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Everything he has been told about the big city turns out to be a lie.
Jisung grew up with stories of how Seoul was the place to be if you wanted your dreams to come true. About all the opportunities the city had, with its prestigious universities and its famous entertainment agencies.
When he was ten years old, a kid who lived in his street, only sixteen at the time, made it into a big company through an audition. The aunties wouldn’t stop talking about it, the kid’s mom bragging about how they were now set for life.
It was then that Jisung and his childhood friend vowed to go there one day and make their dreams come true.
Reality is like a slap to the face.
Right now, Jisung is living in a shitty tiny apartment on the outskirts of Seoul, juggling its rent with the fees he has to pay for the studio he rents every day. Auditions are horrible, most companies already refusing him at the door when they see his face and attitude, his anxiety often mistaken for rudeness. And even if he gets past the door, they bash his dancing skills before he can even show them his voice.
Meanwhile, his best friend is still stuck in the small town they grew up in.
4.16pm
Jiwoo: how was the audition today???
Jisung: almost got in! maybe next time!
Jisung: but it’s okay!! i’m working hard so don’t worry!!
Jiwoo: i’ll join u soon! better watch out or i’ll surpass u! 💪😇
Jisung: not if i make it big first!
He manages to fake some form of positivity through texts, finding any excuse to dodge her calls because he knows she’ll realize how he’s actually doing once she hears his voice.
So he just does what he does best. He grinds.
Every day he works his job at the carwash, polishing all the fancy rides as he gets cussed at by rich businessmen telling him not to ruin the paint job. And when he finally finishes, he makes his way to his safe space, his studio, to work on his music into the dead of night. Usually it’s while he’s there that he orders some takeout to finally eat, but the money his mom gave him to help him out is running out fast, and he’s too embarrassed to ask for more. He told her he’s doing alright, after all.
So that’s why, on one humid summer night, he pockets the little change he has left, and takes a detour on his way home from the studio at 3am to visit the only convenience store in his neighborhood that’s open at that hour.
The clerk looks extremely bored when he enters the store, mumbling a ‘good evening’ while not even looking up from his phone. Jisung doesn’t mind, because he very much relates.
He finds a nice sandwich, a roll of his favorite kimbap, and when he counts his change, he’s happy to find that he can also afford a Twix for dessert.
It’s weird how small things like that can brighten his mood nowadays.
However, it turns out when the store attendant rings him up, that he made a mistake and doesn’t have enough money for the food after all. He chews on his bottom lip while trying to decide which item he should leave out. His stomach growls loudly at the mere thought of it.
The employee watches him, his frown curious, not annoyed, and then he takes his scanner to bleep a sticker that’s stuck next to the register. “Ah! I completely forgot we have a 10% discount tonight.” The guy takes the coins from Jisung’s hands and even leaves some there as change. “Have a nice evening!” he says with a polite smile, and Jisung feels his cheeks heat up.
He rushes out of the store with his food tucked under his arm and speedwalks home, all the while trying to figure out if the store attendant did that on purpose, and how he’s supposed to feel about it. He knows he should be embarrassed, but he can’t help but feel a little happy that someone is finally looking out for him.
So that’s why, a week later after he’s burned through most of his paycheck, he finds himself at the convenience store again at 3am.
This time when he walks in, the clerk does look up from his phone to greet him.
He takes extra care counting his coins, counts them twice, and figures that all he can afford is a small egg sandwich. But it’s okay, because it’s better than nothing.
“Is that all?” the employee asks when he scans his sandwich, eyebrows raised.
“Yeah,” Jisung replies indifferently, rubbing at his tired eyes.
“Are you sure? These are 50% off tonight,” the other says, pointing at some chocolate bars that clearly don’t have a 50% off sticker on them.
Jisung does the math in his head, but even with the discount he would be 100 won short, so he just tells the guy that he’s sure.
Normally, he would go straight home, but his legs are shaking so he decides to take a seat at the lunch bar in the store hoping to get some energy from his food. As expected, it doesn’t do much for him, so he just sits on the stool, playing with the empty package as he swings his legs to bring some life back into them.
He checks his phone and there’s a text from his mom, and multiple texts from Jiwoo. All of them are cute memes that are supposed to cheer him on for the audition he failed earlier today. For once, he doesn’t want to reply.
The worst thing about this city isn’t the mean people, or his dreams being crushed daily, or even the fact that he has to live on scraps and cheap sandwiches. It’s the fact that he’s so fucking lonely.
