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“He’s there again today, in case you’re wondering~” Satori leaned up against Ushijima’s back, singing in his ear.
The brunet didn’t even bother to look back at him, replying gruffly, “I don’t care.”
“Ahh~, but you didn’t ask who I was talking about, so you do care!” Satori sang, dancing around the taller now to grin obnoxiously up at him. Ushijima sighed wearily. He was tired from a long practice, and some days Satori annoyed him more than others.
Today was one of those days.
He glanced to his right, at the small conbini that his teammates and he often stopped at after practice for a snack or drink. Sure enough, there was a small head of bright orange hair bobbing behind where the counter was inside.
Satori had decided, for whatever reason, that Ushijima was taken with the small boy behind the counter. He always mentioned him when they walked past, or sometimes even after practice when he asked Ushijima if he wanted to stop to get something. Ushijima felt he’d acted natural around the small human, but apparently Satori thought otherwise. It wasn’t Ushijima’s fault that he coincidentally only bought things when the boy was working, or that the boy worked nearly everyday they stopped in.
Still, Ushijima headed into the conbini. Satori snickered as he followed after, Semi leaning against the bench and rolling his eyes, already having gone in and bought what he wanted in the time it took Satori and Ushijima to do their little song and dance. Semi agreed with Satori, but he didn’t care to say it aloud.
The bell rang above the door and bright, wide eyes turned up to see who it was. Recognition lit up his small, round face, and he waved enthusiastically at Ushijima as Satori elbowed him obnoxiously in the ribs. Ushijima quickly grabbed a flavored water and walked up to the register counter. The small orange-haired boy bounced to attention, grinning up at Ushijima, but he didn’t say a thing. This was it, really, the reason why Ushijima was intrigued. Because he was, though he’d never admit it aloud, but it wasn’t for any of the reasons Satori claimed. No, he found it frustrating that he had never once heard the boy utter a single word, despite greeting Ushijima so enthusiastically, besides always smiling like a fool. Yeah, it was irritating that he could smile so wide and not even say, “Hello”.
“Hey,” Ushijima gruffed as the other was in the middle of ringing up his drink. Wide, brown eyes jerked up to his face, and the kid looked at him in trepidation. “What’s your name?”
A smile bloomed on his face again as his brown eyes melted to happiness, but he didn’t say anything, just tugged down at his shirt almost like he was nervous, revealing his name tag. Hinata Shouyo. Ushijima’s eyes rolled back up to Hinata’s face; the name fit almost too well, as Hinata grinned wide at him. He found it annoying.
He was about to ask another question that Hinata couldn’t possibly answer non-verbally, when Satori slinked up behind Ushijima and shouted, “Hey, hey, hey!” There was a moment of pause, just a split second, until Satori pushed under Ushijima’s arm and waved at Hinata. The orange haired boy startled, almost like he’d been too focused on Ushijima, brown eyes darting nervously down to Satori, taking him in. His whole face was like an open book, and Ushijima found it... annoying? Something stirred in his gut.
Wide eyes darted back up to Ushijima, and Hinata smiled nervously. Ushijima didn’t like it; he pushed Satori away as he grabbed the ice cream the other’d meant to buy, pressing it to the counter to buy for him. “Go away,” he said to Satori, and then he turned back to Hinata. Big brown eyes blinked at him in silence, but slowly Hinata smiled wide again. Ushijima’s heart thumped, and his stomach did a little gymnastics move. He frowned, annoyed again. Hinata just kept smiling. It took another few minutes of awkward silence for Ushijima to realize Hinata was waiting for him to pay.
“Oh,” he whispered as he grabbed his wallet and pressed two bills to the counter. Hinata scooped them up happily, making a little hum as he put the money in his drawer and counted out the change. Ushijima reached for it, Hinata’s hand so small that his own nearly cupped it when he gave him his coins. For the briefest moments, their skin touched. Hinata grinned wide at him, but he was silent still, and Ushijima awkwardly turned away and stalked out the store.
He didn’t like Hinata; he found him annoying. So why did the boy stick in his mind? He pushed Satori’s ice cream at him and stalked off down the road to go home. He didn’t want to deal with people any more today.
x
Semi walked silently beside Ushijima, Satori having run off early due to family commitments. Semi didn’t really talk either, but Ushijima didn’t find it as unsettling as Hinata’s silence; Semi just didn’t care for small talk, and Ushijima was fine with that, considering how loud Satori usually was.
“Want something?” was all Semi said as they passed the small conbini, Semi inclining his head to it. Ushijima pulled out his wallet, only a single bill and a few coins inside, change from a few days ago, but he was thirsty, so he nodded. Semi pressed a bill into Ushijima’s hand and sat down on the bench just outside the door.
“Get me something.”
“Seriously?” Ushijima stared down in disbelief at his teammate, at the extra bill in his hand. He couldn’t believe the audacity, but Semi just stared up at him with passive eyes. Ushijima hated the look the other was giving him, and suddenly he thought maybe Semi was worse than Satori after all. “Not you, too,” he groaned as he looked up and inside the shop. Hinata could be seen behind the counter again. Semi just shrugged and leaned back on the bench, silent, but Ushijima thought that maybe everyone was against him about this issue with Hinata. He thought about defending himself, but neither he nor Semi cared enough about it right now, so he just silently accepted the money and stepped into the conbini.
He clicked his tongue quietly when Hinata’s head snapped up, smiling big before he’d even really taken Ushijima in. It was like he was beginning to know around what time Ushijima stopped by, and that annoyed the taller male too. He tugged at his track jacket in annoyance, turning to the fridges at the back with drinks. He grabbed an oolong tea and a plain water for Semi, the brat. Silently, he stalked up to the counter, Hinata waiting there with a grin so wide it looked almost painful. Ushijima clicked his tongue again, but Hinata just began to ring up his things. He pressed his money down to the counter, Hinata scooping it up. He counted it, frowned slightly. Brown eyes turned up to Ushijima, waiting, annoyingly silent even as his eyes asked questions. Ushijima stared at the two bills in Hinata’s hand, not understanding.
“What?” He finally barked out, very annoyed and frustrated. Hinata just blinked at him, then quietly pointed to the little display screen above the register that showed Ushijima’s total. Ushijima frowned as he realized what was wrong. But how come his two bills weren’t enough to cover his two drinks? He glanced down in confusion and realized suddenly that he’d picked out the most expensive water the shop carried, some fancy European crap. He groaned, but he didn’t care enough to go back and get anything else, so he fished out his wallet for his change, counting out a few coins. “Why didn’t you just say it wasn’t enough?” he muttered to Hinata angrily. Glittering brown eyes met his own when he looked up, Hinata smiling like he hadn’t heard him at all. Ushijima frowned, and finally Hinata’s smile stuttered. He glanced down at the change Ushijima was holding out for him, gingerly took it, almost like he was afraid of Ushijima suddenly.
Brown eyes looked up just as Ushijima growled, “Damn it, what’s wrong with you anyways?” He was met only with a blank smile. He hated it. His fingers itched to reach forward and push Hinata’s lips back up into a wide smile, but he clenched his hand instead. Hinata handed him his change, and Ushijima scooped up his drink.
