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Sometimes one does very questionable things for friends. In Changkyun’s case, most of the things he does for his friends could probably fit in that category. It’s not like he regrets spending the night cramming for an exam he doesn’t have to study for with Hoseok, and ingesting a very toxic combination of soft drinks and coffee the older man was going to adamantly deny he consumed the next day; or that he regrets covering for Minhyuk’s shift at the convenience store he works at, so he can go on a date with that beautiful literature major with the blinding smile and soft eyes, even if he had never handled a cash register before, or let alone even worked at said convenience store or any other for that matter.
Yes, Changkyun does things that most people wouldn’t even dare, but he thinks it’s more of a testament to his character than a call for trouble. He just likes helping in places where most won’t, and likes the stories he gets out of those experiences. The odder, the better.
When it came to Lee Jooheon however, Changkyun was sure if the red-haired man asked him to kill, he would only ask how many. They had a very strong bond, strengthened by long nights of talking about their hobbies and dreams. It always felt right, being with Jooheon, and the man never asked for anything without giving back.
It was dumb, how much Changkyun swam in the old river of denial when he first met Jooheon: it all started with a notebook and a very boring, very tedious class on their first semester of college. The logic of two Engineering students taking an Art History classe when they had yet to be introduced to their major went over Changkyun’s head, but when a cute, smiley, dirty blond haired man had asked if it was ok to sit besides him, he felt the boredom might be worth it. At first, neither of them spoke, just sat there in silence, wishing for the old professor to actually give them some interesting facts about early Chinese pottery instead of just describing the pieces like a Wikipedia page, but then Jooheon had brought his massive laptop to class and started working on a very old version of the Audacity Software with his earphones concealed under his hoodie. That was the start of everything, and he should have noticed that even back then, the pull he felt toward Jooheon was not quite platonic.
What was fun about their relationship was the fact that neither of them shied away from physical contact, even at first. Jooheon was a touchy person by nature, and Changkyun liked hugs enough to indulge his friend, even in public. Over time however, Changkyun noticed that the hugs had gotten longer, the lingering touches in their rooms had gotten heavier and his smiles had gotten warmer. He might have never had a friend quite as close as Jooheon had become to him, but the realization that not even the closest of friends slept in the same bed cuddling the night away had struck him hard; yet, when it came to feeling bothered by the fact, Changkyun just felt content. Liking Jooheon was enough, because in some way or another, Jooheon liked him back, and they didn’t need labels to define their relationship. Oh how foolish teenagers are, with their adamant rejection of labels, Changkyun ponders now.
Months went by, deep conversations gotten over with, and their bond strengthened to the point that Changkyun was sure he couldn’t imagine his future without Jooheon in it. Before then, talking about other kinds of feelings, talking about another way to live their relationship, was already frightening, And now, talking about it has become impossible, even if feelings don’t go away, even if eyes linger over soft lips and intertwined hands. Changkyun doesn’t want to take that leap of faith, not when having Jooheon there is good enough. Even if the love is implicit, Changkyun feels content with what he already has. Because Changkyun was sure that loving anybody as much as he loved Jooheon was going to be an impossible task, and he was fine with not loving anyone else for the rest of his life. Even if their relationship wasn’t quite romantic, he was fine.
So when Jooheon asked him, at first, to go to the new bakery down the street from the engineering building on campus, he didn’t think much of it, and actually thought of that particular favor as odd for its simplicity. But Changkyun is and always will be a sucker for his best friend and unofficial soulmate Lee Jooheon, so he agreed to join in without question.
The afternoon was quiet, or as quiet as a March afternoon can be, with the first hues of colorful spring popping out of the ground, and the unmatched blue skies expanding for miles on end. It’s still quite chilly, but not so much that people need to hide inside so as to avoid freezing out on the streets. Changkyun loves that kind of mid season weather. He knows for a fact that Jooheon likes it too, but right now his body language reads uncomfortable, almost hesitant. Changkyun knows his friend, he knows him better than he knows himself, and he knows something is amiss in how Jooheon is behaving, even if the man himself hasn’t said anything. Maybe that’s what’s odd about this whole thing, he ponders, that Jooheon hasn’t said anything.
So he has to ask.
“Hey… Heonnie…” he starts, his voice still a bit hoarse from a very annoying cold he got the last week of February, and that still clung to his throat for dear life, “what’s so special about this place?”
Jooheon flinches slightly, his lips pursing into a pout. A pout that Changkyun wants to bite at.
“Eh, well… their cream muffins are very tasty,” he mumbles. When he pouts, his lower cheeks puff up, and that look could easily rival his wide, full on dimpled smile on the race to make Changkyun’s heart skip a beat (or two, or five). He doesn’t fail to notice the pink tips of his ears and has to actively suppress the urge to frown.
“Aha, of course. Cream muffins is what the kids are calling it nowadays.”
Jooheon’s cheeks have the decency to bloom into a full blush.
