Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"No, no, I get it - you’re not gay.” 

“Right!”

“You’d be surprised how many gay women I’ve heard that from.”

The words stick in her mind, repeating over and over while she leans next to the door to Kara’s apartment, taking large bites out of the donut in her hand while she waits for her sister.

“A donut?” Kara suddenly rounds the corner. “You never eat sugar in the middle of the day, what’s wrong?”

“I’m feeling confused about something.” Is all Alex says in place of an answer, brows furrowed, before turning to the blonde. She’s going to tell her - about Maggie’s words the day before, about the thoughts she’s been having ever since. Instead she says “your steps were exceptionally stompy just now. You alright?”

Kara sighs and opens the door when she finally wins the fight with her keys, and Alex follows her in. “It’s Aunt Astra.”

And just like that, Alex’s earlier thoughts are pushed to the back of her mind. A heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach takes their place, the kind she always gets whenever Astra is mentioned, and suddenly the bottle that Kara places in front of her is incredibly interesting. “Is she okay?” She asks, picking at the label.

“She’s fine,” Kara waves a hand dismissively. “She’s - they want to bring her here.”

Alex, somehow, chokes on thin air. “Here? As in, into the city? I thought she was still helping Lucy out in the desert?”

“She was,” Kara sighs. “But with everything going on with Cadmus, J’onn thinks she’d be better off here, helping me.”

“Oh.” Alex frowns at that. She and Astra have, so far, done a fantastic job of avoiding each other. After Astra recovered from her stab wound, Alex had confronted her; told her that she wouldn’t apologise for doing what she had to, to save J’onn, but that she was glad that Astra had recovered and, ultimately, seen sense and joined their side. Astra in turn had accepted her not-apology, and since then they have rarely spoken, only really seeing each other if one happened to drop in on Kara while the other was visiting.

And the problem is, even with all of that in mind, Alex can’t really argue that having another Kryptonian around would be a good idea.

“I mean…” she begins, and Kara narrows her eyes.

“You can’t possibly be about to agree. You and Astra hate each other!”

“Not true!” Alex argues, and Kara just stares at her. “We don’t! It’s - we respect each other! I respectfully stay out of her way and she does the same to me.”

“Which you won’t be able to do if she’s reporting to the same building as you.”

“True, but…” Alex sighs. “J’onn isn't wrong, Kara. The weapons these guys have? We need all the help we can get. And I’m willing to put aside whatever issues Astra and I have to make sure that you stay safe.”

Kara scowls at that, but softens within seconds. She moves around the kitchen island to lean against her sister’s side, and Alex gladly wraps an arm around her shoulders.

“I hate when you’re right.”

“I know.”

They stay like that for a moment, then Kara looks up. “Hey - you came here to talk to me about something, right? Is everything okay?”

“Oh, it’s - it’s nothing, it can wait,” Alex says, and Kara gets that look that suggests she won’t let her get away with it that easily, but then they’re interrupted by Lena Luthor and Alex somehow simultaneously loves and hates the woman.

…

When Alex gets home that night, the first thing she notices is that the lights are on, and she instinctively reaches for her hip for the gun that is safely locked away at the DEO.

The second thing she notices is that there is someone in her apartment.

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” they say, and Alex freezes, because Astra is sitting on her couch, and has apparently been reading one of her books.

“How did you get in?” Alex asks, though her eyes land on the large windows on the other side of the apartment that are, currently, open.

“You really should lock those.”

“Clearly,” Alex agrees. They both ignore the fact that Astra could still get in, locked windows or not. “What are you doing here, Astra?”

Astra pauses to close the book on her lap and place it beside her on the couch. It is, Alex thinks, perhaps only the second time she has seen the other woman look nervous.

“Please, come sit,” Astra gestures to the space on the other side of the book. Alex only hesitates for a moment before closing the door behind her and joining the other woman in her living room. “I’m going to assume that you have spoken to Kara?” She asks, and Alex nods. “We will be working together now, and I-” she pauses, perhaps to collect her thoughts. “Things have been awkward between us for long enough, Alexandra.”

“Alex,” she corrects, automatically. Then, after a moment, says “I agree” and the relieved - if small - smile that Astra gives her is enough for Alex to return it. 

“You almost killed me,” Astra says after a moment; Alex’s smile drops instantly. “No, I’m - I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, Alexandra,” she tells her, and Alex doesn’t even bother to correct her this time. “You almost killed me to protect your family and I can respect that. And Rao knows, after the things myself and my people did to you and yours, I deserved nothing less.”

“Astra-”

“No, please,” Astra cuts her off. “It needed to be said. And now it’s out in the open, and I wish for us to move past it, if we can.” She holds out a hand and Alex stares for just a moment before reaching out and clasping Astra’s forearm, Astra doing the same in return.

“You’ve forgiven me for stabbing you, Astra,” Alex says when they both release their grip. “I’m pretty sure that means we can get past anything.”

Astra breathes out a small laugh at that, nods and heads back to the windows. “I look forward to working with you, Alex.” And with that, she takes off into the night sky.

Chapter Text

They all attend Lena’s fundraiser - Kara twice, in fact, and Alex can only shake her head as she watches Kara disappear and Supergirl quickly take her place. 

“Humans have an uncanny ability to miss what is right in front of them, don’t they?”

Alex turns and finds Astra right behind her, and a witty retort dies on the tip of her tongue. Until now she has seen Astra in her old black suit, and more recently in a similar one in a deep shade of blue. She has seen Astra in civilian clothes - usually jeans and a button up shirt. Now, though, Astra wears a dress; a modest one, yes, but it fits her just as her suit does and fastens over only one shoulder, and it happens to be the exact shade of blue. She’s wearing makeup, too, and Alex thinks that Kara must have styled her hair the way it falls in waves, the white streak as prominent as ever.

Alex is sure that this is the most human the woman has ever looked.

