Work Text:
It’s a Thursday and Minoru Mineta is sixteen years old the first time he speaks to the girl he’ll one day marry. It’s after morning classes when he spots her alone in the hallway. Carefully, he looks around, checking for anyone who might interfere. But for the moment, the coast is clear. There’s no sign of Jiro or Ashido or Tsuyu, and no sign of Kendo or Monoma, the most likely protectors from Class 1-B.
So it is with confidence and no fear of retaliation that he approaches Pony Tsunotori. He puts on his best grin, smoothing the hair on the sides of his head with his hands. She’s pretty, he already knows this. And naïve, if she still thinks Monoma is someone worth listening to. It’s the perfect combination. This should work out very well for him.
“Hey,” he says. “Are you really as horny as you look?”
She turns to look at him, blinking eyes that are big and bright. And she seems to be thinking through what he’s said. He realizes, belatedly, that her grasp of Japanese is probably not good enough to have figured out what he just said. He knows, of course, that Monoma has been teaching her things to mock Class 1-A with, but he guesses dirtier stuff hasn’t been in the lesson plan.
“Oh,” she says, her American accent unmistakable, coloring her words. “I guess my horns are pretty big. But they are very real too!”
He realizes he has a choice to make here. He can try another pick up line or he can retreat. Explaining what he actually meant is off the table. He feels like it would be like kicking a puppy.
He’s also pretty sure it’s more words than a girl has said to him in an actual conversation that didn’t concern school or Hero work in a good long time.
“I thought they were,” he says. “I mean, Mount Lady has horns on her mask, but you’re not wearing a mask and so I figured they were probably real and…” He’s babbling, trying to find his footing on unfamiliar ground. And thinking of Mount Lady only brings back unpleasant memories. He desperately needs something new to cling to here.
She laughs and he realizes he likes the sound; it’s a little like a horse whinnying and he realizes it’s with him instead of at him.
“You are in Class 1-A, right?” she asks. “I saw you during the Joint Training, but I do not think we have been introduced. I am Pony Tsunotori.”
“Minoru Mineta,” he says. This is definitely the longest conversation he’s had with a girl. And he hasn’t gotten smacked once. It’s becoming a day for new records.
A long moment passes. “Mineta?” Pony asks. “Kendo told me Mineta was a horrible, disgusting troll that I was too avoid at all costs!”
His heart sinks. He knows what everyone thinks of him. Hell, he knows what he is, what he’s been since he was a little boy. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, to hear it put so bluntly.
Her head tilts slightly to one side. He’s surprised she can do that without falling over with those horns. “But you do not seem disgusting to me,” she says. “You are too little and cute!”
Cute?! Girls haven’t called him cute since he was a toddler! His mind is racing a mile a minute and he finds himself running in circles, arms flailing through the air. He can’t think, he can’t speak, it’s all too much for him!
He keeps running in circles. “DOYOUWANTTOGOOUTWITHMESOMETIME?” It escapes his mouth in one breath. He’s not even sure he had all the right syllables there. He’s not even sure it had time to work through his brain before leaving his face. He’s never asked a girl out before in his life, but he’s pretty sure this isn’t how you do it.
But someone must be smiling at him from up above, because she laughs again and he finally skids to a stop, very nearly running into the nearest wall. “I think I would like that,” she says. “We could… maybe… see a movie, yes? Do people do that here?”
“We do!” he says, quicker than he meant to. “M-m-maybe this Sunday?”
She gives him a thumbs’ up. “It’s a date!” She looks at the clock. “Oh, but I have to go! I told Kendo I would meet her for lunch! But I will see you later, Mineta! I look forward to our date!”
He’s alone in the hallway for several long minutes before he’s able to find his voice again. “What… what just happened?”
***
In the cafeteria, he sits down heavily across from Kaminari. He’s one of the few people who’s never spoken badly to him or hurt him. He’s genuinely grateful for the friendship.
“Dude,” Kaminari asks. “What’s with you? You say something that got you smacked again?”
“I said something and didn’t get smacked,” he replies.
This gets him a confused look. “Isn’t that good?”