Semi stared up at him with bored eyes, but Ushijima was too focused on the change and drink in his hand, the feeling of his fingers tingling and his stomach churning to pay the other any attention. He turned to walk away, Semi uttering a small, “Ah,” just as the door to the conbini chimed behind Ushijima. Something halted him; a small hand had gripped at his track jacket, a strangled noise from behind. Ushijima turned, ready to lash out at Semi, but he froze when he saw big, brown eyes staring up at him in wide worry. He glanced over the head of orange at Semi, who was giving him the most annoying blasé look. Back down to Hinata, who was now holding up a bottle of something in his free hand, his other, Ushijima finally noticed, still holding onto the hem of his jacket. He turned in confusion, watched as Hinata’s lips parted and he let out a distressed noise.
“What the-“ voiced Ushijima tonelessly. Semi stepped around the two and unceremoniously grabbed the water bottle from Hinata’s hand.
“I’m guessing this is mine,” he said as he turned away, and Hinata blinked up at Semi in surprise, and then looked to Ushijima again in worry.
“I got it for him...” Ushijima explained, even as he wondered why it mattered. He thrust his thumb over his shoulder to point at Semi, Hinata’s eyes following it and settling on Semi again.
Semi had his back turned now, and Ushijima watched as Hinata’s eyes shifted over the back of the jacket his teammate wore, reading. His eyes went wide and jerked back to Ushijima, taking in the matching jackets. His mouth opened wide and he choked out another noise, excited this time. Ushijima frowned deeply, whispered, “What the fuck?” But Hinata seemed too excited, suddenly waving his arm and making big eyes at Ushijima and Semi, who had turned again at this point. Semi was annoyingly silent as he grinned at the two, probably loving Ushijima’s frustration.
Hinata jumped back suddenly and began mimicking something. His hands formed around an invisible round, and then he tossed it up, eyes following what wasn’t there. Ushijima’s jaw went slack, so confused, but then Hinata tensed his legs and suddenly he was soaring up into the sky, eyes shut, grinning so wide, as his hand slammed forward, like he was hitting an invisible ball. A volleyball, Ushijima realized. He was mimicking volleyball.
“Looks like he likes volleyball,” Semi said with a delighted chuckle, loving way too much how annoying Ushijima found all of this. Why couldn’t Hinata just say-
But Hinata was now scurrying around him, tugging at his jacket and his gym bag, making those odd little noises.
“What’s wrong with you?” Ushijima barked out when he’d had about enough of it all. Hinata came to a halt, bouncing on his feet in his sandals, grinning wide. He looked up at Ushijima with a big smile, and then just like that, he scurried back inside the conbini, humming out of tune but happy. “What the fuck?” Ushijima asked again.
Semi turned and laughed. “Looks like you’ve got a fan boy, Ushi.”
“Don’t call me that,” the other barked, but he followed after him anyways with a deep frown.
All night and the next day he thought about Hinata, how weird he was, how much he hated the little shrimp, how much he annoyed Ushijima. He couldn’t get him out of his head.
When Satori paused expectantly in front of the conbini after practice, Ushijima didn’t even think as his feet turned to walk him inside. He was staring at the ground, frowning. The bell rang and his head pulled up without much consent or thought from Ushijima himself. A solid mass slammed against his back, and Ushijima didn’t even realize he’d stopped walking. Satori peered around him.
He crooned, “Ooh, the little fan boy’s not here today.” He disappointedly turned from Ushijima’s back and walked back outside, reporting to Semi.
But Ushijima was just staring at the smaller version of Hinata that sat behind the counter, almost identical if it wasn’t for the longer hair and the smaller smile. Familiar brown eyes looked Ushijima over. Recognition dawned when she took in his uniform.
He slowly moved to grab a drink, stiffly walking back to the counter. He wasn’t sure why his stomach twisted or his mouth frowned. It wasn’t like he cared if Hinata was actually there or not, but this feeling was the same as the feeling he used to have when he lost a match. Why was he so upset?
The female Hinata, as Ushijima had by now dubbed her, smiled up at him, not nearly as blinding as Hinata’s own, and Ushijima’s stomach twisted again.
“Ah, you must be the guy Shouyo always talks about,” she said with a knowing grin. Ushijima’s eyes swiveled up to hers, and he frowned. “Thanks for always taking care of Shouyo.”
But Ushijima shook his head and murmured, “So he does talk.”
The girl behind the counter tilted her head, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “Well, in a way...” She tapped softly at the counter, questions in her eyes. “Hmm, I thought everyone knew...”
Ushijima sighed in annoyance. “Can you just ring me up? I’m tired.”
She nodded, silent for a moment until she said, “You know, Shouyo loves volleyball.” She eyed Ushijima’s jacket and bag.
Ushijima rolled his eyes, the twisting of disappointment in his stomach mixing with his annoyance at the situation. Why could this girl talk to him so easily while Hinata was so tight-lipped. “I hadn’t noticed,” he said, sarcastically. She blinked at him, smiled.
“That’ll be 98 yen,” she said as she tapped at the display. He silently handed over the money.
“I’m sure he’d love to play with you one time-“ she began, but Ushijima was rolling his eyes and already turned away. “Ah, Mama!” she said in surprise, and Ushijima looked over his shoulder just in time to see her make hand motions at the woman who’d joined her behind the counter. The woman made more hand motions back. God, the whole family looked identical. But there was something else familiar between the mother and Hinata. Ushijima turned slowly and stared openly as the two made hand motions back and forth, something very obvious dawning on him, and Ushijima felt incredibly stupid.
Hinata’s sister noticed him still standing, turned a little and smiled when she noticed his staring. “Well, I was going to see how long it took you to figure it out, but I guess you’ve got it now, huh?”
“What-“ croaked Ushijima as he slowly put the pieces together. “Is Hinata...”
“He and my mom are both deaf, so we use sign language to communicate. Trust me, Shouto talks a lot. You just have to know how to understand him.” She smiled at Ushijima, something close to Hinata’s own smiles. “Please continue to watch over my big brother.”
“Big-“ Ushijima croaked out.
“Ah, he’s almost nineteen now,” she said with a giggle.
“But he’s so-“ Ushijima raised his hand a little, his palm parallel to the ground. Hinata was... older than him?!
“Ah, yeah, we’re all pretty short in our family, though I suspect Hinata’s still got some growing to do.”
Ushijima wondered what kind of world he’d wandered into inside this conbini.
“Well, he makes up for his height in personality,” she said with a wide grin. Waving, she added, “Come see us again soon.”
Ushijima turned silently around, not even able to hear Satori as the other chirped at him excitedly, bouncing around, Semi following behind silently.
It wasn’t until Satori split off from them that Semi spoke. “I can teach you some, if you want,” he said with that annoying smile. Ushijima wearily blinked up at him, the first time he’d come back to the present on the whole walk home. He frowned at Semi.
“Sign language, I mean. I know a little.”
Ushijima stopped in his tracks for a moment. He wasn’t sure why he cared so much. He waved Semi off and turned towards his own house. He didn’t have the time or mental capacity to learn another language, not with exams coming up soon and their qualifier games for the Spring Interhigh. He didn’t have time.
x
He’d spent way too much time searching for it, but still he walked home a little proudly with a new Shiratorizawa team jacket clenched in his fist. It was nearly evening, everyone else from his team long gone. He’d had to track down first their coach and then their advisor sensei to find out if there were extra jackets left over. With some kind of luck, there were a few that had been ordered and had come in too small, and Ushijima had grabbed the smallest one up without hesitation. He wondered why he was doing all of this, why he cared.