“Astra,” she says when she realises that she has been staring. “You look…”

“Kara insisted,” Astra explains. “I offered to stay nearby so that I could help should anything happen, but she wanted me at the party.” Her eyes land on her niece - now actually Kara once more - across the room. “Truthfully, I think she just wants to prove that she doesn’t need my help.”

“Well, hopefully she won’t,” Alex offers a smile. Then, as an afterthought, “And you look nice, by the way.”

“As do you,” Astra says. She doesn’t feel like it. Mostly she feels uncomfortable, dressed so impractically, but there is a small pistol strapped to her thigh that makes her feel marginally better. But she goes to thank her all the same, only to be interrupted by an explosion as three men appear armed with alien tech.

“Don’t,” Alex says, grabbing Astra’s arm when she steps forward. “Just - wait.”

Kara is there a moment later, and a few seconds after that is on the ground. 

“Do you still want me to wait?” Astra asks, but Alex is already running past her, gun out, and Astra soon follows.

The fight ends almost as quickly as it began. Lena and Winn save the day, shutting down the weapons, but even as people start cleaning up, Alex finds herself sitting next to a severely winded - and slightly singed - Astra.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she says, quietly. Not helped by the confusion of people running around them, the armed man Alex had gone after had managed to knock her to the ground, gun instantly trained on her chest. But the blast didn’t get a chance to connect.

“Of course I did,” Astra frowns. “You would have died.”

And - well - Alex can’t exactly argue with that. “Thank you,” is what she says instead. 

“I imagine Kara will be upset about this, though,” Astra gestures to the front of her dress. There is a hole in the material over her abdomen, still smoking a little. Alex’s laugh catches in the back of her throat when she catches a glimpse of the bottom of what she knows to be a thin, long scar that stretches the length of Astra’s sternum.

“I didn’t realise that it…” she trails off and Astra follows her eye line, looking down.

“It’s fine, Alex.” She tugs at the ruined material a little, trying to hide the mark. When unsuccessful she stands up. “I should get going before anyone wonders why I’m not actually injured.” Alex nods and Astra walks a few steps away before turning back. “Anyway. Your Agent Lane saw it once and assured me that - what was it? ‘Chicks dig scars’?”

Alex says nothing to that - what could she, really? - and simply stares, mouth hanging open slightly in surprise, as Astra smirks at her before leaving to say goodbye to Kara. 

It’s then, of course, watching Astra walk away, that Maggie’s voice pops into Alex’s head again for the first time all evening.

I didn’t know you were into girls , it says.

Shit , Alex’s own internal voice replies.

…

The all died suddenly, the men the NCPD had arrested at the fundraiser. Alex hears it from J’onn as soon as he gets word, and when he tells her that Maggie had been the one handling them he lets her head home a little early, where she goes to change before heading out to the only place she can think that Maggie might be.

Entering the alien bar, sure enough, she spots Maggie straight away, sitting by herself with three shots lined up in front of her, one already empty. “I heard what happened,” Alex walks up beside her just as she downs the second. “You okay?”

Maggie barely glances her way, staring off in front of her. “I’ve seen some crazy stuff since I joined the science force, but that was, um - that was…” she trails off and finally looks up at Alex. “What are you doing here?”

“I was worried about you.”

“Look, I’m-” Maggie starts, and she looks a little sheepish. “I’m sorry if I was too forward the other day. That wasn’t my place.” Alex just shakes her head and smiles before taking a seat opposite her.

“My whole life has been about being perfect.” She says. “Perfect grades, perfect job. Being the perfect sister, taking care of Kara. But the one part of my life that I’ve never been able to make perfect… was dating.” There’s a pause, and Maggie gives a sympathetic smile. “I just never really liked it. I - I don’t know, I mean, I tried! I got asked out, I just… I never liked…” Alex stops again to take a breath, less about necessity and more about steeling herself. “Being intimate. I don’t know, I just thought maybe that’s not the way I was built. Y’know? Just not my thing. I never thought it was because of the - the other - that-”

Internally, Alex curses herself because this shouldn’t be so hard to say, should it? But when she looks at Maggie there is only understanding in the other woman’s eyes as she stutters her way through this.

“I don’t know,” she continues. “Now I just can’t stop thinking about…”

“About what?” Maggie asks. Still so understanding, so careful, and she tilts her head, encouraging Alex to continue.

“That maybe there’s some truth to what you said.”

“About?” She asks again.

“What you said.” Alex smiles. “About me.” And Maggie just nods, honestly more sure in that moment that Alex has been all day, but Alex suddenly feels a lot less weight on her shoulders.

“I have to go.”

Chapter Text

She spots J’onn first, sitting up at the bar, talking to M’Gann. Then Kara, who she hears before she sees, laughing in a booth with - oh.

“Hey.” Alex approaches them, tells herself that this doesn’t have to be awkward, not at all, just because she’s - well, she doesn’t even get a chance to be awkward, because Kara looks up at her, squinting as though she’s not wearing the glasses she doesn’t even need.

“Hey. Hey!” Kara’s face lights up. “You look like my sister.” She says, and Alex’s day has suddenly improved.

“Are you slurring your words?”

“Am I?” Kara asks, almost offended at the accusation, before trying and failing to say “chocolate” in one go. Alex turns to Astra, giving her a questioning look.

“Aldebaran rum.” Astra gestures to the empty glasses on the table. “Just about the only thing that can intoxicate a kryptonian.”

Her cheeks are a little red, Alex notices, and there’s a lightness in her eyes that she hasn’t seen before - she’s unsure if it’s because of the added rum or getting to spend some time with Kara, but it’s nice all the same.

“Wow. Kara Danvers, drunk.” Alex is, honestly, a little delighted, especially when Kara starts giggling, but has to tear herself away from them because she spots the very reason she came here in the first place. “You know what? I’ll be back in a sec because I’m driving you home - both of you.”

She leaves them to head over to the pool table where Maggie is setting up for another round, and she’s vaguely aware of Kara saying “I’m not flying, that’s for sure!” when Maggie looks up and beams at her.

