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“I have a question.”
The sun was shining behind Robert’s head as the man blinked at him from where he was snuggled up in bed, and Tom tried not to laugh at the sight of him like that, considering how late it was, but he couldn’t fault the man—he’d been taking a well-earned rest after Endgame.
“It’s… what time is it.” Robert mumbled, and Tom peered at his watch.
“Almost lunch.”
“Almost lunch. Huh.” The older man blinked sleep out of his eyes, and sat up slowly. “Nice to hear from you, Tom. In a time zone that’s actually reasonable.”
Tom laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as Robert yawned, stretching out languorously. “Yeah, well… premiere night soon.”
“Right, right. Far From Home! Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” Tom smiled warmly, as Robert blew him a little kiss, and he laughed. “It’s really not the same without you, boss.”
“Yeah, well, I’m dead.” Robert snickered, and Tom pouted at him. The man burst out laughing, shaking his head. “And it’s your movie. Your time to shine.”
“I guess.” Tom sighed, and Robert nodded knowingly.
“Course I know best.” The man said. “So, you said you had a question?”
“Oh, right.” Tom bit his lip. “I think… I think I’m going insane.”
“Aren’t you already, though?” Ryan said, and Jake threw his phone across the room. It landed in a laundry hamper on top of a puppy-ripped sweater with a small poff sound, but Ryan’s laughter was still ringing in his ears thanks to his Bluetooth headphones. “Jake! Holy shit, put me back!”
“Fuck off.” Jake said, but he was grinning slightly, getting up out of bed to head over to the hamper, picking up his phone to look at Ryan, making a show of pouting petulantly.
“Next thing you know you’ll be asking him if he’s just really that into you, it’s only fair.” Ryan rolled his eyes, and Jake spluttered, doing a double-take as he dropped himself into his bed. “What the—don’t tell me you’re not exclusive?”
“We’re… complicated.” Jake said with a wince, and Ryan gave him a scowl.
“That’s cliche, dude.” He replied with a shake of his head. “So can I start flirting with Spidey or—”
“Please. Don’t.” Jake said weakly, and Ryan burst out laughing again. Jake groaned, dropping his phone to his pillows beside his head as the other man cut himself off and demanded to see Jake again. “Maybe I should’ve called Maggie instead.” He mumbled, obliging Ryan as he looked at his phone again.
“Maggie doesn’t know you like I do.” Ryan replied in a sing-song voice, and Jake snorted.
“Yeah, because she knows me better.” He shot back, and Ryan spluttered.
“We were exactly like you and Tom are now during Life!” He whined, but Jake shook his head.
“We weren’t anything like Tom and I are right now.” He replied, “For starters, I didn’t need to phone Hugh or Maggie to ask stupid questions about feelings when it came to you. It was easy and simple, remember? Just friends fooling around.”
“Yeah, we weren’t even fucking.” Ryan sighed, and Jake winced. “Fine, fine. So Tom’s driving you crazy? Is he, like, pissing you off or something?”
“No.” Jake groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s… the exact opposite. Sometimes, I… uh…” He hesitated, and he shook his head. “Never mind, I can’t do this.”
“Jake, you gotta let it out.” Ryan said softly, and the other man’s expression fell. “I hit the jackpot with Blake, but that’s because I was lucky. No one has the same experience when it comes to these things.”
“Who the hell are you, my dad?” Jake mumbled, and Ryan gave him an honest grin.
“No, I’m your friend.” He replied earnestly, and Jake couldn’t help but smile. “Who you still owe a puppy-ripped and peed sweater.”
“Fuck you.” Jake chuckled, but he quickly fell quiet. Ryan was quiet, for once, patiently waiting for Jake to say something, and he sighed exasperatedly. “Sometimes, my… chest aches when I look at him.” He confessed. “Sometimes it’s hard to breathe when he smiles, or when I think about how this could be the last time we’ll ever work together, even when I know that’s kind of impossible.”
“Devil All The Time, right.” Ryan said.
“I’m just producing.” Jake replied dismissively, but Ryan shrugged.
“There’s the press junkets.” He said, and paused to think. Jake bit his lip, and when the man nodded, he lit up. “I think you’ve got lung cancer. Or asthma.”