He doesn’t get along with anyone at his job, and the people he meets at auditions just see him as competition. He’s tried to go out and meet people, but shit sucks when you can only afford one beer. Besides, he’d rather use his precious time for sleeping.
His phone buzzes again, reminding him of his unread messages, and suddenly it’s all a bit too much. So he does what he always did as a kid when he was feeling this bad. He folds his hands and asks for something good in his life. Anything, anyone, he doesn’t care, just something that can show him that good things are coming. He doesn’t even notice that he starts crying at one point.
“Is the food that bad?” a voice next to him asks, pulling him out of his thoughts.
Jisung sniffs and drags his hoodie further over his head, trying to hide his face from the store attendant. “It’s okay, I just have allergies.”
“Sure,” the other says as he pulls out the chair next to him, sitting down and unpacking a lunchbox.
Jisung quickly looks at all the other empty chairs, and wonders why the guy chose the one that is right beside him. “Don’t you have to work?”
“It’s 4am, if someone does come by I’ll be with them in a second.” The guy takes some of the kimbap slices from his lunchbox and starts dropping them into Jisung’s empty sandwich container. Jisung is about to protest, but the other rudely points his chopsticks at him and says, “Shut up and eat it. I’m tired of hearing your stomach growl from the other end of the store.”
Jisung feels his eyes prick again, but he blinks hard and digs in. The food is absolutely delicious.
They sit and eat in silence for about ten minutes, the other continuously pilling bites of rice, seared meat, and even some pickled veggies onto Jisung’s makeshift plate. And he eats it all, half because he’s afraid to complain at the other, and half because he’s starving.
After that, Jisung starts coming by every night.
“You know, when I’m rich and famous, I’ll pay you back for all of this,” Jisung says with his cheeks stuffed with food.
“So you’re telling me, when you’re a millionaire, you’re gonna buy me some rice? What an honorable gift, you’re too generous,” the other teases next to him.
Jisung knows now to not take the other too serious. Over the past few weeks he’s gotten to know the guy pretty well. He lives with his mom, and together they have three cats, which he won’t shut up about, but honestly Jisung won’t complain since he loves the cute cat pics he shows him. The guy works night shifts because he has trouble sleeping, and also so he can pitch in a little extra to support his mother. When Jisung asks him about what he does during the day however, he skillfully dodges the question.
The other thing that Jisung doesn’t know yet, is his name.
Which is stupid, since it’s a simple question, but it’s been a while and now he feels awkward for asking. So he just names him ‘cat guy’ in his head and that’s that.
They get along very well, scarily so. It’s like he’s known the guy for years. He laughs at all Jisung’s weird jokes, and the jokes he makes back at him have Jisung almost falling out his seat each time. He listens to Jisung complain about his daily struggle, and never makes him feel bad for ranting. Jisung tries not to be too hopeful, but the guy is starting to feel like a true friend to him.
On a particular night, when Jisung’s whole body hurts, he almost decides to just go home and sleep for dinner. But when he passes the convenience store and sees the guy wave at him from inside, as if he was expecting him, he can’t help but go inside.
“I hope you like cheesecake,” the other says when Jisung walks in.
Jisung doesn’t know if it’s his exhaustion, or the tension in his neck from working too hard, or the fact that he can’t remember the last time he ate his favorite food, but before he knows it, his eyes are filling up with tears and all he can manage to get out is a weak ‘yes’.
The guy doesn’t comment on it, just gestures for him to sit down, and brings him three slices of prepackaged cheesecake. “They expired at midnight so I have to throw them out, but they’re still good, it won’t hurt to eat it.”
“Oh, it will hurt,” Jisung says as he unpacks the first one, “I’m lactose intolerant, but I couldn’t care less right now.”
The guy smiles at that, and it’s a smile Jisung has never seen on him before. It’s kind, and fond almost, and something more.
He ignores the fuzzy feeling in his chest and starts stuffing his cheeks.
“Hey, I gotta show you something,” the guy says when Jisung finishes eating, “but it’s a secret, so don’t tell anyone, okay?”
Jisung just nods, and follows the guy to the counter. He watches him with great attention as he fishes some salads from a hidden fridge, and starts unpacking them. The guy tosses out the lettuce and only takes out the tuna, loading it all into an empty container. Jisung’s nose stings at the smell and he frowns, wondering what the hell he’s up too.
But then the guy locks the front door and takes Jisung to the back of the shop. He presses his index finger to his lips, warning Jisung to stay quiet, and then unlocks the backdoor that leads into an alley.
