Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Name: Sydney Winchester

Nickname: Syd/Sid (Most)

Alias: Lindsay Rollins. Abbey Campbell. Emma Gilbert. Chastity Meyer. Samara Cook.

Appearance:

Hair: Blonde

Eyes: Green

Face Claim: Claire Holt

DOB: January 24, 1979

Age: 25 (Physically) 35 (Biologically)

Species:

Human (Formerly)

Strigoi (Currently) - A rare type of Strigoi that have become almost extinct after being hunted down by the British Men Of Letters, Syd is thought to be one of the last, if not the actual last, female member of the race.

Turned: 2006; called himself 'Dracula'.

- Dracula is actually his true name and he is actually the Dracula. The Strigoi Alpha. Because of this, Syd was created slightly stronger than her 'kin' as the blood she was turned with blood that is considered purer.

Occupation:

Barmaid (Occasionally)

Hunter

Nomad

Men (Woman) of Letters (Legacy)

Alternate Vessel of Michael (Potentially)

Family:

Adam (ancestor) †

Eve (ancestor) †

Cain (ancestor) †

Abel (ancestor) †

Henry Winchester (paternal grandfather) †

Millie Winchester (paternal grandmother)

Samuel Campbell (maternal grandfather) †

Deanna Campbell (maternal grandmother) †

John Winchester (father) †

Mary Winchester (mother) †

Dean Winchester (twin brother)

Sam Winchester (younger brother)

Adam Milligan (younger half-brother)

Emma (niece) †

Christian Campbell (third cousin) †

Gwen Campbell (third cousin) †

Mark Campbell (distant cousin) †

Bobby Singer (surrogate father) †

Unborn Child †

Bio:

Sydney Winchester (b. January 24, 1979) is a strigoi and hunter as well as a legacy member of the Men of Letters. She is the daughter of John and Mary Winchester, twin sister of Dean Winchester and the older sister of Sam Winchester. She is a member of the Winchester and Campbell families. Through her father, Sydney is the older half-sister of Adam Milligan.

Sydney, Dean, and Sam were raised in the hunting life by their father, after the demon Azazel killed their mother.

When Sydney discovered she was pregnant at the age of 21 to a guy she'd been seeing behind John's back, John reacted harshly and told her that she would be getting rid of it and never seeing her lover again. That night whilst John, Dean and Sam slept, Sydney packed her bag and left.

She and her lover ran away together, leaving her family behind her.

"You're a hypocrite, Sam. You chose love over family and condemned me for doing the same"

Unfortunately, at 16 weeks, Sydney lost her baby. She and her lover drifted apart and then eventually separated. Rather than returning to her family, partly through embarrassment, Sydney left the country. She chose to travel around the world, avoiding the States, and England, after a nasty run-in with some British Men of Letters that left her with a nasty scar on her thigh. She has since covered it with a tattoo of a cherry blossom but it can still be seen underneath the ink.

"I suppose it's a family trait. Everything we love, we turn to ash"

At some point in 2006 whilst hunting a Strigoi, Syd was turned into one herself by the Strigoi Alpha, Dracula. She decided to adapt and accept her new reality and worked hard to control herself.

Syd eventually came to live in Bucharest where she hunts and occasionally works as a barmaid for the bar under her apartment for a discount on rent.

Personality:

"I learned that she's just a girl; that she lost her mum to young and she loves recklessly and blindly even if it consumes her" - Natasha about Syd.

As a child and young teenager, Syd was a a caring, supportive and overall sweet girl.

After she left her family, Syd built up an emotional wall and her first impression can come across as being withdrawn and aloof.

Natasha: "You know, when I first met you, I thought you were a real bitch"

Sydney: "Well, what changed?"

Natasha: "Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you"

Sydney: "Well, that's sweet of you to say"

Syd can also be emotionally fragile. She very much wants to be like a normal young woman and longs to have the normal life she missed out on. Syd is very punctual and organized. Syd fears being left alone and she doesn't believe it when people treat her as a friend or a lover. As a teenager, she was let down by her family time and time again, this was one of the reasons for her emotional wall. She is just a lonely woman who wants someone who actually cares about her. Although she is intelligent and calculating, Syd is extremely reckless and impulsive. She has also stated that she inherited her temper from her father; hinting that Syd has a bad temper.

Despite her working knowledge of the supernatural, Sydney is skeptical with regard to the "good aspects of religion."

"That is enough talk about harming that baby!"

Sydney shows on multiple occasions to have a soft spot for children. She is very good with them, able to talk to them with ease, and she is always very sympathetic. Her affection extends to nearly all children, particularly young ones, although she also cares about teenagers. Sydney is more willing to put her life in danger for children than she is for nearly anyone else. Sydney's affection even extends to monster children, if it can be helped she will never kill a monster child. Any child. It's assumed that she would have made a good mother.

"I'm not hungry, I'm angry. Shot by your ex, drowned by Dean's. You two need a lesson in women"

Physical Appearance:

Syd is a beautiful and very attractive woman and has natural light blonde hair, light bluey-green eyes, full lips, and pale light skin with a small dusting of freckles across her cheeks and nose. She is a tall and slim Caucasian female.

In terms of fashion sense, Syd is often seen wearing stylish and mature clothing with trendy coats and fashionable jewelry, such as long necklaces and pendants or dangle earrings. She is mostly seen wearing the colors of white, black, brown or gray. She often wears low-heeled boots and shoes with dark jeans or leggings.

Syd has long, icy blonde hair, which is usually naturally wavy; however, she can occasionally be seen with straight or curled hair or pulled back in a casual style, rarely wearing any hair accessories.

Syd's make-up usage is minimal, subtle daily; but she tends to wear more for special occasions.

She does have one main necklace, ring and a bracelet that she refuses to take off.

The bracelet is a hunters bracelet covered in all the usual charms.

The necklace is a trinity knot necklace given to her by Sam when they were younger.

Syd also has a daylight ring. 

Trivia:

- Unlike Dean, Sydney's taste in music is basically anything. She doesn't have a set genre or decade. She just listens to whatever she likes.

- Sydney has a collection of postcards and unsent letters in a box, these are addressed to Sam, Dean, and even a few to John.

- Sydney has read all the Supernatural books. Bobby had sent her as many copies as he could and she bought the missing ones. It's a way she kept up with her brothers. They litter her bookshelf in her small apartment.

- She has a number of scars on her body from various hunts and monsters.

- Sydney can perfectly change her voice to many different accents, her favorite is British, she finds people trust her easier.

Relationships

Sydney and Sam - Sydney and Sam are siblings and they were once close.

Sam: "I thought I told you to stay put"

Sydney: "Well, I hate being told what to do so I ignored you"

Sydney and Dean – Sydney and Dean are twins, and once upon a time were very close, even considering each other best friends.

Sydney: "For Sam's plan to work I can't go mad and you can't die. What are the odds of that?"

Dean: "Wasn't it you who once said I could talk my way out of Hell?"

Neither Sam nor Dean knows that the reason she left was because of her pregnancy and her love. Dean felt more than a little resentment towards her for just leaving without at least telling him.

Sydney and Bobby - Bobby was like a second father to Sydney.

Sydney and John – Sydney and John had a complicated relationship. He seemed to be slightly more protective over her than the boys because she reminded him more of Mary, it was both suffocating and thoughtful but as a hot-headed, stubborn teenager Sydney had a hard time dealing with it. She still hates him for their last argument and has never forgiven him for wanting to kill her child before it was born.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes

"Do you think — and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here — but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out sometime, maybe?"

"Maybe." - Bucky asking to ask Sydney out

Powers, Abilities and Weaknesses:

Syd possesses all of the standard powers of a Strigoi but to slightly stronger proportions because she was turned by the alpha. Because of their lower numbers, Syd is actually currently the strongest female Strigoi alive and one of the strongest Strigoi in the world.

The supernatural forces that sustain Strigoi also endow them with superhuman physical abilities as well as powers of mind control. Their physical abilities such as strength, speed, agility, durability, healing, and senses all grow stronger with age and experience. Strigoi who feed on animal blood will not be as powerful as those who feed on human blood. Human blood is also known to increase the speed of healing when ingested by a Strigoi after being seriously wounded.

Super Strength: Strigoi are noticeably much stronger than hunters, vampires, werewolves and humans and slowly grow stronger as they grow older. They always have the advantage of superior strength in direct combat with a human. Even new Strigoi who are still in transition can toss an average-size, fully-grown human across a room with great speed and force. Their other feats include single-handedly lifting grown men high off the ground by the throat and snapping their necks, cutting off a person's head with their bare hands, and ripping out internal organs such as hearts with little to no effort. Their strength allows them to jump higher and further than any natural creature. Strigoi who feed on humans are stronger than those who feed on animal blood. Although noted that a Strigoi strength enhances with age, it can also be noted that the emotional status of the Strigoi takes a toll on the strength.

Super Speed: Strigoi are much faster than hunters, vampires, werewolves and humans. Strigoi can accelerate their movements to cover short distances in an instant, usually faster than the human eye can see. When running across long distances, they appear as vibrating blurs of motion allowing them to appear or vanish quickly and quietly. Their reflexes and dexterity are similarly heightened, allowing them to catch certain projectiles such as arrows and thrown stakes in the air with ease. Like their strength, their speed also increases with age.

Super Agility: Strigoi possess super-human agility. They have shown that they can move quickly, jump very high, climb, and run incredibly fast without difficulty or exhaustion. Strigoi can jump with their super speed too. Strigoi that feed on human blood can jump much higher than Strigoi that feed on animal blood. This ability also increases with age.

Super Senses: Strigoi have extremely keen senses of hearing, sight, smell, and taste that far exceed those of hunters, vampires, werewolves and humans. They can hear whispered conversations, even ones in far of buildings and on phones, though most Strigoi typically learn how to tune out most ambient noises when it's not necessary to hear them. Dracula told Syd that Strigoi can turn their enhanced hearing off, which explains why they can occasionally miss auditory warnings (such as the footsteps of approaching enemies) when they're paying attention to other things. Strigoi can also smell blood from several meters away, and see in total darkness. These senses improve and grow stronger with age and experience. Their senses of taste are also enhanced as well, allowing them to detect the presence of drugs, alcohol, or vervain in someone's blood.

Super Durability: Strigoi can take a great amount of physical damage without being slowed down. Even Strigoi who have been shot with wooden bullets, which have a weakening effect on Strigoi, have been seen to continue fighting so long as they were not shot in the heart or the head. Strigoi still react to physical force in a human manner, particularly young Strigoi, who will occasionally be affected even by human-strength-level force. Strigoi can also still be stunned and dazed by strikes and trauma, though their tolerance for it will increase as they get older.

Healing Factor: Strigoi recover tissue from any form of physical damage to their bodies within seconds, though they still feel the pain of a wound before it heals. Strigoi can snap their bones back into place after they have been broken and have been seen to fully recover from gunshots, stab wounds, and torso impalement very quickly, so long as they had consumed a regular diet of human blood prior to the injury. Those Strigoi who feed on animals will still heal much faster than a human, but their injuries, especially severe ones, will take much longer to heal than a Strigoi who feeds on human blood. Also, a Strigoi's enhanced healing is limited to physical damage to their bodies—many forms of magical damage and psychological damage are beyond its capability. Strigoi cannot grow back body parts, though they can reattach the severed limb with some effort.

Immortality: A Strigoi stops aging once turned. Upon their transformation, Strigoi become immune to all conventional illness, diseases, viruses and infections. While Strigoi who were cancer-free as humans will be immune to cancer after they are turned, those humans who were turned while they had cancer will not only still have it as a Strigoi, but their newly-enhanced healing factor will accelerate the progression of the cancer cells over two-fold, nearly always causing the cancer-stricken Strigoi to kill themselves to end their suffering.

Enhanced Emotions: Strigoi experience emotions more powerfully than humans. Emotions like love, joy, and happiness are magnified for Strigoi, allowing them to live life more intensely. This ability allows Strigoi to feel emotions at their peak regardless of their age. Conversely, sadness, depression, guilt, fear and anger are also amplified, causing many Strigoi to become so overwhelmed that they "turn off" their humanity to block out the more painful emotions. After time and practice, the overwhelming sensations of heightened emotions fade as the Strigoi learns to overcome their emotions without turning off their humanity all together.

Emotional Control: Strigoi have the supernatural ability to remove or dull their emotions by "turning off" or "switching off" their humanity, which is directly connected to their emotions. Doing so allows them to block out their more negative emotions, such as fear and guilt, allowing them to feed and kill without remorse, go against any opponent without fear, and relieve themselves of painful feelings such as grief, loss, depression, and shame. A Strigoi without their emotions is far more calculating and direct than one who keeps them on. However, the Strigoi can become a remorseless killer, and are almost unrecognizable from the person they truly are, as blocking out negative emotions also causes their positive emotions to become dulled or nonexistent as well. Strigoi are capable of turning their humanity back on and bringing back their emotions, but it is difficult as a result of the fact that they will be bombarded with all of their repressed emotions in addition to the guilt of anything they did without their humanity (such as killing or torturing innocent people or loved ones) with enhanced intensity. This ability fades with time and Strigoi who are over 500 years old have said that they have lost the ability to turn off their humanity altogether.

Mind Compulsion: Strigoi have the ability to influence and control thoughts, emotions, and behavior and can alter or erase memories. There is a sort of hierarchy as to how this ability works. Strigoi can compel humans, untriggered werewolves, vampires and most other supernatural species. However, no Strigoi can compel witches, demons or angels.

Telepathy: Strigoi have a limited form of telepathy that allows them to easily enter the minds of humans, and with more effort, the minds of most supernatural creatures, even powered down angels. They can also enter the minds of other Strigoi, though this ability is dependent on the Strigoi being younger or weaker than the one using telepathy. It is one of the hardest abilities to master, and because of this, it is usually the last of the mind-control-related abilities a Strigoi learns after becoming proficient in mind compulsion. Normally, this ability works through tactile contact, usually by the Strigoi placing the palms of his or her hands on the temples of the person whose mind they want to enter. The Strigoi then closes their eyes and focuses on the information they wish to seek, allowing them to sort through their victims' memories until they see what they're looking for.

Dream Manipulation: Strigoi can also use their power of telepathy to control dreams and the subconscious. This is an aspect of telepathy that is much easier to learn, and with it, a Strigoi has the ability to produce and modify dreams, bestow nightmares and lucid dreaming, distort people's perception of reality and trap someone in their dreams. However, this is a learned skill that requires practice to achieve.

True Face: A Strigoi's true face is the appearance they are hiding under their normal human face. When a Strigoi's true face is revealed, the sclera of their eyes turns blood-red, dark veins appear under their eyes as the blood pumps forcefully through them, and their canine teeth extend into razor-sharp fangs. A Strigoi's fangs are extremely sharp which gives them the ability to tear into almost any substance (including and especially flesh) and tear off limbs. A Strigoi's true face will appear for the first time either while they drink human blood for the first time or shortly afterward. With the fangs come the darkened veins under the eyes as well.

Abilities:

Master Hunting Skills: Trained up by John from a young age, Sydney possesses excellent combat and hunting abilities; she is more than capable of taking a stand against even the most formidable of opponents, such as demons, vampires and werewolves.

Marksmanship: Sydney is well-versed with multiple types of firearms and is an expert marksman, she seldom misses her intended target and can efficiently put down anything vulnerable to bullets. Her enhanced senses and speed also aid her.

Master Swordsman: Sydney is highly skilled with knives and other bladed weapons.

Multilingualism: Sydney is fluent in English, Aramaic, Latin, Romanian, and proficient a few other languages from her travels.

Weaknesses

If Strigoi are killed by a wooden object stabbed through their heart, their body desiccates into a gray color, and their vampiric veins thicken and protrude from their skin. Strigoi can build up tolerances to some weaknesses, such as vervain, allowing them to help lessen the likelihood that it will seriously incapacitate them when used by enemies. However, it will still burn them upon contact, but if ingested, it will not weaken them as much if they take small amounts over time to increase their immunity.

Animal Blood: Animal blood, while somewhat satisfying a Strigoi's hunger and sustaining their undead life, will make the Strigoi considerably weaker than they would be if they had drank human blood, causing their physical abilities to be inferior to a human-blood-consuming Strigoi, making them heal much more slowly, and making their compulsion less effective.

Broken Neck: Breaking a Strigoi's neck will not kill them, but it will render in a death like state for varying amounts of time, depending on the diet and age of the person in question. It was shown when the Enhanced Original Strigoi Alaric, snapped Damon's neck, he recovered quickly due to the fact that he is an older Strigoi.

Decapitation: Dismembering or manually removing the head of a Strigoi will result in instant and permanent death.

Desiccation: Strigoi who abstain from blood for extended amounts of time will eventually desiccate and mummify. Witches can use magic to desiccate a Strigoi, and the British Men Of Letters also developed a serum that would cause desiccation in a Strigoi if they were not given an antidote within a short matter of time.

Fire: Strigoi are highly flammable and sensitive to fire, and will quickly burn and die from it if the flames are not extinguished in time. This quality has been proven to be useful in disposing of the remains of a dead Strigoi without any physical evidence. However, in some cases, Strigoi have used this vulnerability to their advantage, such as removing their daylight rings and exposed their hands to sunlight near an open gas leak, causing explosions and fireballs to incapacitate or kill their enemies and dampening the flames before they can do harm to themselves.

Heart Extraction: Removing the heart of a Strigoi will result in permanent death. Strigoi have the strength to plunge their hands right through the flesh of humans, hunters, werewolves, other Strigoi and lots of other supernatural creatures, allowing them to punch their hand through the thorax of a person and pull out their heart. If it is a Strigoi who has been subjected to this, then they will desiccate upon their death, causing their bodies to become a grey, dry husk with their vampiric veins exposed all over their body.

Invitation: Strigoi cannot enter a home without an invitation by the owner. If a Strigoi that wasn't invited in a human's house is forcefully shoved into the threshold, they will begin to bleed from the nose and eyes and feel immense pain in a similar manner to a Pain Infliction spell. It has been revealed that invitation can be granted long-distance and even by someone who hasn't lived in the house in years.

Magic: Strigoi are susceptible to the powers of witchcraft. This is inclusive of mystical objects. Witches have been seen to use magic to cause agonizing pain by inducing aneurysms in their brain or muscle spasms, telekinetically ripping out their hearts or snapping their necks, magically increasing their hunger for blood to unbearable levels, setting them ablaze with a single thought, and desiccating them to the point of mummification.

Physical Trauma: Minor physical injuries such as gunshots, stab wounds and broken bones will cause a pain and also slow them down. However, this is momentary as they will heal completely within seconds so long as they haven't been weakened by other means such as vervain or werewolf bites.

Poison: There have recently been various poisons shown invented by people such as the British Men Of Letters that are capable of incapacitate or desiccate a Strigoi when administered.

Sunlight: Sunlight and UV rays burn Strigoi on contact, and prolonged exposure will cause them to burst into flames and die. However, this weakness can be mitigated by the use of a lapis lazuli stone enchanted with a specific protection spell by a witch for a particular Strigoi, which is usually affixed to jewelry, though it requires the Strigoi to wear the stone at all times.

Vervain: Exposure to or ingestion of vervain causes a Strigoi to become severely feverish and weak to the point that it can even hinder their healing abilities as well. Also, physical contact with vervain will burn a Strigoi's skin. Strigoi cannot compel anyone who has ingested vervain or has it on their person. Many Strigoi drink small amounts of diluted vervain to reduce its effects when used against them by enemies.

Werewolf Bite: The bite of a werewolf is extremely lethal to Strigoi. It will cause them sickness and hallucinations for several hours or even days, depending on how many bites/how much venom was ingested, until their body heals itself.

Wood: Wounding a Strigoi with a wooden weapon such as wooden bullets will incapacitate them, and it will take longer for them to heal their injuries than if the wounds were caused by any other substance. Stabbing a Strigoi through the heart with a wooden stake will result in instantaneous and permanent death.

Chapter Text

Bucky's only been in Bucharest a couple of days the first time he sees Sydney Winchester. It's June in Bucharest, on the warm side, the sun shining in the sky. She's sitting outside a small coffee shop, headphone in her ears, sunglasses over her eyes. Her jeans torn and ripped along the legs, her shirt hanging loose, jacket folded over the back of her chair. Her heel taps against the chair leg to the beat of her music. And he swears he's never seen anything so beautiful. His heart actually stutters in his chest and it's never done that for a single woman before. Never. Well...according to the memories he has anyway. And Hydra never had anything like her there. He might have stayed with them if they did. That's a twisted messed up kind of thought. She barely pays any attention to her surroundings instead more interested in the journal she's writing in, her eyes flickering between that and the laptop screen beside her. She flexes her fingers as she sets her pen down, her eyes shifting to her latte as her free hand lifts it to her lips. No lipstick. Actually, if she is wearing any make-up at all it's very minimal. He watches her from where he sits, a newspaper held in front of his face like it hides what he's doing. It's so cliché. He's an actual trained spy and this was the best he could come up with. He's such a pathetic mess. It's not like he planned to sit and watch her. He'd been passing by on the other side of the street when he'd seen her reflection in the window. And the next thing he knew he was sitting at the table across from her. The first time in a long time that he's just wanted to sit and stay still and watch the world pass by. To watch her. It's the first time he's stopped in months, city to city, country to country, fleeing from his past. Fleeing from everything. He's pulled from his thoughts when he hears her chair scraping against the floor as she pushes it back. She slides the laptop back into her bag before she stands and gathers the rest of her things. His eyes track her movements. Each one of hers seems flawless, effortless, graceful. The way her hair moves with her, the way her fingers curl around her journal before it joins her laptop in her bag. He sits up straighter a little as she pulls on her jacket before sliding her bag up along her arm to her shoulder. She tidies the table a little before she turns and walks away, Bucky leaves himself a few moments before he's up and following her, his steps sure behind her.

..........

Bucky follows her to an old building a few blocks away from the cafe. Music emanates from the dive bar on the ground floor. A few patrons stand outside smoking and laughing. Bucky watches as she passes them and stops just at a door on the other side. She pulls keys from her pocket and opens the door stepping inside before closing it again. Bucky can't follow her now. And now he's free of her he realizes just how stupid he is being. How creepy and perverse. Following and watching the attractive woman down the street. He closes his eyes and mentally scolds himself. What was he thinking? He sighs and then looks around, checking out the neighborhood, he needs to find somewhere to stay himself because he doesn't particularly want to sleep on the streets again. It was too high risk even for only one night. He can move on again in the morning. He takes a breath and heads off down the street to find a hovel to hide in. 

............

Sydney sets her bag on her dining table along with her keys before moving to look out the window. Her eyes instantly finding her stalker. She watches him walk away as she pulls off her jacket. She's been followed before, others of her own kind, demons...hunters. But he doesn't seem like any of them. He doesn't smell supernatural but he's not 100% human either. She'll see what happens. Check her wards just in case. She turns from the window and sets her jacket over the back of the couch before moving back into the kitchen, she toes off her heels as she goes leaving them behind her. She takes a deep breath and lets it out as a sigh. Dinner for one. Yet again. 

Chapter Text

A glass of blood half drank rests on the bedside table, an open copy of Murder on the Orient Express sits next to it, the sun only just rising out the window behind them. Sydney sits up in bed, her laptop resting on her legs as she seeks out a hunt, police databases and newspaper articles are shown on screen. Music plays quietly as she scans the screens for anything that could be here thing. A maybe but nothing solid. She makes a note in her journal, just something to keep an eye on for now, no hard proof that there is something supernatural going on but there could be. She doesn't want a wasted journey. It would be a long way to travel if it was. She glances to the clock at the bottom of the screen and then sighs a little. She closes her laptop and stands from the bed to get ready for the day.

................

Bucky jerks awake turning his head into his pillow to scream, his flesh hand coming up to rest on his shoulder where metal meets flesh as he curls up, the fetal position his best friend nowadays. Once free of the torments in his mind he uncurls and smooths out. Not gone just...easier to handle....in small bite-sized shapes. He lays there awake, escaping his nightmares. Flickers of memories flashing in his mind. Rattle of gunfire. Whirling of his metal arm. Screams. So much screaming. His eyes stare at the cracks in his ceiling as he takes deep breaths. Listening to the thundering of his heartbeat in his ears. Fear coursing through him. Fear and guilt. He blinks and a few tears leave his eyes. He reaches up and scrubs them away before sitting up. He's not going to wallow in bed all day. He has things to do now. A routine to stick to. He turns and sets his feet on the wood floor, stretching his toes in his socks before pulling his boots on. Always ready to run. He tightens the laces before standing and moving to the window. All of them are covered in newspapers to stop that...software people have nowadays with facial recognition. Plus he has no curtains or blinds to shut out the sun. Newspaper works just as well and cheaper. He pushes the newspaper on the window in front of him aside so he can look out on Bucharest. He stayed. He rubs his shoulder and cringes slightly at the ache. It's nothing he can't cope with. His eyes find a flash of blonde below. Familiar. He may have found an apartment right across the street from Sydney's. It was one of the nicest of the worst apartments plus it comes with a little job, maintenance, he fixes stuff and they let him stay. He watches as Sydney locks her door, a small smile working onto his lips and just like that his nightmare is pushed to the back of his mind, not forgotten just....ignored, for now. She turns and looks around dropping her keys into her bag before walking away. He turns from the window and grabs his jacket from the back of the couch and heads out the apartment shutting the door behind him.

................

Sydney knows when he joins her. It's been the same for six weeks now. He is still following after her like a little puppy. She pretends she doesn't know. He's clearly not around to kill her, or to try to, they always try within a couple of days, and he's never approached her so she assumes that that must mean he doesn't want to kill her. So she leaves him be, keeping her abilities to herself in the comfort of her flat. She's just another local. He doesn't follow her out of the city, she's noticed that, when she gets into her car for a hunt he stays in Bucharest. Again he's taken the table directly across from her. He keeps his jacket on despite the heat of early August. Keeps his baseball cap lower over his eyes but she's seen them. Those piercing blue depths are hauntingly beautiful....and terribly sad. He glances to the waitress as she stops at his table. Orders an iced water and a cookie. Never anything else and never anything different. His eyes move back to Sydney when the waitress leaves him alone, his hand disappearing into his jacket to pull out a book. He's stopped using a newspaper to hide and opted for something a little more....normal. Some days he even tries to read it, when she's engrossed in whatever her work is he tries to read but always ends up going back to her.

.............

Sydney usually sits here for a couple of hours, writing, typing, working. He doesn't know what on but she seems to be really focused on it. She doesn't seem to go anywhere for work so maybe she works on her computer. Some form of freelancer or something. Maybe a writer or a journalist. If the latter he should be extra careful just in case. If she is a journalist and she figures out he's following her, and finds out what and who he is....she could be the end of him. She reads something on the screen before she is standing, sooner than usual, he watches as she grabs her things. Whatever it is, it's important, and he won't intrude, plus he has some repairs to do back at the apartment block. So he doesn't follow her. He leaves her be as she leaves.

Chapter Text

It's two more weeks before Sydney has had enough. She's in a bad mood anyway having not slept very well the night before, having spilled her blood that morning all over her favorite white jeans and her latest hunt almost ended badly for a lot of people. She's just annoyed by everything. Including her mystery stalker man. She sighs and glances to his reflection in the cafe's window, instead of looking straight at him. His half-eaten cookie rests on a plate at his elbow. His eyes watching her, again...always watching her. He's not even subtle about it. She turns and reaches into her bag to pull out a sketchbook which she sets on the table. He perks up a little, realizing that this is a first, a change in her usual. When she's here, she writes in her journal or types on her laptop. She grabs her pen and writes in large letters on the first blank page she finds, then clicks the end of her pen and lifts the pad up, she sets it on the table facing him. He takes in the words; 'Planning on stalking me forever?'. He startles slightly lifting his eyes to hers. She's watching him, her nail tapping against the page. He clears his throat wanting to flee. Wanting to escape. He was caught out. Him, world's most dangerous assassin and spy....caught out by this...woman. She cocks her head waiting for him to do something. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do. So he does what he seems to be best at these days. Flees. He hurries away from her as she lowers the pad, her eyes tracking him through the crowd before he disappears. She drops the pad back into her bag and goes back to her computer.

............

Bucky paces his apartment. How long had she known he was following her? How did he not figure it out earlier? He's such an idiot. He presses the heel of his flesh hand into his head and closes his eyes. Screwed up headcase. He can't even do this right. He sits on the edge of his bed and sighs. He needs to find something else to do. Something else to fill his time with. He can't face her again. Not after his. Not with her knowing what he's doing.

.................