“Okay, okay! The man at the register is very cute. And kind, and… ” he trails off, before looking over at Changkyun. “I don’t know, I wanted to go with you. I know you like baked goods too.”
Changkyun’s brow lifts slightly. He appreciates that Jooheon thought of him enough to take him to a shop he clearly likes, and yet he can’t help but nurse that unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach.
“You wanted to bring me with you to see your new crush? Dude, talk about awkward.”
Jooheon’s pout gets puffier, and Changkyun can actually feel the guilt slowly pooling in his belly, alongside that cold, uncomfortable feeling from earlier.
“I’m asking you to come because I want us to eat good pastries for once. And to bask in that guy’s presence, because he is that beautiful. You will be thanking me, you’ll see,” he warns, an unusual smug grin breaking on his face.
Changkyun wants to retort, he wants to say something that could keep the banter going, but he can see the bakery already, all light creams and pastel yellows and soft greens. It looks like a place Jooheon would have still enjoyed despite a lack of cute cashiers, and Changkyun has to agree, as they get closer, that the smell already has him sold on whatever they have to offer inside.
Jooheon goes in first, dimples in effect and eyes in crescents, and Changkyun scans the place for the cashier. There’s a guy on the side, with black hair and a delicate looking neck that Changkyun suddenly wants to bite (but won’t). The man - who clearly looks like a model, with his sharp jawline and thin frame - greets them, and Jooheon only gives him a polite reply before crouching in front of the display. So that guy must not be the cute cashier, judging from the lack of silent freaking out on Jooheon’s part.
“Look, those are the muffins I told you about,” he points at a vanilla cupcake - and for all his enthusiasm, Jooheon clearly doesn’t know jack shit about baked goods - decorated with cute caramel swirls, “it’s sooo good, Kyunnie.”
Changkyun hums in agreement. It does look tasty, but his gaze is caught by a rainbow colored cake with buttercream filling. The portion looks quite small, but it’s the perfect size for a snack, and his belly suddenly rumbles with a hunger he didn’t know he had.
“Hello there, Jooheon-ah! Nice to see you again.” Before Changkyun can look up, Jooheon stumbles to his feet and is greeting the man who just talked to them from behind the display with flushed cheeks and wide eyes. He looks so cute and squishy like that, and if it weren’t for his curiosity winning over his pining ass, he could have looked at that profile forever.
Forcing his eyes away, Changkyun stands up, but somehow wishes he had remained closer to the floor, because his knees buckle underneath him.
Holy shit.
Round cheeks. Tiny rosebud lips.
Holy shit, his jaw.
“Ah! Kihyun-hyung! Yes! I can’t stay away from this place for long…” he hears Jooheon say, all chirpy and high pitched, but he can’t look at his friend anymore, because the man in front of them, Kihyun, has very round, biteable cheeks and chocolate brown hair, and his eyes are sharp, but as his smile grows, they form two tiny little moons and… and…
Goddamnit, the guy also has a lip mole.
“Of course you can’t. Our pastries are the best around,” the man says, puffing out his slim chest in pride, before looking at Changkyun with something that has to be the most charming smile in the whole universe. Changkyun’s words die before they can be conceived in the back of his throat. “And I see you brought a friend…?” Kihyun says, finishing his statement as a question.
“Yeah! Yes! He is my most amazing mate, Changkyun,” Jooheon states, and his arm comes to rest on Changkyun’s shoulders, bringing them closer together. If anything else were to happen, he would combust then and there. He isn’t build to stand both his soulmate and a beautiful man giving him all their attention without possibly suffering at least one stroke and two heart attacks.
“Nice to meet you, Changkyun-ssi! I’m Yoo Kihyun,” the sharp jawline and lip mole greet him, and his smile could start wars inside of Changkyun’s head.
Changkyun nods, and wills himself to be a functional human creature for once, rather than a poor example of what being a dumb awkward excuse for an evolved monkey is supposed to be.
“Nice to meet you too, Kihyun-ssi,” he answers, trying his hardest to smile, but he fears that he might be grimacing instead. Jooheon gives his shoulder a squeeze and, if anything was wrong with his face, the beautiful cashier didn’t point it out.
“What can I offer you both today?” He asks, and Jooheon takes over again, asking for today’s special and Kihyun’s recommendations. Changkyun’s mind is still reeling from the whiplash, so when he is finally asked to choose, he goes for the rainbow cake that first caught his eye. Kihyun’s eyes shine and he gives him a wink.
“Great choice, Changkyun-ssi. It’s fresh and sweet! Now shoo, I’ll bring your orders to your table in a bit”
Jooheon doesn’t wait much, and drags an almost catatonic Changkyun towards a table that’s slightly in the way of the bathroom, but when Changkyun sits down, he realizes the table gives them a good look at the counter and, therefore, at Kihyun and the model-boy.