“Danvers! You’re alive.”

“Yeah, uh. Sorry,” Alex says, maybe a little lamely.

“For what?”

“I mean, for coming in here, dropping a bomb on you…”

“It’s not the first bomb that’s ever been dropped on me,” Maggie brushes it off, circling around to the other side of the table. “How’re you doing? With all that?”

“I just -” Alex shrugs. “I don’t know what to do now, you know? I’m almost thirty and I feel like a kid again.”

“Well, everyone’s experience is different. I can only tell you what I did.”

“Which is what?” Alex asks, hopeful.

“I came out to my family.”

Oh.

“How did they take it?”

“Well, uh, my dad isn’t exactly known for his open-mindedness but he was pretty good.” Maggie nods, then adds “and so was my mom.”

Alex thinks about her own mother for a moment. She doesn’t remember her ever being openly against - this kind of thing. But she does remember all the times Eliza has asked her about boyfriends, told her about men she used to go to school with who have since moved to National City, too.

“Maybe it’s just a phase.” That has to be easier to deal with than actually telling people, she’s sure. “You know? Maybe it’s not real.”

“No,” Maggie shuts that down immediately. “It’s real. You’re real. And you deserve to have a real, full, happy life, ‘kay? Tell your family.” Alex swallows. Hard. “This is the biggest thing that’s ever happened to you and you shouldn’t have to do it alone.”

What Alex thinks is that she isn’t sure this qualifies as being bigger than having an alien sister dropped on her doorstep as a teenager. What she says is, “I have you” and Maggie gives her a smile.

“Yeah, you do. And I’m good for a drink when you come out.”

“You promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

Alex laughs, but any further conversation is interrupted by her phone beeping. Out of the corner of her eye she sees J’onn check his, too, and they share a look.

“Listen, Maggie, I have to go, but, uh-” she clears her throat. This needs to be said, has needed to be said since this started. “I just wanted you to know that… despite all of - well, this ? I really wasn’t angling for anything the other day.”

Gasping, Maggie lays a hand over her chest in mock offense. “You mean I’m not responsible for you running for Miss Gay Panic 2016?”

“Oh, no, you are.” Alex points a finger accusingly. “You started all this, but-”

“Short cops not your type?” Maggie arches an eyebrow.

“It’s not that you’re not great! You are! It’s just-”

“Alexandra.” Spinning around at the sound of her name, Alex comes face to much-closer-than-she’d-anticipated face with Astra. “Your presence is required.”

“Right,” Alex clears her throat, nods, and Astra leaves to help J’onn wrangle Kara out of the bar. When she turns back around, Maggie is smirking at her. “What?”

“Nothing,” is all Maggie says, feigning innocence. “Nothing at all, Alexandra.”

Alex frowns, but doesn’t have time to question her because she can hear Kara outside threatening to fly.

“I’ll see you later?” She asks and Maggie nods. 

“Definitely not short cops she’s into,” Maggie mutters to herself, turning her attention back to the pool table.

Chapter Text

When they get back from Norway, Alex is preoccupied with Doctor Jones right up until he insists on leaving her care. They can’t stop him, of course, and Alex ends up looking for her sister; Winn tells her that she’s sparring with her aunt, that Astra thought it would clear both of their heads, and Alex mostly hopes she doesn’t find a wrecked training room.

“You need to be faster than that, Little One,” she hears as she opens the door, and Kara hits the wall next to her with a thud.

“You two playing nice?” Alex holds out a hand and pulls her sister to her feet. When she looks over, Astra briefly looks a little sheepish.

“Her reflexes aren’t up to par,” she explains. 

“You got me drunk!” Kara narrows her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m starting to think it was just so you could beat me in a fight.”

“Children,” Alex scolds. She’s sure that she sees Astra roll her eyes and chuckles to herself. “How’s the hangover?”

“Nearly gone, thank god,” Kara sighs. “How was Norway? We heard you brought someone back.”

Alex hums and nods. “Doctor Rudy Jones. He was the only one there still alive. The rest of his team were…” she pauses, thinks back. “It’s like the life had been sucked out of them.”

"Did you question him?” Astra asks, suddenly interested.

“As best we could. He didn’t exactly stick around.”

“That’s… suspicious,” Kara frowns and Alex shrugs.

“He’s too busy trying to end global warming,” Alex’s eyes land on Astra again and she smirks. “I’m sure you two would get along.”

“I’m sure,” Astra says drily.

Alex laughs and turns back to her sister, nudging her side. “Hey, can we talk? If you’re feeling up to it.”

“Yeah, sure,” Kara eyes her for a moment. “Just let me go get changed.”

When she leaves Alex stays where she is for a while, content to stand in silence until Astra speaks, interrupting her thoughts on what she’s about to do.

“Is everything alright?” She asks and Alex blinks, because the other woman is right beside her.

“Fine.” At Astra’s look, she sighs. “Really. I’m just… I’m working some things out, and sometimes you just need your sister.” She realises, as soon as the words leave her mouth, that that may have been a little insensitive, and she winces at the same time Astra flinches. “Shit. Astra-”

“It’s alright.” Astra gives a pained smile. “I know what you mean.”

“I’m sorry.” She puts a hand on Astra’s arm, possibly looking as surprised at the action as Astra herself does. Astra raises her other hand, and Alex thinks, for a moment, that it’s going to cover her own, but then Kara’s head pokes around the door.

“Ready!” She smiles, and Alex coughs, gives Astra a brief smile and follows her sister out.

They head down to the water. It’s where Alex comes to clear her head; somewhere she’s spent a lot of time recently, so it seems appropriate for this. They walk in silence for a while, Alex collecting her thoughts.

“So what’s going on?” Kara asks, finally. “Is something wrong?”

“No, no.” Alex waves her hand. “I, um - I just, uh - I wanted to talk to you about something. Something about me.”