“Ryan.” Jake drawled, and the other man snickered.
“Do you like it, though?”
“Oh, do I!” Tom sighed, dropping himself down into bed, and Robert’s laughter was comforting in his ears. Oh, he really did miss the man. “I may like it a little too much, Robert! It’s driving me crazy!”
“Yeah, I can imagine feeling like that when I was your age.” He paused, and amended. “Maybe a little younger.”
Tom smiled at the man sweetly, and Robert shrugged.
“I don’t think you need me to tell you that you like him more than a friend.” He said. “Don’t you wear your heart on your sleeve? It really should’ve been obvious to this guy that you like him a lot, unless you’ve spent so much time together that it doesn’t ma—is this Jacob? Are you into Jacob now?”
“Wh-what?” Tom spluttered, “N-no! I-I-I like Jacob, sure, but not like that!”
Robert looked at him dubiously, raising an eyebrow at him, but he shrugged.
“Yeah, okay. So who is this?” He paused for a moment. “And why did you have to call me, of all people, about it?” Robert grinned at him suddenly. “Aside from the fact that you missed me, of course.”
Tom laughed fondly, shaking his head. He took a deep breath, and nodded. “So, you know how I always gave the same answer when people asked me who I’ve always wanted to work with?” He asked, and Robert nodded. “Well… I… may be falling in love with him.”
“With who?” Robert blinked.
“Jake.” Tom admitted, and the man’s eyes widened. “Y’know, Jake—”
“Gyllenhaal?” Robert cut him off, and Tom nodded, biting his lip as he rolled out of bed, pacing around his room as nerves wracked his senses. “Huh.”
“Should I—is that a bad thing?” Tom asked. The young man stopped in his place, and began to turn, spinning in little pirouettes that was familiar and comforting. Dancing was nice—it reminded him of a simpler time, and he always had fun when he danced. Whether it was as a child doing Billy Elliot or something more modern like that time with Zendaya and Deja.
Hell, even when nothing was choreographed, just silly movements pressed up against somebody to the sound of music in the air, Jake’s hands on his hips and alcohol between their breaths as he kissed him in the corner of the dance floor—
“No, not at all. He’s a good kid when I worked with him.” Robert replied, his voice cutting through Tom’s distracted thoughts, and the brunet spluttered, coming to an abrupt stop. Robert gave him a concerned look, but Tom shook his head, giving the man an awkward little smile as he shrugged helplessly. Robert shook his head fondly, but then looked at Tom sheepishly. “But that was ages ago. He was just a little bit older than you.”
“Oh.” Tom frowned slightly, deflating as he sat down slowly on the floor.
“I’m not sure about what he’s like now.” The man said apologetically. “But you sound like you’re having a wonderful time.”
“I…” Tom smiled dreamily, “I am.”
“He’s… the best thing that’s happened to me so far.” Jake confessed, and Ryan hummed thoughtfully. “I just… it’s just so strange, you know?”
“Doctor Strange?”
“Focus, Ryan.”
“Sorry, sorry, jeez. Well. I mean, it sure is something, honestly.” Ryan said. “Frankly, I didn’t peg for you to be running into trouble with stuff like this. You’ve dated around before, why is dating Tom any different?”
“It’s a whole world’s difference, he’s—he’s different!” Jake didn’t mean to raise his voice, but Ryan’s face told him everything. The other man blinked at him in surprise, and he deflated in on himself, sighing deeply as he burrowed into his bed again. “Sorry.” He mumbled.
“‘S okay, dude.”
Jake made a move to say something, and Ryan looked at him expectantly. Instead, he shook his head, sinking back down into bed. Ryan coughed not-too-delicately, practically hacking up a lung, and that finally brought a smile to Jake’s face.
“C’mon, buddy. Talk to me.”
“Ryan… I think I like him.” He confessed. “Like, really really like him.”
“Well, I can’t say for sure if he does like you back, but from the sound of things, it sure seems that way.” Robert hummed.
“I just—” Tom stammered, “He insisted we should just be friends with benefits! And besides, what reason would Jake have to like me back?”