It had been a long week for him, between practice matches and studying, and thinking about Hinata. He still found the smaller male annoying, especially knowing now he was a year older than Ushijima, and yet he was still so small. It was annoying that he could jump so high, that despite his set-backs, he was so positive. That he could smile so big at Ushijima knowing nothing about him, that he’d never get to hear Ushijima yell at him in annoyance. Hinata annoyed Ushijima so much that he was walking to the conbini store with a jersey for the little clutched in his fist. He wished someone could explain it to him, but he didn’t dare tell anyone he knew.
The bell rang above the door, but the store seemed empty. Ushijima couldn’t help but feel disappointed, stomach twisting. He angrily stuffed the jacket into his bag. He walked to the back, to the coolers to grab a drink, not even looking. Something small collided with him, startling back. Wide brown eyes stared up at him in shock, little hands profusely signing something. But Hinata froze when he recognized who it was he’d bumped into, his hands dropping so fast and hiding behind his back. His whole face went red even as he beamed wide, eyes shut. Ushijima stared down at him, annoyed again. He wondered if it was his imagination that Hinata had tried to hide his signing from him. That annoyed him even more, but maybe Hinata had just been so startled to realize it was Ushijima...
Ushijima held up his drink and inclined his head towards the front desk. Hinata nodded, almost looking relieved as he scurried up front, hands now moving to clutch in front of him. Ushijima stood still as he let an unknown feeling wash over him, lips twisting bitterly. Finally he followed Hinata to the front.
A door swung open, and someone called out, “Ah, you’re back!” Ushijima’s eyes swiveled to Hinata’s sister, emerging from a small backroom. He nodded at her, watched as she turned to Hinata and began signing at him.
The unknown feeling grew more and more unsettling as he watched Hinata’s eyes flick to the side, notice his sister signing, and quickly look away. His movements became stiffer, his smile a little less stable as he worked silently to ring up Ushijima’s drink. Wide brown eyes stared at him when he was done, Ushijima staring back, almost defiantly. Hinata’s sister stood awkward next to the two, and Ushijima could tell how obviously Hinata was avoiding eye contact with her. The feeling grew again, and he clutched at the strap of his bag as he pulled out his wallet. The jacket stayed stuffed inside his bag as bitterness rose in his throat. He paid and quietly stalked out, not looking back once.
He gnawed angrily at his lip, so bitterly annoyed. He didn’t even know why it mattered, but he wasn’t imagining it, was he? Hinata seemed like he was trying to hide that he was deaf from Ushijima. Was that what it was? Ushijima couldn’t think what else it could be. He didn’t know why he cared. He stuffed the jacket for Hinata deeper into his bag and tossed his wallet inside.
Whatever. He didn’t care. Why should he?
Ushijima figured out that he was terrible at lying to himself in the next few days.
x
“Teach me,” said Ushijima as he sat down begrudgingly in the chair in front of Semi’s desk. Dark eyes looked up at him in bored confusion.
“What? Having trouble with math again?”
Ushijima frowned and growled at Semi. “Sign language. Teach me.”
Semi’s eyes went slightly wider, and he took a moment of pause as he looked at Ushijima. He opened his lips slightly like he meant to ask something, but then he just shut them and nodded.
“I only know a little,” he reminded Ushijima, preparing before the taller could get mad at him later. Semi knew how to handle Ushijima by now. It was annoying.
“Just teach me,” Ushijima grumbled.
Semi pulled his hands up to his desk and sighed. “Okay.”
x
Natsu, as he’d learned her name was, stared forlornly at Ushijima, who was frowning down at her. Every time Ushijima had come to the conbini lately, Hinata had scurried off, not meeting his eyes, hiding in the back. To be frank, he was getting very annoyed by it, and he was sick of seeing Natsu’s face. He said as much, and she just sighed.
“There’s nothing I can do about it. Nothing I say will convince him.”
Then what was the point? What am I supposed to do? He stuck his hand into his bag and fingered at the jacket he’d been carrying around for a week now. He frowned deeper; he was annoyed.
“I’ll tell him you stopped by,” was all she said with a hopeful smile, but Ushijima just took his drink and walked out, not even bothering to take his change back. He was glad he was alone today; he wasn’t in the mood to be around his teammates. He sat down on the bench outside and slowly drank his tea, thinking. When he finished it, he’d come to a decision, and he stood. He tossed his bottle into a recycle bin and stepped back into the cool of the shop.
He froze. Hinata hadn’t noticed him, thinking he was safe probably, since Ushijima had already stopped by. Usually he was aware of his surroundings, noticing movement so he could greet customers, but now he sat at the counter, cheek smooshed in the palm of his hand, looking so upset that it was... unbearable. His eyes were cast down and clouded over, Hinata not currently in the shop but somewhere far off in his mind as he drew circles on the countertop. Ushijima moved carefully.
A little head of orange hair jerked, eyes going clear and wide as something white and maroon was slid silently across the counter to him. Somehow Ushijima had managed to fold it nicely after pulling it from his bag. His heart jumped when Hinata finally looked at him for the first time in a whole week. He didn’t actually think he’d missed that gaze so much, those big, innocent eyes. He gave the weakest smile, his stomach twisting in knots. He should feel annoyed still, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel so upset about it. He tapped instead at the counter, looking down from Hinata’s eyes to the jacket. When brown eyes had jerked back down, Ushijima slid his hand over the jacket, then very deliberately, very slowly, he raised his hand and pointed at Hinata.
So many emotions flashed over Hinata’s face that it was beautiful to behold, but when his face finally settled on a shaky frown, Ushijima felt disappointment sink deep in his stomach.
“Take it,” he huffed angrily, even knowing Hinata couldn’t hear. He pushed the jacket closer to Hinata’s elbows on the counter. Tiny hands carefully dropped to the fabric, clutched at it even as he pushed it back. Ushijima wasted no time sliding it to Hinata again, who pushed it away once more. It happened two more times. By then Ushijima was feeling very, very annoyed again, and angry, because damn it, he’d done this for Hinata and why wouldn’t Hinata just take it when he so clearly wanted it. He hadn’t even let go of the jacket since the first time he’d touched it, no matter how many times he pushed it back to Ushijima. Ushijima shoved it back one last time, barking Hinata’s name even knowing it was useless, and then he turned on his heel and ran out the store. If he wasn’t there, Hinata couldn’t return the jacket; that was his logic. He ran all the way home, frustration pushing up his throat. He wished he was better at this stuff; if he could sign for Hinata, if he could just make the other understand, but he was angry and intimidating, and when had anyone actually listened properly to what he had to say before he got angry?
He pulled at his hair and scrubbed at his scalp, sinking into his bed, his heart filled with so much desire and swirling confusion. He just wanted Hinata to smile again.
x
Their coach had implemented a new training regiment, more fierce with the qualifier games coming up in less than two weeks. Between school and volleyball, Ushijima had barely any time left to think. He would walk straight home after practice and crash on his bed, sleeping until his alarm went off at 4:45 again for morning practice. He’d jog to school and jump right into practice, and then it was school and lunch with Semi and more practice. A week flew by, and Ushijima felt tired nearly to his bones. Sunday came, with blessedly a break. He ran his usual lap around the neighborhood, slowing as he jogged past the conbini he hadn’t stopped at in nearly nine days. He stared through the window, but he couldn’t see Hinata or anyone else. He sighed wearily and slowly picked up his pace again, but he was tired, so tired, and if he could just see Hinata, he could make it through the week.
