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You are you are, my favorite medicine
You are you are, you're where the edge began
You are you are, just one last time again
You are you are, you are the trouble I'm in
-Trouble I’m In by Twinbed
Beth expected her phone to ring at some point that night. After the drops, she usually shot Rio a quick text or called him to let him know that it was done, along with telling him when his cut was ready. The dealership was washing cash now, and Beth was happy to be back in business. It helped alleviate a lot of her stress, and the growing strain she could see with Annie and Ruby.
So when the phone rang, Beth stared at the screen for a long moment, debating if she should pick up or not. He’d keep calling if she didn’t, or pop up at the next PTA meeting, embarrassing her. After tonight’s drop, she had Annie text Demon to tell Rio that they’d finished and that Beth had the cut from the dealership ready. It was roundabout, out of the norm, and sure to raise red flags. She contemplated how stupid she was, thinking she could pull one over on him, as she picked up.
“I have your cut.” Beth said the moment the line connected, cutting to the chase before he had a chance to speak.
“Cool.”
Beth didn’t answer, letting the silence crackle between them.
“You gonna tell me why your girl texted my boy? You dodgin’ me or somethin’?”
“I was driving.” A lie.
“So you okay with robbin’ a grocery store and dealin’ drugs, but textin’ and drivin’ is too much.”
Beth sighed heavily into the phone. She wasn’t getting into this with him right now. She was tired, she hurt, and she wanted to sleep more than anything.
“What’s goin’ on, ma?” the timber of his voice filtered through the phone and down her spine. Soft and warm, caressing. Beth shook it off. If he was soft with her now, she’d crumble.
“Nothing, just white suburban mom stuff.” Beth knew he didn’t like her cookie cutter life, didn’t like hearing about her - as he put it - ‘whorin’ herself to those soul suckers’ (that one had been so inventive that she couldn’t bring herself to be mad at him).
“Hmm. You realize your voice goes up in pitch when you lyin’?”
Even over the phone he could make her flush, like a kid who’d been caught with their hand in the proverbial cookie jar.
“It’s not your department – isn’t that what you always say?” Beth tossed his words back at him. “It’s just dealership stuff,” she amended, softening her voice. “It’s on my end of things.”
“You handlin’ it?”
“Obviously.” Beth hoped he could hear her rolling her eyes.
“Good.” He murmured.
“Well, I’m going to bed.” Beth was anxious to end the conversation.
“Is that right?” he nearly purred into the phone, causing her pulse to jump as images of him tangled in her sheets flitted across her mind.
“Goodnight, Rio.” Beth responded softly but with finality, ending the call before he could respond. She wasn’t up for phone sex when she was on top of her game, so she certainly wasn’t up for it now.
Beth left her phone on the kitchen island as she headed to her bathroom. She grabbed tweezers, peroxide, bandages, and band aids before returning to the kitchen and pouring herself a large portion of bourbon. Beth took a quick swallow before she laid her tools out on a paper towel.
The drop hadn’t gone to plan. In fact, the dubby incident paled in comparison to this. Rio’s contact had shown up – something that she’d never had to deal with before. Beth was just in charge of dropping the cars where Rio told her and leaving the keys on the front tire. There was no contact involved. The man was thin, dressed in worn clothes, with dirty blonde hair hanging in his face though nothing could obscure the coldness in his eyes. The man had come out of the darkness with barely a sound. She hadn’t even given him her fake disarming smile – the threat pouring off of him was enough to make her step back and something primal and evolutionary told her that she wouldn’t be able to bullshit her way out of this one. A horn honking down the street distracted her for a split second as her hope that it was Annie flared bright, and it was all he needed to strike.
He backhanded her, sending her to her hands and knees into the gravel with a cry, her vision going black for a second. His hands were scrambling for her bag that she had draped across her body. Beth clawed the strap close to herself, feeling the burn of it on her skin as they wrestled with it. He shoved her to the ground with a foot between her shoulder blades, yanking hard again, nearly choking her. Just as the strap snapped, a car roared into view, honking aggressively. The man scrambled away, disappearing just as quickly as he appeared. Annie had burst from the car, cursing like a sailor as Beth hauled herself from the ground, bruised and bleeding, her hand clutching the broken bag to her chest.
“Next time I see gang friend, I’m asking for a gun.” Annie hissed as she helped Beth to the car.
“Annie, relax.” Beth responded as Annie scrambled into the driver’s seat, kicking the car into gear and peeling out onto the deserted street with a squeal of rubber.
“Relax? Relax!? You were just on the ground getting the shit beat out of you and you want me to relax? Beth-“
“I wasn’t getting the shit beat out of me,” Beth corrected, working to control her breathing. “He was trying to mug me.”