“He winked!!” Jooheon squeals, almost too loud inside the mostly empty shop. “I’m so jealous! He winked at you, Changkyunnie!!”
The young man groans.
“Holy shit, I thought I was going to die… How did you find this place??” Changkyun asks, but what he really means is: how did you find him?
“Ah, well… he is best friends with Minhyuk and Hyungwon, apparently. The other day I had lunch with them and Hoseok-hyung and Minhyuk-hyung told us their friend was working at this little bakery shop and that we had to go because he actually helped with the cooking and what not… and then I saw him…” he trails off, almost dreamy.
Changkyun agrees silently. He gives the man behind the counter a glance and has to will the blood off his cheeks, because Kihyun is smiling down at a child and her mother that just came in. He glances at Jooheon, his dimpled smile fond and heartwarming. Changkyun feels the depth of his stomach clench uncomfortably, but he can’t blame his best friend for being so charmed by Kihyun…
He is charmed too.
_______
The thing with being friends with Jooheon for so long means that Changkyun knows how to read him like a comic book - lots of pictures, just enough text: flushed ears, deep dimples, eyes squeezed shut by his squishy upper cheeks, and a constant need to be around his crush. Changkyun had seen it once before, when Jooheon couldn’t stop smiling around his roommate, Gunhee. It was hell for Changkyun. Gunhee was kind and friendly, even if he never really clicked with him, so he had a nagging feeling that maybe Jooheon was going to chose his crush over him. Luckily (for him), that never happened, and as quickly as it came, Jooheon’s crush for Gunhee left, but they remained good friends and roommates, until Gunhee transferred to another faculty and out of the engineering campus.
Jooheon’s new roommate, Son Hyunwoo, is also a handsome god among men, that should have made Changkyun feel intimidated again, but the warm giant was anything but intimidating. He was kind, polite, welcoming, and quiet. Also older, and made a mission to keep both Jooheon and Changkyun out of much trouble. Jooheon never thought of him as anything more than a protective older brother.
Rationally speaking, Changkyun knows he and Jooheon have something. It is impossible not to notice how in love they both are with each other, even if neither of them put a label on what they had - and Hyungwon makes it his life’s purpose to point it out every damn time they meet. Changkyun blames how immature and shy they both are at their core. Neither of them are going to take that one step towards full intimacy, not when what they have is good enough. Not satisfying in any way, but good enough.
And yet, Jooheon is a hopeless romantic, which means that he crushes on people. Hard. It is something he has always done. He is also clingy, and very personable even if shy; everyone loves Jooheon, with that smile that ends wars and blinds people because of how warm and soft it is. Changkyun is a goner, and he is happy to be a goner for Lee Jooheon. He would have been happy not to feel anything for anyone else for the rest of his life, if he could see Jooheon smiling by his side.
But then Kihyun happened.
In a way, Kihyun should make him feel like Gunhee did. A distant figure that is closer to Jooheon, a handsome man with a distracting mole on the side of his face and pretty eyes; a man that Jooheon is charmed by, that has him wrapped around his pinky finger and that is both older and slightly mysterious. But Kihyun welcomes him by name and makes a point of treating him as his own person. He is not ‘Jooheon’s quiet and serious best friend’, or ‘Jooheon’s smart but intimidating friend’, no. Kihyun, in the four times they had visited the shop since, has been attentive and welcoming.
It’s hard not to fall for someone like that, especially when you are someone who is not that good at making friends.
So Changkyun feels weird. On one hand, Kihyun would be a great boyfriend - let alone friend - for Jooheon, and he knows it. He is older, kind, and polished. And if Jooheon’s bright and warm smile can end wars, Kihyun’s allure and charm can spark them, making grown men cry.
And by grown men, he means himself.
They compliment each other, and from what he had gathered by furiously interrogating Minhyuk - who can’t escape him because well, roommates,- he now knows Kihyun is a responsible young man who likes taking care of others, who does well in school, loves his family, loves animals and goes to church on Sundays. He is perfect for Jooheon. Too perfect.
However, there’s this little ball of… something, sitting in Changkyun’s other hand. It reminds him of a neck and lip moles. Of small hands and round cheeks. Of a melodic voice that melts so well into his own deeper tone. He is so incredibly smitten, that should Jooheon and Kihyun start dating, he doesn’t know if he would be able to survive that outcome. Pinning after one is a thing, but pinning after two?
That’s just mean.
________
Minhyuk might be a great roommate, and even greater a friend. He is cute in every sense of the word, and even if he is clingy and Changkyun sometimes has to run away from him to get some semblance of privacy - or just get naked, Minhyuk is still a bit miffed about his habit of playing video games wearing his birthday suit in the middle of the night -, but right now? Right now Minhyuk deserves pain. Or being ignored by Hyungwon. Yes, that one is good.
