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Chapter Text

Two Hobos Find a Baby

Narrator: “A tale from America’s golden age in which a millionaire, in his quest for love, renounces his riches and disguises himself as a hobo. What man cannot relate to that? Only a man who has never loved.”

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Standing to their feet two vagabonds brush off their pants as the freight train they were previously aboard whistles off into the distance. The taller of the two tilts his straw hat and squints at a wooden sign a little ways off. 

“Tumbleberg…” He whispers to himself.

His companion’s aged face lights up.

“Banjo! did yous just say Tumbleberg!? Is that where we’s at? Why, I used to visit my grand papy here as a boy! I have a lot uh fine memories o' this place!”

As the two walked around the dry dusty town Banjo became increasingly aware of how empty the town was. 

“I do wonder where all the towns folk have gone off to. There is not a single personage, excluding us two, to be seen here!”

A tumbleweed tumbled along through the tall dry grass of Tumbleberg as the two men wandered further into what seemed to be a complete ghost town.

    “‘Halps they’ve all just gone ta church?” Gummy suggested.

    “Why, is it Sunday?” Inquired Banjo just honestly unsure. 

    Gummy shrugged.

“As far as we knows it is.”

    Banjo straightened his patched up coat and said, 

“Well then I propose that we search the town for a church in case it is in fact Sunday and any of the church gowers can point us in the direction of Moonshine Holler and the hobo princess.”

So the two searched, scrounged, and scrambled all about Tumbleberg searching for anyone at all and or a busy church. Eventually they’d found a few churches but they were all empty leading the two to discern that it could realistically be any day of the weak and that this town was simply a ghost town. 

    As the two wandered it became obvious that this town had been very recently abandoned. Many of the houses were fully furnished and upon searching numerous homes various fresh foods were discovered. While setting up a table with some of the produce and meats they had discovered in an icebox, as well as a few bottles of sarsaparilla they’d found in one of the home’s cellars, Banjo couldn’t help but think about how awfully strange this whole situation was. He wondered why the town had been abandoned in such a rush. 

    Banjo felt himself tense up suddenly.

“Say, Gummy? You don’t think we’re in danger of some sort of natural catastrophe do you?”

“Nope. Why? Do you?” 

Gummy was much too absorbed in his fresh meal to detect the air of unease surrounding Banjo. It had been years since he’d had chicken this tasty. Having lived on mostly canned beans and stale bread for months he really appreciated this meal.

“Well not necessarily… I was simply thinking how odd it is that whoever used to live here fled without taking much of anything with them.”

Gummy relished in his meal a bit more before responding,

“Maybe theys just knowd somethin’ that wese two don’t know.”

Just as Gummy was about to take another big bite of his cooked chicken his and Banjo’s ears were suddenly met with the terrible sound of men and woman screaming angrily followed by multiple gun shots.

Leaping to his feet Banjo cried out,

“My god! There were people here after all! Quickly we must find out what’s going on here!”

“Findin’ stuff out is the hobo way!” Gummy proclaimed as the two ran out the door of the random house they’d been in and towards the direction of where they’d heard the gunshots come from.

Chapter Text

When the two soon arrived at the location of the firing they froze. A look of sheer horror crossed their countenances and their eyes widened in shock.There on the ground lay the townsfolk they had been so eager to find, with guns in their hands, and fury in their eyes. There were perhaps a hundred or more men and women and a few children too. Everyone of them held a shotgun and they were all dead .

“Dear god!” Banjo exclaimed falling to his knees.

“W-what would drive the townsfolk to do this to themselves!”

His hobo mentor began to cry and shake all over. Banjo grabbed his arm and rushed them back to the home they had previously eaten in. As soon as they were inside they broke down. They had never seen so much gore in all their life.

Suddenly they heard a small cry amit from below their feet. Banjo moved just enough to see a hatch in the wooden floor right under a carpet. Pulling it open proved to be an easy task.

    There swaddled in a linen blanket wriggled a newborn baby girl, a note and some basic care supplies lay next to her.

    Bringing himself to his feet Gummy read over the note in silence.

After a long pause he said,

    “Them people were sufferin’ from a rare and highly spreadable disease called Dendromoroidnitus. It came from tha berry bushes native to this area and forced every’un inta an untreatable state of stinging pain and some sorta strange malady. Says here that the disease is spread through touch an’ it aint air born. It also says this newborn babe was placed here for a chance at survivin’ and does not carry tha disease.”

    Picking the infant up with his dark gloved hands, Banjo said,

“That’s positively dreadful! We can’t just leave her here; we simply must take her with us! Does the note have a name for this child?”