“Alex, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“It’s about Maggie,” Alex starts, pauses, because that’s not - quite right?

“Your cop friend.” She nods.

“She and I started working on a couple of cases together and, y’know, hanging out after work, and… y’know. I started, um. Thinking. About her.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Kara gives a small laugh and Alex thinks.

“Well, you know, she’s… Maggie’s gay,” nodding, Alex thinks maybe that’ll make this clearer, but Kara just waits for her to continue. “And she’s made me realise that I might have some… feelings.”

“Feelings? Like…” Kara trails off and Alex points, nods again.

“Yeah. Yeah, those… those feelings.”

“Oh.” Kara stops then, thoughtful.

“So Maggie thought I should tell you,” she continues. “And, so, I did. I just did.”

Kara moves over to a nearby bench, sitting down. “So… so, she’s gay.”

“Yeah.”

“And are you saying…” Kara looks up at her. “You’re gay, too?”

“I - I don’t know.” Alex sighs, frustrated, because just hearing the word fills her with anxiety. “I’m just trying to make sense of it all. It’s so… complicated.”

“Alex, it - it kind of sounds like you’re coming out to me.” Kara gives her a small smile. “Have you felt like this before?”

Alex shakes her head. “Not like this.”

“Have you ever been with a girl?”

“No! Never.”

Kara nods. “Okay. Well, what’s different?” She asks. “I know you haven’t been dating much-”

“This isn’t because I haven’t found the right guy,” Alex cuts her off instantly, perhaps a little harshly, but she’s had the thought herself enough over the last few days.

“I never said it was!” Kara raises a hand in defense. “I’m just trying to understand, okay?”

Softening, Alex stays quiet just long enough to put her thoughts into words. “You know… I’m up all night just - thinking about it. And if I’m being honest, y’know, I realised that maybe I’ve had thoughts like this before.” She finally joins Kara on the bench as she explains. “You remember my best friend in high school, Vicky Donahue?”

“Yeah, I remember Vicky. You guys had a really bad falling out, right?”

Alex laughs to herself at that and can’t quite make herself look at her sister while she explains - how she used to love sleeping over at Vicky’s house, in her bed. How they fought over nothing because Alex felt something for her and panicked, how she buried the memory so deep that it was like it never happened. 

“So, are you and Maggie like, um…” Kara begins when Alex is done. “I mean, do you know if she likes you?” And Alex almost laughs again, because it’s only now that she realises how all of this will have sounded.

“No, I - I don’t-” she stops, takes a breath. “I don’t really wanna talk about it anymore.”

With that she stands, ignoring Kara’s gentle “Alex” and heads off.

Chapter Text

“I need to punch something,” Alex says to no one in particular. 

They found Doctor Jones - or the parasite that’s taking him over - and Kara was lucky to escape with her life. After she shrugged off Alex’s offer for a ride home everyone left to go about their business, find out more about this thing and how to stop it. But Alex is just sitting at her desk, and out of the corner of her eye sees Winn rolling away as far as he can go on his chair.

“Perhaps I can help with that.”

“Are you incapable of not sneaking up on me?” Alex peers up at Astra, who just smiles.

“Apparently not. Come.” She gestures for Alex to follow her, and soon they’re in the training room. And Alex - she hadn’t exactly been thinking literally, but sparring does tend to make her feel better, and Astra is a better fighter than, well - than most people Alex knows.

“I’ll even make it fair,” Astra tells her before reaching for the dial on the wall, and the room lights up with a sickly-green glow.

“And they say chivalry is dead,” Alex snarks. Astra laughs, and then they’re fighting.

They’ve fought before, Alex knows, but this is different. There’s no danger this time, no worrying about loved ones, no city about to be no more; it’s pure stress relief, something Alex has been too busy for lately, and she feels herself calming in one way even as she tenses in another to avoid the fist coming at her.

“Good,” Astra praises and Alex hates herself the tiniest bit for the way she stands a little straighter, for the pleased little smirk she can’t hold back.

“Not so bad yourself, General.”

“I’m hardly a general anymore, Agent Danvers,” Astra says, sees the distraction a little too late and finds her legs swept out from under her, finds herself flat on her back with Alex standing over her.

“If that’s how you fight, I’m starting to wonder how you even earned that rank in the first pla-hey!” Cut off before she can finish her sentence, Alex hits the floor with a thud. She tries to get up, to at least roll onto her side, but suddenly Astra is on her, straddling her abdomen, pinning Alex’s hands to her sides with her knees. “Uh…”

“Less cockiness, I think? It’s beneath you, Alexandra.”

Alex feels her mouth going a little dry when she struggles to get up. Astra is strong . That much is obvious on any given day, but right now she’s weakened by kryptonite, should be easy enough to fight off but, Alex remembers, this woman fought before Earth - fought before she had the planet’s yellow sun feuling her. The powers are just a bonus.

“You should go speak with her,” Astra says after a moment, continues when Alex frowns. “Kara. Something is bothering the two of you, that much is obvious. Why else would you be here?”

Because I’m a glutton for punishment? Alex thinks. 

“You’re right.”

“I usually am,” Astra smirks, and somehow that is what makes Alex’s nerves come rushing back; she’s done for, she realises, because she’s admitted to herself that she might like women, might have always liked women. She’s coming to term with past attractions, and eventually she might even be able to say That Word out loud.

What she hasn’t really given much thought to - couldn’t, if she’s honest with herself - is the prospect of being actively interested in women right now. So with Astra leaning over her, smirking down at her, the realisation hits her hard enough that she lets out a quiet oh and wriggles enough that Astra takes pity on her and stands up.

“Are you alright?” She asks, frowning, and Alex just nods as she clambers back up to her feet.

“Fine! Fine. Just - I should go talk to Kara, you know?” Alex doesn’t move, stays still long enough that Astra prompts her with a head tilt and a “now?”

“Now,” Alex agrees, doesn’t say goodbye as she rushes out of the door, to her locker, then to her bike with a speed that might actually impress a kryptonian. 