So, apparently, Kihyun is not only friends with Minhyuk, but also with Hyunwoo and Hoseok. And, because Jooheon can’t lie for shit and is so very expressive, everyone caught on to how undeniable his liking for Kihyun is, or at least, how much he likes that store, if his bank balance is anything to get by. So, of course Lee fucking Minhyuk has to do something about it. Just how he did something about Hyunwoo’s and Hoseok’s flirting back in the day, when they had met at a core class that neither of them cared about. Minhyuk is a menace when he knows he can make people date and use that as leverage to get something out of them, even if it’s just recognition for his “hard work”.
And well, that’s why Changkyun is now sitting inside the cafe, both hands under the table, surrounded by his friends, sitting by Jooheon and waiting for Kihyun to come with their order.
If warm and welcoming Kihyun was handsome, angry and annoyed Kihyun was something out of a fucking fantasy. His sharp eyes are glistening with a dangerous glow, and his scowl highlights how pouty his mouth can be. His annoyance is essentially directed at Minhyuk and Hyungwon, because he is pleasant and polite with both Hyunwoo and Hoseok, even if the vein in his very biteable neck says something very, very different.
Yet, when he gets to them, that smile is back. Charming, big and with cheeks rounded. Changkyun notes that, because of course he has to. He likes to watch Kihyun and Jooheon interact, even if it hurts. They are so pretty and perfect together, of course watching them and taking in any signal is important. But he didn’t expect to be greeted with the same enthusiasm.
Minhyuk, because he is a very bad friend and should be ignored right now, cuts everything good and heartwarming short, because that’s what he does, and claims Kihyun should give them the worker’s discount, so they can try everything on the menu. The model-like worker is not in that day, and Kihyun probably curses at Minhyuk because of it. Or maybe just because he is Minhyuk. Changkyun doesn’t know, but he also wants to curse at Minhyuk because when that many people are around, he can’t stare, and he so wants to stare.
Minhyuk makes a point to seat Jooheon on the edge of a booth, so he can “be closer to Kihyunnie, of course!” And Changkyun takes the seat inside the booth that is just right besides Jooheon. Hoseok and Hyunwoo seat just in front of them, so that leaves Minhyuk and Hyungwon in the middle. Changkyun is very afraid Minhyuk will pick up on his crush on Kihyun too, and not just on Jooheon’s blatant infatuation. But he counts on Minhyuk still thinking he is in denial about his love for Jooheon. In a way, he thinks this should be considered mean, given what Minhyuk knows about him, but also very strange, as he seems to have forgotten Changkyun is even a part of this fucked up equation to begin with. And Minhyuk can be many negative things, but he is not forgetful, and he is not a bad friend. So, Changkyun is very confused right now.
Hoseok is the first to pick up on the topic of Jooheon’s crush after a few minutes of mindless chatter between them.
“Well, clearly Kihyunnie has favorites,” he coos, both hands cupping his cheeks, making him look like a soft baby. His biceps also look so biteable and Changkyun has to stop himself before he can reach out and actually bite them. Maybe later, as they go out. Maybe he will also bite Hyunwoo, just to keep it even.
“Of course he does,” replies Minhyuk, snickering, “how do you feel, Jooheonnie?”
Jooheon blushes and Changkyun represses his urge to crush him in a hug. Jooheon is so precious.
“I mean… this is great and all but… guys, it’s also very weird…” he murmurs, trying to get a good look of the counter, but they are just around the corner, and the counter isn’t really visible from where they seat. Changkyun is slightly disappointed, but mostly relieved. If he can’t stare, he doesn’t have to worry about people noticing. And by people, he means Minhyuk.
He tunes out the conversation, because it’s mostly Minhyuk and Hoseok going on about how precious Jooheon is, and bad mouthing Kihyun’s habits. And then, Jooheon takes his hand and reclines his body against the booth, saying something about Minhyuk being biased because he clearly is a slob.
Changkyun gives their hands a quick glance and freezes. It’s not weird for them to hold hands once in a blue moon, but why now? He quickly looks up, and tries not to look at Jooheon to find an answer, because he feels Hyungwon’s lazy eyes on him, and knows the man for all the disinterest he shows, is actually good at observing other people. So, he waits, for Jooheon to let go of his hand - because he isn’t going to deny himself such a treat, what’s wrong with you? You mean person - but that never happens. Eventually the topic of Kihyun changes to school, work and Jooheon’s mixtape, but Changkyun knows this is just the beginning.
And he isn’t wrong.
When Kihyun goes round the counter, tray full of food, he almost feels bad for the petite man having to carry all that around by himself, but then he notices it is not much effort at all for him. He gives Minhyuk a pointed look, and says:
“If you are going to talk shit about me, you should lower your volume, dickhead,” Kihyun sneers, putting the cups on the table, delicate and making sure nothing spills. From that angle, Changkyun has a great view of his side profile. He subtly glances and Jooheon, and the man squeezes his hand. Huh, weird.
“But where’s the fun in that? Besides, you are kind of a freak.”