Bucky can't. He can't change what he's been doing. He looks forward to seeing her way too much. Relies on seeing her to chase away the bad. Without her, it's all there, right there. Haunting him. Chasing him. All the bad. All the horrors. All the pain and the suffering. He can't escape it without her. He's...dependant. And it's bad, that's not something he should be doing. But when he has nothing else but the clothes and items in his little backpack he needed something else. Something real. Someone real. And she was....she is it. So here he is. Stood across the street from Sydney as she, yet again, is sat at the cafe, her latte, and bagel ready, her laptop and her journal open. He takes a deep breath watching her, she seems in a better mood today. Relaxed. Less tense. She's even wearing a dress. Flowing earthy brown with wedge heels. He also spies a tattoo on her thigh. Floral in design but he can also make out the raised flesh beneath it. A scar. A bad one too from how raised it seems. But he can do this. Just cross the street, talk to her. Say sorry for being a very creepy deranged brainwashed assassin. He rolls his eyes at himself. That's ridiculous, she'll think he's crazy for that. Just say hi. He tells himself. Start with hello. He takes another breath. Trying to prepare himself for human contact. Human contact that hopefully won't end in him being hurt. He checks the road before crossing it, heading straight for her. He tries to keep his gait none threatening but it just seems to happen, hunched over slightly, boots heavy against the ground. She doesn't look up when he stops at her table.

"I know you know I'm here" he states, she taps her nails against the laptop keyboard. After she called him out on it he kind of avoided her and yet at the same time still managed to follow her around. His routine here is the same as hers.

"I do" she agrees him not looking up.

"I urm..." he struggles a little, she looks up at him. "I wanted to apologize" he whispers, she hums a little. "For.."

"Following me?" she asks him.

"How long did you know?" he counters, she pulls her sunglasses off.

"I guessed....the first time you sat down across from me" she nods to the table. "Your whole...newspaper shield didn't really work" he looks down a little. "Plus....I'd never seen you before and then suddenly you are everywhere I am, for the last two months"

"Not everywhere" he mumbles, he stands there awkwardly, not sure where to take the conversation next, it's been too long since he's had a normal conversation with another human being. "You don't seem to....socialise much" he points out. She hums a little.

"Shouldn't talk to strangers" she comments amused leaning back in her seat.

"That's smart" he whispers rubbing the back of his neck, he can feel his heartbeat in his fingertips. She pushes the chair across from her out with her heel and nods to it.

"Sit" he hesitates a little, not sure if he should even be talking to her let alone sitting and spending time with her. "You're blocking my sun" she scolds. "Sit down" he nods.

"Okay," he breathes and takes the seat across from her, his hands fumbling a little in his lap.

"You're an awkward little thing, aren't you?" she offers, he lifts his eyes from his hands to meet her eyes which are watching him.

"Shouldn't talk to strangers" he parrots her own comment back at her. She leans up a little.

"Syd" she offers holding out her hand to him, he stares at it a moment before setting his flesh hand into it.

"B..." he pauses, thinks on it. He takes a deep breath. "James" he settles on, it's better this way, to use that name. To keep her from the truth as hard as he can.

"Now we aren't strangers" she points out pulling her hand back to pick up her pen.

"Shouldn't you..." he struggles for the right words here. "I don't know, be more wary about me?" he asks her, she raises an eyebrow. "Do you talk to all your stalkers?" he asks her, she snorts and shrugs.

"Only when they're cute" she answers, he clears his throat and looks down, his cheeks warming with the blush working its way onto them. "People don't usually have stalkers" she adds. "And if they do....then it's not really a good thing....but I don't feel like you're following me is...." she cocks her head. "Malicious" he shakes his head. "So why were you following me?" she asks, he shrugs.

"Honestly" he starts. "I thought you were pretty" he admits, she chuckles a little and presses her knuckles to her lips amused.

"That's usually the whole...creepy side"

"It's a little creepy" he agrees quietly. She grinds her teeth slightly not happy about that. He takes a breath before nodding. "It's been a while since I talked to someone" he admits.

"You just wanted someone to talk to?" she asks him, he nods. "Then you could have just spoken to me...."

"I didn't know how" he adds, she cocks her head. "Like I said....it's been a while" she sighs and grabs her bagel before throwing it at him, Bucky catches it and frowns down at the food item.

"Eat it," she tells him. "You look like crap" he smiles a little as she goes back to her work, he glances to her, sees she's smiling a little.

Chapter Text

Bucky walks Sydney's side this time as they head back towards her apartment. He'd eaten her bagel as instructed and she'd order him another two which he ate too. He's starving. She can see it in the way he carries himself, the way his clothes fit. He's been getting slimmer since she first saw him. And whilst she may be a monster in blood, she tries not to be a monster in person. And he needs help. Maybe that's why he followed her. He just wanted someone to see what he needed.

"Syd's a strange name" he comments out of the blue, he's been quiet since they left the cafe. She snorts a little and glances to him, his hair and hat hiding his face from her.

"Sydney" she alters. "My full name is Sydney" he turns to look down at her, his blue eyes seem brighter this close. He still appears tired though. Tired and lost.

"Isn't that a boys name?" he asks.

"Really?" she asks him, he shrugs a little.

"I'm still....getting used to things" he admits. "How long have you been here?" he asks her, she shrugs a little.

"In Romania or Bucharest?" she counters glancing up at him. "The world?" he shoots her a look at that.

"Both" he answers. "Any"

"I was born in '79" she answers, he does the math in his head....35, she's 35, and looks....actually she looks really good for it. "Well, Bucharest about 8 months now" she offers. "Romania...I've come and gone for about the last 8....9 years.....Traveled through Europe a bit" she admits.

"You're American, though?" she nods.

"Yep..." she admits. "I was born in Kansas so...long way from Romania"

"Brooklyn" he offers, she raises an eyebrow.

"You're an American too?" he nods. "Your accent is...harder to place, it seems to fluctuate" she takes a breath. "So why are you here?" she asks tucking her hands into her pocket.

"Escaping" he answers, she nods.

"Yeah, I get that" she agrees softly, understanding. He glances to her.

"Is that why you're here?" he asks her, she hums and looks to him.

"Family issues" she admits with a side shrug. "It's been...." she counts a little in her head and then scoffs. "14 years"

"You haven't seen your family in 14 years?" he asks her as he stops, she turns to him and nods. "Don't you miss them?" she sighs a little.

"It's complicated" she answers. "They had their chance to reach out...I'm not the one in the wrong for what happened there" she walks away, Bucky catches up to her.

"I never said you were" he assures her. "I'm just...asking"

"For someone to talk to, right?" she asks him, he nods. "Alright, well let's talk about you" he shakes his head.

"No" he answers.

"But it's okay to talk about me?" she raises an eyebrow. He realizes that he is being a little unfair.

"I just..." she tugs her jacket closer.

"Yeah" she agrees. "Been a while" she offers, he nods.

"I should go" he whispers and then clears his throat. "I should be getting back" he adds stronger as he motions behind him even though he lives across the road from her, he needs a walk, he needs to think this through, think her through.

"If you need someone to talk to" she starts. "You know where I'll be" she teases weakly. He nods and then backs away from her. She sighs and shakes her head heading onward. Bucky pauses in his steps to watch her. It's easy to talk to her. He wants to just....talk to her. But how can he break who and what he is to her and expect her to be okay with it? He's not okay with it and it happened to him. She's so nice. She has been nice. Considering he stalked her. She should have yelled. Chased him off. Called him a sick freak. But she fed him, walked with him, talked to him.....like a human being.

.............

Sydney stands in her apartment on the phone, pacing slightly in front of her bed. Her duffel and her weapons bag resting on the top. She glances out the window and sighs.

"I can be there in a few hours" She responds in Hungarian as she sets a couple of button-up shirts into the duffel. "Are you sure that's what it is?" she looks to her bag of weapons open on her bed. She listens to the response and nods before hanging up. She takes a breath and picks up an empty pistol from a case open on the bed. Sydney grabs the box marked silver and opens it. Clips of silver bullets sit all nice and neat and in a row. She grabs one and snaps it into her pistol with a determined look. Her hunter instincts kicking in.

..............

Bucky didn't keep much from Hydra. Other than his training and his....memories. He opens the weapon case on his bed and sighs seeing the pistol and assault rifle inside. This is it. Plus the knife he keeps in his boot. He has more to protect now. Because he will protect her now. His new friend. His hand hovers over the pistol. Unsure. He doesn't want to touch it. Doesn't want to pick it up. Sydney's face flashes in his mind and his hand is surer this time, fingers wrapping around the gun before he picks it up. He will keep them in working order. Keep them clean. Keep her safe. He looks up and ejects the clip with a heavy breath.

..............

Sydney unlocks the garage door and lifts it up revealing her car inside. She doesn't use it in the city, there is no need, but leaving to hunt she does need a ride. She smiles though. She loves this car. It's seen her from Paris to Riga to Palermo. Her old faithful. She opens the trunk and throws her bags into it before shutting it and moving to the driver's door.

................

The sound of the car engine is perfect, beautiful, rumbling through her. Reminding her of the Impala. It drives away from the garage, tires skidding and squealing a little before settling. Sydney sits behind the wheel, music blaring. This is something she loves. Driving in her beat-up car, on the way to a hunt. 

Chapter Text

Bucky pulls on the wrench tightening the bolt to the floor. How they managed to undo it in the first place is beyond him. Well, this whole building doesn't exactly seem the sort that's....well looked after. Years of use and no care. He pulls the wrench back and checks the stability of the railing. Better. He nods and stands dropping the wrench into the bag of tools at his side. He takes a deep breath of the air coming in through the doors, working in this heat might have been a bad idea. His eyes seek out through those that pass by. Looking for her. Seeking her out. And he finds her. Standing across the street from him. She's been gone a few days and he has actually missed her. But he did get a lot of work down around the apartments even his own shower. He can't remember the last time he had a shower, a warm shower. But he has decided that he loves warm showers. He stands and leans in the doorway, brushes his sleeve over his cheek as she watches her talk to someone outside of the bar. She looks exhausted. Her trip. Where ever she went must not have gone well. He cocks his head as she looks across at him, she sees him, gazes locked. She then smiles at him, her fingers grasping to the strap of her bag, she waves at him. He nods back at her. Her eyes shift upward over the building checking it out, she's never really stopped to look at it before. She crosses the street to join him, he leans in the doorway waiting for her, his arms folded across his chest as she closes those last few steps.

"So this is where you're living?" she asks, he nods. "I'm going to point this out" she starts leaning closer. "Creepy that it's right across from my place"

"I would agree, but it was a....'I have little money and needed a roof' thing" she cocks her head and then shrugs a little. He sounds better. More sure in his voice with her. "And this was the best I could afford"

"Okay, I'll let you have it" she teases softly. "Have you eaten?" she asks him.

"Not yet" he answers. Which she could have guessed, he is looking a little better, cleaner, softer, but still hungry. She knows that look, the near constant feeling of being hungry.

"Good, come on, I'll treat you to lunch" she steps back out of the apartment doorway. He looks back to his tools and then to her. "You can take an hour for lunch" she adds.

"Let me just put my things away" he offers, she nods. Bucky heads back into the building, Sydney turns and takes a deep breath, that hunt had been harder than she thought. She'd been told it was one werewolf. Easy. But she got there and it was an entire pack and it was close. She almost got bitten a few times, they did scratch up her jeans. She looks to her fingernails, she had tried to scrub right down to remove the blood and she has done a spectacular job of it. She's just being paranoid about there being a noticeable speck somewhere.

...................

Sydney shrugs out of her jacket as Bucky sits across from her, his eyes looking around. This place is nice. Not somewhere he would usually eat, mostly because he can't afford it. It's got nice lighting, comfy seats, even serving staff in real uniforms, matching and everything. Sydney watches him as he gets comfortable. He seems so out of place. But she knows they have the best food here. Delicious and hearty and enough to fatten him up a bit. He shrugs out of his jacket, his shirt hanging loose off of his body, he keeps his gloved hand under the table resting on his lap. She notices. She doesn't call him on it.

"Miss Smith" Sydney looks up at the waiter as he joins them.

"Ilie" she greets softly. "How's the wife?" she asks in Romanian.

"Heavily pregnant" Ilie answers amused and then glances to Bucky before away again. "Are you on a date?" He asks her, surprise lacing his tone.

"Not a date....potentially a new friend" He hums a little.

"Well....What can I get you both?" Sydney looks to Bucky who raises an eyebrow at the two of them.

"You've been here a while now" she starts looking to Bucky. "Anything you like?"

"I've been sticking to dishes and foods I know" he admits. "Chips and soup" she casts him a disappointed look.

"Do you trust me?" she asks him, he glances to her. He struggles to give her an answer, he can't risk trusting the wrong person but he's not sure she is the wrong person. She leans up. "To order for you" she elaborates. "Doesn't have to be with your life...just your lunch" he smiles a little and nods. "And you're not allergic to anything, are you?" she asks, Bucky shakes his head. "Any particular foods you dislike?" he shakes his head again. "Good" she closes the menu and holds it out to the waiter. "He'll take the Sarmale and then the Cighiri" she states. "And I'll take my usual"

"Drinks?"

"Scotch on the rocks, and a water with ice" He nods and makes a note before walking away.

"You have a usual" Bucky points out, she turns to him.

"And you known Romanian?" she asks, he shrugs a little.

"A little" he lies, Romanian is one of the many, many, many languages that Hydra taught him. "Do you come here often?"

"I actually usually order it and they deliver it to my door" she admits. "That way I can eat in bed, in front of the tv......in my pjs" Bucky smirks a little.

"That doesn't sound awful" he agrees, she hums a little. He takes a breath looking around again. No one is watching them. No one looking at him suspiciously. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just two friends having lunch. And friends talk.

"How was your weekend?" he asks her. She shrugs, her light mood, her smile disappearing suddenly.

"It was fine.." she answers. "I urm had some work in Debrecen" he frowns a little.

"Hungary?" he asks. "You went all the way to Hungary for work?"

"Yeah, I go where the work is" she shrugs. "Sometimes it's in Romania, sometimes it's not....I once drove all the way to Soldeu for a job that was gone by the time I got there" he frowns at her. "It's in Andorra" she offers.

"How long did that take?"

"About 30 hours" she answers. "Yeah, that was a long drive but I just went on to Barcelona and had a fun weekend"

"What is it you do?" he asks, she leans back and shrugs a little.

"I'm in..." she cocks her head seeking an appropriate answers. "Pest control" she answers, he looks surprised. "What?" she asks noting his look, he shrugs.

"I don't know...I was expecting....writer or....journalist or something...you're on you laptop a lot"

"I am" she agrees. "I get emails and stuff from people with pest problems...." she shrugs. "Most come to nothing...those that do, I deal with"

"And you like doing it?" he asks her, she tilts her head slightly.

"It's what I'm good at" she answers, he snorts a little.

"That's not the same thing" he counters. She raises an eyebrow at him. "You can be good at something and hate it" he explains.

"I used to like it" she admits softly. "I guess over time...." she shrugs and then lets out a sigh. "I do it because I have too, because....somebody has to"

Chapter Text

Bucky comes out of his shell the longer he spends around Sydney. He talks more. Asks questions more. He's even started laughing a little. Today he stands outside of Sydney's apartment knocking on the wooden door. Shifting nervously on his feet. He wants to do something nice for her. She's been nice to him the last month. The month since she called him out, the month that a friendship has grown. They both keep their secrets and they both just....enjoy the companionship. It's been so long since he had a friend like this. Just someone to talk to. Someone who is there for him because they want to be, not because someone is paying them, or because they have to. And he likes her. The door opens and Sydney blinks taking him in. she groans a little.

"It's 8am" she comments leaning in her doorway, still half asleep and if it isn't the most adorable thing he's ever seen. "On a Sunday, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to thank you" he offers, arms laden with groceries. "For..." he shrugs a little. "For being nice to me when you could have...." she yawns and presses her hand to her mouth. "I urm...thought I could cook for you......brunch...." she raises an eyebrow lowering her hand.

"You want to cook me brunch?" she asks him, he nods. Her eyes shift slightly, softening. She sighs and leans up. "Alright" she motions for him to enter, heading up the stairs. Bucky lingers in the doorway a moment. She turns to him on the stairs, waiting for him. "But FYI, brunch tends to be at about....11..so" he blushes a little. He just got excited. He had planned on waiting, on sleeping in a little, but he was awake early and just carried on with his plans as if it were later.

"Okay, so breakfast..." he counters stepping into apartment, kicking the door shut behind him. He tries to ignore the face she's only wearing a pair of shorts and a vest top and the fluffiest socks he has ever seen. She jogs up the stairs and he trails behind her slower. Letting her adjust her apartment, he can hear her moving things around before he reaches the top of the stairs. He sees why she feels the need to tidy up, there are clothes everywhere, books scattered on table tops, empty mugs and glasses. He raises an eyebrow.

"Sorry, it's such a mess" she apologizes picking up her shoes and a few items of clothing from the floor. "I wasn't really expecting company....ever" he knows she doesn't talk to anyone else. It's him. He's the only friendly contact she has. She talks to the guy that owns the bar and rents her apartment but they're not friends. She talks to patrons at the bar when she works but none of them are her friends. She has Bucky as much as he has her. Bucky glances down as he stands on something. Can feel fabric under his foot. He pulls his foot back and swallows a little. He's been doing his research and these...items came up. Bra. It's a bra. Of course there were bras back in his day but nothing like this. There were only there to hold them into place, but nowadays, nowadays appearance matters. This one is black lace that's barely there. So different from anything women would have worn in the 1940's. She snatches it from the floor chuckling embarrassed.

"I didn't see anything" Bucky quickly tells her, she smirks a little and points to the kitchen. He nods and heads that way with the groceries. Sydney finishes clearing up, throwing her clothing onto her bed before joining him as he unpacks the bags.

"Okay" she breathes out. "If you're cooking, let me make coffee" she offers, he glances to the fancy modern coffee machine on the counter and cocks his head with a frown.

"If you have that thing why do you go out everyday?" he asks, she moves to the machine.

"So I'm not stuck in here 24/7" she nods to the apartment before grabbing two mismatched mugs from the cabinet. "And I wouldn't meet handsome cute stalker boys" he looks to her as she smirks back at him.

"Handsome and cute?" he asks her. "Is there such a thing?"

"I don't know" she shrugs. "Have you seen you?" he blushes a little as he clears his throat looking away and pulls carton of orange juice from the bag. "You're not used to someone complimenting you, are you?" she asks him quietly.

"No" he whispers. "It's....it's been some time" he admits. She turns so her back is against the counter and she faces him.

"I can call you pretty again, if you want" she offers, he lifts his eyes to hers. "Get you used to it"

"I'd rather you not lie to me" he points out.

"Do you really believe that it would be a lie?" she asks watching him work. "Who you are..." she starts.

"What I am.." he interrupts. "It's not pretty" he answers.

"Who you are and what you are is not always the same thing" she argues, he sighs a little. "What you are is a man that can be intimidating" she admits. "Especially when you're in one of your moods and you...kind of....strut down the street in those chunky ass boots" his lip twitches into a semi smile. "But...who you are is....timid" he cocks his head. "You can be sweet and sensitive, and just a little awkward" she looks to the breakfast and smiles. "Polite and generous...." Bucky watches her say these things about him. "Thoughtful"

"Really?" he whispers, she looks to him.

"Would someone not all those things turn up on my doorstep at 8 am on a Sunday to make me breakfast just to say thank you because I was simply being your friend?" he bites his lip and then shakes his head. She sees he is still struggling to believe her. "Whoever you were before we met, James" he looks back at her. "It doesn't matter" she adds, he looks down. "It's who you are now, this man that I know, that's who matters to me" she shrugs and grabs a blueberry from the punnet on the counter and then pops it between her lips. Bucky can't stop staring at her. He really wants to believe her. He does. But what he has done. Who he was. It's unforgivable.

...........

Bucky tucks his hands in his pocket stood on Sydney's doorstop, the sun having long set behind him. He'd spent longer talking with Sydney then he expected. It's just so easy with her. All day. They'd eaten brunch then she'd offered a movie, which turned into two and dinner. They talked. He laughed. A lot. She's got a sweet sense of humour. Sarcastic even. He finds it adorable. He clears his throat and shifts on his feet.

"Do you think..." he starts nervously. "And try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here" he quickly adds, she smiles a little. "But do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?" he asks her quietly, his nerves eating away at him. He doesn't even know what possessed him into asking her. These last weeks have changed him. Hopefully for the better. And he knows it's because of her. He likes her. She's beautiful. Makes him happy. Gives him space from the nightmares in his mind. Makes him feel....human. Sydney stares at him softly.

"Yeah, maybe..." she answers, Bucky looks to her surprised by her answer. He nods and then smiles.

"Okay..." he whispers and then nods. "Okay, maybe I will..." he tells her, they share a look.

"Goodnight, James" she tells him warmly, he nods.

"Goodnight" he whispers and waits till the door closes to leave, to cross the street to his own apartment. But he can't stop smiling like an idiot.

.............

Sydney smiles leaning back against her door. She doesn't know what compelled her to accept his asking of her to ask her out. She likes him. He makes her smile and laugh and he's her friend. Her only friend. Maybe going out with her only friend is actually a bad idea. But he makes her feel....human, which she hasn't felt in a very long time. She can try. She can try to be human and go on a date with a nice man. She pushes herself away from the door and heads up the stairs. Her heart all a flutter in her chest. Bucky's influence on her. It hasn't stopped all day.

Chapter Text

Sydney is content to wait for Bucky to ask her out. They hang out. They have lunch. Dinner. They sit on her couch and watch movies. But he never asks her. She knows he has issues. She respects that. But how long is a girl supposed to wait before she loses hope that he will ask her at all. Maybe he's realized that it was a mistake to ask her at all. Maybe he wants her to be his friend and nothing more. She'd understand that if he told her that that is what he wanted from her but he hasn't said that. She shakes her head stepping out of her apartment. He's not very good at saying what he wants. He has trouble picking out food he wants to eat, so of course, something like dating is going to be a huge step for him. So she waits.....semi-patiently for him to feel brave enough to ask her. If he ever will. She locks her apartment door and then crosses the street to the apartment block across from her, to where Bucky lives. It's their new routine. Breakfast at the cafe down the street. She's happy. For the first time in a long time, she actually feels happy. She doesn't miss her old life as much when she is around Bucky. She can forget what a shit storm it was. Being around Bucky makes her happy. Despite how....weird he is. He's special. She just knows that. Unlike anyone she's ever met. Smarter than he lets on, funnier than he believes, warmer than he thinks he is. She sidesteps one of Bucky's neighbors as she enters the apartment block and then she's taking the stairs two at a time, even with her heels on she's nimble and agile. She pauses hearing Bucky's voice above her on his floor. She peers up to that level to see Bucky hugging a redhead. She knows that redhead. She works in the markets on her mother's flower stall. The redhead leaves, heading upwards to her own apartment. Bucky takes a deep breath sighing slightly before he looks down. His eyes meet Sydney. He smiles at her and raises his hand to wave at her, she cocks her head slightly watching him, he can't read her expression, she's shut down slightly. He frowns and lowers his hand. She narrows her eyes at him, as if trying to figure something out. He raises a shoulder in question. Her face shifts into a glare. His heart stutters. She knows. She has to. That's the only explanation to her reaction to him then. She knows who he is. She hates him now. He has to explain. He feels like he has to. He can't lose her. He actually likes having her around and he cannot bear the thought of her being afraid of him. If he has to explain everything to her to keep her around, then so be it. He walks down the stairs after her. She listens a moment before she decides that she can't do this. She heads off down the stairs away from him.

“Syd” he jogs to catch up with her, his metal hand grabbing her wrist, she sighs a little and turns to him. “What's wrong?” he asks her, she shakes her head pulling her hand free of him. She takes a deep breath crossing her arms over her chest.

“It's been three months since you asked to ask me out” she points out. “I was fine to wait, I was...” he frowns a little. “But...” she sighs. “You and that redhead from the market...” she admits and then shakes her head starting to leave again. It's not the Winter Soldier. She doesn't know about his past. This is good news. This is better. At least she's not afraid of him, ashamed of what he has done.

“Wait” he stops her. “That's it?” he asks her, she frowns at him.

“What do you mean that's it?” she argues. “Go to hell,” she tells him turning to walk away from him, Bucky grabs her wrist again.

“Syd” he starts softly. “Please let me explain” she lets out a harsh breath and turns to him. “Alina's a florist” he admits softly.

“I know that” she argues. “She has a stall at the market” he nods, she raises an eyebrow at him. He groans and hangs his head.

“I was having trouble picking out flowers” he whispers. “For you” he lifts his eyes to hers. “So...Alina offered to create something...”

“Really?” she asks him, still not believing him.

“It's been a while,” he tells her. “Since I've had to do this....” he rubs the back of his next as he starts to blush. “And I asked Alina for advice, and...well to thank her, I fixed the latch on her necklace,” he tells her. “Which was a gift....from her girlfriend” Sydney looks down suddenly embarrassed herself. “That's what she was doing at my apartment, she was picking up the necklace and dropping off the flowers”

“I'm sorry” she whispers. “I'm sorry” she repeats. “I'm such an idiot” she scolds herself and then steps away from him, he reaches for her hand but she is fast as she pulls it away. “I'm....not very good at trusting people” she admits with a deep sigh. “Maybe this whole thing was a bad idea,” she tells him. “I'm sorry, James,” she tells him, he gives her a sad smile before she walks away from him, heading down the stairs and escaping him. He tucks his hands in his pockets and sighs.

“You're an idiot” Alina states behind him, Bucky turns to her and frowns.

“What did I do?” He asks her.

“You let her walk away from you” she hits his flesh arm, he frowns at his arm and then looks to her. 

“Ow,” he complains a little, though it did not hurt him one little bit. “Why did you come back?” he asks her.

“I forgot” she answers and pulls something from the bag in her hand. “Here” she holds a single wrapped red rose towards him. “Use this to ask her out” he sighs taking it from her. “The other bouquet.....you give her on first date” he looks down at the flower. She sighs a little and shakes her head. “Go fix it” she pushes at him. “Now. Before it's too late” he lifts his eyes to her. “You like her, yes?” She asks him, he nods. “So what are you waiting for?” she counters softly.

“Thanks, Alina” he whispers giving her a small smile before heading down the stairs after Sydney.

Chapter Text

Bucky leaves the apartment and looks around for Sydney, she's already approaching her front door. He lets out a breath, she looks so lost, so upset, and it's his fault, a misunderstanding turning into a nightmare. He can't lose her, even as a friend. She's his only friend. His only source of human companionship in this country.

“You don't half move fast” he scolds jogging to catch up with her, he grabs her arm. “Syd” he scolds, she shakes him off and digs in her pockets for her keys. “Stop” he argues crowding her, Sydney backs up a little into the doorway to her apartment block, she takes a breath and looks away from him. “Syd” he scolds. “You are so stubborn” he grumbles. “Will you look at me?” he asks her, she looks to him, lifting her eyes to meet his. He holds up the rose between them and her eyes flicker to it. “Sydney” he starts softly, his eyes watch hers as they shift slightly. She softens. Warms a little. “Would you, please, go on a date with me?” he asks her, she sniffles slightly and lifts her eyes to his.

“What?” she asks him. “But I said...”

“I know what you said” he counters interrupting her. “And I'm ignoring it...Syd, we could leave this here, just be friends, but I like you” he tells her. “And I think you like me....” She nods a little as she plays with the zipper on his jacket. “And if you just want to be friends, then we can go back to that and forget this whole thing....” she shakes her head. “No, you don't want that?” he asks, she lifts her eyes to his. “So...is that a yes to the date?” he asks her, she nods and smiles at him. He wiggles the rose in front of her.

“No ones fought for me before” she whispers taking the rose. He brushes her hair back from her face, fingers grazing over her cheek. “You came after me”

“Of course I did” he assures her, she frowns at him. “You're my friend, I care about you....and you were upset” she hangs her head shielding herself with her hair.

“My family didn't” she whispers, he looks to her sadly. “When I left they didn't come looking for me” she admits.

“I'm sure that's not true” he counters, she lifts her eyes to his.

“They didn't” she assures him with a shrug. “I screwed up, and they didn't care”

“I care” he promises her softly. She leans into his chest. He kisses her head and keeps her close. She needs comfort right now. She clutches to the back of his jacket she nuzzles into his chest. “I'm here” he assures her. They are all each other has now. And whilst his history is messy and bloody, he doesn't have to be just that with Sydney. With her, he gets to simply be James, the maintenance man that formerly stalked her. And he needs her; he needs her presence to chase away his nightmares. She makes him feel more human than he's felt in years. He doesn't want to go back to being what he was without her in his life. He pulls back from her and searches her face as she strokes the petals of the rose.

“This is beautiful” she offers. “Will you thank Alina for me?” he nods.

“I will” he promises.

“We usually have breakfast” she starts. “And we kind of....”

“Yeah” he nods. “Do you still want to go to the cafe?” she shakes her head. “Want to order in?” he counters, she nods and smiles fishing her keys from her pocket before she turns and unlocks her apartment to step in, followed by Bucky who pulls her keys from the lock and closes the door behind him. She's already up the stairs when he turns to her. He smiles though. She's still here, still his friend, still wanting to pursue a relationship with him. He follows her up the stairs and into her apartment. He's struck by how bare it is. Still. He notices every time he's in here. No family photos. No photos at all. He shrugs out of his jacket as he glances around. Not a single one. He knows she and her family fell out and that's why she ended up here, alone but she doesn't talk about them at all. He looks around to Sydney as she sets two mugs on the counter, waiting for the coffee machine to do its thing. “Why did you fall out with your family?” he asks her, she stiffens, her hands pausing over the mugs before she turns away, moving to the coffee machine.

