Chapter Text
Chou Tzuyu has always been a homebody. It was in her blood. From an early age, she’s preferred a routine to any type of change. Some might think that moving to a foreign country would help, but it only made her worse. She used to long for the familiarity of her family and home late at night, when she was alone in the darkness after endless hours of juggling school and training.
When she debuted, she got all that. Her unnies became her family, and their dorm was her home. It was familiar and permanent. Even after all the promotions and concerts and fansigns, they’d always return to the place she called home with her family. Tzuyu loved the routine of it all, the niche she created in the wild rollercoaster that was now her life.
“Tzuyu, do you wanna travel the world with me?” Chaeyoung asks her one night when everyone else in the dorm is deep asleep, and they had to wake up early for a schedule tomorrow. Tzuyu is half-asleep when Chaeyoung’s question pierces through the room, impossibly loud in the silence.
“Sure.” Tzuyu doesn’t even have to think twice about the question. She hums and pats the space in her bed beside her. Chaeyoung doesn’t ask any questions, just silently climbs in Tzuyu’s bed and adjusts to Tzuyu’s arms wrapping around her.
This became a regular occurrence, back when they were both sixteen and Tzuyu was facing the backlash simply for holding a flag that she didn’t think was a big deal at the time.
She’d find comfort in nights like these, curled up with Chaeyoung where the media couldn’t rip her apart for every move she made. Sometimes they’d talk until the late hours of the night, other times, they would just let the silence and the presence of the other lull them to sleep.
Tzuyu feels herself nodding off again when Chaeyoung asks, “Where would you wanna go?”
“I’ll go wherever you go, Chaeng,” Tzuyu mumbles, her eyes drooping.
Chayoung nods to herself, satisfied. “Okay.”
They don’t talk after that, just choosing to relax instead. Tzuyu falls asleep listening to Chaeyoung’s soft snores, feeling completely at home in that moment.
Everything starts to change when everyone starts looking for their own apartments. They’re practically a family at this point, but even a family gets sick of each other. The dorm gets cramped, and there’s only three bathrooms to share between nine girls, and it’d be nice to have some time to themselves.
That’s what her unnies keep telling her, at least. They’ve lived together for this long without any relationship ending fights, so Tzuyu doesn’t see why they have to change everything she knows about life. She doesn’t know why the routine is changing.
Nayeon tells her about an apartment complex JYP owns that his idols can rent so they don’t have to worry about non-idol neighbors. Tzuyu supposes that’s alright, but nothing can beat the years of memories the old dorm has. It won’t be the same, but the complex sounds okay.
In the end, she, Nayeon, Momo, Mina, and Sana rent out rooms in JYP’s apartment complex. Dahyun got a nice, cheap apartment a ten minute drive away from the complex. Jihyo got one right next to the studio, and Jeongyeon got hers a bit closer to her family.
Chaeyoung got one in the middle of Seoul.
Tzuyu ignores the way her heart clenches when she realizes Chaeyoung wouldn’t be a two minute walk away like Nayeon said they would. The city suits Chaeyoung, she reasons. There’s so many things to explore, and Chaeyoung will love that.
The first night in her new apartment is unfamiliar and lonely. Tzuyu hates the feeling. She unconsciously taps the bed, something she does for comfort, before she realizes that Chaeyoung isn’t a couple feet away from her anymore. She’s a drive across town now.
A restless hour later, she’s standing outside of Nayeon’s door, barefoot and shivering. She stands there for a long time, contemplating on whether she should knock or not before giving in and gently rapping on the wood with her knuckles. It swings open a few moments later, revealing a sleepy Nayeon. She takes in Tzuyu’s hunched posture and immediately hugs her.
“It’s weird,” Nayeon says quietly while they cuddle on her bed.
Tzuyu nods and swallows. “It’s too quiet without your snores.”
Nayeon scowls and pokes Tzuyu’s nose playfully, making her giggle. After that, they don’t speak anymore, and Tzuyu hears Nayeon’s breathing even out before letting her own eyes close.
The next night, they end up in the same position. And the next night. But Tzuyu’s nothing if not determined, and she resolves to spend the night in her own room, despite Nayeon’s assurances that she is free to come to her room whenever she likes.
“I need to do this for me, unnie,” Tzuyu tells her. She can’t rely on Nayeon every night to help her fall asleep. If she wants to make a new home in her apartment, she needs to be able to sleep in it first.
