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Rose didn't know whether to be hurt or amused that the Doctor hadn't discovered her right away. After all, she noticed him the second he walked in the room. But he was pretty tall and skinny and all, which made him easier to spot in spite of the mask.
She slyly watched him make his way around the room. For the first hour he had simply changed dance partners with each new song while she stuck with someone named George. Who seemed nice enough, even though she was sure his eyes never left her chest due to her tight-fitting ball gown. At least he was distracted so she didn't have to deal with small talk as she watched the Doctor. And George was tall enough for her to hide the bottom part of her face whenever the Doctor looked in her direction.
But an hour had gone by and apparently the Doctor had lost patience. And subtlety.
"Sorry," the Doctor said, tapping another man on the shoulder. "May I cut in?" He didn't even wait for a response before barging through the couple. He grabbed the woman around the waist, spun her once and unceremoniously twirled her back to her partner. "Lovely. Lovely! Thank you! Enjoyed it immensely!"
The Doctor's head turned back and forth, his lips pressed into a determined frown.
Right. She decided to be amused that he couldn't find her. After all, it had been his idea to crash the masquerade ball without knowing each other's clothes. A laugh, he said.
Rose grinned. He was right.
The Doctor strode through the dancing pairs and for a second, Rose thought he was headed towards her. But he stopped at the couple next to her, using the same dance-and-run technique.
When the offended party called out a "jerk!" to the Doctor, Rose accidentally let out a laugh.
The Doctor froze. Then turned straight towards her.
Even with a mask on, Rose caught the glint of triumph in the Doctor's eyes. It was oddly reminiscent of the look he had when he parked the TARDIS in the middle of her Torchwood office on the alternate Earth.
"Hello!" he said, narrowly missing colliding with another couple. "Babs, was it?"
Rose blinked. Oh, right. They were using code names.
"Hello," she said, grinning. "Um... Chuck."
The Doctor pulled to an abrupt stop. This time he did collide with the dancing couple.
"Chuck?" he mouthed, untangling himself from the other two people.
Rose shrugged.
"Hello!" said George.
The Doctor yelped and then whipped around to study the person on Rose's other side. "Do we know him?"
Rose patted his arm. "George, this is the Doc--er, this is Chuck. Chuck, meet George."
The Doctor and George stared at each other in what Rose assumed was a symbolic display of macho male pride, which would have been far more convincing if they weren't each wearing masks decorated by a colourful array of feathers.
George finally broke their staring contest when his eyes drifted back to the front of Rose's dress.
The Doctor scowled. He held out a hand and said, "Want to dance?"
Without waiting for an answer, he'd encircled one arm around her waist and gently led her away. Rose bit her lip to keep from laughing, glancing only once over her shoulder to see George wearing a puzzled frown.
The Doctor leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Rose, it is you, isn't it? I'm ninety percent certain. No, ninety-nine percent certain. It's just that-- if you really are Babs and not Rose, I'm not certain Rose would be very happy with me. Also--" his eyes dipped down once and Rose felt her face heat up "--that really is a very nice dress."
"Yeah?" Rose said.
"Oh, yes."
She cleared her throat. "Well, in that case, then I am Babs. I'm a prominent ambassador from the planet Xixi, and everyone in this room is secretly seeking my silent approval on their backroom dealings."
"Oh, are we role-playing? That's nice," said the Doctor cheerfully. "Chuck pilots some sort of intergalactic transport system. I've always wanted to drive a spaceship."
"You do drive a spaceship."
"Ooh, cake!" the Doctor said, steering her over to the refreshment table. The arm around her waist did not disappear.
"I thought we were going to dance," Rose said, eying the refreshment table. She didn't care what planet they were on, there was no way organic celery cake could taste good.
The Doctor fumbled with the sonic screwdriver in his free hand, bending down so he could study the food. He was close enough so that Rose felt his breath on her neck.
"Um," Rose said. "That cake is green."
"I can see that," the Doctor said. He sounded disappointed. "If there's one thing you humans do better than anyone else, it's your sweets."
Rose was inclined to agree with him.
"I understand how they did it," she said. "I just don't understand why."
For some reason, Rose's voice sounded louder than it had a moment before. She realized it was because the rest of the room, including the music, had gone silent.
Unfortunately, the Doctor had not. He experimentally popped one of the cake pieces in his mouth. "Blech!" he spat it out and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Well, that was certainly a new experience."
