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"Shhhh!" TJ shushes, too close to Cyrus's ear, the warm breath tickling him. "Stop! I haven't even done anything yet!" Cyrus whispers back. TJ laughs quietly, and Cyrus does, too.
It was another sleepover night for them. They'd been together for almost a year and had been having sleepovers pretty consistently throughout. They knew they should come out to their parents, and they wanted to, but they also knew that would spell the end of sleepovers for the two of them. It wasn't like they were actually doing anything too dirty, they were only freshmen in high school, but they knew their parents would never allow sleepovers once they were honest about their relationship status. For a while, they got in the pattern of telling each other "just one more sleepover, then we have to tell them!" but then one of them would get a new video game, or find a new album they just had to dance to together, and before long, "one more" sleepover turned into so, so many wonderful sleepovers.
This particular sleepover was at Cyrus's dad's house. When TJ arrived, Cyrus's stepmother served everyone a seafood dish she'd been "dying to try out," then the boys washed the dishes (because, yes, TJ was over enough he was expected to help with chores), took a walk around the block, before they retired to Cyrus's room where they put a movie on and talked.
After a few movies, TJ's stomach grumbled. "Sorry. Do you think I could grab a snack from the kitchen?" "I'm hungry, too," Cyrus admitted. "Sharon's Pinterest recipes never fill me up. But honestly, I don't know what we'd do for snacks. We don't have like chips or anything." "Well, let's just see what's in the pantry," TJ suggested.
So they looked in the pantry, and when they saw a box of mac and cheese sitting on the shelf, they knew: that's the perfect 4am snack. That was how they got to where they are, TJ trying to contain his laughter as Cyrus experiments to figure out how to fill a saucepan with water as quietly as possible.
After Cyrus very gently sets the pan down and turns the burner on, TJ creeps up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Hey, gorgeous." He whispers, gently kissing Cyrus on the neck. Cyrus leans back into TJ, nuzzling against him. "My love," Cyrus responds.
"As excited as I am for this mac and cheese, it sucks we have to wait for it." TJ whispers. "Well, we can see what's in the fridge," Cyrus says, as TJ unwraps his arms from Cyrus. Cyrus heads over to the fridge and looks through it, while TJ leans against the counter and watches him. It's quite dark in the kitchen, and TJ loves the way the refrigerator light brightens up his boyfriend's face. He can't believe how in love he still feels with Cyrus, even after nearly a year together and an even longer time of pining after him. Every day, it seems, he falls more and more in love with this boy.
Cyrus pulls some grapes out of the fridge, a green bunch for TJ and a purple bunch for himself. It's things like that, little unspoken understandings, that really make TJ love Cyrus. After rinsing the grapes off, very slowly and quietly, Cyrus rejoins TJ, cuddling into his side while they snack on their grapes. They knew they were disgustingly touchy, but it was 4am, it was their time to have everything they can't have in the light of day with everyone watching. And for now, it's okay. They'll come out when it's time. These private moments mean the world to both of them.
As they finish their grapes, Cyrus starts humming softly, a little tune he makes up on the spot. TJ grins at Cyrus, he knows what Cyrus is asking for. He raises his eyebrows, silently asking Cyrus if he's sure, and Cyrus just smiles and nods as he continues humming quietly. TJ nods, and Cyrus stops humming so TJ can think. In no time at all, TJ starts singing under his breath.
"You're just too good to be true…" Cyrus beams at TJ as he starts singing.
"Can't take my eyes off of you, you'd be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much…" Cyrus grabs TJ's hand and pulls him into the center of the kitchen to dance, quietly swaying with each other.
"At long last, love has arrived, And I thank God I'm alive…" TJ raises an arm to lead Cyrus in a gentle spin, and although it's far from graceful, his enthusiasm makes it all the more adorable and endearing to TJ. He honestly feels every word he's singing, as well. Cyrus has changed his life for the better in every conceivable way, and not a day goes by that he doesn't appreciate the love of his boyfriend.
"You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you." He gives Cyrus his best smolder. Cyrus giggles, before covering his mouth and it's a wonder TJ doesn't just die on the spot from an overload of cuteness.
"Pardon the way that I stare, there's nothing else to compare, the sight of you leaves me weak, there are no words left to speak" Cyrus raises their joined hands and kisses the back of TJ's hand.