“It happens” she answers quietly, he sets his jacket on the back of the couch and moves into her kitchen area. She keeps her back to him, trying to end this line of conversation, she does it every single time he brings up her family, or when she accidentally mentions them. “Look” she sighs turning back to him. “I don't like talking about it. I don't even like thinking about it” he nods a little.

“That's okay” he assures her. “We don't have to talk about it” he takes a seat at the counter and watches as she sighs and nods.

“Okay,” she whispers and moves to the coffee machine as it finishes brewing.

“Want me to put a film on?” he asks her, she nods a little and pours them both a coffee. “Popcorn?” he whispers leaning over the counter, she looks back at him, he raises an eyebrow hopeful.

“What happened to the man who told me he didn't like popcorn?” she asks him, he shrugs.

“Hey, I'm a convert and you made a very compelling argument” he answers with a smile.

“Uh-huh,” she comments and grabs a jar of corn kernels from the cabinet. “You want the shakers or should I just surprise you?” she asks touching a row of herb shakers repurposed to hold a multitude of different popcorn toppings and flavorings. She likes popcorn. It helps curve her cravings for blood, plus she also has a specially made blood flavored topping, just for her.

“Surprise me” He answers. “Something new” he grabs the coffees and moves to her couch. Sydney taps her fingers on one of the shakers and smirks.

“Something new” she repeats and grabs it from the shelf.

…......

Sydney sets the bowl into Bucky's lap before she sits beside him, he passes over the remote and smiles at her as she leans against his side pulling her legs up onto the couch with her.

“What did you go with?” he asks looking down at the popcorn.

“In the spirit of breakfast,” she answers. “Bacon bits” he hums and nods.

“Alright, I'll try it....” she leans over the back of the couch and grabs a menu from her collection of take away menus and drops back into her seat. Bucky glances to her as she looks through their breakfast options whilst worrying her lip with her teeth.

“Stop staring” she grumbles with a smile. “It's creepy....” he looks away and to the tv as she presses play on the remote, but he can't stop smiling.

Chapter Text

Bucky doesn't wait on setting up his date with Sydney, his fear of chickening out and backing out. So the weekend after everything happened with Alina and the whole misunderstanding, he's standing at her door, the sun only just setting behind him. He adjusts his jacket before knocking on her apartment door. Sydney opens the door and smiles when she sees him there, he can't help but smile back at her.

“Hey” she greets, he holds out the flowers Alina had created and she smiles taking them from her.

“Hi” he greets back, she chuckles a little.

“They're beautiful,” she tells him touching the petals of the flowers. “Alina really outdid herself”

“She knew this was important” Bucky offers, she smiles wider and nods.

“Let me just put these upstairs and I'm all yours” she assures him before heading back into her apartment. Bucky takes a breath and looks around the street, it's pretty empty this time of night, a few revealers heading to the bars but not much more than that.

…..............

Bucky's hand holds Sydney's as they approach the host station in the restaurant, it's a little more high brow than he is used to, smells better than even his apartment. She's his anchor. His safest blanket to keep him calm in crowded places.

“Name?” The host asks of them.

“Campbell” Sydney offers as she tucks her arm into Bucky's, he smiles softly at her.

“For two?” The host asks, she nods. “This way” He offers as he holds out his hand for them to follow. 

“Go with him,” Sydney tells Bucky who snaps his head around to her.

“What?” he asks suddenly feeling panicked.

“I'll be right back” she assures him. “Little girl's room” she whispers and then walks away, Bucky takes a breath and follows the host towards their table. He's trying so hard to hide his nerves. This place is packed with people, strangers, and it makes his skin itch. But he's here because he is attempting to be a normal human being...with Sydney. With her, he can forget, well not forget, more like push back, his past, who he used to be. When he's with her, he's just...James. The host leaves him to the table, nestled at the back, lit by candles and a row of fairy lights on the wall giving it a soft light to it. Bucky shrugs out of his jacket, his long-sleeved shirt and glove covering his arm, he's still not comfortable enough to show it to her. It's probably the one thing he'll never be comfortable about, it also means a few things are off the table for them, things in which he will have to be naked for. He sits and takes a breath before letting it out, his eyes scanning over the room, checking exits, just in case. Then his eyes find Sydney as the host takes her coat, she smiles in thanks and then turns to Bucky, letting him have a better look at her outfit.

“Wow” Bucky whispers as he stands from his seat, Sydney weaves her way towards him, her deep red dress swirling with her as she moves. She smiles warmly at him, his heart all a flutter in his chest. She looks beautiful. Why didn't he make more of an effort? Right, cause he has no money to buy a decent shirt or suit or...anything really. He's lucky she assures him she'd pay tonight, as if that didn't make him feel back. Not being able to take his date out somewhere special. “You look...” he starts as she reaches him, her hands touching her dress slightly nervous. This is her first date in a long time so she's nervous as hell. “Amazing” he finishes softly.

“So do you” she assures him, he really does, he's showered, he's brushed his hair and pulled it back into a bun. Honestly, Alina and her girlfriend helped him. Leant him the shirt, the trousers, the shoes. Everything is so far out of his comfort zone. He takes a breath and holds out the chair for Sydney. She touches his arm softly before taking it, letting him be the gentleman he wants to be. When she's settled, he moves around the table to sit across from her.

…..........

Bucky and Sydney approach her apartment, holding hands, it's so normal, so human and Bucky loves it. He loves the simplicity of being around her, there is no pressure, no forced conversations. Just them and the Bucharest night sky. It's almost like it's a scene from one of those old black and white foreign romantic movies that Steve used to watch back in the '40s. And now Bucky's living it. All the times he teases Steve and he's just as bad now. Sydney pulls her keys from her pocket and takes a breath. The night is over. And neither of them wants it to be. Bucky turns to her.

“Thanks for tonight,” He tells her, she cocks her head a little to blink at him.

“You asked me out, remember?” she teases, he smiles and nods.

“I know but you...choose the place and paid so...I feel like you asked me out” he admits.

“Does it bother you that I paid?” she asks him, he shakes his head.

“No,” he assures her. “Of course not, if I had to pay we would have ended up at that bargain bakery” she laughs a little, he smiles and reaches up to brush her hair back from her face. “And that food was amazing” she nods.

“It really was” she agrees. “I love that place” she stares up at him. Expectant. He knows what usually comes at the end of a date, but he's much more nervous about this than the date itself. And it's not that he doesn't want to, he wants to kiss her, he really wants to kiss her. He wants to be normal with her. And normal includes kissing and...making love. He just wants to have something. But he can't when he keeps the truth from her, whilst he keeps his past from her. He wants to be honest but he knows it will drive her away from him.

“I really want to kiss you” he admits, she smiles a little. “But...Syd” he whispers sadly. “There are things you don't know...” She leans up and presses her lips to his. Bucky closes his eyes and kisses her back.

“Don't worry about it” she assures him as she pulls back. “I know all I need to know” she adds. He searches her eyes and then nods. She means that. She takes him as he is, right here, in front of him. He smiles softly and nods again. Surer now. He reaches up and cups her cheek before he kisses her this time. Lips warm against hers. And it's something else. The first one soft and fleeting but this one he pushes his emotions into. Shows her just how much she means to him. He crowds her a little, pressing her back against her door, her fingers clutching to his jacket. Neither is willing to stop, because it's been so long for both of them, and it's so good. Meaningful and new. “Don't want you to think I'm...that kind of girl” she whispers against his lips as she pushes him back a little, he smirks and shrugs knowing what she means. That kiss was going somewhere.

“I know you're not” he assures her as he nudges her nose with his. “And it's okay, I'm not ready for....” he clears his throat. “But I am...glad we had this date...it means a lot to me that I can...do this sort of thing”

“Yeah, I know” she agrees. “It's been a long time since I've done something so...human” he smiles and strokes her cheek. 

Chapter Text

Now he can. Now he knows what it's like. Bucky can barely stop himself from kissing Sydney. His flesh fingers cupping her jaw as his lips move with hers, Sydney's fingers clutch to the sleeve covering his metal arm. She doesn't seem to notice or care that it is unnatural under her hand. And as long as she doesn't notice it, he won't tell her. Despite their 6 month friendship he still can't bring himself to admit that he has a metal arm. Or that he's a former assassin for an evil Nazi organization. They are not really there in their relationship. If they ever will be. He tries to keep the PDA to a minimum, he really, really tries, but she can just be standing there smiling at him, and all he wants to do is kiss her, so he does. He literally has no self-restraint when it comes to Sydney. It's how most nights they find themselves on her couch, lips locked, movie forgotten, food forgotten. It's only been two weeks since their date, only two weeks and he feels like he's been with her forever. He wishes he'd met her in the '40s, wishes she'd been alive then, the life they could have had before the war. A real normal human life. His mood instantly sours thinking on his lost life, on what could have been...on what they did to him.

“What's wrong?” Sydney whispers sensing the shift in his mood, he shakes his head leaning away from her, settling back on his side of the couch. She watches him as she pushes herself up. “James?” he takes a breath and glances at her.

“Sorry” he apologizes sadly, she cocks her head in question.

“What are you sorry for?” she asks him softly, he reaches over and takes her hand before he pulls it to his lips. He closes his eyes and then pulls her hand back before opening them again.

“I was just thinking....”

“You are sorry for thinking?” she asks him, a small smirk working onto her lips, he shakes his head.

“No” he assures her. “Just....it's nothing” he gives her a smile but it doesn't reach his eyes, his head is always in a bad place when he gets like this, and he's been lucky it's never happened around Sydney before. She shifts, her eyes on him as she moves across the couch to lean into his side, he lets out a soft breath and wraps his arm around her shoulders, she nuzzles into his neck and then pulls back.

“You can talk to me” she assures him. “I would never tell a soul what you tell me” his eyes searching hers, he gives her a more meaningful smile this time and leans closer to kiss her softly.

“I know” he whispers. “But it's not something I am ready to talk about” he admits stroking her arm. “Not even with you, and for that...I am sorry”

“Why?” she asks him. “You don't have to tell me every single part of your life for me to like you, James, I already like you...” he snorts a little and nods. “I told you” she starts softly. “This person I see, right here, right now...he's all that matters” he leans closer and presses his forehead to hers.

“You're....unbelievable” he whispers fondly. “I don't deserve you” she pinches his ribs. “Ow!” he complains as he pulls back to rub his ribs. “What was that for?”

“Every time you're mean to yourself, I'm going to hurt you” she warns him, Bucky snorts a little, she raises an eyebrow and reaches for his ribs again, Bucky slinks off the couch out of reach.

“Hey” he scolds with a laugh, and then realizes that he's laughing, that his self-deprecating mood instantly vanished. He softens staring down at Sydney who leans up onto her knees to smile at him. “Thanks” he whispers, his hands coming up to clutch to her face. “You know just how to make me feel better” he admits softly, she shrugs a little.

“If all it takes is a pinch” she teases, he smiles and leans down to kiss her, her hands wrapping around his forearms as she pushes herself closer to him.

….............

Bucky sits on his bed, his metal fingers resting on his knee. He's been thinking about the day before, the way Sydney was with him, how accepting she seems to be. And she is the closest thing he has to a friend, more than a friend really. But he feels like he needs to give her more. To show that he trusts her as much as he does. Because he does. She is the only person he trusts. So he can do one thing. Show her one thing. Admit this one thing. He glances down at his metal hand and sighs. Better now than further down the road. He looks to his cell phone in his other hand, Sydney's number already ready on the screen. He presses dial as he stands, slipping the phone against his ear as he waits.

“Hey” Sydney greets and he can hear her moving around her apartment.

“Hey” he greets back, his voice warm, he can't help it when talking to her. “Do you want to come to mine for lunch?” Bucky asks moving to look out his window, eyes scanning over the people that pass by, despite the heavy rain they still come and go. “There is something I want to show you” he whispers sadly.

“Okay” Sydney answers him. “You don't sound entirely sure about that.....Are you...Are you sure?” she asks him sensing his hesitation.

“No” he admits. “But...I have to” he takes a breath. “I'll see you in a bit” he then hangs up, he doesn't want to prolong that conversation right now, he needs the time to work on his mind frame, he needs to work out how he is going to show his arm, to tell her about it without telling her everything. 

Chapter Text

Bucky takes a breath when Sydney knocks on his door. He stands from the couch, if that's what he can call it given that it seems to be falling apart from all angles. Each step he takes to the door feels like he's wearing lead boots. His hand on the door, he takes another breath before opening it. Sydney, of course, stands on the other side. And he swears she looks prettier today, possibly because he believes it could be the last time he sees her. Something inside of him pleading for him not to tell her about his arm. She smiles at him and he can't help but smile back.

“So I brought lunch,” She tells him as she walks past him and into the apartment, she's trying to hide her own nerves, there have been so Bucky closes the door and takes a deep breath. Dreading what is coming. He knows there is a higher chance of her throwing away their friendship when he tells her. He doesn't want to lose her. “I know you've told me you can't cook so I just....thought this was safer” she teases a little, he tries to smile back when she looks at him, but she can see it doesn't quite reach his eyes. She can feel his fear vibrating off of him from where she stands. He watches as she serves the takeaway food onto plates for them both. He fidgets. Unable to sit still. She sets the empty trays aside when finished. Bucky takes a deep breath and nods to himself. It's now or never.

“I have a metal arm” He admits. Sydney hums a little and grabs the plates of food.

“I wasn't sure how spicy you like your food, we haven't really ventured into that yet, so I went light and I figured we could change it next time” Bucky frowns at her.

“Syd” he states, she hums again. “Did you hear what I said?” he asks her, she cocks her head and sighs.

“Yes, I heard” she assures him. “Is that all you wanted to tell me?” he stares up at her, she holds out a plate of food and he numbly takes it from her.

“Why aren't you freaking out?” he asks, she lets out a small laugh and looks at him.

“James” she starts softly. “People have prosthetics” she assures him. “It's nothing to be ashamed of” she sits beside him, his eyes following her every move. “I am proud of you for telling me though” he smiles sadly. “I know it was a big deal for you” she pulls her leg under herself and glances at his face. “Truth be told” she starts. “I already knew” he frowns. “I've touched your arm, a lot, you didn't think I'd feel the difference?”

“Then...why didn't you say anything?”

“I figured you would tell me when you were ready” she answers warmly. “It wasn't for me to point out” he smiles softly at her.

“And you still wanted to be around me?” he asks, she nods. He sets the plate on the coffee table and turns to her as she pokes at her own food. “Syd” he breaths, she glances at him. He brushes his lips over hers, flesh fingers threading through her hair to hold her close to him. She kisses him back, his metal arm takes the plate from her lap and sets it aside allowing her to wrap her fingers around his arms. He pulls back a little and then kisses her quickly again before offering her a sad smile.

“Can I see it?” she asks, he clenches his metal fist on his knee. His eyes drift to the movement before he nods. She takes his metal hand and turns it palm up, her fingers pulling at the fingers of his gloves. He holds his breath, his eyes watching as she bares the metal to her eyes. He hates his arm. He hates how he got it. Why he got. He hates to look at it. To feel it hanging off the side of his body like dead weight. Heavy on his soul. She takes the metal hand and rests his palm against her cheek. He takes a breath. Nervous. He's been very careful not to touch her with this hand, not to taint her with it. “You were really worried about telling me?” he nods.

“I like you” he admits. “And I was scared” he looks down. “I thought you would...you would find out and...” she strokes his cheek.

“You thought that I would leave? You thought that I would do that to you?” she asks him softly.

“I don't know” he answers. “I just....” she shifts closer to him.

“James” she whispers, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he opens them again.

“You are my only friend here, Syd, and I care a great deal about you, I just didn't want you to...”

“Abandon you” she finishes, he nods and then nudges her nose with his.

“I should have told you”

“No, James, you didn't have to tell me anything” She assures him. “You don't owe me anything, I told you...” she smiles at him. “Who you are now, just this man here....” he searches her eyes. “That's all I need from you” he gives her a small smile. “I just need you” she whispers, he leans closer and kisses her softly.

“There are things that I should tell you” he whispers against her lips before pulling back. “Things about my past, about who I was, you should know...”

“Will it hurt us?” she asks him.

“Yes” he is sure of that, he knows that once he tells her everything, that is it. No more hiding. Everything he has done. Everything he is. Will be out in the open.

“Then I don't need to know” she argues with a shrug.

“Perhaps it is not something we should be hiding from, Syd” he whispers. “Maybe we both need to hear it, out loud” She takes a breath and turns to him.

“Is this something you need to say out loud?” she asks him. “Do you think it will make you feel better to....let it out?” Bucky thinks about that a moment. Maybe his issue isn't her finding out, maybe it is the fact that he'd have to voice it all. If he doesn't say it, he can forget it. But once she knows, he can't take it back. But she would know. This woman he trusts. His friend. Someone he is pretty sure he loves. Maybe part of him does want to tell her.

Chapter Text

Bucky decides that whilst he does want to tell Sydney everything, he won't. For now. He needs to be in a better headspace to do so, he needs to spend a little more time recovering first. She understands. She's actually a real trooper. Bucky doesn't deserve her or her affection. He's been writing what he can remember around it all when he does tell her. He glances to Sydney now, she sits on his balcony, legs swinging off the edge as she watches the sunset beyond the city. After he had admitted about his arm, after they enjoyed lunch, she'd stayed with him. Day in, day out, she is here or he is at hers. It hasn't changed what they are. He has become a little less self-conscious about his arm but that's all that's changed. She'd also told him about the scar on her leg. How she was attacked in London. Barely escaped with her life. He doesn't blame her for leaving that country after that. She stands and heads back into the room as Bucky opens two beers and drops onto the couch, she hums as she sits beside him, curling into his side, he smiles and hands her one of the bottle and she takes it from him.

“I have to go away this weekend” she admits, he pauses, his beer halfway to his lips. “I have some work to do in Niš” she admits, he lifts his eyes and glances at her.

“I could...go with you” she laughs a little and glances at him.

“No” she answers. “It's not interesting” she assures him. “I just turn up, deal with the pest, come home”

“That doesn't mean I can't come with you” he argues. “I could look around the city” she stares at him.

“I'm sorry, but no” he gives her a look. “I need to be able to concentrate” she admits. “And you're a huge beefy distraction” he smiles a little and looks down as he starts to blush.

“Okay,” he whispers and nods. “Okay,” he repeats as he looks at her. “I get it” he takes her hand and gives her a smile. She touches his chest and rests her head against his shoulder.

“It's not because I don't want you to come with me” she assures him. “And if it was for anything other than work”

“I know” he wraps an arm around her and kisses her head. “It really is okay, I'll be fine”

“You're not worried about it being Halloween on Saturday?” she asks him, he scoffs and shakes his head and then nods.

“It's strange” he admits. “And...I'm not looking forward to it” she sets her beer down and leans up onto her knees at his side.

“Just stay in and don't answer the door if it bothers you, or stay at mine” she offers. “No one bothers me.....it'll be quiet”

“And you do have the better tv” he agrees with her, she hums and leans closer, Bucky smirks as she kisses him.

“And I'll be back before you know it” she assures him, her fingers running through his hair. “They never take very long”

“Maybe when you come back” Bucky starts playing with the bottom of her shirt. “Maybe we can...” he struggles. He's been trying to ask her this for a few days now, but he seems to have some trouble with it. Now she knows about his arm, he wants them to be physical, it's reasonable for him to want to go there, but he's not sure what she wants, whether she wants to take their relationship there. She cocks her head waiting for him to finish his statement, but he's not sure how to ask it, should he just come out with it, should he be more tactful. He takes a deep breath. “You know how we haven't...” he starts and then stops again.

“Are you asking about sex?” she asks him softly, he nods and looks down. “Do you want to try?” he takes a breath and looks up at her.

“I want you to know that I am attracted to you” she smiles and nods.

“Yes, I know that” she assures him.

“Well...then yes, I would like for us to....progress” she touches his cheek and he smiles sadly at her. “I just...” he looks down. She touches his chest where his scars are, where the join of his arm is. She knows why they haven't. She assumed it had to do with his arm. And well, it seems she was right about him being nervous and self-conscious about it. “You're beautiful” he whispers. “And I....”

“Devilishly handsome?” she asks, he shakes his head. “I think you are” she admits. “I think you are the most beautiful man I've ever seen” she whispers, Bucky starts to blush. He's still awkward over compliments, even from Sydney. Even now. He still finds it hard to believe that he can be attractive, with his scars, with his history, with who he is.

“Syd” he whispers, intending to argue with her. She takes his flesh hand and presses it to her tattooed thigh, her scar under fingers.

“Do you think my scars make me any less attractive?” she asks him as he draws his fingers over her scar, he shakes his head. “Then why should yours....” he leans closer and kisses her, wrapping his arms around her back to hold her closer to him.

“I don't deserve you” he whispers against her lips. “But I am grateful for you”

“My mother used to tell me something” she starts as she pulls back. “Something I have tried to follow, something I think you need to hear”

“Oh?” he asks her.

“The first rule of truly living is to do the things you're most afraid of,” she answers, they share a look. He nods. Understands. And he has been afraid. But doing the things he has been afraid of doing, could make his life better. Happier. 

Chapter Text

The hunt Sydney was away for takes far less than she thought it would and by the Sunday she is on the road again. Heading back to Bucharest. Heading back to Bucky. Despite her head being elsewhere for the whole trip she managed to get it done without injury, to herself, to others, this one was a win in her book. A simple salt 'n' burn. She's an old pro at them now. She can't wait to get back. That promise of things progressing in her relationship with Bucky driving her forward. She's thought about it a lot, not just this weekend but since they started their relationship. He's a very attractive man and yeah, she wanted to go there. Anyone in their right mind would. But she knew he wasn't ready, she was waiting for him. And he's told her, he's ready, this is happening. She is nervous too, this is the first man in a long time she's been with where feelings are involved. In fact, the last man she felt this way for got her pregnant and then she left her family. She lost everything because of her feelings. But it's not like she has anything to lose this time around. No family. No friends. She has nothing to lose by letting herself love this man that so clearly, at the least, enjoys her company.

…..........

Bucky sets the bags of shopping down on the counter and nods to himself. Sydney had texted him that morning telling him she was on her way home. And that's at least 6 hours on a good day. He had time to come up with a plan. Yes, it's Halloween, but Sydney will be home tonight and he wants to do something to distract himself from all the costumes and masks outside. To distract him from his paranoia. So after he got the text, his mind started rolling on what to do. And he was brave about it. Just like Sydney said. 'The first rule of truly living is to do the things you're most afraid of'. And he is afraid of going outside and being human. Being normal. He went to the store, the market and the clothes store. He's going to cook dinner. He is going to attempt to cook dinner anyway. He even bought a cookbook to make sure he gets it right. He takes a breath and looks around Sydney's kitchen. He can do this. The hard part is out of the way, the rest should be easy.

…...........

Sydney looks around her apartment when she arrives back. She wasn't really expecting anything, at all, maybe Bucky curled up on her couch but not this. There are lit candles around the room. Fairy lights. Bucky is in the kitchen, cooking. And she knows he doesn't cook. Probably why he seems to be so invested in the cookbook on the counter. She smiles watching his lips move as he reads. He's adorable. And such a welcome home gift. It's been so long since she had someone waiting for her. And she likes it.

“James?” she asks, he looks up at her.

“You're back” he states, a little disappointed.

“Yes,” she draws out sensing his tone. “Expecting someone else?”

“No” he assures her. “I just...I was hoping to have this finished by the time you got back and...then I could see your face when you saw what I did” She motions behind her.

“I can go out and come back in” she offers, he shakes his head and moves closer to her.

“No, no.....” he quickly tells her. “I....I've missed you” he admits reaching her, he leans closer and kisses her softly before pulling back. Sydney reaches up and touches Bucky's hair, pulling her fingers through the locks with a smirk.

“Is there a reason for the flour in your hair?” she asks him.

“I made a pie” he admits. “Like from scratch”

“You made a pie?” she asks him, he nods.

“Yeah, I mean....all this” he looks around. “It was....terrifying”

“Being romantic scared you?” she asks as she sets her bag down by her feet. Bucky snorts a little.

“No” he answers, she smirks at him. “But doing the shopping to be romantic scared me” he admits, she softens as she looks at him. “And I went out and I shopped and...I hated every moment of it”

“James” she whispers.

“But I did it” he stops her. “I got dressed and I walked down the street and I went into the market.....For you”, he whispers warmly. “I can do it for you. I wanted to do it for you” he assures her. “Because being scared was nothing compared to how excited I was” he kisses her again, she wraps her arms around his neck and smiles against his lips. “Or how much I care about you” he adds when he pulls back.

“I'm proud of you,” she tells him as her fingers touch his cheek, he smiles warmly at her, proud of himself too. “You know you didn't have to do this...”

“I know” he assures her. “I wanted to.” she touches his face and smiles at him, touched that he wanted to do this for her.

“Do you know how long it's been since I've had someone waiting for me at home?” she asks him sadly. “Someone happy to see me” he nudges her nose with his and smiles back at her. “Show me what you're making,” she asks of him, he nods and threads his fingers with hers before he leads her into her kitchen.

Chapter Text

Sydney lets out a breath as she sets her knife and fork down, Bucky outdid himself. The food was good, amazing even, for someone that doesn't cook, at all. And he smiled the whole time. She loves it when he smiles, when he lets himself be in the moment instead of letting himself be eaten up by whatever he hasn't told her. He just let himself enjoy it all. And he enjoyed being James with her, for dinner, for her. He loves being around her. He loves her. He knows he does. Even before sex, he knows that she is the one woman who he trusts above all, and always will.

"I think I did alright for someone that can't cook" Bucky teases grabbing the empty plates from the table, Sydney chuckles and watches him.

"It was delicious" she assures him as she leans back in her seat. "Thank you" he smiles and kisses her head as he passes her.

"You're welcome" he comments setting the plates on the counter and then moves back to her. He touches her shoulder and strokes her neck, she smiles and leans into his touch. "Come sit with me" he whispers to her as he moves his hand to hold it out to her. She takes a breath and sets her hand into his, he helps her up out of her seat. She leans closer to him, hugging his arm. She likes this side of him. The attentive side. She knows he has it in him, she's seen it in him plenty of times. But at this level, it's nice. Bucky glances down at her and kisses her head, breathing her in. She always smells so good. He releases her and turns to walk back before he drops onto the couch, he lets out a breath, Sydney smiles softly at him, he peers up at her and smirks patting his knee, she chuckles and then sobers slightly. "What?" he asks noting her shifting expression.

"I know what you said before I left" she comments. "But...you know we don't have to do anything" she adds as she sits in his lap, his arm wrapping around her. "There's no rush"

"I feel like I've waited long enough for you" he admits as she slides off his lap to his side, her legs remain slung over his knee. He sets a hand on her knee and squeezes softly. "And I went to all this effort" he teases as he looks around the room, she chuckles and nods.

"You did" she agrees.

"Unless...you don't...want to" he adds, she leans closer to him.

"I do want to" She assures him. "I really, really like you" she brushes her fingers over his arm. She searches his eyes before nodding. She pulls herself back into his lap, lips moving against one another. He places his hand on her waist and clutches to the fabric of her dress.

"Are you sure?" he asks her, his self-consciousness creeping back in.

"Yeah" she assures him, he nods a little, his flesh hand sliding his hand along her thigh, her breath hitches slightly and she shoots him a look, he smirks at her and brushes his hand higher. Feeling the warmth of her flesh beneath. How long has it been since he touched a woman like this? He doesn't even remember. She nudges his nose and then pulls back a little. She keeps her eyes with his as her fingers pull up his shirt, he helps her take it off. Her eyes find his arm. She assumed this would look as most other prosthetics do, the little stump sort of thing, but this is fused to his body. She raises her hand, presses her fingers to the raised flesh.

"James" she states sadly, he closes his eyes and turns his head away from her. "Does it hurt?" She asks him.

"Some times" he answers quietly. "Usually on a morning"

"Does it hurt when I touch it?" he lifts his eyes to her and shakes his head.

"No" he assures her. "It's okay" he adds with a small smile, his flesh hand reaching up to brush her hair back from her neck. She taps his shoulder scars.

"Is this part of the whole....thing you want to tell me about one day?" he nods. She hums a little and draws her hand around his neck, fingers threading through his hair. "One day" she repeats and he glances at her.

"One day" he agrees. "Just...not today" she pulls him closer and kisses him. He hums happily against her lips. He's a little more sure of himself now. She's seen the arm. The shoulder. And yet, she is still here. He feels a little better, a little stronger about himself. About what they have. If she can look at his arm and not run away screaming, he knows she is something special. More so than before. His arm wraps around her back and he lays her down flat on the couch, he leans over her, metal fingers brushing softly over her cheek as she stares up at him. He likes touching her with his metal hand, it shows him that it isn't just a force for destruction, that he can use it and be gentle. He can use it for love. For affection. For something softer. She bites her lip and reaches for his belt, but he grabs her wrist and stops her, she raises an eyebrow as he sets her hand beside her head. "No rush" he repeats her words from before. "This...." he stops and takes a breath as he releases her hand. "You are special to me, so I am going to take my time" He grabs the bottom of her dress and eases it up her body and over her head. He stares down at her, because he wasn't expecting the scars on her. He knows she has the one on her leg, he just kind of assumed that was it. But she's littered in them. His fingers trace some form of claw mark on her ribs. There are loads of smaller marks and scars but this is the worst after her leg.