"Doctor," she hissed.
"I thought I was going by Chuck."
She elbowed him in the side. After emitting an indignant "oof," he turned around to find what Rose had already discovered. George and five police officers. With guns pointed at them.
"Ah," said the Doctor.
Rose forced a smile. Without moving her lips, she said, "Psychic paper."
The Doctor mirrored her forced grin. "Don't have it on me. Left it in the other suit."
Rose forgot about keeping her lips still. "You only have two of them!"
"Yes!" said the Doctor. "And it is probably in one of them! Now, as I'm wearing a tux and not one of the suits, the likelihood of--" One of the officers clicked their guns and the Doctor gulped. "Is there...a problem, Officer?"
"Oh, let's see," said George. He suddenly seemed quite a bit taller. "Disturbing other patrons--"
"I would never--"
One of the guns swung around to point between the Doctor's eyes. He swallowed and then plastered on the fake smile again.
"Adopting fake identities--"
"It's a masquerade!" Rose countered.
George narrowed his eyes. "And you're parked illegally."
One of the officers handed a ticket to the Doctor.
The Doctor passed Rose his mask and put on his glasses to read the ticket. "Hmm," he said. "It appears I do drive a spaceship, after all. Brilliant."
"And now," said George triumphantly. "You've just de-masked during a masquerade."
The Doctor looked up from the ticket. "Bu--what now?"
"Capital offense."
Rose was beginning to think George wasn't a very nice person.
"What?" Rose said. "He was only trying to read the ticket!"
"Rose, stay out of this."
"Oh, I don't think so," Rose said. She linked arms with the Doctor and firmly pressed herself to his side. "Whatever happens to you happens to me. Got that?"
He abruptly sobered, looking like he wanted nothing more than to drag her back to the TARDIS and... well. Stupid mean George and his masquerade ball.
"Put your mask back on -- nice and slow -- and we'll reduce your sentence to a night's stay in the local penitentiary," George said. "And don't take it off again."
The Doctor hastily followed those instructions. The police officers began to lead them away.
"Doctor?" Rose whispered, still pressed to his side. "This is a really weird planet."
"Yup!" he said. "Isn't it fun?"
"Well, I could do without the guns."
"Excellent point. Excuse me, Officers. Mind holstering those things? Someone could put an eye out."
Their escorts simply gave them both a shove as they walked down the hallway, away from the party.
⁂
"You know, they didn't have to be convinced so quickly that I was a man." Rose scowled and flopped down on the bench that at least looked clean.
"Quickly? It took all my powers of persuasion to get them to believe it. Especially with... you know." The Doctor pointed at her cleavage. "We're just lucky that it's Masquerade Week. And lucky cross-dressing isn't uncommon. And lucky there aren't any other blokes in the cell. AND lucky they're not forcing us to eat that god-awful celery cake. What kind of person thinks of something like that?"
"We could have told them that you're a woman. Bet the women's cell is nicer than this."
"Really now, Rose. There's no way anyone could look at me and believe I'm a woman. Much too ruggedly handsome."
Rose grinned. "So modest."
He grinned back. "Just stating the facts."
She hopped up and joined the Doctor at the cell door. "So, is it clear to get out of here yet?" she asked.
"Not unless by clear you mean five policemen deciding to have a sit-down with celery cake at the end of the hall. What is it with this celery cake? Maybe everyone here has lost their sense of taste."
"So we're stuck here."
"We're stuck here."
"With four hours left. Right." Rose opened up the Doctor's tuxedo jacket and plunged her hand inside. "There's gotta be something in here to do."
The Doctor cleared his throat.
Loudly.
Rose looked up. His face was a picture of both surprised and very, very interested.
She smirked. "In your pocket, you goof."
"Well, you know..." His arms found their way around her.
"Nuh uh. No way. Not here."
"Just think of how time would fly by!"
Rose felt something with her fingers, grabbed it and held it up in front of his face. "Here."
The Doctor took the yo-yo from her and let it fall limply to the floor. "Whee. That was so much fun. Really. I was entertained for a good five seconds. Only 14,395 more to go."
"That many?"
"Yup. That many. And that's a lot of...many."
"I suppose they are all the way down the hall..."
"YES! They are! All the way down the hall! Eating that horrible cake and so you know they'll be occupied for a little bit."
