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“Doppo, calm down,” Dazai commanded as he tried to settle his rattled husband.
“How can I?” Kunikida exclaimed, dramatically stretching his arms to the stars. “It’s Atsushi’s first year of public school, and his freshman year of high school no less!”
He did have a bit of a point, considering that the two had adopted a physically and mentally abused seven-year-old Atsushi six years prior to this day. As a result of the trauma he’d suffered in addition to his lack of education as a child, the Kunikida-Dazais, also known as the Kunikidazais for short, had homeschooled him since then. To even think of letting a bird with wings that had been broken in the past flee the nest every day for seven whole hours seemed preposterous.
Besides, Doppo was more than qualified to teach his son. He had a bachelor’s degree in education, for goodness sake. He’d never actually been a teacher since he’d discovered later on that his true passion lay in private investigation with his wonderful Osamu that he couldn’t be more thankful for as his partner, but that was besides the point. He was just as good of an educator as any old one working at the schools in the area.
But of course Osamu had gotten him to agree to allowing Atsushi a life in public school, because his manner that Doppo could only describe as slimy always allowed him to win debates. Not to mention that he drove a hard bargain if he didn’t get what he wanted (for example, going out with the rest of the ADA without inviting Doppo), and oh goodness, he would make this face, this terrible magical face, that was simply impossible to say no to if he had enough evidence to prove his opinion superior. He just needed that last straw on the camel’s back.
“Come on, you already walked his classes with him and had personal conferences with all his teachers. You’ve done more than enough to assure his safety there, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Dazai soothed, massaging Kunikida’s tensed up shoulders.
The blonde shook his head, his long dirty blonde waves moving with it. “I know that, but what about his social life? He hasn’t made any friends that will be attending there, albeit any, and his tiger ability might make him get bullied.”
Dazai rolled his eyes. “We’ve gone over this. If it’s really that bad, we can just pull him back out. But honey, you said yourself that he doesn’t have any friends. This’ll be a good way to change that. Besides, the Tanizakis are going there too.” He held Kunikida’s hands. “If you really want what’s best for our son, you’ll let him go.” His eyebrows raised in a coy manner. “If you’ll do this for me, I’ll let Mr. Fukuzawa over for dinner like you’ve wanted,” he cooed in a sing-song voice.
Kunikida sighed defeatedly. “As long as we pull him out the second anything goes wrong…”
“Great! I knew you’d come to your senses!” Dazai exploded joyously. He kissed Kunikida’s cheek and went off to clean the dishes.
Kunikida followed him with a dubious look. “You really are shoehorning in what you’re willing to do for me to let him go, aren’t you? You never do chores unless I force you to.”
“Yep,” Dazai agreed, scrubbing a pan. Small bubbles of soap popped around his fingers as he worked.
“But why do you want this so badly?” the other man asked, scratching his head.
Dazai put the sponge and pan down. “You see,” he swooned, and Kunikida caught him. With the back of his hand against his forehead he finally replied, ”we haven’t gone on a real date in so long!”
“What are you talking about? I took you out last Friday.”
Dazai groaned good-naturedly but teasingly. “Taking me out to dinner for an hour is sweet, but what about those grand romantic gestures eight years ago? Like that time when we went to that beach all the way in California just to enjoy each other’s company for days on end? Is it wrong of me to be tired of always working and always teaching when I’m not working?“
“But I—“ he started.
The brunette pressed to fingers to the dirty blonde’s lips. “Shh. Even if I’m not doing that you are. You don’t bend your schedule for me like you used to. And besides that, you’re always asleep before we can ever watch Theatrical Homeless Mutts! I love that show but I’m two seasons behind. Do you know how hard I have to work to avoid spoilers? And another thing: you know deep down that the reason you never invited Fukuzawa over was because you were to tired from work and teaching. You wouldn’t be attentive enough to have him think of you as a good employee, you think.”
Kunikida narrowed his eyes.
“Okay, fine, I think it’ll be a good learning experience for Atsushi. He’ll get used to living like, I don’t know, a socially interactive being? And if he does get mistreated, it shouldn’t bother him considering he knows he can just flex on them with his ability or tell them that both of his parents are in the famed Armed Detective Agency.” He bolted upright, as though he’d forgotten something. That, of course, being the dishes. “You know,” he added quietly, “Overtiring yourself results in quicker aging.”
“Are you suggesting I look old?”
“Mayyybeee…”
Kunikida took a magazine on the cabinet and whacked Dazai upside the head with a rolled up version of it. “Do you really mean that?”
Yet again a plate was discarded for a physical response. Dazai placed one hand on Kunikida’s cheek with a warm smile. “Even if I did, I wouldn’t find you any less handsome.”
“You’re so sweet sometimes, I wonder if I should have a candy store where I sell you,” Kunikida commented flatly. “But the sentiment is very nice.” He cleared his throat. “You really think he’ll be okay?”
“I can guarantee it.” Dazai rose on his tiptoes for a kiss, only to hear steps echo from the other end of the kitchen.
“Sorry about that, Dad. I didn’t mean to ruin the moment. I was just wondering about tomorrow. Am I helping out at the Agency again?” their grey-haired son asked from behind them.
Dazai shot one more happy look at Kunikida then moved to his side. He hugged his shoulder as he corrected, “Actually, you’re going to high school orientation.”
His face clouded with surprise and excitement. “What?”
“I’m enrolling you tomorrow,” nodded Dazai. He hugged Kunikida closer to his side. “I even got this block of concrete to agree!”
Kunikida gave him a tired sideways glance. “If I’m a block of concrete, you’re a tricycle.”
“I’ll keep that metaphor noted,” Dazai glanced back. Tricycles, although unpredictable in certain circumstances and easily broken, were great with kids, enjoyable, and well-liked by parents, after all.
The boy’s confused grin was more than enough to prove to his fathers that they had made the right choice. “You’re telling me that you’re not watching me 24/7 anymore? I get to meet people that aren’t online or at the Agency?”
Dazai nodded for a few seconds then squinted with one eye. “Yes, well, mostly. Since the Tanizakis are going there and all.”
Hopefully Naomi will refrain from her strange tendencies towards her brother when they’re at school. It’d be terrible to be associated with what’d be called the incest kids. But Atsushi didn’t seem too fazed. If he got treated coldly by his classmates, it wouldn’t be anything unlike what he’d already experienced, he probably thought to himself, assumed Dazai.
Atsushi brushed his long bang behind his ear. Despite the possible negative consequences of his parents’ choice, he was more than ready to deal with them. After hugging his dads, he went back to his room, calling, “Would you mind if I put this on Moonlight Beast?”
“His blog has nearly his entire life on it,” Kunikida whispered nervously. “What if some creep tries to hunt him down?”
“We’re gifted, and so is he. And I’ll put a tracker on his phone,” Dazai whispered back. “Just don’t put any pictures on your face, just like always!” he answered Atsushi.
“Got it!” he shouted, and darted out of sight to inform the few friends he had of this momentous occasion.