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The tea leaves float freely as the water covers them. Minami looks out the window for a moment before deciding he'd rather close the blinds.
Most kinds of magic are better done in the dark, illuminated only by the flames of candles, and specially that related to love. Divination is not an exception, so it's only natural that he'd prepare everything while he waits for the tea to be ready.
When everything's set to start, he picks the tea cup, takes in the smell of the beverage as he closes his eyes and takes a sip, focusing on his question.
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Minami is positively impacted by every second he spends with Haruki Sakura until the moment he realizes he's in love.
Something changes in him when his growing feelings for Haruki reveal themselves as his first love. The way his smiles make him feel have always made it pretty clear, since the first moment, but he knows it deep inside of his heart: there's something completely different in him, in their relationship, the moment he finally sees his feelings for what they truly are.
He isn't used to the idea of loving without fearing he'll be taken advantage of for something. He's still too scared of the way love has always been used to bind him with responsibilities and destroy him with guilt, but...
But Haruki Sakura isn't like that.
Haruki always pushes him to do what he wants, to be who he wants to be. And more than anything, he can clearly see through Minami to the point that he knows more about who he is and wants to be than he himself does.
Rather than asking Minami to behave, to do as he's told, Haruki actively encourages him to be bold, clear about his wishes, unyielding.
He specifically tells him he loves his rebellious side.
("I don't have a rebellious side, Sakura-san"
"What are you doing so far away from Japan on your own then, Minami? Did anyone tell you do to it?"
"... no. They advised me against it, actually"
"And yet you're here, for the sake of your own happiness. That's admirable")
Haruki is all smiles to him, even when Minami does something he doesn't particularly approve of. Haruki is kind even when he needs to scold Minami, and he is ruthless with his words when it comes to respecting each other, but he's still the softest person he's ever met. He's still the most loving person he's ever met in his life and Minami feels all that love invade him until he's overflowing with it.
Maybe his first reaction was to be scared, but in that moment, he wouldn't have thought (like he later did) that there was no way for him to come out of a love relationship with Haruki unharmed.
In that moment, he lets love take the reins and he lets himself enjoy it. Carefully, so as to not get burned in the quiet intensity he's just getting used to.
Minami's young, after all. He just wants to feel this first love, and if being with Haruki feels even better after that small epiphany, then what can be so bad about it?
-----------
Their first kiss is an accident.
At least that's what Minami thinks it is. At least he believes it should never have happened, and if he hadn't moved his hand away from his mouth in that precise moment, sitting by the piano with Haruki on a spring afternoon, to remove the hair falling on his face...
They both know. What Haruki intended to do was kiss his hand, an attempt at cheering Minami up as he felt the insecurity of starting something new, of feeling his first big art block, but what he ended up doing because of Minami's sudden movement was kiss his lips instead.
Minami's face grows red in an instant, while Haruki simply lets out a small "ah"
Even something like that was too much, because Minami knows Haruki is aware of his feelings, and so he lets out a long, embarrassed sigh and turns back to look down at the piano keys. He's feeling impossibly shy in front of his first love, and Haruki smiles at him and actually has the gall to ask "... sorry, did that bother you?"
"No, I... it was an accident, sorry" Minami has to clear his throat about five times before he can actually speak, but he's content enough with his answer... that is, until he looks at Haruki and finds him staring.
"It's not like you have to apologize. I liked it" Haruki's smile isn't the goofy one Minami's used to. Rather, there is a certain seriousness to it, like it's inviting him to have a mature conversation about his feelings. He feels his heart stop for a second until his fingers start fiddling with the keys, trying to calm him down.
"... you did? I mean, I liked it too, but" Minami stops talking for a second, but not playing. He really needs to collect his thoughts before he says something terrible, he thinks, but Haruki puts a hand on his shoulder and urges him "It's okay, say it"
"I don't know what you want from me and honestly, even if I did, I'm not sure it'd work out"
He stops playing then.
Haruki lets out a soft "ah" again, looks to the side for a second before locking his eyes to Minami's once more and asking "I'm not sure what you want either, but why do you think it couldn't work? Is it because of the age difference, because you're going back to Japan, or because of something else?"
Minami can't help raising an eyebrow at his mentor after that reply. He thought it was pretty obvious, as clear as the fact that he likes Haruki in a romantic way, so having to explain it feels... a bit irritating, but also confusing.
"... I don't exactly love how you're always swarmed by attractive women, you know?" Minami might be glaring a bit at Haruki when he says that, but Haruki barely shrugs so he immediately corrects himself "Yes, I know it doesn't bother you in the slightest"
"Who would dislike being loved by beautiful women?" Haruki gives him an apologetic smile, but it's too sweet for Minami's current mood. His irritation turns to mild indignation when Haruki continues "And, all women are beautiful, so..."
