Chapter Text
Adapting back to normal life was being a lot more difficult than Kamal had expected.
Mainly because of the crippling guilt. Who would’ve thought! Not him, for sure. He had just wanted it to be over, and now that it was over, he had been holed up in his apartment for five weeks . Well-- no, it wasn’t even his apartment, Wallus had been letting him crash in his couch ever since the celebratory trip to the lake they took. Because he couldn’t pay rent anymore. Because he didn’t have a job. Because the only dental office within biking distance was Dr. Habit’s, and he didn’t even know if he was practicing dentistry anymore (he sure hoped not! :’-)), and anyway there was not a chance in hell he would be crawling back to him to ask for employment. If he had had a driver’s license, maybe he could have looked for a job somewhere else-- but of course he didn’t have a driver’s license. He was incompetent like that. Ha. God, he wanted to go back to that day at the lake. He hadn't relaxed ever since. Thought the worst had passed. So innocent. So naive.
Luckily, Wallus didn’t seem to mind the freeloading. He mostly seemed happy to see him again, and he wasn’t really home most of the day anyway, because he was too busy being a productive member of society (unlike Kamal), and because he worked in the next town over, since he actually knew how to drive a car (unlike Kamal).
At the very least, Kamal helped keep the place spotless, with his compulsive cleaning and all. His days had been composed of mostly that: anxiety cleaning, plus brushing his teeth until his gums bled, and fusing into the couch. Everytime he went outside, the thought of running into that kid or Habit was too overwhelming to even make it to the grocery store. Which was also what was keeping him from just surrendering to a retail job.
Stupid, stupid ridiculously small town.
… No. Stupid him, for being a spineless idiot. What had he expected? Habit should’ve been his problem to deal with, not the florist’s. At the moment, he had told himself there was no other way. It had to be them who talked to the Doctor. But as he pressed his ear on the cold metal door to Habit’s office, trying to make out what he was saying to them, he just felt like a total piece of stupid garbage. No, he knew for a fact he was a Total Piece Of Stupid Garbage, capitalized. He could have done more! For sure! Maybe starting with “Hey doc, are you sure you’re okay? Don’t you need to talk about anything? You know I’m here for you, right?”. But no. Nope. He just followed orders and kept his mouth shut, as he had done for the almost four years he had worked for Habit. When he was his actual dental assistant it hadn’t been too hard-- the Doctor was just that, a doctor. A really silly, quirky, and sometimes unsettling one, but the work was pretty monotone, and so their days boring and quiet.
Kamal missed that.
Since the day he was hired, Kamal could tell Habit was... a deeply, deeply lonely man. He also could tell that he hated his job, and was doing it more because he needed to eat than anything else. He found himself trying to make sure he was okay in subtle ways, following along with his silly ideas and mannerisms, and soon enough, he realized they both probably considered each other something close to a friend. Kamal figured Habit didn’t have many of those, so when his little pet project that he’d had ever since they met was shaping up to be a reality, Kamal didn’t doubt to follow along. The fact that he did so despite his doubts about it-- namely how deeply unsettled he was by his boss’ behavior the weeks leading up to the Habitat-- made Kamal realize he didn’t simply pity the guy. He cared. Like legitimately, actually, For Real cared. And he was Worried. Plus, Habit had looked so legitimately happy and giddy when he helped him put up the website that he thought… maybe, maybe, this was what he needed, and it would be harmless, and they'd help people, and Habit would be happy, actually happy, for once.
Of course he was wrong, as always. Everything went downhill way faster than Kamal anticipated. Breakdowns became more frequent since day one. Habit became more and more manic. Sometimes, Kamal could tell he hadn’t slept at all, or he could hear him wailing all the way to his room. He thought the peak had been the Martha incident, but after that, things just kept getting worse. He found himself avoiding his boss-- his friend. Didn’t even ask if he was okay, just went into his office when absolutely necessary. Obviously he wasn’t okay, but Kamal had absolutely no idea what to do about it, and seeing him deteriorate before his very eyes just made him feel all the more helpless. What if he tried to help and Habit took it the wrong way? Then he’d get fired and kicked out of the Habitat and every bit of emotional labor he had unwittingly put into his relationship with him would have been meaningless! Agh! That's why you shouldn't get so emotionally involved with your boss in the first place, dummy!