Annie reached over, pulling down the visor and flipping up the cover that went over the mirror. The sudden light caused her to wince, though once she took in her appearance she cringed for a different reason all together. Beth saw her busted lip, blood dripping down her chin, mixing with the blood that had apparently poured from her nose. Her cheek was already swollen, and she expected that it would be bruised tomorrow. Beth snapped the visor shut, turning to stare out the window. She couldn’t look anymore.
“I can take you to the hospital-“
“Annie, you can’t. If we tell them that I was mugged, the police will show up. How am I supposed to explain why I was here in the first place? I have four kids,” she added, trying to appease her. “I’m more than capable of patching myself up. It’s superficial injuries, anyway.”
They drove home in silence, Annie fuming and Beth keeping herself as calm as possible when really she was shaken to her core, where a horrible chill had settled. If Annie hadn’t show up…well, she wouldn’t go there. Beth had to force Annie to go home when she dropped her off.
“I promise I’ll call if anything changes.” Beth climbed from the car, leaning down to peek back into the car at her angry sister.
“You better call first thing in the morning.” Annie snapped.
“Fine.”
Beth quickly entered the house, locking the door behind her and watching Annie’s headlights turn and head down the road. Only when the house fell into darkness did Beth slump against the front door, hands braced on her thighs, her breathing unsteady.
We’re not doing this. Not here, and not now. Pick yourself up and deal with the problem. She chanted the words to herself until she could stand without her head spinning.
Beth washed the blood from her skin so she didn’t look quite so gruesome. Her purse strap had rubbed her skin raw in a diagonal pattern from her shoulder down past her collarbone, much like she’d seen seatbelts do to people in accidents. There wasn’t anything she could do about that except wear shirts with higher collars until it was healed.
Now Beth stood at her kitchen sink, pouring peroxide over the heel of her hand where gravel had lodged itself. It burned, but she knew it would be nothing compared to having to dig rocks from her skin. Taking a deep breath, Beth took a seat, picked up the tweezers, and began extracting rocks. She’d have to look at her knees after she finished because they were both throbbing and the cool air she felt indicated that her jeans had torn, so she suspected she’d find some blood if she glanced down.
She’d been concentrating so hard on one particular rock that she couldn’t seem to grab because it was slick with blood, that she registered too late the scratching at the door and the soft snick of the latch giving way. Beth glanced up, her brow still furrowed in concentration. When her gaze met Rio’s, she felt the blood drain from her face, her eyes widening. Beth had intended to clean herself up as much as possible and then study how to apply makeup to hide all the bruises she had before seeing him again.
She didn’t know why she wanted to hide it. Perhaps it was from dealing with things on her own for so long, but there was an underlying feeling of shame. She was ashamed that she’d been taken off guard, that she was weak enough to allow this to happen. That she was such an easy target.
Rio’s eyes flashed darkly, his jaw clenched and the muscle in his temple throbbing as the door swung shut behind him. Beth lowered her gaze to the granite countertop, a cacophony of emotions coursing through her. She wanted him. Beth wanted him to reassure her that everything was okay. But a part of her wished he hadn’t come. She wasn’t ready for the lecture he would give her – that he’d taught her how to use the gun and why didn’t she? When was she going to accept that if she wanted this life, she’d need to get her hands dirty? When was she going to admit that no matter how immoral she saw him, she was his double?
Rio moved quickly to her, so fast in fact, that she’d drawn back, nearly slipping from her stool.
“Look at me.” He voice was gruff, straining for control.
She couldn’t. Didn’t want to see-
His hand was beneath her chin, forcing her face upwards. Beth looked to the side, as far from him as she could.
“Jesus, mami.”
And her hands were on his chest, shoving, pushing, needed to get away. Didn’t want to disappoint him. Knew she did all the time, could see it in his eyes, in his words, in the lines of his body. And that’s what it was, wasn’t it? It always came down to being the star pupil, head of her class, teacher’s pet. She was like that in grade school, and she loathed that she was like that still. She begged for validation like a dog that performed a trick, a puppet on a string-
And a sob broke from her then, the strain and stress bubbling from her in out of control waves. She was more embarrassed at having a meltdown in front of him than the attack. Her fear was a speeding train and she was stranded on the tracks, unsure of what direction led to safety, knowing she was drowning in the unknown.
But his hand was there, in her hair, pulling her face to his chest. Grounding her. As quickly as she’d fallen apart, she was putting herself back together again with his scent filling her head. He was there, a light to the dark that had been closing in on her since Dean’s various lies started to unfold, since she dug herself so far in this hole there was no getting out. Beth would never tell Rio just how much he influenced her life. His confidence in her gave her confidence to face her life. Just last week she’d officially divorced Dean, kicking him from the house. A year ago, she knew, it wouldn’t be possible. Sometimes she was shocked that she took more, learned more, and felt more for a gang banger than anyone before.
Rio pulled back so he could look at her again, both hands coming to frame her face, his thumb swiping a tear away though more followed. Beth couldn’t seem to stop them from creeping out from the corners of her eyes.
