roy. “...You wanna beg for something else?”
Roy smirks, understanding Ed instantly. “Oh I don’t think I’ll be the one begging.”
After that, it’s a mad scramble, a chaotic mess of limbs and slippery feet and water as they rush out of the tub, not even bothering to drain it, and run to Roy’s bedroom.
x
Days later, Ed’s managed to (mostly) forget the entire incident and put it behind him—blocked it out and repressed the memory is more apt, but eh , po-tay-toe po-tah-toe.
That is, until he gets a notification from venmo. It’s a money transfer, from Roy. Ed chokes when he sees the amount of the deposit, nearly spilling his iced coffee on the costume he’s working on.
He texts Roy a screenshot, captioned with WTF THE FUKC?????!?!??!?
Ed receives a reply after only a few seconds.
😂 we're going to be rich, angel.
not an adequate explanation roy!!!
Did you really forget about it that quickly?
oh god
fuckin christ please say u didnt
🙊🙊
ROY
What can I say, love, except… you’re welcome
And my followers obviously have good taste in thirst quenchers.
…
Pleasesaysike.jpg
;)
Ed swears he’s going to murder his boyfriend one of these days. Just… maybe after he buys those docs he’s been eyeing for months.