The bell rang into the emptiness of the store, and Ushijima felt like he was invading the space. He slowly walked to the back to get a drink from the fridges, looking around, taking his time, careful not to disturb the quiet. Somewhere to his right, a door opened and closed quietly. After picking out his drink, he carefully made his way back to the front counter.
Hinata had his back turned, but just the sight of him made Ushijima’s whole body come back to life. Even the small Shiratorizawa jacket looked big on his shoulders, his hair wonderfully mussed, quietly restocking the cigarettes behind the counter. Ushijima set his drink down and had to hide his smile behind his hand. The motion caught Hinata’s eye, and he whirled around, eyes going wide when he saw Ushijima. He froze, eyes like a deer caught in the headlights, and then he whirled around on his heels and made a break for the back room, but the door flew open just before he could grab the handle, and he ran into his sister’s solid form. Her eyes darted down worriedly to Hinata, then up, taking in Ushijima, his drink, Hinata’s bewildered face. She silently took hold of Hinata’s shoulders and turned him back around, marched him back to the counter. His whole face was turned away as his cheeks went red, embarrassed.
“You have a customer,” she said as she signed to her brother. Hinata very surely could see her hands, as he stayed stiffly where she’d put him. He looked so wonderfully adorable and tiny in the jacket; Ushijima couldn’t help but feel... annoyed, was it? His heart stepped up the pace and his breathing came a little quicker. He clenched his hands as they began to sweat. If he could just get Hinata to look at him.
Natsu stepped away and turned back to the backroom after she’d gotten what she’d come for, and Hinata stayed frozen in his spot, even the tips of his ears red as he still refused to look at Ushijima. He was beginning to feel exasperation bubble up again, but he tamped it down, raised his hand and smacked the back of it against the countertop, letting it fall open, desperate to get Hinata’s attention.
A mess of orange curls jerked and big brown eyes looked up first at Ushijima’s hand, watching it as it raised up and turned, watching in disbelief as Ushijima very slowly, unskillfully signed out, “Hello, Hinata.”
Ushijima had never felt the impact of a pair of eyes on him as much as he felt it when Hinata’s whole face snapped up to take in his. Disbelief made his pupils go wide and his mouth slack. Ushijima stared at him, tried to wrack his brain for what else Semi had taught him.
“Jacket,” he spelled slowly, then, “Nice.”
Hinata’s cheeks blushed red as his tiny hands gripped at the white of the jacket. Ushijima almost wished he had his on today, but it needed to be washed, so he’d worn a regular black jersey.
He watched Hinata’s hands tug at the jacket, pull away like he wanted to say something, but then cling back to the jacket like it was his only life support. And suddenly he sank in a squat down to the floor. Ushijima stared in concern now at the back wall of the conbini, unsure of what to do. Slowly, he leaned over the counter, found Hinata huddled down with his hands over his head. He slowly stood back up straight, wondering what he was supposed to do now. He hated that he couldn’t just call Hinata’s name, that he didn’t know how to communicate well.
Slowly he walked around the counter, pretty sure he was breaking some kind of rule even as he settled down to his knees in front of Hinata. He grabbed a small wrist and tugged at it, maybe a little too harshly, but Hinata’s behavior was eating him up alive with frustration. A brown eye peered at him from the opening he’d created, and he spelled out again, “Hinata.”
Hinata shook his head of orange, and Ushijima groaned out loud, his sanity raw at the edges and wearing thinner. He reached forward and grabbed under two armpits, hauled Hinata up to standing. Two brown eyes popped into view, Hinata staring at him like maybe Ushijima had lost his mind, like he was scared.
With his very limited vocabulary, Ushijima signed the only thing he could.
“Hinata, nice.”
Small arms dropped weightless to Hinata’s side, and the expression he had on his face when he looked up at Ushijima broke the tall man. Hinata’s tiny hands lifted weakly and he slowly signed something back, something Ushijima didn’t know.
“What-“ but Hinata couldn’t hear him, eyes cast down in some kind of penance. Over and over, Hinata signed the same thing. Ushijima was so caught up in it, in the frustration of not knowing, that he didn’t hear the door open behind him, didn’t notice Natsu come to a stop behind him.
“He’s saying sorry,” she said, and Ushijima whipped his head around in surprise. She wasn’t looking at him, though, she was watching her brother with sad eyes.
“Why-“ Ushijima choked out, but that not’s what he wanted to ask. “How- how do I say that it’s okay? Please-“
Brown eyes drifted to his face and Natsu smiled softly, raising her hands and showing him what to sign. He jerked back to Hinata, who still was staring at the ground and signing, “Sorry.” He grabbed at Hinata’s thin wrist and pulled it up, needing Hinata to look up. A small round face snapped up at him, and Ushijima quickly signed before he forgot. “It’s okay.”
Slowly his grip on Hinata’s wrist loosened, but he didn’t pull away. Instead he ran his palm over the familiar fabric of the Shiratorizawa track jacket.
“Nice,” he signed one last time. “Hinata, jacket, nice.”
He slowly pulled away, some kind of surprised, open look on Hinata’s face that made him smile. He laughed shortly, surprised as his stomach unraveled itself from the knots it had tied itself into. He hadn’t even noticed it happen, hadn’t noticed how his heart was racing, how relieved he felt now. He dug out some money from his pocket and dropped it into Hinata’s hand, taking his drink as he turned.
“Thank you,” he whispered to Natsu, slipping silently past her and out the door. He broke out into a run the instant the door shut behind him and he didn’t look back, his drink grasped tight in his hand.
His hands were shaking, even after he got home and up to his room. He set the drink down and sat down heavily on his bed, staring with wide eyes at his trembling hands.
“What the heck?” he whispered to himself in shock.
x
Satori was on his bullshit again, but Ushijima somehow didn’t seem to mind as much. He let the redhead run after him and taunt him with the cute little conbini boy. He bit back a grin as he played with the folded edges of a flyer in his pocket. It was only a few days now until their qualifier games for Interhigh. He’d tried so hard to make time every day this week to stop by the conbini, and Hinata had been slowly warming up to him again, though he was still fairly quiet. But he wore the Shiratorizawa jacket everyday, and Ushijima was kind of starting to love how cute it looked on Hinata. He’d even gone so far as to imagine what his big jacket would look like on Hinata’s tiny frame, but he’d quickly banished that thought for fear of it stirring up other... things.
Ushijima turned as they approached the conbini, ready to tell Satori to stay outside, but all he saw was a flash of red, white, and maroon as the other darted past him. All he felt was the wind in Satori’s wake and the ringing of the bell. He groaned aloud, fidgeting with the flyer in his pocket. He didn’t want to give it to Hinata when Satori was there. He pulled his hand from his pocket, empty, and wandered inside. Wide brown eyes darted over to him the instant the door opened, a frown transforming to a wide smile, tampering down to shyness after a few moments. Ushijima took his time picking out a drink, but by the time he went back to the front, Satori was still there, loitering around. Hinata looked physically uncomfortable, and the hairs on Ushijima’s arms raised as the desire to growl at Satori and reclaim his territory rose up in him. Instead he barked, “What are you doing to Hinata?”
Satori crooned at Ushijima, giggled as he tossed a wink to Hinata. “Nothing~” he said in a syrupy voice. “Right, Hinata?”