… Anyway, it turned out that what he feared happening did happen anyway in the worst way possible (having someone you deeply care about make fun of you for something out of your control is so great, you guys, especially when you have crippling anxiety. You should try it!). So he was pretty much doomed from the start.
Well. At least he didn’t get kicked out. But after a few days of being holed up in the roof, he kinda wished he had.
Habit’s PSAs were creepy . He wished he could do something to help him, but also he wanted to see the guy crash and burn for being so mean to him after everything he had done to help, but also he was extremely worried for everyone’s safety, but also he didn’t think Habit would do anything to hurt them, would he? Kamal just wanted to get out of there and go home, but he wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if a few days later it turned out that the Habitat imploded into itself and he didn’t do anything to stop it. Not that he had done anything useful so far, not as Habit’s assistant and not pacing anxiously on the roof, but. He would come up with something . At least that’s what he told himself.
And so, Flower Kid’s arrival was a blessing. A blessing that allowed him to ignore the obvious solution: go up to Habit’s office and talk to him his own damn self. No need for that! The kid was good with people! Too good! He was not! He would just make everything worse if he went. He didn’t have the courage. The kid did. They could do it. They had to do it. He was actually hopeful and optimistic for once when they finally agreed to go up there. He knew they could help Boris, just like they had helped everyone there, himself included.
So they did. And even though it was what Kamal had wanted with all his heart, he’d never felt more pathetic in his entire life than the moment he finally heard his boss’ voice take on a gentle, steady tone for the first time in months in response to whatever the hell Flower Kid did. It hit him harder than he thought it would. All that time in the Habitat and he hadn’t been able to do what the kid did in one morning. He felt even worse than when he told his parents he had decided to go to community college, and that was something!
Was he glad Habit was more or less back to normal? Of course! That's all he had wanted! But was he angry at himself? Hard yes.
On the other hand, a small voice in his head told him, he wasn’t responsible for Habit’s wellbeing. He had been his employee, nothing more, and they were both adults. He did what he could, and it’s not like Habit had been nice toward the end. He mocked him. If Kamal felt any responsibility toward him as a friend, Habit should too! He should apologize!
… But then again, turning your back on your obviously manic and unstable friend-boss because you’re afraid and can’t deal with conflict isn’t exactly the same as said manic and unstable friend-boss mocking you 1 (one) time in their unhinged, messy state.
Whatever. Habit still had to own up to it (you’re quite the hypocrite, aren’t you, Kamal). Maybe if he had been the one to confront him, he could’ve demanded an apology.
El-oh-el. As if. He was still convinced he could never have done what little buddy did. Ever. He didn't have the guts. Never had, never will. At least he was real with himself in that aspect.
Kamal was hidden by the time the door opened. He didn’t want to see either of them. He couldn’t. He was a disgrace! He had to disappear into the woods and live the rest of his life as a smelly, toofbrushless cryptid goblin to avoid how mortifying it would be to see the kid and be like “Hey thanks for facing my highly unstable and unhinged boss and putting yourself in harm’s way, I’m glad you could help him like I couldn’t even though we’ve known each other for literal years and I had every opportunity to try and do what you did in there”. Or even worse, see Dr. Habit and-- ha ha. No. He didn’t even know what he’d say. He wasn’t even going to entertain the idea.
Fast forward. Back in town. No apartment. No job. Crash at Wallus’. Become one with couch.
He almost thought about getting on a train back to the city, but having to stay at his parents’ and bearing all their questions and ‘we told you so’s was way too overwhelming to even consider.
Get up. Sweep the floor for the fifth time that morning. God, he hadn’t even thanked Flower Kid for what they did.
Sigh.