    Gummy skimmed the note once more. “Nope nothin’ in here ‘bout no name... Guess we’ll have to give her one ourselves! Howsabout wese name her Kinsey? Sounds vaguely like Kidney! The best sorta bean!”

    Banjo frowned.

    “We are not naming her after a bean, Gummy.”

    “Suite ya self then” Gummy shrugged.

“Howsabout May? May’sa good name right? It'sa good month too!”

    Banjo grinned. “May? I rather like that name!”

    “Well than it’sa settled. We our now the new hobo parents of a little girl whose been newly made a May as opposed to whatever was her last name!”

    “It would seem so… Wait listen! Is that a westward bound train I hear? Quickly we must have leave of this dreadful town at once!”

    As they ran to the train Gummy clutching May to his chest and Banjo carrying the supplies they’d found for her in his bindle, they could hear a sort of low moaning. Looking behind them they saw the hundreds of angry ethereal visages of the deceased townsfolk! Terrified they sprinted up to the train and leaped into a freight full of hay bales, heaving in big gulps of air, struggling to find composure and sweating all over. 

“G-G-Ghosts!” Yelled Gummy.

Banjo shivered, utterly terrified.

Gummy hugged him tight.

“It It’s gonna be alright.” he said.

“Them things won’t follow us here. We’ll be okay.”

Banjo soon regained composure. 

May giggled and played with her toes.

Gummy let go of Banjo as soon as he was calm.

About five minutes later Banjo’s eyes widened in horror after Gummy dressed down to get some sleep. “Gummy y-your injured!” he choked.

Gummy checked about his body for any sign of injury and sure enough Banjo was right! There on his left shoulder was a 3 inch long bleeding cut with a leaf stuck next to it! 

“Musta gotten this when we was sprintin’ to this here train. I’ll just move that leaf away and-”

The leaf’s bristles made contact with the cut.

“Holy %*&@*ing $%*&@!!!!!!!” Exclaimed Gummy. His entire shoulder becoming bright red in that instant.

    Banjo was at his side in an instant. Using a handkerchief he pulled the leaf out as fast as he could and threw it out the freight while Gummy howled in pain.

“What should I do now! There are still several hairs in your cut!”

Gummy did not respond coherently but instead continued to writhe and burn from the pain of whatever the hell that plant was.

Banjo made a decision. Withdrawing from his person a small lighter he burned out the hairs and sealed the cut. 

Gummy passed out from the pain and from sheer exhaustion.

    May began to cry.

Chapter Text

When Gummy woke up he felt immensely better. Covered in Banjo’s coat he felt warm and was no longer in much pain at all. He turned to see a very baggy eyed Banjo rocking May as she slept. He was shivering. His hair was a mess.

As soon as Banjo noticed Gummy he placed the sleeping babe down in her blanket.

“Gummy? Are you alright?” he asked his voice choked with emotion.

“Wazzah? I’m just about as good as I can be Banj! Are you alright? Why, by the looks of ya, you haven't slept all night!”

Banjo’s eyes filled with tears.

“You may have acquired Dendromoroidnitus if I hadn’t burnt you! I’m sincerely sorry! You could have ended up like those people .”

Banjo went over to Gummy and embraced him. Sobbing into his musty bare chest.

    “It’s alright Banj! Really I’m fine now! So why don’t I just go get dressed and wese can resume tha search for your hobo princess?” 

    “Screw the hobo princess, Gummy! You could have been seriously injured!” 

    Gummies eyes widened and his jaw dropped.

    Banjo continued to hold him.

“Gummy, while I watched you sleep in pain last night, I realized that I don’t even want to find the hobo princess... What I really wanted was the illusion. The chase. I wanted to go on marvelous adventures in search of the unattainable! I have loved our travels and I have loved the time we’ve spent together! But I no longer want to find the hobo princess, because I don’t want to stop adventuring! What I really want is us Gummy. I want you and I to keep train hopping and travelling together forever! I want to renounce my past as a millionaire permanently and become a real hobo! Because who I really love is, it's 

you Gummy…”

    A brief pause ensues.

“Do you Really mean that?” Gummy asked still hugging Banjo.

    Banjo smiled warmly. “I’m happier with you than I ever was as a millionaire.”

    Gummy was beaming.

“Apple pie!” He exclaimed.

    The two share a warm kiss.

    Narrator: “So as that chuggin’ locomotive sighs and whistles from another town’s adventure we bid a weary fare-thee-well to our wayfaring lovers. Perhaps happily ever after is in the eye of the beholder for while Banjo and Gummy won’t find the hobo princess afterall they found something greater still and will forever continue their journey, down in Moonshine Holler.”

The End