Jisung’s eyes need a moment to adjust to the darkness, but soon he can see the light from inside the shop reflect into a dozen set of eyes. As soon as the eyes spot them, the cats start meowing loud and impatiently.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m here,” the guy says as he puts down the platter of tuna, “eat up, babies.”
He squats down to watch them eat, so Jisung joins him, cooing at all the cute kitties. “You do this every night?”
“I can’t help it. I just can’t resist something so cute,” the other says, the smile on his face not unlike the one Jisung saw earlier.
In that moment, Jisung almost manages up the courage to ask him his name.
Little does he know that it would be his last chance.
The next night he drops by the store again, which has become routine by now, but he’s greeted by an unfamiliar face. He reasons that his cat guy must have a free night since he couldn't possibly be working seven days a week, but then the day after and the day after that he’s also not there.
He tries not to think too much of it, he really does, but after a week of worrying he goes to the convenience store during the day, just to be sure.
When he doesn’t find the familiar face, he can’t hold back any longer and asks the old guy behind the counter.
“Oh you mean Minho? I had to fire him since he took a week off without notice,” the man says while chewing on a toothpick.
Minho.
Jisung moves his lips around the name, marveling at how right it feels.
“Can you at least give me his number?” he tries.
“Sorry kid, I can’t do that.”
Jisung is sad, of course he is, but at least now he has a name for his new friend, even though he might not ever see him again.
So he keeps on coming to the convenience store every night, but instead of eating inside the store, he buys some cans of tuna and shares his meal time with the cats in the alley.
“You guys must be starving,” he says, as he sits down to watch them munch on the tuna, while he chews on a bland sandwich. “Must’ve been a while since he’s been here,” he wonders to himself.
It becomes his new routine.
It’s bittersweet, actually. He really misses this Minho guy, but at least he’s made some new furry friends who can keep him company while he eats. One of them, a small tabby takes a liking to him, and when he sits on the alley floor while she kneads his legs, nails getting stuck in his jeans, it feels healing, relaxing.
Which is why on one night, a couple of weeks after his friend disappeared, he actually falls asleep while sitting there.
He’s woken up by the cats meowing loudly, and when he blinks his eyes to clear his vision he’s worried something bad is happening for a second.
But then he sees Minho, crouching down in front of him, putting down the grocery bags he’s carrying.
“I was so worried–” Minho starts, his eyes on Jisung, “about the cats. Thank you for taking care of them.”
Jisung finds his empty Coke can next to him and throws it at Minho. “And I was worried about you, idiot!”
Minho dodges it and laughs, eyes crinkling up in such a sweet way that Jisung can’t even be mad.
“Sorry, I had some personal business to take care of,” Minho says, sitting down next to him to watch the cats eat their second meal of the night.
Jisung’s favorite tabby eventually finds her way into his lap again, napping comfortably with her full tummy.
“This one is called Cherry,” Jisung says, running his fingers through her fur, and she purrs happily in return.
“If you give it a name you’ll grow attached.” Minho reaches over the scratch the little cat behind her ears.
With a funny feeling in his stomach, Jisung blurts out, “I’m Jisung.”
The other studies his face for a while, expression hard to decipher in the dark alley, but then he eventually replies, “I’m Minho.”
“I know,” is all Jisung can say with a confident smirk.
First it was his routine, but now it’s theirs.
They see each other almost every night, making sure the cats get fed. Minho seems to not only have the cats on his mind though, because he keeps bringing home cooked meals with him for Jisung to eat. He tells him it’s just leftovers, but Jisung knows better than that.
He’s been learning more about Minho, about the way he shows him that he cares. It’s in the way the meals look all pretty in the lunchbox, even though Minho tells him he didn’t do his best on them. And he sees more of his caring side when Minho roughly throws a jacket over Jisung’s head, telling him he’d look ugly with a runny nose if he catches a cold.
“I think they call it ‘tsundere’. The way you behave,” Jisung says while slurping on his soup, which is still hot because Minho was smart and put it in a thermos.
“Is that so?” Minho says as he lets one of the kittens play with his shoestring.
“Yeah, it means–” Jisung starts to explain, but then he sees Minho’s smirk and realizes he already knows what it means.
Jisung feels like he could keep this up forever. Having someone to talk to, joke around with, someone who sometimes lets him put his head on his shoulder when he’s really tired, it’s all beginning to affect his daily life. He feels more excited about going to the studio, because it means he gets to see Minho after. And when Minho tells him to not give up after another failed audition, it actually gives him strength.
Yeah, Jisung really feels like he could keep this up forever, but one night, the cats are gone.
