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“-Wait-”
The voice was so quiet, so broken, a tremor lacing itself through the single word.
Ed paused, thin arm resting on the door of the room, head turned back towards that voice, normally so full of snark, and condescension.
One that should be full of snark, or anything but that shattered sound.
“What’s up, General?”
“I-“ Roy started, then stopped.
A few minutes of silence passed. Roy didn’t know how to continue. He’d never been good with emotions and even worse with expressing them.
Why in the nine hells did he ever think he could do this? He didn’t feel ready, but if he didn’t do it now…
Edward would leave. And, in all likelihood, never come back.
“General?”
Roy could hear the patience thinning in that one word.
He sighed.
“Please, close the door and have a seat.” He gestured towards the chair opposite his hospital bed.
Another reason why this was all a bad idea. Roy had only just got his sight back, one last miracle from the Philosophers stone and Dr. Marcoh. He was still in the hospital, busted up and broken. Being observed for his “miraculous” healing.
But…
Roy knew he would regret this, regret not doing this. His life had always been about sacrifices for the greater good. He’d tried to do that through the military and, well, after Ishval, he’d aimed for Furher.
This, however, this was something selfish, something for him. Something that Roy wanted and goddammit, he was going to at least try.
Gold eyes looked at him, inquisitive and, if Roy was reading them right, annoyed.
“Fullmetal-“
“That’s not my name anymore.”
“-right.” Roy sighed again. “Edward. What are your plans, now that you’re out of the military?”
“Uh, help Al and his rehabilitation? Pretty sure we talked about this, like, a week ago. Did you lose your memory when your sight was restored?”
Roy rolled his eyes. “Obviously not. But Al won’t need your help forever. What is it you plan on doing after?”
Part of Roy wanted to reach out and touch that molten gold, shiny and lush even in the dim hospital light. Another part was so afraid to reach out and have Edward flinch, and pull away.
“I-“ a pause. “Well, I could-“
“You haven’t really thought of it, have you?” Roy said, quietly, after a few minutes of silence.
“Shut up! I have time to figure it out. We don’t all have our lives set in stone, like you, bastard.”
Roy snorted. “I don’t have my life set in stone either. I thought I did, but-“ he paused. “But, well, here we are.”
“I…don’t understand. Aren’t you still aiming for Furher?”
“Ideally, yes. But I’ve had somewhat of an awakening recently, and I’d rather explore that option…” Roy closed his eyes before continuing “if you would be willing.”
“Me? The fuck do I have to do with anything?”
“Not to fan the flames of your ego any bigger, but, everything. You have everything to do with this.”
Roy turned to Ed, all that gold like a goddamn beacon, a siren song to Roy, burying itself in his chest. Warm and full, and yet ready to splinter into a thousand shattered pieces.
Roy expected the worst. Truly. How could this go well, in any universe? But he had to do it.
“Roy?”
He turned away again, fingers pulling a string on the blanket. “Before I saw the Gate, saw Truth, I had thought I was pretty normal. I mean, as far as damaged and fucked up orphans go. But then I met Truth…and I realized that my world was…. bland. Colourless.”
Truth had shown him how colour had actually looked, how dull and lifeless his view had been. When he’d made it back to Amestris, blind, with the knowledge of how beautiful and vibrant things were supposed to be, knowing he would never see it…he wasn’t ashamed to admit he was heartbroken.
“Truth showed me that what I was seeing was a dulled down version of reality. And, you can imagine how it felt to come back blind.”
“It must have been real shitty.” Roy could hear the sincerity, the truth, and he smiled. “But you have your sight back, so it’s all fixed, right?”
“Not at first. Not until I saw you.”
“eh? Me?”
This was it. Roy took a deep breath in. Slowly exhaled, his heart beating against his ribcage, choking and painful.
Another deep breath in. And out.
“When I got my sight back, the world was just as dull as it had always been. Until you came to visit. The gold of your hair, your eyes…the warm tones of your skin… It was nearly blinding.”
“I don’t understand…why would I have anyth-“
“I love you, Ed.”
Silence.
Then a small voice, cracked and shaking
“-what?”
“I am in love with you, Edward Elric. Have been for years. Just needed to see the Truth to realize it.”
More silence, longer this time. Roy felt like his ribs were going to crack, his heartbeat against his chest, screaming out for Ed to say something, say anything.
But.
Roy had always known this wouldn’t end well. Wouldn’t end up with Roy getting what he desperately needed. His life had been one of sacrifices, one where the greater good had far outweighed his own wants and desires.
Just this once, though, Roy had wanted something, something for himself. Something without weighing the consequences…
And here he was. Heart shattering into a thousand pieces, that worked their way through his chest, choking and numbing.
“It’s nothing you need to concern yourself with, Fullmetal. Forget I said anything. Give my regar-“
“What if I don’t want to forget?”
“-ds to Alph-what?”
“I said, what if I don’t want to forget? Are you deaf now?”
Roy’s eyes flew open, head turned towards the man beside him, gold hair cascading over one shoulder, head lowered but eyes burning.
“No? But I don’t…”
“You think Truth didn’t show me the same thing? That I didn’t notice how rich and warm your eyes were?”
“-but you saw Truth…years ago!”
“And you were, what? Just going to believe a goddamn child that we were supposed to be together, or some shit?”
“Well, I-“ Roy blinked. “Okay, fine. That’s fair.”
They both sat in silence a few minutes. The pieces of his heart were slowly thawing as Roy considered Ed’s words.
And then he felt it, a small touch against his thumb, as a warm pinky touch him.
Gold eyes were shy as they looked up, meeting warm chocolate ones.
“I thought I’d come back to Central, if you’re still here. When Al is all fixed up, I mean.”
Roy smiled, as he moved his hand, laying his own over the smaller one, rough from hard work and scars of wars. “I’ll be wherever you want me to be.”