Work Text:
Nervously Calm, Calmly Nervous
by WeirdPlanet
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After a long day at the precinct, Jake Peralta was on his way home to impregnate his wife.
That sounded really crass in Jake's head. He knew that he and Amy had decided to start "trying" this week, but phrasing it that way made it sound either off-color or very clinical. The truth was, after their "fun, casual conversation" about having kids, it was almost the only thing Jake could think about when he wasn't working a case. He knew Amy had been thinking as much about it as he had, so they were both anxious, in their own ways.
Jake opened the door of their apartment and walked in to the smell of vanilla and the low lighting only made by candles. He heard his classic R&B playlist coming from the bluetooth speakers in the living room. He didn't see Amy anywhere, but he recognized her hand in setting the mood for seduction. He laughed to himself a little. How could she not know by then that the only seduction he needed was her saying the word 'yes'?
He could see the light from the bathroom coming out from under the closed door so he went to the bedroom to change out of his work clothes.
"Jake? Are you there?" Amy's voice came from the bathroom.
"Yeah, babe, I'm here. I'm changing," he replied. His back was to the door as he emptied his pockets on his side of the bed. His badge, wallet and random loose change went on the table next to the alarm clock as he sat on the bed to take off his shoes and socks. He heard Amy come into the room but didn't think to look up from untying his shoes.
"Hey, good lookin'," Amy said as she walked to stand at the foot of the bed.
"Hey yourself, gorgeou--" Jake tried to reply playfully, but when he actually got a look at his wife the words froze as he was speaking.
Amy was standing at the foot of the bed with one hand on her hip. Her hair was down and gathered over her left shoulder, and she was wearing one of Jake's favorite plaid shirts. It seemed to be unbuttoned, but closed over itself. Her legs and feet were bare and she had a smirk on her face like she was trying not to laugh.
Jake stood and slowly walked over to stand in front of Amy as she fidgeted with the hem of the shirt. He put his hands around her waist and pulled her against him as he kissed her chastely before grinning widely. He adored her.
"You look good," he said in a low timbre.
"Thank you. You're not so bad yourself," was her response.
"Right," he said back, sarcastically, "because you love how I look after fifteen hours at the gross precinct interrogating criminals and chasing down perps."
"Well, you have a point," she admitted. "But I still think you're a sight for sore eyes."
In an uncharacteristically ponderous moment, Jake thought about his lot in life. He had the perfect job for him, he lived in the city he grew up in, and was married to the woman of his dreams who, for some reason, wanted to join her DNA with his and make another person. He was baffled.
"What's going on in your head right now?" Amy asked as she ran her hands up his arms and gripped his shoulders. She could read him like an art history text book.
He looked deeply into her eyes, then slowly sank to his knees. He opened the bottom of the plaid shirt to expose Amy's midriff, then rested one hand on her hip while the other gently smoothed over her abdomen. She was wearing dark blue underwear but in that light it looked black. Jake marvelled at the fact that her body was designed to grow a person inside it, and he was gobsmacked that she was willing to do that now, with him. He looked up at her with a lump in his throat.
"You really want to do this," he spoke, knowing that she understood that his meaning was not necessarily sexual. She ran her left hand through his hair and rested it on his cheek, smiling.
"Jake," she spoke in a mock scolding tone, "Yes. I do." He exhaled and rested his forehead on her tummy. Sensing his anxiety, she sank to her knees as well so their eyes were on the same level, even though he still hung his head. "Jake, this is a big deal, this thing we've decided to do." He thought that was an understatement. "I have to admit that I'm really nervous." His head shot up and he looked at her with a shocked expression.
"You're nervous?" he asked. "The candles, the music, this outfit..." He wiggled his eyebrows as she laughed a little bit. "You've gone into full seduction mode, Ames. How are you nervous about this?"
"I'm not nervous about this," she gestured between them. "Having sex with you doesn't make me nervous. I'm calm about that. I'm nervous about what happens after."
"You're talking about clinical things like ovulation, fertilization, gestation, things like that?" he asked. She nodded emphatically. "It's time, right? We've been keeping track of your cycle and this week is the W of O, isn't it?"
"Yes, yes, the Window of Opportunity, yes." She cringed at the silly nickname Jake came up with for her fertile time, but secretly she loved it. "Babe, I know you're anxious, but aren't you excited, too?"
"Yes, I'm really excited," Jake assured her. "I know we're gonna be good parents. Well, I know we're going to do our best, and that's all we can do." They'd talked ad nauseam about what kind of parents they wanted to be but that didn't mean he wasn't still scared.
"Jake," Amy said, deciding to change gears a bit. "Babe, lets look at this differently. Let's forget about fertility, forget about babies, forget about being parents, just for tonight. Let's just be us." He was intrigued. "Let's be married people in love and let's do what we know how to do." While speaking she ran her hands up his arms and rested her arms on his shoulders. Jake smiled lovingly.
"How did I get so lucky?" he asked rhetorically.
"Babe, I think you've got that reversed," Amy whispered back, squeezing his shoulders.
"No, I got it right," he argued. "I don't know what I did to deserve you but I want to keep doing it." Amy smiled at that. She could tell that even though he was being ponderous he wasn't trying to be all too self-deprecating. He was just being thankful for the gifts in his life, one of which was her.
Moving her hands to the back of his neck, Amy pulled Jake in for a deep kiss. His arms reflexively wrapped around her as one hand slid up her back and the other rested on her hip. He didn't know if what he was feeling could be called nervously calm or calmly nervous but he knew she was right. They needed to set aside any apprehension they had about the future and just love each other. That's something they'd been doing for years and it's something they would do for the rest of their lives. They didn't know whether kids would come or not, but they knew they were in this together.