Except she doesn’t go to Kara’s.

She gets halfway there and stops, pulls over to the side of the road, pulls out her phone and calls Maggie.

“Danvers?”  

“Are you free right now?”

“Right now?” Maggie asks, making Alex realise that it’s pretty late. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Maggie, I just-” She pauses, swallows. “I’m sorry. I know I’m putting a lot on you, but I could really do with someone to talk to.”

“I’ll text you my address.”

Chapter Text

When Maggie opens her door, it takes just about everything in Alex’s power not to blurt out “I think I’m attracted to my sister’s aunt” because that might not come across particularly well.

Instead she assures Maggie that she’s not actually dying (“good, because you kind of sounded like it over the phone”), follows her into the apartment, sits on her couch and says yes a little too quickly when Maggie asks if she wants a beer.

“You’re my favourite human,” she accepts it gratefully, and downs about a third of it immediately.

“So,” Maggie raises an eyebrow. “When you said you were ‘fine’...?”

“I am,” Alex insists. Maggie stares at her. “I am! Sort of, I just, um-” she cuts herself off, combs her fingers through her hair. 

“Is this about Kara?” Maggie joins her, taking up the other end of the couch. “Did you tell her?”

“No, it’s - I mean, yeah, I did tell her.”

“How’d she take it?”

“Okay?” Alex shrugs. “She’s been kind of weird with me since I told her. She’s gonna be even weirder if I tell her the… other thing?”

“Other thing?”

Taking a deep breath, Alex lifts her bottle for another large gulp, winces as she swallows, and this time actually does blurt out “I think I’m attracted to someone.”

Maggie just stares at her for a long moment, as though waiting for her to continue. “And?”

“And it’s someone Kara’s close to.”

“Danvers,” Maggie pauses to choose her words carefully. “Did you show up here, freaking out, because you’ve got a crush?” At Alex’s sheepish look, she laughs.

“It’s complicated!” 

“What, because one of Kara’s friends happens to have caught your eye?”

“It’s more than that!” Alex insists, wonders how she can actually explain that she might be totally into her sister’s aunt who happens to physically only be a few years older than her, and also that it’s not as creepy as it sounds. “They’re - they’re really close! Practically family.”

“And Kara’s a big girl! I’m sure she can handle it.”

Alex opens her mouth, starts to reply and downs the rest of her drink instead. “I hope you’re right.”

“Alex…” Maggie shuffles closer, nudging Alex’s leg with her own. “You’re allowed to be interested in someone, okay? It’s not the end of the world. And if you’re really worried about Kara? Talk to her.”

Alex sighs, nodding.

“So who is it?” Maggie asks after a while. “Ooh! Is it Lena Luthor?” She holds up a hand before Alex can answer, shakes her head. “No, she’s not your type.”

Alex scoffs. “Oh, you know my type now?”

“I have a vague idea,” Maggie smirks.

“Yeah? Do tell.”

“Maybe… I don’t know, hot, tall aliens with white streaks in their hair?”

Alex freezes. “Shit.”

“Tell you what, Danvers,” Maggie takes the empty bottle from Alex’s hand, stands and heads to the kitchen. “I’ll make you a deal.”

“Yeah?”

“I won’t ask how your sister seems to know so many aliens, or why she spends so much time at the bar and seems to drink stuff that would, at the very least, put your average person in a coma,” she says. Alex winces internally. “ If you go talk to your sister, work things out, and see about getting yourself a girl. Deal?”

“How could I say no to that?”

…

It’s late morning by the time she gets to Kara’s apartment, and the fact that Kara won’t even let her in, that she has to use her spare key, doesn’t exactly make her feel better about the whole situation.

But they talk (a lot) and cry (... more) and soon enough they’re hugging on the sofa, and Alex is desperately trying to wipe at her face when Kara says, “tell me about Maggie.” and Alex frowns.

“I mean, you’ve met her.”

“I know, but does she… I mean, does she like you, too?”

“Wait,” Alex blinks. “What? I don’t like Maggie.”

“Sure you do! When you told me, you said it was about Maggie!”

“It was! I mean - she’s the one who made me think about all of this in the first place.”

“In what way?”

“She…” This probably isn’t going to make it sound better. “She thought I was asking her out - which I wasn’t! But she said she didn’t know I was into girls, and I guess…”

“You didn’t either.” Kara gives her sister’s shoulders another squeeze.

“And that just kind of - it stuck in my head, you know? I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you figured it out,” Kara says, pulling away and smiling at her. “You deserve to be loved, Alex. And if you weren’t interested, that would be fine, but now that you know you could be…” 

Kara trails off, leaves the rest of her sentence left unsaid and they sit in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Eventually Kara turns in her seat, folding a leg underneath her so she can face her sister properly and Alex does the same.

“I’m kind of curious, though. Is there someone?” At her question, Alex swallows, feels her cheeks grow a little warm and Kara’s face switches to one of absolute joy. “There is!”

“I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to be more excited about this than me.”

“But I am excited!” Kara exclaims, clapping her hands together. “You’ve always listened to me talk about boys, and now it’s my turn!”

“Kara-”

“Who is she? Do I know her?”

“Are we really doing this?” Alex groans, Kara’s face making it clear that yes, they are and no, there’s no point in resisting. “Yes, you know her.”

“Is it someone from the DEO?”

“... Yes.”

“Oh!” Kara claps again. “Is it Vasquez? Is it Lucy? Please tell me it’s not the insurance lady, she hates me.”

“She’s - new,” Alex settles on.

“And…?”

“And she’s… stubborn, so you two have that in common.” Kara sticks her tongue out. “She’s impulsive and… and infuriating.”

“Are you sure you don’t have a crush on yourself?” Kara asks - and gets a pillow to the face for it. 

“But she’s crazy smart, too,” Alex continues as though nothing happened. “Really thoughtful when she wants to be, and super protective, I mean - I don’t know if she’d kill for her family or die for them. Probably both.”