“Be careful Minhyukkie, I can end you and you know it. Not even your stick-bug-of-a-boyfriend can save you from my wrath,” he says, and glares at him one more time for good measure, before he serves both Hyunwoo and Hoseok their teas, and then he looks at them, and, goddamnit, he smirks, “besides, I wouldn’t want to kill you in front of them, poor souls”
Changkyun almost loses it, but Jooheon’s hand hardens his grip, and he gets the message. We are fucked. That’s the message.
Minhyuk on the other side, pouts.
“You are so mean, Kihyunnie. You know you love me anyways.”
Kihyun snorts lightly.
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Minhyuk-ssi” he replies, the tease in his tone apparent. He gives both Changkyun and Jooheon one last look and excuses himself back into the counter. Changkyun is just a tad bit disappointed.
Hyunwoo is the next to talk, his brows soft and lips smiling.
“He seems cool. What is he majoring in?”
“Journalism and Photography as a minor I think,” replies Minhyuk taking a sip of his coffee, “he is really good at what he does…”
Changkyun tunes out the rest of the conversation for a bit, focusing on drinking his own coffee, and all the way through that afternoon, Jooheon kept holding his hand.
______
“Are you okay with Jooheon liking Kihyunnie?” Asks Minhyuk that same night, just after the shower.
Changkyun contemplates the question for a bit. Minhyuk usually doesn’t asks that kind of question because he respects his privacy and has respected Changkyun’s infertile crush on Jooheon for as long as he has had it. Minhyuk is not asking to be noisy, and he knows it.
Minhyuk is worried.
The man is sitting on his bed, both legs snug against his chest and his chin is resting on his knees. He tends to make himself look smaller when he is nervous, or self conscious, so Changkyun knows the man is uncomfortable himself with the question he just asked. That’s also the reason why such a question is so difficult to answer; Is he really ok with Jooheon liking Kihyun?
He has given the topic quite some time, and mental capacity and is still very on the fence about it. The problem is that Minhyuk is trying to protect his heart from being broken as Jooheon might be taken away, but Minhyuk lacks one side of the dilemma, and Changkyun doesn’t know if he wants him to know that small sensible part. But looking at him, small, biting his lower lip softly and hands playing with the skin over his feet, Changkyun feels warmth filling his chest, dulling the ache of his messy love life just a bit.
“It’s not just about Jooheon…” he states, still unsure.
“How come?” Asks in turn Minhyuk.
That’s the leap. That’s the verbalization of a something Changkyun has never truly put into words before.
“I… I might…” he takes a breath in, deep. The air trembles in the way down to his lungs, “there is no easy way to say this. It’s not that I dislike Jooheon liking Kihyun. Anyone else? I can’t stand it. But Kihyun… I don’t mind. I like how Jooheon gets when he is with Kihyun… the short amount of time he is around him at least…”
Minhyuk frowns a bit, and lets his leg fall into the mattress, crossing his legs and letting his hands rest on his feet, clutching onto them.
“But you like Jooheon, right?”
“Yes. I do.”
“Then, why is Kihyun ok? Don’t get me wrong. I love Kihyunnie to death, but roommate loyalty comes first and I won’t hesitate to get him to back off if it’s hurting you,” he adds, and both of his knees come up and down, little butterfly wings, filling the room with a dull rustle of skin against fabric.
Changkyun is so grateful for Minhyuk. He truly is. Minhyuk has always been supportive and caring; even in all his overly energetic ass, he is one of the best friends anyone could have, because the man is going to fight for you, is going to protect you, and is going to eat your food afterwards as a reward. Changkyun doesn’t know what he is going to do without Minhyuk some day.
“I don’t mind because I… I also think Kihyun is pretty damn neat.”
And that’s the truth. It’s not a “like” or “love” akin to what he feels for Jooheon. It’s more a recent attraction fueled by just how kind Kihyun is, and how small his hands are, and how noticeable his moles are against his slightly golden skin, and… yeah. He has it pretty bad. It’s weird to say it out loud, specially when… when this kind of thing is just so uncommon? It feels like a dirty secret, and forbidden thing.
And he trusts Minhyuk not to be judgmental, but the fear lingers. It’s like coming out of the closet all over again and, truthfully? Changkyun is not ready to go down that rabbit hole once again.
And then he notices Minhyuk:
Minhyuk’s legs stop their movement and the look on his face is pretty funny. Is like a record which has halted to an abrupt stop, and your ears still hear the phantom sounds of a song death before its prime.
“You…” suddenly, a smile starts to break his face, and Changkyun is sure the man is going to start buzzing like a bee, with so much energy that their building might not survive the debacle, “Oh. My. GOD. You LIKE Kihyun!!” He accuses, pointing a finger at Changkyun, before catching himself again, “wait, so you like both? Like just in a ‘I think I can accept Kihyun because he suits Jooheon and I can let them be a thing’ or in a ‘I like Kihyun and Jooheon and I want my two hands to be held, thank you very much!’ Which one Kkukkung?? Oh God this is just…!”