Rose raised an eyebrow. "A little bit?"
"Or a good long while? Which is what I said. Did you hear 'little bit?' Odd."
"Well..."
The door swung open, the policeman at the entrance doing his own eyebrow raise at the sight of the Doctor and Rose's arms around each other.
"Got someone to join you two, um, gentlemen," he announced. "Say hello to Chuck." A man was shoved into the cell, the door slammed behind him.
"Chuck, you say?" the Doctor asked, untangling himself from Rose. "This is going to get confusing."
⁂
For a long time, no one said anything.
The Doctor sat cross-legged in front of the bars, occasionally flicking a finger at them and frowning at the ensuing metallic rumbling. Chuck commandeered the bench and appeared to be entranced by the back of his fingernails. Rose tried very hard not to think about what would happen once her body decided it was time to pee.
"Shoddy craftsmanship," the Doctor declared. The officers down the hall glanced in their direction and he smiled and waved at them.
Rose sat down next to Chuck on the bench.
"So..." she began. "What are you in here for? Chewing gum while doing a traditional dance? Not putting enough feathers on your mask?"
Chuck barely looked at her. "Shot my sister's boyfriend."
"Well, um," Rose said. "I'm... sure he must have done something horrible."
"Didn't like his eyes. Blinked a lot."
"Oh," said Rose. "And that was a good enough reason to shoot him?"
Chuck shrugged. His eyes drifted down to the front of Rose's dress. He pointed a finger at her. "Those real?"
"OI!" Rose said. "What sort of question is that, you creepy--"
"Now, Babs," said the Doctor loudly. "Seeing as you are in the men's cell, it's a perfectly understandable assumption."
He draped his tux jacket over her shoulders and nudged her away.
"Might not want to get on the wrong side of the crazy, blinking-eye killer," he mumbled.
Rose glanced back at Chuck. He tilted his head back and bared his teeth at the ceiling.
"I could take him."
"Oh, no doubt," said the Doctor. "Just please don't. Because then I'd have to get involved."
Rose pondered that. "He is about twice your size."
Chuck emitted a noise that sounded suspiciously like a growl.
The Doctor winced and led Rose over to the opposite corner. They both eyed a crusty brown substance growing on the walls and floor.
"Go on, then," the Doctor said. "Take a seat."
"What?" Rose said. "No way! You sit down first. Or at least sonic screwdriver it."
"You can't..." he began, but Chuck's growl increased dramatically in volume and intensity. "No, we're definitely sitting."
He grabbed her hand and they both pressed themselves again the wall before sliding down to sit on the floor.
"This way we'll see him first," the Doctor whispered.
"Right. And then we can run really quickly to the other side of the cell if he gets all killer on us after we start blinking too much." She sat up straighter. "Maybe that's why they went after you. 'Cause they thought you were him!" She paused. "Oh, god. It's my fault, isn't it? I gave you that stupid code name."
The Doctor slipped a comforting arm around her shoulders. "Yes. All your fault. Absolutely."
"Of course," Rose mused. "You were the one who insisted on code names to begin with."
"Tiny detail. Hardly important."
Chuck finished growling. He flopped onto his back and flung one arm over his eyes. A few seconds later, the sounds of snoring filled the cell.
"Yep," the Doctor said. "He's terrified of us."
Rose snorted. She cuddled up to his side and yawned. "Maybe he's got the right idea."
"You can't leave me to defend this corner of the cell on my own."
"You have the sonic screwdriver."
"Rose, the sonic screwdriver can do many impressive things, but stopping two hundred pounds of angry and murderous flesh is not one of them." He paused to think. "You know what we COULD do--"
"Doctor!"
"You don't even know what was I going to say! It might have been: 'Let's enjoy a nice game of chess.'"
Chuck grunted in his sleep. They jumped.
"...or not," the Doctor said. "You know, whatever."
Rose made herself comfy against his shoulder. She closed her eyes.
The Doctor stayed silent -- for once. Just as she was about to drift off, she thought she heard him whisper "I love you" but she figured he might have moaned "oo voo moo." Sometimes it was hard to tell with the Doctor.
She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "Been fun tonight, hasn't it?"
"Yeah." He fixed his tux jacket tighter around her shoulders. "But just wait until tomorrow. We're going to a costume party! Fancy being half a horse?"
Rose blinked at him. "That'll definitely go according to plan."