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Footsteps echo in the room.
Is it another imperial soldier trying to kill me?
Or is it another ghost coming to haunt me?
The cut in my eye stings, the bruises that cover my skin ache, the cuts that found their way through my armor burn.
I don’t want to fight again. I don’t want more blood to stain my hands, my face.
“What are you doing, Dimitri?”
“Are you giving up?”
“Weakling.”
“You’re the only one alive and you think you’re entitle to giving up?”
“Disgraceful.”
Stop.
I bring my head closer to my knees, desperately trying to drown away their voices, their cries. I’m squeezing my spear so tight I’m almost impressed it hasn’t snapped yet.
But I’m tired. I just… I want to rest. Few hours of oblivion, no nightmares, no voices, no killing, just-
“Kill them. Kill her.”
“Avenge us.”
“You owe us.”
I… I know. I will.
The footsteps come closer. I should get up.
Warmth hits me, and when I open my eye, I notice it’s the sun. It is summer, I guess. It feels quite hot, and yet I still feel as cold as the winter solstice’s night in Faerghus. It’s been that way for what, five years now?
Yes. Almost five years.
Sometimes I wonder if you were but a fleeting summer dream…
Did I ever truly hold you in my arms?
Have I ever truly seen your smile? Wiped away your tears?
…
No.
You were either a ghost or you’re dead.
Just like everyone else.
…
The footsteps falter. I suppose they’ve reached the top of the stairs, stopping to size me up, to see if I’m still alive.
Should I even bother?
“You’re not dead yet, son.”
“Get your head up.”
“You still have your revenge to chase.”
“Death won’t come until you’ve avenged us.”
“All of us.”
“Embrace the monster that you are.”
“Kill her.”
“Kill all of them.”
Shut up. I know. I know.
Gathering all remaining strength in me, I raise my head, slowly blinking to get used to the harsh sunlight that took over the room.
There’s someone here. Someone that reminds me of…
No.
No.
Not you.
It can’t be.
I refuse to accept it, and yet I know it’s futile to deny it.
It’s you.
How is it that you still look the same as you did on the day I last saw you? Same hair, same eyes, same figure. You must be a ghost. Yet another ghost coming back to haunt me, to exact revenge.
Many ghosts haunt me, but I can’t see none as I can see you. What is this? Some sort of divine punishment for failing to protect you? Is this my penance for doing nothing while you died?
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Please go away. Please.
Stop walking towards me. Stop looking at me like that.
I can’t- I can’t bear to live with you blaming me too.
Not you, Professor.
Not you, Byleth.
Not you.
The closer she gets, the further the voices in my head sound. Muffled, as if her presence is akin to that of a soft pillow smothering the ghosts in my mind.
What are you doing?
She stops right in front of me, offering me her hand.
What is this?
Why… Why would you be so cruel?
I don’t deserve to hold you. I don’t deserve to touch you. I hardly even deserve to look at you.
Is this it? Is this my punishment? Being offered the chance to be with you only to have it taken away when I reach out? Is this it?
I won’t fall for it. There are already enough ghosts hunting me. I won’t, I can’t handle you too.
“Dimitri…”
Goddess, even your voice sounds the same.
Go away. Please, go away. You can’t be real.
Why don’t you take your hand away?
I want to take it, to see if you’re real, to hold you, but I… If you’re not, I…
Enough.
“I should have known.”
My voice is raspy, throat sore for not speaking for so long, as essentially all conversations I’ve held in the past five years have been with the voices in my own head.
The sun still bathes my skin, but the only warmth I feel is coming from her hand. A shiver runs up my spine at the feeling. I must’ve forgotten what it felt to be warm. It’s… strange.
It feels good. I don’t deserve to feel good.
Looking at you is harder than staring into the sun. I can’t do it anymore. I only have one good eye left to spare. I need it. I need it to exact my revenge. I need it to watch you from the shadows if you’re so determined to stick around haunting me.
I look away, turning my head back from you.
It hurts too much.
You make me feel so exposed I almost miss the voices in my head… Almost.
“I should have known… That one day, you would be haunting me as well.”
I don’t want you here.
But it would be a lie to say you never crossed my mind.
The only one that was missing. The only one I almost wished to be haunted by.
The ghost of my beloved.