Chapter Text
Peter Parker was freaking out. He had narrowly escaped Times Square when J. Jonah Jameson's report, revealing his identity, illuminated across every conceivable public monitor. He was now safely hidden away in a Shield hideout in...well he wasn't really sure, but he was certain they probably were going to keep it that way.
Shield, luckily, didn't feel the need to take his phone as it was special Stark tech and already had encrypted transmissions integrated into the device. So that was convenient.
In his circumstance, checking social media right now is on the same level as using WebMD to self-diagnose. But...Peter couldn't help himself from looking at his social media accounts. This was mainly due to the fact that his phone was blowing up with notification after notification...he should probably work on those privacy settings...
He opened up Twitter and noticed the trending list: #SpideyNation #SpideyMenace #GodofThunder #IamGroot
"God of Thunder," read Peter aloud. "Isn't that Thor's account's name though?" Okay, now he was curious. Plus this was an excellent opportunity to avoid what he shouldn't be looking at anyway: social media.
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God of Thunder | @T-Hammer
“Hello there!” came a deep and suave accented voice, from a pretty attractive man with long dirty blonde hair and two different colored eyes. “Many of you know me as Thor…” He smiled into the camera, looking quite pleased with himself. “--or God of Thunder. And I’m here to tell you about a very special Avenger--albeit a tiny one… Though not as tiny as that one guy… though he also gets pretty large too…” Thor looked off in contemplation for a second, before a smile returned to his face.
“I am Groot?” came a voice from the background. Thor turned away from the recording device to look back at his companion. Tree could vaguely be seen in the background seated with one of his legs propped up along the arm of the chair, in his hands was some hand-held gaming device.
“I’m making a video recording to broadcast to Earth.”
“I am Groot ?”
“Why? Because I happen to have a quite bit more of free time now since I’m no longer ruling the nine realms. And since I’ve discovered Earth’s social media, I’ve become quite fascinated.”
“I am Groot.”
“Ah, yes! I am making a video…”
“I am Groot!”
“And--uh--Groot is here too!” Thor turned back towards the camera. “Anyway, there seems to be quite a few rumors going around about the--uh--Spider-child?” He paused for a moment, putting his hand to his mouth in thought. “ Spiderling? No, that’s not right…”
An off camera voice shouted, “Spider-man! It’s spider-man. I’ve only met the kid like once , and I can remember that, at least.”
“Of course, of course! How silly of me!” the long haired and bearded man shook his head in amusement. “Thank you, Quill. I’m much obliged. Anywho, when we crossed paths fighting Thanos--you know, big purple guy, tried to destroy half the universe--wooo!” He shook his fingers at the camera, his eyes real wide.
A raccoon in armor could be seen in the background just staring at the Asgardian. He scoffed in disgust, shaking his head while rubbing his forehead. “Idiot…” muttered Rocket under his breath before walking off screen.
“But back to the main point--Spider-man was a wonderful asset to the team while my new teammates here were fighting Thanos on Titan. And then like many of you--half the universe I suppose--got all dusty and disappeared for a few years. But, like a true hero , Spider-man fought the moment he returned and was portaled back to Earth. The wizard--apparently Earth has those now--brought my companions through as well...I was already there of course--always at the forefront of battle I am.” He smiled and nodded, looking quite pleased with himself.
Quill’s voice sounded again from somewhere off screen. “I’m confused. Is this about you or the kid? Because it’s really sounding like it’s about you .” The other dirty blonde haired man, Quill, came into the shot. “And for the record, Earth ,” Quill said the planet’s name with a dismissive tone. “I saved this not-so-good-looking guy’s ass when I found him floating in space. Also fought Thanos. So I’m pretty awesome too. Name’s Peter Quill by the way. Sorry ladies--I’m already in a committed relationship.”
“Didn’t Gamora knee you in the sack last time you saw her?” quipped Rocket, now partially back in the camera’s frame.
Quill’s mouth went into a hard line. A nerve had obviously been hit… “That’s only because she hadn’t met me in this time yet… Why do you always gotta be a furry jackass for, huh?” said Quill, turning to face the sentient raccoon.
“Is that any way to talk to your captain , Quill?” said Rocket in sarcastic disbelief, hands spread before him, before turning to walk away again.
Quill turned back to look directly into the camera, almost pushing Thor out of the way. “Also for the record, I’m the captain. And this is my ship.”
Thor had just been watching the exchange with a mildly amused look on his face, leaning back. “ Dear captain . I’m sure the Spider-child would love for your support. Please do describe your exploits together.”
Quill looked thoughtful for a moment. “I mean, sure, yeah. I guess why not. Don’t really know why you ask or why you want to record it, but...we uh met on Titan. Initial misunderstanding about who was on whose side--” he started laughing a bit to himself. “I almost blew the kid’s face off.” He shook his head again, almost trying to shake off the mirth he felt. “But then--uh--after working things out with Daddy Warbucks and the wizard, I came up with an awesome plan to defeat Thanos. And it worked too…”
“ Almost ,” interjected Thor.
“Excuse me?” Quill turned away from the camera and towards the God of Thunder. “I don’t remember you being there, jackass .”
“Well that’s because me, Tree, and the sweet rabbit were retrieving Storm Breaker from Nidavellir. You know, the new weapon I used to successfully cut off Thanos’ head.”
“Okay, first of all, Rocket is a raccoon , not a rabbit. And second--” Quill was cut off.
“Hold up! Hold up!” yelled a gruff voice. “ Don't call me a raccoon! I'm just Rocket! Ain't nothing else out there like me except me !”
“Son of a bitch…” muttered Quill, rubbing his forehead. “Rocket, you know I didn’t mean anything by it.” He turned towards the direction Rocket’s voice was coming from. “It’s just... kinda ...what you are.” He raised his arms, palms up, in false defeat while shaking his head. “Ain’t no way around it. Nu-uh. Sorry.”
“I am Groot .”
“You’re really gonna take his side?”
“I agree with Tree here. That was completely uncalled for, Quill. You have to better take other’s feelings into account.” Thor shook his head at his fellow companion in disappointment that seemed less than sincere. He had trouble hiding the humor he found in the situation as a smile ghosted his lips. He thought of Loki. “Perhaps, brother, I understand you better than before….” he mused.
A new voice sounded. “Aren’t you idiots trying to make a video message to help Spider-man?”
Thor recovered quickly. “Why, of course , new friend Nebula. The internet asked me to post a ‘story’ so we are telling one...or a few....to the world. If it doesn’t come out right, it’s my understanding that we can redo it.” The God of Thunder was not concerned. Human technology was nothing in comparison to the complex space magic he was used to utilizing and/or figuring out.
A partially mechanical and blue face entered the frame and got close to the camera, “It says you’re doing a... ‘livestream’.” She paused for a moment, her face was concentrating a bit, trying to extract some far off memory. “When Tony and I were stranded in space on the Maw’s ship, we had a chance to chat. He told me about Earth technology and their social media. There’s a way to send a pre-recorded message and then there’s a live version …” She turned away from the screen.
Thor spoke first, “So what you are trying to say is that Earth is watching us right now...as we speak?”
“I am Groot.”
“What do you know about Earth technology, Tree?”
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Peter stared with the blankest of stares at his phone screen, completely in shock at the Twitter Livestream coming from Thor’s hardly used account. 1) He was thankful for the support, but 2) Thor pretty much confirmed his age. He threw his hands up to cradle his head as his brows furrowed in disbelief and irritation. It was going to be so much harder to disprove who he was now. Goddammit.
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A/N: I have some other ideas rolling around for more social media support from other Avengers. Let me know what you think!