Hinata didn’t respond, just stared with wide eyes and a little bit of fear at Satori, who pretended to be wounded by it.
“Did you pay for your stuff?” Ushijima asked, annoyed and showing it.
Satori waved his bag of chips in the air and grinned. “Yes, sir!”
“Then stop torturing Hinata.”
“But if you two are going to be dating soon, I should-“
Satori never got to finish. Ushijima physically hauled him to the front door of the conbini and shoved him outside. He walked back to Hinata, the other red and confused and unable to look at Ushijima. He cast a look over his shoulder, making sure the coast was clear, and then back to Hinata. He tapped at the counter, in view of Hinata. When liquid brown eyes slid up to his chest, he signed, “Sorry.” He’d learned that one from Hinata himself.
The confusion dissipated on Hinata’s face. He glanced around Ushijima, also checking if the coast was clear. Hinata seemed to have a very small safety bubble when it came to signing, scared to let too many know about his deafness. What Hinata found a flaw, Ushijima had slowly come to find endearing. He didn’t know how to sign that yet, though, so he tucked it away for later.
When Hinata seemed to decide the was coast clear, he turned up to Ushijima and grinned shyly. “It’s okay,” he signed. He rang up Ushijima’s drink, and Ushijima dug in his pocket for his wallet. His fingers tapped at the flyer, but he didn’t want to risk Satori running in at any moment, so he kept it hidden. Maybe tomorrow...
He paid and signed a goodbye to Hinata, who looked a little forlorn to watch him leave. It tore at Ushijima’s heart. He stepped outside, sobered, ready for the backlash Satori was going to give him, but the other was busy with his chips, only sparing a grin at Ushijima. They parted fairly quietly, and Ushijima made his way home.
Unfortunately, his “tomorrow” proved to not go as planned either, and neither did the next day. He was waiting for some kind of perfect moment with Hinata, but someone was always interrupting, and now the first game was starting the next day. Ushijima tapped impatiently at his desk all day, and Semi frowned when Ushijima pressesd him all lunch for more signs, teach him more.
By the end of the day, Ushijima was annoyed with everyone and everyone was annoyed with him. He only had to get through one last practice. Today had to be perfect.
x
Ushijima stared down in very obvious discontent as Satori and Semi tagged along behind him. Semi stayed a good distance away, but Satori had zero self-preservation, as he danced within arm’s reach around Ushijima. It was made worse when he glanced inside the conbini through the window and saw that it was Natsu, not Hinata manning the counter. He waved Satori off as he sat wearily down on the bench outside. He wasn’t in the mood for a snack or drink, so he sent Satori in alone. Semi quietly sat down beside Ushijima, and he let the other be.
“Has it been going well with the conbini boy?” Semi asked, his voice quiet. He kept his eyes turned down, playing a game on his phone. While Ushijima would have never answered a question like that from Satori, he found himself leaning back with a sigh as he answered Semi.
“I think so. I don’t know... It’s hard to tell. What does going well even look like...” He muttered to himself, wondering what he wanted from Hinata. He wasn’t even sure himself how he felt about the boy. Friends would be good, but Ushijima thought that they were still just acquaintances at this point. When would he know they were friends? How would he know how Hinata felt with his limited vocabulary?
Semi just nodded, nothing else to add. Ushijima appreciated Semi’s silence most of the time, but the man had to be a wealth of knowledge, and sometimes it seemed like he was just not willing to share, rather watching people suffer as they figured it out themselves. Semi was definitely an S. Ushijima frowned down at his head of silver.
“How do you even know sign language anyways?”
Semi hummed, giving a moment of silence as he finished up a level. “One of my cousins is deaf. I spent a whole summer with them when I was younger, and it just kind of stuck with me.”
Ushijima hummed, thinking how handy that was. “Thanks,” he muffled into his jacket collar. If Semi heard, he didn’t acknowledge, which was just fine with Ushijima. He turned away and stared at the door to the conbini. Tomorrow was their first game. He wasn’t nervous about the game; it was everything else that was giving him anxiety. He fingered again at the flyer in his pocket.
How could he...
x
The night was cool, and Ushijima huddled in his volleyball jacket for warmth. He should have brought something thicker, but he hadn’t been concerned about the cold when he’d gone out, sneaking out the front door while his parents watched TV. It wasn’t that late, but they still wouldn’t appreciate him being out after 10. He walked briskly, making good time.
Cicadas hummed in the trees around him, and Ushijima’s legs were starting to go numb from how he was leaning on them. He shifted and stared up at the dimly lit sign above him, wondering if he’d made a mistake. This was his last chance; he couldn’t even explain why he wanted Hinata to so badly come to his games. He’d never cared before, but with Hinata, everything was different. It wasn’t even because of anything Natsu had said. He just wanted to see Hinata’s face when he watched Ushijima play. He wanted Hinata to see how good he was. He wanted to feel like Hinata was really, really proud of him, impressed.
So maybe it was just because of his pride; he stuck with that explanation, despite the fact that he knew it wasn’t just about his pride, because then it wouldn’t matter who came. No, it was something special about Hinata, but if Ushijima couldn’t even figure out if they were friends or not, he didn’t want to begin to dwell on his true desires and making them come true, because god knows if he’d know how to achieve them. He just... enjoyed Hinata. It could be so simple, couldn’t it? It was harder to convince himself of that when he was alone with his thoughts, only the cicadas singing breaking the silence around him.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he nearly missed the soft footsteps, missed the little face that lit up in wild surprise. Ushijima looked up and found Hinata standing stock still, his eyes glimmering in the darkness. It took him a few seconds to process Ushijima sitting on the bench in front of the conbini, but slowly his body started to vibrate with happiness.
“Ushi!” he signed, and it was funny how Ushijima didn’t care at all when Hinata called him that.
Ushijima meekly raised his hand and waved at Hinata. The other had taken one step in excitement, but when he saw Ushijima’s response, he slowed his steps, approaching cautiously.
“I didn’t see you today,” Hinata signed, Ushijima trying his best to keep up.
“Sorry,” Ushijima signed, not sure what else he could say.
Hinata waved off his apology, finally coming to a stop a few steps from Ushijima. The other slowly sat up, spine going straight as he looked Hinata over. He looked tired; he was dragging a trash bag behind himself. When Ushijima patted at the seat next to him on the bench, Hinata left the bag on the ground, timidly walking to the bench and shuffling into the empty space. The bench was small, and it was good that Hinata was tiny, because Ushijima couldn’t leave much room for him. Their thighs pressed together, and Ushijima stared at the top of a full head of orange swirls. He blinked in shock when Hinata’s head tilted up and back, beautiful brown eyes staring up at him in patient anticipation. Ushijima was caught for a moment in how close they were. He had never been so close to Hinata before; he could feel the heat from his small body, could feel his own heart speeding up. He shut his eyes and had to remind himself that they were barely even friends.
He dug out the flyer from his jacket pocket, handing it over to Hinata, whose hair bounced as his head swiveled back down, and Ushijima wanted to feel that hair or smell it or something... He clenched his fist against his jeans.
Paper crinkled as Hinata cautiously opened the flyer, his large eyes scanning over the small thing. When he looked back at Ushijima, the taller waved his hands as he tried to remember the signs.
“We’re playing... there.”
Hinata’s whole face lit up so beautifully. He signed something in a flurry, something Ushijima didn’t know, but he understood the wide smile on Hinata’s face.
“You... come.”