It’s hard at first, and she barely sleeps at all, but each night gets easier. It gets to a point where Tzuyu basically gets the amount of sleep she needs to function properly during a schedule. The small yearning for a midnight talk with a certain member never completely goes away, but it gets better.
She thinks she’ll be able to learn to live with it.
Tzuyu prepares for another night of falling asleep watching some drama and ignoring the urge to call Chaeyoung when there’s a knock at her door. She opens it without a second thought, expecting one of her members to be on the other side. Nayeon sometimes comes over and watches the drama with her, and Sana likes roping Tzuyu into helping her bake whatever creation she finds interesting on Instagram.
She doesn’t expect Chaeyoung to be standing at her door, looking up at Tzuyu with her familiar grin that feels more like home than this apartment ever has.
“Tzuyu-ah, it’s been two weeks and this is the first time I’ve seen your apartment.” Chaeyoung pouts, and Tzuyu resists the automatic urge to hug the other girl until she smiles again. It’s only been two weeks since they stopped living together, but for Tzuyu, it feels like there’s this new gap between them now. She’s unsure on how to navigate it.
“I didn’t know you wanted to see it,” Tzuyu mumbles, looking down at her shoes. She feels strangely small in the moment, even though she’s practically a head taller than Chaeyoung.
For being a maknae, Chaeyoung has always been very independent. She seemed happy to get an apartment and live on her own, and Tzuyu didn’t want to bother her newfound independence. She’s a bit jealous of Chaeyoung in that respect. Tzuyu’s only a few months younger than Chaeyoung, but she feels much younger in moments like these. Chaeyoung probably didn’t have to seek comfort in an unnie the first night away from the dorm.
Chaeyoung makes a face. “Of course I wanted to see it. I got tired of waiting for you to invite me over though, so I decided to come today.”
Tzuyu nods and lets Chaeyoung take a closer look at her apartment. She examines the apartment with sharp eyes, taking in the small amount of furniture and pictures. Tzuyu knows her apartment lacks personality, but she hasn’t been motivated to find more furniture or hang any pictures up. She probably should get around to that though, since it’d probably help her apartment feel more like a home than an unfamiliar place she uses for sleeping.
“Do you want to go to the Han River?” Chaeyoung asks while Tzuyu pours her a glass of water. It’s completely random, and it’s so Chaeyoung, it doesn’t phase Tzuyu at all.
She glances outside. The sun is setting, and it’s going to be dark soon. She normally starts her daily drama session at this time, but looking at Chaeyoung’s face, she figures it can wait. “Sure.”
By the time they drive there, it’s dark and the lights shine brightly against the night sky. Chaeyoung looks around with a wide grin, grabbing her hand and pulling her on a more secluded pathway.
They’ve never been very talkative. Tzuyu prefers to stay quiet and observe, while Chaeyoung has a tendency to get lost in her own surroundings. They mostly walk in a comfortable silence, neither one feeling the need to fill the space between them with mindless conversation.
Occasionally, Chaeyoung will blurt out what she’s thinking, and Tzuyu will listen. It’s another routine they’ve worked out in their years of knowing each other. Tzuyu enjoys listening to Chaeyoung ramble, even though sometimes she can’t understand half the things Chaeyoung is saying. Chaeyoung is all about art and creativity and freedom. Tzuyu likes the order and routine of life. They’re both so different, but that’s what makes them work. Tzuyu keeps Chaeyoung grounded to reality, and Chaeyoung shows Tzuyu the world through a dreamer’s lens.
Chaeyoung tells her about a new song she’s working on, and the lights cast a soft glow over her face, illuminating the excitement in her eyes. A warm feeling spreads throughout Tzuyu’s body as she looks at Chaeyoung.
It’s a feeling she’s become accustomed to over the years when she’s near Chaeyoung. Tzuyu usually writes it off as a result of her exceptionally close friendship with Chaeyoung. After all, people normally don’t consider a friend as their home. At least, not to the extent Tzuyu does. But she never thought it was unusual because it’s hard to spend every waking moment with someone and not become close.
In fact, she never thought twice about it.
However, standing here with Chaeyoung at the Han River, Tzuyu thinks she should probably have some self-reflection of her relationship with Chaeyoung because she’s pretty sure people’s stomachs don’t do tiny flips when they look at their friends.