"We both have our secrets" she whispers, he searches her eyes. He can't fault her on keeping her secrets when he does the same thing. They both came to Bucharest to escape from something, and both keep those reasons close to their chests. He nods a little. He takes a breath and leans closer to her, brushes his lips over hers. Letting her know it's okay for her to keep hers. They'll both tell when they feel ready, and not before.

Chapter Text

Sydney wakes to Bucky's fingers on her bare stomach, softly drawing patterns into her skin. He's smiling at his fingers. He was brave enough to go this far with Sydney. That he let go and enjoyed himself. Oh, boy, he really enjoyed himself. He made love, for the first time in however long. But he's worried, not more than ever about her. They are close. And she could be used against him. A tool to get to him. And he knows it would work. He would do anything to keep her safe and alive. She reaches up and brushes her hair back, alerting him to her awareness. She takes a deep breath and looks at him. He smiles softly at her, but there is a sadness to his eyes.

“I think you should learn some self-defense” he comments, blurts it out really, he cringes and shakes his head. He should have started with 'good morning' or he should have told her how beautiful she looks in the morning. She cocks her head, fights a smirk because, well, she is very capable of looking out for herself.

“Any particular reason for me to do so?” she asks him. He shrugs and leans closer to kiss her.

“I just want you to be safe” he answers between kisses.

“You don't have to worry” she assures him, he hums displeased with her answer. “I'm not being flippant” she counters leaning up a little. “I know how to fight” she admits. “And I fight well” he sighs.

“I'm not talking about girl fighting” She glares at him a little.

“Are you serious?” she asks him, he shakes his head.

“I didn't mean it like that” he assures her. “I just mean....”

“Look” she starts sitting up, interrupting him. “My dad raised me to fight, okay?” she asks him. “I can use a gun, I can swing a machete, I can throw a punch” he raises an eyebrow.

“Your dad taught you how to use a gun?” he asks her, she nods.

“Yeah, since I was....small, I barely remember a time I couldn't use one” she admits, he touches her shoulder. “Dad liked to now his kids could protect themselves from the horrors in this world” she adds, he strokes her cheek and gives her a sad smile. “So guns, knives, kicks, punches, yeah, I know how to use them to my advantage”

“Okay” he climbs out of her bed and pulls on his trousers before turning back to her. “Show me how to punch” he offers, she sighs and shoots him an annoyed look. “Please, indulge me” he whispers, she nods and climbs out of bed, grabbing her dressing robe from the back of her chair and pulls it on before moving closer to him. He motions with his fingers for her to give him her best shot, she sighs and shakes her head. “Come on” he pushes her. She glances back at him and then she punches him, straight in the nose. There is a crunch and he cries out a little, his head snapping back. Sydney covers her mouth and gasps, upset with herself, she knows she's hurt him.

“James?” she asks. “I'm so sorry, I didn't...I didn't mean to hit you that hard”

“That was good” he answers as he smiles a little, proud of her, blood streaming from his nose. “I wasn't expecting that sort of strength...” he touches his nose and cringes. “Teach me to doubt a dame” he mumbles to himself. Sydney takes a step back from him and turns her back just as veins creep up under her eyes.

“No, no, no” she pleads with herself. She can't lose control. Not here. Not with him. Bucky pulls his hands back as he peers into her mirror.

“Oh! Would you look at that. That is not pretty.” He comments before reaching back to his nose. He notes Sydney's stiff shoulders, her frame turned away from him. “Are you okay?” he asks her.

“You should go, take care of that” she comments closing her eyes.

“Really, it's nothing” He assures her. “I'll be fine in a minute” he uses his fingers to pop his nose back into place before turning back to her. “Syd?” he asks her. “I'm okay” he offers. “You have a thing about blood?” he asks. “I can clean it up” he turns looking for something to clean his face up. “I mean, we all have things we're...freaked out by” Sydney looks down sadly knowing it's more than a freakout, because right now, she wants to eat him. She was doing so well. She hasn't touched a human in since she was turned. When she realized what she was she made a vow not to take from a human, that she would sate her hunger any other way. And she has done. But now, now that he is bleeding in her bedroom she wants nothing more than to tear into his throat and drain him. Bucky moves closer to her and she whimpers feeling him nearing her. “Syd” he states and touches her shoulder, she turns to him, the veins gone from her face. “I'm okay” he assures her as he wraps his arms around her, holding her close to his chest. “I promise” he hates that she's this upset for hurting him, for breaking his nose, but he knows it's not the worst thing that's ever been done to him, and he knows she didn't mean to. And he knows that she can throw a good punch. He will keep pushing for more training but for now, he can relax knowing she can protect herself a little. Sydney clutches to him, her hand tight on his back. She can't hurt him. Ever. She needs to keep a lid on her monster side. She can never expose him to that side of her. 

Chapter Text

Bucky glances up from the couch as Sydney joins him, she's holding an ice pack in her hand and she gives him a look before she presses the ice pack to his nose and he rolls his eyes fondly, knows that it is no longer needed, but she needs to take care of him. He can see the guilt in her eyes. The upset threatening to spill over. He strokes her arm softly, soothing her.

“I shouldn't have asked you to punch me” he comments, she hums in agreement. “I'm sorry” she sighs and relaxes a little before shaking her head.

“No” she argues. “No, I understand why you would....worry about me” he gives her a sad smile. “The world is an awful place” she comments, he nods in agreement. “But I can take care of myself, I have been doing it for a very long time” he nudges her nose and nods, understanding.

“Okay,” he whispers and kisses her cheek. He pulls the blanket off the back of the couch and wraps it around them both, letting Sydney snuggles into his chest. She feels a little better about what happened, not great, but better. Her fingers dance over his nose, checking. It has healed. Remarkably fast. Not as fast as she heals but not far off it. She frowns a little, confused by that. She knows they each have their secrets. Maybe this is one of his. Maybe he's just like her. Running from the monster that's inside. Wanting something normal. Bucky brushes her hair back from her face and smiles softly at her. Her eyes soften and she nods a little leaning closer to kiss him. She can understand that motivation. It is the same reason she is here. He hums happily against her lips and holds her close to him. “I just...I care a great deal about you” he admits. “And the thought of something happening to you.....I can't even...think about it” he kisses her head, breathing her in. She smells like him, in a good way, he's started smelling like her too, her perfume has been lingering on his clothing, just like he has started lingering on hers. He's kind of proud of it, like he's scent marking her subconsciously. “But knowing how to punch...”

“James” she stops him as she sits up. “If it eases your mind, we can find a gun range, I'll show you I know how to shoot, we can find a gym, and I'll show you that I can defend myself, whatever it takes for you to realize that I am more than capable of protecting myself if anything were to happen” he holds to her tighter, he hates the idea that anything might ever happen to her, but he is trying to be realistic, he is who he is, and there will always be a risk, someone finding him, someone using her to hurt him. He kisses her head and lets out a breath.

“That was the first time you ever mentioned your dad” Bucky admits, Sydney sighs and turns to face him.

“You know that...” he nods.

“I know” he assures her, interrupting her, because he does know, she doesn't talk about her family, she doesn't want to talk about her family. “You don't talk about them” he adds and gives her a small smile. “I was just pointing out that you've never mentioned him before” she worries her lip and then sits with him.

“We fought” she admits. “The last time we spoke, we.....he tried to be...controlling, and I fought back against it...”

“Is that why you left?” he asks her, she shrugs a little.

“It was part of it” she answers as he sets his arm over the back of the couch, his fingers brushing against her shoulder. “I'd had enough” she looks up at him, she clears her throat. “He” she stops and looks away, Bucky's face falls as his mind goes to some very, very dark places. The reason a daughter would run so far from their father. There is only one thing that he can think of.

“Did he....hurt you?” Bucky asks her, his voice hard and angry. “Touch you?” he asks her, she snaps her head around.

“No” she is quick to tell him. “No, hell no, nothing like that” she assures him softly and then closes her eyes. “Okay,” she gives in a little and takes a deep breath. “I was 21” she starts. “And I...met this guy, we'd been dating for a few months, and” she lets out a breath. “We wanted to run away together, to start a life, get married....my dad he was very...insistent that I...” she shrugs. “He didn't agree, so he told me to end it, to stay, to never see him again”

“Syd” Bucky whispers.

“So I ran away with him” She continues. “That's....how I ended up on my own, we didn't work out, and I...couldn't go home, so I just....kept on running” he strokes her hair.

“I'm so sorry” he offers, she frowns. “Falling in love, it is a dangerous business”

“The fall isn't the hard part” she counters lifting her eyes to meet his. “It's the getting up when it's over that is”

“I promise you” he starts. “If I can prevent it, I am not going anywhere” he assures her. “You are the first woman I have met that makes me feel....alive, and....” she smirks a little.

“Human?” she asks him, he nods and smiles.

“Human” he agrees and leans closer, his lips brush over hers before pulling back. “I'm sure he still loves you” he offers. “Your dad, he's programmed to love you no matter what”

“It's not about him” she counters. “Not...not why I didn't go back, I...was embarrassed, humiliated, angry.....I didn't want to crawl back to that” she shakes her head and looks down. “I...so wanted to stay strong and independent”

“I understand” he whispers wrapping an arm around her. “You were growin' up, branching out, I....” he snorts a little, parts of his memories from himself at that age flashing through his mind, he knows, sort of, what he was like at that age. He fell in and out of love like he was changing his underwear, every girl he met he thought he was going to marry, every girl was the one. The irony is that now, now is the time he meets the girl that is more than likely his one. “Was the same” he assures her. “Everyone goes through that phase at some point” he nuzzles into her cheek before he pulls back. “Shall we go out for breakfast?” he asks her softly. “Maybe visit that bakery stall and get some of those bagels?”

Chapter Text

Bucky doesn't get up just yet, he can hear Sydney softly singing as she moves through her apartment, it's not very often either of them are feeling all that jolly first thing on a morning, Bucky is usually the first awake and he hides out in the shower until he's calmed down, Sydney is usually cranky until she has had her first coffee. They are not morning people. But this morning, something is different. Bucky feels calmer, lighter and Sydney is singing. It's Christmas. Their first together as a couple. His first since....the 1940s. And he's excited about it, about spending it with her. He even got her a gift. Just a small thing. He knows she wears a charm bracelet, she never takes it off, so Bucky got her another charm to hang onto it. A red star. Just something to show a connection to him. It's cheap, he doesn't have the money to get anything expensive, but he saved some cash from his paycheque from the building manager, he doesn't get much once rent and utilities are taken out but he made do, plus he's been eating at Sydney's a lot so he saves money on food from eating hers. He stretches and then cringes, his flesh hand reaching up for the scars on his other. Every morning. He groans as he presses his fingers in trying to alleviate the ache. He'd almost forgotten about it. Almost. It's always there, at the back of his mind, but this morning it wasn't the first thing he'd thought of. s

"Morning" Sydney states, Bucky turns his head to look at her, he pauses and then starts laughing. She chuckles back and bounces where she stands which causes her outfit to dingle. She's wearing a sweater dress that's covered in bells. "What?" she asks him innocently. "What's so funny?" she bounces again which just makes her jingle again. Bucky laughs harder.

"Stop" he states. "I need to pee" he scolds her as he clutches his stomach, she jumps onto the bed and smiles down at him. He smiles back up at her. She's so beautiful. He doesn't deserve someone so...pretty. "What are you doing up?" he asks her, she shrugs a little.

"I know I've been away a lot recently" she offers. "And things were forgotten" he frowns at her.

"What things?" he asks her, she cocks her head and smirks before chuckling.

"Christmas, silly" she answers. "I hadn't decorated, I'd forgotten actually...."

"That's okay" he assures her.

"No it's not" she stops him. "I haven't wanted to celebrate Christmas since...." she lets out a breath and shrugs. "Since...I was a kid, but I wanted to this year, because of you, because I have you, and well...I had this plan, it was going to be the best Christmas ever" he smiles softly. "But then I had that job and I ran out of time" she shakes her head. "I got up early to fix it" she leans down and kisses him before jumping back up. "Now hurry up...it's magical" she bounces out the room, her dress jingling as she goes, Bucky chuckles softly and then remembers he has to pee.

............

When Sydney said magical, this wasn't what Bucky expected. She clearly didn't have time to go out and buy decorations but she's tried to make them herself. There are loose bits of glitter all over the floor and the kitchen counters, paper chains and the fairy lights from Halloween strung up. Bucky smiles, because to him....it is magical. She went to all this trouble to make this day nice, for them. Their first real holiday as a couple. He is in love with her. This just makes him realize how much. That even something as simple as paper chains makes his heart swell. Because of her. Bucky looks down at his hand that holds a small box, he hasn't gift wrapped it, he didn't think it was something he would do, all that bright paper, and ribbons and stuff, it isn't him. Sydney falls onto the couch with a sigh and a smile, she sets her feet up onto the coffee table and smiles across at him.

"It looks great in here" he offers as he approaches her.

"I know it's not, you know...." she shrugs a little.

"It's perfect" he assures her and then holds out the box to her. "I...got you a little something" Bucky admits, his fingers clutching to the small box in his hand, Sydney raises an eyebrow as he sits next to her, he clears his throat and holds out the box, setting it into her palm. "Open it" he pushes her hand back towards her and she lowers her eyes to the box before pulling the lid off, she lets out a soft breath and smiles.

"Oh, James" she whispers fondly drawing her finger over the star charm sitting in the box. "It's beautiful" she lifts her eyes to his, he smiles at her. "But you didn't have to get me anything" she assures him. "We've only been together a short time I wasn't expecting anything" he sits next to her and touches her arm softly.

"I know" he offers. "But.." he brushes her hair back from her face. "You mean so much to me" he adds. "And I will buy you a star every year just so you always know that" she smiles sadly, her eyes misting slightly at the sentiment, it's been a long time since anyone has been as kind as he is to her. She understands the underlying comment to that statement too. He intends to be with her for as long as he can. And he does intend on keeping her. Forever if he can. "Here," he states reaching for the box. "Can I?" she nods and holds out her hand and he takes it pulling it closer so he can attach the new charm to her bracelet, his fingers grazing over the others charms, he knows they are a little strange but it works for her. He kisses her wrist and smiles at her before releasing her. She touches the bracelet and leans closer to kiss him, Bucky hums happily against her lips.

"Thank you" she whispers when she pulls back. She appears thoughtful and then pats his chest before she stands from the couch and turns to face him as she walks backward away from him.

"Well I didn't get you a gift" she admits and lifts a floorboard under her feet before she pulls a box from it. "But...I can give you something"

"You don't need to give me anything, Syd, just...Just being with me is enough" He assures her, she waves him off as she digs in the box for something specific before standing and walking back to him.

"Here" she sits at his side and holds up the dried four-leaf clover. "I found this when I was..." She shrugs. "Oh, who remembers" she offers. "To be honest, it's never brought me any luck" she admits. "In fact, I could blame it for all the bad luck in my life" he raises an eyebrow as she holds it out to him. "Maybe you will do better with it" Bucky takes it from her and smiles softly. Even though it isn't planned, it is still a thoughtful gift. It is something that she thought important enough to keep, something that she has now given to him. He actually kind of loves it. She snuggles into his side and he smiles leaning closer to kiss her head. "Maybe we can find someone to put it into a keyring" she offers, he hums a little.

"I don't have any keys" he reminds her, she chuckles a little and looks up at him. He raises an eyebrow noticing the look in her eyes. "What?"

"Maybe I can give you a permanent key to this place" she answers him, his lips twitch into a smile. "So...." she shrugs a little. "Just..." he touches her cheek and she glances at him.

"It is a hell of a lot better than my place" he offers, she raises an eyebrow and then smirks before she bounces up onto her knees at his side.

"So...move in with me," she tells him, he frowns a little and then pulls back to stare up at her.

"What?" he asks her.

"You heard me.....you hate your apartment, you like my apartment...." he touches her waist. "I have the good tv" he nods in agreement.

"And the good shower" he adds, he does love her shower, it actually works, and doesn't spit water out like his does, every time he takes a shower he feels as though he is being attacked by it. "Comfy bed...hole-free couch...fridge that actually keeps food chilled" he lists with a smirk.

"So?" She asks him with a raised eyebrow. He bites his lip. Living with Sydney would make life easier, she does have all the better apartment. She looks after him. She makes him happy. Chases away the demons in his mind. It makes him forget that he's a bad person who's done terrible things. With her, he is James, a cute former stalker that wanted a friend and found love instead. It would happen eventually, he knows this. It just makes sense now. He'll recover faster surrounded by good things. Her apartment and Sydney are good for him.

"Okay" he answers with a nod. "Yeah, okay" he adds more firmly, more excited about this. He knows it will be hard, they're both still hiding things from one another, and living together will make them things harder to hide, but he wants to do this. She climbs into his lap and wraps her arms around his neck. He kisses her jaw and smiles.

"Guess we're really a couple now" she teases as leans closer, he kisses her and runs his hand over her thigh, fingers pressing in as he holds to her.

"Merry Christmas to me" He teases as he pulls her closer to him, she chuckles and kisses him again.

Chapter Text

It doesn't take long for Bucky to pack up what he has. His whole life literally fits in one bag. That is his life. But now he has Sydney. He has a real life. And he is terrified of losing her and this life. This normality. He drops Sydney's spare key onto the table at the top of the stairs and looks around for her. She's in her...their room tidying her draws, making space for him. He smiles softly leaning in the doorway to watch her as she moves around. Her dressing robe swishing around her thighs. She's beautiful in this light. The sun setting out the window. Her hair all pulled up but lose, falling out of the hair tie. And he is going to get to see this every single day. She turns and smiles broadly at him. He pushes up and walks closer to her.

“I emptied a couple of draws” She offers as he sets his bag down onto her...their bed. “I didn't know how much space you would need” he places his hand on the small of her back and then curls it around her pulling her to his chest, he nuzzles into her neck and smiles.

“Thank you” he offers and pulls back. She turns to face him. “But you sure about this?” he asks wrapping his arms around her waist to tug her closer. “You can still change your mind”

“Why would I do that?” She counters cocking her head, her fingers threading through his hair. “I got you now” she teases, he laughs and nudges her nose.

“Your own personal live-in rent boy, huh?” he teases.

“Oh, implying I'm paying you for the mind-blowing sex” she counters, he kisses her and chuckles against her lips.

“I'd do it for free” he sets his hand on her ass and squeezes, she laughs and playfully swats at his hand. “So...Mind blowing?” he asks as he pulls back. She shrugs a little and smirks. He raises an eyebrow and then walks them both back until her legs hit the end of the bed. She raises an eyebrow at him, he smirks and nudges her backward, she falls back onto the bed with a chuckle. He climbs up, hovering over her, he threads his fingers with hers and places them over her head. “I've never been this happy” He admits as he stares down at her, her features soften. “You make me this happy” he adds, his fingers stroking her cheek. He gives her a sad smile, because how sad is that statement. That he can't ever remember being this happy before. But she knows how he feels, she's believed she's been happy in the past, with her family, with her former lover, when she was pregnant, but it's never felt like this. She is happy now. True happy. He kisses along her jaw and nuzzles into her neck, she wraps her arms around his neck as a few tears drop from his eyes to her neck. Their not sad, not really, he's happy, and that makes him sad sometimes, that this was never in his life before Hydra, that he had to go through everything he has been through to get to this moment, to get to her. And he cries because he would go through all of that pain, all of it again....just to be with her. Because she makes him happy. And this sort of happy, he would kill and die for.

“It's okay” she whispers softly as she strokes his hair. “It's okay to be sad” he lifts his head and shakes his head.

“I'm not” he assures her. “I'm not sad....” he kisses her cheek. “It just....hit me” he lays next to her. “What we have” she raises an eyebrow and he shakes his head. He can't explain it without having to explain his entire life to her. He can't explain that being with her is more than he could have hoped for when he fled Hydra. That even with Hydra, someone like her being in his life wasn't even a thought in his brainwashed mind. He kisses her head and then sits up. His eyes finding his bag at the end of the bed, he shifts his eyes to the empty draw and smiles. This is actually happening. Normality. Her hand finds his back as she sits up, her lips pressing to his shoulder, he takes a deep breath and then looks down at her, she smiles up at him. He smiles back, he can't help it, every time she smiles at him it is like he has this subconscious reaction to her, his body tingles, his heart speeds up, his face stretches into a smile, and all bad thoughts vanish from his head. It's too soon for those three words. I love you. But he knows he does. He nudges her nose and holds her closer to him. “Let me unpack,” he tells her warmly. “Then we can sit in front of the tv with those cookies” she smiles and nods. He kisses her forehead and then stands to get settled in his new home.

…...........

Bucky stands at the cooker, soft jazz music playing from the radio. He woke up in a good mood. No nightmares. No bad thoughts. Even the pain in his arm was numb this morning. So he decided to cook breakfast for his girlfriend. His girlfriend. It's only now starting to sink in, well it was only last night when it started to sink in. That that is what Sydney is to him. That this is actually happening. He is mending and moving on from the past. And the longer they are here, together, undisturbed, the more he can believe that. Sydney wraps her arms around him from behind and kisses his back. Bucky chuckles softly but continues cooking. He's been cooking for her more after his successful attempt in October. He actually enjoys it.

“I could get used to this” she admits as she nuzzles into his skin. He touches her arm around him and stops her from pulling away.

“Me too” he adds quietly, she hums happily and then pulls away, this time he allows her. She moves to the coffee machine just as it beeps away. Bucky's eyes follow her, he can't stop smiling. He doesn't want to stop smiling.

Chapter Text

Alina and her girlfriend, Mihaela are throwing a New Year's party and Bucky has agreed to go, reluctantly. It's a party, meaning there will be a large number of people there, meaning a higher risk that someone will recognize him. But Alina is his friend. Sydney is his girlfriend. And he is attempting, to the best of his ability, to live a normal life. And normal people go to parties held by their friends for important holidays. He takes a breath and glances at Sydney sat on the end of their bed.

“We don't have to go to the street party” Sydney assures him as she pulls on her heeled boots. “Just spend a couple of hours with our friends” Bucky pulls a leather jacket on and crouches in front of where she sits.

“If you want to go to the street event...I'm not going to stop you” he offers, she lowers her foot and cups his face.

“I'm seeing the new year in with you” she promises him. “If that means that we do it curled up in bed, then so be it, as long as we are together” he smiles at her and leans closer to kiss her before standing and helping her to her feet. “Plus...I would feel weird invading on their traditions, I know Alina invited us, but...it's their culture, I would feel...out of place” she picks up a glove and holds it out to him, he takes it and kisses her head before pulling it on over his metal hand. “As soon as you feel like you can't do it anymore” She starts. “We'll leave” he strokes her cheek and nods.

“Come on” he takes her hand. “We're going to be late” he kisses the back of her hand.

…............

Sydney knocks on the door in front of her and Bucky, his hand holding to hers tightly. He knows that these are their friends and they're not going to hurt them but his paranoid mind is hitting out at the prospect of strangers. Sydney looks up at him and squeezes his hand.

“You're okay” she assures him. “Nothing is going to happen” he releases her hand and wraps his arm around her to pull her closer, he kisses her head and takes a deep breath. The door swings open, Bucky stiffens before he realizes that it's Alina who's smiling at them. Sydney waves at the girl who waves back and then hugs Sydney, Sydney chuckles and lifts Alina up a little and then sets her down again.

“You came,” Alina tells them both when Sydney pulls back.

“Syd persuaded me” Bucky admits.

“I wasn't sure you would” Alina points out. She had asked them to come but Bucky is more reclusive than Sydney, he doesn't like public appearances unless to the cafe down the street, or the market. Alina and Mihaela have been going around to theirs more than them coming around to their apartment, they understand that everyone has something they are hiding from. Mihaela moved to Bucharest to escape incredibly prejudiced parents who tried to force her straight. Alina's mother moved to Bucharest with Alina to escape an abusive husband. They all have something. Bucharest is their second chance. They might not know why Sydney and Bucky are here, what they are running from, but they understand the need to escape.

“The first rule of truly living is to do the things you're most afraid of,” Bucky repeats Sydney's words, she smiles. “I'm trying” He adds.

“Let's get you a drink,” Mihaela tells Bucky and practically drags him into the apartment, he looks at Sydney who smiles and gives him a look to try harder, Bucky pouts at her to help him.

…..........

Bucky grabs Sydney's waist as he manages to make his way back to her, she chuckles and leans back into his chest.

“Finally” he grumbles kissing her neck before handing her the beer in his hand. He doesn't drink, but he knows she enjoys the odd bottle. Plus she likes the stuff Mihaela gets in.

“They're our friends” she scolds him slightly. “The only friends we have”

“I know but there is only so many times I can listen to that story about the new coffee machine they have” he mumbles into her neck, she chuckles. “I'm going to lose my freakin' mind” he grumbles. “Again” he adds under his breath. “Next time you can be the one cornered over coffee” she turns to him and wraps her free hand around his neck and chuckles softly. He puckers his lips and leans closer, she kisses him and smiles against his lips.

“They're so adorable” Alina comments fondly as she and Mihaela watch Bucky and Sydney together.

…..............

Bucky finds that he doesn't mind so much. These people are nice. Alina and Mihaela's friends are as kind and sweet as the couple themselves. He also thinks it is to do with Sydney being at his side. Her soft touches through the night keeping him grounded. Keeping him present. But even with her, he has his limit. And he's reached it. Sydney senses this, somehow she knows he's done for the night. She brushes his hair back and leans closer to him.

“You want to go home?” she whispers to him, he glances at her and nods. “Okay,” she strokes his hair and stands. “Let me tell the girls” he nods again and watches her weave through the party to where Alina and Mihaela are.

…................

Bucky relaxes once safe inside of their shared apartment. He knows the exits. He knows his escape route. He knows where his guns are hidden. He feels safe here. Sydney lets out a breath and shrugs out of her jacket, Bucky looks at her, grateful that she brought him home when he needed to come home. She saw what he needed, and she gave it to him. He doesn't deserve her. He touches her back and she looks up at him.

“What?” she asks him as she notes his look. He turns her around with his hand and reaches up to brush her hair back from her face. “What?” she repeats softer now. He's still not ready to tell her he loves her. But he's hoping she can see it. She touches his arm and smiles, he smiles back at her. She knows. He knows she knows. He cups her cheek and kisses her. He presses her against the wall, lips moving against hers. She clutches at his shirt.

“This is how I want to see in the new year” he whispers against her lips. “You and me...” he pulls her arms around his neck and lifts her up, her legs wrapping around his waist. “Start as we mean to go on” he adds warmly. “Together”

“You're so sappy” she coos sweetly. “Keep talking” she pushes with a nudge of her nose, he chuckles and kisses her again. 

Chapter Text

Bucky rummages through the draws of the dresser in their bedroom, a concentrated frown on his face. He's looking for his gun cleaning kit. He tries to do it once a week to keep the gun in good condition, just in case he ever needs it, and whilst he cleans his, he cleans Sydney's too. And he knows he put it in here somewhere. But they've been living together for just under a month, and all their things have started merging together. His fingers touch leather and he assumes he's found it, until he picks it up, it's too thin, too small for it to be his kit. He pulls it out of the draw and then realizes. Passport. Not his. His is hidden in his quick getaway bag under the bed. He glances behind him but he knows Sydney isn't in. He shouldn't but he's curious. Bucky opens the passport and smiles seeing Sydney's photo there. His eyes scan over the details. Sydney Campbell. Which he knows is her name. January 24, 1979.

“Birthday” he mumbles instantly thoughtful. “Tomorrow” She hasn't said anything about it being her birthday. Why hadn't she said anything to him? He hums a little and taps his fingers on the passport cover.

…............

Sydney hums as she puts away the groceries, Bucky takes a breath and approaches her, her passport held tightly in his hand. He's not mad at her or disappointed, he's just curious. She glances at him and smiles.

“Hey” She greets warmly. “I got you that pasta sauce you like” she holds up the jar and smiles at him before setting it away. Bucky pushes the passport closer to her, she glances at it and then to him.

“When were you going to tell me that it was your birthday tomorrow?” he asks her, she shrugs a little.

“We've only been together a little while, I don't know, I just..thought birthdays was a...further down the line thing, plus I haven't celebrated my birthday in years” she shrugs it off.

“Well I want to celebrate it with you” he argues, she looks to him surprised. “We've already celebrated Christmas, and the New Year, and...now I want....to celebrate your birthday”

“I don't...” She struggles and looks down with a sigh. “It's not that I don't appreciate the offer, I do, I really do, but I don't want to celebrate my birthday” he touches her arm and raises an eyebrow.

“You haven't celebrated it since you left your family” he realizes, she gives him a sad smile. “That's....what? 15 years? Syd...”

“Please” she begs of him. “Just...can you forget?” she asks him as she picks up her passport. “It's just another day” he lets out a breath and nods.