Naturally, Jisung freaks the fuck out. When Minho finally shows up it takes a lot of soothing words and head pats to calm him down. Minho reasons they must have been taken by the local animal hospital, since their neuter and release program has been slowly moving through the district. Jisung just doesn’t want to leave it at that though. He needs some clarity, some sort of explanation. Because if the cats are gone, will he ever see Minho again?
They decide to meet outside of the animal hospital two days later.
It’s the first time Jisung has ever seen Minho in daylight, and it makes him seem more human. His hair is a bit messy, like he just woke up, and he looks tired, bags under his eyes. But Jisung still thinks he looks ridiculously pretty.
It turns out that the cats are indeed in the shelter part of the hospital, but are gonna be put up for adoption instead of released, since they’re not feral. The vet even thanks them for that, saying that them feeding the cats must have played a part in that.
Jisung is happy for the cats, but he feels uneasy still.
Minho seems to pick up on this quickly, and says, “You should adopt the tabby. I think she’d like to come home with you.”
“Really?” Jisung asks, and he gets so excited at the mere thought of it that he can barely do the math in his head on how he’s gonna afford it.
“Yeah, who wouldn’t?” Minho’s got that smile again, the one that Jisung has grown to like so much. “I’ll pay for the adoption fees, and I think I still have an extra litter box and scratching post in our basement. You’ll pay me back when you’re rich and famous, right?”
Jisung halfheartedly starts to protest, but Minho sees right through him. Minho would never force him into doing something he doesn’t actually want, and right now Jisung’s protests are only out of politeness. He really wants that cat.
Which is how they end up outside with the little tabby in a carrier, Jisung’s fingers shaking around the handle from excited nerves. He gets even more nervous when Minho insists on walking him home.
Luckily, Minho doesn’t comment on the size or state of his apartment. He only kicks some of the clothes on the floor to the side so he can squat down as he waits for Jisung to take the cat out of the carrier.
The cat runs out quickly, and they both laugh at her fearlessness. After a short round of exploring her environment however, she’s back to lie down in between them on the floor, begging for snacks and scratches.
“Give me your number so I can tell you when I drop off the stuff tomorrow.” Minho puts his hand on the cat’s tummy, smiling when she attacks it. “I’ll text you after my appointments.”
Jisung hums. Having Minho in his own house, in his own space, makes him feel bold, so he asks, “Are you ever gonna tell me what you do during the day, or…”
He can practically see Minho hesitate, decide, and then come back on his decision on what to say, so Jisung gives him a minute and goes back to feeding his cat some dried meat.
Eventually though, Minho seems to have made a decision, and he talks.
“Usually, I just take care of my mom during the day. She’s sick, you know?” Minho says, as he picks at his cuticles like it’s nothing.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Jisung feels like an idiot for prying.
“It’s okay.” Minho goes back to playing with the cat, avoiding Jisung’s eyes. “A while back it got worse, which was why I disappeared.” His frown deepens and Jisung can tell he’s trying to keep a straight face. “I usually don’t tell anyone, since I don’t wanna burden anyone with this, but–” he glances up at Jisung real quick, but looks away when their eyes meet.
“When it got really bad I ended up finally telling my best friend, and he actually managed to pull some strings to get her into a better hospital. So perhaps– perhaps it’s good to tell other people sometimes.” Minho nods at his own words, like he’s confirming to himself that what he just said is true.
“Thank you for telling me,” Jisung says, trying to suppress the awful feeling he has in his stomach, the one that makes him feel like a dickhead for always complaining about his life to Minho, while he might actually be in a shittier place.
“No,” Minho says, “thank you for listening.” He stands up and wipes the cat hair off his pants. “Listen, I’m only gonna say this once since I’m already word vomiting, but–” The look in Minho’s eyes is serious, and he’s finally making full eye contact with him. “I’m happy we’ve met.”
“Me too,” Jisung stands up hurriedly, “wait why does this feel like you’re saying goodbye?”
“I am, for today.” Minho reaches over to ruffle Jisung’s hair, making a complete mess out of it. “Don’t be silly. I said I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” He takes Jisung’s cheek between his fingers and pinches it hard. “You’re almost as needy as your cat,” and then, more serious, “I like that about you.”
Jisung doesn’t know what to say to this, just stands there frozen as he feels his blood rise to his cheeks, his tummy doing some crazy backflips at the way Minho smiles and at how his skin burns where he pinched him.
And with that, Minho is gone again.
But this time Jisung knows he’ll be back.