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"I hope you know how much this means to the both of us Kevin."
Kevin's hand felt too warm in Charles' own. The slight tightening of his grip and crease of his brow gave away his anxiety but both men pretend not to notice the tension.
"Of course! Anything for you, Charles." For you Charles, not Donovan, not the child he didn't sign up for. The kid that makes his stomach turn and his heart beat too fast in the way that's wrong. Not the sweet lovesick way Charles makes him feel. With Charles he has the sweet rush of excitement. With Donovan there's the rush of dread.
Charles places sweet lips against the rough scared patch of skin on Kevin's cheek in thanks. He squeezes Kevin's hand before letting go to fish for his keys in the ocean of his pockets. Kevin didn't know what to do with his hands now that they weren't occupied. At least the anxiety of not knowing what to do with his hands was easier than the anxiety of Donovan. At least, that's what he told himself. Not that it was still an awful and valid feeling that comes from the overstimulation of his current situation. These two anxieties were more linked than he cared to think about.
The door opens and the small mass of clothes and flesh wraps its arms around Charles in an ambush of primal excitement.
Charles smiles and Kevin wants desperately for the sweet light of Charles' smile to spread to him. Instead the exchange between Charles and his son only makes the pit in his stomach grow and spread its awful darkness.
"Donovan, this is Kevin."
Donovan waves.
"Hello," Kevin says with the same tone of voice that a child uses when forced to apologize for something small and stupid.
Charles looks at Kevin with a rather complicated expression. Some hope, some hurt. That, and love that is still managing to exist. He shifts his head and uses it to indicate Kevin should try again with Donovan. Kevin puts more effort into his smile and kneels down in front of Donovan.
"Charles has told me a lot about y-" Kevin is cut short by small hands reaching and landing on Kevin's smile. Pads of small fingers landing on teeth and scars.
Kevin freezes, he doesn't know how to deal with this gremlin invading his space. There's too many too many conflicting impulses. He desperately wants to grab the child's hands and feel the small bones crack. He wants to run away and never deal with this again. He wants to simply seize on the ground like a dying roach.
Luckily Charles understands his son and Kevin enough to pull Donovan away into his arms. He presses a kiss to Donovan's head and sends a warning glance to Kevin. "I-"
"I'll be right back."
This statement typically means someone is temporarily leaving for the restroom, not someone very very quickly leaving his boyfriend's home.
Shit.
Kevin finds himself sitting in the sand, hands covering his face and knees tucked into his chest.
Smile smile smile. Please smile stop crying you can't just not smile. Oh Smiling God Kevin.
Don't think about that kid who's so overbearing and the underscore of every conversation with Charles.
He's waited so long to meet someone as beautiful and loving as Charles. Waited for so long for the man drawn into his reality by the stars. The sweet all consuming love that Cecil and Carlos have. No child.
No child who can destroy all of this sugary sweetness.
No child who he can destroy entirely.
Why didn't he deserve for this to be perfect?
Wh-
A hand rests on Kevin's shoulder and instinct shoots through his panic instructing him to hold onto this arm and roll using his weight to flip this attacker onto their back. He then successfully pins this person to the ground, face stretching back into a large large smile.
Oh.
"Charles!"
He adjusts himself to where he's sitting upright and letting his weight rest on Charles' hips.
"Kevin, you don't need to do this "
Oh he was still mad at him.
His small glimmer of hope and surprise of seeing his boyfriend depletes and the anxiety flares through him.
Charles, more seret and more patient than he needed to be, raised a hand to Kevin's face and wiped a thumb across Kevin's wet cheek.
Kevin pretends that The Smiling God evaporated his tears in their brilliant light. "Don't need to do what Charles? That's not very specific dear."
"Force yourself to hurt Kevin. Look, if you don't want to be around Donovan then you don't need to. Just please Kevin, please just tell me."
No you don't understand Charles. He does have to he does otherwise he loses all this perfection. "No no no, Charles I'm fine! The chil- don't- he's fine. I just-!"
"Kevin.”
"I just need time."
"Away from us?"
"No! No please I-”
Shit shit, Kevin forces his smile harder. Pretending that one moment of vulnerability didn't slip through. That weakness that hurt that would get him in so much trouble with his advisors and- oh no wait.
Kevin adjusts himself and lays his head on Charles' chest, breathing in the comforting scent of his boyfriend as best as he can. No Strex. No Strex. "I love you Charles."
"I love you too Kevin. Do you need to go home for the night?"
"No, no. I'll try again, I-"
"You can try tomorrow, it's alright. No rush."
"... Okay." No deadlines. No Strex. "I'll see you both tomorrow. Um... Tell Donovan I said goodnight."
Charles smiles. "Of course, thank you."
"Yeah."