She pushes it to the back of her mind for now, squeezing Chaeyoung’s hand instead. Chaeyoung smiles at her and rubs her thumb over Tzuyu’s knuckles. Her heart speeds up, and she pointedly ignores it.
She’ll figure it out later.
“Nayeon-unnie,” Tzuyu asks one night while they’re sitting on the couch, binging a drama. “What’s it like being in love?”
“I thought we agreed not to mention work while having our nightly TV sessions,” Nayeon responds, pausing the TV nonetheless and giving Tzuyu her full attention.
Tzuyu shakes her head. “I’m not talking about our song, I’m being serious. How do you know if you’re in love?”
“You should probably be asking Jihyo about this,” Nayeon says with a laugh. “She knows more about love than I do.”
Nayeon has a point. Jihyo’s been dating Daniel for nearly four years now, and Tzuyu’s pretty sure they’ve started discussing getting married. Not that Jihyo would ever get married while still being in Twice, but they’ve talked about it for the far future.
“I want to hear your opinion,” Tzuyu insists.
Nayeon contemplates the question for a few long moments, then she sighs. “I think you know when you’re in love when you can’t live without them.”
“That can be plenty of different people. Like my parents, or my dog, or my members, or even Onces.”
“Well, you love all those things, right?” Nayeon asks, and Tzuyu nods. “You need them in your life. If they ever left, nothing would be the same.”
“Isn’t that sad though? Shouldn’t you be able to live your life normally, even when you break-up?”
It takes a second for Tzuyu to realize Nayeon isn’t responding, and she steals a glance at the older girl, a question on the tip of her tongue. Nayeon’s expression stops her from saying anything.
Nayeon looks sad. Not the close-to-tears type of sad, but the hole-in-chest, empty-feeling type of sad, and Tzuyu doesn’t know what to do about it. She’s about to tell Nayeon to forget about it when Nayeon speaks up.
“I think, if you really loved someone, they’ll always affect you for the rest of your life. Whether it’s for better or for worse, that’s up to you.”
Tzuyu gets the feeling they aren’t talking hypothetically anymore, and she squirms in her spot on the couch. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m sorry.”
Nayeon chuckles. “What are you sorry for?”
“Dragging up memories, I guess.”
“It’s not your fault. I’ve made my peace with it a long time ago.” She looks at Tzuyu with raised eyebrows. “Why the sudden interest in love though?”
Tzuyu’s eyes dart to the paused screen with the two leads staring at each other lovingly. “All these characters seem to always know whether they’re in love or not, and I was just curious how they always knew.” She hopes nothing on her face gives it away.
From the look Nayeon gives her, it doesn’t work. Nayeon’s surprisingly observant, and Tzuyu attributes it to her being the oldest. She’s usually called the fake maknae by fans, but Nayeon feels lots of responsibility for the members, especially the younger ones.
“Tzuyu-ya, you can tell me anything,” Nayeon says, her voice soft and quiet. Tzuyu feels the sincerity dripping from Nayeon’s words.
She sighs, laying down and placing her head in Nayeon’s lap. “I know, unnie. Just not now.”
Nayeon doesn’t push the matter, instead she presses play and settles back into the couch, her hands coming up to play with Tzuyu’s hair. It’s comforting, something Tzuyu desperately needs at the moment. She doesn’t really pay attention to the TV screen. Her mind is racing with the new information Nayeon shared.
Could she live without Chaeyoung? She’s such a vital part of Tzuyu’s life, she can’t even begin to imagine not having Chaeyoung with her. But it was like that for all her members, so does this really tell Tzuyu the answer to her question?
“You’ll know if you’re in love,” Nayeon tells her before she leaves to her own apartment. “It might take a while, but you’ll always figure it out in the end.”
Tzuyu nods, storing the information away. She hugs Nayeon tightly. “Thank you, unnie.”
When the curtain closes, Tzuyu feels empty.
At first, she doesn’t cry like many of her members do. She doesn’t even think she has it in her to cry right now.
Ten years. She can’t believe she spent ten years of her life performing on stage, doing what she loved, making people genuinely happy, and now it’s all over. It all feels surreal to her, like she’s in a dream and she’s going to wake up tomorrow in the dorm for an early schedule.
Everything’s real though. It come crashing down on her at once, and she can feel the tears start to flow.