He’s still trying to process it. Of course, it’s good. But he never thought in a million years he’d get this far. This is, in fact, several steps farther than he’d ever thought he’d get.
“Yeah,” he says, his voice shaky. “I… I think I’ve got a date.”
Kaminari does a spit take, splattering the table with the soda he was drinking. He coughs, violently, before he can speak. “You?” Astonishment and disbelief fill his voice.
“Yeah, me,” he snaps back. “Who else would I be talking about?”
“Okay, chill, dude,” Kaminari replies. Then, “Wait. With who? It can’t be any of the girls in our class…” Showing foresight, he puts his drink down before Mineta can answer.
“Tsunotori. The exchange-student in 1-B.”
There was a long pause as Kaminari processed this. “Okay, so let me get this straight. You, Mineta, managed to get a date with the hot, naïve, American girl? You. Are. The. Man!” He held out a hand for a high five, which Mineta weakly returned. “Why aren’t you more excited about this?”
Mineta sits upright in his chair as panic takes ahold of him. “Because I never thought I’d get this far! I have no idea what I’m going to do! I’m not date material!”
Panic suddenly falls over Kaminari’s face as a pair of shadows fall over Mineta. Powerful hands clamp down on his shoulders. Mineta looks up and sees Tetsutetsu and Kendo from Class 1-B.
“Can we borrow him for a few minutes?” Kendo asks, giving his shoulder a tight squeeze that makes him wince.
“Just need to have a little talk,” Tetsutetsu adds. He gives his other shoulder a squeeze. “Man to almost man. …To Kendo.”
Kaminari can only nod dumbly as they lift him from his chair and carry him out of the cafeteria. If anyone else notices, they don’t care about him enough to stop them.
***
Out in the hallway, they drop him rather unceremoniously. He falls hard on his butt. “Owww!” he wails, jumping back to his feet. “Hey, what’s the big idea, picking me up like a sack of potatoes!?”
Kendo silences him with a look. He remembers she deals with Monoma on a regular basis and must have nerves of steel. “Did you ask Tsunotori out on a date?” she demands, angrily. Next to her, Tetsutetsu crosses his arms.
He swallows heavily. Both of their Quirks are much more impressive and powerful than his. Most are. His only chance here is to run, which he does, as fast as his legs can carry him. He doesn’t make it far. Tetsutetsu grabs his collar, lifting him so that he’s eye to eye with Kendo. “Running’s not very manly, shrimp,” Tetsutetsu says. “Answer Kendo’s question!”
“Okay, okay,” he says, panic settling in. “I did it! I asked her out! I’ll cancel! I’ll do anything! Just please don’t kill me!”
“You’re not canceling,” Kendo says, jabbing a finger into his chest. “Tsunotori actually seems pretty happy about having a date. I just can’t believe it’s with you.” She makes it sound like a curse.
“She’d be really unhappy if you broke it off,” she went on. “So you’re going on this date with her.” She jabs her finger into his chest again and he tries not to wince. “But let me make something very clear. If you hurt her, if you do anything perverted, even if she doesn’t understand it, we will get you expelled. Or kill you. Whichever’s easier. Do you understand me?”
He believes every word of it.
“Y’s,” he mumbles.
“What was that?” Tetsutetsu demands, giving him a good shake.
“I said, “yes!” Okay, I said “yes!” I’ll be good! I’ll be good!”
Tetsutetsu lets him drop to the ground again. “Good,” Kendo says. “Don’t screw this up, pervert.”
***
Heroics Class at least means he doesn’t have time to think about it. But when they return to the dorms, he’s instantly accosted by Jiro, Tsuyu, and Iida. Kaminari’s there too, giving him an apologetic look. “Sorry,” he says. “Jiro forced it out of me.”
Mineta wishes he could say he was surprised.
“Did you really ask Tsunotori on a date, you little troll?” Jiro asks, her Earphone Jacks waving angrily, pointing at him as she crosses her arms. “Did you trick her? Is she being hypnotized? Do I need to call the police?!”
“Jiro,” Tsuyu says, “give him time to answer.”
He knew Jiro didn’t like him. He just hadn’t realized quite how much. He was used to not being liked, but he didn’t realize just how little she thought of him, how much she thought he was capable of.
