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Steve hated seeing Natasha like this, all battered up and hurt from battle. He himself had resigned from fighting, only sometimes still helping SHIELD behind the scenes. After the final fight with Thanos, Steve had decided that he had fought enough and that he would dedicate his life to art. Bucky, Sam and Natasha were different. They were still active with SHIELD.
But it was only ever Natasha that came back littered in injuries, most likely from trying to protect everyone else instead of looking out for herself.
“Nat.” Steve sighed and got up, quickly running over to the door to help her take off her coat. It had been draped over her shoulders as one of her arms was in a sling.
“I’m fine.” She insisted, giving Steve a thankful smile as he took the coat off her.
“You’re back.” Bucky entered from the kitchen. “Oh, you look horrible.”
“Thanks, Barnes.” Natasha raised her eyebrow. “Always a pleasure talking to you.”
“I meant you look pretty beaten up.” He approached her, taking in her injuries. “What did they do to you?”
“Well, someone grabbed my arm and then broke it nearing the end of the fight. Another guy punched me in the face and gave me this lovely cut on my nose and some lady gave me a few nasty bruises on my arms.” Natasha spoke in a light voice, trying to not worry anyone. “Don’t worry. They will heal soon enough.”
“I know but I still worry.” Steve sighed. “I also worry when Bucky gets injured and he heals up quickly, too.”
“I know.” Natasha used her uninjured arm to pat Steve’s shoulder. “You worry a lot.”
“He does.” Sam came in, chuckling a little. “He was pretty worried that you came back this late.”
“Taking down bad people isn’t really a nine to five business where I’ll be home in time for dinner.”
“But you are home in time for dinner.” Bucky grinned at her. “We’re making a casserole.”
“I’m making a casserole.” Sam corrected. “You kept eating the vegetables instead of cutting them and forgot to pre-heat the oven.”
“I got home in time for dinner a day late, though.”
“And that is what worried me.” Steve rolled his eyes jokingly. “Shame on me for worrying about my friends, I guess.”
“I’ll go upstairs to change and you can continue cooking and eating all the ingredients, yes?” Natasha gave them a smile.
“Yes.” Bucky nodded and watched her move up the stairs.
Steve turned to the other men as soon as Natasha was gone. “I worry about her.”
“Me, too.” Sam admitted. “She’s going to her limits and then some more.”
“She still believes that she has to make up for what she did.” Bucky crossed his arms. “She has done enough. Without her persistence and her efforts to get the stones back, we would not be here today and half of the universe wouldn’t be here either.”
“Try telling her.” Sam sighed. “She doesn’t believe that she atoned for her wrong-doings. But we’ve all done things we aren’t proud of.”
Bucky eyed him for a few minutes. “Yes.”
“I can practically feel you three worrying about me.” Natasha joked as she walked downstairs, now wearing sweatpants and a tank top. “Really, I’m fine.”
“We were just worried that you go to such extremes on every mission.” Steve sighed.
“Well, Wanda needed my help this time and of course I will help her.” The woman shrugged. “Now how about we eat? I am positively starving.”
“Me, too.” Bucky chuckled and followed her into the kitchen. Steve and Sam looked at one another and then followed, too.
---
That night, Steve had a hard time sleeping. He was worrying about Natasha a great lot and eventually, he decided to go downstairs to get a glass of water, hoping it would help him fall back asleep.
As luck would have it, he ran into Natasha. She was sitting on the windowsill in the living room, looking out into the backyard and the lightly forested area beyond it. Steve approached her, trying not to startle her. He stood there for a minute, looking at her. Natasha had her legs pulled to her chest, her head resting on them.
“Do you think you can sneak up on me of all people?” Natasha whispered, never lifting her gaze from the woods.
“I wasn’t trying to sneak up on you. I was--” Steve stopped, not knowing what he was actually trying to do. “Alright, I guess I was. But only so I wouldn’t startle you.”
“Why are you up?”
“Why are you up?” Steve repeated, looking her over. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“Yes, sometimes missions keep you up.” Natasha swallowed a little before turning to Steve. “Nothing to worry about.”
“I read what the mission was about. Helping hostages in a government building really stays with you afterwards, doesn’t it?”
“He threatened to execute a hostage every hour.” Natasha said quietly, not meeting Steve’s gaze. “It took us two hours to get inside.”
“I read that.” Steve mumbled. “That wasn’t your fault, Natasha. You and the team did everything you could.”
“We didn’t do it fast enough.” She then stood up, trying to walk out of the room.
Steve grabbed her uninjured arm. “Natasha, not everything bad that happens in the world is your fault. You can’t stop every bad thing from happening.”
“I just wish I could. I cause so much pain. Now I want to be the reason why there isn’t more pain. There is enough pain in the world.”
“Natasha, your past is in the past. You’re not doing that anymore; you’re a good person.”
“Am I?”
“Yes, of course.” Steve nodded vigorously. “We are good people Natasha. We don’t deserve to suffer like this.”
“What if we do?” Natasha sighed heavily, finally turning to Steve. “What if I deserve it? You can say that we don’t because you’ve never done anything quite as terrible as I have done in the past. Maybe all this pain and suffering, all this guilt is a way for me to repent for what I’ve done wrong.”
“Even if it is don’t you think you’ve suffered enough? Even if all this pain is a way to pay for what you think you’ve done wrong, don’t you think you’ve suffered enough to repent for your wrong-doings?” Steve asked softly, trying to sound as gentle as possible. “You’ve spent years in pain and now we all have the chance to start over again and so do you.”
Natasha gave Steve a soft smile. “Maybe you’re right. I still wish I could have helped those people today.”
“Me, too. But it wasn’t your fault.” Steve reassured her. “Now, how about we go into the kitchen and get something to drink? Then we can try and get back to sleep?”
Natasha got up and nodded. “I’d like that. Thank you, Steve.”
“You know, I’ll always be there if you need to talk. But can you promise me that you’re not going to risk your life out of guilt?”
“I can promise you to try.”
“That’s enough. Trying is enough.”