Twice is disbanded now. They’re never going to put on another concert, or spend days on end holed up in the studio, or frantically try to learn the dance steps to a new song together. That part of her life is over.
She’s glances at Chaeyoung, who’s teary-eyed but not crying. She’s probably waiting until she’s in the safety of her apartment later tonight, and the thought makes Tzuyu’s chest ache. She wishes Chaeyoung just let it all out and let them support her instead of crying when she’s alone.
Tzuyu doesn’t say that though. She walks over, wiping her tears away. Chaeyoung smiles when she catches sight of her, sad and small.
“It’s really over,” she says once Tzuyu’s close enough to hear her over the music being played to the crowd.
“Yeah.” Tzuyu pauses, swallowing the lump from the back of her throat. “I can’t believe it.”
“Same.”
Tzuyu doesn’t know what happens from here.
“I’m leaving for Taiwan soon,” Tzuyu says into the darkness, trying to wrap her head around the fact that she’s going to see her family in less than twenty-four hours.
Everything seems familiar, from Dahyun’s soft snores to Chaeyoung lying on the bed next to Tzuyu. If she closes her eyes, she can almost imagine they’re sixteen again, newly-debuted and dreaming of becoming Korea’s top girl group.
It had been Jihyo’s idea to rent their old dorm the first night after they disbanded. Tzuyu thinks it’s poetic how they started out in this dorm, and now they’re ending in it too.
“When?” Chaeyoung asks, startling Tzuyu. She thought the older girl had already fallen asleep, and she didn’t expect anyone to answer.
“Tomorrow,” Tzuyu whispers. She thought it was a good idea at the time. Tzuyu had just received the news of the incoming disbandment, and she didn’t know what to do with herself. She yearned for the familiar safety of her parents, so in a split-second decision, she purchased a one-way ticket to Taiwan for the day after their final concert.
She hears Chaeyoung shift around, and Tzuyu resists the urge to pat the bed. Isn’t she getting a bit old to ask to sleep in the same bed as Chaeyoung? She doesn’t have to ask. A moment later, Chaeyoung lifts the covers to Tzuyu’s bed and slips underneath. On instinct, Tzuyu pulls her closer, tucking Chaeyoung’s head under her chin.
“How long are you leaving for?”
Tzuyu bites her lip. “I don’t know.”
Saying it to Chaeyoung makes it feel a hundred times more real. She’s leaving her members, her friends, her new home.
She’s leaving Chaeyoung.
“Oh,” Chaeyoung murmurs, and Tzuyu wishes desperately there was light so she can see the expression on Chaeyoung’s face.
“I miss my family,” Tzuyu says, feeling the need to explain herself, explain why she’s leaving everything behind in Korea. She wants so badly to give Chaeyoung an explanation, but she doesn’t know what to say.
“I understand. It must be very hard being away from home all the time.”
And there was that word again. Home. What exactly is home to Tzuyu? It’s her family home in Taiwan, but it’s also Twice’s old dorm, and it’s her apartment she’s owned for two solid years. It’s Taiwan, and it’s Korea. It’s where she feels safe and comfortable, where she feels like she belongs.
Tzuyu realizes Chaeyoung is her home too, and she has been for a long time.
“Chaeyoung,” Tzuyu says before pausing. She wants to find a way to tell Chaeyoung the jumbled thoughts running through her mind, but something stops her.
She’s leaving the country tomorrow, and since she’s no longer a part of Twice, she’s most likely staying in Taiwan for an indefinite amount of time.
It wouldn’t be fair to her or to Chaeyoung to string her along when Tzuyu doesn’t even know when she’ll be returning. Truthfully, she doesn’t know if she’ll live in Korea permanently. She already sold her apartment, and the only thing truly tying her to Korea is her members.
She’s not even sure what exactly she feels for Chaeyoung. Is it really love? Or is Tzuyu’s homebody personality latching onto the home she’s made in Chaeyoung.
“Yes?” Chaeyoung says when the silence stretches for too long.
Tzuyu makes a decision. She swallows down the words threatening to burst from her lips, plastering on a smile instead even though Chaeyoung can’t see her. “Nothing. Just...don’t forget to call me once in a while while I’m gone.”
Chaeyoung’s hand slides down Tzuyu’s arm, and she links their fingers together. “I’ll call you everyday.”
