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The song was never supposed to be on the album. Brian had written it over a year before, and buried the lyrics deep in his piles of notebooks on his desk. They were never supposed to see it, and certainly never supposed to hear it. But life was funny sometimes.
It was Roger, of course, who found the lyrics. He had been helping Brian look for a completely different song that had been lost somewhere of Brian’s desk. Brian was usually pretty organized, but as Roger was so fond of pointing out, Brian’s head was quite often lost in the clouds (in the stars). Brian had no idea where he had left the song and Roger had volunteered his help.
“Stars of lovingness in her hair,” Roger read aloud, his voice soft.
Brian’s head whipped up and he could have screamed when he realized what Roger was holding. He ripped the paper from Roger’s hand, a knee-jerk reaction, and his them behind his back, trying not to look like a guilty child.
“Brian?”
Biting his lip, Brian took a deep breath to try to calm down. He quickly tucked the lyrics back into the notebook and put the notebook on the bottom of the pile. “That’s not the song we’re looking for. Just a bit of rubbish.” It wasn’t very convincing.
“It wasn’t rubbish,” Roger insisted. “That was beautiful. How does it end?”
“Sadly,” Brian told him truthfully.
But Roger didn’t let it go. “You should show the others. Freddie would love it.”
Brian shrugged, but didn’t respond. He looked at Roger, at the way his blond hair had grown long, past his shoulders. The way it glowed in the soft light, as if filled with stars.
“Just think about it, Bri.”
As if Brian hadn’t spent over a year thinking about it. Wondering how they would react if he told them.
But Brian couldn’t deny that Roger was right. Freddie would love the song. And it fit in perfectly with some of the other songs they had already decided to put on their second album, especially Freddie’s fantasy-type songs. The song was deeply personal, about feelings that Brian could never speak aloud. But that’s why it was good.
So, a week later, Brian wrote out the lyrics with music and brought the copies in to their next band meeting. It was with shaking hands that he gave them to the others. Brian couldn’t breathe as he watched them read.
“Darling, this is gorgeous. Will you play it for us?” Freddie’s smile made Brian’s heart ache.
Brian knew it would be asked of him, but that didn’t stop him from almost dropping his guitar as he picked it up to play, didn’t stop his hands from sweating. It didn’t stop the tears from forming in his eyes as he sang the words, avoiding the eyes of the others.
The room was silent when he finished. “Well?” he asked, nervous. Brian wasn’t sure what he would do if they hated it.
It was John who shook himself out of his stupor first. He clapped Freddie on the shoulder, and Freddie jumped as if he had been worlds away in his own mind. Roger too, seemed to be a bit out of it, his eyes glazed over as he bit his lip.
“It’s wonderful,” John said. The sincerity in his voice shocked Brian. “What’s it about?”
Brian tilted his head in confusion. They never asked each other that. Especially not with someone like Freddie in that band. Most of their songs weren’t about anything, or about many things all at once. And John usually didn’t care about that sort of thing anyway. He had the tendency to just play whatever they told him to play. “It’s not really about anything. Just sounded nice, I guess.”
Though Roger was sitting the farthest away from him, Brian still heard his quite sigh. He looked at Brian with an emotion he couldn’t quite describe. “Who is she?” he asked softly.
“She? There is no she,” Brian said. “It’s not really about a girl. It’s just how the words came out.”
“Then who is it about?” Freddie asked.
Brian shook his head. “What even makes you think it’s even about someone. I told you, it’s not about anything. It’s just a bit of rubbish!”
“It is about someone,” Roger insisted, his voice raised. “Who is it?”
Why was Roger getting so upset? “Why does it even bloody matter?” Brian asked loudly. He was so uncomfortable, he wanted nothing more in that moment than to run away.
“Because it does!” Roger shouted, rising to his feet and stepping closer to Brian.
“Roger! Stop-” Freddie tried to calm everything down, but was interrupted by John.
John cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention. “Is it about us, Bri?” he asked softly, his sad, dark eyes seeming brighter than usual.
Brian’s heart dropped into his stomach. He thought he might be sick. “What?”
“Is it about us?” John repeated. “That’s why Roger is getting upset. He wants it to be about us, but he doesn’t think it is.”
Not sure how to respond, Brian blinked slowly. The words couldn’t seem to process correctly in Brian’s mind. Surely he had heard John wrong.
“I think it is about us, though. So, is it?”
Throat closed up so tightly that Brian could barely breathe and he thought he might burst into tears at any moment, Brian could only nod hesitantly.
Roger and Freddie looked at him in disbelief and awe, but John only smiled at him. “You should have told us sooner,” John said, moving closer. Then, his lips were pressing lightly against Brian’s forehead, right above his eyebrow.
“I didn’t think I could,” Brian managed to gasp, feeling tears trickle over onto his cheeks.
The moment they noticed Brian was crying, Roger and Freddie rushed over to join them. Freddie took his hand and Roger touched his knee. It helped bring Brian back to the ground, anchoring him. Brian realized this was really happening.
“We’re yours if you want us,” Freddie told him, followed by nods of agreement from Roger and John.
Brian couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Of course I want you.”
The others laughed, drawing him in for a group hug. When they pulled away, they all decided together that the meeting was over. The song could be played around with later. Right now, they needed to be together.
“Maybe the ending isn’t as sad as you thought,” Roger whispered in his ear later on. Brian decided he should listen to Roger more often.