Work Text:
Joseph whined, boredom taking him over as he sat at the reception desk of the Joestar family laundromat. No-one else was in, Lisa Lisa having taken the day off, and Caesar being scheduled to work the day after. He began to drumming on the counter, trying to look out for any of his regulars; the strange German that he was sure was a Neo-Nazi, the two hulking gym buddies that had to be married, the cute maid who always flirted with him, his best friend Smokey, and his Uncle Speedwagon. He sighed dramatically, flopping back in his chair to stare at the ceiling, just as the small bell at the front of the store chimed. He scrambled to sit up, almost falling out of his chair as he tried to look presentable for the customers.
The customers in question were a strange lot, each one of the four of hulking giants were dressed completely inappropriately for the light spring day. The first was dressed in a floor length black trench coat, a black wide brimmed hat covering his hooded face. Flanking him were two scantily dressed men both with the strangest of fashion scenes, and their bare chests on display. The one at the back was the shortest, but his red hair and almost completely naked body had Joseph silenced. He quickly grabbed his phone, and shot a text to Caesar.
Yo Caesar, do you know anything about four bodybuilding Aztec looking dudes?
The one wearing the trench coat walked forward, and stood up tall above Joseph, glaring down at him like he was nothing but a piece of rubbish. The other three spread around the shop, starting to inspect the machines one at a time, and that’s when Joseph knew he was in shit. Lisa Lisa had warned him about some local mobsters that were trying to extort them out of some money, and Joseph knew there was no way he would be able to take all of them at once. Before the leader of the little gang could speak, his phone went off, and he quickly threw a look down at it.
Shit, I texted LL, she’ll be down soon, don’t let them do anything until we get there
“Is your phone more interesting than a potential customer?” He said, sounding far too smug about Joseph’s apparent faux pas. He frowned back at the man, crossing his arms.
“I’m sorry, I was just contacting my coworkers about the shift change soon. I had to make sure they were still able to come in and help me out with the change over.”
The man frowned, and Joseph knew that it would be easy enough to keep them on side, or at least calm enough until backup arrived. For now, he would just keep them talking until the other two arrived.
“What can I help you with today? Would you like to be shown how to operate the washing machines? Would you like to know the prices of dry cleaning?”
“No, we are here on business for the Pillar men.” He tried to say, as if that meant anything to Joseph.
“Oh? Do you have a ticket you would like to collect? It doesn’t matter if you lost the ticket, I can just take your company name and search from that, but unfortunately, it will take a while to go through all of the tags on my own like this. Are you alright with waiting?”
Joseph knew he was being a bit of a shit at that moment, and he was feeling smug until the red headed man smashed one of the doors of the washing machines. His smug grin suddenly dropped, and the trench coat man suddenly took up the expression. He leaned on the counter, and made eye contact with Joseph.
“So, as I was saying, we are with the Pillar men, and we have spoken with your manager before. We are here to collect our money. So be a good little boy and fetch it for us.”
Joseph felt his hand twitch in anger at the belittlement, but he kept himself firmly in place.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t open the safe, only the manager has a key to it. If you want your money you’re going to have to let me contact them.” He said, knowing full damn well that Lisa Lisa and Caesar were almost her; but he might have to defend himself if they don’t arrive in time, and that’s when Joseph remembered that they kept a baseball bat stored under the counter for this exact reason.
“It would be beneficial for you to call them in sooner.” The man said, punctuating the statement with another broken door, this time smashed in by the strange curly haired man. Joseph knew he needed to stop them, but he wasn’t sure if he could do it on his own. He threw a quick look up at the clock above the door, and swore as he saw the time. It was about the time two of his regulars came in, and he couldn’t let them get involved with the situation at hand. Before he could talk down the strangers in front of him, the bell above the front door chimed loudly, and in walked his German suspected Neo-Nazi, dressed casually and sporting a rather nice pair of shades, with the pretty little maid next to him. Everyone turned to face them, and the German blond scanned the room for threats, while the maid just went to her usual washing machine like nothing was wrong.