It’s a promise, and Tzuyu can’t help but feel hopeful for the future. Maybe one day, when she figures out whether she wants to spend the rest of her life in Korea or in Taiwan, she’ll tell Chaeyoung everything she wants to say.
For now, she’s content to live in the moment with Chaeyoung, pushing away any thoughts of leaving.
The next day, there’s lots of tears at the airport during Tzuyu’s farewell. All her unnies are crying because the maknae is the first to go, and to an entirely different country no less. They force her to promise to keep in touch and visit them as often as possible, not that Tzuyu needs much convincing.
She gives each of them a tight hug, knowing this will be the last time for quite a bit. When she reaches Chaeyoung, she expects the shorter girl to koala-hug her like usual, but instead, Chaeyoung just studies Tzuyu.
“Chaeng?” Tzuyu says because there’s something indecipherable in Chaeyoung’s eyes that has Tzuyu shifting from foot to foot.
The strange look disappears, and Chaeyoung pulls Tzuyu into a hug, tucking her head in the crook of Tzuyu’s neck. “Everyday,” she murmurs.
“Everyday,” Tzuyu echoes, not wanting to let go.
Eventually she does though, and she looks back at her members before she boards the plane. They’re waving and smiling at her, and her gut clenches.
Soon, she says to herself as she’s led to her seat. She’ll be back soon.
To: Chaengie
Just landed
Delivered at 12:21 am.
From: Chaengie
glad u arrived safely
Delivered at 12:22 am.
To: Chaengie
I’ll facetime you when I get home
Delivered at 12:23 am.
From: Chaengie
i’ll be waiting :)
Delivered at 12:25 am.
From: Chaengie
i pet a dog today on the street
u would’ve liked him
Delivered at 1:47 pm.
To: Chaengie
Did you at least take a picture
Delivered at 1:52 pm.
From: Chaengie
[image recieved]
Delivered at 1:53 pm.
To: Chaengie
That’s an adorable pic
Delivered at 1:53 pm.
From: Chaengie
i know
Delivered at 1:53 pm.
To: Chaengie
I miss you
Unsent.
To: Chaengie
I miss everyone
Delivered at 1:56 pm.
From: Chaengie
we miss u too
Delivered at 2:00 pm.
From: Chaengie
sorry i missed ur call
i was at a music festival
Delivered at 5:32 am.
To: Chaengie
It’s okay
I figured you were busy
Delivered at 9:22 am.
From: Chaengie
i’ll try to call later tonight
but i might be with friends
so i’m not sure
Delivered at 1:19 pm.
To: Chaengie
Ok
Delivered at 1:20 pm.
From: Chaengie
can i call u tomorrow
it’s really loud here rn
Delivered at 7:39 pm.
To: Chaengie
Sure
I’ll be waiting :)
Delivered at 7:51 pm.
To: Chaengie
What are you doing rn
Delivered at 11:13 am.
From: Chaengie
driving to incheon
Delivered at 12:01 pm.
To: Chaengie
What for
Delivered at 12:37 pm.
From: Chaengie
a roadtrip
Delivered at 4:48 pm.
To: Chaengie
Oh cool
Where
Delivered at 5:23 pm.
From: Chaengie
idk
wherever the road leads me i guess
Delivered at 5:44 pm.
To: Chaengie
Ok lol
Let me know when you figure out where you’re going
Delivered at 5:58 pm.
To: Chaengie
How have you been
Delivered at 2:50 pm.
From: Chaengie
just exploring the city for the hundredth time
i wanna go somewhere different tho
i know seoul like the back of my hand already
Delivered at 2:52 pm.
To: Chaengie
Try going to a different city then
Delivered at 2:57 pm.
Tzuyu mindlessly scrolls through Instagram, liking the various pictures her members posted, when she stumbles across a post that has her pausing. She reads over the words again, then for a third time.
Home is where the heart is.
Tzuyu’s been in Taiwan for five months, and she’s thought about this the entire time she’s been here. She misses Korea, and the busy life Seoul has to offer. She misses her members.
She misses Chaeyoung.
Tzuyu is struck with a revelation.
She sits up straighter, pausing the TV and turning to face her parents. They look at her in confusion, and she swallows down her nerves. “I need to tell you something.”
Four hours and many tears later, she’s booking a one-way ticket back to Korea.
To: Chaengie
I’m coming back tomorrow
Delivered at 12:11 am.
From: Unknown Number
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Delivered at 12:11 am.