“Is she pretty?” Kara’s smiling, and she may have been onto something because the more Alex speaks, the more she relaxes. 

“She’s…” She thinks back to Lena’s fundraiser, how Astra looked in that dress, then how unfairly put together she still looked after taking a blast to the chest from an alien rifle. She thinks about Astra in battle, when she gets that borderline cocky look on her face when she’s sure that her opponent doesn’t stand a chance, thinks about that time she’d come over to see Kara and found Astra curled up on the couch, speed-reading every book she could get her hands on with a look of pure concentration. “Beautiful.”

“What’s her name?” Kara asks, and Alex looks at her, takes a breath. You can do this , she thinks.

“It’s-”

“Oh, Astra!”

“What? How’d-” Alex blinks, follows her sister’s line of sight just as Astra opens the windows and steps in. “Oh.”

“Your Director would like me to tell you to… ‘check your damn phones’, I believe it was?” Astra lifts an eyebrow and the sisters glance at each other sheepishly before they both reach into their respective pockets.

“Oh, crap,” Alex mutters.

“Indeed. Winn believes he knows where Doctor Jones will strike next, if you’d both like to join us?”

They roll their eyes in unison and get up, Kara immediately changing into her Supergirl gear. “Want a lift?” She asks Alex, who shakes her head.

“I could use the ride, clear my head. Meet you there?”

"Alex.” Kara grabs her arm before she can leave. “We’ll talk about this more later, okay?”

They’re both gone before she can so much as nod.

Chapter Text

“You’ll tire yourself out.” 

Alex briefly pauses to glance over at Astra, sitting beside her niece. But that means she sees Kara, and then she looks at J’onn, and resumes her pacing, thoughts moving even faster in her head, and she might just stay that way until something happens, but then Astra is in front of her, hands gripping the tops of her arms.

“Alexandra.”

“I should’ve gotten there sooner,” she says, instantly. “I could’ve stopped this, I could’ve-”

“Don’t,” Astra cuts in. “Do you not think that I have been… torturing myself over this, also? If you had been there, he would have killed you. Just as if I had been there, it is likely that all three of us would be out, he would be even stronger, and there would be no one to go after him”

“Go after him?”

“Someone has to,” Astra lifts her chin and moves her hands to her hips, and the resemblance between her and Kara has never been stronger. “Your friend - the nervous one with the computers? He’s been tracking the Parasite.”

“I guess something like that can only stay hidden for so long.”

“Name’s Winn,” the man in question pops his head in. “And I’m not nervous. All the time, anyway. And you’re correct - we’ve got him.”

“Thank you, Winn,” Astra nods - starts to follow him out until Alex grabs her arm.

“Astra…” She opens her mouth to say something, closes it again.

“Alexandra?”

At Astra’s questioning look, Alex finds that all she can do is squeeze her arm a little tighter and say, “don’t die.”

“I don’t intend to,” Astra replies, but she doesn’t have her usual confident smirk, instead looks a little puzzled before she heads out, leaving Alex to slump down into her vacated chair between Kara and J’onn. 

…

She invites Kara over for dinner once it’s all over. The Parasite - and, unfortunately, the man it latched onto - is gone, and Alex knows it hit her sister hard, and that the sudden appearance of a new “hero” type is getting to her. So she texts her, says she’s got enough food fit for - well, her, and unsurprisingly Kara flies into her apartment within minutes.

Alex knows how to feed a kryptonian; she’s endured years of “are you gonna eat that?” to know not to underestimate her sister’s appetite, but she’s also pretty good at buttering her up with food. The coffee table is piled high with pizza boxes, a bag full of potstickers, and two-dozen donuts - plus there are three pints of ice cream in the freezer.

“What’s going on?” Kara asks as soon as she’s over the sudden, overwhelming smell of food.

“Nothing’s going on,” Alex answers, maybe a little too quickly. “Why would anything be going on?”

“Alex, you have enough food here to keep two kryptonians satisfied for at least a few hours. What’s up?”

“Maybe I just wanted to show my little sister how much I appreciate her.” But Alex knows her smile is a little too pig, a little too forced, so she’s grateful when her Kara’s hunger apparently outweighs her curiosity, and a few minutes they’re both sitting in front of the TV, Alex with a couple of slices of pizza, Kara with three times as much (plus however many potstickers she can fit on top).

It’s just like any other sister night if they ignore the large amounts of nervous energy radiating off of Alex, and they do - ignore it, long enough for them to get through an episode and a half of Sense8, and long enough for Kara to move on to the donuts.

“Are you gonna tell me why your heart’s been doing double time all night?” Kara asks, pausing the TV. “And please don’t tell me you’re freaking out over the sex scenes because we watch Orange Is the New Black together and you’re always fine.”

“God, no, it’s nothing like - it’s -” Alex stops to take a steadying breath. “I have to tell you something.”

“If you’re about to come out as straight-”

“You’re hilarious. No. You remember… remember I told you that I thought I might be attracted to someone?”

Kara’s eyes brighten instantly and she sits up a little straighter. “Did something happen?”

“No, no, nothing happened. I just… I didn’t get to tell you who it is, and… I feel like I owe it to you to tell you.”

“You said it was someone I know?” Alex nods, bites her lip. “Alex, you can tell me. So you’re interested in one of my friends, big deal.” She pauses, pulls a thoughtful face. “Unless it’s Cat, because that could be difficult.”

“It’s not Cat,” Alex laughs, and her voice wavers a little so Kara quickly pulls her in for a one-armed hug. “I don’t want you to hate me.”

“Alex! How could your potential love life ever make me hate you?”

“... It’s Astra.”

And Kara, bless her heart, turns to look at the door, then the windows. “What? Where?”

“No, Kara. It’s Astra .”

“Oh.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Wow.”

“Is that, um… is that something you’d have a problem with?”