Changkyun snickers nervously, and feels the dread slowly draining from his body. Trust Minhyuk to make him feel like the protagonist of a shitty rom-com and not like the main protagonist in a tragic drama.
“I think the accurate description can be ‘I like Jooheon a lot but I think Kihyun would make the whole thing even better because he is cool, but that’s never going to happen because they like each other’, is that description enough?”
Minhyuk jumps from his bed and settles besides Changkyun, his head easily finding a place on his shoulder and snuggling close.
“Nah, I would cut the second part. It’s like the unnecessary index in a 20 page paper. You still need to read the whole shit through to make sense of it, even if it kills you,” he chirps, and taps his index finger on his left leg for a bit, before continuing: “I don’t wanna say anything that might blow this whole thing up, but I think this is a good time to say something to Jooheon, Kkukkung. I know… I know it’s scary. But… but he loves you, Boo.”
Changkyun feels his chest constrict inside his ribcage. He knows what Minhyuk says it’s true.
But it doesn’t make it any less terrifying.
__________
The thing with being a college student is that even in the case of liking someone or wanting to have a prolific and healthy social life, the whole system sucks you in and makes your life exponentially miserable. And even if it’s the case that one of your best friends and alleged soulmate studies basically the same thing you do and are usually on the same building together, that doesn’t assure you can maintain sustained contact when exams are just around the corner.
So, Changkyun is having Jooheon withdrawals, sue him. He feels a bit lonely, and a bit gloom. What makes it worse is that they are in different group projects, so they can’t spend time together working for the classes they share. It sucks, but it is only temporary.
But studying gets lonely, and answering exam after exam without an end in sight is just plain ruthless on his mental health. He needs to get out, get fresh air and force himself to enjoy the beauty of the zombies that roam around the streets at that time of year. He texts Jooheon and asks him to meet at Kihyun’s cafe - their new and refurbished base for the small windows in their schedule, with a side of gorgeous man to sweeten the deal.
The path down the cafe is unusually crowded, given the amount of students going around to get a coffee fix before resuming their studies, and Changkyun almost feels sorry for himself, because he must look as destroyed as those poor students. But the idea of seeing Kihyun and Jooheon - even if the later has yet to answer his text - brings a bit life back to his sorry excuse for an existence.
The coffee shop is, as any other place with free Wifi, understandably crowded. The handsome boy - who he has learnt by now is named Hong Jisoo, but likes to be called Joshua and is both good friends with Kihyun and Minhyuk - is by the register and there is another pretty girl on shift today. And Kihyun is waiting tables, a professional smile on his face and gentle demeanor dampened by, he guesses, the pressure of exams too.
Jisoo and the girl, whose name tag reads Yerin, greet him and take his order. There is a quiet corner table free and he is quick to grab it, even if it has a bad view of the counter, but Kihyun is not working at that post today, so he thinks he might be able to stand it. He sits down and waits, taking out his phone to see if Jooheon has replied to his message, but the only messages he has are from Hoseok and Hyungwon. Hoseok sends daily memes when he is stressed, because he has the need to laugh and make people laugh when the miserable reality of college hits them all. Hyungwon on the other hand is asking if he has some materials from a class he took last semester.
He is quick to reply, and almost gets too concentrated on answering Hyungwon’s questions right then and there, when someone sits in front of him and, with a start, he realizes that someone is Kihyun. He is taking his order out of the tray he has placed on the table, and another cup and sandwich that he hasn’t ordered.
“Hi Changkyun-ah! Do you mind if I sit here?” He asks, but his cheeky smile tells Changkyun he knows the answer to the inquiry, and it does something to his stomach. Something close to an atomic bomb, but you get the drill.
“Ah, sure, Kihyun-ssi… lunch break?” He asks, his tone low and he wishes to take the lump inside his throat out, but it might end up being off putting for the man in front of him.
“Yes, Yeri-ah and Jisoo-ah can take it for a bit. Most of these guys are going to stay for longer than regular costumers, so we can take it easy for now. And please, call me hyung. It’s weird to have friends in common and still being addressed so formally!”
Changkyun wills the blush away from his face, at least to the best of his abilities, and nods. Kihyun settles on his chair and takes a bite from his sandwich. His cheeks bunch up while he chews, and Changkyun remembers his first urge to bite at his neck, but now his cheeks look biteable and soft. His hand grabs a fistful of his pants and starts regretting his life choices.
Kihyun hums, and looks up back at him.
“Are you ok?” He asks, and his tone is soft, almost like a loud whisper. His voice sounds slightly lower than usual, and it does things to Changkyun’s psyche.
“Eh… I guess?” He answers, and waits an awkward moment before taking his cup to hide his mouth behind it. Why, why has he to be this awkward??