"So you're a bit of a casanova, is what you're saying"
"Guilty as charged"
Minami lets out the longest sigh of his life as Haruki simply smiles and starts playing with his hair, the same unruly thing that caused this whole misunderstanding and, by extension, this awkward conversation.
"You're such a flighty man"
"Even so, I love you, Minami"
Haruki's smile is sincere, like he's not lying at all. Minami shakes his head, trying hard not to believe it.
"Are you capable of romantic love, Sakura-san?" Minami's voice is only half sarcastic as he leans his forehead on his hand slowly. Haruki takes the other hand in his own and kisses it before replying "Much more than you think"
"Are you capable of faithfulness, then?"
"Not entirely. I can't help falling in love easily" Haruki's smile is half apologetic, half dreamy, and Minami doesn't know how to feel about it. Haruki kisses his cheek and Minami feels himself melting.
What would be so terrible about giving in. What would be so bad if he got to have Haruki's love, even if only a part...?
Minami leans in, slowly. Carefully. He isn't sure about this, but Haruki moves closer, holds him, kisses his neck and whispers in his ear.
"I don't want to hurt you. But if you can accept this, I'd like to kiss you a lot more"
Minami gives in.
-----------
Regardless of whatever happens between them, Minami thinks in that moment, he'll never regret this.
Haruki is gentle with him all the way, in a way no one has ever been about anything. He's patient, and sweet, and makes Minami feel safe through a experience he always thought would be scary.
Haruki's hands on his body are warm, as are his lips, carefully arousing him, carefully drowning him in more and more pleasure, like waves on a shore. His movements are kind, and Minami relaxes to the point that not even penetration is painful. Sex isn't violent at all, unlike he feared, and instead he surrenders to Haruki completely, letting himself be a young man in love having his first time with his experienced beloved.
Minami feels happy, and loved, and even as his breath becomes pants he feels too good to care. He can't care about anything but this when Haruki's looking at him with lust and desire, yes, but also like he's the most precious person in this world. Minami is full of love, but so is Haruki, and Minami remembers then that he's also full of Haruki and feels even better about that, to the point that he feels like he's melting in Haruki's arms.
Even his climax feels strangely calm, not as explosive as he had heard it would be but certainly intense, leaving him spent and completely relaxed after all that build up.
When Haruki finishes, he kisses Minami's forehead before moving to lay down beside him, looking at him with all the sweetness of a lover that Minami never thought he'd get from him, or anyone to begin with.
"Minami, you're so beautiful" Haruki is all smiles, and he kisses Minami's lips softly, stays like that for a few seconds before asking "Is this how you imagined your first time?"
Minami rolls his eyes a bit, thinking, as he moves to curl up against Haruki "... not really. I should've guessed a flighty man like you is really experienced, though"
Haruki only laughs when Minami calls him that, and like that first time, he always holds Minami after sex, kissing his forehead every now and then and playing with his hair until he falls asleep.
------------
At first, Minami thought it might have been a one time thing, a two time thing... Maybe something to do with blood pressure or the weather or, or, or....
Many hypotheses come and go in his head, but the truth is that, the more Haruki just collapses on him, in a way that to Minami seems completely out of the blue, the more scared he feels.
This is something serious. That's the conclusion he comes to, finally, but every time (every. Single . TIME ) Haruki faints, every time Minami's heart thumps in panic and breaks at the thought that anything could happen to his beloved, he'll always make the same joke as he smiles at him:
"I'm glad I always come to to such a pretty face"
It makes Minami want to hit him, if only he wasn't as worried as he is about his well being. If only him dying wasn't exactly what worries him, he'd say it really makes him want to kill Haruki.
When Haruki finally explains to him the severity of his illness, after much pushing and a long conversation about just how much Minami really cares about him and how much it scares him that he doesn't even understand what's going on, Minami feels a tiny hope. It definitely was a slip and Haruki tried to hide it after saying it, to brush it over and sweep it under the rug, but Minami heard it: there is a treatment for his illness.
"Why don't you take the treatment, then, Sakura-san?"
"... Minami, let's play together. I made a four hands arrangement of my new song, I want to see if it makes any sense"
Through every single change of subject after that first one, Minami grows more and more furious, but every single time Haruki invites him to play the piano. And every single time Minami agrees, even if the last thing he wants to do is yield.
Haruki always laughs softly, mocking him-
"How come you only play aggressively when you're mad at me?"
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When Minami finally knows why Haruki refuses treatment, he understands why he keeps changing the subject. Why he refuses to say it himself.
Minami has always doubted his love. Haruki knows this, and yet, no matter how many times he says he loves Minami...
He wants to leave. He wants to stop seeing him forever, he wants to kill him himself, he wants to destroy him and everything he holds dear and everything he stands for.