“I asked her out,” he said, hands on his hips, stamping one foot in defiance. “I didn’t even know I was gonna do it until it did it! It just slipped out! But she said yes, okay! So I’m gonna do it! And you can’t stop me!”
He pointed, angrily. “And Kendo and Tetsutetsu already threatened me, so you can just back off!”
“Are you threatening me, twerp?” Jiro asks, bending down to get in his face. Her Jacks aim dangerously at his eyes.
“Jiro!” Iida chastises her. “Please desist from threatening Mineta. As difficult as it is to believe, he has not yet done anything heinous.”
He pushes his glasses up on his nose, the light shining off of them. “That being said, for once in your life, Mineta, please try to remember to uphold the honor of U.A. and its heroic legacy. You have behaved dishonorably enough as it is towards the girls of our class. Do not do so to another.”
“She doesn’t know not to trust you,” Tsuyu says. “Maybe don’t blow it?”
Jiro rears back to her full height. She makes an “I’m watching you” gesture in his direction. “We hear anything bad about this, we’re setting Bakugo on you. It’s not like he’d need the excuse.”
This was going to be the death of him!
***
The rest of the week doesn’t go much better for him. In ones and twos or more, sooner or later, everyone in Classes 1-A and 1-B threatens him or tells him to behave himself. Well, Bakugo doesn’t, but Bakugo pretty much tries to pretend he doesn’t exist, so he’s not surprised.
Kirishima tells him to be manly. The scary werewolf guy threatens to rip his legs off. Ashido tells him she’ll apply acid to very sensitive areas. Shiozaki cautious him against “engaging in his usual, sinful behavior.” Even Midoriya tells him to be less… him.
Even Kaminari, his one friend, tells him that he better not screw this up. There’s the implication he might not want to hang out with him anymore if he does anything bad on his date.
By the time Sunday rolls around and he’s waiting in front of the Class 1-B dorm, he’s a bundle of frayed nerves and shaking so badly some of his balls are threatening to fall off his head. He’s never worried about impressing a girl before; he hopes he’s dressed nice enough. Nice pants, a nice polo, he even took a shower and used deodorant!
What if this was all some kind of American prank? To make him look foolish and make everyone threaten him? What if…
“Mineta!” The sound of his name being spoken with something other than disgust or contempt makes him turn, and he sees Tsunotori walking towards him, hooves making an adorable clip-clop sound on the pavement as she picks up her pace to reach him. She’s wearing red pants that he notices fits her really well and a light blue spaghetti-strap top that shows off arms that are more fit that he would have expected. He lets his eyes drift lower for just a moment before actually catching himself and looking up instead. Hagakure had not-so-subtly implied she might be keeping an eye on him the whole time and he can’t take that chance.
“Tsunotori!” he says, and he smiles. “You look,” his mind races, trying to think of an appropriate word here. One that won’t get him killed if he says it. “You look nice,” he finishes.
“Thank you,” she says. “You look nice too!”
“Are you ready?” he asks. When she nods, he offers her his hand. It’s presumptuous, maybe too much, but he does it. Ladies like guys who are thoughtful and romantic, right? Maybe if he’s thoughtful and romantic enough up front, he can get to the sleezy stuff later? To his great surprise, she takes it and her hand feels soft and warm in his.
“<I,>” he tries, “<I can speak English okay, if you want?>” They have it as a class, of course, and he does well in it. The sounds are awkward past his lips, but he manages. Plus, he knows pick-up lines in over a dozen languages. Not that those help him here.
She shakes her head. “Thank you,” Tsunotori says, still speaking Japanese. “But I need to work on my Japanese. Kendo and Monoma are helping, but… I do not think Monoma is always teaching me right.”
“Yeah, well, probably not,” Mineta agrees. “Just listen to Kendo.”
It’s a nice evening and the walk is nice. They talk a little bit on the way to the movie theater. She tells him about how her mother is a Pro-Hero in America, someone called Cow Lady. He’s heard of her. If Tsutotori grows up to look anything like her, she’s gonna be very hot. She tells him about her father, a businessman who was assigned to America for work but now loves the country. She tells him about how she wanted to be a Hero more than anything, and how her father convinced her mother than U.A. was the best. She talks about her host family and how much she loves Japan and anime.