“Exams can be a bitch,” Kihyun states, while taking a napkin and tapping the side of his mouth with it, “I haven’t seen you or Jooheon-ah in a while. I might have been worried you guys got kidnapped by a crazed Minhyuk or something,” he adds, snickering to himself.
Changkyun smiles softly.
“He tries, but I’m good at sneaking away,” he confesses, “sorry for not coming often…”
“It’s alright. It got a bit lonely, but I survived,” Kihyun says, and the way his smirk gets highlighted by rosy cheeks is all Changkyun needs to combust internally. Is he… is he flirting with him? Is he truly flirting with him?
Changkyun swallows hard, but gets distracted by his phone notifications, telling him that Jooheon is on the way. To say he wants to die would be an understatement. He wants to be erased from existence, most likely. He takes a bite from his cake and tries to keep his face in check, because Kihyun is sitting right in front of him and can’t have a mental breakdown in front of the man.
But of course the man, in all his gorgeousness looks up at him. A grim smile paints his features and something in Changkyun shifts.
“Hey… this might be weird but… Am I reading this the wrong way?” He asks, and almost sounds shy. With that tone, the circle under his eyes and hollowness of his lower cheeks become a tad more apparent, or maybe it’s just the gloom hue that has surrounded the man. Changkyun bites his lower lip, and feels the rush of anticipation running through his veins.
“No!” He is fast to reply, and Kihyun perks up a bit, “you are not. I’m sorry. I just… this… I mean… Jooheon-ah…” he tries, he really tries to make sense of his words, but… it’s like there is a knot and that knot is his tongue. But his mind is clear. His mind knows there is a man that’s openly flirting with him, and it’s getting ridiculous how much he likes him, and how much he likes Jooheon and how much he wants to have them. Changkyun has always find pride in that he isn’t particularly possessive, he like his space and likes to provide space for his significant others, but the thing is that he knows he wants so much right now.
Kihyun looks at him, and smiles, his hand goes out to pat Changkyun on the head, even if that means that he has to get up from his sit and lean across the table.
“It’s fine. I know you and Jooheon are… a thing? I mean, I have heard enough from Minhyuk you know? And… yeah. I get it. But… is it bad to want… too?” He asks, and his voice is so soft, like a fluffy blanket. Changkyun wants to drown in the feel of that small hand on his head, but he misses a broad shoulder to lean on. Hell, he has it so bad.
Jooheon gets inside the coffee shop at that exact moment, and walks straight up to them with a slight frown on his face. He looks also very worn down by the reality of midterms, but that is fine by Changkyun, who still thinks that Jooheon is the most handsome man he has ever laid eyes onto. Well, him and Kihyun.
Ah, goddamnit, stop.
Jooheon looks around for a spare chair, but before he can grab one, Kihyun gets up and helps him to the chair he was using by grabbing his hand and guiding him to sit down. Jooheon, who looked a tad miffed before, now looks slightly embarrassed and confused.
“Hey, Jooheon-ah…” Kihyun greets, and his smile is bright yet small, but full of feeling, just like the first smile that Changkyun had seen and had solidified the crush inside his head, “Wait for a bit, I’ll check if there are any other chairs available.”
With a quick turn of his heel, he walks to a table a bit removed from their own table, but Changkyun thinks it isn’t to get a chair, truly.
Jooheon collapses into the chair, and slumps slightly. He has a soft pout on his mouth, and looks confused still.
“Are you guys dating?” He asks, and his tone is low key accusatory. Changkyun frowns.
“What? No.” He replies, tone more final than intended, before softening up, “but we were talking…”
Jooheon’s frown deepens a bit, and his pout grows bigger. Changkyun wants to kiss that pout away, but he can’t.
He can’t and is getting fed up by that certain fact.
“I just… I know we haven’t seen each other since… was it last Monday? Anyways… I thought you would have… you know, told me?”
Changkyun sighs.
“There is nothing… well. No. Yes, there is something to tell.”
“No? Yes? Make up your mind!” Jooheon snorts, and Changkyun smiles back for a bit, before steeling himself.
“I have to tell you something, so don’t jump into conclusions. Listen carefully,” he states, and looks at Kihyun who is stalling by the bathrooms, looking uncomfortable. But when he looks up, he smiles and gives him a slight nod with his head. He is encouraging him. Taking a deep breath, he goes on: “we have danced around this subject long enough, Jooheon-ah… I like you. I really, really like you…”
Jooheon takes a sharp intake of air, and his ears are getting progressively more tinted. He opens his mouth to say something, but Changkyun is faster to get a hand up and halt his initiative to talk. He has more to say, after all.
“I have liked you for so long but… I was also… fine? With what we have. Sure, I want to kiss your pout away and bite your cheeks, but I was fine with hugs and platonic hand holding. But then… Well. Then you brought me here…” he trails off, and Jooheon nods, understanding. They both have fan girled over Kihyun multiple times together. He knows.