“Okay,” he answers. She searches his eyes and then nods, appeased by his statement. But he's not about to let it go. He hasn't had a birthday in 70 years and he knows how much that upsets him, she's human, and she hasn't celebrated in 15 years. That's too long for her to go without someone that loves her to acknowledge her birthday. He's going to do something. Nothing too extravagant. Just a little something to show he cares and that he is here. He can do that for her. He grabs his jacket from the back of the dining chair, Sydney frowns at him.

“Where are you going?” she asks him.

“Out” he answers moving towards her.

“I'm just about to make lunch” she states, he kisses her as he pulls on his jacket.

“Save me some, I won't be long” he assures her when he pulls back and then leaves, Sydney stares after him and then sighs looking down at the passport.

…..........

Sydney is lounging on the couch when Bucky returns, her lunch plate on the table in front of her, a half-drunk mug of coffee. He kisses her head before he rounds the couch and joins her. Setting a box into her lap he turns to face her. She raises an eyebrow as her eyes find the box, her lips turning down with her frown.

“James” she scolds. “What is this? Is this a birthday present?”

“Ah, ah, ah” he stops her with a smirk. “Not your birthday until tomorrow” he reminds her. “So not a birthday present” he admits, she shoots him a look knowing that it still counts. Because it is too coincidental.

“James” she warns. “I told you I didn't want to.....” she swallows and shakes her head.

“I know what you said” he scoots closer to her. “But I couldn't not do anything” he places his hand over the box. “It didn't feel right to just ignore it” he nods to the box and smiles reassuringly. Opening the box, Sydney finds a beautiful silver candle inside with a pink ribbon around. She lifts her eyes to Bucky and then back to the candle. She draws her thumb over the length of it before she lifts the candle out of the box to smell it. It's beautiful. Smells floral. Soft. Nothing overpowered. “You seem to prefer the softer floral scents” Bucky offers. “I thought you would like it” she opens her eyes and looks at him. “I know it's not...expensive jewelry or a world cruise or...” she crawls into his lap and kisses him.

“I don't need those things” she stops him. “I love the candle.” she pulls back from him and looks down at the candle. “I'm sorry I got so defensive about my birthday” he shrugs and wraps an arm around her.

“I shouldn't have been snooping, and it's not like I was doing it on purpose” he kisses her arm. “I just found your passport when I was looking for my gun cleaning kit”

“I put it in your bedside drawer” she points out. “Next to your gun”, he makes a face and then nods.

“That makes more sense” she nods in agreement and smirks.

“Yeah, you think” he snorts and nuzzles into her cheek.

“You know” he starts. “I don't think most girlfriends would be okay with their boyfriends storing guns in their home” he points out.

“I think it would bother me more if I didn't have my own” she reminds him. “I know that need to have to defend, James, I understand why you have it....you're not some baggy pants wearing thug that has a piece to show off to his friends.” he shakes his head. “And we're not in America, chances of us actually having to use are guns are significantly lower here then it would be if we were in the States, but it makes us feel better, safer, to have them, just in case” he nods in agreement.

“FYI” he whispers to her. “March 10th,” he tells her, she frowns a little. “Now you know my birthday” she chuckles, he smiles softly. That's actually one of the only details he knows about his former life. When he left Hydra he only managed to grab a couple of pages of intel on himself. He knows it all back to front now. But it's not everything. It's not memories. Or feelings. Or connections. It's just facts. And whilst he is getting the other stuff back, he is forming new ones and remembering old ones, it's not the same. He wishes he had more. He wants his life back, his entire life. But for now, with Sydney, he has what he needs, he needs this woman. He needs her love and her affection because she is helping him more than she knows. Every day he spends with her. Every week. Every month. He remembers more.

Chapter Text

Bucky sits in Alina and Mihaela's apartment, his fingers tapping on his knee, he plucked up the courage to come to see them. They'd moved in together at the end of January, they claim that they were inspired by Bucky and Sydney. Alina is sat across from him, studying his face, waiting for him to start. He hasn't sought her out on his own since things started working with Sydney, not outside of work and him fixing up her mother's apartment.

“James?” She asks, he nods a little and takes a deep breath.

“What do normal people do for Valentine's Day?” Bucky asks, Alina looks at Mihaela in the kitchen, the two of them share an amused look. Alina turns back to Bucky.

“James, we're two lesbians” Mihaela points out.

“No, I know that” Bucky assures her. “But you're two normal human beings with normal feelings and....normal likes and dislikes and....stuff” Mihaela and Alina both give him a soft look. It's so rare that people see them as normal people, the world is slowly coming around to the idea of two people of the same sex engaging in love, but Romania, in 2014, is still behind a lot of countries in their LGBT rights, and someone like Bucky, who in their mind is white, straight, and appears Russian at times, seeing them as human means a lot, Alina knew long before Mihaela that Bucky was different, same with Sydney, neither of them even blinked when Alina introduced Mihaela, it was just....this is normal, why is she making a big deal out of it? Alina was the one that was overreacting. Bucky and Sydney have a look of...High school prom king and queen. Quarterback and head cheerleader, entitled and opinionated, but they're so far from that.

“You are asking for Syd” Alina offers. “So think about what she would like. She's a pretty simple person, she likes romance, traditional romance. So flowers, music, dinner....” Bucky pulls a face. “Too complicated for you?” Alina teases.

“No!” He is quick to argue. “It's too...I don't know, predictable, to...overdone” He explains. “She's special, it needs to be original” Mihaela returns to the room and sets a tray of coffee down.

“What about Control?” Mihaela asks Alina, she shakes her head in response.

“Too much noise, too many people, he won't like that” Bucky looks between them. Alina looks at Bucky. “Open to travel?” She asks him.

“Preferably within Romania” He answers. “And cheap, I...don't have a lot of money”

“Brasov” Mihaela offers. “Remember that weekend we spent there?” Alina nods.

“Or Viscri” Alina adds. “Both cities are very old fashioned, very traditional architecture, cobbled streets, slow-paced life, very romantic”

“I don't have a car” Bucky admits. Alina appears thoughtful before she smirks at him.

“You can take mine” She offers.

…...............

Bucky sits at Sydney's laptop, information about Brasov. It is a good idea to take Sydney out of the city for a weekend. Take in the sights. He's not sure he can afford a hotel though, not one that Sydney deserves. Maybe he can sell one of his guns. He wrinkles his nose. No, he might need that at some point. He closes the laptop lid and pushes it away. It was a stupid idea. What was he thinking? He glances back towards the bed where Sydney is sleeping. She deserves better than some boyfriend that can't scrape together enough cash to take her out for Valentine's Day. He stands and moves back to bed. She shifts, sensing him near her. He climbs into bed and takes a deep breath.

“James?” she mumbles as she reaches for him. He takes her hand as he curls into her back, his arms wrapping around her waist. She hums and leans back into his hold. He presses his nose to her neck and closes his eyes. He wishes he could give her everything she deserves.

…...........

Sydney sets a piece of paper in front of Bucky as he eats his breakfast, he raises an eyebrow letting his eyes shift to the paper. Hotel booking confirmation email. He lifts his eyes to her and she smiles softly.

“You left the tabs open when you closed the laptop” she points out, he blushes and looks down at the paper again. It is from the hotel he was looking at in Brasov the night before. He made such a rookie mistake by not shutting the laptop down properly.

“I didn't book this” he admits, she nods.

“I know” she assures him. “I did” she adds as she leans on the counter. He closes his eyes and then nods a little before he looks at her.

“I wanted to do something nice for...our first” he groans. “But I couldn't afford it” he admits quietly. “You didn't have to do this” he touches the paper and sighs. She smiles at him and touches his hand, Bucky threads his fingers with hers. “I would have come up with something else” she sits on his knee and he curls his arm around her waist, her fingers brushing his hair back behind his ear.

“Do you want me to cancel it?” she asks him, he takes a breath and kisses her shoulder before shaking his head.

“No” he answers. “No, we can still go”

“It would mean leaving the city” she whispers.

“I'll be fine” he assures her. “I've got you” she smirks and then chuckles. She does it every single time he gets all mushy on her. When he lets himself get all caught up in the romance and fluff of their relationship. Some times she catches him looking so sad and lost that she worries about him, but then he gets all fluffy and she knows that he's okay. Not perfect. Not complete. But okay. Just like her. It's why it works between them, they are two broken pieces that fit together. Fixing the seams the best way they can, in their own ways, but it only works for them. Bucky knows that no one else will mend him the way Sydney has been doing, and she knows that there is a reason why now, after all this time, it is him she's fallen in love with, because he soothes away all the hurt she's suffered. 

Chapter Text

Bucky lays on the huge hotel bed as he stares up at the ceiling. He thought Sydney's bed was comfortable but this is something else. It's so soft. So hugging. He hears the bathroom door open and closes followed by Sydney's footsteps. He smiles to himself. He may have been worried about leaving the city for this weekend, but he is proving to be coping remarkably well.

“Hey” He starts but he stops when he looks at her. She's all dressed up. A black dress with a red ribbon belt. He's never seen it on her before, but he loves it.

“Why aren't you dressed yet?” she scolds moving to her bag.

“It takes me two seconds to put on pants” he answers as he leans up to watch her. She grabs a pair of earrings from the bag and attaches them to her ears. “You look...” she smiles a little and glances at him, raises an eyebrow waiting. “I mean you always look...beautiful but that dress is something else” he scoots to the edge of the bed and motions for her, she moves closer to him. “I'm going to look like...like a gremlin next to you” he mumbles wrapping an arm around her. She chuckles and tugs on his hair.

“A very beefy gremlin” she teases, he huffs slightly.

“Beefy? You mean fat?” he asks her.

“You're not fat” she scolds. “You've just put on a little weight, you're healthy now” she squeezes his biceps. “You were so skinny when we first met” she reminds him, her voice sad. “I was worried, why do you think I kept taking you out for food? Or handing you cookies and bagels and muffins?”

“You were feeding me” he answers softly. “Even then, you were looking after me” he smiles warmly up at her.

“Someone had to” She counters, he stands and sighs softly, utterly touched. He cups her face between his hands, the metal of his left hand cool against her skin.

“Where would I be without you?” he asks her, she smiles softly at him. He kisses her and then pulls back.

“Pants,” She tells him. “Put pants on” he pouts and then looks at the bed. “James” she stops him. “Dinner and then sex” he smirks and pulls her closer. “No” she draws off. “I'm hungry”

“So am I” he agrees, she snorts and chuckles.

“For food” she counters, he nuzzles into her neck before he then pulls back.

“Okay,” he agrees. “Whatever you want” he breaths. He would do anything for her. He knows it.

…..............

Sydney sleeps against Bucky's chest, his metal arm around her waist. He's come on leaps and bounds with this arm, more sure of himself, surer that he won't hurt her with it, plus she likes sleeping with it around her, given his higher body temperature it can get warm in bed and the arm keeps her cool. Dinner was nice. Fancy nice. Bucky swears he's never eaten so much in his entire life. They laughed. They spoke. They.....it was nice, Bucky felt normal, like nothing in the world could hurt him, could hurt them. He glances down as Sydney shifts against him, her hand clutching to his stomach, nails digging in before she releases him. He places his flesh hand over hers, fingers lacing together. He brushes his thumb over the back of her hand and kisses her head.

“I love you” he admits, he knows he should have told her when she is conscious and aware but he hasn't plucked up the courage yet, for now, telling her whilst he sleeps is the best he can manage for now. He takes a deep breath and pulls her closer to him.

…...............

Sydney sits on a boulder rock, her eyes on Bucky as he looks out over the view in front of him. He looks so much more peaceful than he did days ago. Like this place is soothing his soul. She smiles softly. He's always so tense, on edge, as if he is waiting for something to happen. He seems less concerned about that here. The fresh air. The soft buildings. The lack of people. They've driven away from Brasov for the day, parked up at Dealul Lempeș, it's so peaceful and calm out here. All green and nature. He takes a deep breath and turns to her, a smirk on his lips, she raises an eyebrow.

“You ever had sex outside?” He asks her. “One with nature and all that?” She shrugs and smirks, he raises an eyebrow. “Really?” he asks her.

“I was a teenager once” she answers as he sits next to her. “And I loved to break my dad's rules” she looks at him. “He didn't have a lot of rules, but still broke the ones he set” he kisses her shoulder. “My brothers just..did as they were told”

“You have brothers?” He asks, she gives a solo shoulder shrug.

“Two” she answers.

“Do you miss them?” he whispers, she nods.

“Yeah” she answers sadly.

“So call them” Bucky offers, she shakes her head and looks away from him.

“I can't” she argues. “I..they'll be mad that I left...even now” he wraps his arm around her and pulls her closer to him. She lets out a breath and smiles softly at him. “Too long, too deep, my relationship with my family can't ever be fixed” he brushes her hair back and kisses her cheek.

“You have me” he assures her, her eyes soften. “And I have you” he adds. “I'm your family” she nods and touches his face, he leans into her touch before he kisses her softly. 

Chapter Text

Bucky shoulders open the roof door, it's stiff and unused, he wonders if Sydney's even been up here since she moved in. If this is to be his home, their home, he wants to know every inch. His eyes scan over the roof. Dead plants. Rotting furniture. It clearly was once used by whoever was living there before Sydney, possibly even before that. It would make a nice place to spend the summer, he can fix up some chairs, a little table, some flower pots, fairy lights. He could make it nice for them.

“James?” Sydney shouts from within the apartment below. He glances over his shoulder.

“I'm on the roof,” he tells Sydney.

“The what?” she asks coming up behind him. “I didn't even know this door opened” she admits peering around him. He hums a little and wraps his arm around her when she ducks under his arm.

“It needs some work” He points out, she raises an eyebrow.

“You gonna fix it up?” she asks him softly, he nods and lowers his eyes to her.

“I've had less to do across the road” he answers. “I need a new project” she leans into his side, her own arm wrapping around his back. “I thought it would be nice to get ready for summer” he gives a half shrug. “Somewhere for us to sit in the sun” he nuzzles into her head.

“That does sound nice” She agrees with him as she clutches to the back of his shirt.

“This is our home” he adds before he pulls back from her head. “Our future is here, we should be comfortable, we should make the most of it” she smiles up at him.

“You're so adorable” she mumbles teasingly. “But you're not wrong” she tugs him closer. “Anything else you want?” she asks.

“Can I read your books?” He asks her, she lifts an eyebrow.

“You don't have to ask” she assures him. “That's all you want?” He appears thoughtful before smirking. “Oh no” She teases, he shrugs a little.

“I saw this rug at the market” she softens slightly. “It's bright, I didn't think you'd want it because your apartment is all whites and creams”

“Our apartment” she scolds him. “You can make changes,” she tells him. “As you said, this is our home, you have to feel like it is” he smiles and nods. “So tomorrow, we'll go the market, and get us that rug, and anything else you see that you would like in our home” she leans up and kisses him before pulling back. “Want some help clearing the rubbish?” she asks as she nods to the roof, he nods a little and smiles.

…........

Bucky sits on one of the dining chairs that he'd brought up to the roof to rest on, the sun just setting beyond the apartment tower across the street. The city is starting to wind down so it's pretty quiet. He takes a breath and closes his eyes to take it in. Up here he can ignore everything. He opens his eyes and looks up when he senses Sydney at his side, she holds out the open soda in her hand to him and he smiles as he takes it from her before patting his legs, Sydney sits in his lap with her beer. He lets out a soft breath and looks around, the roof looks cleaner, better, and there is rather a lot of space for them to work with. Sydney takes a drink of her beer and leans into his hold.

“Not bad” she comments fondly. “You're pretty useful to have around” he chuckles and looks up at her as she smirks down at him.

“That and the mind-blowing sex, right?” he teases, she hums and nudges his nose.

“That's right, rent boy” she counters with a small chuckle. He smiles and kisses her.

…..........

Mihaela and Sydney walk through the market as they talk, Bucky follows behind them with a smile. Despite Alina and Mihaela being his friends first, they've taken to Sydney as if old friends, and she is just as taken with them. Sydney looks back at Bucky who gives her a small smile, she holds her hand back towards him and he moves closer to her.

“Where is this rug?” Sydney asks Bucky who threads his fingers with hers and nods across the market.

“This way” He answers and kisses the back of her hand.

“So, now you are both decorating does that mean it's all happy endings for you?” Mihaela asks. “White dress, church bells, children?” She teases.

“Yeah, maybe” Bucky answers, a tease to his tone, Sydney's smile falters slightly but she quickly fixes it. She can't give him those things. If they were to get married, it wouldn't be with her real name, the marriage wouldn't be legal. And she can't give him children. That's not in her future.

“Mihaela!” Alina yells from her bakery stall and waves happily at her girlfriend, Mihaela waves back and turns to her friends.

“Don't forget” She warns them. “Dinner tonight...okay?”

“We'll be there” Bucky assures her before Mihaela hurries to greet Alina. Sydney looks up at Bucky and smirks.

“When you said that, you almost sounded excited” She points out.

“I am” he agrees. “I like spending time with them they're so...”

“Normal” Sydney agrees with him, they share a look.

“Yeah” he nods softly and squeezes her hand. “Come on” he pulls her along gently towards the stall. “That one,” he tells her. Sydney laughs a little when Bucky points out the rug he likes. He smiles down at her as she moves to the rug.

“Wow” Sydney teases touching the rug. “When you said bright....”

“You haven't changed your mind?” he asks her, she smiles stroking the fabric before shaking her head.

“No” she assures him. “No, the apartment is very....bland and could use some color” she looks up at him. “If this is the one you want, you can put it wherever you want” he kisses her head and nods.

“This is the one I want” he states pulling back and then turns to the vendor. “How much?”

“1023 leu,” The vendor tells them.

“For a rug?!” Bucky asks and looks at Sydney, she strokes his arm and then smiles.

“Why don't you go back and get those plant pots?” she asks him, Bucky nods dejectedly and then walks away. Sydney watches him go before turning to the stall vendor. She smiles sweetly at him. “My boyfriend really wants this rug...” Her pupil dilates slightly. “And I think you want to give it to him...for free” She smirks when he nods at her.

…....................

“You got it” Bucky states when he sees Sydney stood with the rug against her side. “Please don't tell me you paid all that money for a rug?” he begs of her. She shakes her head.

“No, I haggled” She assures him. “I can be very persuasive when I want to be” he smiles and holds out the plant pot in his hand.

“I got this” he admits with a huge smile, he's so proud of himself. “Even got the address of a good garden center” he looks at the plant pot. “I figured we could color match” he rubs his thumb into the pot. It's a beautiful orangey-red. It would make a good base color for the roof. And terracotta is a basic material for gardening stuff, and matches the pot in his hand. He's really excited about doing this. About having something physical to show for his hard work. A home. He'll have a home. With Sydney. A real home. The rug. The plant pot. It's just the start.

Chapter Text

Over the following weeks, Sydney's apartment takes on a warmer more lived-in feel. Bucky picks out more items that he likes. The apartment is a miss-match of items. Curtains. Rugs. Weird goat figurines, he has a really weird thing for goats and any item related to goats. But he likes them, so she allows them to stay, despite how creepy they are, and how many times she has woken in the night to one of them looking at her. The roof is his true masterpiece and they spend a lot of time up there, even when it's cold, they take a blanket and sit under the stars together. This is where she finds him, sat in a lawn chair, a book in one hand, a soda in the other. She looks to the gift box in her hand and then approaches him. He smiles hearing her and then lifts his head to greet her, she leans closer and kisses his cheek.

“Happy birthday” she whispers warmly in his ear, he smiles. She sets a gift box in his lap and kisses him softly before taking the chair next to him. Bucky hums happily as he lifts the lid from the box. He instantly smiles seeing the gift inside. He laughs as he pulls the t-shirt from the box, she smiles watching his face light up. The t-shirt is just a simple black tee with the words 'Easily distracted by Goats' printed on the front. It is perfect. Because it is true, whenever he sees anything goat related, he is instantly there and drooling over it. He doesn't even know where his fondness for goats even comes from, as far as he can remember he's never even seen one in person. Maybe it's just because they're so cute and fluffy and soft that they're so far from his life that he just...likes them. He looks at Sydney.

“This is great” he states and looks at Sydney. “You're amazing...”

“Yeah, I am...I'm enabling your goat fetish” he laughs and takes her hand.

“It is not a fetish” he argues, she raises an eyebrow at him.

“Did you go to the market today?” she asks him, he nods. “Did you, or did you not, bring home two more goat figurines?” he opens his mouth to argue and then closes it. “And the goat mug you brought home yesterday, and the tribal goat mask that's on our living room wall you brought home three days ago?”

“Okay, so I like goats” he defends, she smiles and squeezes his hand.

“Baby, I like goats, you have an obsession” He blushes a little, but she smiles fondly at him, it's actually something she likes about him, it's a cute, adorable side of him. He laughs a little and shakes his head.

“I will tone back the goats” he offers, she leans closer to him.

“No” she argues, he frowns and looks at her. “No, you like them, they make you happy, why would I take that away from you?” she asks him. “But just know...we have limited space, and please, no live goats” he chuckles and leans closer to kiss her.

“You know, I think we could make a little patch up here” he teases.

“James” she scolds with a smirk. “I swear, if I come home and there is a goat up here....” he laughs and threads his fingers through her hair.

“What?” he asks. “What will you do?”

“You will be sleeping with it and not me” she answers nudging him back, he chuckles and watches her as she stands and winks at him, he knows she's not serious, he also knows that he wouldn't take in a live animal, not whilst he is recovering still. Not yet. Maybe one day. Maybe one day they can find a house, with a garden, with enough space for a couple of goats. He moves the gift box to the floor and then grabs her wrist when she starts to leave, she raises an eyebrow looking back at him. He seems to be strengthening himself for something. He rubs his thumb over her wrist and takes a deep breath. He's ready now. He wants to tell her something. Something he has felt for a while. Something he's only ever told her when she's asleep. He nods to himself.

“I love you,” he tells her, firmly, he's never been surer of anything of that he is sure of.

“You love me?” she whispers, he nods. Her eyes soften and she sits in his lap, his arm wrapping around his neck. Her eyes never leave his. Her free hand touches his cheek. “I love you too,” she tells him.

“You're not just saying that because I said it, are you?” he asks her, she shakes her head and smiles warmly at him.

“No” she answers. “No, I've felt it for a while, I just...didn't want to say it first” she shrugs a little. “I was scared”

“So was I” he admits. “It's been a very long time since I've been in any sort of relationship with a woman and I didn't want to seem like I was going to fast, I didn't want to ruin this” he nuzzles into her jaw and smiles. She loves him too. He feels a huge weight lifted from his shoulders. He knew she cared for him, but loving him is not the same, now he knows how she feels, it's a new step in their relationship. He brushes his lips over her jaw and sighs softly, his arms tightening around her. “As much as I love the shirt, and I do” he starts. “Hearing you tell me that, best birthday present” she turns her head, he presses his lips to hers.

Chapter Text

Bucky pauses the spoon of soup half-way to his mouth, his eyes on the tv as it plays some commercial for female-specific products. He narrows his eyes a little as he thinks. He and Sydney have been sleeping together since Halloween now, pretty much every night since, five months of non-stop sex, non-stop....the only time they don't have sex are the nights she's away, working. He looks to her as she leaves the bathroom. She notes his gaze as she pulls her hair back into a ponytail.

“What's wrong?” she asks him.

“Are you pregnant?” he word vomits, just rushes out of him, Sydney stares at him, hurt and surprise flickering across her face.

“Excuse me?” She counters folding her arms over her chest defensively. He's upset her, he can see that. And he will likely pay for it later.

“I just mean that....you know, we've had uninterrupted sex...for months....uninterrupted by mother nature....” he gives her a look, she sighs a little, she thought this might happen eventually with him, he's not stupid, he's observant, and he was bound to figure it out.

“I can't have children” she rushes out, he stares at her. “I can't ever have children, so if that's something you want then maybe it would be best if this ends here and now....” He frowns at her. “Because it's never going to happen” She whispers. He holds out his hand for her and wiggles his fingers, trying to coax her to him. She sighs and moves across the apartment to take his hand. He pulls her down onto the couch beside him. He leans closer to her and kisses her shoulder.

“I love you” he assures her. “I'm not going anywhere” he whispers softly.

“I was once” she admits, he looks at her. “Pregnant” she elaborates. “Long time ago now” she rubs her thumb into his wrist, her eyes following the motion.

“What happened?” he asks her quietly, she shrugs a little.

“They died” she answers lifting her eyes to meet his. “Before they could even....be born” she gives him a sad smile. “After that I....well, I can't have any. My body doesn't work that way....so no visits from mother nature” he presses his forehead to hers before pulling back.

“I'm sorry” he whispers. “I shouldn't have brought it up. I was just watching this commercial and it hit me....” she reaches up and brushes his hair back from his face.

“Do you want children?” she asks him, he lets out a breath and shrugs a little. Logically he knows he would be a terrible father. With his history. His recovery. His arm. His strength. But the thought of a mini him and Sydney running around doesn't seem horrible. Even though he knows now that it will never happen, he can imagine what it would be like. To have a son. For someone to call him dad. “You do” she realizes.

“No” he stops her. “No, that's....” He takes a deep breath. “It wouldn't be terrible if I had a kid one day” he admits. “But I don't need one to be happy with you” he strokes her cheek.

“You say that now” she whispers, he shuffles closer to her.

“I say it now, and I will mean it always,” he assures her. “I just need you....” he strokes her back to comfort her. It does nothing. Her heart is aching at the thought of him wanting children, and her never being able to give them to him.

…...............

The rest of the day is tense. The conversation almost forced. Sydney is distracted. And Bucky knows it is all his fault, he put doubt in her mind, doubt that he is going to love her without children, doubts that he is going to stay with her. He has no plans to leave her. Why would he? He utterly adores her, he loves the life they've got together here, he would never willingly give this up. Even when they go to bed that night, it's still...tense. Bucky stares down at where Sydney lays on her side facing away from his side of the bed, he knows she is still upset slightly about earlier, and that wasn't what he was trying to do, he didn't say it to upset her. He sighs and climbs into bed with her before he shifts closer to her, curling into her back, his arm sneaking under her neck, his other around her waist.

“You know” he starts knowing she is awake and listening to him. “I don't think it's on the cards for me” he admits as he nuzzles into her neck. “Being a dad. I don't think I'd be very good at it...” he nudges her jaw. “I promise you, that I am and always will be happy with just you” she turns her head slightly. “I love you” he reminds her. “I love this life we have, here, right now...”

“What if you change your mind?” she whispers, he kisses her cheek and then sighs.

“I won't” he assures her. He can't be a dad. He can't bring something tiny and innocent into his life. It was hard enough with Sydney, letting himself settle, he still struggles some days. One day, and one day soon, she might have a target on her back because of him, because of who he is. He will defend her if that day comes, he will defend her till his last breath. “I just need you” he assures her as he holds her to him. “You and me...that's all that matters” she nods a little, he leans closer and brushes his lips over hers. He pulls back and gives her a small smile. She turns to face him, his fingers brushing her hair back from her face. He kisses her, his metal hand clutching to the back of her shirt to hold her to him.

Chapter Text

Spring is in the air. And it adds a sort of magic to Bucharest. Even for Bucky. So he plans. Bucky shakes out the blanket and then lays it down on the roof, things have been good for the two of them the last almost year. And he knows he doesn't have to but he wanted to do something nice. Something special. It's closing in on a year since they met. And he wants to make every moment up to it. He wants her to know how important she is to him. How much better his life is because she is in it. And he knows, he really knows that his life is a hell of a lot better now than it was before. He flicks the lighter and holds the wick of the candle to the flame. He's hoping for a wind-free night or the whole concept of candles is going to be such a pain in his ass after he worked so hard to get this right. He tries his hardest to be romantic. He tries to do little things every day. If he's at the market and he sees something he thinks Sydney will like he buys it, whether it's something simple like a bag of apples and lemons, or flowers, or a pin badge. He'll run her a bath before she wakes up. He'll wrap a blanket around her on the couch when she's cold and sleepy. Little things that he hopes she can read as his way of telling her he loves her. He sets the candle down on an upturned crate, among a few others that have already been lit. He flicks on the fairy lights that are strung up around the blanketed area. He nods to himself. Perfect.

…...........

“Come on” Bucky teases as he pulls Sydney through the door and onto the roof. She chuckles at the sheer excitement and pride on his face. And when she sees why, she can't help but feel proud of him herself. Her eyes take in the set up space on the roof. The lights. The comfort. The romance.

“Oh,” she breathes softly as he wraps his arms around her waist and presses his chest against her back. “James” she whispers warmly, he kisses her neck and smiles. “What is this for?”

“It's a year since the first time I saw you” he admits as he plays with the buttons on her jacket. “And I wanted to do something nice.....mark the day I started stalking you” she laughs and shakes her head, she turns slightly and grabs onto his shirt to hold him close.

“Okay, so stalking is not the best way to describe what happened” she counters. “And in the future, we'll not use that...” he chuckles and leans closer to kiss her softly.

“So what are we going to use?” He asks her.

“Hmmm maybe you took the last free chair at the cafe, right across from me....our eyes met...” she teases. “You know....like one of those chick flicks?”

