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My dearest Emily,
You were a dream come true. A dream I didn’t even know I needed. You were a bright eyed little three-year-old. Seeing you in your red turtleneck and overalls made my heart grow in size. The way you looked at Mulder and laughed at his Mr. Potato head impression was priceless.
“Knock Knock.”
“Mulder, what are you doing here?”
Mulder entered her apartment and walked toward the sofa and sat down putting the bag he was carrying on the coffee table.
“Make yourself at home. What’s in the bag Mulder and why are you here?”
“Thai and I figured I’d stop in see how you were doing and have a meal with you. I can go though, if you’d rather be alone.”
Scully gave a small smile. As mad as she was about him keeping that big of a secret from her, she really did enjoy his company.
“No, you can stay. I’ll get some dishes and forks. You didn’t have to stop by Mulder. You could’ve just called.”
“I know. If I called you, you would have said you were fine even if you weren’t. I know you think you are but I can tell your not. It’s ok not to be. She was your daughter.”
“A daughter I never knew I had. I had a child at least biologically anyway.”
You were my child. You were my daughter. Emily, you looked soo much like your Aunt Missy, my sister. You two would’ve been best friends. Maybe you two are friends where you are.
“I know but you found her. Or she found you. I’m not sure which but the fact that you were out in California at the time her mother was murdered means something. You were meant to find that little girl.”
They sat and ate quietly. Mulder knew not to push Scully on anything especially this. They had only been back home a few days. The weight of the last few weeks hadn’t really hit her yet. Mulder was ready to be the shoulder to cry on or the punching bag both verbal and physical when she needed it.
“Mulder, how did they do it?”
“Do what?”
“Create Emily. I mean she was born we established that but how.”
“I have ideas but nothing solid.”
“I’m listening.”
“When you were abducted, the experiments they did to you, left you unable to conceive. How they harvested your ova, I have no idea. The why we know.”
“To create alien human hybrids.”
“Correct. Now I did track down the woman listed as Emily’s birth mother. She was in a nursing home. I did some digging around while I was there and found out that several of the patients were being given hormones that a normal pregnant woman would have. I think that the good old doc was using the women as incubators. Anna told me she was to start a beauty sleep treatment or something. I’m guessing that’s when he did his dirty work. I can’t say how they are born but those women gave birth to babies. I umm I had Frohike check. They all are listed as birth mothers.”
Were you really born, my child? Where you just a product of some sick scientist? I have more questions then I do answers. I wish I had more for you. Maybe, if I did you would still be here.
“That only explains part of it. They needed a male donor. She was a human child or at least partly. Mulder, do you think it’s possible she was created during the time I was gone?”
“I honestly don’t know. It’s possible but you weren’t gone long enough to grow a whole child.”
“Grow a child? The proper thing would be to bring a child to term.”
“Whatever, point is, they used your ova to help create Emily. You didn’t give birth to her but she was your daughter. It could have very well been one of the experiments they did to you.”
“I… I don’t know if I should be angry or saddened by this. They used me to create a child. Emily was born to someone else, given up for adoption and raised by the Simms. It appears they loved her. I saw her room, Mulder. White wooden furniture, pink walls and carpet, books on a shelf and lots of toys. Why would a father who gave her all of that let her be experimented on? Emily told me that her mother said no more.”
“When did she tell you that?”
“Before one of her scans. She looked at me and said, ‘mommy said no more tests.’ I just told her we wanted her better.”
I really loved your room. You would’ve had your own room with me in my apartment. We would’ve decorated it together. I’d let you pick the color of the walls and you could’ve helped me paint it. Your room would’ve been filled with toys and books just like your room in the house. I bet Mulder would’ve gotten you a Mr. Potato Head to play with. I truly did want you to get better, Emily that’s why I ran those tests. I wanted to see what was wrong with you and how I could make you better.
“You did those tests to help her. You were looking out for her when no one else was. I think Roberta Sim wanted what you did. She wanted Emily to be and not be poked with needles injecting her with who knows what. Marshall Sim wanted his daughter well which meant those treatments. It wasn’t exactly great but I don’t doubt they loved her.”
“Mrs. Sim wanted it to stop. I don’t believe she knew what Emily was but she wanted the tests and treatments to stop. It was torture for that little girl. No child should go through what Emily went through. I understand what you’re saying but I can’t wrap my head around it.”
“I get it Scully. I do.”
“How could you possibly understand what I’m going through. You were abducted, experimented on, left dying only to recover to find you your baron because of what they did. Did you find out that you had a three-year-old daughter that turned out to be an experiment that ended up dying because of those sick bastards?”
Mulder sat there stunned by her outburst. She needed it but it still hurt to hear those words.