“What is going on here?” The man asked, moving into a defensive position. The redhead seemed to take issue with that, and moved closer to him, and that’s when Joseph decided to act. He quickly grabbed the bat and hopped the counter, approaching the red head confidently. He didn’t even see Joseph coming, so he quickly delivered a swift swing to the ribs, followed up by the pommel to the back of the head, knocking him out quickly. The curly haired one stepped up to have a go at Joseph, but he was sidelined by grabbing onto the maid. Joseph carefully circled around him, looking for an opening, but there was no clean shot on him without risking hurting Suzie; The name had suddenly come to Joseph as he stared down the fucker holding her captive.
A sudden gloved hand flew from behind a tumble dryer, squarely connecting with the man’s jaw, forcing him to release Suzie; she stumbled backwards, right into the awaiting arms of Caesar, who had arrived in the nick of time. Joseph didn’t waste the opportunity to follow up with a bat to the stomach, downing their second man. Now it was two versus two, and Joseph and Caesar had the home field advantage.
“Took you long enough to get here.” Joseph quipped as they rounded the corner together, facing down the remaining two goons.
“It’s not like I wasn’t doing some with my siblings or anything today. Who did the-” Before Caesar could finish talking, his face was slammed into the cold metal of the nearest machine by the biggest of the men. He was frowning at Joseph, and a tiny pang of fear ran through him from the expression as he tried to figure out how he was going to do this now.
“Wammu, deal with this fool quickly so we may go, I do not wish to wait around for too long like last time.” The trench coated man said, and Wammu simply nodded in reply, before turning to face Joseph. He swallowed nervously as he stared up at the big man before him, and he took a tactical step back, mostly so he could think about his next move. Anything that didn’t involve flanking the guy as a bust, but the only way to flank him would be to move near the one in the coat; Joseph knew then he was going to have to be smart and quick with whatever plan he executed in the end. His opportunity came when the man spread his legs slightly, readying himself to attempt to tackle Joseph, but all Joseph saw was the space big enough for him to slide through now. He took off in a sprint towards Wammu, and suddenly dove down onto his knees to slide between the man’s legs; he quickly swung the bat in an overhead arc as he slid between his legs, feeling the painful connection of bat and dick. Joseph stood up and turned around, watching as the man collapsed on the floor, his hands gently cradling his balls, a pain that Joseph could empathise with.
“Sorry about that. You see, this is a nice and peaceful laundromat, and we don’t appreciate people coming in and disturbing our peace. Now, I’m giving you five second to get out of the building, or I will hurt you.” Joseph empathised his point while showing off the bat. The man in the trench coat did not look amused, readying himself for the fight with Joseph, until Smokey walked in the door.
“Yo Joseph, have you seen some cra-” He looked up from his phone, glancing around at the men lying around on the floor. “Is that Caesar over there?”
“Yeah.” a weak voice said, a small wave coming from Caesar as he carefully raised his had to stop the heavy bleeding from his nose.
“Yeah, I’ll come back later.” He turned and walked out the door, only to quickly be replaced by Lisa Lisa, who still managed to look amazingly done up on her days off.
“I told you that I would not be selling you the necklace, and now you return on my day off, threaten the new kid by pretending to be an armed gang trying to extort him for money?” She asked, her voice clearly exacerbated. The man in the trench coat smirked at her.
“What can I say, it would have been effective if you did not have such… persistent staff. You really have trained them too well, but nevertheless, you will hand over the necklace, or you may just lose the whole business.” He said far too smugly for Joseph’s liking, but Lisa Lisa just remained calm and composed, the fluorescent lights shining off her dark shades.
“I already called the cops.”
“We’re already here.” A sweet voice said, and Suzie stepped out from around the corner, her badge and gun in hand, and Joseph felt his jaw drop; the other surprise when her partner Wammu stood up, and brandished his own badge too. He stared at them in confusion, an expression mirrored on the trench coat man’s face as the two officers stepped forward, Suzie throwing a look back at Joseph and Lisa Lisa.
“Thank you for your assistance. Without it we would have never caught Kars here, or his gang of jewellery thieves.”
“How could you betray me like this Wammu?” Kars asked, his face starting to get angry as the officer walked forward to arrest him. Joseph was still stood there, bat in hand and heavily confused as Lisa Lisa went and helped Caesar to his feet. Whatever had just happened was way too weird, and he couldn’t wait to tell Smokey.