Minami's reaction to this isn't pretty. Their conversation isn't pretty, no, and it leaves him broken. Haruki tries to take the focus away from it the days after it happens, and Minami does his best, too, to concentrate on music.
He doesn't want to feel like he does, like he's the one that's dying. He doesn't want to feel tears welling up in his eyes everytime he looks at Haruki. He doesn't want to feel betrayed.
(He doesn't want to feel like he was right and this is exactly what happens when you love more than you're loved)
He tries his best to smile when they're together, even when he knows Haruki can see through him. Even when Haruki makes jokes about his acting skills that hurt too much, all Minami does is reply with jabs at his poor decision making skills.
But in the end, who's the one making the terrible choice to keep loving a person who doesn't prioritize him, who doesn't love him as much as he does, who will leave him too early just because he's an idiot?
Minami feels himself getting bitter every day, but he still loves Haruki. He wants to hate him but he still loves him.
He wants to stop caring so it won't hurt when it happens. Instead, Haruki says "I love you" and "Thanks for loving me" and Minami is suddenly in his arms, a mess of emotions that don't make sense at all.
He wants to kiss that stubborn mouth as long as Haruki's alive, and he wants to be wrapped in those arms when he's crying and when he's not, and he wants those sweet smiles to make him happy again and not just... angry. Or sad.
Haruki is his first love. Minami can't wait to say "was", but not because of death. He just can't wait to meet a second love, regardless of what that would do to him after this.
But he knows that he still loves Haruki, and he'll still love him when he boards the plane back to Japan.
---------
"You know what really turns me on?" Minami ventures, not at all convinced this will be fun but willing to joke about it as an attempt to stop crying about it.
"Mmm?" Haruki's voice is lazy as he looks at Minami, right beside him in bed, pleased after-sex smile sweet in his face.
"Living, healthy men" Minami sees the way Haruki raises his eyebrows at him when he hears that answer, and continues in a cheeky tone "I just find the idea of planning a future together really, really sexy"
"That's great, then" Haruki is half laughing and Minami knows his answer will be infuriating, but nothing prepares him enough for it "I'd probably be way too irresistible to you if I was healthy"
Minami's expression must have been very funny, because Haruki starts giggling softly, even as Minami huffs indignantly and turns his face away from him.
"I really want to curse at you right now, but that's not like me at all"
"Do it" Haruki's reply comes really fast, and it's Minami's turn to look at him confused, not expecting the rest of the joke "Rebellious Minami is really hot"
"... fuck you"
Haruki laughs loudly, but Minami isn't sure if it's because he can't hold back from insulting him or because he might just be yielding to whatever Haruki wants from him.
Either way, he kisses Minami in between chuckles while he calms down the laughter. It's a bit contagious, however, and Minami himself needs to hold back a giggle while they kiss.
Haruki Sakura's kisses are always an appeasement, but he still likes them very much.
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The night before leaving, Haruki apologizes to him again. For making him suffer in love and for not listening to him about the treatment for his illness, and for anything else that could have hurt him.
Minami just wants this all to be over and smiles through it.
He's surprised to learn Haruki will go with him to the airport when the morning comes, but he knows better than to lie about what he wants to Haruki.
("You don't want me to come?")
If he can have him just a second longer, then...
("Please do")
Minami isn't sure what's waiting for him in Japan despite having plans for a new movie in his schedule, and knowing who'll pick him up from the airport once he arrives. He genuinely has no idea what life is going to be like without Haruki, and the hand holding his gives him at least a bit of hope that for Haruki it won't be the same without him either.
It's a fickle hope he doesn't want to bet on, though.
"I love you"
"Don't say it"
"... okay. But I still hope you'll find happiness"
Minami closes his eyes, sighing. He didn't do it because he was expecting anything, and the kiss comes as a surprise but he doesn't want it to end.
Public displays of affection were not exactly frowned upon in Northmarea as they were in Japan, but for two japanese man the taboo certainly is there, so a part of him feels confused.
But it's not a large part of him. He absolutely understands the meaning of this kiss.
It's a farewell kiss like no other.
Neither says it, but they don't need to. This is a kiss in case they never meet again, which is depressingly likely.
Minami kisses Haruki like he wants to give his life to him. Haruki kisses it back to him.
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He lets out one last breath before looking down inside the teacup. He frowns at it, focusing and focusing on the leaves.
His eyes are probably too tired. He's been working too much lately, so his mind is probably tired, unable to focus properly, and as a result he can't see anything.
Or at least not anything that makes sense.
"I really am bad at this after all...."
Either he was too unexperienced in tasseomancy or the spirit of tea leaves really hated him.
That must be it. He was being mocked by them.
Otherwise, how could the ones in his cup say that such a tragic story was one of mutual love?