“That depends.” Kara pulls away and when Alex looks up, she has a look on her face that can only be described as a cross between sympathetic and mildly uncomfortable. “You say you’re… attracted to her. Does that just mean you think she’s pretty? Or - or you’d want to try doing… stuff … with her?” Her expression changes to all-out uncomfortable and Alex kind of wants to congratulate her just for getting the words out. “Or do you actually, you know… like her?”

Alex sighs, sits up and starts picking at her sleeves. “I mean, obviously I think she’s pretty - she is. But… I don’t know, there’s just something about her. And, I mean, it’s not like it matters because she’s not gonna be interested and it would be way too weird, I just - I wanted you to - why are you laughing?”

Kara started smiling right around “she’s not gonna be interested”, then chuckling to herself, and honestly it’s a little distracting.

“She’s always talking about you.”

“What?”

“Astra, she - she talks about you. A lot. Even before you guys called a truce, it’s like she was fascinated by you, always wanted to know more. I think she used to drop by while you were there on purpose, and she always looked a little disappointed when you’d leave.”

“What, um,” Alex clears her throat, trying to process this new information. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying… that it might take me a while to get used to, and if you ever share anything too personal I’ll melt your face, but… your feelings probably aren’t all that one-sided.”

“Well,” Alex sighs. “Shit.” Kara laughs.

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“No?” Alex looks at her, suddenly panicked. “Before it was just a concept. Now I might actually have to do something about it.”

Chapter Text

Between Astra and Kara getting kidnapped by Cadmus, Alex not finding out until after the fact because she was too busy dealing with James Olsen playing Batman, finding out that her father is alive, and Thanksgiving sneaking up on her, Alex hardly gets a chance to breathe, let alone actually woman up and talk to Astra.

Instead, she drinks. And threatens James and Winn. And gets her beer stolen by her sister, which is why she finds herself doing her best Tom Cruise impression, the Mission Impossible theme stuck in her head as she sneaks behind her mother and sister to get to the refrigerator. 

“I see now how you were able to defeat me,” Astra says, making her jump, and really they need to talk about sneaking up on people who are already sneaking . “How did I ever stand a chance?”

Alex turns and Astra is only half a foot behind her, leaning casually on the kitchen counter as though she’d always been there, what is absolutely Alex’s beer in one hand, a small bunch of flowers in the other. 

“For me?” Alex rolls her eyes. “You shouldn’t have.”

“For your mother,” Astra corrects, and it dawns on Alex that Eliza and Astra have never actually met. 

“Trying to make a good impression?”

“Of course,” Astra frowns, as though that should be obvious. Pushing away from the countertop, Astra lifts the bottle to her lips, winces when liquid hits her tongue (and, okay, maybe it’s not fancy alien rum, but still - rude), hands the bottle back over and proceeds to make introductions. Alex, meanwhile, just kind of stares at the bottle for a while, genuinely considering drinking it when she feels Kara’s eyes on her.

(She doesn’t, instead fetches the good stuff her sister keeps in the freezer.)

And the thing is, the world they live in is ridiculous. Alex knows this. But she still can’t help but take it a little personally when an interdimensional portal opens up right as she’s trying to stutter her way through her Big Coming Out Speech.

…

The virus shouldn’t affect Kryptonians.

It was specifically created to attack everyone but Kryptonians, which is exactly why Alex brings her mother to the DEO, because Astra is as Kryptonian as they come, but she’s still lying unconscious in a hospital bed.

“So what is it?” Eliza asks when they’re alone, working hard to combat the virus.

“I’ve got the mainframe breaking down the virus on a molecular level,” Alex explains. “It’s possible that Cadmus used some of Kara’s blood to alter it somehow.”

“No. I mean, I know you’ve been trying to tell me something.”

“Oh. Uh. No.” Alex shakes her head, pushing away from her desk, and suddenly a screen on the other side of the lab is more interesting. But she can still feel her mother’s eyes on her, silently watching, waiting, and Alex sighs. “How?”

“Keeping a secret disagrees with you, sweetie.”

Alex shakes her head, folds her arms over her chest. “This isn’t like that, mom.”

“Does it have anything to do with Astra?” Eliza smiles at her softly when Alex’s head snaps up. “You couldn’t keep your eyes off of her at dinner.” Alex swallows, looks off to the side, and Eliza approaches her with a sigh. “My beautiful Alexandra. Why is it so hard for you to tell me?”

“I feel like I’m, uh,” Alex’s voice wavers. “I’m letting you down? Somehow.”

“Why would your being gay ever let me down?” Eliza asks with a shrug, and Alex wonders if there really is something to that “mother’s intuition” thing she’s always dismissed. 

“You always wanted me to have a regular life.”

“Alex, look at the life our family has lead. Look at me, look at your sister. I don’t think you ever believe I expected you to have a regular life. You were always gonna be different, Alex, because you were always exceptional and I love you, however you are.” Eliza holds out her arms, says “come here” when Alex finds that she can’t look at her, and Alex lets out the breath she didn’t even know she was holding and lets her mother wrap her arms around her.

…

“I lied to you,” Maggie tells her while Alex presses a bandage over her stitches. At Alex’s questioning look, she sighs. “I told you that my parents accepted me and they didn’t. In reality, they kicked me out.”

“Maggie-”

“No, please,” Maggie insists and Alex nods. “I lied to you because I didn’t want to scare you. I knew that if I told you the truth, you’d just shrink right back into your shell and I couldn’t let that happen.”

“Was I that obvious?”

“The constant deer-in-the-headlights expression was kind of a giveaway,” Maggie chuckles. 

Alex laughs and perches on the edge of the bed. “So, uh. Why are you telling me now?”

“Because I need you to know that I’m proud of you. You’ve grown so much since I met you, it’s incredible.”

“Yeah, well,” Alex shrugs with one shoulder. “I couldn’t have done it without my fantastic gay mentor.”

