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Jimin looked down at his shoes and the cars several feet below. The city was buzzing with energy even at this late hour. However, on top of the roof of the apartment complex where he was currently sitting seemed the city life small and unimportant.
His legs were dangling over the edge and his heart was strangely at peace. For once. Although it was cold and Jimin was only wearing a thin t-shirt the autumn wind felt pleasant on his skin. It was soothing in its own way.
Jimin averted his eyes from the thousand lights and laid his head back starring at the black night sky instead. There was not one star visible. Not one stray light of hope.
A soft sigh came over his lips and his eyes fell on the phone clutched between his fingers. Black figures were glaring back at him waiting to form a number which would call someone, anyone.
Jimin gulped and he started dialling. He had the number memorised and his thumb only shook once slightly when pressing the call button.
He exhaled shakily and lifted the device up to his ear listening to it ring.
Maybe he shouldn’t have-
“Hello?”
“Hi.”
Silence.
“How can I help you?”
“I don’t know”
That’s good. Be honest.
“you...don’t know?”
Jimin hummed kicking his heel against the wall of the building twice.
“okay” there was shifting on the other side. “why don’t you tell me what’s wrong then?”
“well...I don’t know how this normally goes. I never called before you know?” He shifted and felt the piece slowly slip away. His heart rate picked up. “you see I’m sitting on this building. It’s pretty high to be honest I don’t think I was ever this high, its higher than the fairiesweel I went ro last month and- “he stopped himself when he noticed that he was only rambling. His hand shook so he balled a fist instead. Steady.
“I’m sorry I don’t think that’s important. Sorry.”
“its okay”
“right”
Jimin pulled his lower lip between his teeth gnawing on it for a second before releasing it again.
“Okay. I’m sitting on this building and- “another shaky exhale “and I really wanna jump.” Jimin only whispered the words. There, he had said it.
“you.... you want to jump?”
Did he
“yes?”
His hand was shaking again. The fist hadn’t helped in the end. Stupid hand. Stupid.
He licked his lips while he waited for the person, Jimin was pretty sire it was a guy (not that that mattered), to say something. His lips were dry. His mouth was dry. He wished he had something to drink.
What a stupid thought. He didn’t need water. He was about to die anyway.
Wasn’t he?
“okay”
Okay?
“okay?”
Nothing was okay. Why did the guy say okay?
“where are you?”
Jimin was confused.
“why? I thought you are just supposed to tell me stupid stuff why I should keep living although you don’t know me at all.”
Silence.
Shuffling on the other end of the line.
“Why am I supposed to do that?”
Was the guy being serious? Jimin gulped. He should have noticed earlier.
“You’re not the suicide hotline.” A statement not a question.
There was a short moment of silence before the guy answers him.
“No, I’m not.”
A shiver run through Jimins body. There were goosebumps on his arms. Why was it suddenly so cold?
“You are not.” He repeated to himself. Another violent shiver attacked his body and his hand clenched around the phone. The air was strangely thin. He wasn’t that high up, was he? He hadn’t had any problems with the air a minute ago....
“I’m sorry.” Jimin apologised. “Oh my god I’m so so sorry!” He just ruined the night of some stranger. He was so stupid. His throat tightened. He was a burden to every living being on this earth. He couldn’t breath.
Oh god he couldn’t breath!
“I’m sorry” Jimin almost choked on his words trying to draw in a breath but everything was too much.
He thought the stranger was saying something, but he couldn’t comprehend what.
His heart was beating out of his chest and his whole body was shaking. He had hoped his last moments would be more peaceful but maybe that had been too much of a wish. The world had never been kind ro him.
A sudden shout from the other line scared him enough to pull back a little.
Keys. A door. Steps.
“can you hear me?” the guys voice sounded urgent.
“y-yes” Jimin managed to reply although stuttering and barely breathing enough.
“okay. Can you tell me your name?”
“Jimin.”
“Jimin. I need you to do exactly what I’m gonna say.”
He nodded. He was so stupid. The guy couldn’t even see him.
“I want you to take a deep breath. I’m gonna count with you.”
But he couldn’t breathe…
“okay. Breath in now”
Breath in.
“one, two, three, four.”
Jimin hold his breath. Why was he doing this?
“great! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Now exhale slowly.”
His voice was soothing Jimin thought and started ro bush the air past his lips.
“one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. And again.”
Jimin followed the strangers voice and felt his heart calming down. The air flowed without a problem into his lungs. The shaking had lessened.
“great! You did great, Jimin!”
He was only breathing. He didn’t do anything great. He was just pathetic. He wasn’t even able to breath without help. He was just a burden. A stupid useless burden.
Tears were burning in his eyes.
He scooted closer to the edge. It was better like this. Everyone could stop worrying about him. They could be happy again. They didn’t need him for that. No one needed him.
“Jimin don’t you dare jump off!”
He flinched at the harsh tone. He forgot that je was still on the phone.
“why do you care?” he whispered sadly. “you don’t even know me.”
“so?”
Jimin scoffed.
A sigh
“Do you want to die Jimin?”
...
“yes?......no....I....don’t know...?”
“you don’t know?”
Jimin didn’t know....
“I think I know but maybe I’m wrong.”
“I don’t care.” Jimin didn’t care.
“You called for help, didn’t you? You called for help so someone would give you a reason to keep living.”
Jimin gulped. His mouth was still dry.
“You don’t want to die, Jimin.” The strangers voice was soft. Like a caress against the cheek. Jimin felt lonely.
He didn’t know what to say.
He didn’t know what to think
He didn’t know what to feel.
“Don’t jump Jimin. I’m gonna help you if you want me to.”
Jimin was shaking again and his cheeks were wet. He had started crying some time ago.
He kicked against the wall of the building with his heel. He did it thee times.
He felt lonely.
Jimin started sobbing.
“its okay.”
Was it?
“Just scoot away from the edge. Get down on the roof and sit down there for me okay?”
Jimin looked at his feet hanging in the air. The lights were blurred through the tears. All he saw was a sea of colors underneath his feet.
There were so many colors. Jimin put the phone down.
Was the world a happy place?
He closed his eyes
Not for him….
And breathed in
He heard his name.
Jimin pushed himself over the edge and into the sea of colors.
He fell.
There was no peace, was there?
Not here at least. Not were he would be going.
Only chaos.
He opened his eyes.
Beneath his feet was still a sea of colors. He was still on the roof
He climbed down and onto the roof feeling solid ground under his shoes.
Suddenly the door burst open and a man panting, and sweating stumbled over the roof towards him.
“Jimin”
He recognized the voice. But it sounded way better in real life then through a phone. It was soothing.
A broken smile formed on Jimins lips.
“I want help.” He whispered the three words in to the cool night air and felt how powerful
they were. A sob escaped him and in the next moment his knees hit the top of the roof.
His body was shaking.
But then there were arms rapped around him. Holding him. Protecting him.
“its okay!” the guy hushed him. “you’re not alone anymore!”
He wasn’t alone.
There was nothing holding him back when he cried into the strangers shoulder and it didn’t feel like drowning. It felt like finally ripping the chains.
He was not alone.
Not anymore.
He leaned back against the sturdy chest. Arms wrapped around himself.
“what’s your name?”
A low laugh vibrated through the guys body.
“I’m Taehyung”
“Hello Taehyung”
It was strange but it felt right. Something felt right.
And when Jimin lifted his head to look up to the sky he saw two little stars next to each other fighting against the blackness of the night.