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The dusty road under their feet has been long. Everyone is exhausted and irritable, their nerves cut to the jagged quick. Their morning and on into the scorching heat has been brutal. First, they were awakened by a walker hoard and rushed out of their temporary home and out onto the road. With a nod to Rick, Carol volunteered to lead them away and of course, Daryl went with her. The rest of the group and Rick waited with bated breath for their return. Judith gurgled worriedly in her father’s arms, seemingly aware of her family’s absence. Rick couldn’t help but be worried also, being separated from any of his family at any time squeezes his chest in the most uncomfortable of ways. He rocks his baby girl in his arms to calm her and hopefully lull her into a nap.
It’s not too long before Daryl and Carol appear from the bushes and thankfully both of them came back the way they left – alive. Rick lets out an explosive breath that wakes Judith and Daryl is the first one her big brown eyes land on. Her chubby cheeks widen to reveal the odd tooth here and there and she immediately reaches for her hunter. She gets a quiet smile from Daryl as Rick transfers her into his strong embrace. It adds a tired smile to Rick’s lips as well and he steps in close to brush his fingers through Daryl’s hair, careful of the knots and gives him a quick heartfelt kiss in thanks. He turns to check on Carol and sees that she’s already preparing to move on. She gives him a wink and that’s that.
***
It is dusk, the sun is finally going down but seems intent on leaving the heat behind. Their water supply is running low, their food rations are depleted, and this damn road isn’t getting any shorter. It seems to go into oblivion. Rick’s boots were worn through long ago, making him feel every bump and rock of the surface. Everyone is sunburnt and dragging their feet. Judith is the only one who seems comfortable at all and Rick is grateful. He watches Daryl in his peripheral and notices that even those strong, broad shoulders are slumped, but he pushes on like he’s been programmed to do so. Rick feels horrible that he doesn’t have the energy to offer him any comfort, it is taking everything he has to hold his daughter up and keep moving forward.
It has just gotten dark and it’s eerily silent, their footsteps sound like they’re tearing the earth apart. Off to the side, Rick sees a good place to stop for the night and everyone is more than happy to oblige his suggestion. Everyone sits but Daryl and Rick reaches for him as he sits down to settle Judith. Carl takes her from his arms, but Rick’s eyes are glued to Daryl. He tugs on Daryl’s wrist and begs him to sit in that subtle way they have of speaking. Daryl pulls away from him gently with a small shake of his head and he paces before the group. His narrowed eyes observe his family, several of them are already asleep and several more just sit in miserable melancholy.
Rick frowns, looking up at his lover pleadingly, his eyes full of question and concern. Daryl seems to have made up his mind and gives his leader a nod before slipping into the trees, effortlessly becoming one with the darkness surrounding him. Automatically, Rick makes a move to get up and follow but Carl places a firm hand on his shoulder, and Rick is just too damn tired to argue. He settles back to back with his son to rest his body, but his sight is squared solely on the void his lover walked off into.
***
Despite himself Rick dozes off into a light sleep, the day's exertions overpowering his will to stay awake. A large hand settles on his cheek but Rick doesn’t flinch or reach for his weapon, he knows that touch anywhere. He opens his bleary eyes to Daryl looking down on him and he immediately draws him into a kiss. His fingers slip into Daryl’s hair at the back of his head and gently massages his scalp as he drinks in his hunter’s return. They pull away to press their foreheads together and Rick feels cold for the first time that day when Daryl moves away. It’s not a pleasant feeling. Rick gets up carefully and lays his son’s head in Carol’s lap before following his partner.
Daryl shows him the large dog he has hunted. Rick is glad to see the meal and together they set up a fire small enough to cook with but hopefully not draw much attention. Daryl sets himself to the task of preparing the animal but Rick notices that he hesitates in a way that is unlike him. Daryl’s hand shakes as he tightens one around the worn handle of his knife. He sets the blade to the animal then pulls it back. After a moment, he shakes his head in frustration then puts the blade back once more. He huffs, exhales a loud breath then sits back on his heels. For the first time in a long time, the hunter looks defeated.
Rick goes to his knees beside his partner and places his hand on Daryl’s knee. His other hand goes to the small of the hunter’s back and rubs small circles in the hope to calm the hurt he can feel radiating from him. When he gets no response, Rick places a long kiss on Daryl’s cheek which Daryl huffs at like always. He still won’t look at Rick, won’t let him see the truth there just yet.
“Hey. Daryl? Look at me.”
When his request is ignored, Rick removes the knife from Daryl’s hand and replaces it with his own. He brings the bruised and bloodied knuckles to his lips and gives those a kiss as well. Daryl sighs at that but makes sure to avert his eyes elsewhere.
He tries again, “Please look at me. Let me see you.”
With this Daryl turns his head, his eyes the saddest blue that has even been painted. This brings a wounded sound from Rick and he pulls Daryl close enough to wrap his arms around him. Rick knows now.
“I know it hurts that you had to do this. I know you feel like it’s not enough. It is enough and I’m sorry it has come to this. This will help us all move forward. Thank you.”
His whispered words brush against Daryl’s ear and he shivers. Rick pulls him closer, kisses his hair and just breathes him in. Daryl doesn’t cry, he never does, but he presses his face to Rick’s throat and lets Rick rock him. It’s a small thing, maybe, having to kill a dog but to Daryl, it's more than that and that makes it matter to Rick.
Minutes or hours later, Daryl composes himself and pulls back to look at Rick. Though the sadness is still there in his eyes, he seems more at ease with what he has to do. He thanks Rick with a peck to his nose and forehead and Rick can’t help but laugh a little at that. Daryl gathers the knife again, much more determined than before. He’s making the first cut when Rick asks, “You want help with that?”
Daryl gives him a sarcastic look, “Hell nah, we gotta eat this. Ain’t no way I’m letting ya ruin it.”
He bumps his shoulder with Rick’s playfully to lessen the sting of his words and Rick laughs and shakes his head. He settles down cross-legged to enjoy the view of watching Daryl do what he does best – provide.