“You’re damn right.” They both laugh. Maggie’s eyes land on the bed across from hers, and Alex follows her gaze to where Astra is lying. “You’ll fix this. I know you will. And you’re gonna get the girl.”

“Let’s hope,” Alex sighs and hops up from the bed. She looks at Astra for a moment longer, then turns back to Maggie. “Hey, I’m sorry - about your parents.”

“It’s their loss,” Maggie shrugs, then winces at the pull of her stitches. 

“It is,” Alex agrees. “But hey, you ever want a new mom? Mine likes to take in strays. And she’d probably set you up with some cute lab assistant.”

Chapter Text

When Astra wakes for a while, Alex almost lets herself feel hopeful until Astra asks if she also has a twin. 

“No, that would be the double vision,” Alex offers a smile and Astra lets out a soft “ah” of understanding. 

“Your mother thinks I’m dying,” she says then. “My powers may be fading, but my hearing is still quite good.”

“She’s going to find a cure. We are going to find a cure,” Alex insists. 

“Alexandra,” Astra sits up, Alex quickly sitting beside her, hands out to steady her. “I have cheated death at least twice. What is it humans like to say? ‘Third time’s the charm’?”

“You’re not dying,” Alex shakes her head. “This virus was created by Kryptonians, it wouldn’t even have touched you if Cadmus hadn’t messed with it, and they don’t know Kryptonians like me and my mom do, okay? We’ll fix it.” 

She hates that her voice sounds wobbly, hates that her eyes feel wet because they are going to fix this - she hates that her breath catches in her throat when Astra’s hand comes up to cup her jaw. 

“It’s a shame,” she says, thumb brushing just below Alex’s lip. “I would have liked for you to get the girl , as your friend said.”

With that, Astra smiles at her and lays back down, leaving Alex to deal with that revelation while she falls asleep.

…

“This is not what I expected the afterlife to look like,” Astra says when she wakes up again, eyes flitting between Alex, Kara, Eliza and Winn. They all laugh, and Eliza places a hand on Astra’s shoulder.

“We were able to reverse engineer a cure from a living sample of the virus.”

“And when my mother says ‘we’, she means ‘she’.” Alex chimes in. “But Winn and I watched enthusiastically.”

“Actually, Alex mostly paced hard enough to make a groove in the floor-ow!” Winn rubs his shoulder and Alex gives him a sickly-sweet smile. Soon J’onn joins them, and Alex takes the chance to slip away from the group and move around to the side of Astra’s bed.

“I guess we should talk?” She asks and Astra nods, sitting up. 

“Yes. I want to hear all about how you all stopped Cadmus.”

“No, no, I mean… what you said. While you were sick,” Alex clarifies, and for a moment she thinks Astra is going to ask what she means - but she simply glances over her shoulder at the others, then back to Alex.

“We will,” she says. “Later.”

And for perhaps the first time in recent history, ‘later’ actually comes. And Alex isn’t sure what is more surprising; the fact that Astra, who has previously only ever entered Alex’s apartment through an open window, actually knocks on the door, or that she is carrying pizza from what Alex had told her was the best pizza place in the city in one hand, and in the other the exact brand of beer Alex had been drinking on Thanksgiving.

“I thought you might be hungry,” she says as Alex leads her inside. “You spent all day in the lab.”

“I am. Thank you.” Alex opens the box to peek inside, laughs when she sees that two slices are missing. “So did you, I guess. You know, I’ve literally never seen you with money.”

“J’onn convinced his superiors that I should be given a salary after the incident with the stolen weaponry,” she explains. They move over to Alex’s couch, both taking an end each.

“Astra-”

“Alexandra-”

They both speak at the same time and pause, Astra then gesturing for Alex to continue.

“I guess you heard what, uh - what Maggie said,” Alex busies herself with opening one of the bottles, immediately bringing it up to her lips.

“I did.”

“And you’re… okay with that.”

Astra huffs out a laugh at that. She turns in her seat to face Alex fully. “Alexandra,” she begins, then corrects herself. “ Alex . Is this why you have been so anxious lately?”

“It’s…” Alex sighs, finds herself picking at the label on her bottle. “That, yes. But more than that. I… Krypton was more advanced, so this probably sounds stupid. But on Earth, being attracted to someone of the same sex? It’s treated as a big deal. And it’s something I’ve ignored about myself my whole life.” When there is no label left, she puts the bottle on the coffee table and starts picking at the ends of her sleeves. “So suddenly dealing with that, and realising who I might be attracted to? It was a lot.”

“It doesn’t sound stupid,” Astra says after a moment and Alex can’t hold in her look of surprise, considering Astra has a habit of criticising most things on Earth that aren’t related to food. “Kryptonians don’t put as much importance on gender as the people of this planet, but… attraction as a whole was a different matter.” She stops to take a breath, to gather her thoughts. “That is perhaps why I did not realise.”

“Realise what?”

“Why you suddenly started acting so strangely around me,” Astra smiles when Alex ducks her head, reaches out to lift her chin. “Why I felt so disappointed when you would run away from me. Why seeing you in formal wear, why sparring with you would make me feel so… warm.”

“You’re blushing, General,” Alex murmurs. Knows that she probably is, too. Astra’s hand moves to cup her jaw, just like it had earlier that day, and Alex leans into it. “I guess what you’re saying is, you like me.”

At that, Astra rolls her eyes. “Why must humans simplify everything into such a small word?” She asks, briefly annoyed.

So Alex kisses her. 

It only lasts a second, maybe two, and Astra sighs against her lips when she pulls away, tugs Alex back in to press their foreheads together. “I have wondered what that would be like.”

“Yeah?”

Astra hums. “Kara grew tired with me asking her about you. Said ‘if you like her that much, why don’t you just go make out with her’. Then she had to explain what that meant.”

“You ask about me?” Alex grins. She’ll talk to Kara about her matchmaking attempts later.

“You’re a fascinating person, Alex,” Astra doesn’t shy away from the question, and Alex kisses her again for it.

“You can call me Alexandra.”