He tells her about his mother, who owns a jewelry store. He doesn’t tell her how she divorced his father when he was two, he doesn’t tell her that she’s been married and divorced once more since then, and he doesn’t tell her that she was currently on the prowl for husband number three. He does tell her that his dad is a plumber and that he doesn’t get to see him all that much. He doesn’t tell her that the only anime he watches are pornographic. He brags, just a little bit, about how he beat Midnight at the midterm exam, but doesn’t tell her how he knew how to do it.
He’s also pretty certain he seems someone following them. It looks like it’s Tsuyu and Monoma. He wishes he could say he was surprised.
***
At the theater, Mineta is reminded of why he doesn’t like to go to the movies. It starts well enough. There’s an anime film playing, some tie-in to a show she likes. He pays for their tickets and gets them popcorn, soda, and candy. She gets some of candy apple soda and for some reason, he makes an effort to remember that’s something she likes.
No, the trouble starts for him when he has to ask for a booster seat. At less than one hundred twenty centimeters tall... he can’t see the screen otherwise. He can feel himself going red and just waits for her to say something. He’s been called a shrimp, a half-pint, and every other diminutive you could think of. But she doesn’t laugh.
“Oh!” Tsunotori says, putting a hand to her mouth. “I’m sorry! When I said the movies, I didn’t think...”
No one has ever apologized to him before, least of all a girl. No one’s ever even thought about his needs before, even belatedly. He used to go places with what few friends he had before U.A. and if he turned out to be too short to ride or keep up, they’d just abandon him.
“It’s okay,” he says. “I’m used to it.” For some reason, her sad face hurts more than any public humiliation ever could.
They sit in the back row. So that he can see better and so that her horns (She mentions she has trouble with doors sometimes. He’s pretty sure she tells him this to make him feel better) don’t block anyone else’s view.
He’s seen enough movies and tv shows to know what goes on in the back row, but for some reason, he isn’t thinking about it. He’s also pretty sure he sees Iida and Kendo at the other end of the row. He’s pretty sure they aren’t here for the film.
Later, he’s surprised when the movie has nudity in it. He’s not one to turn down nudity, he often actively seeks it out, but he finds he doesn’t want to spring this on Tsunotori. But when he glances in her direction, she doesn’t seem bothered or surprised. Maybe it’s an American thing? Did she know? She did say she liked the anime. He’s pretty sure one of the other girls would find a way to blame this on him if they knew.
On the other hand, he can hear Iida coughing and sputtering from his seat. So there’s that.
And then, when it gets a little scary and the monster the heroes thought was dead springs up as a monstrous skeleton, Tsunotori lets out a terrified shriek and grabs on to him. “It’s okay,” he says, actually careful of where he puts his hands. “I’m here. It’s just a movie.” He can’t help but smell her hair though; she’s too close for him not to. Her shampoo smells like apples.
Mineta decides that maybe the movies aren’t so bad after all.
***
After the movie, he takes her to a little cafe nearby. Sure, they had snacks at the film and he was ready to take her back (and thus have less risk of something going wrong), but he remembers it’s supposed to have a really good apple pie.
And for some reason, even though it’s clear he’s not getting any action and someone (probably Jiro) would kill him if he did, he doesn’t want the night to end.
They get a booth near the front. And this time, he’s very sure they’ve been followed. Kirishima and Tetsutetsu are sitting on one side of a booth and in the back corner. Both are trying to hide behind their menus and peer over the top of them, but neither is very good at it. Bakugo, to his surprise, is sitting across from them, looking like a simmering cauldron of rage. It makes him more than a little afraid.
“How did you know I like apple pie?” she asks, after he’s ordered for them.
“Lucky guess,” he says, smiling. He hasn’t thought about her breasts (which are very nice) or her behind (which from how tight her pants are, he can tell is well toned) in quite a while. He’s actually making eye contact.