“You think I wasn’t gonna find this out?” he chastised her gently, his voice molten to the point where it took the edge off his words.
“It was handled.” Beth studied the tear stains on his shirt instead of looking up at him.
“Yeah? You kill’em?” Rio asked sharply, clearly knowing she hadn’t.
“What?” she asked, her eyes finally meeting his.
“That’s how you handle shit like this. You hit’em back. You hit’em back harder and faster till they scurry back into the hole they crawled outta.”
And Beth opened her mouth to say she hadn’t brought her gun – it was still tucked in her nightstand - but decided against it. She didn’t think she needed to compound the problem.
Rio’s hand reached out, tugging the collar of her shirt to the side to see where her purse strap had rubbed the skin painfully raw. Beth could feel the rage beating off him as he stood before her.
“Explain.” He hissed, yanking a stool forward with is foot. He sank into the seat and grabbed the tweezers where she’d dropped them, picking up her hand and peering down at it.
And so she explained that his contact had tried to mug her, but Annie had shown up in time to chase him off. Rio systematically worked, though Beth noted the white of his knuckles. Beth kept the details from him – not like he couldn’t look at her and tell the attack was worse than she told.
Quietly Rio worked on her, picking the gravel from her palms, making her press a bag of frozen peas to her cheek, and dabbing at her split lip. He kept nudging her glass towards her, encouraging her to drink.
“Are you trying to get me drunk?” she asked as his warm fingers probed her cheek softly.
“Nah, tryin’ to get you ready to sleep.”
“I don’t need to drink for that,” Beth added, turning away to yawn. “I’m tired enough without it.”
“The second you close your eyes, you gonna see tonight. The alcohol will help you get to sleep.”
“Are you staying?” she blurted before she could stop herself, feeling the crushing emptiness of her house.
“Nah, ma. I got some things to take care off.”
The darkness that clouded his features showed exactly what his business would be. Beth opened her mouth to protest, but stopped. She’d been attacked. That man had seen her as weak, easy prey. How many other women were there? How many didn’t have luck on their sides?
“Okay.” Beth murmured softly.
Rio’s brow shot up, his eyes blazing with something – pride, perhaps, though she could read the inquiry there. He always made fun of her for thinking she was morally superior to him. Tonight, though, Beth would wager that they were finally on the same page. They stared at one another, and Beth didn’t bother to try and hide her thoughts. She wanted Rio to go out and handle it his way. For once, she’d not argue. She’d not try and bargain. She’d not dissuade him.
Rio nodded once, indicating that he understood. He scooted away, standing and tossing the bag of peas he’d had pressed to her face back in the freezer.
“Try and get some sleep, yeah?” he softly murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
Beth nodded, feeling cold. Rio pressed a lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth, avoiding her injured lip. Beth hooked her finger in his shirt, between two buttons. Rio remained still, peering down at her.
“Thank you.”
Rio pressed a kiss to her hair and then he was gone, leaving the house as quietly as he’d come. Beth listened to the silence in the house before going to her room. She jumped in the shower, refusing to look at the bumps and bruises that littered her skin – some she knew she wouldn’t remember where they’d come from. Without drying her hair, Beth pulled on a large t-shirt and crawled into bed, the bourbon hitting her fully and making her limbs feel heavy, chasing away the thoughts of what Rio was going to do that night.
She awoke some time later, hyper aware that someone was in the room with her. Before she could call out, the bed dipped behind her and a warm solid body was pressing against her back. Beth turned to peer at him over her shoulder as a heavy arm dropped across her waist, his face buried in her hair. He must have sensed her question because he lifted his head, pressing a lingering hot kiss to her throat.
“It’s done.” His voice was rough, like he’d been shouting.
Beth didn’t say anything as she faced forward. Instead, she pressed back against him, letting their bodies mold together, fingers grazing across the bandages on his knuckles. Tomorrow she’d take a look to make sure he’d done the job right, and he’d do the same, studying her in the shower as the bruises bloomed across her skin.
She’d have enough time tomorrow to feel ashamed of giving the okay to harm/kill another person, but somehow, she didn’t think that shame would come. There was something inside her that felt like the man had gotten what he deserved and her body thrummed with pain, further driving the point home. She imagined what she would have done if she’d let Annie do the drop herself. Beth knew if she’d come around that corner and saw a man assaulting her sister, she’d have killed him without a thought. It was long past due that Beth put the same sort of value on herself.
“Are you okay?” she barely breathed in the quiet bedroom. She felt him wriggle against her, pressing tighter, though there was no more space between them.
“I took care of it.” His arm tightened around her, possessively. “He ain’t gonna touch you again.” The dark promise settled in the marrow of her bones with a staggering rightness.
For now she’d let the warmth of his body seep into her cold one, let him chase away the chill. Beth let the knowledge that she has someone willing to protect her wrap around her mind like a blanket. A partner.
Beth closed her eyes with a soft sigh, sinking against him.
Safe.