Hinata’s hands stilled instantly, staring in disbelief at Ushijima’s hands as he repeated it.
“Hinata, you come.”
Hinata’s head of orange shook even as he looked up at Ushijima with wide, hopeful eyes. His lips formed soundlessly around a noise, but his hands lay lax on his lap, the flyer laid over his slim legs.
“Please,” signed Ushijima. Something was rising in his gut, a kind of desperation. He had never considered that Hinata wouldn’t want to come. He had selfishly assumed, of course Hinata would want to see him play... He wanted Hinata to see him play...
He racked his brain for the signs. Semi had taught him this, hadn’t he? “I want... you,” he signed shakily. Hinata’s eyes went wide. “Come. Please.”
His small hands shook on his lap, signing out quietly like he was talking to himself. Finally big brown eyes looked up at Ushijima and he raised his hands a little, signed, “Can I?”
“Yes,” Ushijima signed enthusiastically as a thrill shot through his heart. “Please!”
Hinata bit at his lip and looked away, a foreign frustration in his face, his eyes shutting. What was it that he was worried about? With his own overwhelming emotions frustrating him, Ushijima reached out and grabbed one of Hinata’s hands, took it. With tiny fingers, he manipulated them into signing, “Yes.”
Hinata looked up at Ushijima. He slowly pulled his hand back, curling his other around it, but he didn’t break eye contact with Ushijima. He bit instead at his lip in frustration. Ushijima knew that look; it was the one he made inwardly when he didn’t know enough to communicate. Hinata had the opposite problem; he didn’t know if Ushijima would understand.
Ushijima jerked, fishing his phone out of his pocket as Hinata jumped, a little scared. Ushijima unlocked it hurriedly and opened his notes app, starting a fresh one. He practically tossed his phone at Hinata, who stared at it in his hands. Ushijima tapped at the screen when Hinata didn’t move.
I don’t know what to say Hinata typed slowly. He looked up at Ushijima with eyes that were slowly going a little wet, biting again at his lip. Ushijima’s heart was racing in his chest, and he was thinking of stupid things he wanted to do. He clenched his fists to keep from reaching out, for a hug, to comb that hair, to kiss-
Ushijima grabbed the phone lest he do something really stupid, and he typed out, Hinata, I really want you to come to the games. I want you to see me play. I know you love volleyball.
He handed the phone back, followed Hinata’s darting eyes as he read. Hinata didn’t look up for a long while, fingers just hovering over the screen.
I’m scared.
Ushijima stared at the black letters on his white screen until they blurred. Hinata still hadn’t looked back up.
I get excited, when I’m around you, and volleyball makes me so happy, and I make these noises and I can’t- Hinata’s fingers faltered, and Ushijima stared wide at the teardrop that sat heavy on his phone screen now, bubbling the word “scared”. I can’t hear myself, so it’s weird, and loud. Everyone stares at me.
Hinata turned his face up now, grinning wide even as another tear streamed down his face. He picked up the flyer and pressed both it and the phone back into Ushijima’s hands, but Ushijima wasn’t done. He grabbed Hinata’s shoulder, signed, “Stay,” hurriedly. He grabbed his phone and typed like a madman.
Everyone is loud at the games, and you’re allowed to be excited, everyone is. I want you to come watch the game, because you love it. I want you to experience things you love. And I want you to watch me play. I’m good. I want you to see how good I am. He groaned and backspaced the three sentences, but Hinata was crowding over his screen now, reading upside down. Ushijima couldn’t see, and his hand faltered on the backspace button.
Your noises are cute. he typed blindly. Hinata’s head jerked up a little, orange hair tickling Ushijima’s nose. He could just lean forward a little and smell Hinata if he wanted to, but Hinata pulled away before he could make that mistake.
Hinata jerked his face away, his hands raising as he shook his head, but Ushijima could see the way his ears burned red. He locked his screen and put his phone away, sliding the flyer back into Hinata’s lap. Hinata’s face turned down to stare at it, and Ushijima realized with a start that there were more tears. He clenched his hands; was he making Hinata do something really hard? Was he being too forceful? But he’d thought about it so long and so much, about Hinata being there, that he couldn’t just let it go like this. He... needed Hinata to come.
Hinata tried unsuccessfully to sneakily wipe away his tears, turning his face back up to Ushijima, who watched him with worried eyes, lips pressed thin together. Ushijima turned his eyes away, not sure if he was doing the right thing after all, Hinata’s tear-streaked face too heart breaking to look at right now.
A warm hand pressed against his cheek and Ushijima shivered. Slowly he turned his face up, wanting to nuzzle into that tiny hand, but it slipped away once their eyes met.
“Okay,” signed Hinata. “I’ll come.”
Ushijima’s heart leaped out of his chest, and he choked out a sound of disbelief. “Okay?” he signed furiously, enough for Hinata to break into a smile and laugh. Ushijima had never heard him laugh before; it froze him.
“Thank you,” signed Hinata with a big grin, and Ushijima thought it wasn’t Hinata who should be thanking him.
Ushijima grabbed at Hinata’s hands, maybe to say just that, but something took over him the moment their skin touched, and he wanted more. He pulled Hinata forcefully against his chest, hugged him tight against himself. He didn’t want to let go; two seconds in and he was already addicted to how Hinata’s small body felt against his own. Hinata’s warm breath coasted over his neck. Tiny hands slowly pressed to his shoulders, shaking a little. Ushijima’s hand stuttered a little down Hinata’s back; he’d meant to rub his back, to soothe, but his hand got stuck as he wondered if it was too intimate. Even now, he wanted to kiss Hinata, to take him home. It startled him; for someone as stupid about love as Ushijima, his feelings seemed to come out of nowhere, blindingly fast and overwhelming. He couldn’t even see that he’d been slowly falling in love with Hinata from the very beginning.
Hinata’s hands tightened for a moment on his shoulders and Ushijima jerked back, reading it as Hinata trying to pull away. He barely saw the way Hinata’s face was beet red and his eyes wet again as he stood up and whirled around.
“See you tomorrow,” he signed over his shoulder as he ran away, so damn embarrassed for the first time in his whole life; he’d never cared about anyone else’s opinion before to feel that way. But Hinata... Hinata made him so conscious of everything. His arms and chest tingled from where Hinata’s heat had soaked into him. He clenched his fist; he’d play so amazingly tomorrow.
And he would behave.
x
“Your boyfriend is here,” whispered Satori in excited tones as he stood next to Ushijima, waiting for their turns to hit the ball across the court for their warm-ups. Ushijima wasn’t even sure how Satori had spotted him in the crowd that had already gathered, but he was afraid to look. He could still remember clearly how Hinata had felt in his arms, and he’d fallen asleep dreaming of holding Hinata forever.
He felt guilty enough about it to avert his eyes from the crowds above them. He focused on the game. Across the court came calls and grunts, echoing Shiratorizawa’s own. Their blue and white uniforms made them nearly blend into the gym around them, and Ushijima found nothing interesting in them to hold his attention. He’d never cared much; there was only one person who could really stir him up, and that was Oikawa from Aoba Johsai. If they won this game, which they would, they would play Oikawa’s team next. His mouth literally watered with anticipation. No, they had three days of games ahead of them; he wouldn’t look up at the bleachers now.