“Hey now, we’ve talked about this.” Robert said sternly, and Tom deflated, pouting at the man as Robert cleared his throat. “Listen, it’s only fair. You’re an amazing actor, Tom. An even greater human being. I’m telling you, there’s gotta be some butterflies somewhere. That’s gotta be enough.”
“It’s not.” Tom said quietly. “It’s… I’m pretty sure at this point Jake knows that I’m in love with him, so it’s not enough.”
Like Robert said, it was only fair.
“I just—I just… I want it to be mutual. I wish it was mutual.” Tom sighed, burying his face in his hands. “It’s not like I can go up to him and ask—”
“Oh, Tom, would you be so kind as to fall in love with me?” Jake threw his hands up in the air. “Who even asks that, it’s—it’s so weird!”
“What else do you want me to suggest, then?” Ryan crossed his arms. “Also, you said the L-word. Gotcha.”
“Fuck.” Jake groaned, running his hand down his face. “God, now that I’ve said that I'll actually believe it. I’m going to ruin this. Oh, god. Ryan, I’m gonna chase Tom away.”
“You said you think he likes you too.” Ryan frowned. “I mean, you’ll never know if he’s right over in the next room, going—”
“Please, do me a favour and feel the same way I do?” Tom mumbled. “Can your heart just like—I dunno—do freaking flips just like I do—Robert, it’s so frustrating!”
“Yeah, I bet.” The man grinned at him, and Tom let out an exasperated sigh, dropping his face into his pillows. “Well, Tom, if there’s one thing I can offer you in this trying time, it’s this. No, you’re not going crazy. I think it’s perfectly normal for you to be falling in love with your friend.”
“Friend with benefits.” Tom grumbled.
“Friend, regardless.” Robert said. “Jake seems to be a good influence on you, and you seem happy to be with him. That’s good enough, don’t you think?”
Tom looked at the man with pleading eyes, and Robert laughed, shaking his head.
“Listen, you can’t fake out of this anymore. You’re in too deep.” He explained gently. “If nothing changes, then nothing will really change.” Robert chuckled softly to himself. “This is gonna sound weird, but if you think hard on it, it will make sense. You’ll still be frustrated and scared and worried. If you do something, whatever happens will happen.”
The younger man looked down at his hands, clenching them nervously.
“You could either end this alone, or you could find the most wonderful thing you’ve ever had in your life.” Robert shrugged. “The choice is yours.” He looked out beyond his phone, and smiled. “I’d better get going. It’s nice talking to you again.”
“Nice to see you again too.” Tom smiled. “Thanks, Robert. I’ll think about it.”
“Keep me posted.” The man gave him a wink, and blew him a kiss again. “Lots of love.”
“Bye-bye.” Tom nodded, and Robert hung up. The brunet sighed, lying back in bed as he held his phone close to his chest, staring up at the ceiling.
“If I do something, whatever happens will happen.” He murmured. Tom’s expression hardened, and he nodded to himself. “Whatever happens will happen.”
Let it be said that Tom was as competitive as he was tenacious.
“It’s only fair, Jake.” He said, letting a wide, goofy smile cross his face as he lifted his phone, unlocking it to see his, Zendaya and Jacob’s group chat open, the last message a photo Zendaya took of Jake looking at Tom with a look of utmost soft fondness on his face. A wide, goofy grin spread across his face as he held his phone close to his heart again, sighing.
“It’s only fair.”
“I don’t want to get my hopes up, Ryan.” Jake sighed, running his hand through his hair. “What if I messed this up, too? Like all the other relationships I’ve had in the past?”
“Don’t you think you’ve already learned by now?” Ryan asked, and the man looked at him witheringly. “The learning curve is different for everyone. I get it.” He gave Jake a wide grin. “But knowing you, who started out as his friend, I’m pretty sure by now Tom would know the parts of you that other people had already given up on.”
That made Jake stop, and he blinked at his screen as Ryan continued.
“In fact, I think he likes you because of those parts.” He said. “He idolises you and loves you all the more now despite it. Don’t you think you stand a chance?”
“I never said I don’t.” Jake shook his head. “I’m going to ruin him.”