“So romantic” he teases dipping his hands into the pockets of her jeans to touch her ass. She gives him a look but leans closer to him. He kisses her and then pulls back so he can show her what he has done for her. She touches his cheek as she bypasses him to have a really good look.

“I can't believe you did this” she admits with a smile.

“Yeah, well....” he shrugs a little. She moves to where there is a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

“Alina?” she asks touching the flowers, he nods. “They're beautiful” she whispers softly as he pops the cork on the champagne bottle behind her. She can't believe that he has done all this for her. The sky above them darkens, really darkens. Enough that it causes the two of them to look up at it. Lights begin to fall from the sky. Across the entire sky. Bright and fast.

“Wow,” he states. “Look at that meteor shower” Sydney shakes her head.

“That's no meteor shower” she comments as she stares up at the sky. Bucky looks at her and then back at the sky. It's beautiful though. Whatever it is.

…......

Later, Bucky wakes to an empty bed, his fingers trailing over cold blankets. No sign of Sydney. He turns his head and sees her shadow moving in the living room. He slips out of bed and pulls on his sweat pants before heading that way. He pauses in the doorway to watch her. She's sat on the couch, a cell phone pressed to her ear.

“Bobby, it's Syd....” She sighs. “Again. I don't know if you are getting these, or...just deleting them. I know it's been a few years and I know I said some things...Just something happened, and I think it's a...you know...thing, 'cause that definitely wasn't...normal. Call me back...or not....just...” she sighs and then hangs up with a shake of her head. She sighs and rests her cell phone on her knee. She doesn't know what she was expecting, calling Bobby. Bucky leans up from the door and enters the room now. He takes the seat beside her and she instantly, subconsciously leans closer to him.

“Who's Bobby?” he asks her, she sighs and looks at him.

“Someone I used to know....he's good with weird stuff, and I just thought that if he could tell me it was nothing, I could...” she shrugs and leans into his side. “I didn't really expect him to pick up, we haven't spoken in years” she takes a deep breath. Bucky wraps his arm around her and kisses her head.

…...........

In America, a phone sits in a hand as it plays Sydney's voice mail. Finger clenched around the device.

“Bobby, it's Syd...Again. I don't know if you are getting these, or...just deleting them. I know it's been a few years and I know I said some things...Just something happened, and I think it's a...you know...thing, 'cause that definitely wasn't...normal. Call me back...or not....just...” The message ends. Only it's not Bobby who sits on a hospital bench holding the phone in his hand. It's Dean Winchester. He stares down at the phone and then presses a key.

“Message deleted” The automated voice informs him, he takes a deep breath and tucks the phone back away where it was hidden in his duffel bag. He pulls the zip closed on the bag and then stares at it a moment, then shakes his head as he stands. He wasn't the only one hurt when Sydney left them. Sneaking out in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye, not even to her own twin brother, her so-called best friend. He's been stewing on his disappointment and anger towards her actions for a very long time. It's not like he doesn't know what she's talking about, he assumes she'd witnessed the angels falling and is seeking answers. But he's not going to give them to her. He's not picking up the phone and calling her. It might be spiteful and stubborn but he doesn't care. Where the hell was she when they needed her? He walks into the hospital room next to his chair and looks at Sam who lays unconscious in the bed. Where is she now? Dean is the one that's been here, all this time. For their Dad. For Sam. For Bobby. Whilst she was off doing whatever the hell it is that she's been doing.

Chapter Text

Bucky wakes in his shared bed to the early September sun beaming in through the bedroom window. He turns over seeking out Sydney, as he does every morning. But her side of the bed is empty. He frowns a little. She is never awake before him. He touches the bed sheets and finds them cold. She's been awake a while then. He sits up and stretches, his eyes instantly finding a photo stuck into the edge of Sydney's mirror. He smiles. It's a photo of the two of them together from during the summer. And it sounds cliché to Bucky. A summer of love. But that is the only way to explain the summer months with Sydney. They actually traveled around Romania in a little beat up car. They ate food, saw the sights, and fell deeper into that black hole of love. But Bucky is happy. Truly and deeply happy. And being back at home kind of sucks when he's been traveling for so long. He misses it. He misses the simplicity of it. He pulls on his sweat pants before heading out of the bedroom and into the main room where Sydney is sat on the couch reading a paper. He watches her a second before he moves to the kitchen area and the coffee machine waiting for him.

“You're up early” he points out as he pours himself a mug of coffee, she hums a little, her eyes fixed on the newspaper in her hand. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing” she answers softly, he moves towards her with his coffee.

“Animal attack?” he asks reading the paper page over her shoulder. “In the city center?” he sits next to her.

“Yeah” she answers. “Weird” She mumbles, but he can see her mind working away. She sets down the paper and turns to him. “Good morning” she offers, he smiles at her.

“Good morning” he whispers back warmly.

“How was your first night back in our bed?”

“Better than yours it seems, did you sleep at all?” he asks her, she shrugs a little.

“A few hours...” She admits. “I didn't want to wake you so I came out here” he sets his coffee down and turns back to her.

“If something is keeping you awake, you should have woken me....” he scolds her a little.

“It's nothing you could have helped me with” She counters leaning into his side, his arm wrapping around her. “I was just restless...being away all summer, I got used to sleeping somewhere different every night, being back in our own bed it....it feels a little...weird” he nods a little and rubs her back.

“I know” he agrees. “Just going to have to get used to it again” he kisses her head and takes a deep breath. “You know...Maybe next year...” He starts. “We can go...further?”

“You would want that?” she asks him, he nods.

“Yeah” she chuckles a little.

“Says the man that used to be afraid to leave the apartment, now you want to go traveling?”

“With you” he corrects. “Only with you....” she smiles warmly at him.

“Then it sounds like a plan” she offers and leans up to kiss him, he hums happily against her lips and pulls her closer till she is in his lap, she chuckles and wraps her arm around his neck.

“Maybe Paris” he whispers against her lips. “Romantic, beautiful, good food”

“Sold” she teases. He can't believe he is this lucky. After Hydra, how did he find a good woman? And why the hell does she love him? She tugs on his hair.

“Ow,” he complains even though it didn't really hurt, he shoots her a look.

“As if I can't see when you are thinking mean things about yourself,” she tells him, he gives her a sad smile. “None of it matters. This you, who you are now, that matters” He knows that she means that. That to her, none of his past matters. But it still matters to him. He can't and won't completely forget about it. About the hurt he caused other people. He knows that will never go away but with her...it lessens just enough to keep him sane.

…..............

Alina and Mihaela laugh at something Sydney has just said but Bucky's too busy watching the three women with warmth. He loves moments like this. When they are all together, all light and happy and none of their pasts hinder them. He knows that none of these women were tortured and brainwashed by Hydra, but their pasts are all something terrible for them. They've been changed and scarred by the lives they've lived, and yet here they all are, happy and smiling. Bucky smiles because it shows it can be done. He knows it can even if some days he tries hard to be the man worthy of Sydney, some days he tries really hard. He reaches under the table and takes Sydney's hand in his, she smiles and looks at him, he winks at her. She squeezes his hand and goes back to her conversation with her friends.

Chapter Text

Bucky wakes alone in bed, his fingers instantly seeking out Sydney but finds her side of the bed cold. He groans and rolls over to check. His fingers brushing over the sheets before they find a small note left for him. Bucky lifts it up so he can read it. 'Gone to pick up groceries. Back soon. xxx'. Bucky smiles to himself and stretches out in the bed before curling up again. He knows he has to get up, he won't go back to sleep without Sydney in the bed with him. He turns over and then climbs from the sheets, his feet touching the soft carpet. He still can't get over it sometimes. That he wakes up and he's not in some derelict apartment but in a much-loved apartment filled with his things, and Sydney's things and their shared things. The bedroom has photos of them together, from their travels, of them sitting together in the living room, with Alina and Mihaela. He smiles. Cause despite everything....he got a happy ending. He got the girl. A great girl. Someone that loves him. Someone he loves, completely. He runs his fingers through his hair as he heads towards the bathroom to shower for the day.

….......

Later: Bucky lounges on the couch, watching the tv play some old black and white movie. He's starting to worry about Sydney. She's been gone a while. A lot longer than it usually takes her to get groceries. He taps his fingers on the tv remote and sighs, trying not to think too much on it. He cocks his head a little when he hears the downstairs door open and close.

“Syd?” Bucky asks hearing her steps on the stairs, but there is something off about them. Something staggered. Slow. He stands from the couch and frowns at the door as it opens and Sydney stumbles into the apartment, her fingers gripping her shirt. She looks up at him and sees his frown. She lets out a small relieved breath before she collapses in front of him, Bucky's eyes widen and he hurries to her, blood seeping through her shirt. “Syd” He clutches her face, lifting her up slightly into his arms. She cries out in pain and grabs at his shoulder. He carries her towards their little kitchen area, swipes at the top of the dining table, clearing it of everything on the top of it before he sets her down onto the top of it. His fingers pry open her shirt to look at the wounds beneath. She's riddled with bullets. How she even made it home is beyond him. Her skin is bubbling around the entry wounds, her fingers grasping at his sleeve. He brushes her hair back from her face, smearing her blood across her cheek.

“Take them out” She begs. “You have to take them out....”

“I don't think that's going to help” his voice breaks as he admits this. She nods and swallows, her eyes fluttering.

“Please” she begs. “Please...help me” he nods and turns her face back towards him.

“Okay” he assures her, even though he knows the extent of her wounds would likely even kill him, let alone a human, and he knew, he knew this day would come, that someone would hurt her because of him.

….........

Bucky finds Sydney's first aid kit in her bathroom and makes his way back to Sydney who is almost motionless on the table, he can see that she is breathing but she is having trouble. He honestly doesn't know how to help her here. He sets the kit next to a bowl of warm water and takes a breath. Her eyes watch him, pained and scared. He touches her cheek and tries to give her a reassuring smile but it comes out strained because he is scared too, absolutely terrified of what is going to happen. He needs her. He loves her. He can't lose her.

“Okay,” he tells himself, steeling himself, as he pulls the tweezers from the kit and touches her skin around one of the bullet wounds. He gets to work. Pulling them from her, wiping away her blood, treating her as if this isn't going to kill her. Her fingers grasp weakly at the bottom of his jacket, holding to him, anchoring herself to him. One after another he takes the bullets out. Questioning why they are wooden and why her skin seems to burn with them, but he can't concentrate on that, he just needs to concentrate on saving her. When he is sure he has them all, he turns to the first aid kit and sorts through the bandages in the kit before turning back to her. But he finds his eyes staring at her skin. Because other than some blood, there is no sign of her ever having been shot. Bucky touches her skin where there should be bullet holes. “Sydney” He states and lifts his eyes to meet hers. She sighs and closes her eyes. Because how is she going to explain this to Bucky without telling him the truth. “What....what is this?” She sits up and opens her eyes. “What are you?” He counters.

“James” she whispers and lets out a breath.

“Why can you heal like that? Did they send you? Are you with them? Are....”

“I'm a vampire” She admits, interrupting him, he opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. He stares at her a moment before cocking his head.

“A vampire?” he asks her. “Like.....Dracula?” she nods and then shrugs. She knows that yes, basically, she is like Dracula, but the line between truth and myth are still a mystery to her too. She hasn't exactly had a tutor through this whole ordeal. Most of what she knows, she has discovered for herself.

“Yeah” she whispers. He lets out a shaky breath.

“I can't...” He steps back from her, her eyes flickering with hurt and rejection.

“James, please” she begs, he swallows slightly and looks away. “I'm sorry” she sniffles. “I'm sorry” he can't look at her. He can't. Because he knows he will cave if he sees her crying. Vampire or not, he still loved her. Loves her. But what is he supposed to do with this information?

“Why didn't you tell me?” he whispers, she rubs at her eyes.

“Would you have believed me?” She asks, he closes his eyes. No. He wouldn't have believed her.

“No” he voices and closes his eyes. “I can't...do this....I'm sorry” he whispers and walks away from her. Grabs his jacket from the back of the couch before leaving. Sydney closes her eyes and sinks to her knees, her arm around her middle as she cries.

….......

Bucky leans back against the closed front door and closes his eyes. He can't believe this. He knew she was keeping secrets, just as he is, but he never thought it would be this, he never even considered that sort of thing was real. She's dangerous. A monster. His heart stutters a little. Just like him. She's never hurt him though. Never raised a hand or....fang to him. All she's done is love him but he can't move past this, not yet. Not until the whole truth is out there. He has to tell her now. He has to tell her everything now. It's only fair. Despite how this truth came out, it has, she's been wholly honest with him. He needs to do the same if they are to keep going. No more lies.

Chapter Text

When Bucky returns with a box from his safety deposit box, he finds Sydney curled up on the floor where he left her, arms around herself as she cries. Utterly devastated. Bucky eyes sadden seeing her like that. Knowing that he did that to her by leaving. He should have explained first before just going. He knows this. But it was shocking. Still is a shock. He sets the box on the kitchen counter and then moves to her. Crouching at her side, he touches her shoulder and tries to get her to uncurl.

“Hey” he whispers, she lifts her head to look at him, her arms loosening around herself. “Breath,” He tells her, his hands finding her face. “Breath for me, sweetheart” He begs, she does as he asks calming herself down. Her body relaxing, her breathing steadying, her tears stopping. She blinks a little and looks at him.

“I thought you left...” She admits, he shakes his head and then kisses her. Holding her closer to him. Showing her just what she means to him, even as a vampire, that doesn't change.

“I love you” He promises her against her lips. “I'm not going anywhere” he gives her a small smile. “I just...I needed to get some things” he kisses her forehead and then stands moving back to the box. “It's out in the open now, what you are...and...” he touches the box and closes his eyes. This is it. Sink or swim for them. “This is my....thing” He opens his eyes and looks at her as she appears at his side, they share a look.

“You don't have to tell me” She assures him, he nods.

“Yeah, I do...” He corrects. “It's time...no more secrets” he takes the lid from the box and lets out a breath. “I don't know everything myself” He admits as he pulls a folder from the box. Beneath that is his Winter Soldier uniform. Guns. Knives. Lots of things that remind him of that life. He sets the folder down and motions for Sydney to look. “My name is James Buchanan Barnes,” He tells her as she opens the file. “And according to that”, he points at the file. “I was born...”

“In 1917” She finishes as she reads that information. He nods. “I'm the vampire yet you are the really old one?” She asks as she looks at him, he shrugs a little. “Wait” she stops. “According to...you don't know?”

“I don't remember” He admits, she cocks her head a little. “I barely remember my name....” he continues. “And...up until a few years before I met you....my mind is....” he sighs. “It's flickers...and the things that I do remember....” He looks down. “The people that...” he takes a breath, struggling to get it out.

“These people?” she asks touching the symbol on the file. He nods.

“They...changed me,” he tells her. “They...gave me my arm, they....took away my memories....turned me into an...” he clenches his jaw. “An assassin....and the things I did for them, the people I hurt....the people that I killed....” He whispers, his voice breaking with his guilt and disgust at himself. Sydney touches his arm and he pulls away from her. “No, please....” he tells her. “I can't....I'm a monster, Sydney” It breaks her heart to hear him mean that, that he truly thinks he is a monster, he is literally standing next to a vampire and he thinks he is the monster.

“Hey” she coos and pulls him closer to her, he closes his eyes. “Look at me” she begs, he shakes his head because he doesn't want to see the rejection and hatred in her eyes. But there is none there. “James” she scolds him, he opens his eyes and looks at her. “The world would call us monsters,” she tells him. “But we're not” he frowns at her. “Monsters don't care about what they've done. They don't feel guilt. They don't feel love” he brushes his sleeve over his cheeks to remove his tears. “But we do” he nods a little. “I love you...and I know you love me” he nods again. “So how can we be monsters?” he leans closer and kisses her, his arm wrapping around her back to pull her closer to him.

“I do love you” he assures her. “More than anything....” she nods and hugs him, her arms tight around him, he closes his eyes and hugs her back. She is still here. She knows everything and she is still here with him. He knows that there is so much more to talk about. But he got it out, he managed to tell her. And she stayed. He presses his head to the side of hers and lets out a breath.

“It's who you are now that matters to me” She whispers to him, something she has told him time and time again but it now holds more meaning. He knows it holds more meaning. She still loves him. Even with the whole assassin thing. Even with the age thing. She still wants him in her life. He nods a little.

….................

“So who shot you?” Bucky asks from where he sits on the end of the bed, watching Sydney as she goes through her drawers looking for a clean shirt to put on.

“Hunters” she admits as she pulls on a fresh shirt. “They hunt and kill things like me” his eyes follow her as she grabs a jumper and pulls it on. “Urm...those animal attacks that were in the paper” he nods. “It was another vampire, I thought if I could find it, and get it to leave or....” she sighs. “Kill it....but they were already there, they'd already killed it....and vampires, we usually live in nests....” she looks at him.

“They were waiting for more to turn up?” he asks, she nods.

“So when I turned up....when I looked over his body....” she admits and shrugs. “They didn't even...” She stops and shakes her head. “I could have been a human that just stumbled upon the scene, but they wouldn't have known, they didn't even ask...they just assumed I was a vampire and that I was as bad as he was, but I have...I have never fed from a human....” She assures him, he nods, considering that she lives alone, with a small number of friends, that she is careful and cautious in crowds, just as he is, that she was trying to protect the people around her.

“Where are they now?” he asks her, something hardening in his eyes because these people hurt her, they shot at her intending on killing her, and that's not okay. Sydney looks down and shrugs a little. “Syd?” he asks, she sighs and looks at him.

“Dead” she answers. “I urm....killed them” He stands and touches her arm. “They shot at me and I...panicked”

“It's okay” he whispers and pulls her closer. “I would have done the same....and if you hadn't already dealt with them...” he presses his forehead to hers. “I would have killed them for hurting you” he admits quietly. “I'll kill anyone that hurts you”

“James...” She scolds a little.

“No, I know, that's not who I am any more, but for you....I'd do anything” he assures her, his hands soft on her face.

“I need to feed” she admits when she pulls back from him, veins creeping up under her eyes. “To get my strength back and being this close to you, when you smell so nice....” he chuckles and shakes his head.

…........

Sydney opens up a panel in the wall of the living room to reveal a small fridge, Bucky raises an eyebrow as she opens the door to pull out a blood bag. She looks at him and then chuckles seeing the utter clueless expression on his face.

“Hospital” She admits as she stands. “They urm...don't miss a few bags every now and then...”

“And that's fine, that keeps you going?” He asks. “There's no...I don't know, like a thing about it having to be...from the tap?” she smirks at him and shrugs.

“I don't really know how it works,” She tells him. “I woke up like this...and no one was there to tell me the rules....” she shrugs a little as she pours the blood into a glass. “Kind of had to figure it out for myself....”

“Syd” he whispers.

“It's okay” she assures him. “I've had time....”

“How long?” He asks, she glances at him. "How long have you been....a vampire?"

“Nearly ten years now” She admits, he gives her a look. “Oh come on” She teases. “That's nothing, you've been around far longer than I have...”

“Well, yeah, but I don't remember it...” He counters. “And I don't have to drink blood...”

“You get used to it” she comments and shrugs a little. “And it's not that bad....” She holds out the glass to him and he pulls a face. “It keeps me alive” She pulls the glass back. “And that's good enough for me” he nods, he can see her point.

“So is there anything you like about being a vampire?” he asks her, she hums a little and takes a drink as she thinks about that. “Or is it all bad?”

“No, it's not all bad” She answers. “I'm pretty strong.....fast....” he raises and eyebrow. “How much do you weigh?” She asks him, he shrugs.

“I don't know...250...260 maybe” he answers, she nods a little and sets her glass down.

“So a woman my size shouldn't be able to lift you up” She offers, he hums and nods. She reaches out and grabs his shirt, fisting her fingers into it. “And definitely not with one hand?” She asks, he shakes his head. She lifts him up, easily, with one hand, Bucky chuckles a little and looks down at his feet which hover over the ground.

“Okay, so yeah, you're pretty strong” he agrees as she sets him down. “Explains how you broke my nose” he adds, she smirks and nods. She finishes her drink and then heads towards the bedroom, Bucky stares at the glass a moment before following her.

“You know...Before I became a vampire...I was one of them” She admits as she makes her way to the window. “My father, he trained and raised me and my brothers to be hunters, I was like them....”

“You would have asked” he scolds, she shrugs. “You would have made sure....” she gives him a small smile and nods.

“What a pair we make, huh?” He asks her as she looks out the window, she smiles to herself. “Vampire and a...sort of reformed assassin...” he sits on the bed again and chuckles a little.

“What?” she asks as she turns to face him. “What's so funny?”

“All this time, I've been worried about hurting you...” He admits. “And...I didn't need to be....” she shakes her head in agreement and then flops backwards onto their bed. “I feel like there is this weight that's been lifted....”

“Hmmm telling the truth does that” she offers as she climbs onto the bed with him. He holds out his arm for her to lay at his side.

“Those bullets...”

“Wood and vervain” she explains. “It's like a poison to my kind not enough to kill us...but weakens us enough that hunters can get in close....stake us”

she snuggles into his chest, his arm around her.

“We still have a lot to talk about” he admits, she nods in agreement. “But we're okay, right?”

“Yeah” She whispers and then kisses his cheek. “We're great” he looks at her and smiles.

“You and me, huh?” he asks her, his fingers playing with her hair.

Chapter Text

Bucky glances down at the file on himself that sits between him and Sydney on the bed, she's gone through the whole thing, absorbing all the information inside, finding out about the real him and everything he's done. And yet she is still sat there. Still here with him. He honestly has no idea what he has done to deserve her. Because of his past, nothing he has done even gets close to making him worthy of someone like her. He raises an eyebrow at her and she nods, finished with the file. He picks it up and climbs from the bed.

“So you think that people might come because of who you were?” she asks, he nods and sets his file on the dresser. “Because you were this...Winter Soldier guy?”

“Yeah, definitely” He answers and turns back to her. “I...thought that...when you....” he lets out a breath. She knows what he is trying to say, she understands now how he must have felt seeing her all bloody and bullet filled. That he feared his past had come right back to get him, by getting her.

“So we plan” she offers and pats the bed, he joins her. “Escape plans and stuff....that way, if it happens....we'll be ready” he leans closer to her and kisses her.

“God, I love you” he whispers against her lips before he pulls back. “But I already did that when I moved in here” he admits, she gives him a look. “We're good” he assures her. “I got us covered”

“Are you going to enlighten me?” she teases. “Or will it just be a surprise if it happens?” he chuckles and shrugs.

“Everyone loves surprises” he teases and kisses her nose.

“Not everyone” she counters. “Plus, you know, I'm fast enough to just....zip us out of here” she adds, he raises an eyebrow, she nods back at him.

“Show me,” He tells her. She sighs a little and then nods. He's asking questions. He's curious. This is a good sign. She moves, at vamp-speed, pinning him to the bed and displaying her vampire face, hissing down at him. Bucky stares up at her. She seems to pause a little, realising that she might just freak him out.

“Was that too much?” She asks him.

“No” he assures her, his eyes tracing her face, she then rears back and frowns, shifting her hips slightly.

“Are you....” She cocks her head pulling back slightly. “Seriously turned on right now?” Bucky actually pauses to think about it before he nods.

“Yeah” he admits. “Yeah, I am...”

“Is it the veins or the fangs?” she asks him.

“It's you....with the fangs....and the veins...” he sighs a little. “It's really hot...” she shakes her head and leans closer to him.

“You're such a dork” she whispers warmly against his lips, he shrugs a little and pulls her closer to kiss her.

“You love this dork” he teases against her lips, she nods and lets out a soft breath. Because she really does love him. He strokes her arm as she snuggles into his neck. He smiles to himself. This is all he wants. Her. A life with her.

…......

Halloween is not Sydney or Bucky's favourite time of the year. People hiding behind costumes. Lying about who they are. It doesn't sit well with either of them. But their friends are throwing a party and they are going in costume. It's been a month since both of them admitted their secrets, and it's never been better between them. Now that hidden part of them is out there, they have nothing to hide. It's all out there in the open and they are both still in the relationship and it is still going strong. Sydney takes a breath and glances over her shoulder.

“Hey, James, are you ready to go?” Sydney asks as she pulls on her knee-high boots. Her cat costume almost done. She could have gone for the whole vampire thing but she thought it was a little on the nose.

“Yeah, just a second” He shouts back from the bedroom.

“I thought women were supposed to take the longest getting ready” she teases and then stands to look over her boots just as Bucky leaves the bedroom. She raises an eyebrow at him and looks over his costume. It's all black and doesn't remotely resemble anything. “What is that?” she asks him. “You're supposed to be wearing a costume” He smiles at her, revealing fake vampire teeth. Sydney rolls her eyes and sighs a little. “Are you serious?” she asks him, he shrugs and moves towards her.

“Come on.....are you not tingling seeing the fangs?” he manages to get out through the plastic teeth. She laughs and looks at him.

“I am actually totally surprised you are not dressed as a goat” she admits.

“Whoa, hey, you love the goat stuff” she sighs and smiles.

“Yeah, it's grown on me” She admits as he pulls out the fangs and stretches his jaw.

“I just wanted to do something that showed I was okay with the vampire thing....” he admits, she smiles softly at him.

“Yeah?” she asks, he nods. She pulls up the skirt of her dress to show she's wearing one of his thigh knife holsters. He lets out a choked noise and smirks.

“That's the hottest thing I've ever seen” he teases pulling her closer, she chuckles.

“So you know I'm okay with the whole.....reformed assassin thing” She offers him. They share a look. He nods and kisses her forehead. Loves her even more for this. Solidarity among monsters.

Chapter Text

Bucky leads Sydney out of their bedroom and into the living room, his hands over her eyes, she hods to his wrists as he gently nudges her. She chuckles and leans back into his chest. Every day that they have together, every holiday that they spend together, they both fall deeper into their little hole of love, they both heal a little bit more from the scars of their pasts, both come to feel like Romania is their home. This is their life now. It is their home. Their escape from the bad. Their happiness.

“Merry Christmas” Bucky whispers in her ear and then pulls his hands back from her eyes. She lets out a small laugh as she takes in the living room. He'd gotten up early to decorate for her. He curls his arm around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. “I even baked” he admits, she gasps a little and turns in his arm.

“You baked?” She teases as she wraps her arms around his neck, he nods and smiles at her.

“Yeah, some cookies” He shrugs. “They're not great” He admits softly, she chuckles and kisses him.

“I am sure they're perfect” She counters when she pulls back, her fingers soft as she brushes his hair back from his face.

“What?” He asks her, noting her expression, she smiles and shakes her head. “No, come on”

“Twenty months,” She tells him, he frowns a little. “Twenty months ago you sat with me at my table...” he smiles, realising. “Two years ago, I would never have thought this” She touches his chest, resting her palm over his heart. “Would be possible, I...couldn't see myself getting close to anyone” He nudges her nose with his. “Always afraid I'd end up hurting them....” She lets out a breath. “I'm really glad you came into my life, James” he smiles at her. “And everything bad that happened before us....” She shrugs slightly. “Well, we wouldn't be here if none of that had happened”

“No” He agrees softly. Whilst he hates what Hydra did to him, he cannot deny that because they did it, he is here, now, with Sydney, that if he had not gone through it all, he would have lived and died without knowing what it felt like to love someone the way he loves her, and she would likely have remained alone.

“Now” She starts. “Can I have a cookie?” He chuckles and nods.

…...........

Sydney pulls up her hair as she leaves the bedroom, Bucky setting a bottle of wine out onto the kitchen counter next to four glasses. It smells great in there as well, both of them have spent much of the morning cooking and preparing for dinner. They're going big this year. Or as big as they can given the size of the apartment.

“Are you sure you are okay with this?” Sydney asks Bucky who nods, but he fidgets with his jacket. It was their idea to invite Alina and Mihaela over to spend Christmas day with them. A friends Christmas.

“Yes,” He assures her, his hand coming up to cup her cheek.

“And we have everything?” She peers around him to the kitchen.

“Yes,” He answers with a smile. “I double-checked your list....stop worrying, it's going to be perfect” he kisses her and then pulls back. “And even if something goes wrong.....they're our friends, it won't matter to them” She nods a little. She's not played host for a long time so she is nervous about this. Inviting people into her home. She's fine going to their apartment. Because it is just safer that way, in her head. But she's been more worried about Bucky. He likes his space being his space. Their apartment is their sanctuary, and having more people in it might make him uncomfortable. He kisses her cheek and then heads off to answer the door when someone knocks on it. Sydney takes a deep breath and swings her arms at her side.

….........

Bucky glances around the table. Alina and Mihaela smiling softly with Sydney. They've exchanged gifts. Had their fill of food. They've had fun. Relaxed. Talked. Drank. Bucky sets his arm over the back of Sydney's chair, she looks at him, presses her palm to his cheek and smiles. He smiles back at her. Alina and Mihaela share a look, Alina leaning into her side.

“Actually, whilst we are here” Alina starts, Bucky raises an eyebrow. “We have some news” Alina touches Mihaela's hand.

“Is it good news?” Bucky asks them.

“We think so” Mihaela answers. “We're engaged”

“You guys” Sydney coos. “That's so great”

“And look, we know we can't get married here” Mihaela assures them. “So we've also decided to move....”