He kept his eyes on the prize, and the prize came to him easily. The other team seemed to falter and flounder at every step. The roar with the final successful point scored for Shiratorizawa was met with unrivaled cheering and applause. Ushijima couldn’t help his smug smile, though it had never been a question in his mind if he’d win.
Satori slapped him across the back and everyone congratulated each other on a good game. Ushijima drank silently from his water bottle, his eyes roaming without much thought. The bleachers were emptying, but he thought he saw a flash of bright orange before it ducked out of sight. He turned his eyes back down forcibly and looked over the court before him.
All that mattered to him, with the excitement of a won match boiling in his blood, was winning. He could convince himself that his feelings for Hinata were nul compared to his team’s victories.
x
Oikawa stared at Ushijima through the net, eyes so fierce they could scare a yokai. Ushijima just smirked back at the brunet, reveling in the fact that Oikawa thought he even had a chance.
“Today’s the day, Ushiwaka,” threatened Oikawa, and Ushijima just stared him dead in the eyes, laughing on the inside though his face didn’t show it. “I hope you’re ready to taste defeat at my team’s hand. Don’t underestimate us.”
Ushijima waved his hand and turned away from the net, catching eyes with Satori who grinned at him, making faces at Oikawa across the court. Satori was laughing hard when Ushijima joined him on the bench. Semi stood a distance off, staring at something in the crowd above them. Ushijima watched the line of his body as it seemed frozen in time. Curiosity got the better of him, and he followed where he thought Semi’s gaze was directed to.
He could barely make him out, so small was he, but just above the edge of the wall in front of the stands, two tiny hands gripped fiercely and wide brown eyes were fixated on one point. No, one person, to be more exact. Ushijima met Hinata’s eyes and he shivered. There was something in Hinata’s eyes, even from so far away, that chilled Ushijima. They stared at each other for a long time. Ushijima didn’t even notice when Semi had taken Satori’s place on the bench next to the tall ace.
“He’s never seen you like how you are when you play. Don’t you think he’s scared right now?”
Ushijima whipped his head around and blinked at Semi. “We won’t lose.”
“No, that’s not what he’s scared of. He’s scared of the you that is hyper-focused on winning.”
It took Ushijima aback, and he leaned heavily away from Semi, not daring a glance back up at Hinata. He couldn’t say anything because Semi’s words rang true with the look he’d seen in Hinata’s eyes. He hadn’t considered that Hinata would be scared of him. It sat like sour milk in his stomach, and he frowned.
“Turn back around and smile at him,” Semi suggested as he lifted his water bottle to his lips. Something wild flashed through Ushijima’s eyes, a familiar rebellion against people telling him what to do, but when he turned his gaze back up to Hinata’s scared eyes, he stiffened.
Was he really so different around Hinata as compared to now? Ushijima had always assumed he was rather the same in every aspect of his life, fierce and unrelenting, expressionless and cold. But Hinata had pulled smiles from him, tiny as they were. Hinata had made him feel a little more alive. His cheeks ached with disuse, and he was sure his smile was scarier than his normal pinched look, but Hinata’s head jerked up more into view, his lips pulling into his own shaky smile. Ushijima quickly turned away, stiff again, unsure.
He’d been a fool to think only the game mattered. As he stared over the court and to Oikawa’s team, he wondered how one small shrimp of a guy could make him quake in his sneakers. Not even the game ahead scared him as much as Hinata did. Ushijima swallowed; he didn’t want to admit it, especially not now. He pushed his emotions and feelings down, pinching his face again and focusing back to the game. Semi glanced up beside him and shook his head, the movement catching the corner of Ushijima’s eye, but he had to focus. He had to be himself, so he could win. So he could make Hinata proud of him.
That was the reward he wanted; he would make it happen, like he made everything else happen. Hinata’s fear needed to be irrelevant. He needed it to not matter.
It mattered more than it should.
Even seeing Oikawa folded over on the floor at the end, close to tears as he slammed his fist against the ground didn’t make Ushijima as happy as it usually did. He stared unseeing over the mess of carnage he and his team had created. The victory rung hollow. When he looked up at the bleachers, Hinata was gone. It tasted bitter.
x
The hall echoed around him with his teammates’ cries of victory, chants for another year at Interhigh. Ushijima trudged behind everyone, only Semi close enough to notice Ushijima’s lack of enthusiasm. Satori was up front leading the charge and cheers.
Only Ushijima noticed when Semi’s steps slowed, making him look up and over the heads of his teammates, down the hallway to their exit into the outer part of the venue. His own steps faltered and stopped. A lone figure stood waiting at the opening, bathed in fluorescent lighting. The shaking of Hinata’s hands and the wary look in his eyes wasn’t missed by Semi or Ushijima.
“Stay there,” said Semi quietly, no emotion to his tone as he walked to Hinata, brown eyes flicking to the silver-haired male. Hands moved smoothly as Semi signed things to Hinata, Ushijima feeling a heavy ball of cement sink and settle slowly in his gut as he watched the two. He felt unsettled, something he’d never felt before, and he very much disliked it. But he stood dutifully still until Semi walked away, jogging after the rest of the team without even a backwards glance at Ushijima, and now it was just him and Hinata. Brown eyes flickered up from the floor, but Ushijima was too far away to make out any emotions in them. Slowly he made his way closer, until a tiny hand raised up stopped him about ten feet away from Hinata.
Brown eyes met his own, and finally he could see Hinata clearly. Brown eyes searched his face, for what, traces of Ushijima from the game? Or of the Ushijima he knew. But all Ushijima felt was broken down and defeated. Nothing had ever been as powerful as Hinata’s hold over him. Nothing could break him down more than a trembling lip from the tiny male.
Weakly, he signed, “Sorry,” Hinata’s eyes catching and following the hand movement.
“You scared me,” signed Hinata. It broke Ushijima’s heart more than he’d ever care to admit, his whole life suddenly precariously in the balance just because of this tiny pipsqueak. He’d never cared about anything before, but Hinata made him feel emotionally unbalanced in the best and worst of ways.
“Sorry,” Ushijima signed again, not sure he could offer anything better even if he knew all of Hinata’s language.
Shaking hands raised and Hinata tipped up his chin, and suddenly he was smiling even as his bottom lip shook, and he grinned at Ushijima. “You won!”
Pride so fierce roared alive in Ushijima’s veins, the pride he should have felt instantly after winning, but it took Hinata saying it now for him to be happy about it. Hinata’s whole frame shook like a leaf in the wind. Ushijima wanted to hold him; but he felt so frozen stiff, unsure for the first time in his life.
“Hinata,” he whispered, brown eyes following the movement of his lips. A small, shaky hand raised, and Hinata beckoned him closer.
He tripped over his own feet going; he couldn’t get to Hinata fast enough. He sank to his knees as his feet seemed to be in the way of each other, and he let himself fall. He was now just a little below eye level with Hinata.
The last thing he expected were hands reaching out tentatively, and then Hinata sinking like dead weight against him chest. Ushijima grabbed the other up if only to hold him aloft. Ah, he thought dimly. This was it.
Long minutes passed, but when Hinata pulled away, all of his trepidation and fear was gone. “You won!” he signed again, the shake in his hands now equated to his excitement. “You won, you won!” Over and over, mixed with gibberish Ushijima didn’t understand. Hinata was suddenly mimicking the whole game right in front of him, shaking so badly with his bursting joy. His lips parted as he lost himself in the memory and a noise that was pure excitement, toneless as it was, rushed over Ushijima and shook the air around him. Hinata didn’t even seem aware of the fact that he was making these noises as he chirped and keened. It hit Ushijima right in his heart and gut like a volleyball to his emotions; this was what Hinata had been scared of other people hearing, this cute, absolutely adorable crooning. Ushijima’s hands shook against his thighs; he was overcome.