"But if you feel like I feel, please let me know that it's real…" Cyrus cuts TJ off with a kiss on the lips. They're careful to keep it quiet, they always are, but they do get a bit carried away. A sound startles them away from each other, but Cyrus reaches out and rubs TJ's back to reassure him. "That's just the house shifting." He whispers.
TJ nods, feeling better, then notices the water is boiling. "Let's get the noodles in." Cyrus picks up the box of mac and cheese and the noodles inside shift. Realistically, it's just a soft noise, but it scares him enough that he freezes, eyes wide. TJ has to stifle his laughter at the look on Cyrus's face, it's just too adorable.
"Lemme do it." He offers. Cyrus carefully hands the box to him, he carefully peels it open, pulls out the cheese packet, and slowly dumps the pasta into the water. The sound of the pasta scraping against the side of the box and plopping into the water is suddenly hilarious, sending both boys into quiet laughing fits.
"Shhhh!" Cyrus says and TJ giggles even more. "You were laughing, too!" TJ counters. "Can you set the timer for 7 minutes?" He asks Cyrus. "Baby! We can't set a timer, it will ring! We can just keep an eye on the clock and check it after seven minutes." "Alright, well that's gonna be your job because I am not doing math at…4:17 in the morning." "No problem, I got it, sweetheart," Cyrus replies, placing a small kiss on TJ's nose.
"Thanks, love bug," TJ replies, pulling Cyrus in close to him and swaying gently. Cyrus always made him feel like there was nothing wrong with him, and it was like a breath of fresh air every time.
"No problem, my angel," Cyrus mumbled into his chest. They loved doing this, the pet names. Once, TJ had accidentally called Cyrus' babe' in front of his mom, but Amber had quickly convinced her that it was something boys did with their platonic friends now, and she seemed to buy it.
"Hey, muffin?" TJ whispers into Cyrus's hair. "Yes, sweet boy?" "Can we maybe just be together forever?" Cyrus stops swaying, taken aback. It's the first time TJ's said anything of this sort. Then again, it's their first time dancing in the kitchen at 4 am while waiting for their mac and cheese to be ready. Who knows what the protocol is?
It's not as if Cyrus hasn't thought about it a little bit. They're only freshmen, yes, but it feels so incredibly right. He can't help but picture being in his late twenties, coming home to TJ and maybe even a few children someday. He thinks for a second about him and TJ, balding gray hair and wrinkles, getting in their bed together in their nursing home. It seems a world away, but it doesn't seem so far fetched.
"That's what I'm hoping for," Cyrus admits, and in the dark kitchen, he can just barely see the relief wash over TJ's face. It's funny, for a while, he thought he'd never find someone who wanted forever with him, and now here he was, barely into his teens, and holding that person in his arms.
It's all that needs to be said on the subject for now. They're on the same page-forever is the dream, but right now is the focus. TJ uses his nose to nudge Cyrus's face away from his chest and leans down to kiss him.
After a slow, long kiss, TJ breaks away from Cyrus to open the silverware drawer (yes, he's got the layout of Cyrus's kitchen memorized) and pulls out a fork to stir the pasta.
"How's it looking, darling?" Cyrus whispers. "It's been like one minute, they're still hard." TJ chuckles before continuing "I thought I was the one who was bad with numbers. Maybe I should be on clock duty."
"No, I got it, your jobs are to stir the pot and look pretty," Cyrus tells him. "Ooh, stir the pot you say? Should I start something?" Cyrus knows he's probably joking but the gleam in his eyes, just barely visible in the moonlight through the window, has him concerned. "What are you planning?" He asks cautiously.
"I don't know. We should pull a prank on our friends." TJ smiles. Cyrus isn't totally on board, but he also isn't totally against the idea. "What kind of prank?" He asks. TJ smiles, and Cyrus is torn between swooning over the adorably mischievous look on his face and being concerned.
"What about the prank where you fake a wrong number text. Like we could text them something like 'I'm here. I have the money. Let's get this over with.' Then a few minutes later 'sorry, wrong person!'"
"No!" Cyrus shouts under his breath, which triggers him to cough. TJ rubs his back until he's able to breathe again. "That would be the most stressful text to receive at...4:19 am."
"Oh, is it 4:19? You know what that means!" TJ laughs, and Cyrus can't help but roll his eyes. TJ suddenly gets wide eyed before reaching behind Cyrus to pull open a drawer and grab a paper napkin. "What is that for?" Cyrus asks, but TJ only grins.
