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Four heroes of legend entered a bar and sat down at a table. One young and from space, one old and from below; one a demigod hero of men, one a ghost hero of light. They ordered a round of drinks and began talking.
The demigod decided to play a game. “We shall play never have I ever.”
“That is a terrible idea,” remarked the old hero from the undergrounds.
“Why so, our friend from underground?” asked the confused demigod.
“One of us has never played the game,” the old hero said as he motioned to the young hero from space, “and one of us cannot possibly pick up a drink,” and he gestured to the ghost hero of light.
“Then no time for him to learn like the present!” the demigod said of the young hero from space.
“I wouldn’t drink even if I could, but I shall participate,” the ghost hero of light said.
“Then it is decided!” the demigod declared.
The old hero from underground muttered something under his breath before downing half of his drink.
“How do you play?” asked the young hero of space.
“You say something you never did, and if someone here did it, then they must reveal so by drinking, with the exception of our hologram friend, who can simply make the motion to pretend to drink.”
“It’s a stupid game,” muttered the hero from underground.
“Sounds interesting,” the young hero of space said, “I’ll try.”
“Then you may go first! Start with, never have I ever…”
“Never have I ever…” the young hero began, then trailed off a moment while thinking. “Never have I ever been to the distant land of China.”
The demigod did not drink. The old hero from underground did not drink. The ghost hero of light made a motion as if he were drinking.
“You’ll get the hang of it,” the demigod said. “I’ll go now – never have I ever accidentally romanced a sorceress.”
The old hero from underground sincerely flipped the demigod off before downing the rest of his drink and pouring himself some more. Never have I ever been trampled by a horse.”
The young hero from space drank. The demigod drank. The ghost hero of light made a motion as if he were drinking.
“You’re good at this,” the demigod commented, “and you didn’t want to play?”
“For good reason.”
“Never have I ever,” began the ghost hero of light, “ridden on a motorcycle.”
“Cheater,” whined the demigod.
“All is fair in war and drinking games.”
The young hero from space drank. The demigod drank. The old hero from underground drank.
“My turn again now? Never have I ever fled a lover’s home through their window.”
“Oh great, he’s a natural,” muttered the old hero from underground about the young hero of space.
The demigod drank. The old hero from underground drank. The ghost hero of light did not make a motion as if he were drinking.
“You?” the ghost hero of light said in shock to the old hero from underground. “I expected him,” he said, motioning to the demigod hero, “but you?”
“Her brother was a friend of ours, long ago. I didn’t want to insult him,” the old hero from underground muttered.
“What would our old friend have said, if he knew, you reckon?” asked the demigod.
“He’d be drinking the round with me.”
The ghost hero of light put his hands over his face with an audible sigh.
The demigod went next. “Never have I ever gotten my head stuck in a helmet.”
“That was one time!” Nonetheless, the young hero of space drank.
The ghostly hero of light took one hand away from his face and flipped off the demigod. “Low blow from someone who stubbornly refuses to wear protective helmets in battle.”
“They’d ruin my hair and beard,” replied the demigod.
The old hero from underground did not drink.
“Impossible as always,” commented the hero of light, resting his hands on the table and shaking his head. “Never have I ever gotten trapped in a closet.”
A glove was sent flying at the ghost hero of light from the direction of the old hero from underground. It passed through the ghost hero of light.
The old hero from underground drank. So did the young hero from space. The demigod did not drink.
“Never have I ever fallen off a motorcycle,” muttered the old hero from underground.
The young hero from space drank. The demigod hero drank three times. The ghost hero of light did not drink.
“Your turn,” the demigod hero said, reminding the young hero from space, who was already falling under the influence of their strong drinks.
“Never had I ever…” The young hero of justice smirked suddenly, and it did not bode well for any of them. “Never have I ever attempted to fuck a non-human animal.”
The demigod blinked a few times in shock.
The old hero from underground almost choked on his own saliva.
The ghost hero of light got up from his seat. “I am leaving,” he declared, “before I lose the ability to look any of you in the eyes ever again.” With that, he walked out.
The old hero from underground ran off as well to follow the ghost hero of light as soon as he stopped coughing.
The demigod shrugged, watching the two leave, and then drank. When he looked back over, the young hero from space was gone, too.
Ah well. More drinks for him.