Above his love for volleyball, which had been his life for the past fourteen years, nearly, there had been nothing, but now there was Hinata, shining bright and dazzling. Ushijima’s inner core quaked to hold Hinata, to listen to him forever, to kiss him breathless. “Hinata, Hinata,” he called hopelessly, his own voice drowned out by Hinata’s, which was getting louder and louder, the boy having no idea of how much noise he was making.
He was so damn endearing that it tore Ushijima completely apart. He hated now that he’d scared this wonderful being; he hated it. If anything, he wanted to protect Hinata from that, from his own self. But he could no longer live without this bright sunshine in his life. Hinata had so quickly become his whole world. Without Ushijima even realizing it, his existence had grown to something undeniable, unshakeable. Ushijima was lost in a sea of Hinata’s purity. His own self seemed crude and blemished, but god, he ached for Hinata.
Hinata was signing so fast now that his hands shook from the exertion, his knee knocking together, but Ushijima just wanted to capture his attention again, to pull Hinata back to him, lest he float away into the sky by himself. His big hands wrapped around small, trembling ones, and brown eyes flashed to him as the babble Hinata had been chirping out dropped to silence. Oh, he was beautiful.
Before Hinata could realize how animated he’d been, Ushijima surged up and met soft lips with his own. Sanity fled from him. Nothing mattered more than kissing Hinata in that moment, trying to put some kind of claim on someone so free and ethereal. He felt Hinata slipping away from him, and god, all he’d ever wanted to do was kiss Hinata. He furiously deepened the kiss, begging Hinata to not have a moment of sanity, not to pull away. Ushijima couldn’t breathe any longer lest he felt these lips against his own; he was a broken, desperate man.
He stuttered back, eyes going wide, his hands jerking away from Hinata’s. Hinata’s face was blank, and fear gripped Ushijima. He grabbed Hinata by the shoulders, ready to apologize, when brown eyes snapped up to his and a hand flew up to grip into his hair.
Something that was maybe his name cracked out of Hinata’s throat, and Ushijima felt he’d tainted a pure being. But he couldn’t leave Hinata now; now he was tied physically and emotionally to the tiny wonder. He scooped Hinata into his arms, hands closing around his slim hips as he pulled Hinata to his chest. Bright, brown eyes watched his lips as he whispered out, “Hinata, I’m so terribly sorry for this.”
But the hand in his hair tightened and this time Hinata sank his lips to Ushijima. This time Hinata took over the reigns. Oh, he tasted sweet, sweeter than the victory of beating Oikawa once again, sweeter than winning his first game. He pushed up into the kiss, claiming Hinata’s lips over and over in a shaky desperation. Hinata’s hands sunk around him as his head tilted and their kiss deepened. Ushijima had never felt as blessed as he did in this moment.
When they pulled away again, Ushijima thumbed at Hinata’s wet, bottom lip, and he whispered to himself, “Your voice is the cutest.”
Tiny hands flew to cover Hinata’s mouth as his whole face burned red. Ushijima’s eyes jerked up in shock and he realized suddenly that maybe...
“You can read lips.”
Hinata choked out a sound as tears came to his eyes. His free hand shook out a mess of signs, Ushijima unable to understand. He grabbed that hand and pulled it to his face, pressed it until cold fingers unfurled against his cheek.
“For not mentioning that to me, I have to punish you,” Ushijima said, staring up at Hinata, eyebrows knit together. Hinata shook his head, weak, but petrified. Ushijima frowned.
“Hey,” he barked, though his volume didn’t matter with Hinata.
“I love you.”
Hinata’s whole frame went still and his hand dropped away from his mouth. He went nearly limp in Ushijima’s arms. Ushijima let him carefully slide down to the floor. He’d learned this from Semi, one of the first things the other had taught him; it hadn’t seemed relevant until now. Damn that Semi.
“I,” he signed strongly, “love, you.”
He pulled one of Hinata’s hands up to his cheek again and whispered, “My dearest, my love.”
Hinata shook on the floor beneath him.
“You scare me,” he signed weakly with one hand. “I’m scared of you.”
Hinata the beauty, and he the beast. He wondered if he would get his fairytale ending. He just wanted Hinata to be his.
He tried for an awkward smile, anything to loosen his tightly knitted brow. It felt stiff on his face, and Hinata looked no less afraid. Trembling fingers raised to Ushijima’s lips, pressing over them. Hinata stared at him and waited. For what, Ushijima didn’t know, so he just kissed Hinata’s fingers.
Pretty little lips parted slowly, his other hand clutched over his throat, the only way he could tell he was making noise by the vibrations he felt as he tried.
“Ah-“ A toneless noise, with no structure to follow. “Ahh-!” Hinata croaked again, more insistent. Ushijima stared at Hinata as tears sprang to his eyes. His voice broke the next time he choked out an, “Ahh-hh!”
Ushijima tore Hinata’s hands from his lips and throat before he could watch him fall apart. He wasn’t even sure what was happening.
“I don’t care about your deafness,” Ushijima barked, Hinata’s eyes swimming over his lips. Hinata trembled hard in his arms. He wished he was more eloquent with words. “You don’t have to be anything different.”
He pulled his hands away and said the only thing he could, the best way Hinata would understand. “Hinata is perfect,” he signed. “Perfect,” he stressed again, Hinata shaking his head. “Perfect,” one more time.
“Hinata, god damnit, I love you,” he barked out, but Hinata was focused on his hands. Ushijima kept signing perfect, kept saying his stupid, unrefined words, until Hinata’s head stilled and he stared with wet eyes at Ushijima’s shaking, insistent hands. A small hand pushed at Ushijima’s chest and Hinata signed out, with shaking hands, “Ushijima, you’re perfect.”
Oh, he couldn’t take it anymore. He wrapped his arms fiercely around Hinata’s slim frame and pulled the shrimp down against him. Brown eyes slammed up to his own, but by then Ushijima was already kissing him again.
With his lack of experience showing, painfully awkward and endearingly perfect, Hinata kissed him back. He wrestled his hands up to cup Ushijima’s cheeks and he kissed him deeper and deeper, more recklessly with every breathless second that passed. Ushijima lost himself in Hinata, his eyes sliding shut. He wanted to hold Hinata in his arms forever.
Perfect, wonderful, amazing Hinata, who had turned his whole world upside down.
“I love you,” he mouthed against tiny, wet lips, now plump and red. Hinata choked out a sound, and Ushijima thought it was such a shame that Hinata would never hear how beautiful his own voice was.
Hands pressed to his throat as Ushijima whispered again, “I love you,” lips ghosting over Hinata’s before kissing him deeply again.
Hinata pulled back with glazed eyes and loose, red lips. His hands slid now to his own throat.
“Ah, hhmm, huuu,” he forced out. They weren’t actually words, but Hinata looked at him with those gorgeous brown eyes and Ushijima felt tears rise up and flood out as he understood; he got it.
He grabbed Hinata’s hands. “Say it,” he rushed out, anxiety tearing him apart.
Hinata formed three signs, matching them again to the noises he’d made before, a little different this time but the meaning the same.
“I love you.”