TJ rips a sheet from the napkin before rolling it up in a little log, then does it again so that he has two.
"Do you think these look like joints?" TJ asks, barely able to contain his laughter.
"I wouldn't know any better than you, babe." Cyrus teases. "But neither would my friends. Not sure if we can convince yours, though…"
"Come on, it's just a little joke." Cyrus agrees, and takes the "joint" into his hand and leans against TJ while he takes a Snapchat. He puts the clock sticker onto the picture, along with an obnoxious "blaaaaaaaze it" caption.
"Are you actually high?" Cyrus whispers to TJ as he quietly laughs so hard he nearly cries just looking at the picture. He knows he isn't, of course, they'd spent the past several hours together, but TJ is such a goofball sometimes Cyrus just likes to tease him.
"No, it's just so funny! And I'm just high on the thought of the impending mac and cheese, and the lack of sleep, and looooove." TJ grabs Cyrus's face to cover it with kisses, and Cyrus feels what he means when he says he's high on love.
After TJ calms down, Cyrus says he'll pull the butter and milk out of the fridge so it'll be ready, and TJ stirs the pot.
As Cyrus reaches for the butter, he somehow, in the way only Cyrus Goodman can, manages to knock the egg carton on the floor. He turns around to look at TJ, wide-eyed, and ready to panic. It was so LOUD, and now there were no less than five broken eggs on the floor.
Before he knew it, TJ had an arm around him. "It's alright, Underdog, shit happens. It's alright." TJ holds him for a minute until it becomes apparent the sound didn't wake his parents.
TJ grabs some paper towels, and as they start cleaning up the eggs, he notices Cyrus shaking. "Baby, don't cry!" TJ tells him, but Cyrus looks up at him "I'm not crying, I'm trying not to laugh! Leave it to me to drop a carton of eggs on the floor at 4 in the morning."
"I've honestly never been more in love with you," TJ says as he struggles to pick egg whites up off of the floor.
"You're into clumsy guys then?"
"The honest answer is just yes, but my smooth answer is…" TJ gives Cyrus an overdramatic smolder "I'm extremely into one clumsy guy."
"Well, that works out, because I'm really into smooth guys, one in particular" Cyrus smiles as tries to finagle egg yolks onto a paper towel.
"Damn, should we just date then?" TJ jokes.
"Yeah, we should, we can have movie marathons that end in 4am mac and cheese." Cyrus smiles.
"Well, if that's what you're offering, might as well just get married," TJ says, his voice faltering a bit at the end like he was afraid he was saying too much.
"Get me a pretty ring, and I'm all yours, Mr. Kippen. Or should I say, Mr. Goodman?"
Suddenly, in unison, "Kippman!" What had started as a joke felt just a little too real for a second, but then they smiled at each other.
"We've got time to figure it out," TJ says, before leaning in to kiss Cyrus on the nose. "For now, I wanna know how much longer I gotta wait for mac and cheese."
Cyrus looks at the clock, and sure enough, it's 4:24 am.
"The wait is almost over, my love" he whispers, kissing TJ on the head before standing up and slowly grabbing the colander out of the cabinet. As carefully as he can, he drains the pasta and mixes in the butter, milk, and cheese powder. Meanwhile, TJ finishes wiping up the egg mess and sneaks up behind Cyrus as he finishes stirring it all together.
"Hey Cyrus, that's what good pussy sounds like," TJ whispers into Cyrus's ear. Cyrus gasps, and TJ laughs. "Like you would know," Cyrus says, playfully slapping his chest.
"What? You calling me gay or something?" TJ says, mock offended.
"You are a literal gay virgin, and if you're not, I'm just gonna be honest with you, Teej, we've got a big problem."
TJ sticks out his lower lip and pouts "I'm a gay virgin."
"But you're my gay virgin!" Cyrus beams at him.
"Am I your gay virgin who gets to eat some mac and cheese now?"
"Of course. Can we not do bowls though? Those are so loud to get out of the cabinet."
And that's how TJ and Cyrus found themselves sitting on the kitchen floor at 4:26 am, eating mac and cheese out of the pot and teasing each other relentlessly, while occasionally taking a break to kiss each other.
(It was the first of many 4 am adventures, from walking home after college parties, to trips to the airport for international vacations, and many nights up with their babies. But their 4 am mac and cheese was one neither could ever forget.)