“You’re right Scully. I don’t know what its like to be abducted, tested on, sick and unable to conceive but I know what it’s like to lose someone you care about and love.”
“This isn’t about your sister, Mulder. This is about me and Emily.”
“No, it’s not about Samantha. I was hurt when she was taken and still am but I’m not talking about her. I’m talking about you.”
Scully was now the one with the confused look on her face. She just shook her head.
“When you were taken, I was lost. I feared the worse. Then you got sick but now you’re here and yes you’re hurting. You have a right to be but don’t think for a second that I don’t understand hurting.”
Scully said nothing. She understood Mulder had been hurt before but this was different. This was her child. Mulder had never lost a child. Had he? Mulder thought about leaving but opted to stay and see if Scully would open up more. A few silent moments passed before Scully spoke.
“I’m sorry. I know you are trying to help and be supportive. I really do appreciate it. This is just harder than I guess I realized it would be. I mean, Emily was my daughter but I wasn’t a mother to her. I didn’t even know her.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I’m here for whatever you need. Use me as a punching bag. I don’t care but please don’t say I don’t get what hurt feels like.”
“Deal. I’m not punching you though.”
Emily, Mulder is a good man. I think you got inside that big heart of his. You two would’ve been great friends. He was there at the hospital with me sometimes but he was out there trying to help you like I was.
“Mulder, I never really did thank you for everything you did for me and Emily. It meant a lot to me and I think to her too. She seemed to like you.”
“I only saw her once before she got sick and I was not at my best.”
“I know but the fact that you dropped everything and flew across the country for me means more them you’ll ever know. I pushed you away when she was dying. Part of me wishes that I didn’t. I’m a doctor, I’ve seen people die before.”
“She’s not people. She’s your daughter.”
“Yeah. I know in my heart that I made the right call by stopping the tests and treatments but it hurts like hell Mulder.”
Tears started running down her face as Mulder pulled her closer and held her while she cried for her daughter. She didn’t know Emily long but she loved that little girl as did Mulder. Scully managed to pull herself together after a few minutes.
“Sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“No need to apologize. It’s me Scully. I know what you’ve been through. It’s alright to cry for the loss you have suffered.”
Scully said nothing for a few minutes. Mulder gave her the space she needed by excusing himself to use the bathroom. When he returned, Scully was standing by her small desk.
“You alright?”
“I’m fine. Well fine as I can be considering what happened.”
Mulder took that as it was. He noticed Scully looking down at her desk where a white pad of paper was placed. He eyes didn’t move from it.
“What’s that?” Mulder asked nodding to the paper.
“It’s nothing. I was just ummm… you’re going to think this is crazy.”
“Nothing you say or do is crazy Scully.”
“It’s a letter I was writing.”
“To who? If I may ask?”
“Emily. I know it sounds crazy. Forget I said anything.”
“I don’t think it’s crazy. I did something like that after my sister and my father. It helped a bit.”
“I thought if I wrote a letter to her, that she’d know everything I wanted for her. I thought then she would know that I loved her and that I wanted her to come home and live here with me.”
“I know you wanted her to come home and I think that sweet little girl knew it too.”
“You think?”
Mulder nodded.
“When I found out she was my daughter, I briefly had hope that I’d be a mother. I never realized how much I wanted to be a mother until it was taken away from me. I actually had plans for her room. I was going to paint it pink and get her white wood furniture. We’d go shopping for bedding and little decorations for her room. I’d take her to the book store and the toy store. My mother and I would take her to the mall and by her new clothes. I know it wouldn’t be easy and it would take time for us to get to know each other but I would’ve done it.”
“What else?”
“I’d read her bedtime stories and tuck her in. Maybe, we’d get a dog. On the weekends, Emily and I could go to the zoo or aquarium. You could join us and do those impressions that made her smile.”
“Mr. Potato head is my specialty.”
“She was shy but smiled for you. She’d start preschool and I’d go to her little plays and parties. She’d have playdates, go to swim lessons.”
“Swim lessons? I’d teach her to swim.”
Scully smiled at the thought of Mulder teaching her daughter to swim.
“I had so many hopes and dreams for her. It’s not fair Mulder. I may miss her like hell but it had to stop. My child was not going to be part of an agenda.”
“You did the right thing. Emily would have had a great life with you. You would be a great mother.”
Mulder looked at his watch and decided it was getting late.
“I should get going. It’s getting late. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Ok. Sounds good. Thank you, Mulder, for everything. It felt good to talk about Emily.”
“Any time you need. I’m here.”
Emily, dear girl we would have had a great life together, you, me and Mulder. I love you my sweet baby girl.