“As if he’s not already ruined by you and your hot bod.” Ryan drawled, and Jake scoffed at him. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. If he finds you utterly hilarious despite all your weird shit, hell, because of your weird shit, I think you’re all set, Jake. Unless there’s some bullshit reason as to why you’re repressing yourself?”
“I…” The man took a tired breath. “I said we’d be just friends with benefits.”
Ryan gave him a dubious look, and Jake flushed. “Not my proudest moment.” He tacked on, and he ran his hand through his hair as Ryan sighed exasperatedly.
“Then break it off and make it serious.”
“Like it’s that easy!”
“But it is!” Ryan pressed, “It really is!” He jabbed his finger at his camera, as if to point at Jake. “And if you keep insisting this weird standard you’ve got going for you, nothing is gonna happen between you two, and Tom will be the one that got away from you.” He paused for a moment to let his words sink into Jake. “And then you really should blame yourself for letting such a good relationship just go.”
“Maybe I should.” Jake frowned, and Ryan threw his hands up in the air.
“I love you, Gyllenhaal, but god damn if you aren’t frustrating.” He huffed. “Whatever you say, I’m still looking out for you and Tom, okay? I don’t want this to end just like that.”
You're not the only one, pal. Jake almost wanted to say. Instead, he fell quiet, looking forlornly at his lap, and Ryan shook his head.
“Gotta go. Promised the kids I’d take them out today.”
“Yeah, have fun.” Jake nodded. “Tell them I said hi.”
“Yeah. Hear from you again soon, Jake.”
“Bye, Ryan.” Jake hung up, and lay back in bed. He shut his eyes, and Tom’s smile reflected in the darkness of his mind. His heart shot to his throat, his breaths felt tight, and he choked back an incredulous bark of alarm as he forced his eyes back open, panting softly.
Ryan’s words echoed in his head.
I’m pretty sure by now Tom would know the parts of you that other people had already given up on.
He thought back to every single time he and Tom were together. On set, on press junkets, alone in secret little meetings behind locked hotel room doors or cramped little bathroom stalls.
Tom laughed and played along with him the first time they met, feeding each other watermelon while they waited for their first scene together to get set up.
Tom always smiled at him when they were off-set, always looked for him first in a crowd and spotting him first without fail.
Tom looked at him like he hung up the sun, the stars and the moon just for him, and the thought of it made Jake’s throat feel tight. His lungs were in pain, they were aching from something—
And he kind of liked it. Like, really, really liked it.
Ryan was right.
“Fuck,” he swore, running his hand down his face. “I love him.”
Saying it with the conviction he’d lacked since the beginning felt… liberating. It was terrifying—it wasn’t like before, with Reese, or Taylor, the other people he’d had relationships with. It was totally new, and he hated the fact that maybe, just fucking maybe, the romcoms were right, and this is how it felt.
“I love him.” Jake said, hand in his hair. “I love Tom Holland. Holy fuck.”
He laughed incredulously, and rolled over to bury his face in his pillows.
“I love him so goddamn much.” He breathed, and winced as he clutched at his pillows, hard. “And that’s exactly why he can’t find out.”
His phone buzzed, and he almost jumped out of his skin, screaming in alarm as he threw his phone aside. Jake stopped when he realised that it was just a text, and he picked it up again gingerly, groaning to see the name of the one person he probably shouldn’t be seeing right now.
Tom: hey so wanna grab some lunch before press?
Jake looked at the text incredulously, and he knew he shouldn’t say yes.
“Don’t say yes, don’t say yes, don’t say yes...” He muttered, typing exactly that, because maybe it was Jake that was the self-destructive fool, and not Tom, as he’d claimed a few times before.
Me: sure. got anything on your mind?
Jake wanted to hit himself.
Tom: eh let’s just roll with it. see you in 5!
He sighed, and dropped back down into his pillows.
“Fuck me, I guess.” He mumbled, but he was smiling as he got back up to get himself dressed.
He was an Academy Award-nominated actor. He could probably act his way through this one, keep it sterile, but cute enough to keep Tom from noticing.
So that was a failure, he thought, much later, sitting up as he watched Tom sleep next to him, naked as ever, so happy and content that Jake couldn’t bear to see him like this.
Well, there was always a next time.