“Moving?” Sydney asks, Mihaela nods.

“To the United Kingdom,” Alina tells them. Bucky lets out a breath. “It's been legal for same-sex marriage there for two years now...and I know it's far...”

“But we can drive and then get a boat” Bucky assures them, Mihaela relaxes slightly. “If this is what you need to do...then...” He looks at Sydney who nods. “Congratulations”

“I'm so happy for you both” Sydney adds, Bucky nods.

…..........

Bucky wraps the blanket around the two of them, letting Sydney curls into his side. He kisses her head and smiles to himself. He's really happy for Alina and Mikaela, even if it does mean that they have to move across the world to get the life that they want, if that's what they need then, of course, they are going to support them. The two of them have been through so much to get here. Sydney nuzzles into his side.

“I'm going to miss them” She admits, he nods in agreement. “I know this is the best thing for them” She looks up at him. “But I don't think I can ever go back to England” He frowns a little.

“Back?” She touches her leg, fingers rubbing over her scar. Bucky's eyes shift to it. “Did that happen....?” He asks.

“Yeah” She answers. “London was my first stop after I left the states....the second I stepped out of the airport, I knew something was wrong...I just had this feeling...” She looks down. “I hadn't even been there a week when...I was jumped by a group of hunting fanatics” She tells him. “Called the Men of Letters. They don't like the way the American hunters work and they thought they could....'retrain' me” She offers with air quotes. “Into one of them” She looks down at her leg. “I got this scar when I was running from them...” She admits. “Along with the gunshot scar in my shoulder” He touches her back. “They shot me, I went down, straight onto a metal spike” He cringes a little. “I couldn't go to a hospital, so I found a cheap hotel, crashed, spent a few weeks holed up, healing, but it scarred horribly...” She rubs her leg. “I left England, went to Amsterdam, got the tattoo to hide the scar....and then made my way to Romania....” He smiles at her. Proud of her. She went through all of that she is still well adjusted. Still kind and caring.

Chapter Text

Bucky's been thinking a lot about Mihaela and Alina since they left. He misses them, yes, but he's actually been thinking about why they left. To get married. And whilst he knows it would be difficult, he's not sure whether that is in his future with Sydney. It's not that he doesn't see his future with her, because he does, she is literally his future, but he's 99 years old and she's a vampire.

“Can I ask you something?” Bucky inquires from the bed as Sydney pulls on her jacket, she hums and nods. “Do you think....that we might get married?” She turns at that to stare at him. “I'm not asking” he is quick to point out when he sees the panic in her eyes. “Just....curious”

“Even if we did....we can't use our real names” She points out. “The Men of Letters will still be looking for me, and Hydra will be looking for you” He nods in agreement. “It wouldn't be real” She adds sadly.

“Do I know your real name?” He asks, she nods and shrugs a little.

“It is Sydney” She answers. “But not Campbell, I mean, it sort of is, that was my mother's maiden name, it's Winchester”

“Like the gun” He teases, she smiles and nods in agreement. “Sydney Winchester” He tests and nods. “I like it” He offers and reaches for her, she moves closer to him, his fingers looping into her belt loops so he can give her a tug, she chuckles and reaches up, brushing her hands through his hair. He hums and closes his eyes, leaning into her touch. “Are you sure you have to go?” he asks when he opens his eyes.

“I won't be gone long” She assures him. “Just a few days...” he pouts a little. “I know you're still worried about what happened with those hunters” He nods. “But we moved....” she reminds him. They have actually moved. After the attack on Sydney by those hunters, Bucky didn't feel like they were as safe as they could be, just in case more come, just in case they had friends. He knows it's been a while now, months, but it still bothers him. They'd not moved far. Just across the city into an apartment complex. He finds it safer for them. And whilst he loved their last apartment, they had made it home, he likes what they have now too. It's bigger than the last one. More space for more stuff. A proper home. “We're safe here” She whispers softly, he nods and then stands so he can kiss her.

“A few days” he whispers against her lips, she nods. She has been sticking to hunts close by just to keep him happy, never travelling too far from him, and not just for him, she does it for herself too, to never be too far from him, she actually has a good home life now, something worth returning to. Someone she loves.

…........

Bucky touches the back of the couch where a thick weaved blanket rests before he lifts it up and drapes it over Sydney who sleeps on the item of furniture. She's only just got back from her hunt and crashed. She hums and shifts, pulling the blanket closer to herself before settling again. Bucky smiles and shakes his head. For a big bad vampire, she can't half be utterly adorable. He leaves her a note, just telling her that he is going to the market and will be back soon. He's going to cook her dinner, a sort of welcome home thing. He does it every single time she comes home. So she knows how much he's missed her.

….......

Bucky hums to himself as he browses a fruit stall, he's wanting to make a pie for after dinner, usually, he goes for cherry or apple, traditional and safe, but he's going to branch out, try something new. He's been doing that a lot. Trying new things. Because of Sydney. She's destroyed his inner walls. Made him normal. And he doesn't mind one single bit. He loves this life. Their safe harbour. He picks up a plum from the stall and turns it around in his hand, testing it.

“Are they good?” Bucky asks the vendor who nods, Bucky hums a little. “Give me six, thank you”

….........

Bucky heads home, his bag of fruit held against his chest. A hop in his step. He knows Sydney is waiting for him back at the apartment. Sensing eyes on him, Bucky turns his head, seeking out the source. Across the street, he spots a vendor at a news-stand watching him. Bucky glances away, then looks back at the vendor who's still watching him. The vender then runs from his kiosk. Bucky crosses the street to the news-stand and picks up a paper. On the front page, there are surveillance-photos of a man and the headline: 'Winter Soldier cautat pentru Bombardmentul din Viena'. Bucky glances around tensely and then realises.

“Syd” He whispers and walks away, desperate to get back to their apartment.

Chapter Text

Sydney sits on her couch, her ears focused on the stairway beyond the front door. Something is happening. Something is in the air. She can feel it. Something is coming and it is going to ruin everything they have built here. She flicks at a bit of fluff on her jeans and then snaps her eyes to the door as it opens, a figure that is definitely not Bucky walks in, closing the door behind him before he turns to survey the room, his eyes landing on her. He's huge and blonde and wearing red, white, and blue. She cocks her head a little as he studies her. Trying to figure this out. He takes a step closer to her, her eyes scanning over his suit, he's American, that is clear, it's plastered all over him. Something in the back of her mind tells her she knows who this is, some news story from the States years back, but she doesn't care who he is, she only cares about why he is here, and she can put two and two together. She knows what he wants.

“I'm looking for someone,” he tells her then realises that she might not actually speak English. “Romanian?” He asks her.

“I'm American” She assures him. He relaxes slightly, reaches up and takes off his mask, trying to appear less threatening to her.

“I'm Steve Rogers...” He offers, she glares at him and stands from her couch, adjusts her shirts slightly and lets out a breath. That name she knows. Bucky has whispered the name in his sleep, talked about him when awake. He is here for Bucky. But she is not giving him up. Because if Bucky goes with Steve, she will lose him.

“You can't have him” She warns him. He straightens, knows who she is talking about.

“Bucky is my friend and I am trying to help him,” Steve tells her.

“James” She corrects him. Whilst she knows he was formerly known as Bucky, the man he is now, is James. Her James. And no one is going to take him away from her. They've been through too much to get here, she is not losing him. “Just leave him here...where he's happy”

“I wish it was that simple” He admits. “But people are coming for him....to take him in”

“They can't have him either” She quickly snaps at him. Steve steps closer to her, Sydney holds up her head, standing strong and unafraid before him, she is not afraid of him, and she can take him if need be.

“Heads up, Cap. German Special Forces, approaching from the south.” A voice states into Steve's ear, Sydney cocks her head listening. He might be telling the truth about people coming for Bucky, but she can protect him just fine without his help. Steve presses a finger to the communication device in his ear.

“Understood” He relays to his teammate. He pulls his finger back and sighs a little. “Look” He starts for Sydney. “I know you mean well...”

“Get away from her” Bucky warns from behind Steve, his gun trained on the back of Steve's head. His voice is hard and firm. He reads it as a threat against Sydney. And that's not happening on his watch. Nothing and no-one is going to hurt her.

“Do you know me?” Steve asks him, Bucky glares at him, still unhappy that this man is stood between him and Sydney.

“You're Steve. I read about you in a museum.” Bucky answers though.

“They've set the perimeter.” The voice tells Steve again.

“I know you're nervous. And you have plenty of reason to be. But you're lying.” Steve points out, Sydney looks between them before she moves to the window, she brushes the curtain aside and peers down to the street, armed men are approaching the complex.

“I wasn't in Vienna. I don't do that anymore.” Bucky defends himself, his eyes flicking to Sydney who glances back at him. He can read it in her eyes. What she's seen. He's brought this on her.

“They're entering the building.” She hears from Steve's earpiece, her mind working to figure out how to deal with this.

“Well, the people who think you did are coming here now. And they're not planning on taking you alive.” Steve warns Bucky who nods.

“That's smart. Good strategy.” He offers.

“This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck,” Steve tells him, Bucky adjusts his grip on his gun.

“It always ends in a fight.” Bucky corrects him, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

“You pulled me from the river. Why?” Steve asks Bucky.

“I don't know.” Bucky answers.

“Yes, you do,” Steve argues, Bucky takes a step closer to him just as a grenade crashes through the window. Bucky kicks it to Steve, and he smothers it with his shield. The cop slams the battering ram against the door. Bucky shields himself with the mattress against an attack from the window. Sydney blocks the door with a table as cops swing in on cables. Steve pulls the rug from under a policeman, sending him flying. Bucky slams another policeman into the wall.

“Syd!” Bucky shouts as she throws a policeman back out the window he came through. Bucky spins looking for her, she blows her hair from her face and looks at him, she nods, she's with him. And that's a problem for him. She's going to get hurt here. These people aren't messing around. They're here to kill. And it's all his fault.

“Buck, stop! You're gonna kill someone.” Steve snaps. Bucky slams Steve down and punches a hole in the floor.

“I'm not gonna kill anyone.” Bucky counters as he grabs a backpack from under the floorboards and throws it out of the window. Bucky moves to Sydney and grabs her face in his hands before he kisses her. Really puts his everything into this kiss, he pulls back a little. “You need to run” he whispers to her.

“No, I'm not going anywhere” She argues, he nods.

“Yes,” He counters and nudges her nose. “They can't have you” He assures her. They both know that if the government, any government get their hands on her and figure out what she is, it would mean experimentation. And he won't allow that. Sydney spins them both out of the way of gunfire, Bucky raising his hand to repels the bullets. He knows she's not going to run, she is not going to leave him to this. He needs to make sure that she's going to be safe. And he can only think of one way to stop her from getting involved. She isn't going to like it, and neither is he, but it's the only way now. He hugs her tightly. “I love you” He whispers in her ear, his hand coming up to her neck. He snaps her neck and she goes limp in his arms. He closes his eyes and sets his forehead to hers.

“Buck” Steve scolds him. 

“She's fine” Bucky argues, quickly, as he sets Sydney on the couch. “She will be fine” He whispers and then shoots Steve a look, he then moves as more policemen enter the apartment. Bucky shoves Steve and he knocks a cop over. Bucky holds up his metal hand and repels bullets, then slams a cop into shelves. Bucky picks up a large cement brick and slams it into a cop whilst Steve fights a cop on the balcony. A cop shoots around the door outside and Bucky punches through the wall beside the door. He lays into the cops waiting for him, letting out his anger and hurt on them, knowing he's lost Sydney now, he can't come back, he can't return to her. A cop descends through a sky-light on a zip wire. Bucky grabs the cop's gun and slams him into the wall. Bucky bashes a couple of cops with the battering ram as more of the police team hurry up the stairwell.

Chapter Text

Sydney gasps as she wakes, there is a scream of surprise and alarm close by but she's more concerned about herself right now. She reaches up and touches her neck, frowning. He snapped her neck. She lets out a breath and closes her eyes. She gets why he did it. She knows she would have stayed and fought and likely end up captured. And she knows why he was worried about that outcome. She doesn't want to be a test subject as much as he doesn't want her to be one. Snapping her neck was the only way for her to get out of there. The only way she was leaving him. He was trying to protect her. She finally looks around to where there is a voice, speaking down the phone in hurried tones. Some form of a doctor watching her as he talks into the phone against his ear, calling for help, because this has never happened to him before. Sydney takes a breath and looks around. She was actually brought to the morgue, which is actually a first. She looks down at herself. Naked. They were pretty damn close to going full autopsy on her as well. She looks back at the doctor who is staring at her.

"Where are my clothes?" She asks, he points with shaky hands towards her clothing, folded into a clear evidence bag. She hums a little and swings her legs over the side of the cold metal bench before hopping down.

..............

Sydney keeps her hood over her head as she watches military and government swarm her apartment building. She's not getting in there any time soon. Not during the day anyway. She has to wait for the sun to set, then she can slip in, grab what she needs, if it is still there, and then leave again. She needs to get out of the city. Out of the country. She just needs to leave. Put as much distance between herself and this place and the memories that are here. She reaches up and brushes the tears from her cheeks. She needs to go. She backs into the alley and then vamp-speeds away.

................

It's silent when Sydney finally gets into her apartment, the guy that is supposed to stop people in, clearly some form of an intern because he is not doing his job very well. She lets out a breath as she looks over the mess that has been left. They've trashed her home. She looks around sadly before she moves to the bedroom. They've touched everything. She pulls up a couple of floorboards to reveal a safe underneath. Not everything. At least they haven't found this. She opens it up and pulls out her passport and some cash, just enough to get her started again somewhere else. Nothing else really matters. The clothing she can just replace. Her books can be replaced. She steps closer to a shelf as she tucks away her passport. Her eyes are saddening. She picks up a figurine from the shelf and smiles sadly at it. It's the first goat figurine Bucky brought home. She runs her thumb over the edges of the goat and sighs. She's really going to miss all this stuff. She's going to miss everything about this place. She sits on the floor as she cries, an arm around her legs as she buries her head against her knees. Everything just hitting her. That it's gone. All of it is over. Of course, she wasn't ever going to actually get happily ever after.....she's a monster, monsters don't get happy endings.

.........

Sydney walks through the nearest airport, her heels clicking away at the tiled floor, hurried but calm. She is not wanting to raise suspicion by running or rushing, but she needs to leave this city before it breaks her. And she knows if she stays here any longer she will break. There is too much of her life here intertwined with Bucky. She can't stay.

"Where to, Miss?" The clerk asks her from behind his desk, Sydney sighs and shrugs.

"Surprise me" She answers, the clerk frowns at her. "I'm serious...just anywhere, I don't care, just want to get out of this city, whatever flight is leaving next" He nods and types away on his computer.

"There is a flight to Paris leaving in thirty minutes" He offers.

"Perfect," She tells him and she hands over her credit card, he makes the transaction and prints off her ticket. He hands over her ticket and her card before she nods and walks away. Paris is good. Somewhere she and Bucky were meant to go. She can at least go herself. Even if she is now completely alone. She takes a deep breath, trying to control her feelings, she is not going to cry, she can't cry, because she knows that if she cries she will never stop. And right now, she has to concentrate on getting out of here.

Chapter Text

Bucky is locked up in a secure, very secure pod with a UN bunker, he's not sure where, which country he is in, but he is far from Sydney, that much he does know. He can feel it. He knows he did the right thing in breaking her neck to stop her. She would be here. Or worse. Somewhere else being hurt. He couldn't have that. He would never have forgiven himself. He glances up as the door to the room opens, a man entering with a few files tucked under his arm. He closes the door behind him and then approaches Bucky's pod. He sits at a desk facing Bucky's pod, Bucky's fingers curl into the arms of the chair, restrained and held down.

“Hello, Mr Barnes. I've been sent by the United Nations to evaluate you. Do you mind if I sit? Your first name is James?” He asks Bucky. “I'm not here to judge you. I just want to ask you a few questions. Do you know where you are, James? I can't help you if you don't talk to me, James”

“My name is Bucky,” Bucky argues. Only Sydney gets to call him James. She is the only one. That is their thing. Her James. Just hers. And he can't hear it from someone else. It's not fair.

…........

On one of the levels above, Steve studies a blurry photograph of the man who bombed the congress in Vienna, Sam Wilson and Sharon Carter both stand with him as he worries over these events, whilst on one hand, he's found his best friend, but on the other, they've pretty much all been arrested.

“Why would the Task Force release this photo, to begin with?” Steve asks.

“Get the word out, involve as many eyes as we can?” Sharon offers but sounds unsure herself.

“Right. It's a good way to flush a guy out of hiding. Set off a bomb, get your picture taken. Get seven billion people looking for the Winter Soldier.”

“You're saying someone framed him to find him.” Sharon realises.

“Steve, we looked for the guy for two years and found nothing.” Sam reminds Steve.

“We didn't bomb the UN. That turns a lot of heads.” Steve counters.

“Yeah, but that doesn't guarantee that whoever framed him would get him. It guarantees that we would” Sharon points out, her gaze falls on the evaluator in the screen, her eyes narrow slightly. Steve frowns.

“Yeah.” He sighs. “What about the girl?”

“DOA” Sharon answers not taking her eyes off of the screen. “Emergency services called it at the scene” she adds. “They took her to the morgue...” Sharon then nods a little. “She got up and walked out” Steve snaps his head around.

“What?” He asks her, she nods back.

“Scared a morgue technician into peeing his pants” Sharon adds, Steve gives her a look back. “I've got people attempting to track her” Sharon answers.

…...........

Bucky still watches his evaluator, eyes sharp and cautious. Something about him rubs him up the wrong way. He doesn't like him. Doesn't like being here. Doesn't like being away from Sydney.

“Tell me, Bucky. You've seen a great deal, haven't you?”

“I don't want to talk about it,” Bucky grumbles.

“You fear that… if you open your mouth, the horrors might never stop. Don't worry.” The evaluator/Zemo gets a message on his screen: 'message inbox:1' touches it 'status: package delivered'. “We only have to talk about one.” He adds and then looks back at Bucky as the lights go out, descending the room into darkness before the emergency lighting comes on, giving the room an eerie red aura.

“What the hell is this?” Bucky asks.

“Why don't we discuss your home? Not Romania. Certainly not Brooklyn, no. I mean, your real home.” Zemo removes his glasses then walks towards Bucky reading from the red book by torchlight. “Желание.” (Longing.)

“No” Bucky pleads, his head snaps back but it doesn't have the wanted effect on him. Something softer is settling in him. He blinks and then closes his eyes. Loses himself in what he sees behind his eyelids.

….......

A memory. Two years back now. The first time he'd seen Sydney. She'd been sitting outside a small coffee shop, their coffee shop, her headphones in her ears, sunglasses over her eyes. Her jeans are torn and ripped down the legs, her shirt hanging loose, jacket folded over the back of her chair. Her heel tapping against the chair leg to the beat of her music. She was beautiful and his heart ached. It longed for her. She changed the meaning of that word. Changed it just by existing. Before he'd even spoken to her. Spent time with her.

…..........

“Ржавый.” (Rusted.) Zemo continues, and yet again, nothing bad comes from the word. Nothing changes in him. Not the way it should. This isn't working.

…..........

Another memory floods him. Bucky is sat in a bathroom, a toolbox at his side as he glares at the pipes under the sink.

“This whole system is rusted” He complains as Sydney wraps her arms around his neck, nuzzling in as he tries to work, but he wants to give in so much. Their new apartment needed work when they moved in. And he put himself on the job. Wanting to make it perfect. Most of the pipes in the bathroom are rusted beyond repair. But he is going to do his best. He pulls Sydney around and into his lap. She chuckles and brushes her fingers through his hair, he leans into her touch and closes his eyes.

…............

“Семнадцать.” (Seventeen.) Zemo reads. But Bucky internally smiles. Nothing but good. Nothing but Sydney. She fixed him. Fixed him without even knowing, without even meaning to. Everything they did together. Every moment. Every touch. Healed him. “Рассвет.” (Daybreak.) “Печь.” (Furnace.) “Девять” (Nine.) “Добросердечный.” (Benign.) Bucky curls his fingers into his palm and takes a breath. He still has these memories, he can still enjoy them whilst this man attempts to unlock the Winter Soldier, it's not going to happen. “Возвращение на Родину” (Homecoming.) “Один.” (One.) “Грузовой вагон” (Freight car.) Zemo slowly rounds the pod with the book and the torch in hand. He shines the torch into the pod. “Солдат?” (Soldier?) He asks, Bucky lowers his head and then smiles, his eyes on Zemo.

“It didn't work” Bucky offers, relieved and amazed. One tiny blonde American vampire saved his life.

“Then we will try again” Zemo counters and looks back down at the book. “Желание, Ржавый, Семнадцать, Рассвет, Печь, Девять, Добросердечный, Возвращение на Родину, Один, Грузовой вагон” Zemo repeats, but yet again, nothing happens. Bucky is actually free of Hydra's hold on him. Bucky actually laughs and rests his head back. He's free of them. Steve and Sam hurry into the room. Red emergency lights flash all around now. Steve grabs Zemo and shoves him against the wall as Sam checks on Bucky's pod integrity.

“Who are you? What do you want?” Steve asks Zemo.

“To see an empire fall.” Zemo answers. Steve frowns at that before looking back at the pod.

“Buck?” He asks.

“I'm fine” Bucky answers as he adjusts himself in his seat. It's not like he can do a lot but he can at least make sure he is comfortable. He feels better about this. Like a weight has been lifted from his soul.

A/N - OBVIOUSLY I AM TAKING CIVIL WAR IN A DIFFERENT PATH, JUST TO FIT BETTER. I LIKE TO THINK THAT SYD DID HAVE A GOOD EFFECT ON BUCKY, THAT HER LOVE CHANGED HIM. 

Chapter Text

Steve stands with his arms over his chest, his eyes on Zemo as he is cuffed, but he still has a bad feeling about all of this. Something telling him to be cautious. He lets out a breath and shakes his head. They were played. Easily. All of them. Even in this place, this bunker that is filled to the brim with special forces and intelligence agents, were fooled by this one man.

“We'll transport him to a more secure facility” Sharon states as she and Steve watch policemen escort Zemo away. “Find out what he was after” Steve nods and then heads back into the room where Bucky is still restrained in his pod.

“All he thought he had to do was say the goddamn words” Bucky offers as he watches Steve.

“How did you resit it?” Sam asks, leaning against the wall, Bucky shrugs a little and looks away. Steve realises though.

“The girl” Steve offers. “Syd?” Bucky looks at him.

“She okay?” Bucky asks him, Steve nods as Sam picks up the papers from the floor, papers that Zemo brought with him, notepads and the red book.

“She got up and walked out of the morgue, so I would say she's okay, yeah” Steve answers, Bucky nods a little. “Who is he?” Steve asks.

“I don't know,” Bucky admits.

“The bombing, the setup. The doctor did all that just to get 10 minutes with you. I need you to do better than 'I don't know.'” Sam looks up from the notebook in his hand, the same one that Zemo had been scribbling in.

“He wanted to know about Siberia.” Sam offers, Bucky looks at him. Sam sets the notebook against the glass of the pod so Bucky can read it.

“That's where I was kept,” Bucky admits and looks at Steve. “He wants to know exactly where” Bucky realises.

“Why would he need to know that?” Steve counters.

“Because I'm not the only Winter Soldier,” Bucky admits sadly.

“What do we do here?” Sam asks Steve who is watching Bucky. Steve takes a breath and nods before he steps closer to Bucky's pod.

“Steve?” Bucky asks.

“If we learnt this yesterday, or a week ago...” Steve starts and looks back at Sam. “What would we do?”

“We'd go to Siberia...check out the facility” Sam answers, Steve nods. “But this isn't last week. There are new rules”

“And I'm not asking you to break them, Sam” Steve assures him as he unlocks Bucky's pod with Sharon's identification card. “We can do this without you, but.....” Bucky looks at Steve as the cuffs around his wrists. “We can't leave this alone as an unknown, if there are more Winter Soldier's out there....we have to make sure that they cannot hurt anyone else” Bucky nods in agreement. Sam sighs and then nods.

“Well, come on, you know I'm in....” Sam assures them both. “But this isn't going to make us any friends and we need to go before they figure out what we're doing” Steve nods in agreement and looks at Bucky.

…..........

Sydney sits on the plane heading for Paris, her headphones in her ears to drown out all the ambient noises around her. People talking. The inflight movies. The flight attendants making the rounds. She just needs silent. She holds the goat figurine in her lap, she couldn't leave it behind, she just couldn't bring herself to leave it. It might just be the last and only thing that she has to remind herself of their whole relationship. She'll land in Paris, probably stick around a couple of weeks, then leave again. She needs to find a new home. Somewhere away from everyone that might know her. She needs to start fresh, she just needs a few weeks to work through all of this.

….........

A month later:

Steve walks with Bucky as they head towards the Avenger Facility. It's been a weird month. Bucky's had to adjust to things, his life was Sydney, that flat, his handy work and waking up every morning with her not there at his side, sucks. His mood has been getting worse too. But an olive branch has been handed out. He has been allowed to return to the States, to New York. To the Avengers' facility. And he agreed. He needs their help to find Sydney, because he and Steve struck out.

“Are you sure about this?” Steve asks Bucky who nods.

“I can't keep running” Bucky offers. “And these people are the only ones that have the equipment I need to find Syd” Steve nods a little. Sharon and her team had absolutely no luck in tracking Sydney across Bucharest, Bucky honestly didn't think they would. “And you are sure that....he is okay with me being here?”

“He's calmed down a lot” Steve answers. “But there are a few ground rules” Bucky gives him a look, wanting him to elaborate. “Basically....stay clear of Tony”

“Well, I wasn't going to ask him to play softball with me” Bucky counters, Steve snorts a little. He has seen a side to Bucky he wasn't sure he was going to get back after their clash in Washington two years ago, he thought that this side of him had been destroyed by Hydra, and Steve knows that the only reason this Bucky is back, is because of Sydney. Bucky's spoken a lot about her the last month. Steve knows just how important this woman is to him, that she is the only reason things worked out better than expected in Bucharest. And Steve wants to help find her, to give Bucky that sliver of happiness he found. He, honestly, feels terrible that they split up, because of some grief-stricken Sokovian that just...lost everything. It's hard to blame Zemo when they dug a little deeper. “Look, I'll do whatever I have to, so I can use their computers and stuff, I need to find her, Steve...” Steve touches his friend's shoulder and squeezes.

….............

Sydney sniffles and picks up her phone as it rings, unknown number flashing over the screen. She contemplates ignoring it. She really does. She's not in the mood for any human contact. She glances out the window, a view of the Eiffel Tower beyond. She has yet to leave Paris. But she has to and this might be work, this might give her her direction. She looks down at the phone.

“Hello?” She asks as she answers the phone, her voice croaking with disuse, she has barely said a word in the month she has been here.

“Sydney?” A voice asks her, she hums and sits up a little.

“Yeah” She answers and runs her fingers through her hair.

“Syd...it's Sam,” He tells her, her eyes widen. “Your...brother” He adds.

“No, I know...I know who you are” She assures him. “What....why are you calling me?”

“Because I....” Sam starts and then sighs. “I need you” He admits.

“Sammy” She whispers, he laughs sadly and she closes her eyes.

“You're my sister, and I love you, but this has gone on for far too long....you need to come home, right now” He scolds her. “I don't care why you left. I don't care that you've been gone, I just need my big sister to come home...please” His voice breaks with emotion and Sydney's eyes well up hearing his plea.

“Tell me what's wrong” She starts. “And I will think about it”

“It's Dean” He answers and clears his throat. “You need to come home” He repeats, she bites her lip and takes a deep breath, can sense the urgency in his tone.

“I don't know if that's a good idea, Sam...I'm sorry, I really am...”

“Get your butt back home right now, Syd, or so help me...I will find you and I will drag you all the way back myself” He warns her, she raises an eyebrow because she can tell how deeply serious he is.

“Okay,” She tells him. “Okay, I'll...find a flight” She assures him. “I'll call you when I know what's happening”

“Good” He whispers. “Thank you, Syd....” She hums and then hangs up. What a freakin' weird month this is turning out to be.

Chapter Text

Sydney has her cellphone pressed to her ear as she makes her way through the airport. There might actually be a good thing to come out of Sam calling her. It has taken her mind off of Bucky and her loss. She's now worried about whatever the hell is going on with Dean. For Sam to sound so pained and panicked and needy, it has to be something bad.

“I have to grab a connecting flight” She offers to Sam as she walks towards the check-in for her flight. “So it's going to take me a while....”

“How close are you getting?” He asks.

“Phillipsburg Municipal” She answers.

“Why is taking you so long?” He asks her, she hums a little.

“Well...I'm coming from Paris” She answers.

“Arkansas?” He asks.

“France” She answers, she can almost hear him processing that.

“Oh,” He whispers. “Okay, just text me before the connecting flight,” He tells her. “I'll drive out to pick you up when you land”

“You don't have to do that” She argues. “Just text me to address and I'll grab a rental”

“I'd rather just pick you up” He counters. She sighs a little.

“Fine...” She reluctantly offers. She was hoping for more time to think about a good excuse and reason why she still looks 25 years old, when she isn't that far off breaching 40. That's a sobering thought. She is almost 40 and has nothing to show for it.