She tells him about school in America, growing up in Texas. About football and cheerleaders and five alarm chili cook offs. About county fairs and once being named Little Miss Rodeo. He’s beginning to wonder if she’s trying to mess with him, but from the sincerity in her eyes, he deduces that America must just be like that, larger than life in every way. No wonder All Might spent time there.
He wishes he had better stories of his own to tell. His early years mostly involved getting shoved in lockers or having his head in a toilet. He decides not to tell her his most prideful story, of how he once inspired an aspiring erotica writer to finish his great work. It suddenly doesn’t seem like as good a story as it used to, not even with having a signed copy.
But he does tell her about how he discovered his Quirk, how he used to get stuck to all kinds of things. He tells her about how he once tried to bounce off a huge pile of them to impress a girl, only to mess up the landing and break his leg. He tells her about how he built up his score, little by little, during the Entrance Exam, slowing down and gumming up the works of the “Villains” when they couldn’t see him.
He doesn’t tell her about how when he actually got his acceptance letter, it was one of the few times he’d ever thought his mom paid enough attention to him to be proud of him.
“Gaaah, dammit!” a too loud voice cuts through the quite conversations of the café. It’s Bakugo, storming towards the door. “This is a damn waste of time, Shitty Hair! You told me he was gonna blow it and I’d get to kick his ass! But he’s behaving hmself!”
“Bakubabe!” Kirishima calls out, following after him. “You’re blowing our cover!”
“And I told you not to call me that in public! I don’t wanna tell anyone we’re dating yet!”
“Aawww,” Tetsutetsu, at Kirishima’s heels, says. “I’m the first to know? I’m so honored!”
Bakugo quickly storms out, the other two following after him.
Mineta wonders if he should just sink under the table and die. It wouldn’t be until later that night that he actually processes what Kirishima and Bakugo said.
“Your friend is very angry,” Pony says. Maybe she missed the subtext here. Maybe she’s just too polite to mention it. “I wonder if they were following us like everyone else?”
“You noticed them?” he gasps.
“I’m not as clueless as they sometimes think I am,” she says. “I know they’re just looking out for me, but just because I’m American and don’t always speak the language so good, it doesn’t mean I need an escort everywhere!”
…Okay, maybe she doesn’t get it. Maybe he shouldn’t tell her. Not when he’s set several lifetime records already for longest amount of un-pummeled time around a girl.
***
Eventually, the evening does draw to an end, and he walks her back to her dorm. And he’s pretty sure he sees Yaoyorozu and Setsuna following them on the way back. He tries not to pay attention to it and just focus on the girl he’s with.
The girl he’s actually managed to have a complete and normal date with.
The girl who laughs like a horse and who likes anime and apples and whose hair smells like apples.
“I had a good time tonight,” he says, when they’re back at her dorm building. He awkwardly rubs the back of his head. “I’m, ah, sorry about everybody following us tonight.” He shouldn’t apologize. It’s an admission that he was the reason. But he feels like he has to get it out there.
“They’re just overprotective,” she says. She bends down and to his surprise, initiates contact with him for a second time, giving him a brief hug. He returns it, careful of his hands. “I had a good time tonight, Minny.”
“M-m-Minny?”
“Your nickname!” she beams. “I thought it sounded nice.” A worried look crosses her face. “If you don’t like it…”
“I like it!” he says, as quickly as he can. He can be brave. He can do this. “I… do you… wanna do this again, sometime?”
She smiles. “I’d like that!” She gives him a little wave as she heads back inside. “Good night, Minny!”
“G-g-good night, Tsunotori!” he says, managing to give a wave in return.
His mind is racing a million miles a minute, but somehow, he makes his way back to his dorm. Kaminari, Tokoyami, and Jiro are waiting up for him in the Common Room.
“So,” Kaminari says, looking hopeful, “how’d it go?”
“No one reported any foul behavior,” Tokoyami says.
“Look,” Jiro says, giving him a suspicious look, “if I go up to Tsunotori and say “nutmeg” will she wake up and start screaming?”
His brain finally works itself up to asking a question. “How,” he begins, “how do you know when you’re in love?”
There’s a loud sounding thud as Jiro actually falls off the couch in surprise. “Tokoyami,” she says, “do you think Dark Shadow could check hell? I think it just froze over.”