“… I see…” states Jooheon, still red, still very much confused, “is that… why you were so awkward with Gunhee-ah?” He asks, careful, and Changkyun cringes.
“Yeah. I don’t know. Gunhee felt like… he was taking you away?” He provides, and Jooheon nods again, a smirk painting his face.
“You are so dumb, Kkukkung.”
“Excuse me? And you aren’t?”
“I wasn’t the one jealous of one of your crushes!”
“And you still haven’t replied to what I just told you, so my point stands”
Jooheon freezes, and bites his lower lip softly. His eyes find Kihyun from a slip second, and Changkyun can see a sheer blanket of doubt crossing his eyes. Dread pools in his stomach.
After a minute, Jooheon nods.
“You are right. I’m sorry. I… I like you too. Like, I really, truly and fully would want you to kiss my pout away…” he says, and adds a full pout with blossoming cheeks to boot. Changkyun wants to squeal.
They both sit in silence for a bit, before Changkyun realizes Kihyun’s lunch hour is ticking by and the man has yet to finish his lunch. With a quick glance, he makes a hand gesture to signal the man he can come back, and when he hesitates, Changkyun just smiles bigger than he has ever smiled and Kihyun has the decency to blush lightly.
When he looks back, Jooheon is watching him with a smirk.
“Anything else you want to add, Kkukkung?”
Before he can flip him off, Kihyun brings a chair and sits down besides them, and goes to grab his coffee and sandwich.
“That was one tense stare off you guys had. Everything good?” He asks, weary. Jooheon in turn, nods.
“Everything peachy, hyung.”
Changkyun snorts, and looks at Kihyun for a second, and then at Jooheon.
“Before you arrived, Kihyun-hyung was telling me something interesting… Mind sharing?” He asks, suddenly emboldened by Jooheon’s confession. The man in front of him goes to grab his hand over the table.
And when Kihyun’s stare gets caught up in that gesture a second too long, Jooheon squeezes his hand slightly.
“I was telling Changkyun-ah that I’m, in fact, flirting with both of you guys, but of course he was so caught up in his own tongue that the only thing that he did was babble,” is his reply, and Changkyun can feel how his cheeks heat up and the lump on his throat comes back, for many different reasons. Mainly, the way Kihyun’s eyes flicker in amusement when Jooheon lowers his eyes, also very much red faced, “so, did you guys sort your… thing out?”
Jooheon nods softly, and looks at Kihyun.
“Are… you ok with this? Isn’t it… too… I don’t know? Weird?” He asks, careful. Kihyun just sighs. Changkyun feels the hand over his tense up, and he feels the urge to sooth the strain away, but another part of himself wants to reach out to Kihyun openly.
He does, putting his free hand on Kihyun’s knee, and the smile gifts him a surprised smile, before looking back at Jooheon.
“Of course this isn’t all that common, but… it isn’t weird.” That was such a confident statement, Changkyun felt his skin tingle. Kihyun looked so sure, so open. He truly didn’t know the man all that much, but those displays made him want to get deeper into everything that makes Kihyun himself. Looking up at Jooheon, he sees how enamored the other man is with the waiter and, somewhere inside his gut, he knows everything is going to be ok.
“So… what? Now what?” Jooheon finally asks, looking over at both of them.
Kihyun rolls his eyes, before smiling.
“Well, now we maybe can meet up in a meeting that isn’t my work place and actually get to know each other? I mean, I want to know about both of you, as individuals and as a pair, but let’s be honest: you are starting the process of sorting a whole lot of miscommunication out just now, and that is going to take a lot of time.”
Changkyun nods, the sudden eagerness of happiness leaving his body. Yet, a light still flickers inside his chest.
Hope.
Giving them one hard look, Kihyun sighs and takes his notepad and pen, the ones he uses to take orders from older folk that aren’t used to go to the counters and order, Changkyun supposes, and writes down something.
“Here, this is my number. I’m free on Saturdays and Sundays. I work and study the rest of the week and I’m on the other side of campus most of the time, so it might be hard to meet for lunch breaks at the such. But… when you feel confident enough, message me.”
Jooheon takes the paper and reads it attentively, while Kihyun gulps down his coffee in one large sip, before taking his dirty plates and standing up. The red head looks up, almost scared and Kihyun laughs.
“I have to work, Jooheon-ah”
“Oh… yeah… that’s… yeah…” the man pouts, his dimples showing. Changkyun coos loudly, before he can catch himself and when he does, both of them are so very red and Kihyun is laughing with that same tingling sound that his happy tone has.
With a smirk, the man lowers his head and gives Jooheon a kiss on the top of his head, and, after a split second, goes to do the same on Changkyun’s head. He saunters away with a smirk.
Both students look at each other, their faces red, and smiles big a bright, before letting their faces be hidden behind their hands and arms and giggling like teenagers all over again.
Kihyun is going to be the death of them, but maybe that’s a war worth fighting.