….......

Sam shifts nervously on his feet. He hasn't seen his sister in 16 years. This is a big deal. He's imagined this a lot over the years. What Sydney might look like. Who she might be. The life she must have lived. He's imagined her looking like their mother. Like John, that was a little more horrifying. He's imagined her as a female Dean, as a female version of himself. He's imagined her with a family and alone. He doesn't know what he is expecting here. A blonde, beautiful woman steps out of the airport and blows her hair from her face, her eyes scanning around. He knows exactly who she is. She has barely changed. Her face is still the same. She is still so clearly Sydney. He waves at her and she cocks her head.

“Sam?” She asks, he nods and leans up from the car. “Holy shit” She comments. Sam smiles a little and looks down. She actually looks amazing for her age. Where ever she's been, France or whatever, has been good for her. “So...what the hell is going on?”

“That's a very long story” Sam answers and then motions to his car. “I'll tell you everything on the way...” She hums a little and gives him a look. “I just...”

“Okay,” She stops him. “Let's go” She holds up her bag and he nods and moves to the trunk, she follows him, her eyes on him because he is so different from the last time she saw him. He was this lanky skinny kid and now he's a full-blown man. All muscles, height and freakin' hair. He has so much hair. He opens the trunk and she sets her case into it.

….......

Sydney sits in silence as she processed everything that Sam has told her about their lives since she left. It's a lot. A lot more than her. She can't believe that they went through all of that and neither of them even thought to call her. They've seen more, done more, than her. Discovered a shit load more. Things that they could never have imagined.

“Why didn't either of you call me?” She whispers. “If things were this bad...” She looks at him. “Someone should have called me”

“Syd, Dean told me he called you” Sam defends. “Every time something big happened, he told me he called....” She frowns at him.

“I haven't changed my number in years; and even when I did, I always text it to Bobby” She assures him. “Dean has never called me” Sam frowns a little. Whilst Dean did tell him that he had called her, Dean has a habit of lying about stuff regarding Sydney and...a lot of other stuff. It's a problem for them. They both fall silent again, thinking about this whole thing. Sydney knew that Dean would likely be the one that was angriest over her leaving. But angry enough not to call her when there might be a chance of their death. They could have died and no one would have told her. She lets out a breath and looks out the car window.

“You okay?” Sam asks her, she hums and nods. “I know this is a lot to deal with....” She hums in agreement. “What about you?” He asks her. “What have you been doing? Where have you been?”

“I travelled” She answers. “Ended up in Bucharest for a while....” She glances at Sam. “Was hunting” he looks at her and then back at the road. “What else was I going to do?” She asks him. “Not good for anything else”

“You've been doing it alone?” He counters. “Syd...” He scolds her, she scoffs a little.

“Don't worry” She stops him. “Dad made sure I was perfectly equipped to be a hunter and nothing else” She crosses one leg over the other and shrugs. “I made do”

“What the hell happened?” He asks her. “Why did you leave?” She looks at him and frowns, he doesn't seem to know why she left. She assumed John would have said something.

“You don't know” She whispers, Sam shakes his head.

“No...no, Dad never said anything, he just....just went about everything as normal...” He glances at her. “What happened?”

“I don't want to talk about it” She warns through clenched teeth. She is not ready to talk about what happened with him, with either of them. They won't understand. She draws her arm around her stomach and clenches her jaw. Sam sighs and nods. He knows it's been a long time and things are going to be awkward and tense between them all. He just wanted his sister back after all these years, with everything that is going on, with Dean, she needs to be here too.

Chapter Text

Sydney closes the car door as she climbs out of it and looks around the garage Sam's parked them in. It's underground, she knows that much. And filled with vintage vehicles. It's got a cold air about the place. Sam climbs out of the car behind her and glances to her face as she takes in the bunker. He keeps thinking he will blink and this will be some daydream, that his sister is not back in his life, that she's not alive and well.

“You live in an underground bunker?” She asks slowly as Sam takes her bag from the trunk of the car.

“Yeah” He answers and rubs the back of his neck. “It's....kind of family thing” She hums a little and looks at him. “We found out that our family has a link with the men of letters,” He tells her. “They are this...organisation of...”

“I know who they are” She stops him, he cocks his head.

“You do?” He counters, she nods.

“Yeah. They are the brains to hunter brawn, right?” He nods in agreement. “So this is a men of letters bunker?” She asks him.

“Yeah, Henry was one, that makes us legacies” Sam offers, she scoffs and shakes her head. Typical. She is a legacy member of an organisation that tried to....well hurt her.

“Of course it does” She mumbles to herself as she heads deeper into the bunker. “If this place isn't depressing as hell” Sydney whispers as she heads through the halls of the bunker, it is literally dark and weirdly militaristic. The door shuts behind her with a heavy clunk as Sam follows after her. This whole place just gives her the creeps. She glances around and frowns a little hearing no other people in the bunker, she turns to Sam. “So where is he?” She asks.

“That's what I need your help with” Sam answers as he takes the lead and then heads into the library. Sydney raises an eyebrow because she has to admit that this is an impressive collection of books. “He took off” He admits. “But...Syd....he died” She raises an eyebrow at him. “He got the Mark of Cain to defeat this knight of hell, Abaddon, and then....well...it corrupted him, then he was killed....and then he took off....” She gives him a look, but people coming back from the dead, not all that.....unique in their world.

“The Mark of Cain?” She asks him. “Let me guess, some....biblical curse”

“Basically, yes” Sam agrees.

“Oh,” She states and then takes a breath. “So why do you think I would have better luck finding him?”

“Not in finding him” Sam counters. “In talking to him, into getting through to him, getting him to come home” She snorts and shakes her head.

“It's been years, Sam, whatever bond we used to share, it doesn't exist any more....” Sam sighs and shrugs.

“We can still try” He argues. “We have to” She sighs a little and nods.

“Okay,” She agrees. “Okay, but...if this doesn't work, if your grand plan of shoving his twin sister in his face, doesn't work....”

“I know” He stops her. “But hair brained plans are kind of a Winchester speciality, right?” She hums in agreement.

“Yeah, I suppose so” She states and then walks away. “I'm going to hit the shops” She offers. “I assume you have no food in....” She waves over her shoulder as she goes. Sam sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. At least she is here.

…..................

Sydney sits at the table in the library, her knees pulled up to her chest as she scrolls through the photos on her phone. This is all she has left of her relationship with Bucky now. She has no idea if he is alive, or dead, or captured. And to be honest, she is trying very hard not to dwell on any of those options. Especially the bad ones. She sighs and sets her phone down before leaning back in her seat, fingers pressing into her eyes. She's not going to sleep. She hasn't slept since, well, since Bucharest. And it's not like it can kill her to go without. She is just finding it difficult to sleep in an empty bed, and a bed that is not her own, not her sheets, not her walls. She lowers her hands and groans. Sam walks into the library rubbing at his eyes but pauses when he sees Sydney sat at the table, she waves a little, he offers her a smile and moves to the small drinks table.

“Couldn't sleep either, huh?” Sam asks as he pours them both a drink.

“Jet lag” She answers, he nods a little and moves to the table.

“Syd” He starts as he sets a drink in front of her before taking a seat across from her. “I know I already asked, but....” She sighs a little. Already knows what is coming. “I just...” He taps his fingers on the table. “Why didn't you ever call? Or text...or email.....why did you leave?”

“Sam, no” She scolds and gives him a look. “I know you mean well, but this is not something...I want to talk about.....” She leans on the table a little and smiles at him. “I am proud of you though, Stanford....” She lets out a breath. “Wow”

“It's not like I finished....or got my law degree” Sam argues.

“Still got in” She counters. “Still....stuck it to dad” She draws her finger around the rim of her glass. They share a look, he might not know what happened to make her leave, but he can guess that John was the one behind him. Of course, he was. Sydney would never have left unless John had pushed her over that line. Unless he gave her no choice. “You know” She starts. “Bobby called me when...when Dad...died” She admits. “Called me to....come back” She shrugs a little. “Sorry I didn't....”

“It's okay” He whispers and picks up his own drink. “Been a rough twenty years for all of us, I guess.” She gives him a sad smile. “Were you happy?” He asks her. “Wherever you were”

“Yeah” She answers. “I was...for a while anyway”

“What happened?” He questions and then realises. “Was it me?”

“No” She stops him. “No...it turns out that when you shack up with a former Soviet assassin...it can come to back to bite you in the ass”

“What?” He asks her.

“Long story,” She tells him and then lifts her glass to her lips before she downs the entire thing. “Okay, I am going to try and sleep” She stands from her seat before walking away. Sam watches her go before frowning.

“What?” He repeats to himself.

…........

Bucky lays awake in his bed at the Avenger facility, it's a nice room, a comfy bed, there is even a tv on the wall. It's....nice. But it's not the same. The bed is cold and empty. The walls dull and boring. There are none of his goat items. None of Sydney's floral candles. Nothing to remind him of her and what they had. Bucky lets out a breath and sits up, resting back against the headboard. It's just not the same without her sleeping next to him. And it was for nothing. Everything worked out in the end. She probably would have been fine. He would have made sure she was fine. She could have stayed with him. But the risk at the time was too high. There is a folder that lays open beside him on the bed. Everything he has found so far on Sydney. And not surprisingly, there is not a lot. He knew there wouldn't be much to help him find her. She was running from her past. He touches the file and sighs. Someone knows on his door and Bucky sends a glare at it before standing from the bed to answer it. Steve stands outside of his door, he gives his friend a look and Bucky shoots him a glare back, knowing that Steve is here to talk him into going to sleep.

“Friday told me you were still awake” Steve points out, Bucky shrugs a little. “You're going to have sleep at some point”

“I'll sleep when I find her” Bucky argues.

“Buck, come on, it's going to take time....but you've got to sleep. I know you miss her, and I am sure she knows it too” Steve offers. “But you are going to burn yourself out and then you will be no good to anyone” Bucky lets out a breath and nods.

“Yeah, I know” He agrees. “Just feels weird....being in an empty bed”

“Do you want to talk about her?” Steve asks, Bucky shakes his head.

“No” He admits and then moves back to his bed. “Just want to find her” Steve watches him sadly before nodding, he knows how much Bucky needs this, and it upsets him that he can't help, he doesn't know the girl like Bucky does, only he can find her.

“Well, try to get some sleep” Steve warns him as he closes the door, Bucky closes his eyes listening to it click. He lets out a breath and sits heavily on his bed.

Chapter Text

Sydney follows Sam through the bunker as he heads towards the garage, she has a cute little annoyed and confused frown on her face, her hair pulled back. Her clothing has taken on a more hunter aesthetic that seems to have come from being around her brother again, even just a few days. Which is probably a bad sign, that she falls back into her old ways so quickly.

“So after all of the trouble you went through to get me to come back” She complains. “You want me to stay put whilst you go and get him...?” She asks with a frown because that makes no sense to her. Sam asked her to help him with Dean, and now that they have a location on him, Sam wants her to stay here, in the bunker.

“I just think it would be best to keep you a secret until I know what sort of state he is in” Sam defends. “I don't want him to hurt you” She softens a little and then shakes her head.

“Sam, just like you two, I am perfectly capable of looking after myself...” She reminds him.

“Please, Syd” He whispers. “Just stay here....” He then turns and heads off towards the garage without her, she rolls her eyes and takes a deep breath.

…..........

Sam stares one of the cars in the garage, ready to leave when the passenger side door opens and Sydney climbs into the car, ignoring his look. There is no way in hell that he is leaving her behind. He dragged her into this mess.

“I thought I told you to stay put” He points out.

“Well, I hate being told what to do so I ignored you” She counters and gives him a look back, he sighs and then nods. “You cannot drag me all the way back into this freak show and then sideline me...” She scolds him. “So...let's go get our brother back” Sam smiles a little and then nods.

…........

Dean is sitting at a piano in the bar. He plays a few notes but his mind is elsewhere. He takes out the First Blade and slices open his left palm. It instantly heals. Behind him, Sam slowly approaches him.

“Hiya, Sam.” Dean greets and then looks at the bartender wiping down the bar. “Hey, Harv, why don't you go grab a smoke?” He looks at Dean and then leaves the two of them together. Dean looks at Sam's slinged arm. “Who winged you?”

“Does it matter?” Sam counters.

“Not really” Dean agrees and then reaches for his drink on the top of the piano. “I told you to let me go.”

“You know I can't do that,” Sam argues as Dean takes a sip from his glass. “By the way, your, uh, pal Crowley...Sold you out”

“Sounds like him” Dean then stands as Sam moves closer. Dean's fingers wrapping around the blade's handle.

“Dean, hold on a second” Sam tries. “You don't have to do this. Look, we know how to cure demons. You remember that?”

“Little Latin, lot of blood. It rings a bell. Did you ever stop to think that if I wanted to be cured, I wouldn't have bailed?” Dean asks his brother.

“That was Crowley.” Sam points out.

“It really wasn't” Dean argues with a smile.

“It doesn't matter, all right? 'Cause whatever went down, whatever happened, we will fix it.” Sam offers.

“Will we? 'Cause right now, I'm doing all I can not to come over there and rip your throat out... with my teeth.” Dean warns. “I'm giving you a chance, Sam. You should take it.”

“I'm gonna have to pass,” Sam admits.

“Well, I'm not walking out that door with you. I'm just not. So, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna kill me?” Dean asks as he leans against the bar.

“No.”

“Why? You don't know what I've done. I might have it coming.”

“Well, I don't care. Because you are my brother. And I'm here to take you home”

“Hmm. Ah!” Dean laughs humourlessly. “You're my brother, and I'm here to take you home.” He mocks as he pours himself another drink. “Yeah, what is this, a Lifetime movie? Huh? With your puppy-dog eyes?” Dean continues laughing. “Oh, thanks, Sammy. I needed that.” Sam takes out a pair of sigil etched handcuffs from his pocket. “You really think those are gonna work?”

“There's one way to find out.” Sam moves closer to Dean, just then, tear gas comes flying in the window and Sam dissolves in a fit of coughing. Dean has vanished. Sam stumbles outside where a figure, Cole, is waiting to knock him unconscious. Dean suddenly appears behind Cole who spins and pulls his gun on Dean.

“Wow. It's really you.”

“We met?” Dean asks.

“Talked on the phone,” Cole admits.

“Right. Right. You're the guy who's supposed to put a bullet in Sammy's brain. Did you miss?” Dean asks.

“Well, I had a better idea. I figure if I let your bro escape, he'd go running to you, and all I had to do was just tag along. And now here we are, finally...Dean Winchester.”

“Great. A groupie.”

“You remember me?” Cole asks him.

“Yeah, yeah. You're that guy from that thing.”

“Nyack, New York, June 21, 2003.” Cole offers when he realises that Dean does not actually know who he is.

“That supposed to ring a bell?” Dean asks.

“It was the night you gutted and murdered a man by the name of Edward Trenton. He was my father.” Cole answers.

“Okay,” Dean states with a shrug.

“Okay?” Cole asks, frowning with how unaffected Dean appears to be.

“Well, hey, I'm not saying I didn't slice and dice your old man. I'm just saying that he wasn't the first, and he certainly wasn't the last, and they all just kind of get blended up”

“I saw you...That night...After. You let me live. That was dumb -- real dumb. I spent half my life training for this moment. I've played out this fight a thousand times in my mind. And I know all about you, Dean-o. And you're good. Oh, you're real good. But, you see, I'm better”

“Prove it. Take a shot.” Dean provokes slightly.

“Now, that's not payback” Cole holsters his gun and draws his knife. “This is pay....” Cole stops short, stares at Dean before he falls forward, standing behind him is Sydney, holding a metal pipe, now stained with Cole's blood. She lets out a breath and throws the pipe aside before she looks at Dean, he lets out a snort.

“Sydney” He greets, she cocks her head. “Where the hell did he find you?” 

Chapter Text

Sydney glances over her brother as he stands before her. He's older. Which obviously is a given. It's been a long time. But he looks as old as she feels. His eyes are watching her too, studying her. Making note of the fact that she is a lot younger in appearance than she is supposed to be.

“Looks like I wasn't the only one to go dark, huh?” He asks her, suddenly smirking. “Wow...who would have seen that one coming? Daddy's little princess all fangs and hunger” The veins creep up under her eyes and she shrugs a little.

“I'm not someone you really want to fight” She offers. “So...” She shrugs and pulls a face. “Let's just get this over with. We'll fight. You'll lose....”

“You have some nerve” He counters, she rolls her eyes a little. “You think you can just walk back into my life...”

“Let me guess, I disappointed you...” She reaches up and touches her eye, drawing it down into a mock tear. “Made you sad?” He glares at her. Knows what she is trying to do. She wants him to fight her so she can have an excuse to punch him into unconsciousness, he can read her well enough. Can still read her, after all this time. She's predictable. “Mad?” She asks as she steps closer to him. “Hurt your feelings?” She pouts at him and smirks. “You were always such a needy little boy” He growls and steps closer to her now. “Go on” She whispers. “Let it out...come on...” He goes to hit her, but she grabs his wrist and spins him around, throwing him down onto the ground with some force. She presses her knee into his back and holds up her hand, Sam, now conscious, throws the handcuffs towards her and she catches them, snaps them down around Dean's wrists with a smirk. “So easy to read,” She tells him as she stands and hauls him up with her.

….......

Outside the bar, Dean is handcuffed to the back seat of the impala, something Sydney is surprised is still around considering its age. Sam and Crowley stand outside the car talking together. Sam has the First Blade in his hands.

“A pleasure doing business,” Crowley tells him.

“What are you gonna do with it?” Sam asks.

“Toss it into a volcano, leave it on the Moon. I'll get creative. Believe me, I don't want Dean getting his hands on the precious any more than you do. Your brother knows I ratted. He tends to hold a grudge. I don't want to get...Boned” Sam hands over Dean's blade to Crowley.

“This doesn't make us square. If I see you again....” Sam threatens Crowley who waves it off, not at all taking the threat seriously.

“Oh, stop it, Samantha. No one likes a tease.”

“Speak for yourself” Sydney teases as she walks towards them.

“My, my, my” Crowley greets as he looks over Sydney. “Where have you been hiding this creature?”

“This is our sister” Sam answers. “Syd”

“I know who she is” Crowley argues. “No one ever said she was a monster”

“Charmed, I'm sure” Sydney states as she folds her arms over her chest. “You're the demon, right?” She asks, Crowley hums and nods in agreement.

“What are you two talking about?” Sam asks the two of them.

“Your sister” Crowley answers. “She's a vampire” Sydney smirks a little and shrugs in agreement as Sam looks at her.

“Well...that was bound to come out at some point....” She offers. “You've had your ups and downs over the years, Sam...I've had mine” She nods to the car. “Shall we?”

….....

Sam climbs into the impala, Dean's eyes on Sydney as she buckles herself into the side passenger seat, then rests her hands in her lap. She knows what is coming from Sam. She can read it all over his face without having to look into his mind.

“Why didn't you say anything?” Sam asks as he starts the car, Sydney turns to him and gives him a look. “The vampire thing” He points out.

“Technically I'm a Strigoi, a....” She cocks her head. “Brother species of the vampire....so get it right and...It was none of your business” She counters and looks at him. “This is my curse to bear. My problem, and something I have been dealing with for a very long time....”

“How long?” Sam asks her, she hums, thinking and then lets out a breath.

“Ten...yeah, ten years” She answers. “And before you ask...no, I've never fed from a human....” She is quick to point out. “I survive off of blood bags from hospitals....or animals. Depending on what I have access to” She waves with her hand.

“And the sun?” Sam asks. “How do you...?”

“I found a way around it” She offers cryptically whilst spinning the ring on her finger. “Anything else?” She asks him. He clutches to the wheel and shakes his head.

“Not right now” He whispers. He knows that the vampire thing can't be why she left as that was sixteen years ago. This happened after she left. And by a few years. He feels like he barely knows who she is now. And he hates that. She's his big sister and there is barely any relationship here. He doesn't want to think about how Dean is going to react, the real Dean, is going to react to Sydney being back, and being a vampire. Dean isn't exactly pro-monster at the best of times. Sydney glances at Dean in the back, he smirks a little and she rolls her eyes.

Chapter Text

Sydney pulls what little she brought with her into her suitcase sat open on the bed. She's packing. She's leaving. Dean is back. He's human again. She did what she told Sam she would do. And she can't stay here any longer. She tried. Things have been very awkward since Sam cured Dean of his demonism. Mostly awkward between Dean and Sydney. Her vampirism. His pain. The angel who watches everything she does. Castiel is clearly very protective of Sam and Dean, even if that threat is their own sister. She knew staying wasn't an option.

“So I know things have been tense...” Dean starts as he walks through the open door. He holds a six-pack of beer, he pauses, his eyes glancing over her and then the suitcase. Dean scoffs and rolls his eyes. Of course, she's leaving. Running away is all she's good for. He's still angry, and she doesn't blame him. They were best friends. Twins. And in a single moment, it was all gone. She chose to be selfish one time in her life. And she lost everything because of it. She's still mad at herself too. Though not too mad, she wouldn't have met Bucky if she hadn't have left. She can never regret that part of her life. She loved him, still very much does, with every fibre of her being and she knows, deep down, that she won't ever find that kind of love again. It was special. “You're leaving?” He asks. She hums and sets her makeup bag into her case.

“I wasn't staying forever, Dean” She answers. “We both know this isn't going to work” He shakes his head and clenches his jaw.

“Run away,” Dean tells her with a scoff. “It's what you're good at”

“Dean” Sam scolds walking into the room, having heard him from outside, he might just have been snooping to see how Dean handled what Sam assumes would have been some form of reconciliation.

“No” Dean snaps back. “She wants to leave, nothing is stopping her from walking out on her family yet again” Sydney closes her eyes and then zips up her case.

“Yes, because that's what I am doing” She comments. “We're almost 40 years old, living under each other's feet is not normal...” She picks up her case and then starts to leave.

“Whatever happened....” Sam tries softer, stopping Sydney. “It doesn't matter any more,” He tells them both. “This has gone on long enough. We don't have so much family that we can afford to turn our backs on one another....” He looks at Sydney. “This ends now...” He adds. “It's been 16 years, we all need to grow up and deal with this as adults....” There is a silence after that. The three of them just waiting for someone else to make the first move. But Sam pushes a little. “Syd?” Sam asks, she sighs.

“Fine” She whispers and nods.

“Dean?”

“If she tells us why she left” Dean answers.

“Dean” Sam groans.

“No, she wants to stay....she tells us everything. It's all out in the open....we clear the air, here and now....” He folds his arms over his chest and looks at Sydney, waiting. She runs her fingers through her hair and drops her bag.

“Okay,” She whispers. She knew it would have to come out eventually. She knew that the why would push them and mess with them until one or all of them snapped. The fallout would likely be worse with the next blow out. “I was pregnant” She admits, Dean sort of just stares at her, trying to process what she's just said to him. She lets out a breath and shrugs, turning away a little.

“What?” Dean asks her.

“I found out I was pregnant” She repeats quieter. “And...Dad....he told me that.....” She closes her eyes and bites her lip. “He told me that I wasn't allowed to keep it....so I left.” Sam is watching her sadly and Dean still seems rather angry, but she is not sure it's just at her anymore.

“You could have told us” Sam points out, she looks at him and gives him a look.

“Sammy...the two of you would have just gone along with whatever Dad said” She counters. “It wouldn't have mattered what I wanted...” Sam looks down. She turns to Dean. “You knew how much I wanted to have a normal life” She whispers to Dean. And he did know. They talked about it. about her wanting to leave, but she always said she stay because she knew Dean would never give it up. “When I found out....” She shrugs and lets out a breath. “I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to be a normal person. Make connections that lasted more than a couple of weeks. Get a job. A house. Live my life with someone who loved me, cared about me....watch my child grow up, go to school, fall in love...” She looks down and blinks, letting a few tears slide down her cheek, she reaches up and brushes them away.

“Syd” Sam starts. “What happened?” He asks. “Where is it now?” She looks away from them both and pulls a face.

“Dead” She answers.

“Syd” Sam whispers, she hums and shrugs.

“Oh, don't get soppy” She scolds. “It died before it was....” She stops and clears her throat. “I had a miscarriage” She shrugs a little. “It was a long time ago....I've dealt with it”

“So why didn't you come back?” Dean asks her. “After...you could have come back” She shakes her head.

“No” She argues. “I couldn't....it wouldn't have been the same....and I couldn't let him win”

“Who?” Dean steps closer to her.

“Dad” She admits. “I couldn't just come back....to let him win. I was finally free of all that...control and pressure.”

“But you left me” Dean argues. “You walked out on me”

“It wasn't about you, Dean” She counters. “It was about what I needed....for the first time in a long time I thought about what I wanted...what I needed to do....and I didn't know if I would ever get another chance...” Dean looks away from her. She snorts and shakes her head. “And I was right...I won't ever get another chance”

…......

Sydney stands outside of the bunker watching the sunset beyond. She needed space to think about everything that's come out. They talked some more. Dean softening hearing how broken his sister was before she even left. John was ready to destroy life to keep control of his kids, of her. He was so determined to keep them all together that he didn't care about what Sydney wanted. About what would have made her happy.

“Syd” Dean's voice states from behind her, she glances over her shoulder at him. “About...how I've been.....I mean....what Dad did....”

“You didn't know” She offers with a shrug. Dean kicks the rock at his boot and lets out a breath before he moves to her side.

“I should have trusted you....” He whispers. “Should have realised you must have had a good reason to leave....” He looks down and scuffs his boot. “I'm sorry you lost your kid, Syd,” He tells her, her eyes water a little and she nods. “You would have made a really good mother. Looked after us enough over the years....and I'm sorry I've been so angry at you” She looks away and gives a side shrug. “I couldn't understand why you would leave...but I get it. You were doing what you thought was best to protect the life inside of you. Dad should never have said....” He clears his throat. “I want to say that I would have stood against him, but I don't think I would have....” She glances at him, she's not surprised, she knows this. “I was obedient, we all were....you were the first to....” He lets out a breath. “You were the brave one, Syd” he touches her arm. “How did you......” He motions to her. “You know....become a....vampire”

“Strigoi” She corrects him. “There is a difference” He hums a little. “To be honest.....I don't really know” she whispers. “The Strigoi....they usually stick to the Balkan countries....” She looks at him. “I know I was in Albania, just passing through really, when I saw this report in the paper....all those years of hunting, I knew the second I read it that it was something...I tracked him into Romania. I must have gotten too close to their nest or something.....” She lets out a breath and shakes her head. “Next thing I know...I wake up, side of the road....starving....” She shrugs. “I've tried really hard, Dean, to make this work for me. I don't want to die, and I know that having a 'vampire' in the family.....”

“Cas told us” He stops her. “That he trusts you”

“He did?” She asks. “Because he's basically been up my ass since he arrived” Dean shrugs.

“He's...confused” Dean admits. “He doesn't understand how you do it” She raises an eyebrow. “Fight your....monster nature as well as you do. He trusts you because he knows how hard you fight against yourself....he's actually very impressed” She snorts and shakes her head. “Stay?” He asks her. “I know I've been a bit of a dick and things won't be the same as when we were kids but...Sam's right, we're all the family we have left......” She lets out a breath.

“Okay,” She tells him and then nods. “I'll stay....for as long as this works, but...I'm so tired, if this...If we can't work, then I will go....” He nods, understands that, he holds out his hand to her and smiles, she takes it, letting him pull her into a hug, she closes her eyes and sinks into her brother's chest.

“Sam said you....you were shacked up” He teases a little when he pulls back. “He didn't want to come with you?” She lets out a breath and swallows slightly.

“No” She whispers and gives him a sad smile. “His past caught up to him a month before....Sam called me, he left to protect me...” She then clears her throat and shakes her head. “Soooo” She teases. “I've seen it....” She turns to walk backwards as they head back to the bunker. “You and...Cas” She points out, he looks away from her and clears his throat. “Is that a thing?”

“No” He argues. “Not...not anymore. It's complicated. We fought. I became a demon....” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“He crossed the country when Sam told him you were back here” She reminds him. “Without his powers. Just to see that you were okay” Dean glances at her. “I think that says more than you think....he clearly still cares....” She gives him a sad smile. “If you love him, fight for him, Dean, don't....let it go” He touches her arms and then pulls her into another hug, still trying to catch up to the fact she is actually here with them. Sam watches them from the door to the bunker, a soft smile on his lips. Seeing them together again, and not fighting.

….........

Bucky absentmindedly taps his fingers on a computer keyboard. He is running another search for Sydney. Everyday. At the same time. He is at this computer and he is working. He knew it would be hard to find her. She's an old pro at disappearing. But he thought that he would be the one to figure it out. That if anyone could find her, it would be him. Bucky lets out a breath and sets his forehead on the table beside the computer, closing his eyes. He knows, deep down, that this isn't the end, he can feel it, he will see her again, he will find her, but every day, week, that passes, he feels that hope disappearing. He needs her. He needs her in his life. This can't be it. So he will keep pushing himself for as long as he can. To find her. Because he will find her, come hell or high water, he will find his way back to her.